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3 Reasons Why Someone Keeps Picking Emotionally Unavailable Partners

May 17, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Do you–or someone you know–seem to keep picking emotionally unavailable partners only to experience heartbreak?

In any relationship, it’s important to give what the other needs and receive what you need instead of being emotionally unavailable. All relationships, but especially romantic ones, are a two-way street. You need to be able to share everything with your partner without fear of being judged or dismissed. More importantly, you need to be able to express and talk about your emotions.

It’s essential to be able to share everything you feel, what makes you happy or mad, and what you need. But if your partner cannot talk about feelings and open up, your relationship won’t be a healthy one. People often fall for someone without a proper conversation about how the other sees feelings without considering whether they’d ever want to open up to you or listen to you opening up. This mostly happens because, realistically, not many people discuss boundaries and needs on the first date.

Somehow, people seem to think that everything else will fall into place if they feel attraction. But that’s not exactly the case. So why do people seem to fall in love with someone who can never offer them the level of intimacy they need? Why do we allow someone who is not ready to form a connection to break our hearts? If those questions are on your mind, here are three reasons why people keep picking emotionally unavailable partners.

The Differences Between Available and Emotionally Unavailable Partners

The first step in understanding emotional unavailability is to have a clear picture of what emotional availability is. This is mainly because not many people are genuinely emotionally available. So, you might not have an example from real life that you can use. The simplest definition of emotional availability is sharing a connection with another person.

An Emotionally Available Partner Does These Things in a Relationship

Or, more specifically, two people can create a healthy bond. An emotionally available person knows how to share their emotions productively and mindfully. They neither throw it in your face that they are mad. Nor do they shut down when something bothers them. They always talk to you intending to solve an issue. These people also understand and respect your boundaries, and they accept you as you are because they want to see you happy and give you all the space and time you need.

Additionally, they are consistent and reliable. If this partner promises to do something, that’s a guarantee that they’ll do it if nothing unexpected interferes. An emotionally available partner will say they’ll show up, and you can count on them. They make for great companions, and they can be your rock when everything else is crumbling. Part of the reason they act with so much compassion towards others is that they also practice self-compassion. They respect and know how to care for themselves, thus being better people for the ones around them.

An Emotionally Unavailable Partner Displays These Behaviors

In sharp contrast, emotionally unavailable people can’t seem to be able to form a genuine connection to save their life. They find it hard to express or handle emotions, so they don’t. If there’s an issue, they either pretend it never happened or blame it on someone else. They usually avoid topics that are even remotely related to feelings. You will probably never hear them engage in a philosophical discussion about what love is. And don’t get your hopes up about making them talk about past trauma. They’ll probably never open up to you about that.

And while you should never push people to talk about sensitive topics before they’re ready, this is different. It’s not a matter of readiness–or not. They don’t want to because they want to pretend it never happened. This issue stems from a lack of proper communication and will always lead to differences in a relationship.

If they never get over past issues or trauma, those problems will inevitably affect your relationship. Moreover, these people seem loud and standoffish. But perhaps that results from always needing to look tough and in control. Statistically, male gender-identifying people tend to display more characteristics of emotional unavailability. But that’s usually because society pushes them to be the tough ones. Usually, men learn that talking about their feelings, crying, or being vulnerable is a sign of weakness.

3 Reasons Why Someone Chooses Emotionally Unavailable Partners

Society seems to believe that no one but women should ever be emotional. So, it’s not a surprise that they never get the opportunity to learn to deal with their emotions appropriately. Still, it’s a misconception that only men can be emotionally unavailable. Everyone can display characteristics associated with emotional unavailability.

1. You Mirror the Relationships You Saw Growing Up

Love now is much different than a few decades ago. Society is making a lot of progress in accepting and celebrating love regardless of what societal norms impose. Young people especially have started to care less and less about how others view their passion. Instead, they focus on how they feel. But that wasn’t the case for our parents and grandparents. In the past, relationships followed strict guidelines, and everyone tried their hardest to maintain a particular image.

A few decades ago, relationships followed the heterosexual norms imposed chiefly by religion. A woman needed to take care of the kids in every family, and a man had to provide for the wife and kids. And that relationship dynamic is probably the one you saw growing up. Sharing your feelings and being truly happy was never a focal point. Parents were probably distant and cared more about how their relationship looked from the outside.

Many studies prove that people unconsciously try to find something similar to relationships they know when looking for a partner. You try to emulate the dynamic your parents or other people close to you had while growing up. If the models you had were distant and emotionally unavailable people, that’s the kind of person you will be attracted to.

2. You Might Be an Emotionally Unavailable Partner, Yourself!

We don’t like to think of ourselves as part of the problem. So, if we get hurt by emotionally unavailable people, we want to believe it’s their fault. Indeed, your partner should never mistreat you. But it should also raise concerns that you always attract emotionally unavailable people. This doesn’t mean that you can always avoid ending in bad relationships. You never truly know how a person is when you first start dating them. But, when you start noticing a pattern, you should consider doing some self-reflection.

Feelings are probably the last thing you want to discuss if you are emotionally unavailable. You probably don’t like being vulnerable or truly understand how to be empathetic. In that case, it’s only natural that you will feel attraction to someone who shares the same traits. It seems easier to be with someone who doesn’t try to push you out of your comfort zone by talking about emotions and boundaries. Being with someone who can’t fully commit and connect can also feel safer because you don’t have to either. Depending on what you want from a relationship, being with someone emotionally unavailable can be alright. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a toxic relationship. But it’s not a relationship that can have prospects, either.

3. You Feel Bored When in Healthy Relationships

Paradoxically, people don’t always want what’s best for them. This is especially true for younger people, who don’t even know what’s best for them in most cases. As you get older, you realize that safety and comfort are paramount. But when you’re younger, you want to feel excited. You live for the thrill, and you get bored quickly.

Being comfortable is the last thing on your mind when looking for a partner. You allow yourself to be driven by attraction and desire, and you want to have fun. When you find someone healthy, who always wants to solve things maturely, it can be off-putting. You want passion and excitement. You want to feel a spark.

Emotionally unavailable people can seem attractive because they fit the narrative that love is always a bumpy road. You have to fight and suffer for them, but that’s how passion is, right? Not quite, though it might seem like it. Contrary to popular belief, love shouldn’t be difficult. Of course, it can’t be perfect either. But you should always be able to communicate and solve problems maturely.

Though this might seem dull and forced, you realize it’s the best dynamic you could ask for as you grow up. If you are young, don’t let your desires get in the way of your happiness. Understand that a healthy relationship isn’t always filled with adrenaline and excitement. Don’t just run when you first encounter a slow, “boring” day with your partner. Those days are standard and more desirable than dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner.

Final Thoughts on Why Someone Keeps Picking Emotionally Unavailable Partners

In today’s dating scene, emotionally unavailable people are much more common than you think. That’s because we rely on technology often for our communication and how little we talk about emotions. Society has made some progress regarding healthy communication. We haven’t reached a world where everyone can process feelings healthily. Moreover, people are scared of vulnerability and commitment to someone else.

Being attracted to emotionally unavailable people is not uncommon at all. This can happen for many reasons. Most of the time, the relationships people saw while growing up were distant and emotionally unavailable. You will search for something similar if that’s all you know about relationships. Or, if you are also emotionally unavailable, it might seem like a no-brainer to date someone who’s the same.

That way, you won’t have to worry about being fully committed or having healthy emotional discussions. And surprisingly, you might be attracted by emotionally unavailable people simply because you are bored with healthy relationships. No matter the reason, you should keep one thing in mind. If you date someone emotionally unavailable, that relationship will not do you any good.

