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Identifying Emotional Abuse (And How To Prevent It)

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Emotional abuse, also known as psychological abuse, is a painful experience that many people misunderstand. Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for people to ignore it or consider it non-serious. They may view physical forms of abuse as the only good kinds. But this is not true at all, and this mindset only further harms victims. Worse yet, identifying emotional abuse can be exceptionally difficult when you are the victim!

Emotional abuse is severe and may cause chronic depression, anxiety disorders, suicidal ideation, and even PTSD. A lot of the danger in this abuse comes in how easily it can slip under the radar. Despite how hard it is to spot, it leaves long-lasting inner scars and wounds that can take decades to heal. These wounds can completely devastate one’s confidence and sense of self.

The ability to recognize emotional abuse can prevent the worst of its effects. It can encourage you to get out quickly at the sign of a red flag. Even if you can’t get out right away, there are benefits to identifying emotional abuse for what it is. Knowing that you’re a victim can help you survive the gaslighting and bullying from your abuser.

So, what is emotional abuse, and how can you prevent it from damaging your self-esteem?

1.    Identifying Emotional Abuse Starts By Defining It

identifying emotional abuse

Abuse can be a complex topic, so no one’s true definition can easily be determined. Mainly, emotional abuse manifests by subjecting an individual to psychologically harmful treatment and behavior. It can occur in any familial, platonic, romantic, or even professional relationship.

Emotional abuse can blindside those who believe their relationship is healthy. The American Office of Women’s Health further states that abusive relationships can start behaving in loving and positive ways. The abuser then slowly uses different tactics to perform their abuse with steadily increasing severity.

Most often, the perpetrator of emotional abuse is in a position of power over the victim. This power can be anything from titled authority to physical strength and from financial control to threats. Acts of emotional abuse can be quite varied and may involve any of the following:

·         Invalidation

An emotional abuser might constantly invalidate their victim to demean them and break their self-esteem. They might refuse to accept your emotions, dismiss your thoughts, and call you terms like “crazy” or “sensitive.” They could also gaslight you by making you believe that what you experienced isn’t real. This distortion of your reality can be highly damaging.

·         Control

Emotional abusers often seek to control their victims to dictate how they behave. They may isolate you, so you can only receive input from them. They might demand that you ask them permission to perform standard daily tasks or spend time with others. They could also start to monitor your correspondences, snooping on your private conversations. This is according to the United States’ National Domestic Violence Hotline.

·         Superiority

Emotional abuser often tries to portray themselves as superior and their victim as inferior. They might make jokes that poke fun at you hurtfully, act condescendingly, or behave as if they’re always right. They might ignore your ideas and scoff at them or constantly doubt you.

·         Chaos

Chaos creates confusing situations, and emotional abusers love doing that to their victims. They might start random arguments, showcase overly dramatic mood swings, or behave highly unpredictably. You’ll feel like you have to tiptoe around them.

·         Blackmail

Emotional blackmail is common among emotional abusers. You might be guilt-tripped into feeling bad for them. They might use your fears and concerns against you or humiliate you in silence in public. They could also deliver punishments for behavior they don’t like, such as giving you the silent treatment.

2.    The Cycle Of Abuse

There’s a misconception that abuse is constant and continuous, with no break at any point. This notion is rarely ever the case. Most abusive situations and relationships involve a dangerous cycle of abuse. This cycle can give victims hope that things may improve, even when they never have and aren’t going to.

The cycle of abuse has four stages. The way these stages play out is sinister and confusing, contributing to how complex abuse is. This cycle is often why victims may think that what they’re experiencing isn’t abuse. As a result, research shows that many victims of emotional abuse don’t consider their experiences and mistreatment abusive!

Here are the stages of the cycle mentioned above of abuse:

·         Step One: Tension

An abuser who’s feeling perfectly happy isn’t going to have much of a reason to lash out. That’s why it’s during times of stress that the cycle begins. An abuser might experience stress because of personal problems, fatigue, work issues, illness, or adverse circumstances. Then, as they cannot positively manage that stress, the tension only builds up. The pressure often manifests visibly, increasing irritability, paranoia, or aggression. Meanwhile, the victim starts to feel on edge, becoming guarded as they try to cater to the perpetrator’s increasingly unreasonable needs.

·         Step 2: Incident

The bottled and building tension eventually explodes from the abuser. This explosion comes in the form of abuse towards the victim. They may become physically aggressive, emotionally manipulative, psychologically demeaning, or perform any other form of mistreatment. Victims may worry that relationship issues are occurring and may even feel at fault for their imagined part. Regardless, the incident is one of abuse.

identifying emotional abuse

·         Step 3: Reconciliatory Honeymoon

Once the incident has died down, the abuser will try to push past the abuse. They may buy gifts, show the victim compliments and affection, and be extremely sweet and gentle. The rush of upbeat, feel-good hormones released as a result can make the victim feel much better. They will feel encouraged to stay and will become hopeful that things will improve.

·         Step 4: (Temporary) Peace

After the reconciliation, the abuser will likely try to apologize to maintain the peace – but not in a genuinely positive way. They won’t take full responsibility for their actions. They’ll shift blame, make excuses, and minimize their actions. Worse still, they’ll do all of that while sounding like they’re providing a truthful apology! This can even be so severe that the victim feels like they were at fault or starts to think the abuse didn’t happen. The peace will be kept for a while… until the tension builds again, and it all returns to step one.

If you recognize these steps and feel you’ve been caught in a cycle of emotional abuse, it’s time to get out. Don’t fall for the tricks of step three and step four. Remember what happened in steps 1 and 2 and that it’ll happen again. This awareness can help mentally protect you – and give you the courage to leave.

3.    After Identifying Emotional Abuse, How Can You Prevent It From Damaging Your Self-Esteem?

Awareness is one of the key ways to save your self-esteem from damage due to emotional abuse. Knowing what you’re experiencing makes you less likely to believe the horrible things your abuser says. While positive thinking might be slim, the hope of being able to leave the abuser can be enough to push you through.

But even with awareness, the pain from emotional abuse can still take a toll. Your self-esteem has to take repeated beatings from an abuser, and even with resilience, it’s a lot to handle. Here are some further tips for protecting your self-esteem:

·         Don’t Engage

When an abuser is in the heat of the worst of their abuse, it can be tough not to react. But that reaction is what they want from you, as it allows them to shift the blame to you. Find ways to avoid engaging with an abuser’s words. Don’t give them the satisfaction of expressing your pain or hurt. Don’t let them push your buttons. Learning to disengage from an abuser can reduce some of their power over you. If necessary, distract yourself by thinking of other things so you don’t feel compelled to reply.

·         Don’t Take The Blame

You’re not at fault for the abuse you’re subjected to. Emotional abusers will continually attempt to make you out to be responsible. Even if you have to pretend to accept blame for your safety, make sure that you know, deep down, it’s not your fault.

·         Don’t Lose Awareness

The nature of abuse is such that it’s so easy to start excusing it or forgetting how bad it is. That’s why it’s such a dangerous cycle. Even if things genuinely do begin to change, remember that you must still be on your guard. Promises can be broken, therapy for an abuser can be ineffective, and changes can be reversed. Don’t lose sight of what an abuser did and does to you, no matter what.

·         Make Plans To Get Out

Making plans to get out of an abusive environment gives you motivation. It shows you something to look forward to so your self-esteem survives. Better yet, it’s practical, allowing you to ready a plan and orchestrate it as soon as you can. It can put some of the power back in your hands to know that you’ll escape this one day.

·         Keep The Hope

Losing hope is a dangerous situation for abuse victims. It can put you in worse positions and deplete all of your self-esteem. It’s important to remember that there is always hope no matter how bad your current situation is. The trauma you’ve developed may take a lot of time to heal, but what’s crucial to remember is that it will heal. Focus on getting out and protecting yourself, and once you can, you can seek professional help. It can be challenging to open up to even a mental health professional, but doing so will aid your recovery. Take things one step at a time, and you’ll be okay.

identifying emotional abuseFinal Thoughts On Identifying Emotional Abuse From Damaging Your Self-Esteem

Emotional abuse is not something to be taken lightly. It can affect the victim’s self-esteem, confidence, and mental health. It can deplete positive thinking and result in severe mental disorders.

