Page 543

Psychology Explains Why Holding a Grudge Causes Excess Stress

August 14, 2020 by Power of Positivity

Everyone has been hurt or wronged by someone, but holding a grudge and being unforgiving doesn’t help you feel better. Quite the opposite, however, as it will only make you feel worse. Whether it is a family member, a co-worker, a significant other, or a friend, it is never an easy situation.

You may be left with negative feelings such as anger, bitterness, vengeance, sadness, confusion, or hatred. These feelings aren’t helping you or the situation, however, and should be addressed immediately. While you may think that harboring these feelings is harmless, psychologists now prove that this isn’t the case.

When you hold on to a grudge and let the negative feelings linger, you’re only causing yourself more harm. You will be holding yourself back from experiencing peace, hope, and joy. Plus, you’ll be bringing more stress to yourself.

Not only will you be bringing stress to yourself, but you will also be bringing negativity to all aspects of your life. The way you are feeling will eventually cause problems, and those closest to you may feel it. Your energy will show what you are feeling, no matter how much you try to hide it.

The Reasons Holding a Grudge Causes Excess Stress

When you hold a grudge and continue to harbor negative feelings, the stress it causes can be serious. You’ll notice your heart rate increase, a rise in your blood pressure, and a tightening in your muscles. These are signs that your body is experiencing excess stress and it will only get worse if you are unforgiving.

Being stressed can cause memory problems, difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much, and sometimes it can cause serious health conditions. If you are holding a grudge and notice these symptoms, it’s likely caused by stress due to the negativity. There are many ways that this can cause excess stress, and knowing these reasons can help you reverse it.

Research shows that when you hold a grudge, you continue to rehearse painful memories from your past. Each time this happens, it brings back the negative feelings that you associate with the situation. Each time, the stress it causes will be worsened until it turns into something more serious, such as depression.

Other reasons that holding a grudge can cause excess stress are as follows:

Can Cause Anger or Bitterness in a New Relationship

When you are harboring negative feelings, they will be reflected in other relationships. Those feelings will show, no matter how well you try to hide them. Eventually, they will begin causing anger and bitterness in a relationship that had nothing to do with the situation.

To stop allowing the feelings to interfere with your other relationships, you have to let go of them. You can only do this by forgiving the person who wronged you.

You Are Not Able to Enjoy the Present

As the negative feelings pile up, you’ll notice you aren’t as present as you used to be. Your mind will be preoccupied with the negativity, and you won’t be able to enjoy what is happening right now. Don’t let the actions or words of someone else affect the joy you could be feeling.

Grudges Might Make You Depressed or Anxious

The longer you hold on to the negativity and pain, the more likely you are to experience depression or anxiety. Even if you don’t realize it, these feelings will keep piling up until you aren’t sure how to handle it anymore. It can cause problems with your hormones, and it can have a huge negative impact on your mental health.

You May Feel as if Your Life Lacks Purpose

When you are harboring these feelings, you are making yourself believe that your life lacks purpose. Even if you don’t realize that this is what you are doing, it is happening. This is because you are so focused on what happened and how it made you feel that it becomes all-consuming.

You will eventually forget about how meaningful your life is because you’ll be so angry and hurt. The things that you will notice in your life are the ones that reflect how you are feeling. So, if you are feeling hostile, you’ll start to notice more hostility around you.

Since your environment is a product of your mood, it hugely impacts your life. To avoid this and to remember your purpose in life, you have to forgive the person who hurt you. Then, you will be able to refocus on the things and people that truly matter.

Could Lose Connections with Others

As the negative feelings take over your life, you may lose connections with other people that you care about. The feelings may cause you to push people away so that you can be alone to wallow. Even if you don’t push people away on purpose, the negative energy you will be carrying around may do it.

What is Forgiveness?

While it is different for everyone, forgiveness involves letting go of resentment. It means that you have to stop feeling like you have to get revenge. You will have to make a conscious decision to stop harboring negative feelings and thinking of revenge.

It’s not likely that you will ever forget what was said or done to you, even with forgiveness. By forgiving, however, you can start to regain control of your life and feelings. You will also be able to feel empathy, compassion, and understanding for the person who wronged you.

Ultimately, forgiveness is a way to bring peace to yourself. It helps you move on positively and let go of any negative feelings you are still experiencing. Additionally, it helps you focus on the positives in your life instead of consuming your thoughts with the situation.

The Benefits of Forgiveness

When you forgive someone, you will be benefitting yourself more than you will be helping them. By forgiving those who have wronged you, you will be allowing yourself to experience:

-healthy relationships

-less stress and anxiety

-an increase in self-esteem

-lower blood pressure and improved heart health

-better mental health

-fewer depression symptoms

How You Can Begin to Forgive

Forgiveness happens differently for everyone. You must decide on the process you will take on your own, but some ideas may help you.

First, you have to realize how beneficial forgiveness is to your life. Then, determine who it is that needs to be forgiven and what they need to be forgiven for.

You have to acknowledge how the person made you feel, and make a note of how this affects you. If you don’t do this part, it will be nearly impossible for you to release your feelings. You can then make a conscious decision to forgive those who have hurt you.

If you still can’t bring yourself to forgive them, you may consider seeing a counselor. There are also support groups you could look for to help you through the process.

Once you’ve made some progress, stop viewing yourself as a victim. While the way you felt will never be forgotten, you have to stop feeling like a victim to fully move on. This way, you will be taking back control of your own life and you will notice a feeling of relief.

Some other ideas for beginning to forgive someone include:

-practicing empathy by seeing the situation from their perspective

-consider how you would have reacted if you were them in that situation

-think about the times you have hurt someone you love, and consider if they forgave you

-write about the situation and feeling in a journal

-meditate

-speak with someone you trust and can rely on

Does Forgiveness Mean You Will Have to Continue the Relationship?

While forgiveness oftentimes repairs a relationship and allows for reconciliation, that isn’t always the way it works out. Sometimes, you might not even want to resume the relationship. In this case, forgiveness is still important so that you can move on and let go of negative feelings.

Forgiveness is personal and doesn’t always require a face-to-face conversation. It can happen within yourself, and no one else will even have to know. This is how you will likely want to handle it if you can’t or don’t want to reconcile with them.

Final Thoughts on Psychology Explains Why Holding a Grudge Causes Excess Stress

The excess stress that is caused by holding a grudge can cause many problems in your life, as described above. You have to consciously decide to stop letting things that have happened control and define your life. Being unforgiving will only cause you more problems than forgiving the person would cause.

Holding grudges is more detrimental to you than to those you are holding them against. You can’t continue letting them win and control your feelings, so you have to forgive.

Even if you can’t forget what was said or done to you, you can still make a personal choice to forgive. Then, you will be able to move on with your life and focus on all the things that matter.

Hospice Nurses Reveal 5 Regrets That People Make on Their Deathbeds

August 14, 2020 by Power of Positivity

You probably don’t sit around thinking much about death. Not many people do. But some nurses come face to face with death every day. They hear a great deal of dying people’s regrets. Rarely do nurses hear a dying person express sorrow over their living room color choices or the kind of car they drove. Their deathbed regrets are usually closer to the heart than this.

Hospice workers are often the last people to interact with the dying in their final moments. Here, hospice nurses reveal some of the musings of people who are making that transition.

What are the Top 5 Regrets People Make on Their Deathbed?

Here are some of the revelations that people make as they slip from the universe and into their next destination.

1 – Dying people have family regrets

One of the top regrets expressed by people on their deathbeds has to do with their family members. Dying people frequently wish they had spent more time with their kids, or their wife, or their siblings or their parents.

