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20 “I Statements” to Boost Your Mood on a Bad Day

February 16, 2021 by Sarah Barkley

When you have a bad day, it might seem like nothing can improve your mood. Finding a way to turn your day around is essential, or it will only get worse. Luckily, you can change the course of your bad day and mood by using positive “I statements”.

“I statements” are positive affirmations that begin with the word “I”. As you say them out loud, the statements trigger your brain’s reward centers to promote positivity and boost your mood. If you use these statements when you are in a bad mood, they can change your thoughts, increase positivity, and improve your day.

Your words are powerful, and when you say positive things to yourself, it helps promote positivity within. Likewise, negative phrases can promote negativity and attract negative energy. Make sure you help yourself out by sticking to positive thoughts and saying positive things to yourself.

There will be times you struggle with this, so keep these positive “I statements” nearby. You can use them anytime you feel like you are in a bad mood or having a bad day. The best part is that they are easy to remember.

Twenty “I Statements” to Boost Your Mood on a Bad Day

Say these phrases to uplift your mood when you are feeling blue.

1. I am a happy and positive person.

Tell yourself that you are a happy and positive person, and you will begin to be one. Being happy and positive will make you feel better, and it will improve the mood of those around you. With all of the happiness and positivity going around, your day is sure to improve.

2. I will become a better version of myself because I went through this.

Having a bad day is frustrating, upsetting, and worrisome, but you will get through it. As you go through it, you will grow, learn, and become stronger. Then, once you get through the bad day, you will have become a better version of yourself because of it.

It can be hard to remind yourself that you are becoming better when you are upset, though. Write this positive affirmation down so that you can keep it with you. Then, you will always have a reminder to repeat this affirmation when you’re having a bad day.

3. I am important and am making a difference.

Knowing that you are important can boost your mood on even the worst days. It makes you feel fulfilled, and you will know that your time is well-spent and making a difference. When you feel like things aren’t going well or like you aren’t doing enough, repeat this affirmation.

4. I do not need to be perfect, I only need to make progress.

You don’t have to do everything right. Remind yourself that it is okay to make mistakes or be behind others. As long as you are making progress, you are doing just fine.

5. I am safe and at ease.

Knowing that you are safe can offer much relief on a bad day. Remind yourself of your safety often when you feel anxious or upset, and you will feel better. With safety comes ease, and as you tell yourself you are safe and at ease, you will truly feel it.

6. I will stick with positive thoughts no matter what.

It can be easy to let negative thoughts take over when you’re having a bad day. Your thoughts become your reality, though, so try to avoid negative thinking. Focus on positive thoughts and check them often to keep them in line.

7. I love myself just the way I am right now.

If you love yourself the exact way you are now, you will feel empowered. This will help you overcome your bad mood while you work toward your goals and your happiness.

8. I will take care of myself.

Physically and mentally taking care of yourself can drastically improve your mood. On a bad day, you may not want to do anything productive, but you must fight through that feeling. Repeat this affirmation so that you can take care of yourself and boost your mood.

9. I am worthy and good enough.

Always remind yourself that you are good enough no matter what you are going through. Don’t let your bad mood affect your sense of self-worth. Repeat this affirmation throughout the day until your bad mood improves.

Beating yourself over things or being negative toward yourself will only make your bad day worse. Give yourself the advantage of knowing your worth to help you get through and improve your mood.

10. I will make this bad day better.

With this mindset, you can boost your bad mood and make the whole day better. Repeat this positive affirmation until you believe it, and then go about your day. You will notice the difference as your mood improves.

11. I have a wonderful life with things to be grateful for.

No matter what is going on in your life, you have plenty of things to be grateful for. If you need something to boost your mood, then remind yourself of those wonderful blessings. As you think of them, you will surely notice an improvement.

If it helps, you could even write down a couple of things you are grateful for each day or when things get hard. Writing them down will help them stick in your mind as you go through your day.

12. I trust that I am on the right track.

Even as you miss things from your past, you must trust that you are heading in the right direction. Stay in the moment and know that you are where you belong right now. This will boost your mood and give you more confidence as you continue.

13. I trust that I make the right decisions.

As explained before, you should trust the path you are on, and you should also trust the decisions you make. If you decide what you think is best, you can trust that you made the right choice. This can help cheer you up when things don’t seem to be going well, so repeat it as often as needed.

14. I will not compare myself to other people.

Comparing yourself to others is sure to ruin your mood. Always avoid comparisons like this, but especially when you are having a bad day. Instead, avoid any comparisons, and you will notice that your move improves.

15. I am going with the flow and accepting things as they come.

Accepting things as they are can drastically improve your mood. Go along with what is happening if you can’t change it instead of letting it ruin your day. As long as it isn’t hurting anyone, keep moving forward and accept what is happening instead of wallowing.

16. I will listen to myself.

Listening to yourself is essential if you want to boost your mood on a bad day. You know what you want or need, but you have to be willing to listen to your mind and your body. If you listen to yourself, you can improve your mood and turn the day around.

17. I forgive myself.

Everyone has things from their past that they regret, but you must forgive yourself. If negative thoughts about your past are the cause of your bad day, repeat this affirmation until you feel better. Your past doesn’t define you, so you can’t let it affect your mood.

18. I know that this will pass, and things will get better.

Bad situations and bad days always pass, so remember that as you go through a bad day. With this knowledge, you can boost your mood because you are hopeful for the future.

19. I choose to put myself first and do what I need to do.

If you choose yourself, your entire day can improve. You can’t spend all of your time and energy worrying about others or taking care of them. Do what you need to do and put yourself first when necessary, and you will be in a better mood.

20. I will not spend my time or energy worrying.

Worrying about things or becoming anxious won’t help. It may even make things worse. Repeat this affirmation if you notice that you are spending too much time worrying.

If you can stop worrying, your mood will improve and your day will get better. It will help you think more clearly as you work through problems, too, making the situation pass more quickly.

Final Thoughts on “I Statements” to Boost Your Mood on a Bad Day

Everyone has bad days sometimes, but you have to get through them positively. Boost your mood as much as possible by using these positive statements. They will remind you of all the good in your life and that all bad times will pass.

Plus, they remind you of the things you must do for yourself to boost your mood. By saying these positive affirmations to yourself, you will notice an improvement.

These positive affirmations can help you stop worrying, stressing, or feeling frustrated. They can help you refocus and think clearly, helping you get through the problem. When you notice that you are struggling, recall these positive statements to help boost your mood.

4 Habits Liars Have That Reveal Their True Personality

February 15, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever felt that someone is lying but hadn’t had a quick way to prove it? It can be uncomfortable to try to spot liars. And directly accusing someone of lying, especially without evidence. If you’re right, you cannot back it up, and it’s your word against theirs. And if you’re wrong, that’s just awful and unfair on the person in question!

Worse still, even when you know someone is lying, certain people can be very good at deception. This makes it easy for them to cover their tracks and say the right thing, removing suspicion from themselves and leaving you feeling conflicted or caught in a corner.

If you’ve been in a situation like this, worry not! Get your positive thinking going, and you’ll see plenty of non-confrontational ways to check someone’s truthfulness. Here’s how experts reveal 4 questions you can ask to spot liars, or, more specifically, four types of questions useful in lie detection.

1. Ask Questions Focused On Them

Liars often do their best to separate themselves from what they say to add distance between themselves and the stories they tell. This allows them to slightly avert accountability, pushing that onto the people around them. Renowned social psychologist James W. Pennebaker has found that many liars do this by referring to themselves in the third person.

For example:

“It wasn’t finished,” instead of “I didn’t finish it.”
“You don’t give people things just like that,” instead of “I didn’t want to give them that.”
“The plate was dropped,” instead of “I dropped the plate.”

But that’s not all you can to spot liars.