Remember that you aren’t alone if you think you may be the victim of emotional abuse. If you live with your abuser, try contacting a helpline for domestic abuse. If you have more freedom, you can visit a relevant shelter or organization in your area that can help you get out. And, of course, if you can get out, you should do so as soon as possible.

Most importantly, remember that your emotions and experiences are valid. Now that you know how to start identifying emotional abuse, you know the truth. What you went through and are going through is real, serious, and painful. Your abuser’s actions are not your fault; you deserve to be in a safe, positive environment where you’re treated well.

Can You Maintain Healthy Boundaries Around Loved Ones?

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Boundaries naturally exist in many different spaces. There are socially enforced boundaries, such as the concept that you wouldn’t hug a total stranger for no reason. There are professionally enforced boundaries, like the knowledge that it’s frowned upon to begin romantic interactions with colleagues. But can you maintain healthy boundaries with your most cherished ones?

Of course, setting ground rules helps improve your personal relationships, too. But many people struggle with the idea of healthy boundaries around loved ones. There’s almost a negative stigma against it, as if it’s shameful or selfish to have these boundaries with your closest companions. There may be people in your life who have been offended or insulted by your attempts to determine boundaries.

The truth, however, is that these boundaries are often entirely instrumental to healthy relationships. This need applies to romantic, platonic, familial, and any other form of relationship. If you’ve struggled to set healthy and positive boundaries with the people closest to you, the chances are that you’ve suffered for it. And if you’ve tried to establish and enforce those boundaries and found poor results, things can be very confusing. So can you maintain healthy boundaries around loved ones? Let’s dig deeper.

1.    What Does It Mean to Maintain Healthy Boundaries?

Healthy boundaries take into consideration the three components of your relationships with others. Those components are you, the other person, and the actual relationship you have. These three factors need to feel safe, happy, and respected with nourishment, maintenance, and overall satisfaction.

In general, five kinds of boundaries can be healthily set and involved in relationships. You may personally find additional boundary types as per your needs, but most of them are contained within these five. They are:

maintain healthy boundaries·         Emotional Boundaries

These refer to your personal feelings, how you express them, and who you confide them to. You might be more of an open book, or you may keep your cards close to your chest. It might take you time to open up about emotions to others, and there are some people you may not ever share your feelings with.

·         Physical Boundaries

These types of boundaries refer to those involving your body, your personal space, and your privacy. This can include things like physical shows of affection, such as holding hands, hugging, and kissing. The level of physical boundary you have for each person likely depends on your relationship with them. The more comfortable you are with them, the more likely you will be alright with them taking up your physical space.

·         Financial Boundaries

Money can be a contentious subject, even in close relationships, and that’s why appropriate boundaries are essential. These boundaries involve who knows about your finances, who you’ll loan money to, and how your finances may be shared.

·         Intellectual Boundaries

An intellectual boundary is related to your beliefs, thoughts, and personal moral compass. A limitation of this variety might involve your lines on discussing politics and current events or on your openness to debate. An example of a very common intellectual boundary does not want others to invalidate your viewpoints.

·         Sexual Boundaries

These boundaries involve what you’re comfortable doing that has an intimate nature. This limit includes what you’re comfortable doing in the bedroom, even with trusted partners. It can also be about who you’re happy to perform intimate activities with or how comfortable you are with innuendo and lewd jokes.

Specific boundaries around loved ones differ from person to person. Healthy boundaries that exist in relationships involve mutual responsibility, well-communicated expectations, and open honesty.

2.    Why Is It Important to Maintain Healthy Boundaries?

You’ve already heard plenty about the fact that healthy boundaries are crucial around loved ones. But why is that the case? Here are some ways:

·         They Allow Individuality

The ability to separate yourself and your feelings from other people’s feelings is crucial to maintaining a good relationship. When you’re close to someone, your thoughts and emotions can start to tangle or blur together. To maintain a sense of who you are and avoid codependency, you must keep the lines evident. You hold your autonomy, identity, and control. And, ironically, by being further apart, you also can get closer in safer ways!

·         They Maintain Emotional Energy

Without boundaries, you’ll always have to deal with people making you uncomfortable. This discomfort can breed resentment and tire you out. Not only can this lead to conflict, but it can also harm your positive thinking. Your self-esteem can get broken down over time if you don’t advocate for yourself with boundaries.

·         They Keep Separate Things Separate

As a person with a lot going on in your life, you have many different facets. You have to juggle additional responsibilities and “faces,” presenting various aspects of yourself in other situations as relevant. When you don’t maintain the boundaries between these significant facets, you can have a messy and uncomfortable collision. Research even proves that blurred boundaries can decrease positive thinking and lead to unhealthier choices. This is especially true for work-life balance, which is a crucial separation you’ll need when living with your family.

·         They Offer Space For Vulnerability

Boundaries have occasional exceptions as dictated by those who set them. When those exceptions come into play, they quickly portray that something important is happening. For example, if you never talk about your relationship problems with your friends, they’ll know something’s up when you do. But if you’re always oversharing, that vulnerability becomes less meaningful and isn’t vulnerable anymore. For there to be space to be vulnerable, there has to be a space there, to begin with.

maintain healthy boundaries3.    How To Determine Your Boundaries

Everyone’s boundaries are different. You’ll need to determine where yours lie before you communicate them to others. This discussion involves figuring out exactly where your limits lie and what you’re uncomfortable with. Here are some tips for doing so:

·         Remember Your Worth

Low self-esteem can lead to poorly determined boundaries. When you don’t think you deserve much, you’re less likely to realize that your boundaries matter. You deserve to be treated correctly by the people in your life, especially your loved ones. Those who won’t respect your needs and limits aren’t people you should have in your life.

·         Consider Your Needs To Maintain Healthy Boundaries

Please dig deep and determine what it is that you want and need from your relationships. What values do you have that contribute to these needs? How have different kinds of treatment made you feel in the past? What are some basic human needs and rights that you may have neglected? What is your definition of comfort? All of these things are central to determining your exact boundaries.

·         Make Sure You Have Space

Every human being needs space to breathe, to have privacy, and to be alone. The only difference is how much each individual prefers to have! Figure out where you lie. The only thing that must be certain is that you do have that space. Don’t forget that online spaces count, too. Research shows that many people don’t realize how much they can be controlled and taken advantage of through technology!

·         Communicate

You can’t have healthy relationships without communication, and that’s for a good reason. It’s no wonder, then, that you need to communicate if you want healthy boundaries to be set. When you discuss your needs with your loved ones, you get to outline rules and preferences clearly. You get to talk about why this matters to you openly and honestly. This also opens the floor for a broader discussion on boundaries and the possibility of reasonable compromise. It shouldn’t end there, either! Regular check-ins for further communication on these matters will ensure a better bond, says research.

4.    How To Maintain Healthy Boundaries Around Loved Ones

So, you’ve determined your boundaries and communicated them to your loved ones. Now comes the final step in maintaining healthy and positive boundaries: enforcing them. If your limits are told but always ignored, they serve no purpose. You have to do your part to ensure that they’re maintained. Here’s how to do that:

·         Learn To Say No

If you’ve struggled with boundary-setting in the past, chances are you’re also a bit of a yes-man. You might be a bit of a people-pleaser, and saying “no” might even feel mean to you. This is especially true for your loved ones. You want to do things for them and make them happy, after all! But you also have to put yourself first sometimes. If your plate’s full, if you’re too tired, or if you don’t want to do something, you can say no! This can also help you maintain boundaries with a single word. “No” is a full sentence, and it’s all you need to say to exclude yourself from a situation.

·         Be Consistent When You Maintain Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries can be flexible, but you must communicate changes in them to those around you. If your limits aren’t consistent, people are going to have a hard time abiding by them. At some point, it’ll be easier for them to ignore your boundaries because trying to follow them is too hard! Being consistent also ensures that you remember your limits and can practice enforcing them.

·         Respect Other People’s Boundaries, Too

If you demand respect but refuse to give it to others, the hypocrisy will harm your relationships. You’ll learn best about your boundaries by respecting those of your loved ones. Plus, it sets a good example and shows the people around you that you truly practice what you preach.

