Page 492

10 Behaviors That Make You More Likable

November 20, 2020 by Power of Positivity

Do you consider yourself more likable than the next person? Do you go out of your way to help others and are never too busy to offer a shoulder to cry on? There are two kinds of people in this world: self-absorbed and those who consider their fellow man.

Why is it that the people in life who are rude, blunt, and very impolite are the ones that climb the corporate ladder with ease? If you consider the most successful business owners, you will likely encounter someone who is not afraid to be pushy and manipulative to get where they are today. Now, not everyone is like that as there are plenty of good people in this world.

However, it takes moxie to get to the top, and these people aren’t usually likable. When you’re building both business and personal relationships, you want to engage with folks who are pleasurable to be around. Individuals who have a pleasant personality, are polite, modest, and agreeable are the genuinely likable ones.

Behaviors of Those More Likeable

Why are individuals more enthralled with those who have these endearing qualities over someone assertive and impolite? How do you think that others view you? Do they see you as someone who is true blue, or do they shy away from you? Here is a list of ten behaviors that you should consider to help make you more likable.

1. Laughter is Commonplace

Have you ever been around someone that oozes with joy? Their laughter is infectious, and they draw you in with their sense of humor. One thing that is enduring about these folks is that they can admit when they make a mistake.

The difference between them and other individuals is they laugh off their wrongdoings and try not to make the same blunder again. They don’t care if they look silly and are in situations where they didn’t show their better side. These happenstances make great stories to share with others.

This person’s oddity is that people respect them more for being so jolly and open rather than thinking they’re weird. To be more like this person, it’s okay to admit when you screwup, and it’s okay to let your guard down on occasion.

Remember the old saying that when you laugh, the world laughs with you, but when you cry, you will cry alone? It’s easy to see why this rhetoric is so accurate. Plus, laughter is always good medicine for the mind, body, and spirit.

2. They’ve Never Met A Stranger

Some folks are social butterflies. They talk and share their opinions with you, but they also want to know what you think. They have an innate ability to make others open up to them.

Their superpower is in making people feel like they are valued, and their opinion counts. To be a budding socialite, ask sincere questions to your friends or coworkers and engage in good conversation. These people can talk for hours to someone they meet during a chance encounter.

To get to this level, you must learn to engage with others with interesting conversation and a friendly tone. These people never want for friends as they have an extensive social circle.

3. Respect for Others

To be more likable, you must learn the value of respect. Simple things like maintaining eye contact, smiling frequently, and never cutting someone short when they’re speaking will go a long way to make you approachable. Hone in on the non-verbal cues that can keep you in tune with the conversation and help you bond.

4. Say Less and Listen More

One of the most frustrating things about some folks is their incessant chatter about themselves. They want to tell you all about their life, but they’re never seems to be a time in the conversation for you to talk about yours. Being respectful of another human being means that they get a chance to speak too.

The people that tend to talk about themselves continuously are the ones who are usually self-centered or narcissistic, and you don’t want them as a friend. To make yourself more likable to others, give them the floor to speak to. What they have to say is just as valuable as your commentary.

5. Be Vulnerable

There’s nothing worse than someone who tries to one-up you by bragging about their success. These people may talk about all their connections, the things they’ve accomplished, and they want to engage in chatter about who’s more successful.

These unstated competitions are unsavory, and if you want to be more likable, you will avoid them. These people won’t ever admit that they have a weakness or have failed in things. If you do something great, their life’s events will always be greater than yours.

To avoid being unlikable, you need to share your successes with others and be willing to congratulate theirs. If you’re confident enough within yourself, then you won’t mind being a little vulnerable. You won’t need to impress folks with artificial or embellished stories, as they will like you for who you are.

6. Avoid Name Dropping

If you want to be more likable, then don’t flatter people by name dropping. Sure, you met Bon Jovi at a concert once, but your friends don’t want to hear about it continuously. Folks who always want to point out the “big wigs” they’ve encountered in life are bragging.

Bragging is annoying, and it’s not an enduring behavior. Sure, it’s exciting if you get to meet someone famous or rub elbows with someone great, but telling your friends once is all that’s needed. Likable people may hobnob with the rich and famous and have connections, but they don’t talk about it incessantly.