Liars, especially when part of a group, team, or community, will often use “us,” “we,” “our,” and other similar terms to avoid accountability for their actions. It doesn’t just lump their behavior in with many others, but it also makes them sound like they’re reasonable. For example:

“We found this acceptable,” instead of “I found this acceptable.”
“No one really saw an issue there,” instead of “I didn’t see an issue there.”
“We made a mistake, and we’re working on it,” instead of “I made a mistake, and my team is now working on it.”
“Our team really dropped the ball on that,” instead of “I really dropped the ball on that.”
“All of us agreed that this would be best,” instead of, “I thought it would be best, and I made everyone else think so too.”

Finally, liars may switch pronouns to avoid responsibility. Instead of referring to something as theirs, they may use generic pronouns to detach themselves. For example:

“I was driving the car,” instead of “I was driving my car.”
“The decision was…”, instead of “I decided to…” or “My decision was…”
“That action was unavoidable,” instead of “I felt that my actions were unavoidable.”

So, how do you avoid this?

What you have to do is directly confront them personally. When they try to hedge, ask follow-up questions that put the onus on them. For example:

When they say “It wasn’t finished,” instead of “I didn’t finish it,” ask, “Who didn’t finish it? Was it you?”
When they say, “Our team really dropped the ball on that,” instead of “I really dropped the ball on that,” ask, “Who was directly responsible? What part did you play in it?”
If they say “I was driving the car,” instead of “I was driving my car,” they, ask “And this car belongs to you?”
When they say, “No one really saw an issue there,” instead of “I didn’t see an issue there,” ask, “What did you personally think?”
If they say, “We found this acceptable,” instead of “I found this acceptable,” ask, “So you found this acceptable?”

2. Ask Things You Know The Answer To

You may not know everything about a situation, but you’re likely aware of one or two objective facts about it. When you question someone you think is lying, ask about what you know and what you don’t know. If they mess up and lie, don’t reveal it right away. Wait for them to continue building their falsified story on this lie. That way, you’ll have a good idea of what is truthful and what isn’t.

Consultant Forensic Psychologist, Chartered Psychologist, and Chartered Scientist Coral Dando, Ph.D., goes a step further. In her decade serving the London police force, her expertise and observation have led her to use these kinds of questions to understand a person’s behavior better when they lie. If you’re incredibly observant, you may be able to pick up on specific tells that someone performs when they lie, as you’ll know when they’re contradicting the facts you already know.

An essential aspect of this is knowing when and how to withhold information from a liar so you can use it to check their honesty. Research has indicated that furnishing people with too many details too early can give them sufficient time to plan their elaborate lies, making it difficult for someone to be positive if they’re lying or not.

Strategic approaches will likely be taken by liars who know too much too quickly. However, having to make up things on the spot, liars quickly, will always lead to discernable mistakes.

Revealed–the behaviors of a compulsive liar.

3. Ask Something Unexpected

Lying is a delicate business, and liars have to make sure they’re on top of their deception. It’s not uncommon for those who often lie to try their best to avoid cliches, especially if they’re one of many people being questioned. Phrases like “I’m not sure” and “I don’t remember” will quickly single them out. So they tend to try and build narratives that let them seem reasonable, sometimes with as many details as they deem relevant as possible.

According to a trained federal agent and deception detection expert, J. J. Newberry, approximately 4% of all people are excellent and accomplished liars, often to the point that they give off no clear signs of lying. That means there’s only one way to call them out: to catch them in their lies.

With all this information, we reach a simple conclusion. Good liars know to prepare in advance, but the problem with well-rehearsed stories is that they lack real-life details. Asking them for something unexpected can throw them off, and research has found that this is a quick way to leave liars floundering.

Lies can often be tangled, so asking them something unexpected can get a liar stuck in their own web. Here are some examples of good unexpected questions:

Lie: “I wasn’t free because of a work dinner.” Unexpected questions: “Who was sitting on your right?” “What did you eat?”, “What kind of wine did they serve?”
Lie: “I was actually with my friend at the time.” Unexpected questions: “What color was their shirt?”, “What was the weather at their place like?”, “How was their wife?”
Lie: “I have plenty of experience in this field, as my last job involved this work.” Unexpected questions: “Where did you work last?” “What was your biggest failure as you learned?” “What kind of computer was at your old office?”

4. Ask For A Story

Asking someone questions one by one has its uses. But asking for a story of the events they can tell is a useful way to sniff out a liar. Even those with the most positive demeanors and deceptive tricks tend to reveal certain tells when they have to tell a whole story, and studies have found that particular ones are almost always going to be found in a liar’s tale.

University of Massachusetts’ Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences and American Board of Professional Psychology-certified author in this field, Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., outlines the following ways someone may reveal that they are lying in a story:

· Talking Very Slowly

Someone who has to make up their lies on the spot will likely try to buy time by slowing down their speech. This is because lying is a mentally taxing exercise – you need to put effort into being consistent, sounding realistic, and self-editing if necessary.

· Being Too Vague

People lying will often be highly brief or vague when telling stories. That’s because they don’t want to accidentally implicate themselves with unnecessary details. If they spend time on unnecessary details, it will usually be because they’re trying to distract you by over-describing something they know.

· Mentioning Bad Memory

Anyone can have a bad memory, but liars will often talk a little too much about their memory-related troubles to downplay their inaccuracies. Though not definitive, it’s a good idea to make sure you don’t allow a liar to excuse every single weird contradiction with “bad memory.”

· Being Extremely Positive

This one is a little strange but think about using this tactic to spot liars. Most innocent people aren’t fond of being questioned, especially if they retain feelings of guilt over being unable to prevent what happened or are struggling with the emotional backlash of the event. Liars will often do their very best to put on positive thinking, allowing them to appear completely calm and reasonable. They may downplay any negative feelings they have. And they make no complaints about being questioned at all (though some liars also go the opposite route, which can make this tell hard to judge).

· Making Spontaneous Corrections

Liars often need to backtrack, leading to the need for quickly making sudden corrections that they try to brush off. For example, someone might say, “It happened at 12, no wait, maybe it was at 2”. A few of these in an account aren’t inherently signs of lying, but multiple spontaneous corrections should raise some eyebrows.

However, it is a good idea to use knowledge about someone before jumping on any of these “tells.”

Neurodivergent individuals may have many different “tells” that suggest lying, even when they’re truthful. So if you’re dealing with someone with a mental or learning disability, make sure you take that into account!

Final Thoughts Asking the Right Questions So That You Can Spot Liars

Asking the right questions is often all you need to spot liars quickly. Be calm, direct, and casual, staying away from obvious aggression or accusations, and you’ll soon notice inconsistencies that blow someone’s lies wide open.

9 Ways Crying Helps You Relieve Stress And Start Healing

February 15, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

When was the last time you cried? What was it about? Can you remember how you felt after letting all those tears flow?

Some people are ashamed of crying and view it as a symbol of weakness. That’s a very unhealthy way to look at things, and it goes against the human body’s natural functions. Here are 9 ways crying helps you relieve stress and start healing.

1. It Helps Restore Balance

Have you ever noticed that you cry in different circumstances in different ways? Think about it! How do you cry when you’re:

Sad
Frightened
Stressed out
Happy
Relieved
In pain

It’s common to think mainly of sadness when you think about crying, but crying happens for countless reasons. However, the main thing linking them is that most tears are brought on by extreme emotion.

Why does this happen? Research suggests that this is due to the body and mind’s need to restore positive equilibrium to the emotions. In other words, these extreme forms of emotion need to be balanced out, and crying helps to release that pent-up stress and bring the brain back to a more reasonable, “average” emotional state.

So if you’re stressed out or in emotional turmoil, crying can help to relieve some of that by bringing you to a state of balanced emotion. This allows you to begin the healing process, recovering from your feelings’ extremities healthily and naturally.

2. It Helps You Soothe Yourself

Self-soothing behavior refers to the natural ways that you may try to help yourself feel calmer or better in general. Most people learn to self-soothe in childhood. Not all forms of self-soothing behavior are healthy, however. Still, to provide you with examples, here are some common ways that people self-soothe, even if some are not the best options:

Biting fingernails
Twirling hair
Rocking back and forth
Taking a warm bath
Listening to relaxing music
Chewing gum
Drinking alcohol or smoking cigarettes

Self-soothing behaviors have to be healthy and positive to be effective, of course, and crying is one way to do that! This is because when you cry, you activate your brain’s parasympathetic nervous system, which aids in the body’s recovery and rests. It’s not instant, but after several minutes of crying, you’ll begin to feel the self-soothing effects.

