If you are trying to find the right partner, you’re not alone.
About half of the United States population is single, and only half of the singles out there are looking for a partner. This means you only have 25 percent of the population to pick from. These numbers may sound low but consider that only 22 percent of the population was single in 1950. That really narrowed down the pool of prospects.
Since the pickings seem to be slim, you should probably make it count while you are dating. In other words, stay on your best behavior by avoiding certain mistakes. Here are three mistakes you should avoid at all costs.
Mistake #1: Misrepresenting Yourself
An unbelievable number of people pretend to be someone or something they’re not when dating. Online dating is even worse – you’re lucky if people even use a real picture of themselves. At first, misrepresenting yourself seems like a great way to attract a lot of potential mates. It works, but it doesn’t last.
Most people seem not to realize that shortly after you meet someone, the truth will come out. They will realize you’ve been lying to them, and just like that, trust is broken. You cannot build a relationship without trust, so the potential relationship is over before it can even get started.
In the case of misleading online pictures and profiles (known as catfishing), you may as well not even bother. Unless you are only looking for an email relationship, the person will see you and know that you aren’t the person in the picture. It makes no sense to use fake pictures.
The same can be said for outdated pictures. If you have gained 100 pounds, don’t use a picture of yourself when you were skinny. Do not use a picture of yourself from a decade ago or from high school. Current photos are the best and most honest policy.
One annoying habit that some people have when posting profile pictures is posting a photo with other people. Don’t have people guessing which person is you. Make sure you are the only person in the photo.
Coincidences, when they occur, are not creepy. What’s creepy is when it seems like you like every single thing as a potential partner. Their favorite color is blue? So is yours! Their favorite food is chicken cordon bleu? How crazy is it that you eat that all the time! At first, pretending to like everything a potential partner likes may seem cute, but it will get old fast.
There are not that many coincidences in the world, and people are a lot smarter than you give them credit for. Eventually, they will catch on to the fact that you’re lying about what you like. They won’t be able to trust you after that, and a potential relationship will have gone sour.
Mistake #2: Being Too Picky
Have you ever met someone with a long checklist of qualities that their perfect match needs to have? You can bet your paycheck that they will still be single a few years from now. Being too picky is a great way to stay single.
You must realize that no one is perfect. A match can be perfect for you, but not perfect. You will have a better chance of hitting the lottery than you will of finding someone that has every single quality you want in a partner.
Having Standards vs. Being Picky
The difference between having standards and being picky can be confusing because it’s such a thin line between the two. Indeed, you should not be picky, but this doesn’t mean that you can’t have standards and deal breakers. Standards and deal breakers will ensure you find the right partner, but being picky will likely result in you missing the right partner.
So how can you tell the difference? Here is an example. Amy’s perfect match must make six figures a year, drive a nice car, and not have kids from a previous relationship. Michelle’s perfect match needs to earn a decent living that can support a family, have a vehicle, and not have kids from a previous relationship. They both choose traditional gender roles and want a partner who provides for a family.
At first glance, these ladies seem to be searching for the same thing. In fact, there is nothing wrong with what they have listed. This is called standards. However, things switch over to picky if they are not willing to negotiate.
For example, Amy may meet a man who earns $65,000 a year as a medical resident, so should she turn him down? Michelle may meet a man who doesn’t earn a decent living but has an inheritance that can take care of him and his entire family for a lifetime. Should Michelle skip over the man because he isn’t “earning” his living?
In both cases, these men can support a partner and children, but they would get overlooked because they don’t match Amy’s and Michelle’s picky standards. Finances aren’t the only area where you can be too picky. It could be any quality on your list. Have your standards, but don’t be so rigid that you find the right partner and skip over them for something petty.
When you’re trying to find the right partner, you should know the difference between potential and lazy behavior. Standards are what ensures that you don’t fall for someone lazy in life. Standards are important but don’t overlook potential because of your standards.
Let’s be honest. No one wants a lazy partner (unless they are equally as lazy). Most people are trying to improve their lives, so they need someone who can go out and hustle for the better things in life just like they can. If you’re gunning for CEO of a Fortune 500 company, you likely aren’t going to pair well with someone who is satisfied being a burger flipper at a fast-food restaurant. That statement does not mean that one job is better than the other. Instead, it reflects an almost insurmountable gap in career goals.
However, don’t make the mistake of dismissing someone who is showing future potential. They may not have it together right now, but they may be pushing hard to be successful every day. A good example is someone who is in college. They may be broke right now, but when they graduate and land a decent job, you will wish you had given them a chance.
Mistake #3: Ignoring Intuition
In the famous words of DJ Khaled, “don’t play yourself.” That’s exactly what you’re doing when you ignore intuition. Unfortunately, it is common for people to ignore intuition. In fact, that is how so many bad relationships occur.
You have probably heard of women’s intuition numerous times throughout your life, but men have excellent intuition as well. Intuition is some subconscious part of you is telling you that the person isn’t the right one. It will be a nagging feeling that you cannot shake.
Many people choose to ignore intuition. Some people will marry their partner even though that intuition has been present throughout the entire relationship. That’s when the worst usually comes out – after you’ve said, “I do.”
Why People Ignore Their Intuition
Unfortunately, many people of both genders ignore this intuition because they are so into a person. The results can be very disappointing and sometimes even devastating. Most people know this, but they still silence that inner voice anyway.
When it comes to dating, it can be disheartening to find someone that seems so perfect but must face the fact that there is just one thing that is so major it’s a deal-breaker. This is especially true if you have been having trouble finding the right person. Disappointment hurts, and it can make you feel like you will never find the right partner.
Another reason people tend to ignore their intuition is that society tends to groom you to ignore it. According to Dr. Lindsey C Pratt, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, MA, LMHC, NCC, trusting your intuition is a skill that needs to be practiced and developed daily. If you are not trusting yourself daily, this could be a reason you ignore your sixth sense when it comes to dating.
It is important to listen to your inner voice, not just for dating, but for almost everything in life. When a potential partner is not right, you’ll know it. Identifying this early can keep you and the other person from getting hurt and allow you to be free to find the right partner.
In many cases, when people are making these mistakes, they don’t mean any harm. They don’t realize the damage it can do even before a relationship sparks with a potential partner. People are just trying to find the right partner the best way they know-how, and some people get desperate and resort to unhealthy dating practices.
No one is perfect, so don’t beat yourself up if you are guilty of any of the mistakes listed here. After all, you’re reading this to be a better dater. This information is intended to help you grow, become a better partner, and ultimately find the right partner, so soak it all in and find that special someone!