3 Educators Who Use Art as a Valuable Teaching Tool for Teens

May 17, 2022 by Kristen Lawrence

Educators and art teachers worldwide have realized that art serves as a valuable teaching tool, especially for teens. In a world so focused on achievement and test scores, art offers an escape from these pressures. It’s also an outlet for self-expression and can reduce anxiety, depression, and stress.

Teens today have markedly higher rates of mental illness compared with past generations. They face compounding stresses from the environment, finances, family life, social media, and the general anxiety of modern living. With all of these pressures piling on them, it makes it challenging to maintain a positive outlook. Teachers recognize the hardships young people face and use art as a teaching tool to help them cope.

Art comes in many forms, such as painting, drawing, singing, graphic design, and making TikTok videos. Many older people look down on social media, but it does have its perks. It can serve as an outlet for younger generations and may even help them learn new skills. Many TikTok videos teach people to cook, draw, paint, tell stories, or even perform magic tricks.

It’s not surprising that teens feel drawn to the platform since it helps motivate and inspire them. However, other traditional art mediums still appeal to younger generations as they turn to art therapy for healing.

3 Innovative Educators Who Use Art as a Valuable Teaching Tool for Teens

Art teachers hope to spread the message that school isn’t just for memorizing information to pass tests. Schools today focus entirely too much on metrics and not enough on creative expression. However, the art educators featured below aim to change that, at least a little.

1 – Stephanie Keller

Stephanie Keller, a licensed creative art therapist for Counseling in Schools, helps middle schoolers work through difficult emotions with art. This teaching tool helps students connect with their feelings and make sense of challenging events in their lives. Since March 2020, when the pandemic began, Keller has been teaching middle school students from Queens, New York, via virtual learning. While it’s not an ideal way to learn, the students still look forward to their sessions together.

Keller says that it doesn’t just give students an outlet to express emotions; it also lowers stress and anxiety. Erikah, one of Keller’s students, says they’ve greatly benefitted from the teaching tool. It’s helped them work through anger issues, focus on schoolwork, and calm down after a frustrating event.

Keller typically starts the sessions with a prompt for the students and shows them several paintings to gauge their emotions. After asking which one resonates with them, they’re free to draw an illustration based on the prompt. Other times, she gives them a specific assignment, such as creating a painting on resilience based on the elements of nature.

Along with Keller’s empathy and kindness toward the students, this teaching tool helps them have a more positive outlook on life.

2 – Lauren Amigo

Another licensed creative arts therapist for Counseling in Schools, Lauren spent most of 2020 working with minority students at the Brooklyn Community High School for Excellence & Equity. The school community had been dealing with several emotionally trying events happening simultaneously. For one, Lauren said the school had been “particularly hard hit by the pandemic.”

Also, the world was reeling from the murder of George Floyd and the sometimes violent riots that ensued. Finally, the pandemic led to a rise in anti-Asian hate crimes, making Asian students at the school feel vulnerable.

With all these turbulent events, these at-risk students needed an outlet. Lauren says that using art as a teaching tool helped students process their emotions and provided a source of strength. Many of the students’ artwork depicted the pain and destruction resulting from racism. Lauren said a lot of them “used bright colors of red, which symbolized the slaughtering of many people that look like them.”

This prompted the idea for a larger project about the power of resilience. So, the school sent ceramic tiles to each student, and they worked in groups to express what personal resilience meant to them. When the students returned to school, teachers created a portable mosaic with the tiles. Lauren said this goal was to remind them of their strength in a more positive light.

3 – Tori Wardrip

Tori Wardrip teaches art at Lewis and Clark Middle School in Billings, Montana. She believes in art as a teaching tool to help kids struggling with mental health issues. During her time teaching, she’s seen the challenges students face with depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders.

This urged her to launch Creative Courage, a school support group for teens to talk about their feelings and combine nonverbal exercises. She says some students feel shy or vulnerable talking about emotions with others, so she gives them self-expression exercises. These may include emotional skills like self-awareness, social skills, and self-acceptance.

For example, students may create “mood mandalas,” using specific colors to express their emotions. They can also paint small “comfort” boxes and fill them with items that bring a sense of peace. Others list their worries and affirmations in “place book” journals, including phrases like, “Learn to accept your flaws and learn to accept beauty.” All students receive “place books” where they can jot their private thoughts down and process difficult emotions.

Final Thoughts on Educators Using Art as Teaching Tool

Art therapy has been around for decades, helping students process trauma, heal anxiety, or express themselves. It can also help students with specific mental disorders; for example, children with ADD show improved focus using art therapy. Art as a teaching tool can help children with autism communicate as well.

Art therapy benefits students of all ages, especially children and teens struggling with mental health. In today’s complex world, it’s more important than ever to teach students coping mechanisms. Thankfully, making efforts to include art in education can provide solace, comfort, and a means of self-expression during difficult times.

5 Habits That Prevent You From Attracting Love

May 17, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

Are you attracting love? Relationships? Positivity? Any form of good interactions with the world around you, whether in the form of romantic, platonic, or general senses? If so, you’re not alone! Tons of people want to bring these things into their world.

But what if you’ve been trying for a while and find yourself continually hitting dead ends? Why aren’t you able to locate the things you want, and why do you keep attracting the opposite of your desires? The answer may lie within.

Here are five things that prevent you from attracting love and positivity.

1. Idealizing Others

It’s easy to put on rose-colored glasses when you’re looking for positivity and attracting love from others. But this is a dangerous game to play, as it makes you blind to the negative aspects of the situations you find yourself in. How can you find true positivity and genuine love when you’re injecting its images into places where it doesn’t exist? Here are some ways you may be idealizing others:

· You Look For Perfection

It’s good to have standards, but nobody’s perfect. Love, whether romantic or otherwise, involves an acceptance and understanding of each other’s flaws. If you set out to look for perfection, you will overlook good people and attract liars and manipulators who pretend to match your desires. You’ll also encounter a lot of negativity when you never find what you seek.

· You Create A Fantasy

When you’re about to meet someone for a date or when you approach someone at the bar, it’s a good idea to have positive thinking. But it’s a decidedly bad idea to create a fantasy about the person you’re meeting, idealizing them into a perfect partner that you can build a perfect relationship with. Not only are you setting yourself up for disappointment and the risk of being blindsided by red flags, but you’re also going to intimidate potential love interests who know it’s impossible to measure up to that fantasy.

· You Look For Someone You Need

The path of seeking positivity and love shouldn’t come from a place of borderline desperation. You should want to look for these things, but you shouldn’t feel you need them. If you try to find people and things that fill perceived “voids” in yourself, you’ll become dependent on that person or thing to survive. This is a very toxic form of behavior and creates unhealthy relationships of codependency that sap all positive things out of a partnership.

2. Lack of Self-Love

Self-esteem and self-love dictate the quality of your relationships, so if you want to be in a positive situation of love, you need to give yourself the self-love you deserve. Too often, people look for love while also looking for someone to provide them with confidence, which isn’t an excellent way to go about things. Here are some signs that you lack the self-love necessary to attract love and positivity:

· You Compare Yourself To Others

Being inspired by other people is fine, but constantly comparing yourself to those around you is a recipe for disaster that will remove positive thinking from your life. When you perform these comparisons, you’re holding your internal knowledge of yourself up against the external appearances of those around you. You don’t know their stories, what they’re like, or what goes on when no one’s looking, making all comparisons utterly useless and creating false narratives in your head that send you further into insecurity.