·         Be Assertive Without Accusation

To enforce boundaries, you must be assertive. You can’t let people walk over your limits, after all. But it’s tough to assert yourself without also sounding accusatory. You can help to reduce this problem by using “I” statements. These include sentences starting with “I feel…”, “I’d like…”, “I need,” and so on. These statements will sound genuine and will allow you to be direct without putting other people on guard. This can preserve your relationship with your loved ones, allowing for positive communication.

maintain healthy boundariesFinal Thoughts On Some Ways To Maintain Healthy Boundaries Around Loved Ones

Healthy boundaries aren’t something negligible. They are necessary for the health, safety, and satisfaction of relationships and bonds. Make sure that you and your loved ones set and maintain healthy boundaries that you can all respect. Believe it or not, this will improve your relationship in the long run!

20 Affirmations That Will Inspire You to Reach for the Stars

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Personal growth and self-development are essential in life if you want to reach for the stars. As you strive to be your best self, affirmations can help encourage you along the way. These positive phrases will give you the motivation and determination to push for more.

As you read through these self-affirmations, remember the ones that resonate with you the most. Use the affirmations each morning as you get ready for the day to set a positive tone right from the start. Then, use them throughout the day when you feel like giving up.

Twenty Affirmations That Will Inspire You to Reach for the Stars

The more often you use positive affirmations, the better their effect is on your brain. Making it a habit to repeat them can make all the difference in achieving your goals. They will help you shift your mindset and focus on positivity and growth, encouraging you to reach for the stars.

reach for the stars1. I can be whatever I want to be because it is my decision.

When you live according to your ideals, you can go after any dream that you have. You don’t have to listen to people who say that you can’t or shouldn’t do something. This life is yours, so your aspirations are your decision, no matter what anyone else says.

Set your path and follow it without regret. Use this affirmation each day to keep you on track and living for yourself.

2. I can do anything I set my mind to as long as I persevere.

If you decide to do something, you can get it done. You will experience setbacks and obstacles along the way, but you can still make your dreams happen. Don’t give up when things fail to go as planned, but persevere until you reach your goals.

3. I am not afraid of failure, and I won’t let it hold me back.

Failure doesn’t mean you can never reach your goals. Instead, it means that you have to find a different way to do it. When you experience failure, think of it as a learning opportunity rather than a barrier.

If you can think of failure as a learning opportunity, you can keep growing and getting better. Then, the next time you try, you’ll know a little more.

4. I get closer to success with each action I take.

Every action, no matter how small, gets you a little closer to your goal. When you feel like you aren’t making much progress, use this affirmation to motivate yourself.

Don’t stop working because you don’t notice any improvement yet. Instead, remember that you get closer to reaching your goals each time you do another task.

5. I work hard every day so that I can live my best life.

Remember that if you want to reach for the stars, you must work hard. By telling yourself that you work hard every day, you’ll dedicate yourself to reach your goals. You’ll be more likely to accomplish small tasks, leading to more success.

6. I push the limits to see how far I can go.

You can’t keep doing the same things forever if you want to reach for the stars. You must push the limits and test yourself to see how far you can go. Use this affirmation to encourage yourself to keep moving forward.

7. I have great things to offer to the world.

If you tend to think that you have nothing to offer, then this affirmation is for you. Use the positive phrase each morning as a reminder of how great you are.

You are valuable, and you bring things to this world that no one else can. Use your talent and dedication to make the world a better place, and don’t hide what you have to offer.

8. I am free to let go of other people’s expectations.

People in your life might love to give their opinion on your life and what you should do. If you let their comments get to you, it could hold you back and make you settle for less in life. Use this affirmation anytime you need a reminder that you are free to let go of other people’s expectations.

Let go of expectations and follow your path. You have to live your life, so make choices that will help you lead a meaningful and fulfilling life. Don’t let the expectations or opinions of others keep you from chasing your dreams.

9. I have well-defined and achievable goals.

If you want to reach for the stars, you must have well-defined goals. It’s easier to find the dedication and determination you need when you know what you are working toward. Make sure your goals are achievable, too, because you can’t work toward unrealistic goals.

10. I am proud of all of my accomplishments.

When you’re proud of the things you’ve done so far in life, you’ll be more motivated for the future. Use this affirmation to increase your self-esteem and push yourself forward. Even your small accomplishments are worth being proud of, so don’t leave anything out.

reach for the stars11. I am becoming the person I have always wanted to be.

Remind yourself that you’re becoming the person you want to be will encourage you to reach for the stars. You will want to keep pushing forward and accomplishing more all of the time. Use this positive phrase each morning to encourage growth toward your dreams.

12. I am unique and special, so I can do things that others can’t.

You are unique, so embrace what makes you special. Your differences enable you to do things that other people can’t do. Use this affirmation as a reminder that you don’t have to be like everyone else.

As you learn to embrace your unique qualities, you can use them to reach your goals. Remember that if everyone is the same, each person would be working toward the same dream.

13. I set aside time each day to pursue my dream.

If you make a conscious effort to work toward your goals each day, you’ll be more likely to push through. You must have time in your life to learn and grow, bettering yourself to accomplish your dreams.

Sometimes, you’ll be tempted to prioritize other things, but this affirmation will help you refrain from doing so. Use it as a reminder that you deserve the time in your day to work toward your life goals.

14. I feel my self-esteem increasing.

When you feel your self-esteem increasing, you’ll have more courage to push forward. Low self-esteem can hold you back and make you think you can’t reach for the stars. If you can boost your self-esteem, it could change your entire mindset.

15. I have endless potential, and I don’t give up.

You can always learn and further your abilities, so you have endless potential. When you know that your potential is limitless, you won’t give up when you encounter a struggle. This affirmation can help you overcome any obstacle and keep working toward your life goal.

16. I trust and believe in myself.

If you don’t trust or believe in yourself, you won’t have the confidence to reach for the stars. You might become complacent and stay in your current position if you aren’t sure you can do something. Use this affirmation to develop more self-trust moving forward.

17. I am willing to learn new things and new techniques.

You might not know everything right now, but you can always learn new things. If you’re willing to learn and figure things out, you can go much further in life. Learning opens you up to new possibilities, allowing you to strive for more.

18. I am confident and capable of reaching all of my goals.

With self-confidence, you know that you are capable of doing anything. Set your mind on your goals, and use this phrase to reaffirm your abilities. Use the affirmation each morning to help keep your confidence levels high all day.

19. I visualize the life I want so that I can manifest it.

With visualization, you are more likely to reach your goals. Spend some time quietly visualizing the life that you want to live, and repeat this affirmation. As you repeat the words and picture the life you want, you’ll manifest all of your dreams coming true.

20. I am worthy enough to reach my goals and achieve my dreams.

If you often think that you aren’t worthy enough to reach your goals, this affirmation can help change your mindset. You are worthy of all great things in life, including reaching your full potential.

reach for the starsFinal Thoughts on Self Affirmations to Encourage You to Reach for the Stars

Your thoughts play a role in your success and ability to persevere. If you want to reach for the stars, try using these affirmations each day as an encouragement to push forward.

Your brain is a creature of habit, so make the affirmations a regular part of your routine. After a while, you will naturally have more positive thoughts, helping you go after your dreams.

4 Discussions Every Couple Should Have Before Getting Married

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Are you at the point in your relationship where you’re thinking about marriage? Tying the knot is a huge milestone! That’s why setting the right tone before getting married is essential. Getting off the wrong foot and bringing false ideas into a marriage will end in disaster.

It’s said that communication is the key to a healthy and positive relationship, and we certainly agree. That’s why talking about potentially tricky subjects before you marry can be a great way to ensure long-term relationship happiness. Here are four essential discussions every couple should have before getting married.

1. Discuss Kids and Parenting Styles Before Getting Married

Many couples wanting to get married want to start a family. If that’s you and your partner, you should talk in detail about that subject so you’re on the same page. From the get-go, you should both have the same opinions about whether or not you want any children, of course. But after you’ve determined that similarity, there is still more to discuss. Here are some subjects to talk about:

before getting married·         How Many Children

Some differences in this opinion can be compromised, resolved, or played by ear. For example, if you want two kids and three, you can work with something. But if you want one child and they want a whole football team of them, that’s a bigger problem. Significant differences in future goals related to children are often not a good foundation for a happy marriage.