According to palliative care nurse Bonnie Ware, they wish they spent more of their time on family vacations instead of working all the time. They wish they had gone to visit their siblings in another state instead of making the excuse that it was too far away. These regrets are heartbreaking because many times, the people who need to hear these expressed regrets aren’t around anymore. Or if they are still around, by now, the relationships are so broken that these last-minute regrets sound hollow to them. Family relationships are always messy, but when you don’t value your family, it gets even messier, and it ends up in endless regrets.

Lesson learned:

The take away from this regret, of course, is that you don’t need to end up with these regrets on your death bed. Learn from what nurses say is the most common regret shared by their dying patients. Value your family, take time off work to go on that family vacation or to play with your kids.

Visit your siblings in another state, even if it’s expensive and inconvenient. Be the one who initiates instead of waiting for the other person. Give your family your time and energy now while you still can so that in the end, you will have a free and clear conscience. You won have regrets because you did the best you could to make your family feel loved by you.

2 – People on their deathbed wish they had been a better person

It’s often not until it’s too late that people wish they had been nicer people. It’s weird how they don’t think about it until it’s really too late to do anything. Perhaps they wish they’d been a kinder, more patient, and more loving person. They may apologize for their bad behavior towards their kids or wife for their failures. It brings them peace knowing their family heard their confession, but for the family, it’s often too little, too late. The years of being kinder, patient, and gentle are lost.

Some dying patients also express that they listened to their doctor and followed better health habits before it became too late. Nurse Jaime Lynn notes on Quora that this regret is prevalent among drug addicts and alcoholics in their final hours.

Lesson learned:

You never hear someone complain about their parent or spouse being too kind or too loving. “If my wife would just stop being such a caring person, I’d be much happier in my marriage,” will never be said. Sadly, you typically hear the opposite being said. It’s never too late to begin being the kindest, most loving person you can be. Today could be the day you begin to love your family members more. Perhaps you need to apologize to someone. Today is as ideal a day as any to do it. Don’t wait until you’re dying to say you love your kids or wife.

3 – People wish they had taken more risks

Hospice advocate Jaime Garrison mentions on Quora that some patients on their deathbed express regret over the things they didn’t do.

As people age, they often reminisce about what their life could have been. What f they had taken that overseas job, or went to medical school? They have lots of time to sit around to think and to wish they’d done some things differently. They regret not making some decisions.

Maybe they were dissuaded by their parents, who thought that risk-taking wasn’t wise. Or they were afraid of the unknown. These regrets are heard by nurses all the time. It’s sad because there’s nothing to be said except to reassure the dying person that they did their best they could at the time. No one gets a second go-around in life; no one gets a do-over.

Lesson learned:

It’s hard to know when you’re in the middle of making a decision whether you will wish you’d done things differently later on. You weigh all the options, but making decisions isn’t a clear cut process every time. All you can do is to decide what seems right at the moment. If you’re making your decisions based on what you see and feel is right at the moment, you shouldn’t feel regret.

Evaluate your decision-making process. Are there things you’re not doing because of fear of taking a risk? Is there something you’d like to learn or do, but you’ve been putting it off? Take a tip from these dying people’s regrets. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Do that thing you’ve been dreaming about. If you fail, so what? Failure is not the worst thing that can happen in your life. Don’t be afraid to take risks. You will be glad you did when you’re older. You don’t want to be that person on your death bed full of regrets about all the what-ifs in your life.

4 – They missed opportunities to express their feelings

Drying people frequently have loose tongues. All at once, they are open about their feelings as well as regrets. Perhaps it’s their medication doing it, but they suddenly wish they’d expressed their pent-up feelings to their loved ones. Sometimes people fear being honest with their family members, or they just don’t know how to express themselves. Some people are raised to keep feelings inside.

Whatever the reason, deathbeds are like confessionals. The dying have important things they want to say, and oftentimes, it’s just the nurses around to hear them. They want to share all the things they neglected to say for decades. Nurses can comfort these patients by telling them they did the best they could. But this won’t erase their regrets.

Lesson learned:

It’s always better to say something than to hold your feelings inside. Not being honest about your feelings never helps anyone. Honestly, sharing your feelings doesn’t give you a license to vent your anger at people. It simply means you honestly but gently share how you honestly feel.

Maybe you’ve been disappointed that your friends or family didn’t support you through an especially difficult time in your life. Or perhaps there is someone in your life who you appreciate, but you’ve never expressed it to them to their face. Being open about your feelings can result in deeper, stronger relationships with people. Don’t wait until you are on your deathbed! Go ahead and express your feelings now.

5 – People on their deathbed wish they could offer forgiveness of an old wrong

People often carry old grievances well into their elderly years. Injustices, whether real or perceived by family members or friends, embitter their hearts and minds. It’s often not until they become sick on their deathbeds that they begin to view these grievances in a new light. Maybe cutting off that relationship wasn’t worth the pain? What if they had forgiven that person? Would they feel this regret?

Lesson learned:

Nurses say that dying patients say time and again that they wished they had forgiven someone. It’s one of the top five regrets these nurses hear. The lesson here, of course, is to consider your own relationships. Is there a person or people you need to forgive? Could you take the first step in healing a broken friendship? We can all learn from dying people’s regrets about forgiveness. You can work hard not to have this same kind of regret in your life.

Final Thoughts on Learning Lessons from People on Their Deathbeds

Rarely do you hear that someone’s dying regrets had anything to do with what their house looked like or what kind of clothes they wore? The importance of material things fades away when you are close to death. You have regrets about people in your life, rather than the things in your life. Your lingering thoughts and regrets drift to how you lived your life and who you loved and cared for.

The lesson learned from this list of five regrets is that life is short. Love your family and those around you the best you can. Take risks when appropriate; don’t fear failing.

Be a forgiving, kindhearted person. No one will ever complain about that. And last of all, say what you’re feeling instead of repressing it. Be generous in sharing your feelings of love and care for people. You’ll never have regrets about that.

The lessons learned from these dying patents’ lips should motivate you in how you live your life so that someday when you are in their position, you’ll be regret-free.

10 Signs Your Best Friend is Your Soul Sister

August 14, 2020 by Power of Positivity

If you have a soul sister, consider yourself lucky! Indeed, not everyone gets to experience such a special friendship in this lifetime. Soul sisters may not have grown up in the same family. However, they connect on such a deep level that it seems like they’ve known each other forever. You’ll find that no friendship compares to the one you have with your soul sister. She will just “get” you, without you having to translate your soul.

In other words, you will speak the same language and feel that your hearts come from the same place. If you can find a best friend and soul sister in the same person, you’ll never have to feel misunderstood or alone in this life anymore. This world can seem like an overwhelming, scary place at times. But having someone who will support you always, no matter what, makes the journey so much easier to bear.

So, if you have someone like this friend in your life, you’ll probably notice the following characteristics of your friendship.

10 Signs Your Best Friend is A Soul Sister

“Soul Sister – a female friend not related by blood who shares a bond that transcends time, distance, and space.”

1 – You feel like you’ve known them for lifetimes.

At the very beginning of your friendship, you’ll feel an overwhelming familiarity. It might feel you have met them somewhere before. You can’t quite explain it, but they just feel like a very old friend who you haven’t seen in a while. When you cross paths, it seems as if you’re picking up where you left off and not meeting as strangers for the first time. When you talk to them, you’ll notice that you don’t have to wear a mask, and you feel comfortable being your authentic self.

You’ll quickly realize this almost magnetic connection because it feels effortless and gives you a great sense of comfort. The conversation will come naturally because you speak the same soul language, and even if you sit in silence for a while, it won’t feel awkward or uncomfortable. Your connection with them seems very natural, and you’ll feel like you have many memories together.

2 – You have similar energy and personalities.