3. It Gathers Support

Some people feel ashamed of crying because they feel like it draws attention to them. But that’s counterproductive thinking! When you need to heal, you need other people to be able to empathize with you. Social support is a significant factor in recovery, and it can help reduce the severity of negative emotions and stress.

Crying is an attachment behavior, and studies show that crying can actually encourage people to rally around you and provide you with the support you need. People who care about you and matter in your life will be able to easily recognize that your tears indicate something serious – provided you don’t cry all the time, of course!

This is especially useful when it’s too difficult for you to articulate what you’re feeling. Crying provides clear and direct communication: you’re in trouble, and you need help and support. There’s a reason that from infancy, we learn to cry to convey information – it works well into adulthood, as long as it’s not done in excess.

Better yet, crying can help to strengthen certain bonds that you share with others. It shows that you trust those you’re crying around, and they can show that they care about you by being supportive. Many relationships (platonic or otherwise) can feel a closer connection after this show of vulnerability.

4. It Facilitates Faster Moving On

If what you’re coping with is a loss or tragedy of some kind, there are many possible ways to react. You may:

Become angry
Blame others
Feel resentful
Feel guilty
Repress the emotion
Become sad

Of all these options, becoming sad is the fastest way to help you get over something difficult. This doesn’t mean that you’ll magically feel better, but being sad and crying allows you to grieve naturally.

Other methods of handling these kinds of situations typically make things worse. It’s completely okay to have an initial reaction to things that don’t involve crying, but a day or so later, anger, guilt, and resentment are nothing but counterproductive. They’re self-destructive and can trap you in cycles of negative emotion that are tough to handle.

When you cry, it’s a sort of acceptance. This happened, and it’s terrible, but you’re living in that moment and experiencing it. On the other hand, resentment, repression, guilt, and other similar behaviors trap you in the past, keeping you stuck in this tragedy for a long time.

At the end of the day, grieving is a highly personal process and journey. All that is known is that crying can have a positive effect on recovery and healing from that process. However, you should expect grief to affect you in its own unique way.

5. It Improves Mood

When you cry, you’re likely to feel a little better afterward. It won’t be a dramatic change, but you’ll find yourself with a little more positive thinking after you cry. However, there are some caveats to this and some things to keep in mind:

It is not unlikely that individuals misremember the large variation between their emotional state before and after crying; in other words, it helps, but not as much as most people think.
The way others react to your crying is more important than the crying itself; multiple negative reactions are likely to make you feel worse afterward, but being shamed or made fun of will always result in your feeling worse.
Crying too much or in excess may no longer provide any positive benefits to you.
It can take as long as two hours before you even begin to feel better after crying, so it’s not immediate relief.

But with all those disclaimers, why is this factor of feeling better still important? Well, when you want to begin to heal, your brain needs to register it as a possible and doable goal. Feeling slightly better after crying is like taking a tentative but solid and reliable first step into recovery!

6. It Prevents Spirals Into Depression

Continual repression of emotion can lead to worsened intensity of that feeling. Studies indicate that bottling feelings up can be unhealthy, but expressing those emotions can lead to significant improvements in overall mood.

When you cry, you’re admitting that you’re sad. You’re openly expressing negative emotions, even though it may be difficult to do. This prevents the emotion from becoming overwhelming, stopping the chance of you spiraling into the development of a mood disorder such as depression.

7. It Helps You Sleep

Have you ever noticed that you sleep extremely deeply after a good cry? There might be a good reason for that, though the main study found this result was conducted on infants, so take it with a grain of salt.

Supposedly, crying is a tiring activity, and it can be emotionally exhausting. Naturally, the body then craves sleep to recover. This allows you to fall asleep easily, and the nap can help you feel refreshed and recharged after you’ve been through something difficult.

It is also commonly known that getting enough sleep can aid mental health, too, so crying to sleep can indirectly facilitate emotional healing. Sleep can:

· Reduce Stress

A lack of sleep contributes to irritability, unstable mood, and other similar problems. Of course, this all leads to heightened stress. If you need to be calmer, you’ll want to get more sleep, and crying can help with that relief.

· Reduce Anxiety

Sleep deprivation is a common contributor to anxiety, and it starts an unhealthy cycle because anxiety, in turn, makes it harder to sleep! Studies show that individuals with anxiety are more likely to experience sleep issues and vice versa. Basically, the sleepier you are, the tougher it is for you to cope with anxious thoughts and emotions, which can hamper your healing process.

· Reduce Depression Symptoms

Most research indicates that a lack of sleep can lead to a significantly decreased level of positive thinking. More importantly, some research suggests that your risks of developing depression double if you don’t get enough sleep.

8. It Reduces Blood Pressure

People often joke about their blood pressure rising when they’re stressed out, and like many jokes, it has its roots in reality. Being very stressed out can lead to an increase in overall blood pressure, and that can cause other problems for you that may distract you from the healing process.

Luckily, studies have suggested that your blood pressure can go down after a good cry. Your pulse will get steadier, your vitals will balance out, and you’ll feel the physical effects of your emotions slowly fade away.

9. It Reduces Pain

Crying, especially over a prolonged period, reduces a couple of neurotransmitters (or hormones). Two of them are endorphins and oxytocin, which are positive, feel-good hormones that boost mood and reduce the severity of pain on an emotional and physical level.

If you’ve ever felt numb while crying, this is because of these hormones working their magic. They’re helping to reduce the worst of the pain you feel, allowing you to better process your emotions. It’s a great way to begin working on healing right off the bat.

Final Thoughts On Some Ways Crying Helps Relieve Stress And Start Healing

Allowing yourself to cry can help stress-relief and overall healing, so don’t be afraid to bring out the tissues and sob. There’s no shame in needing emotional release, especially in difficult times.

Of course, there’s a limit to healthy tears and what they can do. If crying begins to interfere with your everyday life or reaches the point where you can’t do daily tasks, you should speak to a doctor or mental health professional.

You should also see professionals if your crying isn’t helping you and you feel worse or don’t seem to have any mood improvements over a prolonged period of time. Remember, you are not alone, and some people care about you and want to help you!

Google Develops AI to Help End Food Waste and Feed the Hungry

February 15, 2021 by Kristen Lawrence

A Google subsidiary called X, or The Moonshot Factory, aims to end food waste around the world with AI. The offshoot created two programs to help food producers, suppliers, and commercial kitchens direct extra food to food banks. Having excess food may seem like a good thing, but it doesn’t usually go to people who need it most. Because of the massive food distribution problem plaguing the globe, Google wanted to find viable solutions.

So, they created Project Delta, a machine learning program that uses vast data and algorithms to detect wasted food. The calculations guarantee that the extra food will go to those who really need it in an efficient manner. The AI accomplishes a seemingly impossible task, eliminating the need for manpower in the process.

A report by the Food and Agricultural Organization of the UN found that food waste totals 1.3 billion tonnes globally each year. That equates to around one-third of the global food supply spoiling or getting thrown out. At the same time, almost 1 billion people around the globe suffer from malnourishment and food insecurity. In the U.S. alone, 30 to 40 percent of food produced gets wasted, which costs retailers a whopping $57 billion annually. Meanwhile, around 1 in 8 people in America suffer from undernourishment.

The food waste problem doesn’t just affect consumers and businesses, either. The environment takes a huge blow as well due to wasted resources like water, fuel, electricity, and fertilizer. Plus, many hours of human labor go into the production and processing of food, only for much of it to spoil. Furthermore, the methane produced from rotting food in landfills contributes greatly to greenhouse gas emissions.

Clearly, we have more than enough food to go around, but it doesn’t get distributed properly.