·         How To Raise Children

Different people will have different parenting styles and different childhood backgrounds. Many people believe that their way of parenting is the “right way,” so before those arguments come up, talk about it. How will you raise your children? If you’re of different religions, what will your child learn? What disciplinary methods are you going to use? What are some rules you’d agree on? How someone was raised can determine how they raise their children, so it’s also worth addressing childhood experiences. Do you want to emulate your parents’ style or completely avoid it altogether?

·         How To Ensure Quality Time

Having children is rewarding, but it’s also hectic. Many parents become so lost in the parenting duties that they drift apart. This rift contributes to a lot of the divorces experienced by empty-nesters later in life, according to research. So talk about how you’ll ensure you can still spend time together and keep the spark alive. This plan can include determining date nights, hiring babysitters, and setting up boundaries for couple-time.

·         How To Split Duties

Raising a child is not easy in the slightest. Nowadays, it is accepted that all parents should play a significant part in parenting duties. Decide how these responsibilities will be split. Factors like who will work and if anyone will be a stay-at-home parent are essential topics in this vein.

·         When To Have Children

At what point in your life will you be comfortable or ready to have kids? Do you want them right away after marriage? Should you be entrenched in your career and financial situation? Do you have life goals, like buying a house, that must be fulfilled first? Get on the same page about timing!

2. Consider Life Goals Before Getting Married

Marriage is a long-term commitment. This promise means you’ll want to be heading in the same general direction in life. This doesn’t mean having identical hopes and career paths or anything like that. It means that you should be able to make your long-term goals happen without damaging the marriage or each other’s goals.

Both parties should have a similar idea of where they’re going or be genuinely happy compromising if necessary. Here are some topics to discuss in this vein:

·         Location

Where do you prefer to live? Do you wish to live in the city or a more rural area? Is there somewhere you want to retire? Do you need to be near your family or friends? Are you willing (and happy) to move if your spouse wants to do so for work?

·         Life Dreams

Some dreams in life are pretty straightforward. Others might take more effort and could be as important as work or even family to someone. Make sure you’re on the same page about each other’s dreams and goals in this manner. You should be able to support each other wholeheartedly and without resentment for a joyous marriage.

·         Religion

While not necessarily a “goal,” the fact is that most religions do involve a degree of aspiration. Many religions promise some form of afterlife or heaven to strive towards. Are you of the same faith? How often do you want to go to a place of worship? If you’re not of the same religion, do you want your spouse to convert, and if so, are they happy too? How about the other way around? Based on what you believe is next, will your beliefs seem to separate you after you both pass away?

before getting married3. Before Getting Married, Discuss Your Money Situation and Goals

It sounds boring to talk about financial subjects, but it’s imperative. Studies show that financial problems are among the chief contributing causes of divorce. While you might not avoid all money-related arguments in your marriage, discussing this topic beforehand can ease their severity. Here are some subjects to include in your discussion:

·         Income

Before you get married, you should know what your combined financial situation will be. How much do you both make, including passive income? Do you have any future goals for income? Will this marriage make either of you decide to make decisions that will change your income? An example of the latter is becoming a stay-at-home spouse instead of working or changing jobs as you move to live somewhere new.

·         Financial Obligations

Most people have previous financial obligations, including bills, debt, and potentially familial payments. Before you get married, consider these obligations. Partners should be honest about the expenses that are going to affect a combined financial situation.

·         Investments And Savings

Money that sits in the background is still money that must be discussed. You’ll need to talk about any investments you have and how much you currently have in savings. There should also be some talk about how much savings will be put aside each month when you’re married. Many couples also want joint bank accounts in addition to their own, so talk about that.

·         Financial Responsibilities

Once you tie the knot, there will be a lot of financial responsibilities on the table. You’ll need to decide how you’re divvying up those responsibilities. Who’s managing the overall finances? Whose money is going into rent and utilities? How many things are you splitting down the middle? Every couple has different needs for these responsibilities, so assigning them as needed is a good idea.

·         Shared Finances and Independence

Some couples decide to merge their finances in joint accounts. Others prefer not to. And of course, many choose something in the middle, like having separate accounts and one for joint funds. Whatever the case, you must discuss and decide how much your money will merge. You will also probably need to talk about maintaining monetary independence, especially if one partner will earn considerably more than the other.

4. Before Getting Married, Set Your Relationship Expectations

Ideally, you would have discussed your more severe and essential relationship expectations when you started dating seriously. But if that’s not something you’ve done, you’d better do it before you get married! You have to be able to cater to each other’s preferences for a relationship, within reason, to enjoy marriage satisfaction.

People have different needs, wants, and desires out of their relationships. With these wants and needs, expectations form naturally. If these expectations aren’t properly or clearly communicated, you’ll be angry and resentful when they go unmet. Meanwhile, the person not meeting those expectations won’t even know they exist! Here are some expectations to outline and hash out before tying the knot:

·         What Constitutes Cheating

Different people can have very different ideas of when a contract of faithfulness is broken. For some, you’d have to sleep with someone else before they call it cheating. For others, texting certain people all day would start to feel disloyal. There’s no one “right” answer for what cheating means. That’s why you and your partner must thoroughly discuss your expectations and what faithfulness means to you. This also applies to concepts like open marriages, polyamory, and bringing other people into the bedroom. What are you comfortable with, and what aren’t you?

·         Intimacy

Intimacy in the bedroom can be a significant part of a relationship. If that’s the case for you, then it’s time to ensure you’re on the same page. This goes from everything for frequency of bedroom intimacy, kinks and fetishes, limits and interests, and more. If you’re not allosexual or have little interest in bedroom fun, it’s still something you should talk about. After all, even those on the asexual and aromantic spectrums can still want to get down now and then! So make sure you’ve talked about the ins and outs of what you want, expect, and aren’t comfortable with.

·         Work/Life Balance

Your work/life balance determines your physical and mental health, so it’s already essential. In a marriage, that importance only increases! Research proves how central this balance is to relationship satisfaction and positive thinking, especially its other effects. Outline your expectations for how you should be balancing these aspects of your life. When does work come first, and when does your partner come first? What isn’t okay to do when it comes to canceling work plans? How will you ensure that work doesn’t take over?

·         Boundaries

All healthy relationships require healthy and positive boundaries. Talk about some of yours and listen to your partners. These boundaries can include needs for personal space, what you consider private and sacred, and how you prefer to manage conflict. It also includes more complex topics, like how much you’ll let your families get involved with your marriage. You don’t need to have all the exact boundaries, but you do need to commit to respecting each other. If your limits don’t align well enough, that could spell trouble down the road.

before getting marriedFinal Thoughts On Some Discussions Every Couple Should Have Before Getting Married

Communication and openness are crucial foundational parts of a relationship. These discussions to have before marriage allow you to ensure that those building blocks are already there. Approach these topics with positive thinking, openness, and an eagerness to listen!

UC Irvine Researchers Discover Breakthrough in Wound Healing

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A new study by UC Irvine researchers reveals a new molecular pathway that could accelerate wound healing. The research specifically focused on the recovery of wounds in the skin. The molecular path identified, called Fascin Actin-Bundling Protein 1 (Fscn1), becomes activated by a Grainyhead like 3 (GRHL3) gene. When this occurs, it relaxes the adhesion between wounded skin cells, and the protein-coding genes work to close the wound.

GRHL3, an evolutionarily conserved gene, plays a considerable role in mammalian development. If a mammal lacks this gene, various abnormalities can occur. These include rare conditions like spina bifida, defective epidermal barrier, defective eyelid closure, and soft-tissue syndactyly, which causes fused or webbed fingers in children.

More about the pathway that could speed up wound healing

The study, published in the journal JCI Insight, reveals how GRHL3 activates Fscn1 to loosen adhesions between migrating keratinocytes during wound healing. Keratinocytes, the most prevalent cells in the epidermis, play critical roles in wound repair and immune function. They execute the re-epithelialization process, where keratinocytes migrate, multiply, and differentiate to repair the epidermal barrier.