A soul sister will vibe and relate to you like no one else, and you won’t have to worry about your energy getting drained around them. You can talk with them for hours and never feel bored or tired of the conversation, and you never run out of topics to talk about. Both of you may have similar interests and thinking patterns, which makes it easy to understand each other. Your personalities also mesh well together, and you just enjoy being in their company or talking on the phone with them.

Even if you talk every day, you don’t feel suffocated by the friendship because they genuinely make your heart happy.

3 – It feels like you met them for an important reason.

Even if you don’t consider yourself a spiritual person, it feels like the universe had a special meaning for bringing you together. You may get this feeling right when you meet them as if they’re an essential piece of your puzzle somehow. Soul connections don’t just happen randomly. Perhaps they’ve come to teach you a soul lesson or help you along your journey somehow. You may not be able to put your finger on it, but you know this friendship feels different than the others in your life, and you feel linked to them in some otherworldly way.

4 – You’ll feel comfortable talking about anything with your best friend.

It may feel as if you haven’t been truly seen or heard before you met your soul sister. From the beginning of your friendship, you’ve felt comfortable sharing some of your deepest secrets because you thought you could trust them early on. You know they’d never judge you or make you feel uncomfortable, so no topic of conversation is off the table.

You speak the same soul language also, so you just get each other without having to explain anything. Even if you come from varied backgrounds, you may find you’ve had similar life experiences, which help strengthen your understanding of one another and bring you closer together.

5 – They love and accept you as you are.

One of the best things about a soul sister is you don’t have to pretend to be something you’re not or change anything about yourself to feel accepted. With your best friend, you can truly come as you are and not have to worry about living up to certain expectations. You can be vulnerable and real with them, and they wouldn’t have it any other way. Meeting them will feel so refreshing to your soul because you’ll feel understood in a way you probably haven’t before.

6 – You consider them part of your family and would do anything for them.

You may not have known them for a long time in this life, but they’ve quickly become significant to you. You don’t even want to imagine life without them because your best friend brings such joy and comfort to your soul. While you might not be blood-related, you treat them as part of your family since you can always count on them for real support and guidance in life. They’re your ride or die for life, and you never have to wonder where you stand with them.

7 – Your soul sister brings out the best in you.

Some people believe that certain divine friendships help bring out real soul qualities, like selflessness, unconditional love, compassion, joy, and peace. If you notice these traits in each other, the universe may have brought you together to help your soul’s evolution. You look up to your best friend and feel lucky to have them in your life because of the amazing person they are. It feels like they want you to become your best self, and you wish the same for them.

8 – You met at a difficult time in each other’s lives.

A lot of soul friendships form during challenging times in life. That’s because the universe likes to send support when you need it the most. Also, if you have a similar karmic path as your soul sister, this could explain why you met at a certain point in each other’s journey. Your intuition might even urge you to talk to this person because the universe always sends precisely who you need at the right time.

Almost immediately, you felt like you could share the struggles in your life with them, and they helped you get through the dark days. A soul sister won’t turn her back on you when you need her the most, and because of this, she’s earned your trust. They uncanningly know exactly what to say to make you feel better, and you genuinely appreciate them for giving such unconditional love and support.

9 – You can have a good time just sitting around and talking.

You can just sit in each other’s companionship and not have to say much to have a good time. You don’t have to stress out about them getting bored around you since you have similar energy and don’t need constant conversation. Additionally, you also do not need to go out to a bunch of places to keep each other entertained, because you can have just as much fun doing nothing at all. These types of friendships where you can just relax and not have to worry about impressing anyone don’t happen often. If you should happen to be fortunate enough to find someone who understands your energy, you’ll probably never get tired of being around them.

10 – Talking to them, feels therapeutic in some way.

When you talk with them, your soul finally feels understood, and you don’t feel as alone anymore. With other friends or family, you might feel they just don’t get you or that you have to censor yourself in some way. With a soul sister, you can talk about your weirdest, darkest thoughts or feelings and not feel embarrassed or ashamed about them. The connection you have with them feels therapeutic and healing for your soul in a way you can’t quite explain, but you just know it deep down.

Final thoughts on signs your best friend is your soul sister

Every once in a lifetime, you might meet someone who feels so familiar and comforting to your soul that you know you’ve crossed paths before. A soul sister changes your life for the better because of the guidance and support they offer, and you can’t imagine life without them anymore. You will feel an overwhelming sense of pure joy and love when you meet them because of the strong bond you share across many lifetimes. They genuinely feel like a soulmate friend, and you connect with them in a way you haven’t with anyone else.

You feel a deep love and care for them, even if you haven’t known them for long in this life. If you have this soul connection in your life, you have truly been blessed by the universe.

Psychology Explains the Difference Between Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation

August 14, 2020 by Power of Positivity

Motivation drives us to get out of bed every day to accomplish something important to us. These goals might involve work, school, or training for a marathon. We all have different reasons for choosing specific goals. And we are each driven by both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Below, we’ll break down the various definitions for you.

Intrinsic motivation – This mindset involves doing something because you get a personal reward out of it. Think of it as enjoyment or eagerness to learn a new skill.
Extrinsic motivation – doing something because of an external reward. Consider scenarios such as a raise at work or losing weight from exercising. You may also be extrinsically motivated to avoid punishment, such as losing your job or gaining weight from not exercising.

You can sum these up by saying that intrinsic motivation arises from within, while extrinsic motivation comes from influences outside oneself. By looking at these definitions, you might think that intrinsic motivation matters most. However, both of them have their importance in shaping our society. For example, if you only did what brought you happiness and joy, you wouldn’t have the drive to accomplish tasks at work which involve other people.

For example, you wouldn’t care about pleasing your boss or coworkers. That’s because you’d only pay attention to your desires.

So, we’ll delve a little further into the psychology behind motivation and the significant differences between both types of it.

The Differences Between Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivation

Now that you know where each type of motivation comes from, let’s get into some more examples of both:

Intrinsic:

getting involves in sports or other hobbies that you enjoy
cleaning up your room because you like keeping it organized
studying a subject like astrophysics simply because you want to learn new things
exercising because it makes you feel better.

Extrinsic:

finishing your work because you don’t want to get fired,
taking on the extra workload at your job because you want a promotion
cleaning your room because you have guests coming over
studying a subject because you need to pass a test at school.

As you can see, we need both types of motivation in our society to keep it functioning correctly. If everyone only did things to please others or avoid punishment, we would lose what makes us human and act more like robots. However, if we only did whatever we wanted all the time, we couldn’t maintain the products and services that keep our society running. So, we should strive to maintain a reasonable balance between what makes us personally happy and what we need to accomplish for societal obligations.

How Each Type of Motivation Influences Behavior

Some studies have shown that offering too many rewards for a behavior that already gives intrinsic satisfaction can decrease internal motivation, otherwise known as the overjustification effect. For example, in this study involving 20-month olds, researchers found that their altruistic tendencies decreased when they were given too many external rewards, such as praise or toys. Another study found a similar outcome in those with intellectual and developmental disabilities, discovering that their intrinsic motivation decreased as external rewards increased.

Why does this phenomenon happen? According to the American Psychological Association, people tend to focus more on external rewards than internal satisfaction, despite their natural desire to do what makes them happy. Another factor influencing this behavior involves punishment or bribery. If people feel like they must do something out of fear or coercion, they will focus more on extrinsic motivation since they believe they have something to lose.

The studies:

Research also shows that if people get external reinforcement for doing a good job, the overjustification effect won’t have as much influence on them. For example, if you do well on a test because you studied for it, this won’t cause your internal motivation to decrease. Since your performance on the test depends on how hard you studied, getting a good grade drives your studying behavior. In the cases listed above with the children, the external motivation didn’t depend on their performance, so they lost their desire to keep up the behavior.