· You Put Yourself Down

You can’t attract positivity if the things you openly say about yourself are negative. Being aware of your weaknesses is good, but that doesn’t mean you should constantly talk down to yourself. Give yourself some credit! It will be hard to attract people who will respect and love you as you are when you don’t respect yourself.

· You Think You’re Unworthy

A viral quote from the book (and movie) “The Perks Of Being A Wildflower” is “we accept the love we think we deserve.” In other words, if you think you’re unworthy of love, you’re unlikely to accept genuine positivity and affection from others in any relationship. This insecurity makes you choose people who aren’t good for you or a partnership in general, and it puts you in adverse situations.

3. Self-Abandonment Stops You From Attracting Love

Have you heard of the concept of the abandonment of the self? It’s a set of behaviors that removes positive things from your world, facilitating further suffering. Typically, the onset of such abandonment is something traumatic or difficult to process, and when you continue to leave yourself abandoned, you wind up perpetuating your pain.

Self-abandonment means separating yourself from your inner truth, and it’s easy to guess why this can prevent you from attracting love and positivity. Here are some ways that you may be abandoning yourself without realizing it:

· You Judge Yourself

Everyone’s made mistakes, and the point is to learn from them, apologize where needed, and move on wiser and more robust. If you’ve been judging yourself, you’re holding yourself responsible for things that you should let go of, and that attracts negativity.

· You Ignore How You Feel

Your emotions exist for a reason. Even if they’re not all rational, they’re a reflection of things that bother you, the issues that remain, and sometimes, they’re entirely right about how you should feel. But regardless of whether or not these feelings have a basis in reality, they all have a basis in you. Ignoring them and repressing them only makes them stronger. What you should be doing instead is paying attention to them, finding their true roots, and working on the issues that cause them. The more you push them away, the worse they will hurt you and drive away any positivity.

· You Make Others Responsible For You

You’re responsible for your actions. When you start to separate yourself from that reality, you may expect other people to pick up after you and help you clean up your messes. The further away you get from yourself, the less responsibility you’ll want to take, and the more red flags that block you from attractive love and positivity.

4. Unmanaged Personal Issues

The fact is that a lot of the time, if you’re not attracting happiness, positive things, or love, it’s because there are things you need to work on and address in yourself or your life before you can bring positivity in. When you don’t handle these problems, you run the risk of simply never learning from your past. Here are some ways that you may have unmanaged personal issues:

· You Haven’t Admitted Your Wrongs

As already mentioned, mistakes are part of life, and everyone makes them. If you know, you’ve done wrong in the past but have never admitted that to yourself, you’re not able to work on the flaws you have that created the wrongdoing. This is a huge red flag to those who would have otherwise brought positivity and love into your life, and they will steer clear instead for fear of being your next target.

· You Have Unaddressed Baggage

Everyone has some baggage in their life, but we all need to work on these things to keep moving forward and start welcoming new, good things. If you’re not addressing the baggage you have, you run the risk of ruining potential attempts at relationships of any kind, and you certainly will perpetuate cycles of negativity.

· You Don’t See Your Patterns

Have you ever noticed that people tend to repeat the same patterns again and again, especially when it comes to relationships? It almost seems like self-sabotage. The fact is that you may have developed unhealthy patterns when it comes to love, remnants of attachment styles you developed in your early childhood. If your relationship with your caregivers was difficult or negative, or if you weren’t safe in childhood, you should be aware that the trauma from then can continue to affect you to this day. It’s not that you’re not attracting love – it’s that you’re actively seeking to recreate those familiar childhood patterns.

5. Lack Of Openness

To form positive relationships and find love – whether romantic or otherwise – you need to be open to it. Being closed off means that others don’t feel like they can form bonds with you, and they may even think you don’t want them around. This can sabotage budding relationships before they even begin. Here are some ways you may show a lack of openness:

· You’re Emotionally Closed Off

Emotional unavailability is a massive turnoff for many people. It reeks of unresolved personal problems and shows that you’re not ready to forge relationships with others. In fact, you may even start to attract closed-off people similarly, bringing new sources of negativity into your life.

· You Act Inauthentic

Everyone puts on a bit of a mask around strangers, on first dates, and in situations where there are certain social norms. But if you actively behave in a way that is untrue to you when you seek love and positivity, you’re creating a false front for others to like. No one will get to know the real you, and as you tailor your personality to each new person, your integrity erodes, and it becomes harder and harder to tell where you end, and the facade begins. If you want to attract genuine, true love of any kind, dare to be yourself.

· You’re Not Opening Your Heart, Blocking You From Attracting Love

Sometimes, the desire to find “love” in any form is overpowering, as society demands it of you. But that doesn’t mean you’re truly ready for it. If you don’t want to open up your heart in the truest sense of the word, you can’t be vulnerable or genuine with others. It’s reasonable to be wary of pain and being hurt, but ultimately an overly heavy focus on that can hurt your chances of finding positivity and love in the long run.

Final Thoughts On Some Things That Prevent You From Attracting Love And Positivity

If you want to attract positivity and love in your life, you need to put your best foot forward, no matter what kind. Working on yourself, developing your strengths, and being happy with who you are first is one of the most guaranteed ways to ensure that your life will be full of that positivity that you so desire!

Going Gluten-free Might Not Help People Who Don’t Have Celiac Disease, Study Says

May 17, 2022 by Kristen Lawrence

A recent study found that going gluten-free doesn’t benefit people without celiac disease.

The study published on May 21st, 2021, by JAMA Network Open also found that women without celiac don’t experience a cognitive decline from eating gluten.

Women in their 50s and 60s who ate the highest amounts of gluten still performed well on cognitive tasks. They scored similarly on cognitive tests to women who ate lower amounts of gluten.

Study co-author Dr. Andrew T. Chan told United Press International (UPI) that people without celiac didn’t improve cognitive function on a low-gluten diet.

“This is in contrast to some … popular press that gluten was harmful and could contribute to cognitive decline or so-called ‘brain fog,'” said Chan, a professor at Harvard Medical School and a gastroenterologist at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston.

Most people in the U.S. consume gluten in their diets. It’s commonly found in foods containing wheat, barley, rye, and other grains. In people with celiac disease, gluten has been linked to a heightened risk of cognitive impairment, according to Chan and his colleagues.

Celiac disease affects approximately 1% of the U.S. population. For people with this condition, gluten triggers a severe immune response which can cause damage to the small intestine. This makes foods with gluten difficult to digest, so they must follow a gluten-free diet.

Celiac disease can also cause multiple neuropsychiatric symptoms because of the heightened immune response. Some people experience cognitive impairment, depression, and anxiety, according to Chan and his colleagues. They added that it’s unclear whether the protein triggers the same response in those without celiac disease.

The study showing gluten-free diets don’t benefit those without celiac disease.

For this study, the researchers recorded the daily gluten consumption of nearly 13,500 women in their 50s and 60s. They did not have a history of celiac disease or its symptoms. The study tracked the participants’ gluten intake over the course of 25 years. It tested their cognitive function at the study’s conclusion and compared these scores for women with the highest gluten intake to those with the lowest.

The study authors determined from the data that long-term gluten consumption didn’t affect cognitive function in middle-aged women without celiac disease. Chan said,

“People without a history of celiac disease should not modify their gluten intake under the belief that it will somehow prevent cognitive decline.”

He added that the evidence doesn’t support going gluten-free for those with no history or diagnosis of celiac disease.

