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5 Ways to Tell If Your Partner Turned You Into An Emotional Hostage

June 23, 2021 by Power of Positivity

It’s one thing to be captivated by love, but it’s quite another matter to be held as an emotional hostage.

Such a toxic relationship can be damaging physically, mentally, and spiritually. Unfortunately, you may overlook the subtle clues until you’re bound in the shackles of emotional abuse.

What does it mean to be held hostage by emotional abuse? Are there ways you can detect early warning signals and escape the toxicity? When you discover how to identify emotional abuse, how to avoid it, and how to break free, the experience can be empowering.

What is an Emotional Hostage?

Has your significant other taken you as an emotional hostage? This situation is also called emotional blackmail, but by either name, it’s abuse.

When someone uses guilt or fear to manipulate you into getting what they want, you are essentially their prisoner. Maybe they have temper tantrums or threaten to harm themselves or you if they don’t get their way. These toxic people won’t own up to their mistakes and shortcomings, and they shift all the blame to you.

Is your partner keeping you, prisoner, with guilt and other emotional blackmail? Are other people starting to notice how you are treated and are making comments? Here are five red flags that your partner is emotionally abusing you:

1. The Relationship is One-sided

The whole idea of being a couple is that both people have mutual love and benefits. When you love each other, you both learn to compromise to keep the relationship strong and healthy. If you have an emotionally abusive mate, you usually end up with the short end of the deal.

A healthy relationship makes you feel like a better person. You feel energized and inspired when you’re together. However, an emotionally abusive relationship zaps your energy and makes you feel desperate, trapped, and alone.

If you are constantly side-stepped for their needs, your relationship is probably toxic, and it’s time to reconsider.

2. You Walk on Eggshells

We all have our bad days when we snap at the first person who crosses our path. It’s usually our lover. Loving partners realize they’ve misspoken and will apologize and make things right.

You know that they’ve just had a bad day and didn’t mean to take it out on you. Such behavior should be the exception and not the rule. Is your significant other usually level-minded and easy-going, or do their moods and behaviors change from one minute to the next?

It’s stressful when you never know which personality you are going to get. You should be comfortable to voice your thoughts and opinions to your partner without fear or intimidation. If you are afraid to say or do anything because of how they react, you are an emotional hostage.

The entire atmosphere in your relationship will remain negative if you must walk on eggshells to keep them satisfied.

3. They Gaslight You

According to an article published by the National Domestic Violence Hotline, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where a toxic partner makes others feel like they’re going insane. They will twist your words and lie about facts so that you will doubt yourself. Gaslighting is often a malicious ploy used by someone with a narcissistic personality.

For example, if your partner has a gambling problem, they may use gaslighting to shift the blame to you. They may try to convince you that you are misplacing money or making mistakes in your joint accounts. The lies and abuse may seem so convincing that you feel overwhelmed, guilty, and incompetent.

Gaslighting can also be used in a social situation. For example, let’s say you and your mate attend a party with family or friends. These toxic personalities know how to work a crowd and win their trust.

On the other hand, maybe they get you in front of everyone with a false sense of concern, making you feel like you’re losing your mind. If this is a common tactic your significant other uses, then you are an emotional hostage. You can only listen to gaslighting for so long before you start to doubt yourself and develop mental issues.

Someone who loves you will build you up and never tries to destroy your self-confidence.

4. They’re Constantly Saying They Will Change

If you are an emotional hostage, your toxic partner’s goal isn’t to drive you away. Instead, they use manipulation and emotional blackmail to keep you in their clutches. It’s almost like you are a possession rather than a person.

Of course, you have every right to be frustrated and want to end an unhealthy relationship. However, when an emotional manipulator is confronted and feels threatened that you’re leaving, they may change tactics. Suddenly, they are a bucket of tears, and they “confess” how wrong they’ve been.

They expertly pull at your heartstrings and tell you how much you mean to them. You’ll probably hear the tired lines of “I can’t live one day without you” or “I can’t breathe if you aren’t with me.” How did they ever live or breathe before they met you?

During the deluge of crocodile tears come the bargains and promises. They swear that if you stay, they will change their unhealthy ways. They state they will never abuse you again, and you can start your relationship anew.

This is called the cycle of abuse, and you have a right to call it quits. If you stay in a toxic relationship hoping that an abusive partner will change, you’re only hurting yourself. This person may have serious psychological issues that need to be addressed before they consider any relationship.

While you are waiting for them to “change,” you continue to battle emotional blackmail that’s affecting your well-being.

5. The Abuse Expands to Other Forms

Many people tend to trivialize emotional abuse because it doesn’t leave visible marks. However, emotional and verbal abuse is just as severe and painful as physical and sexual abuse. Furthermore, all abuse is detrimental to your being.

If your abusive partner relies on one form of abuse, they’re not above using other ways if they feel threatened or desperate. Abuse is a dark maze that can take hairpin turns and dead ends with no warning. It may start as emotional blackmail, but soon they are abusing you physically and verbally.

An article published by National Center for Biotechnology Information states that at least 50 percent of Americans revealed that they experienced a lifetime of emotional abuse by their partner. Of these numbers, more survivors were female rather than male. The same was the case for other forms of abuse.

Maybe your partner’s abuse began subtly, or you consider it a one-time thing. Some abusers start with emotional abuse, and it snowballs into other forms. Their emotional abuse may intensify and morph into a life-threatening situation for you.

Breaking the Chains of Emotional Abuse

You can break the chains that bind you to emotional abuse, but it’s not an easy process. Additionally, you should know that it’s not going to happen overnight either. Here are some ways to break this toxic cycle.

1. Discuss the Issue with Your Partner

In the past, you may have tried to have a meaningful conversation with your mate. Maybe you’ve tried to get them to see that you feel trapped, and their behavior makes you feel hurt and worthless. This may be one of the times when they swear to change but be careful as they’re likely to go back to their old, abusive habits.

In the end, a toxic partner won’t listen to your concerns and will insist that you made them behave this way. Additionally, they may become enraged. Such behavior is a red flag that you are in an emotionally abusive relationship.

If you can’t get anywhere with your toxic mate, the relationship may be beyond repair. It’s a brutal reality to accept, but your well-being depends on being honest with yourself. Unfortunately, this problem will not disappear on its own, so your next step is to bring in reinforcement.

2. Call in the Troops

Being someone’s emotional hostage is serious and must be addressed. It is a situation that often requires outside support. If you feel that your partner is emotionally abusing you, reach out to trusted family members and friends. Discuss the situation openly with them and gain other perspectives.

You aren’t looking for someone to “pick sides.” Those who care will actively listen without interruption or judgment. Maybe some of their insight can help you see ways that you’re being abused that you’ve not considered.

3. Talk to a Mental Health Provider

You should seek professional advice from a mental health provider who specializes in dysfunctional relationships. They will listen to your concerns and will help you clearly see the situation. Plus, you will work on an effective plan to mend or end the relationship.

When you struggle with an emotionally abusive partner, you may feel afraid, powerless, and guilty. Being smothered by this negative energy can destroy your confidence and send you into a downward spiral of depression. Therapy can help you regain your life and the power to walk away.

Final Thoughts on Being an Emotional Hostage

A healthy relationship offers you the freedom to grow in love and joy together. If you are bound in the chains of emotional abuse, you have the power to be free. It’s time that you walk out of this prison of abuse into the light of hope and happiness.