What the Researchers Found

wound healingResearchers found that when this process becomes altered, it may lead to chronic, non-healing wounds. An example of this is diabetic ulcers, which impact millions of people every year.

“What’s exciting about our findings is that we have identified a molecular pathway that is activated in normal acute wounds in humans and altered in diabetic wounds in mice,” said Ghaidaa Kashgari, Ph.D., a postdoctoral researcher in the UCI School of Medicine Department of Medicine. “This finding strongly indicates clinical relevance and may improve our understanding of wound healing biology and could lead to new therapies.”

Wound Healing Occurs in Stages

Acute skin wound healing consists of four overlapping phases: hemostasis, inflammation, proliferation, and tissue remodeling. In the first stage, blood begins to clot to help stop bleeding. Then, white blood cells migrate to the wound site to help defend and clean the area. Finally, the body works on rebuilding and repairing the tissue.

While dermal contraction causes wounds to partially close, reepithelialization plays a significant role in wound healing. This process occurs during the proliferation phase.

During wound healing, keratinocytes, found primarily in the outer layers of the skin, migrate on top of the underlying granulation tissue. This lumpy, pink tissue forms around the edges of a wound. Then, the keratinocytes merge with migrating keratinocytes from the opposite side to close the wound.

“Despite significant advances in treatment, much remains to be understood about the molecular mechanisms involved in normal wound healing,” said senior author Bogi Andersen, MD, a professor in the Departments of Biological Chemistry and Medicine at the UCI School of Medicine. Department of Biological Chemistry and Department of Medicine, Division of Endocrinology. “Our findings uncover how abnormalities in the GRHL3/FSCN1/E-cadherin pathway could play a role in non-healing wounds, which needs to be further investigated.”

The National Institutes of Health and the Irving Weinstein Foundation helped fund this study.

The four stages of wound healing

Here is how the wound healing process works.

Stage 1: Stop the bleeding (hemostasis)

When you suffer from an injury, you may bleed, depending on the severity. The body’s first line of defense involves stopping the bleeding, called hemostasis. In mere seconds, blood starts to clot to reduce blood loss. Clotting can also help with wound healing since it causes the injury to scab over.

Stage 2: Defending the area (inflammation)

You hear all sorts of bad things about inflammation, but it’s a critical part of wound healing. This causes blood vessels near the wound to open more so that blood flow increases. Thus, the expansion allows more oxygen and nutrients into the wound to begin to heal. The injury will start to look red, inflamed, or swollen, which means it’s healing.

White blood cells known as macrophages migrate to the wound to clean it and fight off infection. In addition, they release chemical messengers called growth factors to help repair the tissue. If you see clear fluid oozing out of the wound, it’s a sign that the white blood cells have begun the rebuilding process.

Stage 3: Rebuilding (proliferation)

After your body cleans the wound and wards off infection, it can start rebuilding the tissue. Red blood cells rich in oxygen help with wound healing by creating new tissue. Chemical messengers alert cells near the wound to produce collagen, a critical component in repairing the injury. At this stage, your wound will start forming a raised, red scar.

Stage 4: Tissue remodeling

Now your body has made it to the maturation or strengthening phase. The wound will probably appear pink, and the skin over it may look stretched. This pinkness is a good sign because it means the wound is almost healed. Over time, the redness will fade, and inflammation will subside, but it may leave a scar depending on the injury.

As the body’s largest organ, the skin helps protect your internal organs and keeps vital nutrients in the body. It also provides a barrier against harmful substances and shields the body from too much radiation emitted by the sun. When you get a skin injury, it also ensures you heal properly by sending essential proteins to the wound site. The cells help close the wound and keep infections at bay.

While more research is necessary to understand keratinocytes’ role in wound healing, this study marks a huge breakthrough. Now, scientists know that two genes, GRHL3 and Fscn1, work together to close wounds and promote healing.

wound healingFinal Thoughts: UC Irvine researchers reveal new molecular pathway in wound healing

Scientists recently found that a molecular pathway involving two genes plays a critical role in wound healing. It becomes activated in normal acute wounds, but alterations in this pathway can cause chronic injuries. In people with diabetic ulcers, for example, keratinocytes don’t function properly. Researchers will need further studies on keratinocytes’ immune functions in wound repair and chronic wound pathology.

However, this study hopes that a better understanding of molecular pathways involved in wound healing will lead to improved therapies.

20 Things That Help You Never Forget Why You Fell in Love

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Couples who have great relationships have learned that it doesn’t take a lot of money or fame to be truly happy with one another. You can show affection in unique ways that don’t require one penny. When you go out of your way to make your partner’s day, these romantic gestures don’t go unnoticed. Besides, they can remind you of why you fell in love, to begin with.

Sometimes, the cares of life can weigh heavy on you, and you need to remember why you fell in love in the first place. Since love is one of those mysteriously beautiful things that happen in your life, you must foster this relationship. If you desire the stuff of fairy tales, you must be willing to put in a little bit of work.

Twenty Gestures to Remind Partners Why They Fell in Love

Relationships are never easy, and even the best ones require lots of work to cultivate them into a masterpiece. However, you need to remind your special someone of all the reasons you fell in love. Besides that, it helps sustain you in difficult times. Here are twenty friendly gestures you can do to reiterate how much you love them.

fell in love1. Saying “I Love You” Every Day

When you’re in love, you want to hear it from the person who means so much to you. Sure, you know they love you, but there’s something about being reminded that gives you the reassurance you need. Try to tell your special someone how much they mean to you at least once a day.

2. Gazing Into Their Eyes

Sometimes it’s not the words you say that means as much as your body language. Gaze into their eyes like you’re looking at your future and the person that completes you. It’s a simple gesture that feels like your souls are connecting for a moment.

3. Surprise Gifts for No Reason

Everybody likes gifts, so why not give them one for no particular reason. Maybe they’ve had a challenging week at work, and a present is just what they need to help lift their spirits.

4. Love Letters and Sticky Notes Around the Home

It doesn’t matter if a person is 18 years old or 80; getting love letters is still remarkable. Why not leave some sticky notes in random places throughout the home? A gesture of sweet love letters reminds them of all the reasons why you fell in love.

5. Reminding Them You Still Tingle When You Touch

When you have an electrifying connection with someone, you can feel it when you touch. Just the hint of their breath on your neck can send your spine tingling. Remind them of why you still feel so many things for them, as it’s essential to know that you still have such romantic feelings.

6. Sharing Your Hopes and Dreams

Couples that want to be together for the long haul must be going in the same direction. One of the reasons you fell in love is that you both shared the same hopes and dreams. Never stop dreaming together.

7. Embracing Often

Hugging is a powerful connection that has fantastic benefits. According to SCL Health, when you embrace, you’re activating the endogenous opioid system within your brain, and it releases oxytocin.

Hugs can lower your stress levels, boost your immune system, lower your blood pressure, and decreased depression. It’s a little gesture that can have a profound effect on your body.

8. Make Out Sessions

You’re never too old to make out. It may seem childish even to use these words, but kissing is an integral part of connecting in your relationship. Your partner needs to know how passionately you feel about them, and kissing is a great way to show why you fell in love and still feel the same today.

9. Trying New Things in the Bedroom

No one likes the same old things over and over. So, when you spice things up a bit, you’re showing them how much you desire to be with them. Who knows, it may take the romantic aspects of your relationship to a whole new level.

10. Public Displays of Affection

Have you ever seen couples that share a booth at a restaurant but sit on the same side together? If you laughed or sneered at them for being so clingy, you might want to think again. Being close and having public displays of affection are very good for your relationship.

You don’t need to go over the top with the affection, but just showing the world that you’re in love and this is your person can mean a lot to both of you. Everyone would much rather see a couple holding hands and being close than fighting and arguing through dinner.

fell in love11. Going for a Nice Drive in the Country

Is there anything better than going for a drive in the country with the windows down and tunes jamming? Perhaps, you choose to have no music and listen to the sounds as you view Mother Nature’s magnificent display. Sometimes, you need to get away from it all and be silent and connect on a different level.

12. Cuddling

Cuddling has a profound benefit to the body. Did you know that there doesn’t need to be any romantic implications for you to get the benefits from being close? Much research has been done on this matter, and there are now people employed as professional cuddlers.