Why food waste happens, and how Google is tackling it

The problems mostly occur somewhere in the supply chain. Buyers estimate how much food they will need, and the suppliers attempt to sell as much as possible. The food producers grow or manufacture as much food as they can to make a profit. The buyers, usually supermarkets and restaurants, then purchase a certain amount according to their inventory.

Inevitably, disparities occur between the demand and supply of a product. When it comes to food, markets, and the final consumer may overestimate how much they really need. However, owners of busy restaurants and markets don’t usually have the time or resources to allocate to managing food waste. This is where Google’s AI comes in to solve the food distribution crisis affecting millions.

Google’s offshoot called X aims to provide innovative solutions to complex problems the planet faces. They want to make the world a better place for everyone, tackling problems from food waste to protecting the oceans.

Emily Ma, who writes for X’s blog about the progress of Project Delta, says the team now has a prototype ready. The team’s mission from the start involved creating a more efficient food system to allocate resources correctly. In order to do that, they had to know the location and condition of the foods, and where to route it to. After two and a half years of testing different technologies, they’ve built an intelligent food distribution system.

How they started the program

The process of creating the prototype began with talking to people in the supply chain – grocers, fishermen, farmers, and food banks. To solve the problems, they had to find out firsthand where the hangups in the system occurred. They found out that a lack of communication created much of the food waste problem. For example, no industry standard existed for food suppliers to share their inventory, or for food banks to register their needs.

In the blog, Emily wrote that “this means that a food bank in Texas might work with a grower in Florida for oranges when a grocery store 20 miles away could have donated exactly what they need.”

The team also found out that no industry standard existed to communicate about food locations, quantities, and items. For example, in the data sets they looked at, they found 27 different ways to refer to Texas e.g. TX, Texas. Tx., NX, TXTX, etc. You can see how this would cause confusion and miscommunication, leading to possible food waste issues.

Dana-bot is born, Google’s AI prototype for an intelligent food distribution system

Working with Kroger, Feeding America, and the Southwest Produce Cooperative, the team successfully created a prototype called Dana-bot. They named it after their friend Dana, the COO of the Community Food Bank of Southern Arizona. The prototype uploaded data about donated food from the food banks’ data set and categorized each entry. Then, it matched the food with the real-time needs of nearby food banks in the Feeding America network.

The team then started working with Kroger on ways to alleviate its food waste problem. Their prototype gave Kroger more insight into foods being recycled and how they can manage surplus items. For example, Kroger used to recycle excess deli products because of health concerns. However, with X’s program, they can now safely donate these foods to food banks that need them.

Finally, the team spent time in a Google commercial kitchen to gain insight on food waste there. After interviewing chefs, they realized it takes 30-60 minutes per shift for staff to track food waste by hand. They then saw an opportunity to use technology to make this system more efficient. The team installed cameras next to garbage cans to record data about foods being thrown out. After running a trial with 20 units for six months, the machines collected double the information that the manual system had.

In the future, the team sees potential for the AI to suggest efficient, safe ways to reuse or recycle foods. For example, it could track trends on certain foods and suggest dishes to use them in based on other ingredients available.

Final thoughts: Google develops AI to help tackle the growing food waste problem

Technology is the way of the future, and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The right use of technology can change the world for the better, as Google proved with their prototype. Machine learning has already helped grocery stores, food banks, and commercial kitchens cut down on food waste. The Moonshot team is excited to see how AI will solve one of the world’s toughest problems in the coming years.

6 Activities That Boost Your Mental Health in 30 Minutes a Day

February 15, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Are you seeking to boost your mental health, but you don’t know where to start? Look no further! As it turns out, simple activities can be all you need to give your brain a little edge. Best yet, you can spend as little as thirty minutes daily to reap the rewards.

Small things that you do can have a surprisingly significant impact on your overall psychological state. That’s why it’s important to understand how different things can affect it, for better or worse. Here’s how experts reveal six meaningful activities that boost your mental health.

1. Writing In A Journal

The act of writing down everyday experiences, thoughts, and feelings is incredibly therapeutic, and for many, it’s the cause for significant increases in mental health. According to Talkspace’s Chief Medical Officer, psychiatrist Dr. Neil Leibowitz, even just writing something and then throwing it away can help you manage your emotions and anxieties.

When you write in a private journal, you’re able to express everything you’re thinking about without worrying about being judged. You can let your pen carry all your emotions and anxieties, including ones you know are irrational or only temporary and will no longer affect you later. Whatever you think can be written without harming those around you, and you can look back over your writing later and reflect on your mistakes, feelings, and reality.

Journaling can provide these boosts to mental health:

Reduce depression scores among individuals diagnosed with major depressive disorder, according to research
Be similar in effectiveness to positive therapy, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy.
Increase positive thinking by reducing depressive symptoms such as rumination
Reduce the severity of stress and anxiety symptoms, according to studies
Aid in positive recovery after traumatic, stressful, or difficult life events

2. Strength Training

Strength training is a form of exercise that involves building muscle and improving endurance and strength. It is also often called resistance training and usually uses weights, though many different resistance tools exist.

Psychotherapist, mental strength coach, and licensed clinical social worker Amy Morin states that strength training can be used as an intervention for many mental health issues and boost positive thinking. Here are some of the mental health benefits of this activity!

· Cognitive Function

Individuals with mild cognitive impairment find that strength training can help improve their cognitive ability. Imagine, then, what it can do for you!

· Anxiety Reduction

Excessive worry, restlessness, and similar symptoms are common with anxiety and physical symptoms like muscle tremors. Strength training can help to reduce the severity of these symptoms.

· Self-Esteem

Those who perform strength training are more likely to have a slightly more positive self-perception. Working out can be beneficial to the body, allowing people to feel more confident as a result.

· Depression

While strength training can’t cure depression, it can certainly help to reduce its overall symptoms. Regular exercise allows for mood regulation, especially on those with mild-to-moderate symptoms normally.

3. Gardening

Few people realize just how great the impact of gardening is on health. According to Morin, it’s a beautiful way to exercise, get fresh air and sunlight exposure, and improve your home. More importantly, though, it’s great for your mental health. Here are some studies that show the benefits of this activity:

“A Potential Natural Treatment for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: Evidence From a National Study” published in American Journal of Public Health (2004). This research showed that being among nature could reduce ADHD symptoms, allowing for better focus and concentration. If you are a neurodivergent individual with this or a similar disorder, being in a garden may essentially help your mental health.
“Parks and Other Green Environments: Essential Components of a Healthy Human Habitat” published by the National Recreation and Park Association (2010). This collection of different findings revealed many fascinating aspects of nature’s effect on mental health. One of them was that 79% of hospital patients experience calmer positive thinking and feel higher relaxation levels after being in a garden.
“Gardening promotes neuroendocrine and affective restoration from stress,” published in the Journal of Health Psychology (2011). This randomized controlled trial study revealed that gardening is an incredibly effective stress-fighting habit, even reducing cortisol levels, the stress hormone, in the blood of the participants.

4. Yoga

People talk about yoga’s benefits so often now that it can seem cliche to recommend it for mental health, but the simple fact is that it works, and it works well! Registered dietician Rachael Link lists the following science-backed ways that yoga can boost your mental health:

· Reduced Anxiety Symptoms

Anxiety is the country’s most commonly diagnosed disorder, and yoga can help with that tremendously. Those who practice yoga are more likely to experience positive thinking and tend to have lower anxiety levels.

· Decreased Stress Levels

Studies have shown just how effective yoga can be regarding stress. It helps to reduce cortisol levels, the stress hormone, and in the span of just a few months, the results can be quite dramatic!

· Reduced Depression Symptoms

A lot of research has shown that practicing yoga may aid in the management of depressive symptoms. This is even more effective when used alongside more mainstream treatment methods as a supplementary treatment.

· Reduced PTSD Symptoms

Post-traumatic stress disorder is challenging to manage. Studies have found that it may be an effective method of side treatment for the disorder when used alongside other treatments. In fact, it can cause more than half of those with the disorder to recover to the point of no longer fitting PTSD criteria.

