You might think that pleasing other people makes you seem kind and sweet, but it is more complex than that. Being a people-pleaser can harm your mental health and hold you back in life. While pleasing other people might be your automatic response in most situations, changing that mindset is essential.
When you’re always trying to please others, you put yourself and your desires last. Not only does this not leave much time for letting loose, but it also hinders your personal growth and purpose. Plus, you can’t benefit those around you if you aren’t taking care of yourself.
Sometimes, your desire to please other people stems from not wanting to see others struggle. It could also be that you don’t want to disappoint others. These issues sometimes develop as a reaction to traumatic life experiences.
Twenty Mantras That Help You Stop Pleasing Other People
If you constantly put other people’s needs before yours, you negatively impact your life and the life of those around you. Find a balance, or you’ll experience unhappiness and lack of fulfillment. These mantras can help you stop focusing on pleasing other people and shift that focus to yourself.
When you live for yourself, you can meet all of your needs and fulfill your desires. Use this mantra to remind you of that when you face the urge to please others instead. You don’t have to live your life for others, so prioritizing self-love and self-care can be your priority.
2. I can’t take care of others if I don’t take care of myself first.
If you aren’t taking care of yourself, you won’t have much to give others. Take care of yourself first, and then you can consider helping others as long as it doesn’t negatively affect you. If you don’t take care of yourself, you will experience an imbalance and won’t adequately handle things.
Working on not pleasing other people can help you prioritize yourself. Then, when there’s something you want to do or someone you want to help, you will be prepared.
3. It is not selfish for me to stop pleasing others and take care of myself instead.
Many people-pleasers think that it’s selfish if they say no to other people sometimes. However, saying no doesn’t make you selfish because selflessness requires that you are happy and healthy. Take care of yourself and focus on fulfillment in your life, then continue your selfless way of helping others.
You can’t do as much or perform as effectively if you are feeling empty. If you are unhealthy, burnt-out, or neglecting yourself, things won’t go as planned. Remember this the next time you feel selfish for putting yourself first.
4. If I live my life pleasing others, I give them the things that I need.
Anytime you put someone else before you, you are giving away things that you need. Whether it is time, energy, or choices, you are letting your needs and desires fall to the bottom of the list. Don’t sacrifice yourself for others because it prevents you from getting what you need.
5. I must put myself and my needs first so that my world doesn’t crumble.
If you don’t put yourself first, your life could fall apart. By giving so much to others, you don’t allow yourself to keep your life in line. You might lose energy or sink into a depression, affecting all areas of your life.
If you continue pleasing other people instead of putting yourself first, it can cause serious issues. It can affect your career, relationships, well-being, and mental health. Plus, it can eliminate boundaries and allow people to think they can do or say anything to you.
6. I am not letting the needs of others disrupt my peace.
When people need or want something from you, consider if it will disrupt your peace. If you do things that disrupt your mental well-being, it can cause resentment and unhappiness. Plus, it isn’t sustainable long-term.
When you put your needs first in these instances, it allows you to meet your needs. Meeting your needs and considering your desires will improve your life rather than disrupt your peace. Use this mantra to help you find happiness, joy, love, and healthy relationships.
7. I can only find myself if I stop working to please others.
No matter how old you are, work on finding yourself. You’re constantly changing, so your mindset, desires, and needs change, too. If you always please other people, you won’t find yourself or identify your reality.
8. Even if I say no, it is not my fault someone else is unhappy.
You are not responsible for the happiness of others, no matter what they try to tell you. If they get upset or angry because you can’t put them first all of the time, don’t feel bad. You are allowed to say no, and anyone okay with that might not want what is best for you.
9. I recognize the importance of self-care, and I prioritize it.
If you ever forget the importance of self-care, repeat this mantra until you reaffirm it in your mind. Taking care of yourself must be a priority in your life. Spend time working out, sleeping, meditating, relaxing, or whatever else helps you recover from the stress of life.
10. When I take care of myself, I am spreading love throughout the world.
As explained before, taking care of yourself is not selfish. When you take care of yourself, it spreads love to everyone around you. It allows you to be your best and act with kindness as you interact with others.
Don’t avoid answering someone when they ask for something, or you’ll feel bad later. Instead, respectfully and kindly tell the person that you can’t help out. When you do it this way, you’ll feel relieved once it’s over, and you won’t have to live with the guilt.
If you’re open and honest with the person, they likely won’t be mad or upset that you couldn’t help. Ignoring it or being rude when you say no could cause tension, however. If you tell them respectfully and they are mad, remember that their happiness isn’t on you.
12. I can forge a unique path if I stop pleasing others and focus on my desires.
You can’t live your life for yourself if you always please other people. Following your path is only possible when you live for yourself and stop focusing on other people. Put yourself first and see where life leads you next.
13. I am not responsible for the feelings of anyone except myself.
Don’t hold yourself accountable for anyone else’s feelings. If you ever worry that saying no will make someone upset, you must repeat this mantra. You have to put yourself first even if the other person doesn’t take it well.
Many people want to please others to prevent them from being unhappy. When you live life this way, you’re always working to make others happy when that isn’t your responsibility. Focus on yourself first because your feelings are the only ones you are responsible for.
14. I am going to focus on the things that matter most to me.
Please make a list of the most important things to you, and then put them in order of importance. Then, make it a priority to focus on those things and ensure you have the time and energy for them. When you focus on the things that matter the most, you will feel happy and fulfilled even if you don’t please others.
15. I will not be a prisoner to others, and I am not seeking their approval.
When you focus your life on pleasing other people, you become a prisoner to them. You spend so much time doing things for other people that you never do what you want to or need to. Use this mantra to remind yourself that you don’t want to be a prisoner to others and that their approval doesn’t matter.
16. I am responsible for making decisions in my life.
When you live to please others, you don’t get to make the decisions for your life. You will live your life for others rather than for yourself. If you aren’t making the choices for yourself, someone else will make them, and you likely won’t feel fulfilled or happy.
17. I focus on my life path rather than approval from others.
Focus on your goals, desires, and values as you go through life. When you do this, it’ll help you continue on your life path rather than taking detours for others. Don’t worry about the approval of others as you focus on your journey because they aren’t the ones living your life.
18. I am focused on improving my self-respect.
People pleasers tend to suffer from a lack of self-respect. Since they spend so much time making other people happy, they begin to have negative thoughts and feelings about themselves. Use this mantra as a reminder to put yourself first and experience an improvement in your self-respect.
19. I know that those who ask me to give all of myself to them are not worth pleasing.
Anyone in your life that wants you to sacrifice your needs and desires isn’t worth the time or effort. The people that care about you will want you to put yourself first before helping them or anyone else. Use this mantra to remind yourself of your worth and what you deserve from others.
20. When I value myself, I attract valuable people and things.
Putting yourself first will help you attract valuable things and people in your life. With good people in your life, you won’t have to worry about being a people pleaser as much anymore. Valuable people understand that you must prioritize yourself, and they’ll never guilt you for doing so.
While helping others is a selfless act, there comes a time when it becomes too much. You shouldn’t constantly put other people before yourself, or you’ll suffer negative consequences. Instead, work on stopping pleasing other people so that you can live a fulfilling and happy life.
It might be a struggle to shift your mindset at first, so remember these mantras to help you. Once you make putting yourself first a habit, you won’t struggle to please others as often. Your journey won’t be perfect, but these mantras can help remind you of what’s most important.