Of course, if you’re with someone you love, then you don’t need to pay someone to cuddle with you. Whether you’re watching television or curling up in bed for the night, cuddling can be beneficial. Sarah Hunter Murray Ph.D. wrote an article on Psychology Today that talks about why cuddling is good for your health.

Cuddling doesn’t always lead to more intimate matters, but it certainly gets those feel-good hormones of oxytocin flowing, which has numerous benefits to your body.

13. Candlelight Dinners

Candlelight dinners are more memorable than just cooking something your partner likes. This is a gesture that shows intimacy and dedicated time in an intimate setting. Sure, you can cook their favorite dish, but you need to focus on making this unique and romantic.

Even if you have children at home, the beautiful thing about a candlelight dinner is that it can be done at 9 pm after the kids are in bed. It’s a great way for busy parents to sneak some quality time in together and still man the home.

14. Flirt With Them

Flirting never gets old. You need to show that person why you fell in love in the first place, then remind them that they still got it. Catch their eyes in a crowded room and wink at them or play footsie at the table where no one else can see. These extraordinary things help to keep the passion and fire alive in your relationship.

15. Take Time for a Special Get-a-Way

You must throw caution to the wind and escape town. Everyone needs a change of scenery on occasion, and why not spend it with the one you love? Get a babysitter, if required, and sneak away for a bit of rest and relaxation with someone so special to you.

16. Keep Dating Night Alive

So many folks think that dating stops once you’re married or in a long-term committed relationship. On the contrary, you need to date them more than ever. Reconnect and remember all the reasons why they’re the ones that stole your heart, plus you need to keep things new and fresh too.

17. Give Massages

Massages can be sensual, or they can be essential after a long day of work. There’s something about the hands of the one you love being on your body that feels so nice. All those tired and achy muscles can benefit from a touch of true love, just like the rest of you.

18. Create a Story of Your Love Book

One of the newest creations is to create a book that illustrates the story of your love. These books can be unique because they show your past, present, and even hopes for the future.

You can use selfies and social media pictures or create something like you two in character form. It’s a fun way to remind you of why you fell in love that you can share for years to come.

19. Take Care of One Another During Sickness

It’s often said that you don’t honestly know what love is until you experience the bad times with your partner. Taking care of someone when they’re so sick is one of those times. Making chicken noodle soup, getting honey and lemon for their cough, and doing things to ease their pain is another way to show your affection.

20. Go For A Walk

Walking together, under the stars, is another way to show someone how much you love them. The stars shining down on you as well as the moon add tranquility to an evening’s stroll. It allows you to connect under the veil of Mother Nature’s beauty and splendor.

fell in loveFinal Thoughts on Gestures to Remind Partners Why They Fell in Love

Though there are 20 suggestions here to help you show a person why you fell in love, there are 100s of things that you can do. The important thing is that you do something to show this person why they’re still number one in your mind and heart.

Relationships are tricky, and it takes a great deal of effort to make one work, so why not do these extraordinary things that make yours great?

5 Ways To Be Happy With What You Have

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Do you feel like, no matter how much you gain, it’s never enough to be happy with what you have? Do you find yourself yearning for more and more? Do you feel pressured to be better, act nicer, be fitter, be more thoughtful, and however much you improve, society still expects more?

Even though today’s living standards are higher than ever, people still fail to find satisfaction in what they have. Because of social expectations or misunderstandings of self-compassion, people are harsher on themselves than ever before. This pressure can cause you to lose track of yourself and your happiness. So, if you feel like you cannot reach joy in your current context, here are some ways to fix that.

What Is Happiness?

In simplest terms, happiness is described as an experience that makes you feel joy, satisfaction, contentment, and fulfillment. It is the state of being happy, of going through pleasurable experiences. While the term can have many definitions, it always involves positive emotions and life satisfaction.

Because it is such a broadly defined term, psychologists use “subjective well-being” when referring to this state. This term focuses on an individual’s overall personal feelings about their life in the present.

Many psychologists argue against the misconception that happiness results from bouncing one joy to the next. Achieving happiness involves times of discomfort or hardships. This stems from the idea that you cannot feel positive emotions without having lived through negative ones. Without knowing pain, good things will not bring you joy. You would be in a state of monotony at all times. So, contrary to popular belief, happiness is not the absence of pain, but rather the understanding that life is still worth fighting for.

With this premise in mind, how can you be at peace with what you have?

what you have5 Ways To Be Happy With What You Have

Try these tips to be happy with what you have.

1.    Stop Having Preconceptions to Be Happy With What You Have

Have you ever wondered why small children always seem to be happy? Whether it’s raining, cold, or if they fell and scraped their knee, they always seem to find something to bring them joy. They can get sad and hurt, but they always bounce back, sometimes maybe even happier than before. It seems pretty peculiar.

At first glance, you might think, “they just don’t understand how hard life is.” But that’s not the whole story. The truth is, they don’t have preconceptions about what happiness should be.

The problem is, as people grow older, they start succumbing to social norms and peer pressure. They start believing happiness means nice things, a big house, and a fancy job. And maybe to some, that’s true.

Not having preconceptions about happiness is integral to accepting your life. It means you aren’t conditioning it upon certain things that may or may not happen. If you prepare your well-being upon getting a particular job, chances are you will never be fulfilled. Craving a sure thing creates a lack of the object of your desire.

Happiness is subjective, characterized by what you decide you value. To feel absolute joy, you need to have an attitude shift. Decide to value what you already have rather than what you could have. That way, your happiness will be genuine rather than tied to specific events that might not even happen.

2.    Understand The Reasoning Behind Your Actions

Wanting to improve yourself can be a powerful motivator. But it can be a slippery slope. If you aren’t careful, it can turn into unattainable wants that disallow you to enjoy the present. This is why you need to understand why exactly do you want growth. Is it for yourself or because you think that is what others expect of you?

If you have urges, understand where they come from. Needing new clothes all the time can stem from insecurity, for example. When you know why the cravings exist, you can work on the core issue instead of patching things up by buying new things.

Your wants could be more than urges. They could come from a personal desire rather than the need to mask problems. In that case, they are worth pursuing. Wanting a better job because your current one makes you miserable is entirely legitimate.

Work on differentiating between wanting something for yourself and urges created by societal pressure. Let go of urges and pursue your actual wants. This way, you will be inspired to be better rather than feel bad for working on yourself. You will find that you feel less stressed and overall happier.

what you have3.    Break Comparisons to Be Happy With What You Have

Humanity is far better off now than ever before. Most people are far more prosperous than people living a few hundred years ago. There are fewer diseases—more human rights. You are far less likely to die violently. By comparison, you should be thrilled. Then why aren’t you happy with your life? Unfortunately, most people base their satisfaction on comparing themselves with their peers, especially the ones better off.

Even though you are better off than your forefathers, you overlook that. What you do notice are the ones wealthier, healthier, and more attractive than you. Comparison will never let you enjoy your achievements. Whatever you do, there will always be someone who has achieved more.

To be genuinely happy, you have to let go of comparisons. You must learn to enjoy yourself and your actions without worrying about others.

Comparison is not a measurement of success. You never know where the one you’re comparing yourself with has started from. Maybe someone had more opportunities than you. Perhaps they had more connections. Whatever it is, the comparison doesn’t mean anything because you will never know the full context. Comparison is also discouraging and will make it harder for you to focus on yourself.

To break comparisons effectively, you need to focus on yourself. Build a stable inner world and trust yourself. Learn to be proud of who you are. Find your talents and strengths and focus on them rather than beating yourself up for your weaknesses. Most importantly, have self-compassion.

Try avoiding social media and be careful how you pick your friends. Strive for people in your life who will build you up, not tear you down.

4.    Embrace Little Things

Things aren’t always great. Sometimes the weather is awful. Sometimes you ruin your morning by spilling your coffee. Sometimes things are worse. You have family issues, job issues, maybe even health issues. Yes, life is complicated, and sometimes it can even feel crushing. But perspective always makes a difference.

If life is already hard, there’s no reason to make it harder. Be present and indulge in the little things. I know it seems like a cliché, but if you try to give it a chance, it will improve your mood. Enjoy a cuddle with your pet. The smell of freshly cut grass. A nice cup of tea on a rainy day.