However, there’s a huge financial incentive for companies selling gluten-free foods to continue pushing the diet on customers. According to Harvard University, the gluten-free food industry grew a whopping 136% between 2013 and 2015, with nearly $12 billion in sales in 2015. Interestingly, the researchers discovered that most people buying these products didn’t have celiac disease.

While gluten-free companies tout their products as beneficial to health, studies show the opposite is true. For people without celiac disease, going gluten-free may increase the risk of developing obesity and metabolic syndrome. Doctors describe this as a cluster of biochemical and physiological abnormalities that increase heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, and stroke risk. Research shows that people without celiac may experience weight gain due to improved nutrient absorption.

However, processed gluten-free foods often contain lower fiber and nutrient quality. They also tend to have more refined sugars, saturated fats, and a higher glycemic index. All of these factors can increase the risk of disease when people without celiac eat gluten-free products.

Going gluten-free isn’t necessary for health for those who do not have Celiac disease.

Unless you have celiac disease, there’s no real benefit to consuming gluten-free foods. In fact, it may actually lead to worse health down the road. Clinical nutritionist Samantha Heller analyzed the study results and agreed with the authors’ findings. She says that gluten won’t cause brain rot, despite what the gluten-free food industry claims.

There’s a lot of fear-mongering and misinformation on gluten out there, but it doesn’t poison the brain. People who don’t have celiac or a wheat allergy can eat gluten without fearing negative health consequences. Gluten will not cause brain inflammation, cognitive decline, or gut issues in people without celiac disease.

However, other preventable diseases such as heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and obesity can lead to cognitive problems, according to Heller. For example, Type 2 diabetes almost doubles the risk of dementia. Also, studies have found that heart disease leads to a 45% increase in impaired cognition. According to Heller, overweight or obese people have a higher risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease and dementia.

She added that, instead of pushing misinformation, we should focus on improving our overall health. Doing what we can to prevent disease will boost brain function, and it doesn’t require going gluten-free.

Here are a few common practices to maintain health and well-being:

Make sure to exercise daily, doing something you enjoy. It will make it easier to work out if you actually like the activity.
Eat more vegetables with your meals. Countries with the longest-living people eat mostly veggies and consider meat a complement to their meals.
Include fresh fruits in your diet as well, along with more whole grain products. Foods like 100% whole wheat bread, multigrain cereals, oats, and barley are healthy choices.
Avoid vegetable oils, as they’re more refined and can actually lead to heart problems. Choose extra virgin olive oil, avocado oil, or butter instead.
Consume processed animal proteins, like lunch meats and sausage, sparingly or avoid them altogether. These have been linked to a higher risk of cancer and heart problems. If you’re a meat-eater, choose fresh cuts of meat that haven’t been smoked or processed.
Drink plenty of water or herbal teas to stay hydrated. Avoid drinking excess caffeine or sugary beverages.

Final thoughts about a study showing that going gluten-free does not improve health in those without celiac

Despite the gluten-free food industry advertises, following this diet doesn’t make sense for those without celiac. If you’ve been sucked into the gluten-free trap, we hope this study will ease your fears about gluten. You can safely eat products with gluten as long as you don’t have celiac disease or a wheat allergy. You’ll save money, too, as gluten-free products are 242% more expensive than regular products, on average!

20 Signs a Friend Might Be Dealing With Spousal Abuse

May 17, 2022 by Chris Butler

Do you believe someone you care about faces a struggle with spousal abuse?

It’s normal for people to have less time to spend with their friends and family when they enter a new relationship or get married. Understandably, they want to spend every waking minute together, as new love is often an overwhelming emotion that dominates their life.

However, how do you know if the changes are due to true love or something else? Could their absence be due to spousal abuse, and do they need help? If your once best friend is hardly around and is eager to end phone calls, it can be due to a relationship issue.

As things progress, you may witness verbal bashings on the phone or watch them be dragged out of a public place because they didn’t follow orders. Many relationships start as a picture-perfect romance; however, they end in disaster.

Identifying the Twenty Most Frequent Signs of Spousal Abuse

Sadly, the indications that someone is in a psychologically abusive or physically abusive relationship are often subtle. These signs may go unnoticed to you and those around them. Most people don’t get on social media and post their need for help, as it’s up to you to figure out what’s going on.

Some signs of spousal abuse are glaringly obvious, while others are a bit more discrete. Here are the twenty red flags that someone might be dealing with an abusive and c.

1. Their Grooming Habits Are Changing

A person who seemingly always had it together may begin to look like they don’t care about their appearance anymore. Their once quaffed hair has become a rat’s nest that looks like it hasn’t been combed. The truth maybe they have 101 things on their mind, and being a snappy dresser isn’t one of them.

Did you know that one of the most significant indicators of mental illness is a lack of personal hygiene? According to Mental Help, when someone becomes depressed, their hygiene is often one of the first things to go. It’s not that they don’t care about their appearance. It’s that the things going on inside their head dominates their life.

2. A Victim of Spousal Abuse May Have Physical Wounds

It’s normal for people to stub their toe, burn a finger while cooking, or get the occasional bruise or bump. However, when you start seeing more physical wounds and the explanations become more bizarre, it indicates an issue.

Abusive situations can take on many forms, and it doesn’t always result in a black eye. If you think things might be out of whack, confront your friend about the frequency and severity of their wounds.

3. Clothing Are Seasonally Inappropriate

People who have physical wounds to hide will often use seasonally inappropriate clothing. For instance, if they usually wear shorts in the summer, they have only worn jeans this year might be a significant indication of an issue. Additionally, wearing scarves constantly or long sleeves when it’s hot outside can also indicate trouble.

4. Appearance Improves or Making Drastic Changes

While some folks let their appearance go, others try to change and become the trophy wife or husband the other person wants. You may see them get plastic surgery, do other enhancements to their body, and get a new wardrobe. They feel that it will keep the spousal abuse at bay if they become the perfect person for their partner.

5. A Victim of Spousal Abuse May Have a Changing Social Life

An individual in an abusive situation won’t be as social as before, especially since they have a big secret to hide. They will avoid social activities as they know it will upset their partner and cause reprimand or abuse.

6. The Confidence Level Has Sunken to A New Low

Was this person once confident, but now their self-esteem is exceptionally low? It’s an indication that something has changed in their life. It doesn’t always indicate an abusive situation, but it can be one sign that something isn’t right.

7. The Body Language Is Different

Body language is a significant indicator of what’s going on inside. If your once chill friend is suddenly uptight and not able to relax, it’s a red flag.

8. They’re Distracted or Preoccupied

You can’t even carry on a conversation with this person anymore. Their mind is a million miles away, and they seem to be somewhere else. They could be preoccupied with the abusive situation in their home.

9. They Can’t Put Down Their Phone with Not with Their Partner

If you manage to score some time with them, they will need to be texting or calling their spouse regularly. It’s almost as if they’re afraid of what might happen if they don’t keep in close contact with them. Those who are involved in spousal abuse certainly don’t want to upset the other party.

10. They Only Tell You Superficial Things About Their Relationship

When you ask how things are going with their relationship, they tend to keep things very surface. They don’t want to reveal too much of what’s going on. The chances are that they feel they’re to blame for the state of their relationship, and they don’t want you to see their spouse in a negative light.

11. Spousal Abuse Victims Quit Posting on Social Media Platforms

If this person always posted on social media, but now they’re gone, it’s an indication that something is going on. When someone is being abused, they try to hide so that their situation isn’t brought to light. Their abuser has them manipulated into thinking they will hurt them further or even kill them if they try to get away.

