Are you attracting love? Relationships? Positivity? Any form of good interactions with the world around you, whether in the form of romantic, platonic, or general senses? If so, you’re not alone! Tons of people want to bring these things into their world.
But what if you’ve been trying for a while and find yourself continually hitting dead ends? Why aren’t you able to locate the things you want, and why do you keep attracting the opposite of your desires? The answer may lie within.
Here are five things that prevent you from attracting love and positivity.
1. Idealizing Others
It’s easy to put on rose-colored glasses when you’re looking for positivity and attracting love from others. But this is a dangerous game to play, as it makes you blind to the negative aspects of the situations you find yourself in. How can you find true positivity and genuine love when you’re injecting its images into places where it doesn’t exist? Here are some ways you may be idealizing others:
It’s good to have standards, but nobody’s perfect. Love, whether romantic or otherwise, involves an acceptance and understanding of each other’s flaws. If you set out to look for perfection, you will overlook good people and attract liars and manipulators who pretend to match your desires. You’ll also encounter a lot of negativity when you never find what you seek.
· You Create A Fantasy
When you’re about to meet someone for a date or when you approach someone at the bar, it’s a good idea to have positive thinking. But it’s a decidedly bad idea to create a fantasy about the person you’re meeting, idealizing them into a perfect partner that you can build a perfect relationship with. Not only are you setting yourself up for disappointment and the risk of being blindsided by red flags, but you’re also going to intimidate potential love interests who know it’s impossible to measure up to that fantasy.
· You Look For Someone You Need
The path of seeking positivity and love shouldn’t come from a place of borderline desperation. You should want to look for these things, but you shouldn’t feel you need them. If you try to find people and things that fill perceived “voids” in yourself, you’ll become dependent on that person or thing to survive. This is a very toxic form of behavior and creates unhealthy relationships of codependency that sap all positive things out of a partnership.
2. Lack of Self-Love
Self-esteem and self-love dictate the quality of your relationships, so if you want to be in a positive situation of love, you need to give yourself the self-love you deserve. Too often, people look for love while also looking for someone to provide them with confidence, which isn’t an excellent way to go about things. Here are some signs that you lack the self-love necessary to attract love and positivity:
· You Compare Yourself To Others
Being inspired by other people is fine, but constantly comparing yourself to those around you is a recipe for disaster that will remove positive thinking from your life. When you perform these comparisons, you’re holding your internal knowledge of yourself up against the external appearances of those around you. You don’t know their stories, what they’re like, or what goes on when no one’s looking, making all comparisons utterly useless and creating false narratives in your head that send you further into insecurity.
· You Put Yourself Down
You can’t attract positivity if the things you openly say about yourself are negative. Being aware of your weaknesses is good, but that doesn’t mean you should constantly talk down to yourself. Give yourself some credit! It will be hard to attract people who will respect and love you as you are when you don’t respect yourself.
· You Think You’re Unworthy
A viral quote from the book (and movie) “The Perks Of Being A Wildflower” is “we accept the love we think we deserve.” In other words, if you think you’re unworthy of love, you’re unlikely to accept genuine positivity and affection from others in any relationship. This insecurity makes you choose people who aren’t good for you or a partnership in general, and it puts you in adverse situations.
Have you heard of the concept of the abandonment of the self? It’s a set of behaviors that removes positive things from your world, facilitating further suffering. Typically, the onset of such abandonment is something traumatic or difficult to process, and when you continue to leave yourself abandoned, you wind up perpetuating your pain.
Self-abandonment means separating yourself from your inner truth, and it’s easy to guess why this can prevent you from attracting love and positivity. Here are some ways that you may be abandoning yourself without realizing it:
· You Judge Yourself
Everyone’s made mistakes, and the point is to learn from them, apologize where needed, and move on wiser and more robust. If you’ve been judging yourself, you’re holding yourself responsible for things that you should let go of, and that attracts negativity.
