Relationships, especially romantic relationships, are tricky business. Love is one of the most profound emotions that we can experience. Most of us seek to be loved and accepted by a person in a relationship in ways that bring out the best we have to offer. But others enjoy being single people!
For many people, romantic relationships are one of the most meaningful experiences a person can have; the need for human connection and to be wanted and needed seems innate. While we may establish this relationship in different ways, we desire a partner that understands, celebrates, and wants to grow with us through thick and thin.
Some psychologists theorize that the ability to forge healthy relationships starts in infancy when we understand what it means to be connected to someone. We might not be able to articulate these feelings into words. Still, we perceive what being in a “healthy” relationship means to us, and we form an opinion as to whether or not we want to make an effort to create meaningful relationships in our lives.
Single people vs. happy couples
Do we have to be at odds with one another? Why can’t we all just get along and accept each other for our pathways in life? There seems to be a stigma in our society regarding single people. Indeed, it is assumed that they are usually unhappy with relationships, somehow fundamentally flawed, or in between relationships.
We make similar judgments about “happy couples.” These dynamic duos have it all: they are forward-thinking, have a harmonious home life, and will be together forever.
The longer you live, however, and the more experience you have with all significant relationships in your life, the more you find that there is some serious gray area in between both of these extremes. Let’s not assume too much about each other, but for the intent and purpose of the rest of this article, we’ll be speaking specifically to those single people who don’t want to be told that they are “waiting,” “unhappy,” or “unfulfilled.”
If you are in a relationship, congratulations! We hope you are happy! If you are one of those couples who want to set up your single friends on the next Saturday date night, you might want to avoid these phrases when talking about what is to come as a result of your matchmaking efforts.
Here are twenty things never to say about love to single people:
In case you’re on the receiving end of these questions, we’ve also included some tips for you!
1. Why are you still single?
Newsflash! There’s nothing wrong with being alone. This question is probably one of the most offensive things that a single person can hear. In the middle of a backhanded compliment implying that you are fabulous, there’s a lurking, small question regarding what may be wrong with you. Refuse to answer that question and live your life!
2. Are you dating anyone?
Not everyone has to date to feel fulfilled. There are plenty of singles out there who are completely happy with the lives that they have created–sans dates. Regardless of where you are on the dating timeline, you can choose to divulge information or keep it to yourself. If you would like help finding someone special, ask for it. If not, steer clear of those friends and family members that will inevitably ask this question at the next social gathering you are at.
3. You will find plenty of fish in the sea!
Of course, there are plenty of fish in the sea! Not all fish are compatible with one another, and if you had your eye on a particular fish, you might be disappointed to find that the two of you cannot swim together anymore. It would honestly be more comforting to have them empathize with you on how the dissolution of valued relationships sucks. You don’t need to focus on more opportunities until you are ready.
4. I never liked “so and so” anyway.
Your breakup may have been ugly, you may never want to see them again, but that doesn’t mean that your coupled-off friends can start bashing single people and their dating practices. You legitimately cared about this person, and you need time to grieve without finding out that your loved ones did not support your relationship from the beginning.
5. Surely you don’t want to end up alone!
And why not? What’s wrong with being alone? Single people lead lives as fulfilling as those of their married and partnered counterparts. Instead, it all comes down to what you choose as right and appropriate for you and your life’s goals. If you want to rock the single catwalk, go for it! Make no apologies!
6. Don’t worry. Your time will come
Just what time is it that your married friends are talking about? There may not be the right time for you to meet that someone special, and that’s okay. You are not racing against society, a time clock, or Father Time, for that matter. If it happens, it happens. If not, be happy with what life has brought you, and look for opportunities to be grateful for your gifts.
7. Why not spend time focusing on yourself instead?
Who says you are not already doing this? You can focus on yourself AND look for a relationship, or on the details of your life that will bring you happiness and fulfillment. It does not have to be in the form of a relationship. Create your best experience, and see what beautiful gifts of relationships unfold naturally.
8. Don’t single people want to have children?
Having children is not for everyone. So whether you want to have them or not, there are steps that single people take to start a family without the addition of a relationship. Foster parenting and adoption are options for you if you want to experience what it’s like to raise a child, and if you have the opportunity to create children with someone special, it’s a bonus. This question is rather personal, and you have every right to decline to answer if the occasion calls for it politely.