7. Always Remember Names

There’s nothing worse than forgetting a name you should remember. It’s essential to remember the smallest of details as they make you feel proud of yourself. Plus, people love it when others can remember the names of their kids, dogs, spouse, and all those little things they’ve discussed before.

Most important, don’t forget the person’s name as that makes you seem ingenuine. Folks place individuals in their inner circle for their willingness to engage with them in life, and how can you develop a relationship if you can’t even remember their name?

8. Be Agreeable

No one likes indifferent people, and some might call these folks contrary. If everyone in the office wants McDonald’s for lunch, they’re the ones that want Subway. They are always going against the flow and trying to cause disagreements.

Now, you don’t want someone that agrees with everything and doesn’t have an opinion, but you don’t want a person that is always going in the opposite direction either. If you’re going to be more reliable, then learn how to agree to disagree in life. It’s okay to share your views, but don’t turn a difference of opinion into an argument.

9. Be Kind

One good gauge about how people treat others is to take them to a restaurant. Observe how they act with the server. Are they demanding, indifferent, and speak to staff members as if they’re beneath them?

The server test is a great way to see someone’s true colors. If they treat the wait staff in this manner, then you can guarantee that they will eventually treat you that way too. If you want to be likable, servers should always be worthy of your respect and kindness, even if there are minor issues.

10. Effectively Use the Power of Touching

Did you know that touch is a powerful behavioral influence? Take, for instance, a person crying because they got bad news. Wrapping your arms around them can be healing and helpful to their mental state.

Nonsexual touch doesn’t have to be a hug. You can shake hands or pat someone on the back when they’ve done an excellent job. Touch is an incredibly powerful behavior that goes a long way to show your endearing side.

When you offer yourself to reach out and touch someone, it only helps reinforce your words’ sincerity.

Final Thoughts on Being More Likable

There are all kinds of people in this life that you will encounter. With each person you meet, you will remember one thing about them. It could be a perfume or cologne they’re wearing or their infectious smile that lit up the room.

The real question is, what will they remember about you? If you want to be more likable in this world, you need something that helps you stand out. Things like being kind to others, showing venerability, honesty, good communication, and your joyful demeanor are all things that are important for others to see in you.

When you strive to be more likable, you will be amazed at how quickly your social circle grows.

Research Reveals Kids Are Dealing With School Closures Better Than Expected

November 20, 2020 by Power of Positivity

No one could have imagined that the whole world would come to a halt. Children didn’t even receive a full year of education in 2020 due to school closures. Even when schools slowly opened back up – many offered virtual learning, so children still weren’t going to school.

There was a fear that not going to school was going to hurt children in the long run. They were missing that valuable face to face instruction that they get from teachers.

Their social lives were also destroyed since they couldn’t go to school and interact with others their ages. They didn’t even have social lives at home – they had to stay in the house, away from friends for a large part of the year.

School closures and lockdowns were hard on everyone, but especially hard for children. However, research is showing that you may not need to worry as much as you thought. According to a study published in August of 2020, kids deal with school closures a lot better than people thought they would.

The Study

The study was done by Peter Gray, Ph.D., a professor at Boston College and author of Free to Learn and Psychology (a textbook). It was a simple but effective study that involved having paid participants to take surveys. The participants were all from the United States.

Parents or children could fill out the survey. However, it was either one parent or one child per family, not both. The study included 798 parent surveys and 762 child surveys for a total of 1,560 participants. The survey was open to families with students between the ages of 8 and 13.

The selection pool of participants included multiple races, with the percentage of each race being similar to the U.S. population’s racial makeup. Forty percent of the parent surveys were fathers. Over 50% of the families that participated had annual incomes between $25,000 and $100,000 per year.

The results were not what people expected. Overall, it seemed that children were doing well with online schooling, and many of them even enjoyed it better than a traditional school. In fact, the survey revealed that many of the children were learning to become more independent and responsible.

Some of the statistics of the survey were:

Around 91% of the students were completing their online assignments as they should.
Out of the children completing the assignments, 48% were a little stressed about making mistakes or not understanding the work.
It takes children an average of three hours to do their school work versus the six hours they spend at traditional school.
Fifty percent of parents said their child was getting more sleep than ever before.
On the parent’s survey, 85% indicated that their child was happier now than before. On the child’s survey, 62% indicated they were happier than before.