· You Ignore How You Feel
Your emotions exist for a reason. Even if they’re not all rational, they’re a reflection of things that bother you, the issues that remain, and sometimes, they’re entirely right about how you should feel. But regardless of whether or not these feelings have a basis in reality, they all have a basis in you. Ignoring them and repressing them only makes them stronger. What you should be doing instead is paying attention to them, finding their true roots, and working on the issues that cause them. The more you push them away, the worse they will hurt you and drive away any positivity.
· You Make Others Responsible For You
You’re responsible for your actions. When you start to separate yourself from that reality, you may expect other people to pick up after you and help you clean up your messes. The further away you get from yourself, the less responsibility you’ll want to take, and the more red flags that block you from attractive love and positivity.
4. Unmanaged Personal Issues
The fact is that a lot of the time, if you’re not attracting happiness, positive things, or love, it’s because there are things you need to work on and address in yourself or your life before you can bring positivity in. When you don’t handle these problems, you run the risk of simply never learning from your past. Here are some ways that you may have unmanaged personal issues:
· You Haven’t Admitted Your Wrongs
As already mentioned, mistakes are part of life, and everyone makes them. If you know, you’ve done wrong in the past but have never admitted that to yourself, you’re not able to work on the flaws you have that created the wrongdoing. This is a huge red flag to those who would have otherwise brought positivity and love into your life, and they will steer clear instead for fear of being your next target.
· You Have Unaddressed Baggage
Everyone has some baggage in their life, but we all need to work on these things to keep moving forward and start welcoming new, good things. If you’re not addressing the baggage you have, you run the risk of ruining potential attempts at relationships of any kind, and you certainly will perpetuate cycles of negativity.
· You Don’t See Your Patterns
Have you ever noticed that people tend to repeat the same patterns again and again, especially when it comes to relationships? It almost seems like self-sabotage. The fact is that you may have developed unhealthy patterns when it comes to love, remnants of attachment styles you developed in your early childhood. If your relationship with your caregivers was difficult or negative, or if you weren’t safe in childhood, you should be aware that the trauma from then can continue to affect you to this day. It’s not that you’re not attracting love – it’s that you’re actively seeking to recreate those familiar childhood patterns.
5. Lack Of Openness
To form positive relationships and find love – whether romantic or otherwise – you need to be open to it. Being closed off means that others don’t feel like they can form bonds with you, and they may even think you don’t want them around. This can sabotage budding relationships before they even begin. Here are some ways you may show a lack of openness:
· You’re Emotionally Closed Off
Emotional unavailability is a massive turnoff for many people. It reeks of unresolved personal problems and shows that you’re not ready to forge relationships with others. In fact, you may even start to attract closed-off people similarly, bringing new sources of negativity into your life.
· You Act Inauthentic
Everyone puts on a bit of a mask around strangers, on first dates, and in situations where there are certain social norms. But if you actively behave in a way that is untrue to you when you seek love and positivity, you’re creating a false front for others to like. No one will get to know the real you, and as you tailor your personality to each new person, your integrity erodes, and it becomes harder and harder to tell where you end, and the facade begins. If you want to attract genuine, true love of any kind, dare to be yourself.
· You’re Not Opening Your Heart, Blocking You From Attracting Love
Sometimes, the desire to find “love” in any form is overpowering, as society demands it of you. But that doesn’t mean you’re truly ready for it. If you don’t want to open up your heart in the truest sense of the word, you can’t be vulnerable or genuine with others. It’s reasonable to be wary of pain and being hurt, but ultimately an overly heavy focus on that can hurt your chances of finding positivity and love in the long run.
Final Thoughts On Some Things That Prevent You From Attracting Love And Positivity
If you want to attract positivity and love in your life, you need to put your best foot forward, no matter what kind. Working on yourself, developing your strengths, and being happy with who you are first is one of the most guaranteed ways to ensure that your life will be full of that positivity that you so desire!