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8 Reasons Why the Best Relationship Is Built from a Foundation of Trust

October 2, 2021 by Chris Butler

When it comes to relationships, trust is a must. If you don’t have a strong base of confidence in your partner, your connection will not survive. Staying together when life becomes intolerable and painful requires a healthy foundation of trust.

The opposite of confidence is fear, and nothing good comes from this paralyzing state. Think of trust as the glue that holds everything in place. Most people think that most relationships end because of infidelity or a betrayal, but mistrust can destroy what you have quicker than anything.

Assume you doubt your partner, so you accuse them of all sorts of things. They may not be guilty of doing anything wrong, but you become fearful of their actions because you don’t have faith and trust their word.

Seven Signs That You Lack Trust

Being in a relationship comes with significant responsibilities. If you want your connection to withstand the test of time, you need to have this strong foundation. What about when two people don’t have trust in their partnership? Here are some things that can happen:

You feel you must be in control of everything.
You act like a detective monitoring their every move.
Doubting your partner’s word.
Every time their phone rings or they get a text, you’re instantly suspicious.
Your mind constantly replays the worst-case scenario.
You feel like you can’t let your guard down.
You don’t feel free enough to ask for what you want and need.

How can your relationship grow and flourish if you don’t trust one another? When you have doubts, you’re going to feel that your union is chaotic, drama-filled, and unpredictable.

Understanding The Foundation of Trust

You must consider that before you can trust someone else, you must trust yourself. Do you make sound judgments in those you have in your inner circle and love? Some say there’s a direct connection between trust and love, but the lines become blurred for some folks.

If you’re building a home, you need a good foundation. Why are so many homes built in the 1800s still standing? The foundations and craftsmanship of these homes were stellar. The master builders cut no corners and used fine materials.

If they had taken shortcuts and used lackluster supplies, the homes wouldn’t have survived the storms, floods, tornadoes, and other inclement weather over the years. Now, think of your relationship as these older homes. You can cut corners and try to take the cheap way out, or you can take time and do things right.

While it may cost you to build the best foundation for your relationship, it’s worth the effort. No one wants a shaky connection and can fail at any moment, as it’s no way to live.

Why Is a Foundation of Trust Important?

At the very least, you need to know that your partner loves you and will be loyal, and it’s a security that is necessary to survive.

It would help if you were vulnerable to them, confided in them, and felt a sense of safety. Here are eight reasons why that foundation of trust is essential.

1. It’s the Base Where Powerful Relationships Are Established

Some countries don’t have the finances or materials to build homes on a solid foundation. They use sand, dirt, or even cardboard. According to Reference, some homes in developing countries are made from whatever scraps they can find, including sticks, twigs, and mud. The foundations are poorly constructed, but it’s all they can afford.

However, a storm can blow in and wipe out everything they worked to create. So, the residents wait and pray that the weather stays good each day. Now, your relationship cannot be on such shaky ground waiting for something to in on it.

You want your relationship to be a safe place where you are loved and protected. Trust leaves no room for fear and insecurity, and when you have complete faith in someone, you’re empowering them to be the person the Universe intended them to be.

2. It’s Freeing

You were meant to be free and not bound by anything. If you want to love your partner, then trusting them can cut any chains of insecurity. When you both trust one another, you have freedom.

Additionally, you want them to thrive in your partnership and as an individual. Since trust is so freeing, you need to make sure it’s part of your union. This confidence means your partner can work late at the office without you going into a frenzy with fear and your mind creating scenarios of doubt.

3. Allows You To Feel the Full Possibilities in Your Relationship

Why do people always think the essential things in a relationship are love and intimacy? While they’re important, a foundation of trust should be at the top of the list too. If faith isn’t made a priority, you’re allowing fear and insecurity to creep in.

If you want to feel the full possibilities in your relationship, start with a foundation of trust. It allows you both to pour out your hearts and souls to one another without judgment or fear. According to The Mind’s Journal, love is born out of trust.

You can’t truly healthily love someone until you trust them, which is a profound thought.

4. Fuels Your Romance Fires

When you emphasize critical things like trust, you’re causing the romance fires to burn brighter. Think of trust as an accelerant. Have you ever cooked on an old-fashioned charcoal grill?

Unless you’ve perfected fire starting, you need something to help it burn bright. In your relationship, a foundation of trust is the accelerant that heats things up. Just like you need to get more oil when you run out, you need to do the same for confidence.

There will come storms in life that will try to put your fire out, but refilling your trust and faith in one another can top up the tank.

5. Gives Reassurance

When you believe that your spouse appreciates and loves you regardless, then you have the assurance your relationship will endure life’s roller coaster. It doesn’t matter if you disagree or have an argument; you know that you’re so much stronger than any difference.

6. Heals Hurts

There will be times when your partner will hurt you. You’re both human and not perfect, so there will be misunderstandings, needs that go unmet, and strains. However, the trust you have for one another will allow you to forgive them even when they fail, and you can pick up and go on.

7. Helps Overcome Obstacles

Trust helps you to make your relationship a priority. You know that whatever comes your way, your spouse will have your best interests at heart. There will always be challenges and things that upset you, but you know that you will work on these issues together when you have a foundation of trust.

8. Gives Your Partner Space

Here’s a big thing in any relationship; your partner needs space and time apart from you. When you have a good foundation of trust, you don’t mind them having some space. However, if you are suspicious and fearful when they’re away from you, you can suffocate them.

Signs You Have Strong Trust With Your Partner

How do you know if you and your partner are doing good and have this base of trust that’s so important? Well, here are a few signs that you’re making it a priority:

Excellent and open lines of communication: You can both have honest conversations where you don’t fear what you say and you’re willing to share your secrets and fears.
Putting each other first: You have significant consideration one for another, and you put their needs above yours. You make your partner a priority.
You have nothing to hide: There are no secrets between the two of you, and you can look at them in the eyes when talking. The two of you wouldn’t dare lie to one another.
Both partners are willing to admit mistakes: When you have made a mistake, you can talk to your partner about it without feeling judged. You don’t have to make excuses or come up with wild explanations because they understand.
There’s physical intimacy: True romance is what happens outside the bedroom. You’re strong in your relationship, and the fires burn bright, so you hold hands, hug, and kiss often.

Final Thoughts on Building a Relationship From a Foundation of Trust

Trust can be like a thread finely woven into every ounce of a quilt, and it should be the same in your relationship. If you value trust, make it essential, and protect this foundational building block, so your connection will be strong and stand the test of time. Remember that trust is something earned, and it doesn’t always come easily.

Plus, trust can be broken, and once it’s destroyed, it’s very challenging to rebuild. Foundational issues even in your home are costly and timely to repair, and it’s no different for a couple. No matter your problems, you will still be standing when you build your union based on trust.

10 Behaviors Reveal Toxic Drama in a Relationship

October 1, 2021 by Sarah Barkley

Toxic drama in your relationship can cause unnecessary stress and problems that are hard to overcome. Certain behaviors reveal drama and toxicity in a relationship, helping you to recognize it as it’s happening.

If your partner often uses drama to get their way, it is a big red flag. This indicator of toxic drama will manifest in all other areas of their life, too, and it might get worse over time. Your relationship will surely suffer, and your self-esteem will take a hit, too.

Some people are addicted to relationship drama, and it quickly becomes recognizable. As you notice the negative behavior, make a mental note of how often it occurs. If it has become a common occurrence, you might be experiencing toxic drama.

While a little bit of drama might be fun, having toxicity mixed in is never a good time. You might start picking fights with one another or looking for ways to put them down. If you notice these little things, you should watch for other behaviors that reveal toxic drama in a relationship, too.

Ten Behaviors Reveal Toxic Drama in a Relationship

Toxicity of any kind is detrimental to a couple, and it can cause the relationship to end messily.

1. They Shut You Out

If your partner shuts you out by giving you the silent treatment, it is a negative sign. A little silence after an argument is normal while everyone cools off, but if it continues for an extended length of time, it’s a sign of toxicity, instead. The silent treatment is toxic for your relationship and shows poor communication skills.

Even when you try to make amends, you are still ignored or treated indifferently. When this is a common occurrence, you might notice that it happens when you refuse to agree with them. It also might happen after a fight, especially if the argument was about their behavior.

2. Your Partner Acts Erratically

When someone is overdramatic and displays erratic behavior when they don’t get their way, it’s toxic. They might destroy your property by doing things like smashing or submerging your electronics in water. Another common instance of erratic behavior in a relationship is if they destroy something that you cherish.

Other signs of erratic behavior include frequent overdrinking or doing drugs. They might threaten to hurt themselves as a way of teaching you a lesson or convince you to give in to something. Or, they might rack up credit card debt or blow through money in their savings account.

3. Your Partner Won’t Take Responsibility

If your partner refuses to own up to things or admit that they are wrong, it is a red flag. They will often blame you for everything and constantly point out your flaws instead of worrying about their own. Plus, they will always have a reason why they couldn’t do something they were supposed to.