12. Communication Habits Change During Spousal Abuse

You hardly ever hear from your friend anymore, and if they do call, the conversation seems forced or rushed. It’s not that they don’t love you; it’s that they don’t love the situation that they’re in. As a result, they don’t know how to tell you that they need help.

13. They’re Distant and Blow Off Friends

Other friends and even family members are complaining that it’s impossible to get ahold of this person. They ignore phone calls, texts and don’t show up at family dinners anymore. They’ve become so distant because they’re afraid that someone might realize what’s going on in their life.

14. They Won’t Discuss the Past

They don’t remember anything before the person they’re with now. If you bring up the past, they’re eager to dismiss it because of the jealousy issues it raises with their current spouse.

15. They Stop Socializing and Doing Their Favorite Activities

Forget Friday night movies with their friends and the bowling league they were so proud of. Now, they only seem to have time for their spouse, and if they try to sneak away, it may become an ugly situation.

16. They’re Always Rushed

If you do manage to get a few minutes of your friend’s time, don’t be upset if they seem rushed. They may have time frames, and they fear what might happen if they don’t make it home in time.

17. It Always Looks Like They’re Sleep Deprived or Have Been Crying

You can tell someone who is abused by the bags under their eyes or the look as if they’ve cried all night. Since the eyes are the window to the soul, it’s evident that something internal is affecting their rest.

18. They Begin to Lie and Make-Up Stories

Your once trustworthy friend is now telling stories. You’ve caught them in a few lies, and it’s not like them at all. They’re probably covering for their abuser as they’ve confused love and devotion with a toxic relationship.

19. Spousal Abuse Victims Might Have Unexplained Financial Burdens

If you’ve noticed a significant change in your friend’s finances, it can be due to an abusive situation. The abuser will often cut off money from the other party to manage and manipulate them.

Money is almost always one of the tactics used by an abuser who needs to gain control, and it helps them keep them from escaping too.

20. The Emotions Change or Seem Fake

They smile, but it seems like this smile is forced. They will laugh, but it’s not the same as it used to be. Their emotions are fake and pushed, and their whole personality is changing.

Final Thoughts on Your Friend Dealing with Spousal Abuse

The longer a person stays in this kind of relationship, the more manipulated they will be. Additionally, a verbally abusive situation can turn physical in the blink of an eye. The worst thing you can do is ignore all the red flags.

A person experiencing spousal abuse may shut you out, but there are ways to help them. Your friend is worthy of love, the real, proper kind. They need to take back their life, and you can help.

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline is easy to reach at 1-800-799-7233. Encourage them to get help, even if you must slip them the number.

15 Things That Separate a Realist from a Pessimist

May 16, 2022 by Chris Butler

There’s a fine line between being a realist and being negative. It’s the same reason why some people can see the glass as half full while others see it as half empty. Realists take a pragmatic approach to their views and try to remain neutral rather than negative.

Let’s assume that you’ve been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. It’s a severe health condition that affects more than 7-10 million people within this country, according to Parkinson’s News Today. Considering the situation with the optimist, pessimist, and realistic individual, here are the various views that you can expect:

Optimist: “Well, thankfully, it’s not a terminal illness, and I can still live a long life.”
Pessimist: “Great, now I’m going to shake uncontrollably and end up in a nursing home on a feeding tube.”
Realist: “Parkinson’s is a serious disease that I will have to live with. Thankfully, it’s not fatal, though it will cause me some discomfort. Treatments can be helpful.”

In this scenario, the realist is right in the middle between the pessimists and the optimists. They take both the positive and negative to form an objective opinion.

They see things precisely as they’re presented. Remember, life is all about the ups and downs and craziness along the way, but you must learn to keep things in perspective. Is it any wonder why those who dwell on negative thought processes have more mental and physical health problems?

Fifteen Beliefs That Separate the Realist from The Pessimist

So how do you separate the beliefs of the realist and the pessimist? Though it’s an exceedingly small line to maneuver, there’s absolutely a difference. Here are fifteen ways for you to consider.

1. They Acknowledge Their Weaknesses

It’s never easy to admit your faults, but realist has learned that they need to be honest with themselves. If they’re always late, they will say they have this issue and try to do better. The pessimist will take the matter to heart and see it as a significant character flaw.

2. A Realist Will Accept That No One Is Perfect

Realistic folks know that there isn’t a perfect person on this planet. If you were flawless, there would be no reason to learn life lessons to help you flourish. Life is all about growth and becoming a better person.

However, the pessimist puts others down because they see them as “less than.” They look at the shortcomings within themselves and use that as a basis to judge others.

3. They Give Good Dating Advice

Looking at things factually allows you to give sound advice. When seeking help in the dating scene, you should always talk with someone with a real-world view. Pessimists can’t be optimistic about dating or falling in love, as they’re stuck in a negative mindset. Talk to someone who can look at it realistically, as they usually give advice you can use.

4. They Don’t Assume the Worst

The pessimist will look at the situation and always assume the worst. For instance, imagine your car broke down on the freeway on your way to work. They will automatically think the engine blew and they will need a new car.

A person with a realistic mindset won’t jump to conclusions until a mechanic checks out the vehicle. They know 101 things on a motor vehicle can make it stop running, and they wait until they’re faced with the truth before reacting.

5. A Realist Knows That a Difference of Opinion Isn’t a Personal Attack

Someone who looks at things realistically knows that everyone has a different opinion. The world would be boring if everyone thought and felt the same. However, a negative person tends to see differing opinions as personal attacks, which isn’t the case.

6. They Combat Issues Head On

In keeping with their rational nature, someone who thinks realistically tries to resolve conflict immediately. However, the negative Nelly wants to run and hide, as they feel hopeless and lost. Realists use their hope, faith, and spirituality to get through tough times, while pessimists fall to pieces.

7. They Know the Storms Will Pass

The pessimist is ready to throw in the towel when trouble strikes, but the realistic person knows that it can’t always rain. But eventually, the sun will shine again.

Having the “this too shall pass” attitude is constructive. Life is full of storms, and you can’t fall to pieces over every raincloud that comes your way.

8. A Realist Looks for Creative Problem-Solving Skills

One characteristic that is well-loved by sensible people is their unique problem-solving abilities. They will think outside the box to resolve an issue, and you won’t catch them losing a night’s sleep over it. However, the pessimistic person is quite different in their approach.

This individual is likely to become depressed as they feel the situation is not repairable.

9. They Have Clarity and Decency in Thinking

The realistic person isn’t expecting good things, but it doesn’t mean they’re strictly looking for bad ones. However, they use past indications and facts to gauge an informed decision.

However, the pessimist jumps to conclusions based on their irrational feelings. They let their emotions run wild, impairing their thinking and judgment.

10. They’re Objective and Scientific by Nature

If they hear on a commentary that the hole in the ozone layer is getting larger, they won’t believe anything until they look at scientific studies. They want proof that what they’re hearing is true; then, they look at the evidence objectively.

On the other hand, the pessimist would hear the report and take it as a sign of the end of the world of impending doom. They wouldn’t do any research, but they would take the person’s word from the documentary and panic over it.

11. They Don’t Dwell on What Could Be

A pessimist can drive themselves crazy worrying about the future and what could be. However, the realistic person tends to take each day as they come. They don’t get all worked up over the doom and gloom and what might happen, as they’ve learned to live in the moment.

12. They Have Hope

More people should strive to have a sensible point of view as it gives them hope. Did you know that many pessimistic people often have underlying severe mental disorders because they feel hopeless? Negative thinking can indeed affect your mind, body, and soul.