Another study found that parents should use moderation in giving their children praise. Children who receive praise for their efforts in completing a task rather than for their inherent talents or personality traits believe that success depends on how hard they work, not how smart they are. Children who develop this mindset also tend to persist in the face of struggles. That’s because they know that hard work will carry them through tough times. If children just believe that intelligence matters, they won’t have the external motivation to keep going in the face of adversity.

This makes sense because every parent wants to believe their child possesses some unique or otherworldly personality trait or intellect, which will get them ahead in the world. However, the research consistently shows that children have more success when their parents raise them to work harder for whatever they want to achieve in life. If parents reward their children too often for good behaviors, this enforces the idea that they will not have to put in very much effort to obtain rewards.

When to Use Each Type of Motivation

This applies mostly to employers or parents who have to motivate others to accomplish tasks. Extrinsic motivation can come in handy in the following types of situations:

External rewards can help others become interested in a subject or activity that they had no desire to learn before.
Extrinsic rewards can motivate people to acquire new skillsets and knowledge. Once they learn the skills, they may have more internal motivation to pursue a job or activity.
External rewards can also help people know where they stand in their job or schoolwork. It serves as a way to give people feedback and let them know when they’ve done a good job.

In cases where people already enjoy an activity, parents or employers should refrain from giving external motivation. Basically, it boils down to moderation. Giving too much praise makes the individual less likely to keep up the good behavior. On the other hand, too little praise causes the person to become resentful and disinterested in the activity.

When motivation becomes more important:

External motivation helps in cases where people have no interest in an activity or task. Think about the kids doing a school assignment or an important task at work. You don’t want to give too many rewards. Offer just enough to get people motivated to complete the job. Researchers have drawn the following conclusions about how intrinsic and extrinsic motivation work:

Unexpected rewards usually don’t curb internal motivation. For example, if you actually enjoy your job and you help the company bring in more money, your boss may reward you with a gift card or a promotion. This won’t affect your intrinsic motivation because you genuinely enjoy your work. However, if people start expecting rewards every time they accomplish something, this can become problematic.
Praise can boost your internal motivation in some cases. Researchers have found that giving people positive feedback when they perform a task better than others can improve their internal motivation for doing that task.
Internal motivation will decrease when people receive rewards for doing what’s expected of them or for simple tasks. For example, if parents give their children $5 every time they make their bed, it will lower their motivation for doing their chores every day.

How to Use Each Type of Motivation in Your Life

Think about what goals you have or what duties you’ve been given in your daily life. No matter if you go to school or have a full-time job, you can learn what motivates you and how to use this to your advantage. Let’s say, for example. You have your own business running a travel website. Now, think about what makes you motivated to keep growing this venture.

You probably have both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation to maintain your business. That’s because your work keeps people coming to the website each day, which generates monetary rewards. However, you obviously picked that line of work because you get personal satisfaction from teaching people about the finest places to travel around the world. We all get motivated by external and internal factors. Moreover, both of them are necessary for a functional society.

Final thoughts about extrinsic and intrinsic motivation

As you’ve learned in this article, extrinsic motivation comes from anything outside yourself that keeps you working toward a specific goal. Usually, people get motivated by other’s opinions of them, monetary rewards, or positive praise. For example, if you hope to lose weight for external reasons, you may care about looking better to attract someone’s attention or because you want to feel better. However, you may not personally enjoy working out.

Intrinsic motivation comes from anything that we do because we get pleasure out of it. This may pertain to certain hobbies you have. Or, in some cases, it may involve your job. (Although, unfortunately, most people go to work just to pay the bills). As you can see, both types of motivation have a place in society. And we can use both of them to our advantage.

5 Signs Of Bad Communication In A Marriage

August 14, 2020 by Power of Positivity

Any divorce lawyer will tell you that one of the most common reasons that a marriage fails is bad communication. People just don’t talk or express themselves as they used to. While some of this can be blamed on phones and other devices, a lot of it is simply two people who are unwilling to see eye to eye until it’s too late.

The good and bad news is that this poor communication doesn’t just “jump” to the end result of divorce. There are usually plenty of signs of communication problems in that way. Many couples may not even be aware of the symptoms.

According to a study published by Dr. Mary Ogechi Esere and other colleagues of The University of Illoran, Nigeria, a marriage without effective communication will crumble. Because of this, it’s essential to recognize and fix communication problems before the union gets to the point of collapsing. Here are five signs of bad communication in a marriage that you can begin to recognize and fix before they get out of control.

1. You have replaced listening with talking.

One of the most significant indicators of a failure to communicate is when communication becomes a one-way street. Sure, there is plenty of talking happening. The two of you aren’t missing a beat when it comes to sharing information.

You may share the details of your day or talk about any activities or chores that need to be done. You may speak about childcare concerns or bills, or even ask how work is going.

One person may even be expressing deeper concerns like how they’re feeling about certain things. This is where the real disconnection comes in. The other partner may simply respond with more talk.

The problem is that it’s all talk, just something that’s filling the air. Either one or both parties are simply not listening to the other. You hear each other, but you’re not processing what’s being said and taking the time to truly understand your partner’s feelings.

It’s like the wants, needs, and desires of each person are being tuned out. This type of dismissive behavior must be nipped in the bud early before it can have lasting damage to a marriage.

Each person must understand that merely hearing the other person isn’t enough. You must each think about what your partner is saying and process it. Only then can effective communication be restored, and a solution to whatever other problems are happening can be found.

2. You find yourself assuming how your partner is feeling.

It’s every person’s dream – to find someone who is on the same wavelength as they are. They want someone that’s so “in tune” with them that the person just automatically knows how they’re feeling.

On the surface, that sounds nice but, that only works in the cupcake stages of a relationship. This is because you’re only dealing with a limited range of emotions. However, keep in mind that we’re all a sophisticated container full of emotions brimming beneath the surface.

By the time you get married, you should have made it past all those initial, easy-to-read emotions. You should understand that there is more than what you can see. This means that you aren’t going always to be able to “read” your partner’s feelings.

That’s okay! It can be considered as healthy. After all, you’re most likely not a psychiatrist or a psychic. This is where communication comes in. You absolutely must be able to talk to each other about your feelings.

When you find yourself in a situation where you can’t or won’t talk to each other about your feelings, there is a severe breakdown of communication. There should never be a time where you’re assuming your partner’s feelings and vice versa. When this starts happening, it’s time to get together and work on the communication between the two of you.

3. You find yourself being irritated at even the smallest issues.

It may seem like your partner can do nothing right lately. You may find yourself wondering how he can be such a screwup. I mean, simple things aren’t even being done, simple needs aren’t being met, and you just too annoyed to even mention them.

When you stop to think about it, a lot of these situations are just that – situations. Not issues. You might not even be able to put your finger on why these things irritate you so much.

There may have even been a time where you thought these little nuances were cute. Those were simpler times. Times when it seemed your partner could do no wrong.

Those times don’t have to be gone forever. You can fix the issue of being irritated at everything if you fix the real issues that’s going on between you. There is only one way to fix those practical issues, and that is to change the bad communication.

You must be willing and able to express what’s irritating you. This doesn’t mean petty stuff. This means the real stuff that’s slowly chipping away at you. You also must be able to listen to your partner if they want to express what’s irritating them.

4. You feel more comfortable talking to someone outside of the marriage.

When you are more comfortable talking to someone outside of the marriage instead of your spouse, there is a clear issue with bad communication. Your spouse should always be the first person you can go to whenever you need to talk. You should feel comfortable in confiding in your spouse, and your spouse should feel the same way about confiding in you.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t ever confide in friends or family. It’s healthy to be able to talk to others outside of your relationship. Sometimes a fresh perspective on situations can help to open your eyes to specific issues.