5. Reading

Reading is an extremely beneficial activity that is enriching for the mind. Whether you prefer fiction, non-fiction, or something else entirely, reading is always a benefit. Here are some of the science-backed benefits that indicate mental health can be boosted by the simple act of being a bit of a bibliophile!

· You’re Less Stressed Out

Reading for just half an hour has been found to have positive effects on physical health, including reduced heart rate and lowered blood pressure. This translates to mental health by making you less stressed out overall. When you read, you lessen feelings and experiences of psychological distress. The same study that found this also revealed that reading is just as compelling as humor and even yoga. The thirty-minute period for effectiveness means you don’t have to dedicate endless time to reading, either!

· You’re More Empathic

Reading fiction, specifically literary fiction, has improved empathy among readers in research. This is likely because the act of reading puts you into the inner lives of fictional characters, bringing you to understand and see through their perspectives, even when you don’t relate to them. In turn, this allows you to understand better the emotions, beliefs, and thoughts of others. Experts call this concept the “theory of mind,” which involves human beings’ natural ability to maintain, build, navigate, and comprehend social relationships.

· Your Brain Gets Stronger

When you read, a large number of complex signals get sent through your brain’s circuitry. The more you read, the more complex those signals get, creating a sophisticated network in your head. Research has found, through functional MRI scans, that reading a novel lights up so many different parts of the brain. Essentially, when you read, your brain grows stronger and stronger over time, and the more you read, the better and more powerful your brain becomes.

· You Are Less Susceptible To Cognitive Decline

According to the National Institute on Aging, reading is a good way to aid in mental engagement as you get older. For the most part, research into the benefits of reading in cognitive disease prevention is still young. Still, some research has indicated that senior citizens who read daily have a better cognitive function. It is also believed that the earlier you begin reading daily, the better it will be for your brain.

6. Take A Break

Some people look down on breaks, viewing regular rests as lazy or unproductive. This is a completely unfair and untrue statement. Science has revealed time and time again that breaks are good for you and are often better for accomplishing goals than not taking any breaks.

Breaks can be meaningful simply because they mean that you’re taking time for yourself. According to psychology writer Meg Selig, who is also an author on books related to habits for success and other similar topics, here are some reasons taking breaks can be beneficial to your mental health:

· Resting Lets The Brain Work

It sounds contradictory, but it’s actually entirely true! Resting allows the brain to function, and not actively engaging your mind doesn’t mean it is resting idle and unused. In fact, it’s quite the contrary! The brain is more creative when it gets to wander, and taking breaks allows it to process recently acquired information. The more you rest your mind, the easier it is for you to learn new things, say studies!

· You Get Renewed Motivation

Everyone needs to take a break sometimes, as the brain’s prefrontal cortex can get overworked. When you focus too much and obsessively over an effort, the sustained attention required for something challenging can deplete your brainpower over time. When you take breaks, you let your brain rest, renewing its motivation. Studies have shown that actively deactivating and reactivating goals is conducive to ensuring renewed and focused motivation with positive thinking.

· You Don’t Get Fatigued From Decisions

Every day is filled with decisions that need to be made. For people who have many choices to make, this can lead to something known as decision fatigue. This refers to the occurrence of the dampening of reasoning ability and willpower as a result of tiredness. A famous study showed that judges who had to make a lot of decisions were less likely to grant parole to prisoners when they hadn’t had a break in a while, as their minds naturally gravitated towards the easiest answer: “no.” Basically, you need breaks if you want to make rational, non-impulsive, effective decisions!

Final Thoughts on Some Meaningful Activities That Boost Your Mental Health

You can perform countless activities to aid your mental health, and these six are scientifically guaranteed. After a little while of regularly practicing these activities, you’ll see how meaningful they can be and how much they can aid you!

Watch This Adorable Pembroke Welsh Corgi Make Incredible Trick Shots

February 15, 2021 by Kristen Lawrence

Have you ever seen a corgi play basketball before? Watch out Air Bud, because Lilo the corgi is coming for you! Her owner Denny says they first discovered Lilo’s talent during his wife’s birthday party.

“There were balloons all over the ground and Lilo would chase them up into the air until they popped,” Denny said. “One time, she actually hit a balloon into a basket, and we all looked around and were like, ‘Did anyone get that on camera?!’”

Since then, Lilo’s been steadily practicing and learning new tricks. The adorable corgi has become famous on platforms like TikTok, where she’s amassed over 125k followers! She’s even been featured on our Facebook page. Her audience loves watching her amazing talent for basketball and can’t wait to see what she comes up with next.

Meet Lilo

The Pembroke Welsh Corgi got her name from the move of the same name. Denny and his wife decided to name her Lilo “because of her strong alpha personality.” She certainly seems to love taking charge and showing everyone who’s boss!

Denny says Lilo scored her first basket in June of last year, and they’ve been doing trick shots ever since. His favorite memory of her so far is from early on in their journey trying to make baskets.

“I got off work, and I went into my living room, and there Lilo was laying next to the basket,” Denny says. “I was like, ‘Oh, that’s interesting!’ So I went and picked up the basket, and I picked up the ball, and Lilo immediately jumped on this couch and she was ready to play.”

He says from that moment on, he realized that Lilo enjoyed shooting baskets as much as he enjoyed watching her! She truly seems to love doing trick shots, and catches onto new tricks quickly. Corgis are known for being highly intelligent, receptive dogs, so this isn’t surprising. However, not too many corgis can play basketball, so this makes her one-of-a-kind.

How Denny comes up with trick shot ideas for his corgi

“Coming up with a trick shot can be very challenging, as most of it is just us throwing things at the wall and seeing what sticks,” Denny said. “More often than not, as you can tell by my reactions, I don’t really expect most of them to go in.”

Lilo is no quitter though, and keeps at it until she masters the shots. It’s a great workout for Denny as well!

“Lilo keeps surprising all of us whenever she keeps trying, and she keeps wanting to play and keeps hitting the ball. Whenever we do stair shots, I’m usually drenched in sweat from having to go and get this ball,” Denny says.

His wife even made a joke that their roles have reversed now since Denny fetches the balls when Lilo throws them! Denny jokingly says that was a tough realization, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. Lilo seemed to catch onto the tricks pretty quickly, but this is typical behavior of the bright, active breed.

“Training a dog to do these kinds of tricks – they may look hard or impossible – but honestly, dogs are extremely smart creatures.”

Denny went on to say that you just need some time, patience, and a whole lot of chicken jerky. This is good advice if you ever want to teach your dog some new tricks! Make sure to have lots of treats and meat snacks handy.

He says they taught her to do trick shots after she made her first basket with the balloon. They used that same motion to teach her the command “hit” when they threw her the ball. Lilo is one smart girl! They use a mini basketball goal as well as a little cloth basket for her tricks.

She’s learned many types of tricks so far, including “the Kobe,” where she spins around before hitting the ball. She also can bounce it off a wall or backboard, or just hit it straight from her nose into the goal. Lilo has even made a shot from the second story of their house when Denny put the goal on the first floor! One time, Denny threw the ball behind him where Lilo was standing, and she hit the ball over him into the basket!

Denny says he hopes they can keep providing new content and trick shots to bring more joy into our lives. We hope they do too! Lilo probably has tons more tricks up her sleeves.

A little bit about Welsh corgis

As we said, corgis are extremely bright, lively, active dogs who love to play. They make wonderful family pets, as they are affectionate, but not overly needy. They continue to rank as one of the top herding breeds in the world. Corgis are also known for being strong, athletic “alpha” dogs who love showing off their skills.
It’s no wonder Lilo has a natural talent for basketball – it’s in her genes! If you want a corgi, make sure you have plenty of extra energy to keep up with these dogs. They love to play and interact with their owners, so they do best with high-energy people. Perhaps you could even teach your dog basketball or some other sport, as Denny did with Lilo!