According to an article published by the National Library of Medicine, optimists have better mental health as there is power in positive thinking.

13. They Don’t See the World Through Filters

An optimist is someone who looks at the world through rose-colored glasses and might be oblivious to some dangers. The pessimist looks at the world through dark glasses, and dark clouds and rain plague their existence. However, the realistic person tends to have no filters. They see the world for what it is.

14. Realists Are Generally Easy-Going People

Those who have a simplified thought process often are very easygoing. They don’t get all worked up like the negative folks, so they don’t have much stress on their plate. They tend to take things as they come and don’t lie awake at night worrying about things that might never happen, either.

15. They’re Not Brutal

The best thing about real people is that they’re not brutal. People often come to you when they want to know the truth, knowing you will tell them the way it is without being mean. No, you won’t sugarcoat things, but you’re not going to lean into the negative side, either.

Unlike the pessimist who tends to freak out and spaz about minor issues, this individual is very informed but never jumps to conclusions. No wonder so many people like to have the realistic individual in their inner circle, as it helps keep them grounded.

Final Thoughts on Knowing the Differences Between a Pessimist and a Realist

Life is all about perceptions. Each person can look at a situation and see it very differently. For example, if you’ve been in a car accident, the optimist might say they needed a new car anyway, and the incident was a blessing in disguise.

The pessimist might say the insurance company will never pay off this loan, and they will be in debt and never be able to get another car. The realist will wait till the insurance report comes in to react. They want the facts, and they’re not going to jump to conclusions or stress till they find out the details.

Once they have gathered all the information they need, they will decide how to proceed. There are times in life when you will have a bit of all these personality types. It’s like being on the freeway; it’s always safest to ride in the middle lane, which means you’re neither going too fast nor too slow.

More people should strive to take on the realistic point of view, as it’s an excellent spot to be for overall good mental health.

15 Signs You Should Raise Your Standards in Your Relationship

May 16, 2022 by Chris Butler

Everyone has specific criteria they desire in a partner, so you raise your standards in the search.

Some have a mental checklist that they keep ensuring that they check all the boxes. However, if you can’t find someone that lives up to your expectations, you may lower your standards.

Finding love is difficult, but are your standards so high that you’re looking for someone that only exists in fairy tales or your dreams? Have you ever heard that if you don’t stand for something that you will fall for anything?

Well, don’t fall for just anybody. You want to make sure you’re with the right person. Though it’s tempting to lower your requirements to keep from being alone, you need to keep your standards high for your protection.

Remember, there’s only one thing worse than being single, and that’s when you’re with the wrong partner. The wrong guy or girl can make your life miserable. Even the good ones take work and can still drive you mad at times.

Fifteen Ways to Raise Your Standards

It sounds strange to hear someone say that you need to raise your standards. You must safeguard your heart, as once it’s broken, it takes a long time to mend. You can’t just give your heart away to anyone that checks boxes on your proverbial list.

Additionally, you cannot lower morals or beliefs to find someone who looks good on your arm. Here are fifteen ways to evaluate your standards and help you keep them high.

1. Determine What’s Most Important to You

Determine the things that you absolutely want to have in a partner. Do you like someone with a bubbly personality or a person who is quiet and meek?

Determine what values and lifestyle you want and choose someone that is a good match for your personality. Set your boundaries, and don’t deviate from them.

2. Never Be Swayed by Outside Influences

If you’re single far beyond the expected time frame, then your friends and family members feel they must help you. You will be badgered and encouraged to date people from all walks of life.

They may even persuade you to stop being so picky. However, you don’t have to listen to them. It’s tempting to buy into the loneliness and drop your criteria, but you don’t have to settle.

3. Use A Relationship Coach

It sounds like a bizarre job title, but a relationship coach can help you determine what qualities to look for in a mate. While you may be attracted to the “bad boy,” what you need is someone grounded and stable. These folks can help you put your goals in writing.

4. Keep Your Standards Purposeful

It’s okay if you have a vivid picture of what your perfect partner looks like. You want someone who will enhance your life and not destroy it. Some good standards to have for a spouse are things like the following traits, according to your needs:

•Hardworking

•Loving

•Honest

•Caring

•Highly Educated

•Wants Children

While these are all great qualities to have, you shouldn’t turn down someone just because they miss a couple of the marks. If they check most of the boxes, give them a chance.

5. Know Your Worth

Before you can love anyone else, you must first love yourself. You need to know your true worth. Don’t think dollars and cents, and don’t ever settle for anyone who treats you “less than” or brings you to a level that is beneath you.

6. Embrace The Person You Are

You’re a human being that has been made uniquely. There will never be another person quite like you. You don’t have to settle for someone with significant flaws when those times of desperation come.

Embrace who and what you are, and know that you’re valuable to your family, friends, and self.

7. Don’t Ignore Warning Signs

When you start into a relationship, you will often see red flags along the way. Some of these precursors are more ominous than others. However, when you see things that don’t sit well with you, it’s time to raise your standards, not lower them.

If someone lies or misrepresents themselves to you, it doesn’t take long for their true colors to come shining through. Sure, it’s challenging to start over from scratch, but it’s much better than living in misery.

8. Believe In Yourself

It’s okay to pat yourself on the back and be proud of who you’re in life. You can hold your head high and walk down the street knowing you’re the best person you can be. When it comes to the dating world, it’s okay to hype yourself up a bit.

Your strong, intelligent, beautiful/handsome, and it’s time you start believing it. Each morning when you get out of bed, try reciting positive affirmations that help you believe in yourself.

According to BestSelf Co, those who use positive affirmations have a better outlook on life. Nothing makes you more attractive to potential suitors than a good attitude.

9. Let The Past Guide You

Rather than wallowing in the disappointments of the past, use these life lessons as steppingstones. You’re not the same person you were a month ago, a year ago, or ten years ago. Life changes in the blink of an eye, and rather than using your past as a jail sentence, allow it to mold you into a better person for the future.

10. Learn Patience

While patience is a great virtue to have, it does not come easily. The reason why so many people end up in bad relationships is that they rush. When you raise your standards, it means you wait patiently until the perfect person comes your way.

Sure, it’s hard to sit on the sidelines while your friends get married and start families, but patience tells you that your day will come. The timing must be correct.

11. Never Give Up Hope

If you don’t have a vision, then you’ll perish. Those who don’t dream will die inside. It would help if you had hope, faith, and belief that good things can and will happen to you.

Have you ever seen someone get sick and give up their will to live? What happens to this person? Once their will to live is gone, they pass from this life.

12. Take Care of Your Appearance

Self-care is essential to being desirable to others. Raise your standards not only in your actions but also in your appearance. Get that new dress, spring for a fancy haircut, and don’t be afraid to buy that designer fragrance.

It’s time you take care of your needs first. When you take care of yourself, others can’t help but notice. It will make you way more attractive than someone who puts little thought into their appearance.

13. Don’t Compromise Your Beliefs

A desperate person will stoop to unthinkable levels to get what they want. Some people become so desperate for someone to love them that they will be with an individual who isn’t suited for them. Take, for instance, a girl that falls in love with someone she knows who uses illegal drugs.

Sure, the love and support they give them feel so good at that moment, but she has no idea the life of torment she’s in for with this individual. Nothing good ever comes on compromising your beliefs and values to find love.

14. Be Honest with Yourself and Them

You don’t believe in lying, and you’ve always been known for telling the truth. However, it’s easy to embellish your attributes a bit. The world of internet dating has opened the door for people to be dishonest.