4. Jealousy Is an Issue

A little jealousy in a relationship is normal but, in toxic relationships, it goes beyond that. The jealousy issue could go both ways, too, with one of you trying to make the other jealous, knowing they will react.

If you feel like you are always in competition for your partner’s attention, it isn’t a good sign. When there is competition, it means that your partner is entertaining other people, too. You should be the one they focus on, so there should be no one to compete with.

Likewise, if you often try to make your partner jealous, it is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. It can cause your partner to feel insecure, angry, or fearful of the relationship ending.

Plus, if either of you is jealous of the other’s life achievements, it can be hard to overcome that. You should both be happy for one another when someone gets a promotion or achieves something.

5. Your Partner Overreacts Too Often

If someone in your relationship tends to overreact often, it’s a sign of toxic drama. They will raise their voice to get their way, devaluing the partnership you two have developed. It will leave the other partner feeling fearful of an explosion, causing them to avoid speaking up at all.

You might notice small things cause an over-the-top, negative reaction in the relationship. Something that wouldn’t usually matter becomes a big deal, and a fight breaks out.

6. You Don’t Have Much in Common

Relationships are tough enough as it is, but when you add in not having much in common, there’s not much hope. Your partner should have similar life plans, values, and interests to avoid unnecessary drama. You don’t have to have everything in common, but you should have enough to enjoy fun moments and connections.

7. You Fight in Public

When a couple fights in public, it is a sure sign of toxicity in the relationship. It is normal to become frustrated with your partner, but arguing in public is not normal, no matter what. Couples in healthy relationships respect themselves and their partner too much to behave in that way.

8. Your Partner Doesn’t Support You

If your partner doesn’t support your dreams and goals, it reveals toxicity. A partner should support what you want to do, and they should help you along the way. They should have your back through it all, and they will encourage you to work hard.

Toxic partners, on the other hand, will hold you back. They will suck the motivation out of you and convince you that it is okay to slack. Plus, they might even convince you that you can’t achieve your goals or that they aren’t worth the attempt.

9. They Cry to Win Every Argument

When someone cries because they are emotionally or physically hurt, it is normal and appropriate. Sometimes, people even cry if they are frustrated or overwhelmed. When your partner cries to win an argument, however, it is not healthy behavior.

A toxic person will cry if they did something wrong so that their partner isn’t as angry. They will even try to get their partner to feel bad for them, even if they were disloyal. Usually, however, a toxic person will use tears to get you to back down from a fair argument.

10. Your Partner is Disrespectful Toward You

Any disrespect in your relationship is a negative sign. If your partner will disrespect you, then it reveals toxic drama between the two of you.

A disrespectful partner is often dishonest by telling lies about where they are or who they are with. They might do this to avoid their partner or for other reasons. Either way, any lie is a sign of disrespect in your relationship.

Disrespectful people might also constantly be late, even if they know you don’t have much time. They will often claim to forget about important events in your life.

How to Stop Toxic Drama

If you want to stay with your partner, you must work on stopping the toxicity. No matter what point you are at in your relationship, you can make changes right now to make it healthier. As long as you are still together, it isn’t too late if you make the change right away.

First, you must both be respectful to one another. A relationship can’t be healthy unless there is respect from both partners in all regards. With respect, most other things will fall into line, making it an essential aspect to focus on in your relationship.

You can also try to change your perspective when you feel drama creeping in. No one has to be perfect or correct all of the time, and winning an argument isn’t worth sacrificing your relationship. Think of your relationship problems from a different perspective and see if things make more sense.

Another way to eliminate the toxicity from your relationship is by communicating effectively. Don’t belittle or manipulate one another. Instead, try to solve the problem together while staying calm, patient, and listening to one another.

Removing negative influences can save your relationship from toxic drama. If anyone close to you behaves in these ways, it could rub off on you or your partner. Studies show that this type of behavior is contagious, so eliminate the bad influences from your life.

Final Thoughts on the Erratic Behaviors That Reveal Toxic Drama in a Relationship

No matter the cause of the toxic drama in your relationship, it must end one way or another. It isn’t healthy for anyone involved, and it can destroy your relationship. Look for ways to make it better and start working on improving the toxicity in your relationships.

If you don’t find ways to fix the problem, it can cause intimacy issues and other unmanageable issues within your relationship. Start implementing healthier habits to save your relationship, or make the difficult decision to walk away. You have to do what is best for your well-being and the well-being of your partner.

Watch for these behaviors that reveal toxic drama to make sure you address any problems in your relationship. Dealing with the problem now will help you come up with a solution before things go any further.

5 Ways Keeping Secrets and Gossiping Causes Depression and Anxiety

October 1, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Secrets, gossip, lies, whispers… these are all things that most people know are a part of life. Even if you don’t actively participate in actions related to them, you’ve probably been in social circles where these issues crop up in subgroups. Maybe you’ve even been in an environment where such behavior runs rampant! And, of course, there’s a chance that you’ve personally been involved with keeping secrets or gossiping, too.

Many people view gossip as a harmless little thing, something that can be entertaining and bring groups of people together. While a little bit of gossip doesn’t have to be inherently harmful, for the most part, it can have negative implications for your mental health. The same goes for the act of keeping secrets, especially when they involve other people. But is it that harmful? Can keeping secrets and gossiping increase depression and anxiety?

1. You May Worry About Your Secrets Getting Out

It’s only natural – if you’re gossiping and keeping secrets. Surely it means you’re trying to hide something from someone. And while it may not seem like it at first glance, that sort of behavior will impact you in one way or another.

For example:

· Keeping Secrets Can Cause Guilt

It naturally leads to anxiety, which can lend itself to other harmful things like irritation, low moods, and constant worrying. You may also find yourself losing sleep over guilt, and your focus and concentration get eaten away as it churns in the back of your mind.

· It Can Cause So Much Stress That You Can’t Sleep

The physical and mental stress caused by keeping secrets may be what’s keeping you up at night. And with just how much of our mental and physical health is linked to a good night’s rest, developing sleeping disorders because of your secret burdens may only make things worse in the long run.

· It Can Make You So Anxious That Your Blood Pressure Increases

How it affects hormone levels like cortisol in the body can significantly impact your physical state. Some of the most common physiological manifestations of that mental burden include, but are not limited to high blood pressure, pains, and body aches.

2. Gossipers Are Perceived Negatively

You might think it can’t hurt. After all, being a part of the grapevine will make it easier for you to stay on top of the social politics whirling about you, right? What could go wrong with that? As it turns out, it can put your reputation at stake.

· You Become Less Liked

In the 2003 study Relational Ruin or Social Glue? The Joint Effect of Relationship Type and Gossip Valence on Liking, Trust, and Expertise, people disliked gossipers. It only makes sense – knowing that you are someone who engages in gossip will make those around you unable to trust you fully. This, as you can imagine, will directly affect your ability to build close and supportive relationships with those in your social circle.

· You Can’t Be Trusted

You might argue that this is going to be the case with negative gossip. But what if you spread around positive things instead? Perhaps it may even encourage your circle and make it easier for everyone to engage in positive thinking about each other! Unfortunately, the same study had shown that the gossiper is consistently rated less trustworthy with the participants – even when it was strictly positive.

· You Are Avoided

The same study has found out that you don’t have to be the gossiper directly to be negatively affected. Even being associated with a gossiper can make others view you as a co-conspirator. This results in you becoming socially isolated, as others avoid you to protect themselves.

Plenty of research has shown that being viewed negatively by your peers can have strong ill effects on your psyche. Some of those ill effects include increased levels of depression and anxiety. You can imagine, then, how being seen negatively as a gossiper will translate into a direct impact on your mental wellbeing!

3. Keeping Secrets Can Make You Feel Alone

It’s easy to think that keeping a secret is as simple as just not saying a word. A 2019 study named The Solitude of Secrecy: Thinking About Secrets Evokes Goal Conflict and Feelings of Fatigue has shown that in reality, there’s a lot more at play when you’re trying to keep quiet.

For example:

· You Feel Watched

So long as there’s this undercurrent fear of exposure and discovery, and your mind won’t stop racing. As a result, you may find yourself constantly hyperaware of everyone around you!

· You Feel Like A Liar

You can’t possibly reconcile what others think of you with what you think you are – not until you can come clean and face the music. Until then, you’ll likely feel like an imposter and a liar, no matter how many positive compliments you receive along the way. Just how are you supposed to practice positive thinking under these circumstances?

· You Become Tired

Ruminating and circling back around onto the same set of thoughts and secrets over and over again can be a severe mental drain. While you’re secretly preoccupied with something else, you’ll likely find your performance tanking as a result.

Our psyche requires close emotional support systems to be healthy and happy – something that we cannot achieve when we are holding on to secrets and concerned about being seen negatively by others. As a result, this can create – or exacerbate – any feelings of depression or anxiety you may have.

