Breakups are heartbreaking. Perhaps you’ve had a breakup recently, and you and partner agreed that the relationship wasn’t working. Amid the heartbreak, there are things to learn. So, what life lessons can you learn from a mutual breakup?
What is a mutual breakup?
A breakup is when you and your partner end your intimate relationship. You may still respect one another, but you both agree that you aren’t lovers anymore. It is time, perhaps, for both of you to move on. Even though it’s a mutual decision, breakups are still hard on the heart. One study found that the longer a relationship exists, the more emotional impact there is from the breakup. This feeling is because you’ve spent a lot of time together as a couple, you’ve made memories together and become in one sense intertwined in your life activities.
What have you learned?
Even though your breakup is tough, you can grow in many ways from the difficulty of the breakup. Here is a list of what you can learn from mutual breakups. You’ll discover that…
Forgiveness will get you through.
Forgiveness brings healing. Bitterness and revenge eat away at your heart and mind. It turns you into an angry person that no one wants to be around. Letting go and forgiving your former partner is healthy for you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what your partner did was right, but it says you decided not to hold it against them. Forgiveness isn’t easy, but holding on to the pain will hurt you more in the long run. So, allow forgiveness to get you through.
You enjoy being alone.
Surprise, you realize that you like being alone. You enjoy cuddling up on the sofa with a good book at night in a quiet house. You enjoy a nice long bath or binge-watching your that Netflix program that your partner would never watch. Being alone can help you grow in independence and confidence. So don’t be surprised if you learn that being alone isn’t so bad.
What you definitely do not want in your next relationship.
Heartbreak is an excellent teacher. It teaches you what you don’t want to repeat. The loss of a relationship causes you to step back and evaluate what kind of person you want to spend your life with. Was your partner mature or emotionally needy? Did you and your partner have similar values about faith, family, and career? Perhaps you want someone who is more affectionate or less of a workaholic. You’re in a good place to think about your future relationship and learn what you want.
There are new experiences to be had.
Relationship breakups allow you to have new experiences you may not have had while in a relationship. The break forces you into these new experiences because suddenly, you’re free to do them. Maybe you’ll travel this summer or move to the city you love. A broken heart can be a suitable catalyst for some new adventures for you. Be ready for them.
Things you do want in your next relationship.
During a relationship, you may not see things that need to be fixed. It’s only after the breakup that you step back and realize there were certain aspects of your relationship that were unhealthy. This period is an excellent time to consider what you want in our next relationship. It’s time for you to learn what’s important to you in a partner versus what you thought was important in someone.
Get to know yourself.
Remember you? That person you knew before the relationship? After a breakup, it’s good to get in touch with your old self. Remember your dreams? Remember the people you wanted to hang out with but couldn’t because you were so busy hanging with your partner? Now is the time to rediscover the new you.
Don’t put things on hold because of the relationship.
It’s easy to set aside things while you’re in a relationship. That is not necessarily a wrong move to make, but once the relationship is finished, you can learn to pick up those things again. Perhaps you have a hobby you let die or a group of friends you stopped hanging with. Pick up where you left off.
Learn areas in your life where you need to grow
Both parties contribute to the demise of a relationship. You learn a lot about yourself when you are living with another person. Growth is always positive, and after a breakup, it’s essential to evaluate your contribution. This insight isn’t to condemn yourself, but to take an honest look at areas where you need to grow. Perhaps you need to be more patient, or you need to learn how to express your emotions honestly. Do an evaluation, then decide how you can grow. Perhaps you can read a book or meet with a counselor to learn ways in which you can change.
It’s vital that you take excellent care of your heart.
Guard your heart. When you go through one breakup, don’t be too quick to rush into another one. Learn how to take care of your heart. Don’t move into another relationship until you are sure the person is the right one. Otherwise, you’ll be in another breakup that fails.
Communication is critical
Healthy relationships need excellent communication. Poor communication ruins many relationships. If there’s one thing to learn from your breakup, it’s how to be a better communicator. Learn how to ask all the correct questions and to be a good listener. Learn ways to improve your communication now so that you can bring better skills into your next relationship.
Time will heal the pain.
Time may seem like it’s stopped after a breakup. You may wonder why everyone else is so happy, why they’re living their life as usual while you’re feeling the immense pain of losing someone you love. But you’ll learn that time can be your friend. As you stay busy at work or hanging with friends and family, time will pass by quickly. As your days become weeks, and your weeks turn into months, your heart won’t hurt quite as much.
You can’t change people.
If there is one additional thing to learn from a mutual breakup, it’s that you can’t change people. It’s impossible, although everyone tries to do it. A person must be willing to change their behavior. That’s when change can occur. Perhaps you went into your relationship, knowing there were some significant areas that your partner needed to change. Maybe you fell for the old lie that you could help them improve. But now you are wiser. So, when you get into your next new relationship, you won’t be as naïve for your own sake.
A person can’t make you happy.
You may have known that your partner couldn’t be your only reason for being happy. But you may have forgotten. Perhaps now you realize that you thought your partner was your only joy in life. But you’ve learned that no person can be your complete happiness, because they will fail you. People can’t make you happy. You must find your joy in those things that last like your faith, your purpose in life, and being yourself.
You will love again
You don’t feel this right now. You probably made a declaration to never fall in love again. Breakups cause heartbreak. It takes time to get over it. That’s okay, don’t rush it. It’s essential to healing. Reconnect with old friends and hang out with your family. Get reacquainted with your life before your relationship. Over time, you’ll feel better. You’ll realize that you’re worth loving, and you want to love again.
You learn something from every relationship.
Relationships are hard work, but sadly sometimes they don’t last, but every relationship has its purpose. Every person teaches you something about life and love. Your partner showed you a side of life and love that you would never have experienced otherwise. Perhaps you learned some beautiful things about love from watching your partner. Of course, this is a tough relationship to lose, but even in your loss, there is always something you gained.
If you find yourself amid a mutual breakup, be grateful the end of the relationship didn’t get ugly. Of course, heartbreak is always tricky, and it will take some time to heal. During this time, you can learn so many things about yourself, rediscovering who you are and considering you want your next relationship to look like. Your breakup can change your life for the good if you let it.