In this life, it’s very possible that we will have encounters with multiple people in which they hurt our feelings deeply and show little to no remorse. One of the hardest things to do is to learn how to forgive someone despite the pain they have caused you. However, once you figure out what works for you, you will undoubtedly experience less longterm pain created by others.
We can’t control their actions, but with some practice, we can control how we react to them. We’ve put together a list of things for you to consider and try if you’re struggling with how to forgive someone who isn’t sorry.
Here’s how to forgive someone who isn’t sorry:
Turn Your Focus Inward
Forgiving is often associated with absolving the person who hurt you from their wrongdoing, but, if you change focus from them to yourself, you’re able to work on the things you can control. Ask yourself, what do I need to feel better right now? Practice giving yourself whatever it is that you need. By focusing on what you need in the present moment, you remove yourself from the past experience and take action towards making yourself feel happy. Making yourself a priority is one of the most powerful ways to heal yourself.
“In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.” -Deepak Chopra
Take Responsibility for Your Feelings
The words and actions of others can absolutely hurt us, but when we’re learning how to forgive someone we have to learn how to take responsibility for our own feelings. Though it may be challenging at first, we can only blame others for how we feel for so long. You must realize that when you’re holding onto grudges it only hurts yourself.
“By changing the way you choose to perceive the power that others have over you… you’ll see a bright new world of unlimited potential for yourself… you’ll know instantly how to forgive and let go of anything.” -Dr. Wayne W Dyer
Recognize the Part You Played
This is one of the hardest parts of forgiveness but a necessary component in our personal growth. Our ego wants us to feel hurt without having to take any responsibility for the part we played in whatever happened but the truth is that not everything is one-sided. Though the person who hurt you may have a cold personality, ask yourself if there was anything you may have done to provoke them and answer yourself honestly. In acknowledging your part, you will be able to let go of the negative feelings you are holding for someone more quickly because it forces you to realize that no one is perfect and arguments are typically a two-way street.
“It can be hard to forgive and let go but it’s important to remember that harboring the resentment and holding a grudge can hurt you even more. The word ‘forgive’ really means to give something up for yourself, not for them.” -Jack Canfield
If you haven’t figured out how to forgive someone for what they’ve done, you’re more than likely living the experience over and over in your head. You have to recognize that this does nothing for you- what happened has happened and there is nothing you can do to change it. The longer you keep holding on to those moments, the longer it is going to take you to forgive someone for what they did. Instead of replaying those moments, get back to the present where things really need your attention.
“When a deep injury is done to us, we never heal until we forgive.” -Nelson Mandela
Talk to Someone You Trust
If there is someone in your life that you can go to that will always give you their honest opinion, go to them. Getting someone else’s point of view can be very helpful as they can shine a light on the things we may not be willing to look at. Others can give us tips on how to forgive someone and provide us with personal stories we can relate to and use as inspiration to move on from an attitude that isn’t serving us.
“Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.” -Martin Luther King
Learning how to forgive someone can take a lot of time and patience. Be gentle with yourself, work on letting what happened to you in the past go, even if it’s only a little bit at a time. With practice, you will find that the actions of other people have less and less control over you, and this will set you free.
“Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong.” -Mahatma Ghandi