It’s easy to become resentful when you’ve been hurt badly. Perhaps someone said something offensive that hurt your feelings, or there was an action that caused you great mental pain.
When you get so upset that you feel anger and bitterness inside, it can cause a toxic condition that allows resentment to creep in.
What is resentment exactly, and how is it different than anger? When you resent someone, you dwell on a situation that was very pain full to you. You can’t let what happened to go, so you develop rage towards them. The biggest issue is that this one event can cause you to mistrust people in the future, and you may lack compassion towards others because of one mistake.
You must overcome these feelings and forgive the other person; even if you don’t do it for them, you must do it yourself. Allowing this toxic negativity to dwell in your heart will only cause you further complications down the road.
Overcoming Resentful Feelings
When you’ve been done wrong, it’s normal to be upset and angry. However, it would help if you let it go no matter how bad the offense. Now, you should know that letting it go doesn’t mean you have to be best friends with the person.
It just means that you choose to forgive so that it doesn’t cause you emotional issues. What if your best friend had an affair with your spouse? You must come to terms with the situation and forgive this individual, but it doesn’t mean that you must go on as friends. Sometimes, there’s a line drawn as some offenses cause unrepairable damage.
If you’re ready to move past the feelings of antipathy, here are some tips to help you work on the issues.
1. Write It Down
Perhaps, you have a list of people who’ve done you wrong and hurt you. Get a journal and write down what happened, when it occurred, and why it hurts you so badly. Getting your feelings out on paper will show you precisely what you need to work on, and you can think of this as your road map to get started in the healing process.
2. Find the Root Cause
There may be a few issues that are causing you pain in your life. So, you should pick the one that causes the most resentful feelings to work on first. Now, you must identify why this situation is hurting you so badly.
If you lost a job and it was due to someone else’s blunder, then you’re mad at them because they caused you to be fired. Find out the reason why the offense hurts you so bad. In this instance, it’s easy to see you’re upset because your income and livelihood was affected at the hands of someone else.
3. Identify If You Played Any Role
Did you have any role in this person’s actions? For instance, if your spouse had an affair, was it because you were ignoring their needs after they had told you several times about a problem. Now, there is never an excuse for infidelity, but if you were not in a good place with your partner, then you need to own any role that you might have had.
4. Are You Mad at The Person or The Situation?
Sometimes people get mad at a situation more so than the person involved, and the individual becomes the fall guy. This could be the occurrence if you were passed up for a job, and management gave it to another person in your office. You’re not mad at that individual, but you’re envious and jealous that they choose them over you.
In this instance, it’s not a problem with the individual but rather a problem within yourself. You can channel your feelings onto this person when it has nothing to do with anything they’ve directly done to you.
5. Allow Yourself to Have Feelings
Resentment and bitterness are powerful feelings, and if you try to push those feelings away, it may cause more harm than you think. It’s okay to be upset, and you can work on it when you identify the problem.
Developing hatred or grudges is never good for you and can cause you to form anti-social behaviors to avoid being hurt in the future. Give yourself a moment to have a pity party but know that you must quickly move on from it.
6. Talk to A Counselor or Therapist
Mental health professionals deal with resentful people all day long. You’re not going to tell them something that they haven’t heard before, nor will you shock them in any way. They can help you see both sides of the situation, see what input you had in the matter, and help you find a resolution.
Before you confront the person, you should talk with a trusted adviser about the matter and get a third-party opinion.
7. Confront the Individual
Now comes the most significant part in your step towards healing your resentful feelings. You must confront the person. This is so important because you release the feelings of negativity that you have and allow positive ones to enter.
In many situations, the chances are that the individual didn’t even realize that you were offended with them, which may be the case with a job issue. By confronting this individual, you’re being the bigger person and apologizing for any part you had in the matter.
Why is saying you’re sorry so difficult? Human beings have a hard time admitting when they’re wrong, but you must do this to heal these resentful feelings.
Now that you’ve gotten everything out into the open and talked to the person, it’s time to move past this event. If you continue to ruminate over the situation, then it’s only going to keep opening a wound that’s already started to heal. If you need help in this area, then you must learn to manage your thoughts.
• Stop Looking in The Past
Every time some negative idea or feeling creeps in, you need to remind yourself that you’ve already moved past it. If you entertain the idea for even a short time, you are reopening the door to allow all sorts of re-manifested issues. You have a bright future ahead of you, but you need to stop looking in the past.
• Change Your Thought Processes
If you still find yourself hung-up on this situation or person, then you need to make a bold move to retrain how you think. Sit down with your journal and write a list of all the redeeming qualities that this person has to offer. Be honest with yourself and write nice things about this individual.
Did you know that even the most unscrupulous and evil person around still has at least one good quality? While that quality might not be easy to see from your aspect, others can quickly identify their good characteristics.
Forgiveness is a journey, and it’s not something that you can do overnight. When you’re ready, you must forgive this person. Truly forgiving them means that you’re not ruminating about the event anymore, and you’re going to change your mindset against them. Don’t be mad if it takes you six months or a year to get to this point, but you must realize that it’s something that must be done for your sanity.
When you forgive this person, then you must also forgive yourself. If you had any part in the situation or made things worse, then you must let go of any ill feelings you hold against yourself. Remember, you’re always your own worst critic.
•Gain Spiritual Understanding
When dealing with a harrowing circumstance with resentful feelings, it’s good to gain spiritual understanding. Looking to a higher power for help and understanding is always wise. Did the situation happen to you to help someone else along their journey, or was there a lesson you needed to learn from all of this?
It’s not only emotionally damaging but also spiritually devastating to harbor bitterness and unforgiveness in your heart. These feelings can keep you from fulfilling your commitments and assignments while here on earth. Though you may feel like throwing the towel in, it’s time to let it go for the sake of your mind-body-spirit.
Wouldn’t it be nice if you never got hurt or had to deal with resentful situations in life? Sadly, there will always be life-changing events that will make or break who you are as a person. Learning to forgive is essential to your life journey, making you a better person.
Remember, there will be a day when you need forgiveness from someone for something that you’ve done wrong. If you want others to forgive the blunders you’ve made, then you must extend the same forgiveness to them. Karma ensures that what judgment you hand out always comes back to you, and you want to make sure what comes back on you is nothing but good and kind.