However, they should never be a substitute for talking to your spouse. When you begin to avoid talking to your spouse in favor of talking to others, that’s when it’s not okay. That’s when you and your spouse need to talk more than ever, no matter how uncomfortable it can get.

There shouldn’t be any subject that you can’t talk to your spouse about. Even if specific issues push both of your buttons, you should still be confident in knowing that you can speak to your spouse even in disagreement. If not, you may both need to seek outside help together instead of individually.

5. Your sex life is terrible.

Sex might not be everything in a marriage, but it does count for a whole lot. When there is any type of problem in a marriage, you can be sure that it will be reflected through your sexual chemistry. If you’ve noticed a change in your sexual habits with your spouse, bad communication may be the blame.

Poor communication leads to a breakdown in other aspects of the relationship. This can include emotional, mental, and even spiritual elements. Once these things have been broken down due to lack of communication, what you have left is sex.

Sex alone doesn’t keep a marriage together.

You’ll begin to notice that physical bond breaking between you and your spouse. One or both of you may simply “not be in the mood” more often. By the time you’ve reached this point, you’ve probably let the lack of proper communication go too far.

According to Chris Kraft, Ph.D., a director of clinical services of the Sex and Gender Clinic at John Hopkins Medicine, there are plenty of sexual roadblocks that occur in marriages. It’s not necessarily even malicious roadblocks, just everyday circumstances like kids, bills, careers, and more.

The problems mainly occur when there is no communication between spouses about how they’re feeling about all of these things. “You need to talk about it because the resentment that builds up around feelings of inequality is one of the biggest killers of intimacy and sexuality,” says Dr. Kraft.

It’s time to rush into fixing your bad communication problem before it’s too late. It takes two to tango, so if you’re feeling the results of poor communication through your sex life, your spouse is feeling it also. Just sit down and have an honest conversation with each other.

Final Thoughts on Signs of Bad Communication in a Marriage

You got married for a reason. That reason had to have been worth it, right? If your answer is yes, then it’s time to fix the poor communication between you and your spouse.

Communication is what keeps a marriage secure. Sure, times may get tough, and your spirit may get drained from time to time, but this is when you need your partner the most. Use the five signs above to recognize when bad communication has become a problem in your marriage so you can fix it before it becomes a more significant issue.

10 Waist Training Exercises to Make You Slim and Trim

August 14, 2020 by Power of Positivity

Everyone wants a healthy body. No matter who you are, it seems like we all have something we’d like to work on. Thankfully, you can make changes by altering what you eat and how you exercise. And adding waist training moves to your fitness routine can give you the slimmer silhouette you want.

Do you crave a sleeker midsection with chiseled abdominals and obliques? Some experts say that your body shape depends a lot on heredity. Sorry, but you can only blame your parents for your love handles and saddlebags so much. Your physique depends greatly on your diet and activity level.

Today’s buzzwords in the health and fitness world are fat-burning and body sculpting. You’ve probably read the alarming statistics concerning the obesity epidemic in America. It’s a national health emergency that affects adults but is also plaguing children.

You know the importance of your body mass index or BMI. This number is significant as it tells you the fat percentage of your body mass. To calculate this number, you divide your weight by your height. Another major factor in determining BMI is your gender.

Maneuvers to Make You Slim and Trim

According to the CDC, your BMI range should be 18-25. You are considered overweight when you get above a 25. You become obese if your BMI gets over 30. It’s essential to keep your BMI at an optimal range to have a leaner, healthier body. To help you with this task, here are some fun waist training exercises to try.

1. Side Crunches

If you want to get rid of those pesky love handles, then the side crunches should help. You will get a good workout for your, waist, hips, and legs.

How to Do It:

Imagine that you’re lying on the bed watching television, as that’s the position you need to be in. Now, turn to your right side paying attention to keep your legs together. Place your left arm behind your head to make yourself comfortable.

You want to form a “V” with your legs and upper body. Bring your legs up as you lift your chest to meet them. Now, breathe in and out for 3-5 seconds and hold the pose. Slowly release your body back down to the starting position. Switch and do it on the right side now. You want to strive for 8-10 reps per side.

2. Triangle Crunches

No waist training workout would be complete without these fat-burning crunches. These triangle crunches can strengthen and tone your abdominals, your sides, and your hips. If you add a little bit of mindful breathing with them, you’ll get the aerobic benefit your heart needs.

How to Do It:

You need to have excellent balance to do this maneuver. Start by putting your left knee on the floor as you lift the right one. Your left-hand goes behind your head, and your right one goes on the floor to help you keep your grounding.

Now, bring your right leg up and do a modified leg lift. When you bring the leg to the top of the lift, hold the pose for 1-2 seconds, then bring it back down. You should do about 20-30 reps per side. You should feel the burn in your abs and hips with this exercise.

3. Arm Planks

Arm planks are some of the best exercises for waist training. While it seems odd, the great thing about these planks is that they will work many of the larger muscle groups in the body. If you lack good posture, then these little maneuvers can help you correct your position and shape your waist.

How to Do It:

Get into the push-up position and bend your forearms as you face forward. Ensure you align your shoulders with your elbows and keep your arms about a shoulder’s width apart. Now, find a spot on the floor to focus on, and keep your neck and spine in proper alignment.

Hold this position while you breathe in and out for 10-15 seconds. Now, lower your body and relax for a few breaths.

4. Starfish Crunch

The cute name of this maneuver was dubbed after the marine creature, the starfish. It’s a bit difficult for those who have arthritis and other issues, so make sure you work to your comfort level.

How to Do It:

Start by lying on the floor flat on your back. Go into a spread-eagle position with your arms and legs spread out. Make sure not to stretch your body too far as it can cause pain. Now, you want to bend your legs up and bring your arms towards your knees.

Your knees and elbows must meet. As you roll your inner section forward to allow the connection, you will feel your core muscles tighten. You need to hold this position for 1-2 seconds and then return to the original prostate stance. You should strive for 20 reps.

5. Criss-Crosses

Fat-burning is essential for losing weight. However, some of the troubled areas, like your waist, are stubborn and don’t like to release it. If you want a trimmer midsection, make these crisscrosses a part of your workout routine.

How to Do It:

Lay on the floor on your right side. Keep your feet stacked on top of each other. Now, rest your hand down your side and keep the left arm as a support for your head. Your right elbow should be pointing towards the ceiling.

Slowly bring your feet into the air while you raise your upper body. Your shoulders and feet should never touch the floor. Hold this position for 1-2 seconds. Do ten reps on one side, then switch to the other side.

If that sounds too advanced, here is a beginner’s variation of that move:

6. Windshield Wipers

The windshield wiper is a good maneuver if you often have hip and lower back pain. The great thing about this exercise is that it can help to strengthen troubled areas while sculpting the muscles in your lower body.

How to Do It:

Lay flat on the floor and hold your arms straight at both sides. Now, slowly lift your legs and bend the knees until they reach a 90-degree angle. Hold for 1-2 seconds, rotate your legs to one side, and make sure they don’t contact the floor.

Hold again for another 1-2 seconds before returning to the starting position. You need to repeat these steps 15 times on each side for a total of 20-30 reps.

7. Donkey Kicks

Do you find that the fat around your midsection area seems to be as stubborn as a donkey? You can start your waist training exercises with a kick. If you want to tone your backside, hips, and thighs, this easy maneuver is for you.

How to Do It:

Get into the doggy position with your knees and hands flat on the floor. Make sure that you keep your hands in alignment with your shoulders. As you breathe, make sure you contract your core muscles. Now, raise one leg and kick it upwards.

You should feel a burn in your glute muscles as you perform this exercise, especially when you keep both your hips and pelvis pointed down. Make sure you keep your head straight and your face looking downward. Keeping your face looking down is essential, or you can cause neck strain. Now, complete ten reps for each leg.