4. Gossiping Doesn’t Solve The Initial Problems Behind Why You Gossip

When we’re struggling with our mental health and sense of self, indulging in a bit of gossip can become tempting. Maybe it helps you feel better, or perhaps it gives you a sense of control and attention you crave. Either way, it’s easy to find yourself becoming addicted.

However, this isn’t an ideal long-term solution. So long as you try to make yourself feel better through these temporary balms, you won’t address the actual root cause of your poor mental health.

With that in mind, here are a few possibilities as to why you’re finding it so hard to wean yourself off gossiping – and how you can try tackling them directly!

· To Help You Feel Accepted

When the most common group activity is gossip, it’s tempting to follow suit so that you can fit in better. Instead of giving in to that peer pressure, try sharing some of your interests and hobbies instead. Maybe you’ll find someone with the same interests!

· To Put The Spotlight On You

It can be tempting to climb to the top of the social hierarchy with a few well-placed secrets or rumors that only you are privy to. In the long run, however, this isn’t healthy. Instead, try striking up a conversation with your colleague or peer and take a genuine interest in their discussions. You’ll quickly find that once you have proper relationships with those around you, you won’t have to fight for attention constantly!

· To Make Yourself Feel Better

You may be relieved knowing that someone else messed up worse than you did. You will highlight that to those around you, so you’ll seem better, by comparison. Also, it can feel like a great way to reinforce that emotion. Try offering encouragement and positive reinforcements instead. Not only is it healthier, but you may find yourself on the receiving end of such kind words one day!

· To Gain Some Form Of Social Power

There’s something incredibly addicting about being at the top of the social ladder, especially when you struggle with disempowerment in other ways. If you find yourself struggling with this, it’s essential to realize this will only make you enemies. Start by uplifting and supporting those around you instead of trying to push them back down.

· To Seek Revenge On Someone

Schadenfreude is an incredibly addictive feeling to have – especially when the source of it is from enacting revenge on someone who’s wronged you. In contrast, this is a highly compelling way to wrestle back power and prestige when you’ve lost it. In fact, it is not a healthy coping mechanism. Instead, it is better to have open, direct, and honest communication with someone who’s wronged you. Only then can you can resolve things as maturely as possible.

· To Fill Your Time

Sometimes, the only reason you have is that you’re bored and want to have a little more spice in your life. While it can be tempting to stir up some drama and watch sparks fly, remember that these situations can – and often will – turn around and bite you back. Taking up a new hobby, or researching something interesting, is a much better use of your time in these circumstances.

5. Living With And Thinking About Keeping Secrets Can Hurt

Even if we think it’s for the better, holding on to secrets can hurt us badly. It’s more likely that it isn’t the hiding that is the burden. Instead, it is having to live and constantly think about those secrets that can genuinely weigh you down.

· They Occupy Your Mind

In a study called The Experience of Secrecy, researchers noted that people’s minds tend to wander over to their secrets far more often than necessary.

· You Don’t Always Have To Hide It

When we have a secret we need to keep, we tend to be on the lookout for moments to conceal it actively. Realistically, however, you will hardly ever find the need to do so. All you’ll likely end up with is just more stress and anxiety as a result.

· They Affect Your Actions

There’s no denying it – those secrets you hold on to have an undeniable bearing on your actions and behavior. So long as you hold those secrets, you’ll find yourself constantly taking them into account in everything you do – even if the current task at hand has nothing to do with what you’re concealing from others around you.

Final Thoughts On How Gossiping And Keeping Secrets Can Increase Depression And Anxiety

Secrets and gossip aren’t good for you or your mental health. In general, a little bit of them can be okay, but you should stay clear of actions and behaviors that involve gossiping about others and keeping social secrets. Don’t be afraid to break out from social circles where these activities are everyday and find more positive spaces!

What Does Your October 2021 Horoscope Reveal According to Your Zodiac Sign?

October 1, 2021 by Linda Joyce

What’s your October 2021 horoscope? Astrologer Linda Joyce reveals what’s in store for you based on your zodiac sign.

October 2021 begins with the Sun and Mars conjunct – a combination that provides an extra dose of energy, something we all need. If you’ve felt held back, this is the time to set your goals and see yourself where you want to be. Things are starting to move. Mercury trine Jupiter brings wisdom and the ability to expand through new ideas. Whatever you do, don’t let fear take the lead. Mercury is retrograde and goes direct on the 19th at 10 degrees of Libra. October will challenge your relationships and your truth.

So don’t be surprised if love from your past has reemerged. Retrogrades are all the past, not the future. It’s a great time to complete old projects or clean out your desk or closet.

The Full Moon in Aries on the 20th may alter the vision you had as to where you were going. If we can depend on anything now, it’s change. Don’t rely on what you thought your life was, be present in the now and adjust. What’s important to you may have changed. Do you feel confused? Then take some time to decide. This is a crazy month with three significant planets going direct within days of each other. Pluto goes direct on the 7th, Saturn on the 11th, and Jupiter on the 18th. Whatever you do, don’t book important meetings on those days – too much chaos. The Sun trine Saturn provides some support.

There is a strong sense of what needs to get done and in what order. Stay centered, and don’t let others influence you. Neptune trine Venus keeps your imagination strong and the desire to connect with others essential. This month will reward those who are not afraid of taking a risk. Listen to your instincts and go for what you want. If you do, the results may surprise you.

October 2021 Horoscope for Aries (March 21st – April 20th)

Aries love being out front and first. You are the visionaries of the universe. With Mars conjunct the Sun in Libra, you’re defining your truth and separating those who are with you from those who are not. It’s important to know who you can depend on. The challenge of life is to listen to your truth and stand by it. Never put aside your beliefs for those of others. Mercury goes direct on the 19th in Libra, your house of relationships.

Don’t be surprised if someone from your past resurfaces and contacts you. Retrogrades are when old issues get resolved, or we see the past in a new light. Saturn, Pluto, and Jupiter go direct this month within days of each other, making life a bit chaotic. You won’t feel in control of what’s going on, so don’t hold on. Let things flow. You’ll have your chance to make things happen, but only after the planets are all repositioned on the 18th. Be prepared for a month of shifts and changes.

Jupiter in Aquarius brings you new friends and a chance to express your individuality in a way you haven’t in the past. Coming into your truth is a significant shift towards greater power. Own who you are, and the world pays attention. The Full Moon on the 20th in your sign brings personal issues to a head. Pay attention to the challenge that arises. There is truth in what’s revealed.

If you’re in a relationship, your partner may need space to get their life together. We’re all reorganizing ourselves, and patience is necessary. If you’re single, you may be too idealistic or needy to make a good decision, mainly when it deals with love. Have patience, and you’ll get what you want.

October 2021 Horoscope for Taurus (April 21st – May 20th)

Taurus knows how to get into trouble faster than any other sign. It’s the shadow that fascinates you, which also represents the unknown. This is a talent when you are cautious and discriminating. When you follow your desires without using common sense, it leads to trouble. Self-control brings you the magic. Add the ability to express the depth of your feelings and wisdom. Then others look up to you. Have confidence and listen to both your heart and mind.

Mercury has been retrograde and goes direct on the 19th in Libra, or your 6th house of work. You may have to concentrate on what’s not finished. That’s what retrogrades do. They get things done–think of those tasks that have been on your desk forever. With three planets going direct this month: Pluto on the 7th, Saturn on the 11th, and Jupiter on the 18th, there will be a bumpy road. When a significant planet goes direct or retrograde, there is often chaos because nothing happens the way you’ve planned.

The Full Moon in Aries on the 27th sparks your unconscious, so be ready to be surprised. With Venus, your ruler, in square to Neptune the first week of the month, your common sense is not working – you’re living too much in your fantasies, at least for a week. If you have serious decisions to make, postpone them until after the 9th.

If you’re in a relationship, your partner is a bit isolated, they want their privacy, and they want attention. Don’t get invested in making them happy for now. It’s not possible. If you’re single, it will be challenging to meet new people this month. Enjoy your friends and remind yourself everything happens at the right time.

October 2021 Horoscope for Gemini (May 21st – June 20th)

Gemini is a sign of diversity and the desire to experiment with new ideas. You can quickly get bored. If you’re not busy, you lose interest in whatever is going on. The danger is the loss of quiet time. Everyone needs a few moments to turn inward and listen to themselves. Otherwise, your life is directed entirely by the outer world and now what lies in your heart and soul. Saturn square Uranus is changing the structure of your life as well as your ideals.

You can’t rely on what was, create a new safety zone and rethink what turns you on. Neptune rules your 10th house of career, and so faith is essential to your success. The more you are clear on what you want, the easier it is to get it. With Mercury, your ruler is retrograde until the 19th. Go with the flow and realize not everything will turn out the way you’ve planned. However, once Mercury goes direct, you’ll be able to know what to expect and what you can count on.