9. I know what will be right for you
Many people in your inner circle think they know what’ll be right for you. Who knows what is best for you, though? That’s right…..YOU. Only you can do some soul searching and find what you genuinely want regarding relationships, and only you can seek to make that happen. Single people make solid choices, too; allow yourself the freedom to express yourself for who you truly are.
10. What’s wrong with you single people, anyway?
While we might bristle at that question and push back even when we are jokingly asked this question, secretly, we might wonder if there is something fundamentally unlovable about us. We all have those moments of neurosis; they will pass, and as you learn to ride the wave of life and appreciate what comes to you, you’ll be less and less affected by this ignorant question.
11. How’s the single people life?
You are not the ambassador for millions of single people around the planet. You can only speak for your experience of single life. Don’t be afraid to gently correct as you regale sizzling tales from your life, and bring the asker to the realization that no subgroup of people can be classified together as having a shared experience.
12. Deciding to get married is the best choice you’ll ever make!
Marriage is not for everyone. It takes time, commitment, and hard work. While it might be the bee’s knees for some people, it might not be for you. Realize that this opinionated statement is a perception based on something that someone else has experienced, and you have the right to create your unique pathway.
13. Don’t ever get married!
Again, this very opinionated statement is based on one other person’s bad experience with and perception of marriage. You should be allowed to formulate your own opinions without being barraged by those of others. While it’s unfortunate that this does take place in relationships, it does not have to be the ending of your story. You are the master of your tale.
14. You must love yourself before someone else can love you.
It’s a massive assumption that you have low self-esteem. So how dare anyone else look at your unique situation and judge your opinion of yourself? Recognize the ignorance that comes with this statement, and look within to see if there are areas and things about yourself that you could accept more willingly. Regardless of relationship status, more work on the “self” translates to more happiness and peace. Isn’t that what we’re all after anyway?
15. I think it’s great that you’re happy all by yourself.
This sentence is one of those statements you’re unsure how to take. Is it a compliment? Is it borne of sympathy and pity? Couples do not have a monopoly on happiness, so if you are rocking life by yourself, keep trucking!
16. I cannot imagine having to put myself out there again!
Great news! Dating people is not the same as sitting in line at the DMV. It can be an experience rich with adventure, excitement, and the potential for love. You might find a few rocks along the path, but move them aside and keep enjoying your walk. Have fun with the opportunity to meet others and learn more about yourself in the process.
17. Don’t worry. You’ll get lucky one day just like I did!
Marriage and Couplesville is not a slot machine–you don’t pull a lever and receive your potential partner at the bottom of a device. If you choose to date and meet someone seriously, it should be a thoughtful process of co-creating the future with someone.
Take matters into your own hands if you choose to, and with some thoughtful contemplation, determine what type of partner, relationship, and life you wish to have.
18. You just need to be more “presentable.”
What the heck does that mean? Should you get a gym membership? How about veneers? Do you need to get a makeover or start coloring your hair? If someone does not accept you for who you choose to be and how you express yourself, they can keep walking. This rule goes for your friends and family members too, by the way. Don’t let anyone talk to you like that.
19. What do you single people do on the weekends?
There are plenty of things to do in a single weekend; the sky’s the limit with how you choose to craft your time. The fact that people assume you are not doing anything because you “don’t have a special someone” is entirely erroneous. Fill your weekend with whatever you want to fill it with, and leave the speculation to those most opinionated couples around you who need a little education when it comes to a single perspective.
20. Why do single people always push love away?
Why is there a stigma that the only meaningful love that can be experienced in life is that which comes from a romantic partner? You have the love of family, friends, and others around you that make your life rich and meaningful. Refuse to feel bad about the experience that you have created, and look forward to loving as it comes your way, in whatever form it takes.
Final Thoughts on Being Compassionate to Single People
Regardless of your thoughts, feelings, and perceptions of love, you have every right to create your life and relationships in a way that feels best to you. Realize that others are entitled to their opinions and that you don’t necessarily have to defend your actions and choices to anyone other than yourself. Have fun, enjoy the ride, and see where’d life…..and love…..take you!