8. Heel Touches

Sometimes, it’s the simple exercises have the most significant outcome. Heel touches can help you to strengthen your core, sides, and belly area.

How to Do It:

First, lay flat on the floor while keeping your knees bent. Keep your legs a shoulder-width apart. Now, keep your palms facing inward, but stretch your arms out to the side. Inhale for 1-2 seconds. While breathing, you need to tighten your upper body to touch your right hand to your right heel.

Hold this movement for 1-2 seconds, and then return to your original position. The goal is to do ten reps on each side for a total of 20.

9. Butterfly Kicks

You’ve never seen a butterfly with a thick waistline, have you? Maybe she knows the secret to this unique waist training exercise.

How to Do It:

Start by lying flat on the floor. You want to clasp your hands behind your head with your elbows bent. Now, lift your shoulders from the mat and keep your elbows pointing outwards. Raise your legs until they are roughly the same height as your shoulders.

Now, here comes the butterfly part. You want to flutter your feet back and forth while holding the upward body in position. Don’t allow the feet to touch. Hold this place for 10-20 seconds, then return to the starting position.

10. Leg Raises

These go beyond the leg lifts you did in high school gym class. You will use your hips and bottom muscles to bring your legs over your head, giving your body a fat-burning stretch.

How to Do It:

Position a sturdy chair, then lie down flat on your back with your head facing the chair. Using both arms, reach behind you and grab onto the front chair legs. Then, involve your core muscles and glutes to gradually raise your legs and bottom side upwards.

You should use your arms for support. Boost your body until your legs and feet are directly over your head. If done correctly, your body will be balancing on your upper torso and shoulders. Hold for 2-3 breaths.

Final Thoughts on Adding Waist Training to Your Exercise Plan

Some of these maneuvers are easier than others. If you have an underlying medical condition, like arthritis, talk to your medical provider about which routines are safe. Some of the best waist training maneuvers target the obliques to give you a trimmer midsection.

Research Reveals Why Humans Often Make Wrong Assumptions

August 14, 2020 by Power of Positivity

Did you know that things are never usually as they appear? Take, for instance, social media. People can create a persona that makes them seem like they have an ideal life. Others see a family that is always smiling, enjoying each other on exotic vacations, and everything looks like perfection.

However, what you may not see behind those pictures are the financial problems, marital issues, or the out of control children. You don’t see the many nights the wife spends trying to find her husband as he drinks his cares away at the local bars. You make assumptions on things you see and hear, but can you trust your senses?

Understanding Why We Make Assumptions

Frontiers in Neuroscience explains how personal emotions influence your mindset–and in making assumptions.

Assumptions are based on your beliefs and feelings, and you project these things onto others. However, making these hypotheses is often a dangerous game as things are rarely how they seem. Why is it that humans are always so eager to jump to conclusions about others?

Let’s assume you go to the department store one afternoon. You notice a friend in there with a man that is not her husband. Instead of thinking logically that there must be a reason for this occurrence, your mind automatically sees the situation in the worst possible light.

The person with the lady in the store might be a relative, or it could be a friend asking for help in picking out something for their girlfriend. You don’t know that situation, but you are eager to judge based on only what you see.

The Self-Centered Nature of Humans

A psychological study proved that making assumptions stems from inherent biases.

So, why do people tend to jump to conclusions when they only have a fraction of the story? It’s because you see things through your perception. Everyone is a little bit self-centered, and whatever your brain tells you must be gospel.

How often have you become upset because your friend didn’t see things your way as if your opinion were the only one that counted? Have you ever been in a conversation with someone, and rather than truly listening to what they had to say, you were contemplating what you would say next?

Every person on planet earth is unique. While you may share similar traits like blue eyes or brown hair, there is no one else like you around. So, why is it that so many people expect and assume that everyone should be the same?

If someone doesn’t like the things you do or see things your way, then they are wrong. Could you be a bit negative towards those that don’t fit the classic mold, so you judge them?

Dealing with Preconceived Notions

A preconceived notion is a conception that is grounded in your experiences. For instance, you believe that you know all the ingredients in a pepperoni pizza just by looking at it. You know that you’ve made them at home, and you used flour, yeast, salt, sugar, cornmeal, and water for the crust.

You presume that whoever made this pizza used the same ingredients based on your methods. However, they may have a special ingredient in their crust that gives it that extra chewy flavor. A preconceived notion is a belief grounded in an assumption because there is nothing to back it up. Without proof or certainty, you must use your life experiences to form a conclusion.

The only problem with these notions is that you believe them to be correct, but they may be false. Additionally, these things can put you in an extremely negative mindset, and you can become critical of others. It can even affect how you treat other people.

Tatiana De Rosnay wrote a novel about how preconceived thinking alters your attitude about others. The book is called “A Secret Kept.” In this novel, she explores a brother and sister looking for information about their deceased mother.

The mother died when the duo was little, and all they were left behind with was some love letters that were written to her. Her lover wrote beautiful memos that gave them great comfort in knowing that she was loved and adored. The children believed that the person writing the letters was a man.

Years later, they were astounded to find out that a woman wrote these notes. Their mother was in a relationship with a lady. There were plenty of other clues in the letters that it was two women in love, but the children assumed it was a man doing the writing based on their preconceived concepts.

According to the NIH, the difficulty in taking preconceived notions as truths is that it can lead you to extremely negative and critical opinions about others. Additionally, those beliefs can affect how you treat others too.

5 Tips for Breaking the Negative Mindset That Leads to Assumptions

Your beliefs and prejudices come from your life experiences and your upbringing. At birth, a child knows no race, gender, or religion. They learn these things through observing and hearing their parents, grandparents, and other family members.

As a child ages, they soon learn the differences in society. Your mind also helps to form these beliefs based on things that have happened to you. For instance, if you knew a girl in school named Kennedy that was always troubled and an emotional wreck, then you might be against naming your daughter the same.

It’s not that your daughter would be a problem child, but you automatically remember a fellow student, and her actions are forever associated with that name. How often has your negative mindset caused you to make assumptions about people that weren’t true just because you had a bad experience?

Thankfully, you have the power to break this cycle and to stop making assumptions about people. Even though humans tend to be a bit self-centered, it’s possible to change your thinking. Here are some tips to help you reverse your negative thought processes.

1. Live in the Moment

Don’t allow your mind to build elaborate ideas of how people are going to be. Take time to discover a person and genuinely get to know them. So many people are judging books by their cover that they never take time to see what’s on the inside.

The sad thing is you’ve probably missed out on great friendships in life because you used your pessimistic mindset to form incorrect opinions.

2. Don’t Be Quick to Judge Surface Situations

Things are usually not how they appear on the surface. This is especially true if you do not know the situation at hand. You are programmed to look at your own life to form assumptions.

Like the lady in the department store with a guy you didn’t know, don’t be so eager to jump to conclusions. Often, your findings are not factual.

3. Find out the Truth

Rather than assume things, you need to find out the truth, and stick with the facts. If you are going to judge a situation, then make sure you have the whole story. Remember, there are always two sides, and if you’re a third-party observer, then you are probably not even close to knowing what’s going on.

4. Give Up the Judgmental Attitude

According to The Lancet, judgmental attitude is a breeding ground for conflict. When you make assumptions and judge others, it creates tension. Think of all the potential opportunities that you have missed out on because you judged someone incorrectly. The article suggests one should work on honing judgment instead of being judgmental of others.

You could make connections and have friends that would treat you to new experiences if you would only stop assuming things and give people a fair chance.

5. Learn to Empathize

To be a good friend and relative, you must learn how to empathize with others. Consider their story and where they are in life before you assume anything. If a conflict should arise in life, the first step is to take a deep breath.

