Everyone longs for love, and many people seek to be in a fulfilling relationship. However, there are some instances when a relationship can become toxic. If you see these warning signs early, you can avoid toxic love and free your mind and heart to attract the love you truly deserve.
While the toxic person in the relationship is the one exhibiting negative behavior, there may be some habits you have to let go of so you can protect yourself from relationship danger.
“There are those whose primary ability is to spin wheels of manipulation. It is their second skin and without these spinning wheels, they simply do not know how to function.” ~C. JoyBell C
These Fifteen Things Might Attract Toxic Love into Your Life
Here are 15 habits that are causing you to attract toxic love.
One of the warning signs to look out for is your partner’s behavior. When someone is trying to manipulate you, they may be kind and charming until they get what they want from you. Observe your partner and see if they still show affection toward you after a disagreement or once you don’t honor their requests.
Don’t make excuses for your partner’s actions if they stop talking to you for long periods or start speaking harshly to you every time you express your opinion or don’t measure up to their expectations, no matter how small they may be. Make your observations known and make it clear that you don’t appreciate being manipulated.
2. You Allow People to Play Mind Games with You
Some people are so desperate to maintain a relationship that they accept toxic love in the form of mind games. You may not realize that your manipulative partner is trying to play with your mind and how you see reality. However, if you find that your partner starts leaving out details when explaining things to you or twists the truth when they are backed into a corner, they try to make you think that you’re crazy.
In an article in Psychology Today, Preston Ni, M.S.B.A. explains that this tactic intentionally balances the power in any relationship.
This manipulation is a control tactic that toxic people try to use to avoid apologizing or acknowledging unhealthy behavior. Ignoring these mind games is just one of the bad habits that will attract toxic people to you.
3. You Allow Your Partner to Control the Relationship
Over time, you may find that your partner is not satisfied unless they are in control. This is unhealthy for a relationship since you are supposed to work together to achieve fulfillment in your union and various parts of your life.
While it is normal to let your partner have the spotlight sometimes, especially when they celebrate a special moment in their lives, your significant other may be toxic if they always find a way to focus on them, even when it should be on you.
If your partner always feels that they know what is best for you and has a tantrum any time, you don’t want to do things their way. If you feel like you can never win with your partner, you’re likely dealing with a controlling individual.
4. You Don’t Call Your Partner Out for Being Unreliable
When you feel like you can’t depend on your partner, you may be experiencing toxic love. Don’t be so focused on being in a relationship that you excuse your partner’s behavior when they don’t show up for you. If your significant other never “have the time” to do favors for you but expects you to meet all their desires or doesn’t attend events that are important to you, this could be a sign that they are trying to get you to plead for their attention.
While it is natural to forget something your partner has asked you to do every once in a while, you shouldn’t accept this excuse every time your significant other proves to be unreliable.
5. You Stay In Relationships Longer Than You Should
You may feel that if you’ve been with your partner for a long time, you have to stay in the relationship because you’re invested. If your significant other senses this and is toxic, they may continue to verbally abuse or manipulate you since they know you won’t end the relationship.
After all, if you have children together and share a home and finances, it is more difficult to break free. In some cases, toxic partners will break up with you. Once they see that you have finally accepted the end of the relationship, they will rekindle things, which puts you in an unhealthy relationship cycle.
6. You Change Who You Are
Relationships are about compromise, but you shouldn’t become a different person just because you have a significant other. You want someone who loves you for who you are, and if you want to avoid attracting toxic love, you can change who you are just for the sake of a relationship.
The right person will appreciate your authenticity and help you grow mentally and spiritually.
7. You Give Too Much
One of the red flags you should look for when you enter into a relationship is a person that expects you to do all the giving. It’s important to share and be open in a relationship, but your partner should do the same.
If you’re always the one who has to compromise and your partner is never willing to bend, you are likely dealing with a manipulator. So set those boundaries, and don’t feel guilty for doing so.
If you’ve been in a toxic relationship before, you may be very guarded in your dealings with others. You may come across as arrogant or closed off before you’re afraid of being hurt again. Toxic people can sense this and will often pursue you so you can feel even worse about yourself.
It’s important to take time to heal before getting into another relationship so you can be wise without giving off undesirable energy.
9. You’re Scared to Tell the Truth
To have a loving and satisfying connection, you must be honest with your partner. If you’re afraid to tell the truth, because you’re afraid that your partner will be violent or unwilling to hear you out, this is one of the warning signs that you may be in a toxic relationship.
Even if your partner feels irritated by what you have to say, you shouldn’t be scared to speak up.
10. You Allow Your Partner to Complain Too Much
A report in Psych Central warns,
“Over time chronic complaining will destroy nearly any relationship.”
When you do something nice for your partner or make a special effort to ensure their happiness, it is wonderful to expect them to be grateful.
When you work hard to make your relationship enjoyable, you shouldn’t allow your partner to constantly criticize you and make you feel that you can’t do anything right. After all, your significant other should make you feel better about yourself, not worse.
11. You Take the Blame for Your Partner
Do you find that you accept the blame for your significant other’s actions? According to Christine Carter, Ph.D. with the University of California Berkeley, you should definitely watch for this red flag. You may be so afraid that your partner will leave if they have to be accountable for their actions. This can cause you to excuse unacceptable things.
If you’re taking responsibility for your mistakes, your partner should as well.
12. You’ve Lost Your Passion for Life
If you’ve been ridiculed by past lovers or family members about the things you’re passionate about, you may try to suppress these things when you get into a new relationship. Being in a toxic relationship can cause you to disregard the things that are important to you.
You must regain your love of the hobbies and causes that make you who you are; it will remind you that you’re unique and should be treated with care.
13. You Always Seem to Seek Approval
We all want our partners to understand and connect with us on a deep, mental, and intimate level. However, it would help if you always weren’t looking for approval from others, including your partner. When a toxic person knows that you crave their approval, they will mentally and verbally abuse you to make themselves feel powerful.
Strive to be secure in who you are so you won’t attract toxic people.
14. You Don’t Have Faith In Yourself
When you don’t believe you are a wonderful person with great things to offer the world, you’ll be more likely to stay in an unhealthy relationship. When you have confidence in yourself, which is the ability to embrace and improve on your flaws, showcase the best parts of who you are, you can attract confident people and sense when someone doesn’t mean you well.
15. You Are Afraid to Be Alone
If you are a person who thrives on the idea of being with someone, this could be one of the bad habits that keep connecting you with toxic love.
We all have a natural desire for connection, but you have to be comfortable being alone. This will teach you valuable things about who you are and what you require in a relationship. Spending quality time alone also helps you be honest about what you can give to your partner.
Final Thoughts: Your Habits May Attract Toxic Love
There are several signs that point to toxic love in your relationship. If you are always trying to excuse your partner’s bad behavior or find that you’re always attracting people who don’t have your best interest in mind, keep these red flags in mind to avoid unhealthy relationships in the future. You’ll find that you have more peace of mind and will finally attract the satisfying relationship you desire.