15 Habits That Build Mutual Respect in a Romantic Relationship

June 23, 2021 by Deborah Tayloe

If you want a solid romantic relationship built on mutual respect, you must be willing to put some work into it. One partner cannot make all the effort, as it takes both people to get things to a good place. However, when you are striving to make things better, you can have the relationship you desire.

Fifteen Ways to Build Mutual Respect in Your Romantic Relationship

It’s possible to turn your entire relationship around in just 21 days. Experts say that you’ll subconsciously begin doing these sweet tasks when you make a practice of them in as little as three weeks. Here are some things that can help you to build mutual respect in your relationship.

1. Celebrate Milestones

What would life be without any celebrations? If your partner gets a promotion at work, you should celebrate. If you pay off a significant bill, then it’s a cause for celebration too.

When you learn to take time out from your day to celebrate these milestones, it feels good and allows you to develop a deeper relationship. So why not have a nice dinner and time away from the daily grind with the one you love? These happy occasions help sustain you when things aren’t so good.

2. Build Admiration for One Another

Think of respect as a two-way street with traffic coming and going. If one partner has all the respect and admiration, but the other doesn’t, then it will never work. The opposite of respect is rejection, and you won’t show your partner how much they mean to you when you’re disrespectful.

3. Take an Evening Walk Together

Something is refreshing about taking a walk together in the cool of the evening. Walking together and talking about your day, goals, and life generally helps your relationship. You develop mutual respect when you share a conversation and feel the comfort of one another’s intimacy.

4. Talk Each Other’s Love Language

Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages turned the romantic world on its head. Each person has a way they show and receive love. For some, words of affirmation mean so much, while others need acts of service or quality time.

Take time exploring your love language and your partners. It will open a whole new level to your relationship where mutual respect comes easily.

5. Communicating Without Restrictions

Communication is vital in any relationship. However, there should be no limitations on what you communicate about. You must be able to talk openly and freely about anything and everything.

6. Always Say, “I Love You.”

These three little words have such a powerful meaning. You should never forget to tell the one you love how much they mean to you, and you need to work it into your day at least once.

Some people overuse these words, and it loses their luster. However, before you hang up the phone, go to sleep, or leave for work, it should be the first thing that rolls off your tongue. Do you know how many people wish they could tell their spouse again how much they meant to them?

7. Appreciating One Another

Do you appreciate the things that your partner does for you? Also, do they understand you? When you respect one another, you learn to appreciate all those things they do, say and are to you.

8. Resolve Differences Quickly

Your relationship will have differences, but how you handle them says a lot about you. First, don’t be quick to anger, as this person is the one you love. Second, ensure you don’t go to bed angry, as you’re not promised tomorrow.

If you have a dispute, talk through things and work it out. Be willing to listen and eager to forgive. So many relationships are destroyed over petty things that should have been settled long ago. Additionally, if you start name-calling and using manipulation tactics in arguments, you’ve turned your union into a toxic one.

9. Go to Bed Together

One partner may like to stay up to 1 or 2 am, while the other person wants to be in bed by 11 pm. If you’re not going to bed at the same time, how do you expect to have a romantic relationship? Mutual respect is essential in the bedroom too.

Even if you need to read a book while they sleep, just having your body close to theirs will give them peace and help them rest. Don’t let your partner go to bed alone, as it can be an issue that causes a major rift.

10. Connect Throughout the Day

How many times have you heard someone say they’re too busy? Yet, people always tend to find time for what they want to do regardless of their schedule. Even if it’s using text messages and emails, you need to stay connected to your partner throughout the day.

Everyone has 5-10 minutes to check in on breaks at work. By establishing this connection throughout the day, you have less catching up to do at night, which frees up time for other things.

If you want to keep the romantic fires burning, you must make time for the one you love. A fascinating book written by J. Covey entitled How to Text a Girl, advises keeping a woman hooked through great text messages. But, of course, the same topic can also apply to men. This physics professor from the University of Illinois puts a scientific spin on a relationship that’s worth the read.

11. Make Physical Contact

Touch is powerful and can be healing. But did you know that embracing someone releases endorphins that can benefit your mental and overall health? According to a study published by the National Library of Medicine, women who received frequent hugs from their partners had lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.

Additionally, they also had lower blood pressure and a better heart rate. The power of touching one another is vital for your overall health, so even if it’s just holding hands or embracing, make sure that you take time for such acts.

12. Embrace Teamwork

When you become a couple, it’s no longer about you. As the old saying goes, there’s no “i” in teamwork. You’re a couple now, so you must view everything as mutual. No house or car is just yours when you put everything together. It takes time to adjust, but you must look at things from a team perspective rather than an individual one.

13. Enjoy the Little Things

It truly is the little things that make your relationship so unique. For example, do you get up and make coffee every morning for your partner, or do you start the car to make sure it’s nice and warm for them? All these small things add up, so make sure you’re appreciative of each one.

14. Speak Positively to Others About Your Partner

Every couple has issues they want to overcome, but you shouldn’t share them with those around you. Instead, keep your relationship private and only speak positive things about your partner when you’re with others.

Your words have power, and if you continuously speak negative things about your partner, you will soon gather support from others. If you have an issue with your mate, you should talk to them about these issues and not everyone else.

15. Help with Household Chores

This certainly isn’t as fun as celebrating or having a date night, but it’s an integral part of a relationship. The household load should be 50/50, primarily if you both work full-time jobs. If one person is carrying the majority of the workload, it will cause significant issues.

Both parties must pull together to accomplish the mundane tasks, which will leave more time for fun and enhancing your relationship.

Final Thoughts on Mutual Respect in Romantic Relationships

Even the best relationship is demanding and requires lots of time and effort. However, whatever you put into your union will repay in dividends. You will see positive changes when you put the fifteen new behaviors listed above into practice.

Have you seen people who’ve been married for forty to fifty years and think there’s no way you could ever do that? The difference between these people and many others is that they didn’t give up. Sure, there were many times that they could and probably should have walked away, but they committed to one another to stay.

Don’t be so eager to move onto the next relationship when you have someone you know that completes you, but there are issues. Sure, there are many available folks out there, but each time you give your heart away, they keep a piece of it. The more relationships you go through, the more emotional baggage you carry.

You can change your current relationship by incorporating mutual respect. It will make you a happier, more accomplished person, and it doesn’t require any money.

10 Daily Affirmations That Help You Prioritize Self-Care

June 23, 2021 by Sarah Barkley

Sometimes it’s easy to put self-care last on your to-do list, but you should always prioritize it.

Self-care includes anything that promotes physical or emotional health, prevents disease, or helps you cope. Making self-care part of your daily routine can help you establish positive habits and improve your overall well-being.

You can learn to nurture your well-being while taking care of yourself and enjoying your life. Unfortunately, people often neglect self-care because it takes time that is sometimes hard to find. With busy lifestyles, time is essential, but taking care of yourself should be prioritized every time.

When you find yourself struggling to prioritize self-care, daily affirmations will help. Repeating these phrases each day will remind you of the importance of taking care of your physical and emotional health. When you make yourself a priority, you will quickly notice an improvement in your levels of life satisfaction.

Ten Daily Affirmations That Help You Prioritize Self Care

One reason that many people neglect self-care is that it makes them feel selfish. Remind yourself that self-care is not selfish, and it helps you become a better person for those around you. You deserve just as much love and care as everyone else, so make yourself a priority.