You can do so many things for free or for very cheap that can bring you joy. As long as you remember to look on the bright side, your days will become increasingly happier.

Learn to be grateful for even the smallest of good things in your life. Be thankful you had the time to enjoy a nice bubble bath. Or that you could get lost in a book, call a friend, or whatever else might have brought you joy. Studies show that being grateful for what you have is linked to greater life satisfaction. The more things you learn to appreciate, the more fulfilled you will be.

5.    Prioritize Experiences And People

Money and things come and go. But, and this sounds cheesy, but it’s true, experiences are forever. In life, there will be moments when you stand to lose every material thing you have. There will also be moments where you have everything you need. You never know when hardships will hit you and when you’ll risk losing it all.

Instead of running after things, run after experiences. No matter how hard life gets, memories stay with you. And, if you know how to cherish them, people also stay with you. No matter how wealthy or poor, you can all enjoy time with the ones you love in some way.

Focus on improving interpersonal relationships rather than wasting time chasing a promotion. Stay away from consumerism because it’s easy to get sucked into it. The truth is, things will only make you so happy. Maybe it will give you the allure of happiness for a moment, but it will never provide long-lasting fulfillment. Accumulate less, live more.

Having the accumulation of material things as your main goal will never satisfy you with the present. You will get stuck chasing more and more, and it will never be enough. It will only bring you pain long-term. It will take over all your free time, disallowing you to focus on the critical things. What good does money do if you work so much you can’t ever be with your family? Don’t allow yourself to be distracted from what’s important and create memories and connections. Travel, enjoy hobbies, go out with people, be free and present. You will feel instantly happier about who you are and what you have.

what you haveFinal Thoughts On Ways To Be Happy With What You Have

Being disappointed about your present life is a standard and valid feeling. Sometimes, people can’t wrap their heads around contentment with the present.  In reality, you can be happier with less and learn to let go of irrational urges.

Try to build your own rules about how happiness should be, instead of having preconceptions. Happiness is subjective, so you should never let someone else tell you when you’re allowed to feel it. It’s alright to want to better yourself, but do it for your good, not because of peer pressure. Learn to stop comparing yourself to others and embrace the little things in life. And lastly, remember that people and memories are infinitely more valuable than material things. Taking these steps will allow you to feel genuine joy and be happy with what you have.

12 Ways to Get More Exercise (Without The Gym)

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A sedentary lifestyle is unhealthy, but how can you get more exercise when you’re tied to a desk or don’t have time? A scary fact is that a sedentary lifestyle will kill you quicker than heart disease. If you sit for more than six hours each day, including playing video games, working, or watching TV, you live a sedentary lifestyle. How can you get more exercise when you’re not moving?

According to Facts Institute, Nauru is the most obese country globally, with more than 88 percent of the population being overweight. America still ranks pretty high on the list, as more than 67 percent of the people here have more weight on their frames than is necessary.

The danger of being 20 pounds overweight is how hard it is on your body. When you have extra fat in your system, it can cause insulin problems that lead to Type 2 diabetes. According to Harvard Health, other issues like kidney problems, erectile dysfunction, and sleep apnea. While it may seem like a few vanity pounds to you, it can mean dangerous things for your body.

To keep yourself happy, the American Heart Association recommends that you move at least 150 minutes each week by doing exercise. If you divide that by each day, it’s a mere 21 minutes. Surely there is something that you can do to move for at least a few minutes each day?

Twelve Easy Ways To Sneak In More Exercise

So maybe you don’t have time to go to the gym, or perhaps you don’t have exercise equipment at home, but you can find ways to move more. It doesn’t require some extensive plan to get in shape; you can find ways to sneak more movement into your day. Here are some easy ways to move more without even realizing you’re exercising.

get more exercise1. Get More Exercise by Parking Further Away From Stores and the Office

If you go around in circles trying to find the closest spot to the store or your workplace, you’re missing out on a chance to get in more steps. Park further away from the store and use a pedometer to ensure you’re getting around 10,000 steps each day. It will make a big difference in your waist by doing this small trick.

2. Get Up Once an Hour to Get More Exercise

If you sit in an office all day long, try getting up and going for a walk once an hour. It would help if you get your body moving, so a stroll around the office is perfect. Don’t sit in the cafeteria on your lunch break, as you need to get out and get some fresh air.

A stroll around the parking lot or in a nearby store may be just what you need to get more steps into your day.

3. Use the Stairs Instead of the Elevator

Do you opt for the elevator because it’s easier? Yes, there are many times that an elevator is a better choice, especially if you’re carrying stuff. However, do you know how much fat you can burn if you take the stairs instead?

Unless you live on the 22nd floor of a high-rise, taking the stairs can be a healthy way to get more movement into your day.

4. Try Public Transport Instead of Driving

Now public transportation isn’t available to everyone. Consequently, most systems require you to do some walking. Not only is public transportation environmentally friendly, but it’s good for your body too.

Instead of getting in the car right outside your door, challenge yourself to walk five blocks to the metro or subway system. You will be amazed how much this can help in your journey to get more exercise.

5. Get More Exercise by Cleaning Every Day

Did you know that you can burn anywhere from 150-300 calories cleaning for an hour? According to Captain Calculator, it’s a great way to burn some fat while doing something you need to do anyway. Dedicate an hour to straightening up your home, running the vacuum, and doing other chores. It’s an effortless way to help rev up your metabolism.

6. Use an Exercise Ball Chair Instead of the Standard Office Chair

Office chairs are pretty boring, and they can be hard on the backside, but have you seen the new exercise ball chairs? Not only are they supposed to be great on your muscles and joints, but you can bounce on them during the day. While this doesn’t seem like it would amount to much, it’s keeping you moving rather than being sedentary.

While they’re not going to help, like cardio for cardiovascular fitness, they can help you build or improve your muscle mass.

get more exercise7. Opt For a Standing Desk Rather Than a Sitting One

If you must work at a desk, you have options, so you don’t have to sit down all day. The standing desk allows you to work while you stand or pace the floor. It gets you to moving more because you’re not tied to a chair for long periods.

If you can’t stand for a total of eight hours, then choose a desk that can be for standing or sitting by simply raising and lowering the surface.

8. Take an Evening Walk

What’s the first thing you do when you come home in the evening? Do you grab your pajamas and plop down on the couch? It’s okay to be honest, as this is what most people do after a long, stressful day of work.

Thankfully, you have another option that can help you to relax. Go outside in the cool of the evening and take a walk. Don’t talk on your phone as you stroll around the block, but let your mind absorb all the healing benefits of nature.

Let the gentle breeze grace across your skin and lower your anxiety, as well as allow your eyes to pick out beautiful flowers in your path. Enjoying nature is a very grounding experience, and it can help you get more exercise into your day.

9. Ride Your Bike More (It Can Be FUN to Get More Exercise!)

A recent article in the Huffington Post gave 19 reasons why riding your bike was a great form of exercise. First, it tends to be low impact, which is excellent for bad knees and stiff joints. It can help you to build muscle mass, and it’s perfect for anyone to do.

If arthritis makes moving hard for you, then swimming and cycling are two great options.

10. Have a Dance Party With Your Family

Parents are always looking for great ways to spend time with their kids in the evening. There are very few children that don’t like to dance, so why not bust a move for your health? If you want to get more exercise, why not dance to add a few steps into your day?

Some people won’t think that dancing is proper exercise. However, when you’re done, you will be sweating, tired, and your muscles will hurt. It’s way more of a workout than you could ever imagine, and it’s an excellent way to sneak in some physical activity without feeling like a boring exercise session.

11. Hand Wash Your Car

Those nice automatic carwashes are all the rage, but they’re just allowing folks to be more sedentary. Why not hand wash your car instead? Plus, who doesn’t love playing in the water anyway?

12. Go Grocery Shopping Instead of Using Click Lists

Click lists and instant carts have changed the way Americans  shop for groceries. While it’s easy, safer, and convenient, it’s not the best for your body. Not only can you log the steps on your pedometer, but you can also really burn some calories by pushing the cart, walking around the store, and loading and unloading all that food.