Final thoughts: this adorable corgi will knock your socks off with her amazing tricks

Lilo is no ordinary dog – in fact, she’s well on her way to the NBA! Her trick shots have made her famous all over the world, and Denny hopes to continue making videos. She’s certainly come a long way from her first basket trick with the balloons!

If you’d like to know more about Lilo, you can visit her website here. Also, Denny has cute accessories like phone cases, tote bags and stickers you can buy to support their efforts. On their site, he says if you have any ideas for trick shots, send it to him and you’ll get a shoutout plus free merch!

5 Healthy Ways To Heal From A Breakup

February 15, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

A breakup is something almost everyone will experience in their life. It’s a painful and challenging process. If you are trying to heal from a breakup, you might feel like you’ll never be happy again, or even that you’ll never find love again. It might seem like your whole world is falling apart.

But stop believing these things! None of it is true! You can heal from even the most bitter ends to relationships, and better yet, you can become a better person because of it. All it takes is a little guidance and a push in the right direction.

Five Healthy Ways To Heal From A Breakup

Here are five healthy ways to heal from a breakup and five ways to gain from it.

1. Let Yourself Be Sad

There are many possible reasons for a breakup, but no matter your reasons, one fact is universal: the loss of a relationship is painful and challenging to get over. Your feelings will be all over the place, and what you should do if you want to heal is simple: let yourself experience them.

Some people falsely believe that being hung up on a breakup is childish or unnecessary, but that’s not the case. Think about it – when you break up with someone, you have to go through so many changes, including:

The loss of companionship and support from someone akin to a best friend and confidant
The possible shifting of lifestyle; you may need to move somewhere new
The change of long-term goals and plans that were related to the relationship

There are so many things you need to deal with, so don’t bottle your feelings up. Repressing your emotions has no positive effect and may even further worsen them, leading to a background buildup of unresolved issues that only affect you more and more with time. So learn to acknowledge your emotions, validate them, and then, one by one, let them go.

2. Open Up To Friends

Breakups are complicated, and you need social support. Talk to friends or close family members, seeking out those who you trust and who care about you. If that seems a little intimidating, begin with the person you feel most comfortable speaking to.

The act of socializing can seem ridiculous when you’re feeling so down after a breakup. Still, it’s essential for lifting your spirits, getting you out of your head, and improving positive thinking. Being around positive people will fill you with the feel-good hormones you no longer get from your relationship.

Getting out of the house for a little while and being around people who you love and trust can be therapeutic for overcoming the pain of a split. You can also seek out a support group or a therapist if those are options that you prefer.

3. Be Kind To Yourself

It’s easy to get caught in a cycle of self-loathing when you’re recovering from a breakup. You may question where you went wrong and think about all the mistakes you made. Of course, most relationships do end due to a combination of fault from all parties involved, but that’s just how it is! Instead of hating yourself:

Reflect on the relationship objectively and with as much rationality as possible; what could you have done better?
Focus your efforts on growing as a person instead of berating yourself over the past
Direct your negative energy towards positive endeavors; don’t point fingers at exes or yourself.
Remember that mistakes are part of the human experience, and you are not unworthy of love for making your share of mistakes.

4. Create Boundaries as you Heal From a Breakup

When you first break up with someone, the temptation to text them, call them, or see them again can be compelling. In some cases, this leads to an unproductive on-again, off-again type of relationship. You’ll never be sure what you are or where you stand with this person, and the ambiguity of it all can be confusing, painful, and altogether worse for you.

That’s where boundaries come in. You cannot heal from a wound that you continue to pick at or reopen, so make sure that wound stays untouched. Talk to your ex about boundaries if necessary and enforce them with firm assertiveness. When you are ready, you can talk to them again to discuss loose ends and find closure, but for the most part, contact should be limited.

But what if you want to stay friends? Unless the relationship was too brief and you were friends before, “staying friends” is a complex concept. You will usually need some time to yourself to heal first before you can both handle a mature, purely platonic friendship.

Think of it like kicking a minor version of addiction. The withdrawal pains are part of the process, and they’re necessary if you truly want to heal. So put your positive thinking on, set your boundaries, and brace yourself.

5. Keep Yourself Occupied

Losing someone in a breakup often means your mind will be stuck on them, which isn’t a very productive way to go about healing. That’s why you need to keep your mind occupied as you heal from the pain and manage the difficult period. You can:

Seek new hobbies to learn
Take a new class
Read (preferably non-romantic) books
Exercise
Listen to music, sorrowful songs (studies show they help!)

5 Ways To Gain From a Breakup

1. Know That Being Alone Is Okay

Being by yourself can be difficult after a breakup, but that’s because you may have forgotten how wonderful it is to be in your own company. In many unhealthy relationships, both people lose their sense of self and individuality as they stay together. It’s a good reminder, then, that you are a great and fulfilling person all on your own, too!

Learn to appreciate who you are and focus on yourself. When you can learn to exist alone without being lonely, you’re one step closer to a healthier and happier future with better and more positive relationships. While alone, try:

Working on self-improvement.
Doing things you love to do that you’ve neglected.
Focusing your efforts on chasing goals.
Spending time with your personal friends or your family.
Discovering new things about yourself.

2. Learn What You Want From A Relationship

When you break up with someone, you learn from that relationship what works and what doesn’t. You can reflect on your partnership and pinpoint things that didn’t work for you and things that did. This way, you better understand your values, needs, and desires when it comes to relationships.

When you are eventually ready to date again, the things you’ve learned from this self-reflection will help you. You’ll be more aware of deal-breakers, must-haves, core values, and other factors and will be able to communicate your needs to your new partner better. You’ll also be able to pick someone more compatible with you!

3. Find Intrinsic Self-Worth

You may notice that many people define their self-worth by their relationship status. They lament being single and may even use the term “single” as an insult. That’s such a sad way of thinking about the world! You do not and should not need a relationship to be happy.

To gain from a breakup, you’ll want to learn to find your self-worth within you. Instead of seeking extrinsic validation by being in a relationship, learn to validate yourself based on your actual merits and authentic self.

This is important for your future life and future relationships. Being happy with yourself means you won’t become dependent on a new partner or partnership to boost your ego, and your connection will be stronger and healthier because of that.

4. Learn Your Emotional Triggers

There are likely things your ex said or did that were the last straw, something that made you decide that enough was enough, or only actions or words that shook you or made you furious. These are emotional triggers, and these are things you should be aware of.

Reflect over those things that significantly hurt you. Why did they trigger you in such a strong and powerful way? What wounds of older times have you yet to address or heal? Your ex’s hurtful actions may reveal more about you than you think – they show you where your sore spots are.

When you find these sore spots, you can look at them and examine them. Why are they painful? What causes them to hurt? Learning about these little bits of baggage will make you better understand where you need to improve and what you need to work on. There is more healing to be done than you know!

5. Discover Forgiveness as You Heal from a Breakup

Forgiveness is difficult to give. But harboring grudges doesn’t punish the person you refuse to forgive – it only punishes you. Research has found that holding grudges may worsen your mental health! Breakups involve saying “goodbye,” not repeatedly holding someone in your brain. Even if you’re not thinking positively about them, their presence in your mind at all is not a healthy one to maintain!

So what should you do? Learn to let go and say goodbye to these grudges. This is not to say that you have to tell your ex you forgive them. In some cases, you may not ever feel ready to do so, and in others, your ex may not deserve that kind of closure and peace of mind from you. It is never a requirement of healing to directly inform someone that you forgive them.

Instead, find peace in your heart by forgiving someone in your way. These feelings attached to them no longer serve you, and to hold a grudge that burns in your heart will only harm you in the long run. You forgive them because your energies are better spent elsewhere. Tell yourself that you forgive this person for what they’ve done and bid them farewell from your heart!

Final Thoughts On Some Healthy Ways To Heal From A Breakup And Things To Gain From It

No one can deny that breakups are painful, but everyone can recover, grow, and improve from their former relationships. Each experience you have in life is an opportunity to learn something new. After all, so turn your pain into growth!