1. I stick to a self-care routine.

Developing and sticking to a routine can help you find time every day to take care of yourself. When you are creating your routine, there are a few things to consider. First, think about what makes you feel most satisfied and determine how you can incorporate them into your daily life.

Then, set aside time to relax and unwind each day, no matter how busy life is. As you adjust to your routine, make changes that better apply to your daily life and schedule. For example, you might realize that your self-care priorities change, and that will require a shift in your routine, too.

2. I limit screen time during my self-care experiences.

When you are spending time taking care of yourself, avoid social media and other types of screen time. Once you start scrolling, you will waste your precious time on something that isn’t beneficial. Plus, screen time leads to comparison and other negative behaviors that interfere with self-care.

On average, adults spend more than three hours a day on their phones. Think of all the things that you could do with an extra three hours in your day. Anytime you are tempted to interrupt self-care time for a device, repeat this daily affirmation.

When you aren’t staring at an electronic device, you will become more aware of your surroundings. As a result, you will find that it is easier to live in the moment, improving your happiness and overall mood.

3. I only focus on the things that I’d like to achieve today.

Write yourself a to-do list each day with all of the things you want to get done. You can plan it down to the hour, or it can be a simple list of activities. Ensure you include self-care on the to-do list so that it remains a priority.

Once you have made your daily list, use this affirmation to make sure you stay on track. Then, anytime you get distracted, repeat this affirmation. That way, you have time for everything, you will feel less stressed, and you will get to self-care.

Don’t put too many things on your daily to-do list, either. It might be tempting to cram something into every minute of your day, but you must leave space to breathe and relax. Otherwise, self-care might never happen.

4. I will say ‘no’ when I want to.

To prioritize self-care, you must know that it is okay to say ‘no.’ You shouldn’t feel bad about it, either, because your well-being must come first. Whether your friends want you to go out with them or someone asks you to do something, say ‘no’ if you want to.

If you don’t say no, you will spend more time taking care of others than yourself. You will fill your life with things that don’t bring you joy, and it’ll cause resentment and other negative feelings. So be assertive and stick to your routine whenever you need to.

Turn down any invites that you don’t want to accept. If your boss asks you to work extra hours, don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ then, either. By saying ‘no, you will establish boundaries in your life, helping you prioritize self-care.

5. I plan and prepare meals that give me energy and encourage creativity.

Eating junk food or anything that is overly processed can interfere with your self-care. Healthy food gives you energy, boosts your immune system, promotes physical health, and improves your mood. Plus, healthy food can help you tap into your creative side, too.

Spending a little time planning and preparing healthy snacks and meals can make an incredible difference. When things are ready ahead of time, you will be less likely to indulge in easy but unhealthy options. You will feel better all-around if you choose the food that you eat wisely.

6. I only spend time with people who bring me joy.

Don’t waste time with people that don’t bring joy to your life. If someone makes you feel negative emotions, cut them out or limit your time spent with them. Likewise, you shouldn’t choose to spend time with people that make you feel unworthy or unhappy.

You can use this affirmation anytime you receive an invitation from a toxic person in your life. While it is hard to say no, this affirmation can help you prioritize self-care by keeping your distance. Once you stop spending time with negative people, you will experience joy and confidence again.

7. I am prioritizing myself.

If you are tempted to sacrifice your self-care for anything else, this affirmation is for you. Stop giving all of your time and energy to others when you need it, too. Don’t neglect your needs or put your goals and dreams on hold for anyone else.

Your personal goals are just as important as everyone else’s, and loving yourself is essential to living a fulfilling life. So put yourself first by using this affirmation whenever you feel pressured to sacrifice your mental health.

8. I take a few minutes to relax each day.

Prioritizing self-care sometimes involves convincing yourself to relax each day. When you’re running from one thing to do the next all day and don’t take time to recuperate, you will experience burnout. On the other hand, if you choose to relax for a little bit before bed, it will even help you sleep better.

Taking this time for yourself each day isn’t selfish. Instead, it is allowing yourself a chance to reset and take a break. Without time to relax, you will sacrifice your body, mind, and relationships.

9. I am improving my mental and physical health.

Taking care of yourself means that you are always improving yourself. You shouldn’t feel guilty or selfish for taking time for self-care, either, because your mental and physical health is essential to your relationships.

All of it ties in together, so when one area of your life suffers, it seems that the rest will, too. Therefore, you must do what it takes to find happiness to be better all around. Improving your mental and physical health will also make you a more enjoyable person to spend time with.

When you are a joy to be around, it further benefits those around you. So, there truly is no need to feel guilty for taking time for yourself.

10. I do simple activities that make me happy.

Include simple but fun activities in your schedule each day to bring a little happiness to your life. For example, you can choose to cook your favorite meal, take a nap, enjoy a bubble bath, or anything else. The only requirement is that you choose something that brings you happy feelings.

If spending time in the sun makes you happy, it’s a beneficial activity to choose. Sunlight will boost your vitamin D levels, making you happy while giving your body and mind what it needs. Use this daily affirmation to remind yourself to look for the small moments of joy you might otherwise pass on.

Final Thoughts on Daily Affirmations That Help You Prioritize Self Care

You might struggle to prioritize self-care each day, but these daily affirmations will help. Repeating them each morning will help you prioritize yourself more often throughout the day. Plus, they will encourage you to do what is best for yourself while setting up a self-care routine.

Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, and it even benefits the people in your life. As you become happier and your mindset improves, you will notice how great it is for everyone involved. So set your routine right away, but don’t forget to adapt it when necessary.

Follow your self-care routine every day, making it a priority over other things. Don’t overbook yourself with unenjoyable things which will cause burnout and unhappiness. Instead, use these daily affirmations to help you prioritize yourself and your well-being.

15 Behaviors That Reveal Someone Is Addicted to Work

June 23, 2021 by Power of Positivity

Do you enjoy going to work every day? There’s nothing wrong with liking your job, but what if you’re so addicted to work that it’s almost like you’re married to your career?

According to The Balance Careers, the average person in this country works 34. 4 hours each week.

However, being a workaholic has less to do with the number of hours you work and more to do with your attitude and behaviors towards your job. When you’re addicted to work, it becomes the core focus of your existence. You don’t know what downtime is, and you often put family and friends aside to make the almighty dollar.

Fifteen Signs Someone Is Addicted to Work

Have you ever been called a workaholic? Does your spouse or family member seem more interested in their job than their family? There are many motives why people live to work, but it’s not the selfish reasons that it appears.

Did you know that many people use work as an escape? This individual could have high anxiety levels or be anti-social. They use work to feel essential and ease their consequences where they fail in other areas. If you or someone you know has these fifteen signs below, you may be working too much.

1. Self-Worth Is Defined by Success

When a person has feelings of inadequacy, they often use work to make them feel important. While they may not measure up in the looks department or have been unlucky in love, they’ve learned that their strong work ethic gives them value. If you define your successes in life by how much money you make or hours you work, then it’s a sign of trouble.

2. No Hobbies

There’s no time for fishing, cycling, boating, or even family dinners. When you’re married to your job, you have little time for foolish pleasures. So even if your family drags you along to an outing, you will sneak and try to get some work in when they’re not looking.

3. Live To Work

From the time you get up in the morning until you go to bed at night, you live to work. Your whole existence is wrapped up in a job. You truly don’t see anything wrong with your thought processes as you’re trying to provide for your family.