While you might not always have the time to do a big haul at the local supermarket, it’s well worth the effort to try to do it a couple of times a month.

get more exerciseFinal Thoughts on Sneaking Ways to Get More Exercise

Americans live a very sedentary lifestyle, and many wonder how to get more exercise into their day. The problem is that most think of expensive gym memberships and taking time away from home, and they become overwhelmed with the entire picture. The good news is that you don’t need to spend money to get healthy.

You can take what you have and learn practical ways to move more. While your food choices do matter, you will find the answer for the extra 10-30 pounds you have packed on if you examine your lifestyle. If you move more, you can eat more of the foods you want without guilt.

If you can’t give up that candy bar with dinner, don’t feel guilty about the extra 250 calories. Just move more to work off the excess food. You can work off that candy with a stroll around the block, a spin on your cycle, or parking your car a great distance from the store.

What other ways can you utilize to move more and stop being so sedentary? Since each person’s life and circumstances are different, you can develop effective methods that work for you and your situation. Isn’t it worth the extra effort to be healthy?

15 Reasons Some People Experience Heightened Sensitivity

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Why are some folks more sensitive than others? It’s a question that’s plagued many since the dawn of time. Some people tend to wear their emotions on their sleeves, and you must tiptoe with care around those who have heightened sensitivity.

What happens if you’re one of these people with heightened sensitivity? Do others feel like they must walk on eggshells around you because you’re so sensitive. Perhaps, you take everything to heart, but you really don’t mean to do so.

Each person on this planet has a unique personality that makes them who they are, but some people have sensitivities that make life more challenging. Some experts would argue that these sensitivities make you more open to the spiritual world and give you the ability to empathize with others.

However, some would say that it’s because of your heightened sensitivities, and it can affect your life and meaningful relationships. You can breathe a sigh of relief because your emotional state is something that is formed from a combination of genetics, experience, and life, and it takes real work to control it.

Fifteen Reasons Why Some People Have Heightened Sensitivity

Many theories abound on why some people tend to be a bit more sensitive than others. Here are fifteen common reasons why these sensitivities exist.

heightened sensitivity1. Sleep Deprivation May Stem from Heightened Sensitivity

You know that you need good sleep every night, or you will be a bear the following day. However, did you know that sleep deprivation can mess with your mood, mental wellbeing, and ability to function? Did you know that sleep deprivation can set in as quickly as 11 hours without any shuteye?

Medical News Today cited a study that found that 50-70 million people in this country aren’t getting enough rest, and the lack of sleep is a real issue. Your senses, emotions, and overall feelings are all over when your body doesn’t rejuvenate through rest.

2. You’re a Human Being

If you feel a bit off and emotional today, don’t worry; you’re only human. You’re allowed to have those off days. People feel normal emotions throughout their lives, and if you’re sad, happy, mad, or exhilarated, it’s all part of living. The only time your emotional wellbeing is a concern is when it’s affecting your everyday life.

3. Trauma Can Create a Sense of Heightened Sensitivity

When a terrible event happens to you that causes trauma, it rewires your brain and causes changes within your mind. It’s not abnormal for you to feel sensations like fear, shame, sadness, anger, rage, and sorrow.

Traumas can be violent in nature, or it can be something like a car accident. However, anything that upsets your sense of normality and shakes you to the core can affect your emotions.

4. Genetic Links

What would you think if you were told that your genetics could dictate your emotional state? Many studies have been done on genetic components of emotional sensitivity, and it seems that fighting your parent’s demons may be an issue.

If one of your parents or grandparents had problems with mental illness like depression, anxiety, and personality disorders, it increases the chances that you will fight the same things.

5. You Have Sensory Processing Sensitivity

Sensory processing sensitivity is an issue that affects about 20 percent of people, per the National Library of Medicine. When you have this disorder, you see and feel things differently than most individuals. Even a loud noise like a church bell ringing, the alarm clock sounding, or a train whistle can put you on edge.

It’s not bad or wrong to be sensitive, as it’s just who you are. It may be challenging to live in a world where noise is prevalent, so learning coping skills is imperative.

6. You’re Depressed

If you feel depressed and hopeless, you’re one of more than 300 million people who feel this way. The United Nations states that it’s the leading cause of disability and illness across the globe. When you’re depressed, your emotions are not at a normal level. There are also issues with mood regulation as well as irritability.

It’s essential to get assistance when you sense the pangs of depression sweep in, as effective treatments can help.

7. There’s an Underlying Personality Disorder Causing Heightened Sensitivity

Personality disorders are commonplace these days, and they can cause significant issues with emotional regulation. People with this mental health condition often experience mood swings, hypersensitivity, anger, stress, and inappropriate emotional responses. Some of the most diagnosed personality disorders today are borderline, obsessive-compulsive, and narcissistic personality disorder, though many others exist.

heightened sensitivity8. You Have a Poor Diet

If you sit down to a four-course meal with mashed potatoes, steak, corn, rice, biscuits, and chocolate cake, you might not feel as good mentally as you would if you chose a salad. Everything that you ingest has a direct effect on your body, and this includes your mental health.

If you noticed that you’re feeling overly emotional these days, then do a quick inventory of what you’ve eaten. You may be surprised to find that your heightened sensitivity comes from the foods you’ve consumed.

9. You’re Dealing With Grief

Losing someone you love is a process that is impossible to understand. Many people experience heightened sensitivity from the grief they feel. Grief can be more than losing someone to death, as it can be caused by so many things in your life.

Every person handles loss differently, so don’t beat yourself up too badly. Time has a way of healing wounds.

10. There’s Hormone Fluctuations

Your hormones are a powerful force that helps to control your body. When there’s an imbalance, it can cause heightened sensitivity and a change in your emotions.

The most common hormonal imbalances in the body come from things like your thyroid, menopause, polycystic ovary syndrome, stress, and premenstrual syndrome. Females tend to be more susceptible to hormone fluctuations than men.

11. There Have Been Major Changes in Your Life

Any changes that occur in your life can affect you and cause heightened sensitivity. Have you recently divorced, experienced a job change, had a baby, or moved to a new home?

These are all things that shake up the pattern of routine that you’ve become accustomed to. Thankfully, things should return to normal once you settle into the changes.

12. You’re Not Getting Any Exercise

How many times have you hit the gym this week? If you’re feeling overly emotional, it could be because you need to work out. When you’re moving and grooving, you’re increasing vital hormones that control your moods and emotions.

So, the next time you feel overly sensitive, try going for a walk or run around the block. The chances are that this activity will be just what you need to change the way you feel.

13. Heightened Emotions Caused by ADHD

When most folks think of Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, they think of the child that can’t sit in their seat for long periods. However, there are many other symtoms of ADHD that people don’t discuss.

One of the common issues with this mental health disorder is that it magnifies your emotions. It’s commonplace for people with this condition to experience irritability, anger, or anxiety many times throughout the day.

14. You Have Uncontrolled Anxiety

Anxiety is a normal part of life, and it helps to protect you in times of danger. However, the fight or flight experience that you feel can kick into overdrive due to a vast overproduction of hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.

Anxiety can make you think and feel things that aren’t real, and it can cause you to have heightened sensitivity to the world around you. It can disrupt your life if you have an underlying anxiety disorder, but it’s a treatable condition.

15. You’re Stress Levels Are Too High

If you’re stressed out, then it can have a significant impact on your body. Stress makes you more emotional than average, and it’s a sign that it’s affecting your mental health. You might recognize the signs of being overly stressed if you cry a lot, and you tend to feel like you’re a time bomb about to explode.

heightened sensitivityFinal Thoughts on Experiencing Heightened Sensitivity

If you experience issues with heightened sensitivity, you need to decipher what the underlying issue is that’s causing this condition. In many instances, the reason for your sensitivity is something that is circumstantial and can be fixed. However, it’s possible that your hardwiring is designed as a person who is more sensitive than others.

The next time someone tells you that you’re too emotional or wear your emotions on your sleeve, remind them that you’re hardwired this way. You’re unique, and you don’t have to apologize to anyone for how you were created. Now, if your emotions are getting in the way of relationships or functioning daily, then it’s time for you to seek help and understanding on the matter.

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