With three significant planets going direct this month, there’s a certain amount of chaos that happens around the day each of them changes directions. Pluto goes direct on the 7th, Saturn on the 11th, and Jupiter on the 18th, so avoid making important decisions or scheduling meetings on those days. The Full Moon in Aries on the 27th happens in your 11th house of friends and clubs. There’s a chance someone close to you will be in a crisis. Be supportive.

If you’re in a relationship, your partner will not have their feet on the ground. There are issues to solve, and they’ll find their way. Just get out of their way and let them do it. If you’re single, you will have trouble connecting to someone you want to. Don’t push –let go. There’s a suitable time for everything.

October 2021 Zodiac for Cancer (June 21st – July 22nd)

Cancers don’t express themselves with words. Their emotions translate into creative endeavors. The Moon, your ruler, is in a constant state of change, and so it’s vital that you identify with that part of you that never changes, your spirit, which is always with you. With the Sun in Libra conjunct Mars, you feel energized, confident, and eager to get things done.

With Venus in Scorpio, you see more clearly exactly what is happening and what needs to get done. Clarity is a gift of the gods, so don’t dismiss it – use it. Venus trine Neptune adds faith and confidence to your aura, so take that risk, start that project, or change your job. You can do whatever you set your mind to, but you must believe.

The Full Moon in Aries on the 20th and your 11th house brings relationships with friends to your attention. If a friend is in need, give your emotional support, and they’ll never forget it. With three significant planets going direct in October, there will be breakthroughs along with chaos, so don’t count on much happening the way you have planned. Pluto stations direct on the 7th, Saturn on the 11th, and Jupiter on the 18th. Circle those dates and leave them free. Mercury went retrograde last month and went direct on the 18th, the same day Jupiter goes direct. Things will start moving quickly, so prepare yourself for it. Know what needs to be done, and have items in order. It will feel good after all the restraint you have to demand of yourself.

If you’re in a relationship, your partner may not be the best communicator at the moment, so have patience. If you’re single, you could meet someone in all the chaos, but it’s up to you to recognize if it’s worth your patience and the chase.

October 2021 Horoscope for Leo (July 23rd – August 22nd)

Leos are attention getters. They know how to be center stage. Their ruler, the Sun, is, after all, the center of our universe, so of course, they’re comfortable in this position. With the Sun in Libra conjunct Mars in your third house, communication is vital, and so are your opinions. There’s no way you’re not going to be heard. So, if you need others to listen to you, now is the time to speak up. Mercury goes direct on the 19th in Libra, and old issues can now be cleared up.

Financial matters may also improve. Uranus is still square Saturn making career and relationships challenging – only because they’re changing and not stable. It will continue this way for a few more months before it’s resolved. Your mission is to remain centered in yourself and not let the instability of the world around you throw you off your center. You will be fine, but you need to come from a place of faith.

The Full Moon on the 20th at 27 degrees of Aries makes a square to Pluto in your 6th house of work. Your goals are changing, and you may have to adjust to get what you want. With three significant planets going direct within days of each other, this month will be chaotic, so getting things done can be an issue. Pluto goes direct on the 7th, Saturn on the 11th, and Jupiter on the 18th. Mark those days and don’t book anything important. It doesn’t mean you won’t get what you want. However, it won’t happen without changes and confusion.

If you’re in a relationship, things are going well on the surface, but some significant changes are going on at a deeper level. Pay attention. If you’re single, it’s an excellent time to meet new people, but moving forward quickly will be a problem. Your patience will pay off.

October 2021 Horoscope for Virgo (August 23rd – September 22nd)

Virgos, ruled by Mercury, will be happy to know that it goes direct on the 19th in Libra. Life begins to move forward without as many obstacles. You share your ruler with Gemini, and as mutable signs, change is part of your daily life.

With the Sun conjunct Mars in your second house, trine Saturn, there is an opportunity regarding your finances. To embrace what is offered requires a leap of faith, and yes, you’ll have to let go of the control – not something any Virgo wants to do. Faith is necessary because Neptune is strong and makes a trine to Venus, ruler of your house of money. You have ideas and dreams and these ideas that can bring you a reward, but you must come out of your comfort zone. It’s a chaotic month with three significant planets going direct within days of each other: Pluto on the 7th, Saturn on the 11th, and Jupiter on the 18th. Try not to book anything important on these days.

There is often change or chaos when major planets change signs, so be prepared. Uranus continues to square Saturn, and the boundaries we have lived with for so long are being challenged. As with all change, some is good, and some causes frustration and the need to adapt. Fight for what you believe in. The Full Moon on the 20th in Aries and your 8th house may push you to look at the opportunities before you with new eyes. This is the house of transformation, so pay attention to what is revealed around this time.

If you’re in a relationship, your partner is in feeling connected and good. If you’re single, it is an excellent time to meet someone new. Open yourself up to the experience, and you might be surprised.

October 2021 Zodiac for Libra (September 23rd – October 22nd)

Happy birthday, Libras. With the Sun, Mars, and Mercury, in Libra and trine Saturn, you have an open the door to tackle restructuring your life — if you so choose. Neptune trine Venus, your ruler, connects you to your spirit and ideals. This gives you inner power and a desire to make things happen. Jupiter trine Mercury makes communication informative and necessary. You have great ideas, and you should share them. They will help you get ahead.

Uranus square Saturn continues the transformation of the basic structures of your life. We all rely on specific patterns and habits, and they create a sense of security, but now you must update them. Let go of the past and embrace the new. Mercury goes direct on the 19th in your sign Libra. Doors will open, and some of the blocks you have faced will be removed. Be prepared to advance.

This month has a few crazy days as three significant planets go direct. Make sure you don’t book important meetings on them. Pluto goes direct on the 7th, Saturn on the 11th, and Jupiter on the 18th. Once they’re all direct, everything happens with ease. With Mars conjunct the Sun in your sign, motivation is not your problem. This is a month when you can advance. Mars adds extra drive and vision to help you focus. The Full Moon on the 20th, in Aries, brings relationship issues to a head. Whatever comes up — deal with it.

If you’re in a relationship, it’s time to get rid of old issues, so pay attention. If you’re single, you’re on fire, and others are attracted to you. Meet as many new people as you can. That special person could be one of them.

October 2021 Zodiac for Scorpio (October 23rd – November 21st)

Scorpio rules transformation, and so your life always brings you to a precipice where you must look deeper into yourself and hopefully make changes. It’s a gift and curse because most souls avoid facing themselves. It’s much easier just to repeat the past and not change. The truth is, those who find the courage to go deeper into what makes them tick live more productive lives. You are the sign of power, and that power comes from within.

No one is going to tell you what to do or how to think. With Jupiter trine Mercury, communication is good, and if you need to contact someone in a high position, this is the month to do so. They’ll listen. With Mars conjunct the Sun in Libra, in your 12th house, you feel firm but not in control. Your power comes from how you respond to what happens, but you have no control over what comes your way. The 12th house represents the unconscious.

Mercury goes direct on the 19th, and things begin to move forward. Three major planets join Mercury and go direct very close to each other, creating movement and chaos. Pluto goes direct on the 7th, Saturn on the 11th, and Jupiter on the 18th. Don’t book important meetings on these days – too chaotic. With Saturn square Uranus your home life is and has been unsettled. It’s not new to you, so make it work. Change opens doors, and for a big part of the month, others are not paying attention. You can get away with a great deal.

If you’re in a relationship, the basic structure of your relationship is in review. Make the changes. You’re both different people than you were when you came together. If you’re single, it’s a great time for excitement but not stability, so have fun.

October 2021 Horoscope for Sagittarius (November 22nd – December 21st)

Sagittarius is the sign of travel and high ideals. You lift yourself above the masses by aligning yourself with something beyond your reach. Striving for something lofty keeps you centered and wise. With your ruler, Jupiter, in trine to Mercury, communication and your career should be doing well. Venus trine Neptune increases an inner yearning for spirituality and enhances your intuition and creativity.

If you’re working on a creative project, this is an excellent time to finish it or improve your original ideas. With Uranus in your 6th house of work, nothing is the same. You had to adapt to whatever has been going on and get the job done. With Saturn and Jupiter in Aquarius, communication is strong and vital. Letting others know who you are and how you feel is necessary for success. Mercury has been retrograde and goes direct on the 19th. Projects and ideas can finally move forward.

Three major planets also go direct around the same time: Pluto on the 7th, Saturn on the 11th, and Jupiter on the 18th. Try not to schedule any important meetings on those days. They will be chaotic. The Full Moon happens in your 5th house of authority on the 20th in Aries. Others may challenge this, so keep your center and don’t let anyone push you around. Uranus square Saturn affects your finances. This square has been happening for a while, and it may cause you to make changes with your investments.