4. First One in And Last One Out Each Day

Some might call you a “brown noser” because you’re the first one to clock in each day and the last one to leave. You certainly don’t dread going to work. You’re so happy to get there that you show up before your schedule.

5. Always Ill and Tired

One significant issue with those addicted to work is that they’re often tired and ill a lot. This issue stems from the fact that you don’t have time to go to the doctor and get regular checkups. Additionally, you don’t have time for good nutrition either, as any fast-food joint you pass on the way home is dinner.

Unhealthy living will eventually catch up with you, as self-care is particularly important to living a good life.

6. Constantly Checking Text Messages and Emails

If you counted how many times you check your text messages and emails in a day, the numbers would shock you. You’re connected to your phone, and you won’t put it down for even a short period without fretting. You want to make sure you don’t miss anything that means money.

7. Feelings Of Inadequacy or Never Good Enough

One sign of a workaholic is they feel not good enough. This person often had an impoverished childhood or had abuse or neglect they are overcompensating for in life. According to Forbes, workaholic is expected and rewarded in today’s job market, so this only fuels the fire to be and do more to get ahead.

8. Would Never Say “No” Top Management

Back in the 1950s, people worked hard Monday through Friday, but they rested when it came time for the weekend. Employers had boundaries, and so did the employees. Today, the mix between personal and work life is smeared.

For example, an employer wants someone with round-the-clock availability when looking for potential new hires, which isn’t fair. No wonder 23 percent of American workers are burnt out, according to a recent Gallup Poll.

9. Has No Social Life

There’s no time for socializing. The only friends you have are the ones you make at work. Your work family is so close that you might even have a work wife or husband that you joke about.

10. Talks About Work Constantly

Since work is your life, there is truly little else that you talk about. Your mind is on your career, and there’s nothing else more important to you. If you must take a day off for personal matters, you’re chomping at the bit wondering what’s going on at the office.

11. Little Time for Foolishness at The Office

Even at the office, there’s a separation between career-driven individuals and those there to make a paycheck. You have little time for people who want to stand around the water cooler and gossip. It infuriates you that someone is wasting company time and affecting the bottom line.

12. Won’t Delegate Due to Control Issues

Those addicted to work often don’t know how to delegate tasks appropriately. They may start to show a worker how to do something, but they end up finishing it. The real issue is that this person is very controlling, and they don’t know how to give up that control to anyone.

They always think they can do a better job, so they take on more rather than letting someone help them. Then, in the rare instance that someone is called to help, they will micromanage and nitpick the entire time.

13. Skips Lunch and Breaks

The workaholic often doesn’t do lunch or break time. Instead, if they’re hungry, they will eat at their desk or while working. Taking even 15 minutes seems impossible, as their day is crammed from start to finish.

Other people often encourage you to take a break, or you will burn out. Sadly, you think they’re the ones with the problem as they tend to be a slacker. You see no problem with the way you’re doing things.

14. No Vacations or Personal Days

You can’t remember the last time you took a vacation or personal day. Even if you lost a relative remarkably close to you, you would use work as your excuse to keep your mind busy and cope. Your family often goes on trips but leaves you behind.

While it hurts them, it doesn’t bother you at all. You don’t have time for the beach or the mountains, as you’re needed at work. Time is money, and there’s none to lose.

15. Lives In Denial About Work Addiction

Though many people have confronted you about being addicted to work, you live in denial. It will take a serious medical issue or some other setback to open your eyes. You must address the underlying issue that’s fueling this constant need to be busy.

Perhaps you don’t want to start peeling back the layers to find out why you’re married to your job. Unfortunately, the truth is often too much to handle, and when you’re working, you don’t have time to think.

Final Thoughts on Being Addicted to Work

It’s interesting how the workdays and schedules have shifted in the past couple of decades. Did you know that most employers require around 47 hours each week from their employees, according to a Gallup Poll? Gone are the 9-5 pm shifts as they’ve now extended to 9-6 pm to accommodate lunch.

America is one of the most overworked countries around, and they don’t offer their employees much time for rest either. In the Netherlands, the average workweek is 27.5 hours, according to Jargan Josh. The government here encourages workers to balance work and family, and they promote part-time employment.

Could the reason why so many people are addicted to work stem from the attitude in society to push yourself to the breaking point for the almighty dollar? The same article shows that the folks in Denmark only work about 28 hours a week, and the government encourages people to have flexible schedules and a stress-free work environment.

While some of the reasons behind the work-driven culture are certainly handed down, the workaholic has their own agenda for the long hours. For them, it’s a way to escape the troubles of life and focus on anything other than their problems. In addition, they find that working gives them the ability to disappear and make money.

They justify their behavior because they’re providing for their family. However, it’s imperative to find a good work-life balance, or you will burn out quickly. You can’t work 60+ hours a week for long, as it will make you physically and mentally sick.

Harvard Explains How Geoengineering Might Slow Down Climate Change

June 23, 2021 by Power of Positivity

New research by Harvard shows how geoengineering may be one of the most promising climate change solutions and keep the worst effects of climate change at bay. Scientists already know that solar geoengineering can help minimize climate risks. This involves putting aerosols into the atmosphere, which then reflect sunlight and reduce global warming.

There are two main types of geoengineering: carbon dioxide removal and solar radiation modification. Carbon dioxide removal, otherwise known as carbon capture, uses giant machines that suck greenhouse gases out of the atmosphere. While the technology was first discovered in the 1970s, it’s much more effective today.

Politicians and climate scientists alike applaud carbon capture, but it’s costly, unfortunately. However, scientists have begun working on economic ways to utilize the technology.

While carbon capture is pretty straightforward, solar radiation modification is a bit more complicated. Also known as solar geoengineering, this method reflects sunlight away from Earth’s surface. In this way, surface albedo increases, or the amount of sunlight reflected by Earth’s surface. By increasing the planet’s surface reflectivity, scientists can use solar geoengineering to deflect sunlight and cool the planet.

Bright surfaces such as snow and ice reflect most of the sun’s rays. However, scientists have to rely on geoengineering to reduce global temperatures with the ice sheets melting rapidly.

Some common forms of solar geoengineering include:

Marine cloud brightening
Cirrus cloud thinning
Space-based techniques
Stratospheric aerosol intervention

While these methods can’t eliminate climate change, they can slow it down considerably. Not to mention, scientists worldwide have begun to explore other options as well. When it comes to geoengineering, much of the research has centered around reducing physical climate changes. However, not many studies have investigated how solar geoengineering could impact the ecosystem, especially agriculture.

How geoengineering may slow down climate change

So, researchers from the Harvard John A. Paulson School of Engineering and Applied Sciences (SEAS) decided to find out. They discovered that, surprisingly, solar geoengineering might help alleviate some of the worst effects of global warming on crops.

Harvard researchers also collaborated with the following organizations:

Norwegian Research Centre and the Bjerknes Centre for Climate Research;
Norwegian University of Science and Technology;
National Center for Atmospheric Research in Boulder;
Seoul National University; and
Chinese Academy of Sciences.

The research was published May 20, 2021, in Nature Food.

“Research on solar geoengineering must address whether or not it is effective at reducing human impacts of climate change,” said David Keith, the Professor of Applied Physics at SEAS and Professor of Public Policy at the Harvard Kennedy School. “Our paper helps fill that gap by using the best crop model yet embedded in a climate model to examine the potential impact of solar geoengineering on agricultural yields.”