You need to talk to the person and make sure that you know the whole story before jumping to conclusions. Lastly, stop overreacting on what you think might have occurred. When you look at people through the eyes of empathy, then you can see things in a whole different light.

Final Thoughts: Stop Making Wrong Assumptions!

Each day you walk through life with notions of how things will go. Your theories have a dramatic impact on your perceptions, and these notions will often affect the world around you without you even being aware.

For instance, your boss wants you to attend a meeting to discuss something important. It’s the morning, and the meeting isn’t until the afternoon. Since your boss usually doesn’t call you into his office, you automatically assume the worst.

By lunchtime, you’ve already redone your resume, and you are sure that you’re going to be fired. Before you walk into your boss’s office, you’re having a nervous breakdown and are in defense mode.

You’ve let your preconceived ideas dictate the outcome, and you were doomed before you walked through the door. Your boss actually wanted to thank you for a project you worked on and offer you a bonus. However, your mind used previous experiences to assume what was going to happen.

In this scenario, you caused yourself a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering. It’s essential never to judge or jump to conclusions in life.

Trainers Reveal 10 Arm Exercises That Boost Your Self-Confidence

August 14, 2020 by Power of Positivity

Do you want arms that are rippling with muscles? Perhaps, you just want to tone fat and make your arms a little less flabby. When you want to burn fat and gain muscle mass, you need specific exercises that can tone and burn simultaneously. Primarily, a proper diet will help to achieve this goal.

Proper Nutrition to Enhance Your Muscles

Before you even think about workouts with arm exercises, you need to change your eating habits. Building muscle is hard work, and you need to make sure you give your body the proper nutrition to accomplish this task.

Additionally, you want to burn fat too, so it can be hard to know what you need to eat. Here are the best foods for helping you get those arms in top shape.

Salmon
Beef and other Lean Meats
Almonds
Quinoa
Milk
Apples
Flaxseeds
Spinach
Legumes
Bananas
Brown Rice
Sweet Potatoes
Chicken
Coconut Oil

Each of these items has the necessary things your body needs to feed your muscles. Salmon is high in Omega-3s and fatty acids, and sweet potatoes have the fiber to sustain you so that you don’t binge eat. Additionally, legumes are loaded with powerful nutrients and can also help you from eating too much food.

No one has gained weight eating a diet of nutritious beans. Find some things that you like that will enhance the results you get from your workouts.

Self-Confidence Boosting Arm Exercises

Are you ready to conquer that unsightly arm fat and turn your biceps into sculptured works of art? Start by investing in a good pair of dumbbells for your arm exercises as it will make the difference. Weights add resistance and will help you to reach your goal faster. If you’re ready to boost your self-confidence, here are ten of the best exercises to help you.

1. Push Ups

Pushups are the quintessential exercise for building both the biceps and triceps. Start by lying on your stomach down on the floor. Get your arms in the push-up position. You can do this exercise in one of two ways. First, you can use your knees for support.

You are in on all fours, and you push up and down with your palms, but your knees never leave their position. The second way to do this exercise is to lay prostrate on the floor with the tips of your toes touching the ground. Move up and down, pushing your body weight with your arms.

Your chest should almost touch the floor each time you come down, and your arms should be extended. Try doing about 15-20 reps of either variation.

2. Triceps Back Kick

These back kicks begin by bending your knees and leaning your body forward till you reach a 45-degree angle. Using a dumbbell, bend the elbows and bring the weight to your side. Now, extend one arm backward and then bring it forward.

Make sure that you lightly squeeze your muscle as you do these exercises. Do one on the left side and one on the right, which is one rep. You should do about 20 reps in total.

3. Hammer Curl

If you are looking for arm exercises that boost your self-confidence in a tank top, try the hammer curl. Start by standing up straight with a weight in each hand. Make sure that your hands are down to your side and your palms are facing inward.

Keep your arms at your side, and gradually bring each weight up until it almost touches the opposite pectoral muscle. Once you get it to the proper position, hold the weight in place for a few seconds.

Now, repeat the maneuver with the next arm. You want to do one curl on each side, which counts as one rep. Do about ten of these repetitions.

4. Zottman Curl

The Zottman curl is one of the fierce arm exercises that will give you biceps as hard as baseballs, and your forearms will be impressive too. This maneuver was named after George Zottman, who was a legendary strongarm born in 1867. While you may not break any records with this move, you might turn a few heads.

Start by standing up straight and weight each hand. Your hands should be at your side with the dumbbell in each one. Use an underhanded grip for this curl. Gradually curl the weights towards your shoulders, but you must rotate your hands from underhand to overhand grips.

Make sure you keep your elbows tucked and locked as you do these curls. Reps are between 10-15 curls.

5. Medicine Ball Push Up

Start by using a medicine ball and placing one in each hand. Keep your knees on the ground while your arms are fully extended. Now, bend your elbows as you slowly lower your torso to the floor. The goal is to get your arms to a 90-degree angle and then go back to the starting position.

You should do hold the curl for about 30 seconds without stopping, then do a 15-second interval before resting. Now, switch to the other side and do the same thing.

6. Dumbbell Press

Start by spreading your feet shoulder-width apart and keep your knees bent ever so slightly. Put your hands in front of your chest and hold one dumbbell or kettlebell with your hands. Now, move your hands out away from your chest and up until you’re raising your arms.

When your arms are above your head, hold the position for about two seconds. Now, slowly return the dumbbell to the original position. If you’re using a weight under ten pounds, then you should do approximately 15-20 reps. If your dumbbell is larger than 20 pounds, then you should do about ten reps.

7. Bicep Curl

If you need to sit while doing part of your workout, this is a perfect arm exercise. Start in the seated position. Take a comfortably sized dumbbell in each hand. Your arms should be hanging at your side naturally.

You must keep your back straight and hold good posture. Now, curl each arm up and bring the weight almost to your shoulders. Always keep your palm facing inwards for proper form and hold the curl for a few seconds before lowering the weight. Try ten repetitions.

8. Around the World

You’ve probably heard of around the world exercise in basketball, but it can be used in arm exercises too. Start by standing with your feet about a shoulder’s width apart. Keep your knees slightly bent and hold one dumbbell in front of you.

Just like in basketball, the goal is to move the weight around to different positions. There should be a total of three sub-movements. Start by moving the dumbbell to one side, then to the back, and the side of your head.

It’s essential to keep the weight in a vertical or horizontal position to increase tension and outcome. You should do ten reps on each side, which is a total of 20 altogether.

9. Dumbbell Rear Delt Fly

If you want to tone your arms, back, and provides some stabilization to your spine, then the rear delt fly is what you need. Start by standing nice and tall and keeping your legs slightly spread apart. Now, using two dumbbells, keep one in each hand placed at your side.

Be careful in selecting your weight size as you want to do 12 repetitions. Slowly move your torso forward and bend your legs a bit. Your arms should extend below your body, and your hands should face each other as they hold the weight. Now, you must keep your back flat with no arches.

Raise your arms out to the side and exhale all the air in your lungs. Squeeze your shoulder blades tight while doing this movement. Keep your head and back straight as you do this rep.

Now, inhale as you bring your arms back to the starting position as you’ve completed one rep. You should do 2-3 sets of 12 reps.

10. Triceps Extensions

This curl is easy, but it’s amazingly effective. Start by standing up straight with your feet slightly bent. Now, use an average-sized dumbbell, preferably between 10-20 lbs. Using both hands, grasp the dumbbell, and bring it over your head.

Make sure you keep your shoulders and elbows still, but you want to slowly bend your elbows, allowing the weight to be lowered and raised behind your head about 90 degrees. Your elbows must always be facing forward and never go out to the side. Lifting the weight up and down once is a rep. You should do about 20 reps.