If you’re in a relationship, things should be good. The trine from Jupiter to Mercury has your partner feeling strong and optimistic. If you’re single, it’s a great time to meet someone around where you live. Keep your eyes open.

October 2021 Zodiac for Capricorn (December 22nd – January 19th)

Capricorns have a knack for business. They strive to reach the top of whatever they’ve chosen to do. With your ruler, Saturn, in the 2nd house of finance, your focus is on your paycheck and how you can improve it. Jupiter adds something good to your 2nd house — abundance and expansion, so don’t worry. An added blessing is the trine Jupiter makes to Venus and Mercury, improving opportunity and communication. This could be a lucrative month.

Mercury in your 10th house of career will keep you busy and connect to others essential to your success. Saturn, the planet of authority, is square Uranus, and change will happen with or without your consent. Make the necessary adjustments but don’t let anyone push you around. It’s important not to let others dominate you. Hold your own. Mercury goes direct on the 19th, and projects and ideas move forward. You could feel suddenly overwhelmed because everything comes together at the same time.

You get help when three major planets also go direct and all around the same time. Pluto goes direct on the 7th, Saturn on the 11th, and Jupiter on the 18th. Don’t book any crucial meetings on these days if you can help it. Prepare for changes and chaos. The Full Moon happens on the 20th in Aries, and it falls in your 4th house of the home. Something you’ve ignored or someone you’re living with has an issue that will need your attention.

If you’re in a relationship, you’re feeling connected and essential in that person’s life. If you’re single, meeting others is always a bit challenging. There’s a shy part of you tend to overprotect. However, if you want to get what you want, it’s essential to take a risk.

October 2021 Horoscope for Aquarius (January 20th – February 18th)

Aquarius is a sign of individuality and freedom. With Saturn and Jupiter in your character, you are pulled in two directions: Saturn requires limits and boundaries, and Jupiter is all about expansion and abundance. Saturn rules your 12th house of spirituality and the unconscious so limits will be imposed through the created situations. They are there for a reason.

Jupiter trine Mercury improves communication and the expression of new ideas and possibilities. Uranus square Saturn challenges you to accept the changes you have no control over. It’s essential to adjust and create new boundaries and remind yourself they don’t have to be perfect because they will change again. Neptune trine Venus helps you believe in the dream and what is possible in your career and goals. Mercury goes direct on the 18th, and the projects and ideas you put on hold can now move forward.

All the confusion from the past begins to clear up. Three major planets also go direct and create chaos as they change directions—Pluto stations direct on the 7th, Saturn on the 11th, and Jupiter on the 18th. Try not to book any crucial meetings on these days – there will be chaos and changes. The Full Moon in Aries on the 20th emphasizes communication and your environment. Pay attention to what arises around this time — It will need your attention.

If you’re in a relationship, things should be good with your partner. They energize you and help in accomplishing things. If you’re single, it’s an excellent time to either advance a present relationship or meet someone new.

October 2021 Zodiac for Pisces (February 19th – March 20th)

Pisces is both creative and intuitive. Yes, they know how to listen to themselves and follow their feelings. If that’s not you, then you’re probably controlling, and that’s an exhausting choice. What you don’t want to be is a victim. This is a sign that demands you stand at the helm of your life. Don’t give your power away. If you do, it won’t make you happy. Make your choices and learn from them.

With Jupiter in Aquarius, you are feeling stronger from within. If you need to make any changes, now is the time. Neptune trine Venus adds to your confidence. You are in touch with your inner voice and need to listen to it. Mercury goes direct on the 19th in Libra, ruler of your 9th house of education and ideals. The blocks that have stopped some of your efforts in the past should begin to disappear. It’s time to advance with confidence.

This month, three major planets are also going direct: Pluto on the 7th, Saturn on the 11th, and Jupiter on the 18th. It would be wise not to schedule any important meetings on these days; too many changes. The Full Moon in Aries on the 20th brings your finances to a head. Pay attention to the issues that arise, for they need your attention.

If you’re in a relationship, things should be good as well as challenging. Your partner feels strong, and that’s a plus unless they use it to try and control you against your will. If you’re single, it’s a great time to meet someone new or take an existing relationship and make it more solid. If you’re ready for something serious, you can have it. Your greatest challenge, as always, is to trust your intuition and yourself.

This Woman’s Inspirational Body Transformation Will Help You Get Fit

September 30, 2021 by Kristen Lawrence

Jerdella Davis went on a life-changing journey to get fit and start feeling better. She totally transformed her body and mind with fitness. She hopes to inspire others to do the same with her uplifting posts on social media.

Jerdella’s made huge strides on her journey in the past few years. She even completed her first 5k race a couple of days ago! It took her a while to get to that moment, but she wouldn’t change a thing. For her, it’s been a long, hard battle, but she’s learned so much along the way.

Working out hasn’t only improved her mental health; she’s also seen positive changes in her stamina. In the beginning, however, she faced a lot of challenges. To get fit, she knew she’d have to push through the pain to become stronger.

“I had high blood pressure, I had a whole lot of chest pains, I wasn’t able to workout without being really tired, I used to get a lot of cramps, and it was really frustrating.”

While she did lose weight in the beginning, having weight loss surgery really helped speed things up.

“I’ve been on a fitness journey for over 3 or 4 years. But, it didn’t actually kick off until I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy, which is a form of weight loss surgery, on July 22, 2019,” Jerdella explained. “My starting weight was 334.2 pounds; currently, I’m at 258 pounds. I have a goal weight of getting below 199, so I still have 60 more pounds that I want to lose before I’ll be satisfied.”

According to her Instagram, she’s lost even more weight since the interview. She now weighs 242 pounds, so she’s down another 16 pounds. Jerdella’s getting even closer to her goal, which gives her more motivation to keep going.

To get fit, Jerdella went at her own pace.

In the beginning, she decided to go slowly until she got used to working out. As they say, slow and steady wins the race, and her patience to get fit has paid off.

“Some of the things I first started doing when I started losing weight was I made myself a plan of how am I going to lose weight in certain months that I need to lose by certain dates. You know, I started out walking and doing easy stuff that I could do,” she said.

“I would walk around town so I would have more scenery versus just walking on a treadmill. It was really hard at the beginning because when you don’t see results, it can be a little frustrating, but you have to push through it.”

After she got accustomed to moving her body, Jerdella decided to challenge herself more. Some days, she ended up pushing herself too hard, so she had to keep her fitness level in mind. However, she still felt proud of her progress, even if she couldn’t accomplish certain things yet.

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A post shared by Jerdella D (@kickingitwithjd)

“One of the major obstacles that I faced is that, in my mind, I thought I was more healthy than what I was,” Jerdella says. “So, when I would go to the gym and try to do certain routines and stuff, and I couldn’t do them, it made me feel like a failure. But, once I realized that you have to start somewhere, you know, the rest is history.”

Jerdella didn’t want to stick with one type of workout. She combined several different exercises to keep things interesting and tone her whole body.

Dance classes helped Jerdella stay focused and have fun working out

“I do a lot of mixed fit and cardio; I’m starting to get into weight training, so I try to mix it up and not just focus on one muscle group.”

Mixed fit workouts combine explosive dance movements with bodyweight toning. Lori Torres came up with the program in 2013 and hired an instructor at one location. Now, the program spans across the globe with over 1,500 locations.

It offers people a fun, unique workout with easy-to-follow choreography and effective bodyweight exercises. They play all types of music, ranging from hip-hop to pop to Reggae and more. Think Zumba, but with bodyweight exercises and a wider variety of music.

So, Jerdella enjoys taking these classes from time to time, along with her other exercise routines. Dance classes offer a wonderful way to lose weight because it doesn’t even feel like a workout! Sure, you’ll work up a sweat, but it’s more like being in a nightclub than a gym!

Things to keep in mind if you’re trying to lose weight:

Do workouts that you enjoy. Just as Jerdella’s cup of tea was Mixed Fit dance classes, you have to find what works for you. It’s much easier to stick with working out when you look forward to it.
Don’t expect to see huge changes overnight. It takes time for your body to adjust to working out. It may take three months or longer to see the results, but it’s worth it!
Avoid restrictive diets. When you eliminate entire food groups from your diet, your body will crave those foods even more. Try to eat a balanced diet, and remember to treat yourself occasionally! You shouldn’t ever look at losing weight as a form of punishment.

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A post shared by Jerdella D (@kickingitwithjd)

Final thoughts on a woman’s inspirational body transformation that will motivate you to get fit

Jerdella went from weighing 334 pounds at her highest to her current weight of 242 pounds. She’s lost almost 100 pounds since her weight loss surgery, and she isn’t done yet. She hopes to lose about 40 more pounds, and it seems like she’s well on her way to achieving her goal.