For the study, researchers analyzed three types of solar engineering. They focused on stratospheric aerosol injection, marine sky brightening, and cirrus cloud thinning and how they impacted crops. Specifically, they studied how they affected global yields of maize, sugarcane, wheat, rice, soy, and cotton.

The team assumed a business-as-usual future, where emissions remained as they are today. In this scenario, the best way to protect crops from climate disasters would be to lower the surface temperature. Researchers found that all three solar geoengineering methods listed above would cool the atmosphere enough to benefit crop yields.

Prior research suggested that lowering temperatures using stratospheric aerosol injection may also reduce rainfall rates. This would lead to lower yields of rainfed crops. However, these studies didn’t consider a crucial ecological factor in crop productivity and transpiration – humidity.

Humidity plays an important role in crop success.

“Relative humidity or vapor pressure deficit has stronger control on plant water use and crop productivity than precipitation,” said Yuanchao Fan, a Fellow in the Harvard Solar Geoengineering Research Program and first author of the paper. “We found that in a cooler world under multiple scenarios, except cirrus cloud thinning, there will be higher relative humidity, which will alleviate water stress for rainfed crops. Our model shows that the change in precipitation resulting from all three solar geoengineering methods would, in fact, have minimal effect on crops.”

Next, the team compared how solar geoengineering and emissions reductions affect agricultural productivity. They discovered that emissions reductions do increase cooling and humidity. However, this wouldn’t benefit crop yields as much as geoengineering. The reduction of CO2 fertilization reduces the productivity of most crops, compared with geoengineering which equally reduces temperatures.

The study says:

“Overall, global yields increase ~10% under the three SGs and decrease 5% under emissions reduction.”

This discovery shows that other tools should be utilized along with emissions reductions. Increasing nitrogen fertilization and making changes to land use would help mitigate climate risks as well.

“Climate risks cannot be resolved with any single tool; even if emissions were eliminated tomorrow, the world’s most vulnerable would still suffer from climate change,” said Keith. “Policymakers need to consider how emissions cuts might be supplemented by specific local adaptations to help farmers reduce the impacts of climate on agriculture, and by global actions such as carbon removal and solar geoengineering.”

Co-authors of the research include Jerry Tjiputra, Helene Muri, Danica Lombardozzi, Chang-Eui Park, and Shengjun Wu. Harvard University’s Solar Geoengineering Research Program helped support the research in part.

Final thoughts on research showing how geoengineering may slow down climate change

Climate change and global warming have become major topics of discussion in recent years. If you look around, it’s clear that our climate is undergoing rapid change. Hurricanes have become stronger, wildfires are raging out of control, and deadly heatwaves are rising. In a warming world, crops have a harder time growing as well. However, geoengineering might save the day.

New research shows that solar geoengineering, specifically, could increase crop yields by about 10%. By cooling the atmosphere with aerosols, it decreases heat stress on plants. This means that, hopefully, we’ve dodged a huge bullet when it comes to climate change. As the world population continues to grow, we must find effective ways to feed everyone, even in a warming world.

8 Reasons Living Together Before Marriage Strengthens Relationships

June 23, 2021 by Power of Positivity

Did you know that roughly 8.5 million unmarried couples live together in the United States?

According to the US Census, many people believe living together before marriage is better than facing divorce later. Is taking a trial run on a longstanding commitment acceptable to navigate long-term relationships?

Countless couples have pondered the same question in the past few years. During the 1950s and earlier, the rare unmarried couples who lived together didn’t discuss it. Cohabitation is widely practiced and acceptable for most people in today’s culture.

Considerations Before Couples Try Living Together

However, you and your partner have several things to consider before you share a place. It’s a big move that shouldn’t be taken lightly. As you discuss the possibilities, be transparent about your intentions, so you’re both in sync.

Many people choose this option to see if they can cohabitate peacefully. What if living together is a tactic that one or both of you use to put marriage off? This is an issue worth exploring.

Before making this crucial decision, the first step is to be completely honest during your conversation. According to the Pew Research Center statistics, at least 53 percent of couples shared a home before marriage. Neither of you wants to base this move on misleading expectations.

What if one of you dreams of walking down the aisle one day while the other person has no desire to make such a formal commitment? Perhaps, one of you has already talked to a wedding planner and has a detailed itinerary of the big day. However, one of you might not be that far in the relationship, or maybe you don’t even consider marriage an option.

It’s a serious topic that you both can’t afford to ignore. Sharing your thoughts and expectations now may nix major issues and misunderstandings in the future. Perhaps your shared vision is to get married one day, but you do not know when or how soon this day will come.

The Benefits of Living Together Before Marriage

Every decision you make has positives and negatives, including cohabitating before marriage. You may be in a hurry to give your partner their house key, but they might not be as eager to accept it. Here are eight positive reasons for you to consider.

You Get the Adjustment Period Out of The Way

It’s not easy for two people to live together, even if they are madly in love. Remember the stresses you had living at home with your parents and siblings. You also probably had difficulties adjusting to sharing a college dorm with a roommate. The same adjustment period will happen with the one you love.

Consider that love is blind, and it takes time to know someone. For now, you may ignore some of your lover’s annoying habits. The relationship is new, and you are too infatuated to concentrate on anything negative.

It will be even more apparent if you’re living together before marriage. Each of you will get a true sense of how the other lives and functions. The time you have cohabitating will help you get used to each other’s quirks. So, there are no surprises after the nuptials.

There may be some mild confrontations over simple things like leaving the toilet seat up or letting dirty dishes stack up in the sink. Soon, you will learn one another’s habits and make compromises as needed. Many people think living together before marriage makes the process a little easier.

2. Mutually Beneficial for Finances

Maybe one of the reasons you are thinking of moving in with your lover is finances. Whether you rent or own your place, running a household takes a lot of money. According to an article by The Nest, the average household expenses in America are approximately $60,060 a year.

The article also states that the median American income is about $73,573. If you lived alone, you’d only have about $13,515 for other living expenses. Of course, you may make more or less than this average. It only makes sense that cohabitating would be mutually beneficial.

3. You Have the Chance to Build Stronger Bonds

Dating is a way for a couple to test their compatibility. The more time you spend together, the more you see how the other person ticks. It’s also a crucial time for bonding. Living in the same house may prove that you can sustain your commitment.

4. It’s Easier to Move Out Rather Than Divorce

If you find out that the person you love isn’t the person you can spend the rest of your life with, it’s better to find out before you’re married. Once you tie the knot, it’s a very costly process to get a divorce.

5. You See How Life Will Be as A Couple

The one you love may be great in a relationship, but when you cohabitate, everything can change. You will see all the little quirks that can drive you mad when it’s in your space. You get a preview of married life when you share a space first.

6. Intimacy Is Easier

Soon, you go from infatuation to an intimate attachment, and it’s not just about that physical bond. You learn to be intimate with your mate emotionally and spiritually, as these are part of a commitment. Plus, it’s more challenging to have intimate moments when you don’t share a dwelling.

7. Your Friends Will See You as A Couple

Once you share a space, your friends and family will see your commitment level to one another as a bit deeper. They will look at you as a couple rather than just two dating people.

8. You Can Share Responsibilities

It takes a lot of effort to run a household, and you can have help. Having someone take the trash out or wash the dishes can significantly relieve. The shared responsibilities allow you more time to focus on the one you love.