A study was done by The Independent in the United Kingdom found that seven percent of all messages sent on dating apps were dishonest. It’s tempting, but be yourself, even if you’re hiding behind a computer or smartphone screen.

15. Be Kind

You want to show your best self when dating anyone. Raise your standards to showcase your attributes. It’s easy to play mind games and even dominate the situation, but you want to give this person the same respect you deserve.

You don’t want to appear insecure or cruel, so never talk bad or gossip about others, and treat the person you’re with well. Even if it’s the first date and you don’t want there to be a second one, enjoy the time you’re spending with them.

Just because they’re not “the one” for you doesn’t mean that they deserve anything less than your kindness and consideration.

Final Thoughts on Raising Your Standards

Many people who’ve been hurt badly raise their standards to superior levels. The goal is to avoid being hurt again. However, you take a chance each time you get involved with someone, but it’s a chance worth taking.

To find a great relationship, you must be opened to receiving it. There are amazing people out there that can click with you and be your other half, but you first must know your self-worth and that you deserve that kind of love. Change your outlook, keep your standards high, and you will find the one your soul longs for.

15 Habits to Help Overcome Anger

May 16, 2022 by Chris Butler

Do you have a short fuse that can hinder your efforts to overcome anger? It’s a primary human emotion that nobody can avoid forever.

However, controlling and overcoming anger is a mark of spiritual growth and maturity.

Fifteen Habits That Help You Control Your Temper

Anger is one of the easiest emotions to show because it can mask fear and inadequacy. But, if you don’t deal with it and remain an explosive hothead, it will affect the quality of your life. So here are fifteen easy-to-implement methods to help you overcome anger, even if you feel justified.

1. Counting

Counting to ten to help your anger may be the oldest trick in the book, but it can help. So, the next time your blood starts to boil, and you’re ready to roar, close your mouth and slowly count from one to ten in your mind.

You’d be surprised at the difference ten seconds can make in your mood. That brief pause may also minimize your chances of spouting off something you’ll regret later. While you’re counting, breathe and focus on calmness.

The counting method is often helpful in a sudden situation when you don’t know all the facts. If counting to ten doesn’t help, try counting to twenty or thirty. The whole concept is to give yourself time to think before reacting, even if you’re right.

2. Tune It Out with Music

Remember the old saying that music calms the savage beast? It’s also an ideal way to overcome anger. An article published by BJPsych Journal International shares the long-accepted link between music and human emotion. Not only can music lift your spirits, but it’s also been shown to help those with mood disorders.

Listening to some of your favorite tunes may give you a sense of calm when you’re angry. It may be instrumental if you’re ruminating about past hurts that have built up resentment in your mind. It’s hard to be mad when you’re listening to an upbeat song that makes you want to dance and sing along.

3. Do Some Stretches

Think of how your body reacts when your temper flares. You feel all your muscles tense; your insides quiver, and your mind races. In fact, sudden anger triggers your survival mode, and you’re usually ready to fight.

That steaming flush of stress hormones that are pouring into your bloodstream speeds up your pulse and breathing. Adrenaline and cortisone are meant to be temporary boosts for survival. However, chronic stress that comes with uncontrolled anger issues can wreak havoc on your body, mind, and spirit.

Another good way to overcome anger and the stress response is to do stretches or yoga. As you move and stretch your body slowly and smoothly, it relaxes your muscles. According to an article published by the NCCIH Clinical Digest, practicing yoga may boost your moods and lower your stress levels.

4. Take a Hike

Here’s another classic recommendation to overcome anger and to avoid hostile confrontation. When you feel like you’re ready to scream and rake someone over the coals, you may find peace by taking a long walk. If somebody is aggressive or makes you angry enough for violence, it’s time to walk away.

Something is soothing about taking a hike and breathing fresh air. While you’re taking in all the beauties of nature, you often feel a welcome serenity. Walking is an ideal exercise, and it gives you a chance to get a better perspective of what’s making you mad.

5. Recognize Your Triggers

Like most people, you usually know the people and situations that push your temper over the edge. But, unfortunately, no matter how hard you try, these confrontations leave you emotionally drained and boiling mad. Recognizing and avoiding these triggers is essential to overcome anger.

Unfortunately, some of your anger triggers are difficult to avoid altogether. Maybe just the sight of a loud-mouthed relative makes your temperature rise. On the other hand, if they are someone you only see at family reunions or special occasions, you can have as little interaction as possible.

What are some of the situations that are quick to make you see red? For example, are you impatient in drive-thru lines or when your kids leave the family room trashed again? Situational triggers may require that you find ways to cope with them better.

There are some toxic people and situations that have caused you to harbor resentment. Even when you think of them, the anger is fresh again. Learning how to forgive and go on can go a long way in releasing your wrath.

6. Zip Your Lips

How many times have you spouted something out of anger and instantly regretted it? It’s a common human flaw that can blow situations out of proportion and destroy relationships. When you’re angry, you’re often tempted to yell and use your words as weapons.

Of course, you should speak up when somebody is trying to hurt or take advantage of you. However, there are situations where it’s best to close your mouth and don’t open it until you’re thinking more rationally.

Remember that it’s impossible to “take back” things you say in the heat of anger. It’s like trying to put the toothpaste back neatly in the tube. Of course, you can apologize and try to make amends, but your flippant comments won’t be forgotten.

Err on the side of caution and keep your mouth shut. It’s a good time to count to ten and practice mindful breathing. After you decide the right time to speak, weigh each word carefully.

7. Phone a Friend

Is your temper ready to erupt like a violent volcano? Sometimes, talking to a close friend can help you. Choose someone who will keep your confidence. Your goal isn’t to make your friend uncomfortable by choosing sides.

Talking to a trusted friend or loved one will allow you to vent and calm your wrath. If they are an active listener, they will hear what you say without passing judgment. They may also gently offer other perspectives that you hadn’t considered.

8. Channel Your Anger

Sometimes when you’re irritated beyond measure, a mental diversion is in order. Go to a batting cage and knock a few home runs to calm your spirits. Exercise or work on your favorite hobbies so you can release those negative emotions.

9. Change Your Shoes

It’s not easy being empathetic when you’re angry at somebody. However, calm reflection may help you see the other person’s point of view. How would you feel if you were in their shoes? Is your indignation justified?

10. Write a Letter

Maybe a friend or a loved one has flared your temper so much that you feel like verbally ripping them to shreds. However, as you learn to overcome anger, you realize that such actions don’t resolve the situation, and it only makes matters worse.

Instead, hold your peace and vent your frustration in a letter. Now’s your time to let the person know what you think of them. Set the letter aside for a while and read it later. You may see the situation differently without anger clouding your vision.

11. Laugh

Rage drains you physically, mentally, and emotionally. Another way to overcome anger is to use a little fun. Are you feeling angry and ready to snap at someone? Try watching a good comedy or do something that will make you laugh and relax.

12. Time Your Anger

Your life is too short to waste on energy-zapping frustration. Make a deal with yourself that the next time you’re in a fury, you only have an allotted time for it. If you need to set a timer and allow yourself 15-20 minutes to grump and growl, then try to stay calm the rest of the day.

13. Repeat Your Mantra

Trying to bring yourself down from a fit of fury isn’t always easy. However, some people successfully overcome anger by meditating and repeating a mantra, silently or aloud. Pick one that speaks to you, like “Peace and calm” or “I can beat this.”

It’s a way of using the law of attraction to manifest what you desire. As you validate your sense of calm and feelings of positivity, the Universe agrees, and it happens. Use your mantra to boost your affirmations.