Jerdella reminds us that getting fit doesn’t have to feel like boot camp. It’s important to find workouts you enjoy and stay consistent. You’ll get results in time because hard work always pays off. If you want to get fit, keep this wonderful advice from Jerdella in mind:

“What keeps me motivated through the process is doing it for me. If you can’t find motivation in anybody else, be your own motivation. That’s what helps me get through my process and keep striving to get to my goal.”

Attentive Listening Improves Teen Behaviors, According to Study

September 30, 2021 by Kristen Lawrence

In today’s fast-paced world, how often do we practice attentive listening? Usually, the words of our loved ones, friends, and colleagues go in one ear and out the other. Most of us don’t do this intentionally; we may have a million different thoughts at that moment, making it hard to pay attention.

However, it’s hurtful for the speaker when it seems like the other person isn’t engaged in the conversation. Especially for children and teenagers, it’s vital for them to feel heard by their parents and peers. A recent study found that engaged techniques like attentive listening help teenagers open up more. Eye contact, nodding and using words to praise openness also help improve teen behaviors.

If your teenager feels comfortable sharing their lives with you, it’s easier for them to admit poor behavior. It also makes them more likely to open up if they feel hurt or betrayed by someone in their life. If they’re not coming to you with problems, it may mean they’re feeling neglected or ignored.

About the Study

The study by University of Reading and Haifa researchers involved 1,001 teenagers aged 13 to 16. The team asked them to observe a staged conversation between a parent and teenager regarding a difficult situation. The discussion was repeated in various scenarios, where the parent adopted different body language and listening behaviors.

The participants who watched the versions where the parent practiced attentive listening shared positive feedback. They said that they would’ve had more confidence as a teenager and would have felt more comfortable opening up in the future.

The study is the first of its kind to analyze attentive listening in isolation from other parenting techniques. The research shows that teens feel more confident and connected with parents who make more effort to communicate. The study was published in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology on June 2, 2021.

How attentive listening helps improve teen behaviors and confidence

Many times, teenagers act out because they’re hurting inside. Whether they’re having problems at home or in school, they need to have a support system. If they don’t have an outlet for their feelings, they may release them in unhealthy ways.

Studies have shown that teens who engage in risky behaviors like smoking and drinking usually have problems at home. Similar findings have been discovered with teens who act out violently or who have mental disorders. Without a stable support system, the teen may feel they don’t have a solid foundation. This can lead to angry outbursts and other maladaptive behaviors in some cases.

Dr. Netta Weinstein, associate professor in clinical and social psychology at the University of Reading, who co-led the study, said:

“We all know that listening to someone talk about their problems is an effective way of reassuring them and establishing a connection. However, until now there has been little thought given to the quality of that listening, and the difference that makes. This study shows that in parent-teenager relationships, quietly listening to a teenager while showing them they are valued and appreciated for their honesty has a powerful effect on their willingness to open up.”

The study included roughly equal numbers of male and female teens, with three identifying as another gender. The team found that almost all participants regarded attentive listening as necessary.

In the first video conversation, a teenage boy admitted to his mother that he’d tried vaping and felt ashamed. While in the second scenario, the boy reveals to his mom that his peers rejected him after he’d refused to vape. In this situation, he told her he felt hurt by their reaction.

Both scenarios included two versions of parental behaviors. In the first, the parent practiced attentive listening. In another, they appeared more distracted and had less eye contact with the teenager.

Dr. Weinstein said: “With such a large group of participants, it is reassuring to see that active listening was universally beneficial across these years of adolescence.

“The study has some important implications for teenage wellbeing as well. The participants said that the good listening model observed in the videos would lead to better wellbeing. Although we don’t know how often the expectations meet reality, it’s clear that active listening is more likely to lead to a good outcome for teenagers than the more passive style we tested it against.”

Other benefits of attentive listening for teens

Children and teens model their parents’ behavior, so it’s essential to keep this in mind. Children especially pick up everything from their environment like a sponge. So, if you’re constantly fighting with your spouse or not showing them much attention, the kids will likely mimic this behavior. On the other hand, if you’re expressing love and genuine concern for your spouse, the children will receive positive feedback from their environment.

As they grow up and become teenagers, a positive relationship with you does wonders for their mental health. Teens experience many life changes as they mature, and they will probably have friend and relationship drama at some point. During this turbulent time in their life, they need to have someone on their side who they can trust. If you practice attentive listening and non-judgment with them, they’ll feel more comfortable opening up to you.

As a result, they’ll feel more confident in their skin and better handle problems that come their way. Plus, your teen will experience the benefits of attentive listening firsthand. This advantage means they’ll likely carry over the behaviors into their personal life, which will benefit their peers as well.

Final thoughts on the study showing how attentive listening improves teen behaviors

It’s not always easy to give someone your full attention. Most of us have a zillion things going on and have a hard time focusing on a conversation. However, if you have children, they benefit significantly from active listening without distractions. The study above shows that teens especially show improvements when their parents make more effort to engage.

If you have a teen who acts out or hides in their room for hours, give active listening a try. It may bring out a whole new side to your teenager that you’ve never seen before.

20 Mantras to Help You Stop Pleasing Other People and Put Yourself First

September 30, 2021 by Sarah Barkley

You might think that pleasing other people makes you seem kind and sweet, but it is more complex than that. Being a people-pleaser can harm your mental health and hold you back in life. While pleasing other people might be your automatic response in most situations, changing that mindset is essential.

When you’re always trying to please others, you put yourself and your desires last. Not only does this not leave much time for letting loose, but it also hinders your personal growth and purpose. Plus, you can’t benefit those around you if you aren’t taking care of yourself.

Sometimes, your desire to please other people stems from not wanting to see others struggle. It could also be that you don’t want to disappoint others. These issues sometimes develop as a reaction to traumatic life experiences.

Twenty Mantras That Help You Stop Pleasing Other People

If you constantly put other people’s needs before yours, you negatively impact your life and the life of those around you. Find a balance, or you’ll experience unhappiness and lack of fulfillment. These mantras can help you stop focusing on pleasing other people and shift that focus to yourself.

1. I live for myself, not to fulfill other people’s desires and expectations.

When you live for yourself, you can meet all of your needs and fulfill your desires. Use this mantra to remind you of that when you face the urge to please others instead. You don’t have to live your life for others, so prioritizing self-love and self-care can be your priority.

2. I can’t take care of others if I don’t take care of myself first.

If you aren’t taking care of yourself, you won’t have much to give others. Take care of yourself first, and then you can consider helping others as long as it doesn’t negatively affect you. If you don’t take care of yourself, you will experience an imbalance and won’t adequately handle things.

Working on not pleasing other people can help you prioritize yourself. Then, when there’s something you want to do or someone you want to help, you will be prepared.

3. It is not selfish for me to stop pleasing others and take care of myself instead.

Many people-pleasers think that it’s selfish if they say no to other people sometimes. However, saying no doesn’t make you selfish because selflessness requires that you are happy and healthy. Take care of yourself and focus on fulfillment in your life, then continue your selfless way of helping others.

You can’t do as much or perform as effectively if you are feeling empty. If you are unhealthy, burnt-out, or neglecting yourself, things won’t go as planned. Remember this the next time you feel selfish for putting yourself first.

4. If I live my life pleasing others, I give them the things that I need.

Anytime you put someone else before you, you are giving away things that you need. Whether it is time, energy, or choices, you are letting your needs and desires fall to the bottom of the list. Don’t sacrifice yourself for others because it prevents you from getting what you need.

5. I must put myself and my needs first so that my world doesn’t crumble.

If you don’t put yourself first, your life could fall apart. By giving so much to others, you don’t allow yourself to keep your life in line. You might lose energy or sink into a depression, affecting all areas of your life.

If you continue pleasing other people instead of putting yourself first, it can cause serious issues. It can affect your career, relationships, well-being, and mental health. Plus, it can eliminate boundaries and allow people to think they can do or say anything to you.

6. I am not letting the needs of others disrupt my peace.

When people need or want something from you, consider if it will disrupt your peace. If you do things that disrupt your mental well-being, it can cause resentment and unhappiness. Plus, it isn’t sustainable long-term.

When you put your needs first in these instances, it allows you to meet your needs. Meeting your needs and considering your desires will improve your life rather than disrupt your peace. Use this mantra to help you find happiness, joy, love, and healthy relationships.

7. I can only find myself if I stop working to please others.

No matter how old you are, work on finding yourself. You’re constantly changing, so your mindset, desires, and needs change, too. If you always please other people, you won’t find yourself or identify your reality.

8. Even if I say no, it is not my fault someone else is unhappy.

You are not responsible for the happiness of others, no matter what they try to tell you. If they get upset or angry because you can’t put them first all of the time, don’t feel bad. You are allowed to say no, and anyone okay with that might not want what is best for you.

9. I recognize the importance of self-care, and I prioritize it.

If you ever forget the importance of self-care, repeat this mantra until you reaffirm it in your mind. Taking care of yourself must be a priority in your life. Spend time working out, sleeping, meditating, relaxing, or whatever else helps you recover from the stress of life.