Once you’ve decided that it is the right decision to move in with your partner, seek help from local movers to make the move easier.

The Downsides of Cohabitation

Even the most loving and committed couples have disagreements. If you live in the same household, it’s a little challenging to put some distance between you and your partner. There are also a few other cons to consider before you move into your lover’s place.

1. Differences of Opinion in Finances

You may be one of the lucky ones who finds a mate with the same financial personality. Usually, one partner is a spender, and the other is a saver. While most couples can compromise, economic arguments can spoil a relationship quickly.

As housemates, you’ll find out how your financial negotiations will go before you’re married. You may butt heads about how bills and other financial obligations are split. While it may be 50/50 when you only live together, you’ll be fully vested as a spouse.

It’s better to find out if someone is a miser or a spendthrift before you tie the knot. An article published by Couple Family Psychology states that financial issues are among the top reasons people in America divorce. Moving out is much easier than a painful divorce if you discover you’re financially incompatible while cohabiting.

2. Lack of Family Support

Many religious and cultural groups consider living together before marriage immoral. According to an article published by Unmarried Equality, there are still four states that criminalize cohabitation. However, a few states consider couples married after sharing a home for several years. This is called a common-law marriage.

Although most people don’t mind unmarried couples sharing a home, some believe it’s immoral or sinful. It could be stressful if you and your person have decided to move in together and either side of the family objects. These family members cannot only reject your living arrangements, but they can also be unsupportive of your relationship.

When there’s a conflict with either side, it usually trickles into the couple’s relationship. You may need to bite your tongue to keep from causing issues within the family, but you try to stay civil. It’s also stressful when you constantly defend your mate from your family.

While the objections may be over your living situation, you may see a side of their family or friends that you don’t like. It’s something to think about, because they may not change their attitudes once you decide to get married.

Will Living Together Strengthen Your Marriage?

There aren’t any definitive answers to this question because of all the variables involved. A study published by the Journal of Marriage and Family concludes that there’s no substantial evidence that cohabitation before marriage can minimize divorce risks. It also found that there wasn’t much difference in marital satisfaction rate between those who live together and those who wait.

Final Thoughts on Living Together Before Marriage

Deciding to share space is a big commitment between two people. While some still frown on cohabitation before marriage, it’s becoming normal. Folks have discovered that moving out is much easier and more cost-effective than filing for divorce.

However, some folks still believe you should have a piece of paper and a ring before you live together. Making such a move has both positives and negatives, and you will have to decide what works for you and your spouse.

15 Positive Statements to Help You Avoid Confrontations with Toxic People

June 23, 2021 by Sarah Barkley

It is impossible to avoid toxic people all the time, no matter how hard you try. You may have to work with them, or they might be a part of your family. Plus, you will regularly encounter toxic people in public places such as the grocery store or gas station. Since you can’t wholly avoid toxic people, the next best option is to avoid confrontations with them.

This is easier said than done, but it is possible. You can’t change other people, but you can change the things that you say or the way you react to toxic people.

Responding negatively to a toxic person will only make the situation worse, and it usually causes confrontations. Instead, use positive statements to help you avoid unnecessary conflict. Using positivity, you will notice that things go smoother and that you feel better afterward.

Positive statements can change the tone of a conversation and steer it in a better direction. These statements can also influence positivity in the toxic person, at least for the time being. You can also use positive statements to set and enforce boundaries.

How to Recognize Toxic People

Recognizing a toxic person is the first step to avoiding confrontations with them. While they don’t all have the same characteristics, they will likely have similarities.

You may notice that they exhibit some of these characteristics:

don’t take responsibility for their mistakes
are manipulative
don’t apologize
are judgmental
don’t support you
are dishonest
tend to be inconsistent
are unreliable
often think of their desires above the needs of others

Fifteen Positive Statements to Help You Avoid Confrontations with Toxic People

Keep these phrases handy for the next encounter with a toxic person.

1. “I noticed you’re upset today. I hope everything is okay.”

When you point this out to them, they’ll see that you don’t want conflict. Plus, they will appreciate that you recognize their bad mood. By saying this, you are reducing the risk of confrontation.

If you have to work with the toxic person all day, this will help you get through the day. Let them know that you’re there if they need to vent, too. Then, if they do come to you, it won’t be for confrontation but support.

2. “I’m not comfortable with this. Let’s talk about something else.”

Even if you are a little uncomfortable saying this statement, it is essential. Otherwise, the conversation will continue, and confrontation may follow. Let the person know that you don’t want to discuss that topic any longer.

Please don’t leave it at that, however. Suggest talking about something else, and then take control of the conversation and be positive. Sway the conversation to a topic that is neutral and safe for the both of you.

3. “I can tell you’re having a hard time. You should take a break.”

Everyone appreciates it when someone notices their feelings and their mood, even toxic people. Start by acknowledging their feelings, and then suggest a break. They might not have even realized they were poisonous, so your comment will help with that, too.

After a break, they may come back in a better mood. If their perspective isn’t better, at least they may not cause conflict with you. Plus, at the very least, they will see that you care.

4. “I want to continue this conversation, but I’m running late. Let’s finish it over e-mail.”

If possible, politely remove yourself from the conversation. While it might be necessary to finish the conversation, you can avoid toxic confrontation by doing it by email.

Since it’s harder to spread toxicity through an e-mail, it could be the perfect communication method. If the other person still makes toxic remarks in an e-mail, it’ll be easier to handle. E-mail may not be the most direct option, but it could help you avoid confrontation.

5. “Tell me what I can do to cheer you up.”

No one can be made at the person who is trying to cheer them up. At least that is what you can hope for, and it increases your chances of avoiding conflict. This statement shows that you care, and even if the toxic person doesn’t show it, they likely appreciate it.

6. “Let’s talk about something more exciting.”

Changing the subject could be a great option to avoid confrontation. If you feel that the conversation is taking a negative turn or may lead to conflict, request a more exciting topic. Get your minds off the potential problem, and get the toxic person talking about something happier.

7. “We should each say three good things that happened today.”

Changing the conversation to something positive is a great move, as explained before. Even better, change the topic to good things that happened during the current day. This will help both of you perk up a little and be more positive.

It is hard to continue being toxic while talking about positive things that have happened recently. Plus, it is hard to have a confrontation with someone you just had a positive conversation with. Remember this positive statement anytime you sense the tension.

8. “Tell me about your favorite things and hobbies.”

Get toxic people talking about themselves and the things they love. This will help you avoid confrontation because toxic people tend to love talking about themselves. Even if they don’t love talking about themselves, though, it’ll still distract them for a while.

9. “I don’t want to debate this. There are plenty of more positive things to discuss.”

It can be hard to say this, but it is essential to your well-being. By speaking this statement, not only will you be avoiding confrontation, but you will be setting boundaries. It can help prevent conflict or toxic behavior toward you in the future, too.

By adding that there are positive things to discuss, you will avoid offending the person. They will realize that you still want to talk to them, which can further prevent confrontation.

10. “You have so much to do. Let me help you.”

By acknowledging how much the person has to deal with, they will be appreciative. Plus, if you offer to help them, they can’t justify mistreating you or making rude comments. Everyone needs a break once in a while, even toxic people.

11. “I understand how you feel.”

Being empathetic is always an excellent way to avoid confrontation. Everyone desires to be understood, and they will see that you are trying to see things their way.

12. “You are good at what you do.”