3 Behaviors That Reveal a One-Sided Friendship (and How to Let Go)

February 15, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

A good friendship is one to treasure. You lift each other, support each other when you’re down and are there for one another through thick and thin. You have fun, make memories, and share a close and powerful bond. But now and then, there is a friendship that doesn’t fit that bill, where you give more than you get – if you even get at all. Here are three behaviors that reveal a one-sided friendship and how to let go of that friend if you’re in one.

3 Behaviors That Reveal a One-Sided Friendship

Do you feel like your relationship’s not as friendly these days? Watch out for these behaviors.

1. You Feel Tired After Seeing This Friend

Do you ever meet a friend and then find yourself feeling really exhausted or drained afterward? It’s tough to fathom why. On the one hand, if you’re an introvert, it could just be the social interaction in general that could be tiring out. But pay extra attention to how you feel – are you extra drained? More tired than usual?

It’s tough to admit that someone makes you feel exhausted whenever you spend time with them. These types of people are often not reciprocating the friendship, leaving it one-sided. This causes you to feel tired around them, which could be because:

You have to make more effort and put more energy into interactions and conversations.
They tend to be very damaging, bringing the mood down and emotionally draining you.
They scrutinize you and frequently have to defend yourself against invalidation, being treated like you’re inferior, or feeling insulted.
They are toxic, and you feel exhausted from handling the toxicity.

Anyone can cause you to feel drained, so if someone makes you feel this way, step back and think about it. It would be best if you didn’t spend too much time with people who make you feel worse than you did before spending time with them. Sure, conflict arises with everyone now and then, but it shouldn’t be a constant thing. Try reducing the time you spend around or with them and monitoring how you feel. It might be time to call it quits if you feel better without them.

2. A One-Sided Friendship Means You Can’t Rely On Them

Not everyone can indeed be there for you all the time. All the people in your life have their own boundaries and personal lives. But a true friend is one that you can count on and rely on at least most of the time, and they will do their best to be there for you and help you when you’re truly in need.

In a one-sided friendship, you can never count on the other person. You might feel alone, isolated, or ignored. You might:

Do a lot more for them than they ever do for you.
I feel like they’re hypocritical as they expect a lot from you but never give in return.
Have important events skipped out on by them
Not receive replies to messages or have your calls be left ignored.
Be left alone after they forget or cancel plans on you repeatedly.
Be on the receiving end of frustration or annoyance whenever you ask for their help.
Please have your personal information, secrets, or feelings shared by them with others.

3. This Friend Will Use You Emotionally

A fake friend you’re trapped in a one-sided friendship with will take advantage of your emotional labor. They may think you must listen to all their troubles as they vent to you, even when you’re not in the right headspace for it.

Worse still, this so-called friend may accuse you of being awful if you don’t drop everything to be at their emotional beck and call. It’s hard to pinpoint this because it’s a form of subtle abuse. Of course, they’re not hitting you, stealing from you, or actively treating you like garbage. But they engage in guilt-tripping and manipulating you into going along with their demands. It’s not great! Here are some signs you’re being used emotionally in a one-sided friendship:

· They Run To You For Any Crisis

Whenever this friend of yours deals with an adverse event, they run to you for help and beg for assistance. But when it comes time for you to request their service, they’re never around. They expect you to drop everything for their troubles but wouldn’t do the same for you.

· You Know So Much About Them That It Weighs You Down

You know everything about this friend of yours, and while that’s not a bad thing in itself, it becomes negative if they don’t remember anything about you at all. You’re frequently expected to keep track of everything they’ve ever told you, but they won’t remember your birthday, that you dislike tea, or even how to spell your name.

· You Get Used As A Therapist – Or A Punching Bag

Are you the only one doing any emotional labor in your friendship? It’s outstanding to vent to your friends, but they shouldn’t be responsible for managing your emotions, providing you with solutions, or counseling you. It’s nice when friends can do that, but they aren’t your therapists. In a one-sided friendship, you may feel like you’re being treated like one, sometimes to the point of mental or emotional exhaustion on your part.

How to Let Go of a One-Sided Friendship

1. Create Your Own Closure to the One-Sided Friendship

Many people hold closure as a lofty goal that will finally give them peace of mind. While seeking closure is a valid way to recover from difficult experiences and let go of bad friendships, it doesn’t have to be done in the fancy, movie-like fashion we often hold it up to.

You don’t need closure from anyone but yourself if you want to let go of something. You can find positive thinking through self-made closure. You’ll find ways to find that neat end to the chapter that you seek with a little creativity. Here are some ways to do so:

· Create A Scrapbook

Reminisce over good times by putting together photos and other mementos you’ve collected over the years of your friendship. Then, once the scrapbook is done, look it over one last time before putting it away, long-term.

· Write A Letter

Express all your feelings towards your friend, including how they’ve hurt you, how much they meant to you, and how terrible you feel now that it’s over. Do not send the letter. (If you want to send the letter, stick to positive topics only.)

· Design Something Symbolic

Create some “ritual” items that you can use as a symbolic way of letting go of the friendship. You may throw away a gift your friend gave you, say a prayer of gratitude and release, or do anything that feels right to you.

· Keep A Journal

No one will read your journal, so no one can judge what you write. So write everything – all the pain, complicated feelings, even moments of selfishness you feel. Express yourself freely and note whatever comes to mind. You may look back on past entries and reflect later, or close the journal and not return to it when you’re done.

2. Appreciate The Happy Friend Relationships You Still Have

When a friendship has hurt you, it’s easy to feel bitter towards close relationships. You may have trouble trusting others and may feel tempted to withdraw. Don’t allow this to happen. You must remember and cherish the positive friendships and relationships you still have if you want to let go of the old one. Here are some tips for doing so:

· Spend Time With People Who Love You

Get together with those who care about you and who matter to you. Remind yourself that you are still loved and good relationships still exist.

· Talk To People You Trust

As you work to let go of this old friendship, seek support in the people you still have and want to hold on to. They can help you in your journey to recovering from it.

· Express Gratitude For The Support You Receive

Appreciate the people in your life who are useful to you and with who you have good relationships. Don’t let the negativity from one bad friendship wipe out all the lovely, unique, positive people you have in your life.

3. Remind Yourself Of Your Worth After Ending a One-Sided Friendship

Self-esteem can take a huge hit when you realize you were in a one-sided friendship. It can feel awful to be in that situation, and it’s hard to climb out of negative thought patterns. This only makes it harder to let go, so you need to remind yourself that this one friendship does not define you. Here are some ways to let go by remembering your worth:

· Don’t Take It Personally

It’s easy to blame yourself if you were the victim in a one-sided friendship. Were you too boring? Too annoying? Not worthy of their respect? The answer is that it was never your fault. People who are willing to take advantage of others happily don’t care about who you are. It was not your fault that you were taken advantage of; it does not reflect your character or personality. Remember that.

· Set Boundaries

The one-sided friendship you escaped may have given you new insight into healthy boundaries, so set them. You are worthy of space, respect, and your own limits. Think about and reflect on areas where your edges wear thin and reinforce them. This will ensure that your relationships stay positive, mostly as you work on letting go of the negative ones.

· Make New, Happy Memories

Your mind now is fogged up with all the old memories you have with that one-sided friend. Discarding them isn’t necessary, as they are lessons. Instead, fill your memory banks with positive thinking by seeking brand new memories. Please make your own happiness and overwrite the negativity they injected into your life by building memories by yourself and with others.

Final Thoughts on Knowing the Signs of a One-Sided Friendship and Ways to Let Go

Friendships are meant to be mutually beneficial. While sometimes one friend is in a rough patch and needs more support than the other, the norm should be a balanced and healthy relationship. If you’re in a one-sided friendship, know you deserve better and address the problem. Don’t be afraid to eliminate a toxic friend from your day; you will be better off for it!

4 Reasons Why People Stay In Toxic Relationships

February 15, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever seen a so painfully unhealthy relationship that you can’t imagine why those people remain together? Or are you in a situation where you’re questioning your own partnership’s positivity but feel the need to stay despite knowing something is wrong?