10. When I take care of myself, I am spreading love throughout the world.

As explained before, taking care of yourself is not selfish. When you take care of yourself, it spreads love to everyone around you. It allows you to be your best and act with kindness as you interact with others.

11. Saying no respectfully and kindly will help me prioritize myself without feeling bad.

Don’t avoid answering someone when they ask for something, or you’ll feel bad later. Instead, respectfully and kindly tell the person that you can’t help out. When you do it this way, you’ll feel relieved once it’s over, and you won’t have to live with the guilt.

If you’re open and honest with the person, they likely won’t be mad or upset that you couldn’t help. Ignoring it or being rude when you say no could cause tension, however. If you tell them respectfully and they are mad, remember that their happiness isn’t on you.

12. I can forge a unique path if I stop pleasing others and focus on my desires.

You can’t live your life for yourself if you always please other people. Following your path is only possible when you live for yourself and stop focusing on other people. Put yourself first and see where life leads you next.

13. I am not responsible for the feelings of anyone except myself.

Don’t hold yourself accountable for anyone else’s feelings. If you ever worry that saying no will make someone upset, you must repeat this mantra. You have to put yourself first even if the other person doesn’t take it well.

Many people want to please others to prevent them from being unhappy. When you live life this way, you’re always working to make others happy when that isn’t your responsibility. Focus on yourself first because your feelings are the only ones you are responsible for.

14. I am going to focus on the things that matter most to me.

Please make a list of the most important things to you, and then put them in order of importance. Then, make it a priority to focus on those things and ensure you have the time and energy for them. When you focus on the things that matter the most, you will feel happy and fulfilled even if you don’t please others.

15. I will not be a prisoner to others, and I am not seeking their approval.

When you focus your life on pleasing other people, you become a prisoner to them. You spend so much time doing things for other people that you never do what you want to or need to. Use this mantra to remind yourself that you don’t want to be a prisoner to others and that their approval doesn’t matter.

16. I am responsible for making decisions in my life.

When you live to please others, you don’t get to make the decisions for your life. You will live your life for others rather than for yourself. If you aren’t making the choices for yourself, someone else will make them, and you likely won’t feel fulfilled or happy.

17. I focus on my life path rather than approval from others.

Focus on your goals, desires, and values as you go through life. When you do this, it’ll help you continue on your life path rather than taking detours for others. Don’t worry about the approval of others as you focus on your journey because they aren’t the ones living your life.

18. I am focused on improving my self-respect.

People pleasers tend to suffer from a lack of self-respect. Since they spend so much time making other people happy, they begin to have negative thoughts and feelings about themselves. Use this mantra as a reminder to put yourself first and experience an improvement in your self-respect.

19. I know that those who ask me to give all of myself to them are not worth pleasing.

Anyone in your life that wants you to sacrifice your needs and desires isn’t worth the time or effort. The people that care about you will want you to put yourself first before helping them or anyone else. Use this mantra to remind yourself of your worth and what you deserve from others.

20. When I value myself, I attract valuable people and things.

Putting yourself first will help you attract valuable things and people in your life. With good people in your life, you won’t have to worry about being a people pleaser as much anymore. Valuable people understand that you must prioritize yourself, and they’ll never guilt you for doing so.

Final Thoughts on Mantras That Help Stop Pleasing Other People and Put Yourself First

While helping others is a selfless act, there comes a time when it becomes too much. You shouldn’t constantly put other people before yourself, or you’ll suffer negative consequences. Instead, work on stopping pleasing other people so that you can live a fulfilling and happy life.

It might be a struggle to shift your mindset at first, so remember these mantras to help you. Once you make putting yourself first a habit, you won’t struggle to please others as often. Your journey won’t be perfect, but these mantras can help remind you of what’s most important.

20 Mantras That Can Empower You to Be a Better Listener

September 29, 2021 by Sarah Barkley

Being a good listener is an essential life skill that can help you in your professional and personal life. Developing this talent takes dedication, patience, and lots of practice, but it’s worth the effort. As a better listener, people will trust you and know that they can depend on you.

Listening can be just as powerful as speaking. What the other person has to say is of equal importance as what you want to say. Recognize that your viewpoint isn’t the only one and that you aren’t the only one with something to say helps you develop this mindset.

When you become a good listener, it saves you time and effort as you make fewer mistakes. You will experience fewer misunderstandings, helping you to get things right the first time around. Plus, you won’t have to go back for further clarification after you’ve started on something.

Twenty Mantras That Empower You to Be a Better Listener

Becoming a better listener is also a sign of respect for others. Your relationships will improve, and you’ll begin to learn more about the people around you. These mantras will quickly empower you to become a good listener.

1. I am a good listener, and I respond appropriately when talking to others.

By telling yourself that you are a good listener, you will naturally become one. You’ll consciously focus on the other person when they are speaking, helping you to respond appropriately. The more often you repeat this mantra, the sooner you will develop this beneficial habit.

2. I pay attention even when I have other things I need to do.

When you have quite a few things to do, it’s easy to become distracted by your thoughts. If you’re often guilty of this, use this mantra to help you get past it. Even when you have other things to do, you should still be an excellent listener to the people around you.

3. I respect what other people say, even if it doesn’t align with my views.

Everyone has different opinions and values, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen. Be respectful of everyone, and hear them out, even if it doesn’t align with your beliefs.

By being a good listener, you’ll begin to understand their point of view a little more. Understanding them doesn’t mean you will change your ideas, but it means you’ll be more tolerant of other people’s opinions. Plus, you’ll learn more about the world around you when you listen to people with differing views.

4. I maintain eye contact when someone is speaking to me.

When someone talks to you, they feel that what they are saying is meaningful. If you break or avoid eye contact, they’ll feel like you don’t value what they have to say. Plus, you won’t comprehend everything, you could miss something important, or you could miss clear body language.

As you listen to other people talk, make a conscious effort to maintain eye contact. Avoid the temptation to look at anything else, and try to keep your eyes on their face. It isn’t always easy, especially when their topic is uninteresting, but it will help you become a better listener.

5. I am confident enough to speak up when I need something repeated.

Part of being a good listener means asking someone to repeat what they said if you missed it. You can’t be a good listener if you are afraid to ask what they say. While you should always listen intently, there will be times when you miss something.

Most of the time, the speaker won’t be annoyed or frustrated with you for the asking. Most people appreciate the question because it shows that you are interested and that you care.

6. I can ignore the temptation to zone out of the conversation.

It’s tempting to zone out during a conversation, especially if you aren’t interested in the topic. However, when you zone out, you aren’t listening to what the other person says. If you want to be a better listener, this is one of the first places you should start.

7. I am listening like I’d want to be listened to.

You probably don’t enjoy it when someone doesn’t listen to you when you talk. Think about that the next time someone’s talking. Use this mantra before conversations so you can show the same respect you want to receive.

8. I recognize the tone of voice and body language to pick up on things left unsaid.

Part of being a good listener involves picking up on body language. People tend to express more with facial expressions, tone, and body language. When you pick up on body language, you can understand how they are feeling a little better.

Plus, when you pick up on body language, it helps you decide how to approach the conversation. A change in vocal pitch indicates an emotional rush, while crossing the arms shows defensiveness.

9. I strive to absorb every detail of the conversation.

When you try to absorb every detail, you pick up on more of the conversation. Absorbing the details helps you become a better listener by helping you remember the things that the speaker didn’t fixate on. Plus, it helps you put together the entire narrative, forming a deeper understanding.

10. I ask questions to gain a deeper level of understanding.

One of the best ways to become a good listener is by asking questions to understand something. It shows that you are interested in the conversation and that you care about the topic. Even if you aren’t particularly interested, showing enthusiasm and enquiring about the details is a sign of respect.

11. I ask open-ended questions to get the other person to open up.

When someone doesn’t talk much, it’s hard to practice your listening skills. If this is the situation, try using this mantra to help you engage in conversation with them. By asking these types of questions, you get the other person to open up, allowing you a chance to listen.

12. I offer empathy to others when they express themselves.

Suppose someone expresses their feelings or tells you about their situation, practice empathy towards them. Compassion will help the other person see that you care and that you’re listening. Make a conscious effort to show empathy, and it’ll eventually become a natural habit for you.

13. I am attentive as I listen without looking at my watch, phone, or anything else.

Being a better listener involves being attentive as someone talks to you. Avoid looking at anything else, and don’t engage in a texting conversation when someone is talking. Use this time to practice active listening, where you engage all senses as you converse.

14. I listen without thinking about other things.

Everyone has things on their mind, but you shouldn’t let your mind wander to them when someone is speaking. Push the other thoughts away and ensure you’re paying attention to the person talking to you. If you find your mind wandering, use that time as a chance to ask questions.