When people feel good about themselves, they’re more likely to be positive. Tell the toxic person that they are good at what they do and help the situation. If you can, give specific examples of how you know they are talented.

13. “Thank you for your input. I’ll keep it in mind.”

This statement leaves little more for the other person to say. It lets them know that you heard them without causing conflict. Even if you didn’t appreciate their input, thanking them will make things go smoother.

Usually, people want to be heard. You don’t have to go with what they suggested, and this statement will end the conversation about it.

14. “You’re right. I agree.”

Only use this simple positive statement if it is true. If you disagree, you might set yourself up for further problems. On the other hand, if you do agree, make sure they know it.

By letting them know that you agree, they will feel understood. If you don’t acknowledge this, they might think you don’t agree or don’t care, and it can cause conflict. Be clear right upfront to prevent any potential problems.

15. “Even though we disagree, it is okay. I respect your opinion, either way.”

Since you shouldn’t agree with someone if you don’t genuinely agree, use this one when you disagree. Acknowledge that it is okay if you disagree and that you still respect them.

This positive statement also implies that you expect the same respect from them. It can prevent them from starting an argument or having a conflict with you.

Then, you can both go about the day without arguing or having tension between you. There won’t be much more to say or discuss on the topic if you finish it with this positive statement.

Final Thoughts on Trying These Fifteen Positive Statements to Help You Avoid Confrontations

Since it is impossible to avoid toxic people altogether, you must learn to avoid confrontations. Of course, there will be times when this isn’t possible, but you can reduce the amount of conflict you experience.

These positive statements will help you avoid unnecessary conflict and set boundaries. By lightening the mood, changing the subject, or being firm (but positive), you can change the conversation’s tone. You may even change the toxic person’s mood for a while, allowing them to experience a little positivity.

You don’t deserve to deal with negativity and toxicity from anyone, and you don’t have to. Always remember that positivity will get you farther than negativity, though. Speak up using these positive statements, and you will be avoiding confrontations while staying cheerful and kind.

Inspiring Woman Loses Over 130 Pounds in a Remarkable Transformation

June 22, 2021 by Kristen Lawrence

Kassidy Riekens, an inspiring woman and mom of three, has lost over 130 pounds since beginning her health journey in May 2015. After having her first daughter, Kassidy got inspired to lose the baby weight and feel better in her skin. She weighed 260 pounds at the time and felt uncomfortable carrying around that extra weight after giving birth. Saying she “never wanted to feel like that again,” she started meal prepping and hitting the gym.

However, her struggles with weight and body image began much earlier in her life. In high school, Kassidy weighed only 107 pounds, working out excessively, and eating very little to maintain her weight. Of course, after high school, life got a lot busier, and she didn’t have as much time to devote to working out. She gained around 100 pounds by the age of 21 from drinking heavily and falling into unhealthy eating patterns.

Kassidy didn’t feel right about her body and even found that her mindset had become cynical and pessimistic. She didn’t like who she had become. But she found it challenging to give up unhealthy eating habits. She ate junk food most days and didn’t exercise, and when she got pregnant, Kassidy kept up those familiar habits. However, on the day she delivered her daughter, she knew something had to change.

“I remember how I felt that day. I was physically so large I could barely move. Not only from the pregnancy but from how much weight I had gained from the excessive eating. I told myself that day that I would change. I would lose all of the weight, plus more, and I would become the best me I could be. And that is exactly what I did.”

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The start the journey of this inspiring woman

“Two weeks after Harley was born, I started meal prepping. I didn’t know what I was doing or where to begin, but I tried. 6 weeks later, I started working out. I had no proper work out program or much help, but I tried. I got a gym membership, researched workouts, asked for help, and did the best that I could. The weight started falling off, which motivated me and kept me focused,” she said on her website.

This time around, Kassidy wanted to focus on becoming more robust and healthier, not just skinnier. Instead of spending hours at the gym and eating very little, she wanted to develop healthy relationships with the gym and food. So, she chose workouts that would challenge her mentally. She said that HIIT, weight training, and the stair master were crucial in losing 130 pounds.

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As far as diet, Kassidy said intuitive eating works best for her rather than counting macros or calories. She enjoys taking typically unhealthy foods such as BBQ and making them both tasty and nutritious. She scours the Internet each week looking for healthy recipes and relies on meal prepping to stay on track.

With her newfound healthy lifestyle, she says her most significant obstacle is her rheumatoid arthritis. Diagnosed in 2017, Kassidy often feels excruciating pain in the joints throughout her body due to chronic inflammation. She says some days it hurts so badly that she can’t even get out of bed, walk, or hold her babies. However, the inspiring young woman didn’t let that keep her from her goals.

She modified exercises at the gym so that they wouldn’t cause her as much pain. Or, she moved on to a different activity that her body would tolerate better. Kassidy researched the best cardio and weight training exercises for people with arthritis to ensure she didn’t suffer an injury. Meal prepping, working out, and taking care of her two young girls became her life.

This inspiring woman is balancing a wellness journey with parenting

Although, raising two kids and trying to keep a workout regimen don’t always go hand-in-hand. Kassidy said she had to drop her kids off with a babysitter pretty much every day to get a workout in. She’d drive 30 minutes out of town to the babysitter’s house, then go back into town to her local gym. That equates to two hours of driving back and forth each day, but that didn’t stop her from reaching her goals, either.

Kassidy has a strong work ethic, but just like everyone, she doesn’t feel the motivation some days. However, she says it comes down to willpower and building healthy habits. Whether she feels like it or not, she follows her meal plan and goes to the gym, as the habits have become second nature. She loves seeing results and being able to buy new outfits, but doesn’t limit her success to just motivation.

She says it gets easier over time the more you practice healthier lifestyle habits. For example, Kassidy says she gained 70 pounds back during her second pregnancy but knew how to get back on track. Having lost 130 pounds the first time, she knew that hard work and dedication would get her where she needed to be. So, she began the grueling tasks of meal prepping and hitting the gym, losing over 80 pounds this time.

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Her combined weight loss efforts now total of 210 pounds. Kassidy proves that anyone, even busy moms, can lose weight and feel more comfortable in their own skin. After her story reached multiple news outlets, Kassidy felt inspired that she could help motivate people all over the world. Her passion for fitness and helping others led her to get a license as a personal trainer and health coach. “My goal as a Personal Trainer and Nutrition Coach is to help all of my clients strive to be the best version of themselves,” she said.

Kassidy says that by sharing her story with others online, it keeps her motivated to stay on track. “It’s funny how I share so much stuff on social media to help other women, but those women don’t realize how much they’re actually helping me,” she said. She’s now an online health coach at Kassthetics, selling nutrition and workout plans to clients. After getting into the best shape of her life, this inspiring woman wanted to help others do the same, too.

3 Ways Your Personality Can Be Interfering With Your Life (And How To Fix It)

June 22, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Your personality is ingrained in your being. It’s in the way you act, think, speak, and behave. As such, it can be hard to imagine it being any different, even if some of it is actively harming you.

But must you live forever by the personality traits you’ve had for years? What if that ends up being a negative point in your life? Here are three ways your personality is interfering with your life and how to fix it.

Three Ways Your Personality Is Interfering With Your Life

Are you doing any of these things?