4 Reasons Why People Stay In Toxic Relationships

Unfortunately, it is widespread for people to remain in bad partnerships, no matter how obvious the downsides are. Here are four reasons why people stay in toxic relationships and how to break free from them.

1. Investment

Many individuals in relationships have invested a lot into those relationships, sometimes to the point of feeling unable to leave. Those who decide to remain in bad relationships have shared investments with their partners, according to research.

This includes:

Sharing a home
Having children together
Intertwined financial status
Time and effort
Resources

In these circumstances, the knowledge you have invested so much in that relationship can cause you to feel reluctant to let the relationship go. After all, it’s easy to view ending something with so much investment as a “waste,” and the thought of having to redistribute everything you share and find agreements for who gets what is overwhelming. Why let it all “go to waste” when you can tolerate the toxicity?

2. Disliking The Available Alternatives

When people think about leaving a relationship, one of the first things that will cross their minds is the alternatives to being with that person. In some situations, the available options are less preferable to staying put. For example, someone may not leave if:

Living outside of their relationship means losing the financial support of their partner, and they cannot make up for the loss with their work
Their partner is more likely to get custody of the shared children, and the inability to be with their kids is a worse outcome than remaining
They have low self-esteem and believe that they will never find anyone else to love or accept them; studies suggest this is a significant factor in staying in relationships

3. Love

Unfortunately, emotions are the driving force that often makes people stay. Being in love with a toxic person can mean overlooking their negative traits, using positive thinking through daily difficulties, and wanting to stay together simply because you love them.

Worse still, your emotions can override your rational thought. You may be cognitively aware of someone’s toxicity but have only good feelings about them thanks to the love you feel. You may even experience negative feelings about your relationship and have them ignored because of that positive spark of love. This means that you can know for sure that you’re in a lousy relationship and still stay out of love, and that’s sadly very common.

4. Abuse

Many people stay in relationships because of abuse of some kind. Sadly, many victims find themselves silenced or not taken seriously, and in the end, they often receive blame for staying regardless. It’s a terrible catch-22, but it’s a story we hear time and time again. Here are examples of abuse that may keep someone in a toxic relationship:

· Emotional Manipulation

Emotional abuse is often overlooked, but the act of destroying someone’s self-esteem through belittling, threatening, demeaning, or invalidating words can make someone think they shouldn’t leave. Someone who is manipulated this way may believe that no one else can love them, or that they will never be able to find anyone better, or even that they’re the ones at fault most in the relationship.

· Physical Abuse

Physical abuse can make someone fear harm from their partner if they leave. Many physical abusers perform something called “love-bombing,” where they behave extra sweetly to make up for the abuse that they do. In these moments, they can be charming and convince someone not to leave.

· Financial Abuse

A partner who withholds financial support to a partner who doesn’t work or earns much less could lead to someone’s decision to stay. This is especially true if they have no one else to rely on financially.

· Self-Threats

Sometimes, a toxic person will threaten to harm themselves if their partner leaves them. This is a form of emotional abuse, but few realize that’s what it is until much later. The resulting distress may convince someone to stay.

If you are a victim of any of these kinds of abuse, reach out to a domestic violence helpline or similar aid organization for help. They may be able to guide you or assist in your escape.

4 Ways To Break Free From Toxic Relationships

1. Understand Your Worth

Many people who are stuck in toxic relationships fail to consider that they are undeserving of that toxicity. Nobody should be trapped in a situation where they are abused, treated poorly, or aren’t receiving healthy and positive love and affection.

You are worth more than a toxic person makes you feel. You are worthy of a happy, loving relationship with someone who would never hurt you and will not perform unhealthy behaviors all the time, even after being spoken to about them. The time you waste staying where you are is more time you waste on something you deserve better than.

Remember, your toxic relationship holds you back from so many things. It could stop you from finding better relationships, growing and a person, and even from building a career. No relationship should do that.

2. Take Responsibility

Leaving a toxic relationship requires taking a lot of responsibility for your actions and your recovery. Of course, it makes sense that it would be easy to blame the other party, the person you perceive as the most toxic, for the state of your relationship. But ultimately, you need to stop pointing fingers and start focusing on yourself. To break free, you need to:

· Identify Your Problems

If you’ve stayed in a toxic relationship for such a long time, understand why. Were you drawn to that person due to past trauma with other poisonous people? Are you someone with your toxic traits, thus making you both like each other more? Did you like the idea of being able to “fix” them or the relationship? How did you contribute to the toxicity? Confronting your issues ensures that you learn from this relationship and don’t fall into a pattern of repeatedly dating the same kinds of people.

· Get Rid Of Denial

Many people make excuses for their toxic partners. “She’s just tired!”, “He just had a rough childhood!”, “They didn’t mean it, and they’re a good person at heart!”, “We just love each other so much that emotions run high!”. These excuses involve the person saying them being deep in denial. Face the facts: your relationship is toxic, no ifs, and, or buts about it. Crawling out of your denial allows you to see the relationship for what it is, and that burst of realism can be the rude awakening you need to break free.

· Do Your Part

When you finally leave, remember that you have the responsibility to make smarter decisions now. Could you not call your ex to check on them? Don’t fall into negative, equally toxic habits. Don’t try to move on to a new relationship immediately. Instead, work on yourself. Learn the lessons you have to learn, pick up on things you lost or let go of due to the relationship, and keep busy.

· Don’t Go Back On Your Decision

You chose to leave. Now, stick to it and don’t look back. It’s normal to miss someone you’ve been with for a long time, and you may think of your good times and wonder if you should get back to them. Don’t. Focus on the toxic aspects of the relationship and remind yourself why you needed to leave. If necessary, you can write down these reasons and look at the list whenever you’re having trouble staying away from your ex. Eventually, you will want to go back less and less.

3. Don’t Expect Others To Change; Change Yourself Instead

Some people stay in toxic relationships because they feel that something will change. Their partner will finally listen to them, or their dynamic will eventually shift, or they will finally convince their partner to transform a toxic part of them. It’s all wishful thinking and very unhealthy.

First, no one should be in a relationship with the sole goal of changing the other person into who they want them to be. That, in itself, is a pretty toxic foundation to begin with! You can’t go into a relationship with the desire to change other people, no matter how harmful they are. If you seek to change something, you shouldn’t be in that relationship.

This is not to say that mistakes can’t be made and people can’t learn and change. Of course, your partner can correct themselves as they grow as a person. But if you’re sitting there and hanging around hoping for a year of a toxic pattern to switch overnight, you’re barking up the wrong tree.

Remember, there’s only one person in this world that you can control: yourself. Learn to recognize repetitive patterns and control your response to them. You can decide that you want to leave, and you can decide that you’re worth more than this never-ending waiting game. As for your partner, if they wanted to change, they would.

4. Find Help and Support

Leaving a toxic relationship isn’t easy, but the good news is that you don’t have to do it alone. You can find support and assistance in many different forms and places, and you should seek that help. Don’t isolate yourself in this challenging time. Here are some ways to seek help:

· Talk To Loved Ones

Those who care about you and who you trust can help you as you work to overcome what you’ve been through. Surround yourself with those great, positive people in your life and confide in them, telling them aspects of the relationship you’d been afraid to talk about until now. They’ll help you move on and remind you never to look back again.

· Find Support Groups

You are not alone. Lots of people try to leave toxic relationships, and some communities provide support to them. Being around people in your situation will give you in-group support, and you can all motivate each other with positive thinking.

· Seek Professional Help

If you’re struggling with moving on or finding that you have a lot of trauma and pain attached to your old relationship, it’s a good idea to go to a professional. Counselors, therapists, and other mental health professionals have the necessary training to lend an unbiased ear while helping you make positive steps forward.

Final Thoughts On Some Reasons Why People Stay In Toxic Relationships And How To Break Free

No one deserves to be in a toxic relationship. If you are trapped in one, reach out for help. If you know someone trapped in one, extend your offers for aid if you can. Though it can be difficult, it is always possible to break free of a toxic relationship.

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