By asking a question or making a helpful comment, you bring your focus back to the conversation. It helps you become a better listener as you learn to listen without distracting thoughts. It’ll eventually become natural for you to engage in a way that prevents your mind from wandering.

15. I should not assume I know what someone will say.

When you’re thinking about what you assume someone will say, you aren’t listening to the speaker. While you might think you know someone well, you can’t always predict what the person will say. If you’re guilty of communication bias, use this mantra to get out of that mindset.

When you think this way and make assumptions, your brain begins moving on before the person finishes speaking. If anyone close to you says that you don’t listen to them, but you feel like you do, it could be that you are experiencing a communication bias. Use this mantra to alleviate the issue and become a better listener.

16. I hear what other people want or need, and I understand what they share with me.

As a good listener, you will listen to understand. Listening to understand means that you can accurately hear what people expect or want. It also means that you pick up on their body language to determine what information they want to hear.

17. I listen without feeling the need to give my input.

In most cases, you respond to someone when they are speaking to you. However, sometimes people need to be heard without getting a response. If the person keeps talking and doesn’t seem to need a reply, allow them to keep going without giving your input.

18. I take the time to think before responding.

A good listener doesn’t always say the first thing that comes to mind. Instead, they pause to think before responding. If you don’t want to seem like you aren’t going to respond, ask for a second to consider first.

19. I won’t interrupt when someone else is speaking.

When you interrupt someone, you show that you aren’t listening or that you don’t care. Instead, please wait for the speaker to pause before you begin to speak so that they feel heard and respected. A good listener always practices this skill, so use this mantra before

20. I want to be a better listener, and I get better each day.

When you want to do something, it’s easier to accomplish. Use this mantra each day to remember that you want to be a good listener. Then, you’ll consciously focus on what other people are saying.

Final Thoughts on Mantras That Will Empower You to Be a Better Listener

When you become a better listener, your personal and professional relationships will improve. People will feel like you genuinely hear them and care about what they have to say. Plus, you’ll get things done quickly and correctly, saving you time all around.

Becoming a good listener can improve all areas of your life, so start working on it right away. These mantras can help you focus on the person speaking to you and develop better listening skills.

20 Quotes to Help Change Your Mindset from Negative to Positive

September 29, 2021 by Sarah Barkley

Negative thinking impacts your life in many detrimental ways. Negativity influences your overall sense of wellbeing and your relationships, and it can hold you back from reaching your goals. Positive thinking quotes can quickly help you change your mindset from negative to positive, allowing you to live a more fulfilling life.

Using quotes to help you think more positively makes it easier to get through hard times. When you’re feeling down, these quotes can help you change your mindset and move forward. These quotes can be a helpful reminder anytime you feel angry, depressed, stressed, or just under the weather.

While it’s easy to wallow in negativity, you don’t want to keep that mindset for long. Maintaining a positive mindset will help you become successful, and it’ll improve your relationships. Plus, you’ll feel better overall, thinking clearly and peacefully.

Twenty Quotes to Help Change Your Mindset

Shifting to positive thinking can also help you improve your problem-solving skills. You’ll see the bigger picture and recognize alternative ways to accomplish your goals. If you struggle with a negative mindset, use these quotes to help you change it.

1. “Negative emotions like loneliness, envy, and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life; they’re big, flashing signs that something needs to change.” – Gretchen Rubin

While negative emotions seem to have no benefits, Rubin explains that they do. These feelings allow you to recognize when something in your life needs to change. When you listen to the warnings, you can make regular improvements in your life.

2. “I think it’s important to get your surroundings as well as yourself into a positive state – meaning surround yourself with positive people, not the kind who are negative and jealous of everything you do.” – Heidi Klum

The people in your life play a role in your mindset. If you spend your time with negative people, you will develop that mindset, as well. Choose positive people, instead, and you will have an easier time making the change.

3. “Plant seeds of expectation in your mind; cultivate thoughts that anticipate achievement. Believe in yourself as being capable of overcoming all obstacles and weaknesses.” – Norman Vincent Peale

You can shift your mindset when you expect more of yourself and think positive thoughts of achievement. Remind yourself that you can overcome anything, no matter how hard it seems.

4. “It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts.” – Robert H. Schuller

When you experience a negative thought, you can push it away by thinking positively. As Schuller explains, one positive overpowers many negative thoughts. If you find yourself thinking negatively, make a conscious effort to replace it with another idea.

5. “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” – Marcus Aurelius

Most of the time, your discomfort from a situation is because of your reaction to it. If you react negatively, you will suffer. However, if you respond positively, you can overcome the problem instead.

6. “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal. Nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” – Thomas Jefferson

With the right attitude, anything is possible. If you always have a negative mindset, on the other hand, you won’t accomplish much of anything.

7. “Man is not suffering by external forces as much as his own dysfunctional mind and self-inflicted negative stimulus.” – Aditya Ajmera

When you feel like you’re suffering, check your mindset and see what you’re thinking about. If your thoughts are unhelpful and detrimental, then you have found the source of your suffering.

8. “Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can.” – Paul Tournier

The people with positive thoughts and self-confidence are the ones that tend to succeed. Their success is often due to positive thinking because your thoughts tend to determine the outcome.

9. “I realized that if my thoughts immediately affect my body, I should be careful about what I think. Now, if I get angry, I ask myself why I feel that way. If I can find the source of my anger, I can turn that negative energy into something positive.” – Yoko Ono

When your thoughts make you angry or upset, you must find a way to change them. Figure out what causes is causing those thoughts, and then you can begin to change your mindset.

10. “The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.” -Winston Churchill

With a positive mindset, you can see things that other people don’t recognize. It leads to achievement and success, and you’ll be far ahead of all the negative thinkers.

11. “A negative attitude drains, a positive attitude energizes.” – Lindsey Rietzsch

Negativity drains you of your energy, hope, focus, and everything else that you need. On the other hand, a positive attitude gives you energy and the determination to keep moving forward.

12. “Nothing good stands without the right attitude. You may know how to do it, but if the attitude is negative, all you can say is ‘I could have done it.’” – Israelmore Ayivor

If you let a negative attitude stop you from doing something, it won’t matter if you knew how. All that matters is that you stayed positive and gave your best effort.

13. “Attitude is more important than the past than education than money than circumstances than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.” – Charles R. Swindoll

Don’t let outside sources affect you if you want to change your mindset from negative to positive. Whatever happened in your past shouldn’t affect your perspective. Plus, you can be positive no matter what your education level is, how much money you have, or what your circumstances look like.

14. “And I knew, then and there, that no matter what happens one should never let the negatives in their life become the manifesto of their whole being. It always takes two to tango. Negatives don’t come without positives.” – Zainab T. Khan

Things won’t always work out the way you wanted them to, but you can’t let negative thoughts take over your life. When you experience something negative, remind yourself of this quote because a positive will come, too.

15. “We lost because we told ourselves we lost.” – Leo Tolstoy

When you allow negative thoughts to fester, they become your reality. So, as Tolstoy explains, if you tell yourself that you’ll lose, that’s what will happen. The next time your negative thoughts tell you that you can’t do something, make sure you switch them and say that you can.

16. “Discipline your mind to think positively. Discipline your mind to see the good in every situation and look on the best side of every intent” – Roy T. Bennett

With practice, your thoughts will gravitate toward positivity more often than negativity. Teach yourself to see the positive aspects of all situations, and you’ll live a happier life.

17. “Negativity is cannibalistic. The more you feed it, the bigger and stronger it grows.” – Bobby Darnell

As Darnell explains, negativity feeds on itself, growing stronger each minute. The longer you let it fester, the more intense it becomes. Remember this quote the next time you struggle to change your mindset.

18. “Watch out for the joy-stealers: gossip, criticism, complaining, faultfinding, and a negative, judgmental attitude.” – Joyce Meyer

You might not realize it, but having a negative mindset involves more than just negative thoughts. Negativity thrives on gossip, criticism, complaining, and many other things. Be careful how you speak because it can make all the difference between a negative and positive mindset.

19. “It would be easy to become a victim of our circumstances and continue feeling sad, scared, or angry; or instead, we could choose to deal with injustice humanely and break the chains of negative thoughts and energies, and not let ourselves sink into it.” – Erin Gruwell

When you have a victim mentality, negativity will take over your life. However, if you choose to deal with things positively, you’ll experience positive energy that helps get you through.

20. “Look for something positive in every day, even if some days you have to look a little harder.” – Unknown

The best parts of life aren’t always easy to spot. Stay on the lookout for little bits of joy that breed positivity within.

Final Thoughts on Quotes to Help Change Your Mindset from Negative to Positive

If you want to change your mindset from negative to positive, these quotes can help you. Changing your mindset can improve all areas of your life and help you feel more fulfilled in life. Plus, it’ll positively influence your professional and personal relationships.

If you want to live the best life possible, switching from negativity to positivity is essential. Remember the quotes that resonated with you the most, and recall them during challenging times.

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