1. You’re Self-Focused

A lot of the worst ways a personality can affect you are by making you selfish and self-centered. This can lead to many different problems related to your relationships, your career, and the way you experience life. Many people make the mistake of viewing selfishness as an undeniable trait, but being self-focused can be subtle. Here are some examples of self-focused behavior and how it may be affecting you:

· You Think Of Yourself As A Victim

Whenever bad things happen to you, you overemphasize them, thinking of them attacking you directly. While this makes sense for situations where you were genuinely treated poorly in a targeted way, it can be harmful to think of yourself this way in many other cases. A victim-focused mindset can prevent you from taking responsibility for your actions. It can even make you focus on yourself to the point of invalidating others, thus damaging your relationships.

· You Want Things To Go Your Way

You can’t control everything, and you certainly can’t control other people. But to demand everything to go your way all the time is to set yourself up for a constant state of dissatisfaction. The world doesn’t revolve around you, and spending energy trying to make it do so is only going to waste your time and make you unpleasant to be around.

· You Define Life By Your Views

The world around you is filled with different people. There are diverse cultures, religions, opinions, world views, and philosophies held by everyone. To define all of the worlds by the way you see them and insist that others should see things your way means narrowing your worldview, stunting your growth, and alienating others.

2. You Define Yourself By Your Traits

If you define yourself by specific personality traits, you may find it difficult to break free from them and explore new ones. This goes all the way back to childhood, too, according to research. The terms we’ve learned to associate with ourselves, even the most positive ones, begin to dictate how we view ourselves, trapping us in a mindset that these terms are set in stone.

But your personality, your beliefs, your capabilities, and your habits are all malleable. While there are parts of you that will remain integral to who you are, there are many things that you can shift. For example, you’ve been called reliable all your life, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t learn to be spontaneous, too. You define yourself as an introvert, but that doesn’t mean you can’t better your social skills. You’ve been an angry person for decades, but you don’t have to be. Unfortunately, if you stick by these definitions, you’ll never know what else you could be.

3. You Don’t Grow

Without personal growth, you’ll never reach your full potential. Often, certain personality traits get in the way of your ability to grow. Here are some ways this may happen:

· You Feel Like You Need Always To Be Right

No one human being is capable of being right all the time. Your desire to fill this role, often to avoid criticism, will prevent you from learning from your mistakes and correcting yourself after you’ve been wrong. You will never succeed in being right all the time, so why not embrace your wrongs and learn from them?

· You Don’t Leave Your Comfort Zone

Feeling anxious about leaving the space you’re familiar with is reasonable, but it’s relatively apparent how that stunts your growth. That kind of fear makes it hard for you to expand beyond the reaches of what you know, keeping you trapped.

· You Focus On The Negative

Bad things happen, and yes, they suck! But focusing too much on these things will rob you of positive thinking, making you a complaining pessimist – and it’s optimists who do well in life. Optimists find ways to learn from bad things while pessimists get stuck in a “woe is me” attitude.

How To Fix A Personality That Is Interfering With Your Life

If you are engaging in any harmful behaviors, here are a few ways to move forward.

1. Set Goals For Your Personality

Goal-setting is one of the most positive ways to begin enacting any significant change in your life. Your personality is a huge thing to work on changing, and without goals, you may become overwhelmed or lack any sense of direction when it comes to getting your efforts going. Here are some tips for setting these goals:

· Imagine What Your Ideal Self Would Be Like

Think about the traits you would want to have to make yourself the best version of yourself. This will help you see what qualities you’d like to learn to incorporate as you set your goals.

· Seek Inspiration

Think about people that you look up to and admire and ask yourself why you admire them. What traits of theirs do you like, and how many of them would you like to cultivate? This can be related to people you know personally, but it can also be celebrities, athletes, or even ordinary individuals who you’ve heard of in passing. You can watch videos about inspiring people or read autobiographies and biographies to find more reasons to be inspired!

· Make Plans

How exactly do you plan to achieve your personality goals? What steps can you take to get there? Do some brainstorming and determine individual actions you can regularly perform that bring you closer to your goals.

· Start With One Or Two

Trying to overhaul your entire personality at once is unlikely to be beneficial or productive in any way. Instead, choose one or two traits that you want to devote your attention to first and improve or create those traits as your first goal. Don’t overwhelm yourself with too much to change at once. Ideally, it would be best to start with a quality that will help you improve future traits.

2. Change Belief Systems

Many aspects of personality are influenced by what you believe in. So changing the way you think and feel about the world, the ideals you hold, and the source of your motivation can be a significant and more effective way to tackle traits and habits that stem from those beliefs. Or so say studies.

Broader personality traits, such as your natural temperament and the main few descriptions someone may give of you, are harder to change and work on. But in-between types of qualities, meaning personality traits relating to your beliefs, are ones that most experts agree can be altered.

Of course, it’s not easy to change your beliefs, but it’s an excellent place to start. Think about it!

Your beliefs dictate virtually most things about you, such as:

How you view the world and its many circumstances.
What mechanisms help you function throughout the day and respond to challenges.
How you look at yourself and other people.
How you choose friends and people to bond with.
What you dedicate yourself to.

Learning to change your beliefs will help you correct aspects of your personality that you’re unhappy with. For example, you may believe that only unintelligent people lack conscientiousness. This can, and this can cause you to become anxious when you don’t feel prepared enough, and it may stop you from being able to think on your feet. It may even make you angry at those who don’t prepare as well as you do and think of them as dumb.

But you can then shift your beliefs to the knowledge that intelligence isn’t defined by a single trait, and it’s impossible to be prepared for everything in life and isn’t a poor reflection on you when you’re not always ready. This will reduce the chances that you would get angry at someone for not being prepared, and it’ll prevent anxious behaviors and responses due to lack of preparation.

3. Shift Your Habits

Your habits can lend to your personality. The way you behave is often a reflection of your personality, but you can influence yourself the other way around because it’s easier to change your actions than your personality. When you start to alter certain habits, you’ll find that they contribute to your greater efforts of developing a more positive character overall.

On top of that, experts discovered that those with positive traits in their personality develop those traits alongside developing good habitual responses they retained. Habits can be learned, and this can help you immensely on your quest for a better character, though it’s not always that easy. Here are some tips for shifting your habits:

· Develop Stronger Awareness

It’s hard to change habits and behavior when you don’t notice how you act or behave. Many people run on autopilot as far as their reactions go, and it can be hard to stop things that you’ve been doing habitually without actively trying to take notice of them. You can start by tracing your expression of unwanted personality traits. First, what are some examples of the traits that you dislike? Next, what tends to trigger them? Finally, what situations are they most prevalent in? From there, you can come up with a plan to combat these behaviors and be prepared for their triggers.

· Shift Negative Traits Into Positive Ones

Many of the habits you perform are born out of a negative manifestation of a personality trait that could go either way. In most cases, personality traits have good and bad sides to them, and the ability to shift negative aspects towards positive ones can make for an easier way to rewrite your habits.

· Practice

You can’t change habits without practicing them. Changing your personality through habits means repeatedly performing corrected behavior over and over until they become natural. This can take a fair amount of time, but use your positive thinking and seek opportunities to practice your habits. Seek support groups, put yourself in situations where you have no choice but to either practice your positive changes or revert to what you dislike, and ask those you trust to help keep you in check.

Final Thoughts On Some Ways Your Personality Is Interfering With Your Life

Your personality is unique and special, but it doesn’t have to be stagnant. When you dislike something about your character, and if it gets in the way of your life, you have the power to fix those aspects and improve yourself!

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Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!