Final Thoughts on Eating Right, Working Out, and Feeling Great

When you are eating healthy and doing those arm exercises, you will feel great. Who doesn’t need a little boost of confidence these days? If you put in the time and effort it takes to have sculpted arms, then you will reap the rewards.

Psychology Reveals How Positive Thinking Helps Smoking Cessation

August 13, 2020 by Power of Positivity

If you’re a smoker, there’s never been a better time to quit than now. Nobody said that it’s going to be easy because nicotine is a strong addiction. However, advances in smoking cessation support and nicotine replacement therapy can make it less difficult for you.

The Age of Innocence

You didn’t set out to be addicted to tobacco. Remember watching the films in grade school about the dangers of smoking and the countless studies linking it to lung disease? You probably donated some of your spare change to the Send a Mouse to College research program of the American Lung Association.

Those educational films were eye-opening, as they showed pictures of diseased lungs that were blackened and deformed from years of smoking. The profound pain and suffering from end-stage emphysema and lung cancer is widely known. You don’t want these diseases, but you probably didn’t even consider them when you were hiding in the school bathroom smoking with your friends.

Smoke & Mirrors

The world’s love affair with tobacco has been a dangerous association for thousands of years. When European explorers came to the shores of America, they found that tobacco had a place of reverence in sacred rites of the indigenous people. During colonization, after the fight for independence, and into modern times, tobacco remains a major crop in the United States.

In the early part of the 20th century, many states and local laws forbade women from smoking in public. With the advent of the females’ right to vote and women joining the workforce during World War II, public opinion waffled, and many women saw smoking cigarettes as a glowing emblem of freedom.

Even after laws were made to place a health warning from the American Surgeon General on each pack of cigarettes and cigars, big tobacco companies used sly advertising campaigns to lure young people into smoking. Television, magazines, and the golden screens were ablaze with attractive models and actors poised with a burning cigarette in hand.

Ads for dainty, perfumed cigarettes used women’s liberation themes to appeal to females. Rugged cowboys rode horseback with a favorite brand of a cigarette dangling from their lips to show how macho smoking was. Unfortunately, these subtle imageries worked, and they captivated entire generations of Americans.

The Mindset of Smoking Tobacco Addiction

As with any substance abuse, you were in control at first. You probably enjoyed that initial rush of energy with that first puff of smoke. Perhaps, you started smoking at an early age and felt a guilty pleasure from doing something naughty and dangerous. You may have told yourself that you could quit at any time, but soon found that the tobacco was in control of your life.

Your first step to breaking nicotine’s hold on your life is to admit that you have a problem that’s out of control. Nicotine is highly addictive, physically, mentally, and emotionally. For smoking cessation, you need a holistic approach that involves the body, mind, and spirit.

Many former smokers said that beating the psychological dependency was probably the most difficult part of their journey. When they opened their minds to self-compassion and positive thinking, it was easier to fight the cravings and stop smoking for good. Their victory started in their minds and revised thought patterns.

The Power of Positive Thinking

Can positive thinking benefit smoking cessation and help you avoid lung-related illnesses and other associated diseases? Your mind is a powerful tool that can help you beat addiction. If you’ve decided to lay down the cigarettes, here are some ways that positive thinking can help.

• It Changes Your Attitude

If you’ve been a smoker for years, maybe you think it’s too late for you. Many longtime smokers say that they’ve smoked this long, and they may as well continue, regardless of their failing health. Does that sound like a familiar excuse in your mind?

Since nicotine addiction started in your mind, so does your cessation. Reverse some of the images you had that inspired you to smoke in the first place. Instead of thinking that smoking makes you look cool, realize how admirable you look when you crush the habit. Rethink your whole attitude about how smoking has affected your lifestyle and health.

You are changing from a smoker to a non-smoker, and your emotions may be all over the place. You’ve identified with that lighter and cigarette for so long that it has become an extension of yourself. Part of making the break from smoking realizes that your addiction does not define you and that you have the power to change.

• It Can Help with Visualization & Affirmations

Ralph Waldo Emerson wisely concluded that you are what you think. If you believe that you can overcome the smoking habit, you can do it. First, you must visualize yourself passing by the cigarette stand in the store and only saving your lighters to light scented candles at home.

Visualize how different life will be when you’re no longer in the constant grip of smoking tobacco. Your hair and clothes won’t stink like stale smoke anymore, and you’ll lose those unsightly nicotine stains on your nails and teeth. Visualize all the money you’ll save when you stop buying tobacco products, and you should think of all the things you can do with that extra money.

Affirm to yourself each day that you are a beautiful, loving person who deserves to be loved. Tell yourself that you are taking charge of your life and removing the hold that smoking has over you. Remind yourself that you will be kind, loving, and patient during the cessation process.

As you look in the mirror, smile and say that you are the image of health and refuse to let cigarettes threaten you with lung disease or other disorders. Declare yourself a winner and a survivor, even when you have a few failures along the way. Make positive affirmation signs and post them in conspicuous places in your home and office.

• It Can Help Your Chart Your Progress

Many people find that journaling is an ideal way of recording their thoughts, dreams, and aspirations while recovering from addictions like smoking. The great thing about journaling is that it’s your project and you decide how you want to do it and what’s right for you.

It can be as simple as a computer-based log, an inexpensive school notebook, or an elaborate handmade journal. You should write whenever you feel like it or when you get the urge for a puff. Maybe you could write about your first experiences with smoking and how it deluded your thinking.

Perhaps you can use a few pages to devote to your affirmations to change your attitude about smoking. Another section may be reserved to remind yourself of the negative outcomes of smoking, such as smelly clothes, premature aging, money loss, emphysema, and lung cancer. At the bottom of each page, reassure yourself that you are making the positive changes necessary to avoid these troublesome side effects.

In another section of your positive thinking journal, imagine what your life will be without smoking. You’ll have no more days of standing outside in the cold and rain to get a cigarette break. Your appearance and health will improve, and you will get past the fear of possible lung cancer and premature death.

• It Can Help You To Replace Bad Habits with Good Ones

It’s human nature to want to barter rather than to give up something. If you’ve been a smoker for years, many of your daily habits and pleasures in life probably revolved around cigarettes. There’s the after-dinner smoke and cocktail, the weekly Friday night poker game with a splendid cigar, or a relaxing smoke in your favorite lounge chair while watching a movie.

Just the thought of nixing smoking from the equation may fill you with anxiety. On a positive note, you needn’t give up the things you enjoy just because you stopped smoking. There’s nothing you must stop doing because it requires a cigarette, cigar, or pipe. Trade out the bad habit for a positive, healthy one.

Keep a stock of sugarless gum and mints close by for when you get a cigarette craving. Smoking won’t give you any more luck in your beloved card games than chewing gum can. In the beginning stages of smoking cessation, you may find it comforting to fiddle with a pencil or pen in your hand to ward off psychological cravings.

Did you know that your body starts to heal almost immediately after you stop smoking? You’ll probably be amazed that you can walk greater distances and do more things without losing your breath or having coughing fits. To keep your mind off smoking, consider taking walks, and marvel at the beauty of the world around you that’s not blurred by cigarette smoke.

Final Thoughts on Staying in a Positive Mindset During Smoking Cessation

Breaking any addiction, like smoking, requires a good support system, especially from your primary healthcare provider. Talk to your provider about a smoking cessation plan that is tailored to your needs. It may include nicotine replacement therapy such as patches or gum, as well as counseling.

Positive thinking can be your guide to lay cigarettes down for good. Improving your health and avoiding lung diseases is worth it. Leave the hazy smoke behind you and step into the fresh air of a new lifestyle.

Weekly tips, affirmations, and small actions to feel your best.

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!