14. Write in Your Journal

Journaling takes you into your singular world, and you’re free to speak your mind. Write as if to a trusted friend and reveal your frustrations and angry thoughts. It may help you feel better by offering yourself compassion and permission to vent.

15. Express Your Anger Maturely

Sometimes, any reasonable person would have a right to be mad. The key is how you react and how you voice your feelings. You have a right to tell someone that they have offended you to the point of anger.

Try to speak in a calm voice that isn’t threatening or escalates the problem. When you address the issue without hurling insults and curses, the offender is more apt to listen and apologize. If not, walk away and keep your distance until amends are made.

Final Thoughts on How to Overcome Anger

It’s only human to be angry when people or situations are hurtful. Although you can’t undo the past, you can choose how you react. Dispelling wrath and bitterness can bring you the peace you need for a joyful life.

12 Habits to Help Sharpen Your Parental Instincts

May 16, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

New parents often hear that their parental instincts will kick in when their child is born. Once the child is born, however, parents might not feel much different. So questioning your parental instincts and wondering if yours are good enough is normal.

All good parents wonder if they are doing the right thing and if their parental instincts are on point. Plus, you likely want to learn how to sharpen your instincts to become a better parent to your child.

Twelve Habits to Help Sharpen Your Parental Instincts

Developing good habits can help you sharpen your parental instinct, and you can adapt the habits to work for your lifestyle. Of course, everyone parents differently, and that is okay, so learning to hone in on your skills and instincts can make all the difference.

1. Regularly Spend Quality Time with Your Children

One of the best ways to sharpen your instincts is to spend more quality time together. If you have more than one child, set up times for only you and one child. Then, rotate through your children so that everyone gets that undivided attention from you.

You don’t even have to do anything out of the ordinary to spend quality time with your child. For example, help them with an art or science project or take them shopping. You can also take them to the park or go for a walk together.

Other ideas are to play with them or build something together. It doesn’t matter what you choose to do during your time together. The point is only to have that one-on-one time with your child so that your instincts can sharpen.

2. Talk About Feelings and Encourage Your Child to Do the Same

While you don’t want to overwhelm your child with your feelings, you must use emotional words. Choose phrases that emphasize feeling in your daily conversations, and your child will begin to do the same. Then, you can recognize when your child is feeling anything out of the ordinary.

When you recognize the way your child feels and can sense subtle changes, your instincts will quickly kick in. First, normalize talking about feelings so that you can help your child through feelings of sadness, frustration, fear, or anger.

3. Surround Yourself with a Good Support System

Spending time with other people that have good instincts can boost yours. Everyone learns from each other and can use support sometimes. So allowing yourself to have that type of support system can boost your confidence and give you good people to bounce your thoughts off.

Surrounding yourself with a positive parental support system also allows you to receive good advice. If you trust the people that you are around, then you can sharpen your parental instincts with their assistance.

4. Gratefully Accept Advice

Sometimes, advice comes unwarranted, and it can be pretty useless. Most of the time, though, even when the suggestions aren’t the best, they were given with good intentions. So rather than let the unsolicited advice eat away at you, accept it with gratitude and file it in your mind.

If you use the advice, that’s great, and it can help with your parental instincts. However, if you decide that the advice won’t work for you, it is still sharpening your instincts. Anytime you learn something new about your parenting style and values, you are becoming better.

You don’t have to agree with anyone or follow all of the parenting advice you receive. Instead, express your gratitude for the thought, and decide later on what you will do with the information. Listening to their advice and accepting it gratefully will help you learn about your parental instincts.

With advice from others, you can navigate the world of parenting in a way that you are comfortable with. You will learn about the things you value and your goals as a parent. Just remember that you don’t have to implement the advice for it to help you out.

5. Practice Coping Methods

With healthy coping strategies, you can truly hone in on your parental instincts. Rather than overreacting or panicking when something happens, you can assess the situation appropriately. Not only does this help with your instincts, but it helps your child learn to cope, too.

If you can stay calm and roll with whatever happens, your instincts will kick in. As a result, you will find that you are more level-headed and have a better idea of what to do next.

6. Acknowledge that Every Child is Different and that You Know Your Child Best

Recognizing your child’s differences is essential to sharpening your parental instincts. No two children are alike because they all have individual personalities, influences, and temperaments. Knowing these details about your child can sharpen your instincts quickly and effectively.

Not everything that works for others will work for you and your child. Keep this in mind and consider your child as an individual when making decisions or helping them.

7. Practice Mindfulness and Mental Strength Exercises

Working with your children to practice mindfulness and mental strength, you can sharpen your instincts. These things will help you think clearly, allowing you to make logical and helpful choices. Think things through before you act, and assess whether your ideas will make a difference.

Sometimes the simple act of reflection can help you figure out your child’s needs and desires. Take the time to think everything through before reacting. It will help you weigh the pros and cons of any experience.

8. Don’t Worry About Being Judged

The best way to sharpen your parental instincts is to stop worrying about being judged. Don’t do things simply because society expects you to. Instead, do what you are comfortable with as a parent.

For small children, this could mean letting them sleep in your bedroom. Or, it could mean putting them back to bed every time they get up instead. These two opposite parenting methods are okay, so don’t think about being judged as a parent.

Everyone parents differently, and that is great since all kids are different. However, don’t feel like you have to conform to societal standards and do what you are comfortable with in all instances. When you parent in this way, you won’t feel as guilty at the end of the day.

It is also important to note that there are negatives to every positive parenting situation. None of the parenting methods out there are perfect, and they won’t all work for every child. Whatever you choose, there will be someone out there that disagrees.

9. Set Goals as a Family

Setting goals as a family is essential to truly get to know your kids and developing your parental instincts. As you all work together, you will experience mistakes, failure, and success throughout the process. This journey together will help you recognize your child’s strengths, weaknesses, and areas of growth.

The goals can be anything that benefits the entire family. For example, you could choose a fitness goal, an academic goal, or simply beating personal records. As you teach your children to challenge themselves, you will develop your instincts, as well.

10. Work on Problem Solving

As a parent, you will likely want to fix all of your child’s problems for them. You must resist the urge, though, if you want to sharpen your instincts. Watching your child figure things out alone helps them with problem-solving while helping you recognize unique things about your child.

Working on problem-solving can help you see how they process things and what their thought process is like. Knowing these small things about your child can help you identify what your child is thinking or doing without asking them.

11. Trust Yourself

No matter the situation you find yourself in, trust yourself to do what is right. Choose your first response because that is your parental instinct.

Even when you have a ton of options, your first one is usually correct. Then, if you have time to think it through, you should exercise that option. However, many parenting experiences require a quick reaction.

If you follow your gut instinct, you will likely solve the problem. Even if it wasn’t the perfect response, it is better than questioning yourself before reacting.

12. Pay Attention to Rules

Paying attention to the rules will surprisingly help you sharpen your parental instincts. Rules are different everywhere, so understanding and enforcing limits is essential to hone in on your instincts. In addition, knowing what to expect can help you address your child appropriately for every situation.

Final Thoughts on Habits to Help Sharpen Your Parental Instincts

When you feel like you don’t have all the answers, that is okay because no one else does, either. In an instant, your parental instinct will kick in, even if you don’t realize it. That first reaction or thought you have is your instinct, so trust yourself to do the right thing at the moment.

Remember that you know your child better than anyone else does or ever could. You will know what they need or what the right choice is, so follow your instinct and pay attention to your thoughts. Your ability to adapt to your child’s unspoken signs is greater than you realize.

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