Parents seem to also be happier with the online elementary and online high school arrangement. A majority of parents indicated that children are learning new things on their own, doing more chores around the house, and doing more things on their own. They are also happy to see their children handling the lockdowns so well.

Dr. Grey conducted a second study of the same nature a month after the first study. The overall results showed that happiness, independence, and responsibility had improved even more for parents and children. Stress levels were less. Based on the results from the surveys, it seems that children are thriving during school closures.

Why School Closures Seem to Be a Good Thing for Some Children

While this survey was designed to reveal how children are doing with at-home learning during school closures, it also reveals something else. If children can do this well on their own, there must be a problem with the modern school system. The education system in the United States has been a hot topic of debate for decades. Many educators, parents, students, researchers, and more say that the modern school system is outdated. Here are some statistics from the U.S. Department of Education on the education system in the United States:

The United States has one of the highest school dropout rates in the world.
The U.S. ranks 12th in the world for college attainment.
Among students in the U.S. that go to college, half of them need remedial courses their freshman year.
Among college students in the U.S., half of them never graduate.

The results of these surveys, paired with these alarming statistics, show that it’s time for an education system overhaul. It’s not easy to redesign the education system from the ground up, but many schools had already implemented some ideas (before school closures happened).

Learn how depression is skyrocketing in our urban areas.

Recent Changes to the U.S. Education System That Has Been Working

In 2002, the No Child Left Behind Act was implemented. The purpose of this law was to ensure that all children had equal access to a high-quality education. The goal was for all students in elementary and secondary schools to meet or exceed state standards in reading and math by 2014.

The program was a moderate success at that time. Many improvements were seen across the country, especially for schools that were desperately in need of funding and supplies. However, the program quickly became outdated, especially in STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math) areas. After a while, children started being left behind again.

Race to the Top

In 2009, the Obama Administration launched an initiative called Race to the Top. This was a $4.35 billion grant program that would give funds to schools that desperately needed it after the economic policies of the Bush administration. However, the administration didn’t just give the money away. They turned it into a contest of sorts – a challenge for schools to meet the Common Core State Standards.

These standards were optional for states to meet, and many states were not pushing to meet them. Race to the Top gave them an incentive to meet the requirements. As the Common Core Standards, Race to the Top was optional for states to participate in. But because they need the money so badly, 46 states and Washington D.C. participated in the program.

Problems with No Child Left Behind

Race to the Top didn’t replace or change the No Child Left Behind laws. It was simply a way to entice states to meet these standards. It worked for a while until it became evident that many states could not meet the standards.

The Obama administration answered this problem with an “opt-out” program, but the catch was that teachers would have to be evaluated with the students’ standardized testing programs. This angered educators and unions all across the country. It would seem that the No Child Left Behind laws weren’t working.

Every Student Succeeds Act

Despite the issues with No Child Left Behind, the 2015-2016 school year saw a high school graduation rate of 83.2%, the highest it had ever been. In the same year, the Obama administration enacted the Every Student Succeeds Act. This was a complete overhaul of the No Child Left Behind Act and was much more successful. Obama’s goal was for the United States to be the number one country in education by 2020.

In 2016, when Donald Trump became president, his administration’s goal was to overturn the Every Student Succeeds Act. That didn’t happen, and the United States is still not number one in education in the world. The Trump administration may have been able to enact policies that could make the goal happen in time, but school closures due to the coronavirus got in the way.

Ideas for Future Changes in Education

Education, as the world knew it a year ago, is drastically different now. However, with this change has come positive results that no one really expected. Things are not perfect, but educators could take a few pointers from the current situation to improve the country’s education system in the future. Some suggestions are:

Shorter school hours.
More independent assignments.
Change the school week from five days of in-person instruction to three days of in-person instruction.
More emphasis on technology.
Smaller class sizes.
More parent involvement.

It will take a lot of analysis and time to get the education system back on track in the United States. Hopefully, administrators and the education department consider these ideas since they seem to be working well during the lockdown.

Final Thoughts on the Studies and School Closures

These times are unprecedented, and not just where education is concerned. However, the studies show educators, administrators, politicians, parents, and most of all. Students have adjusted with flying colors. It’s much better than anyone could have hoped for.

As we advance, everyone must keep in mind how well students are doing now. This crisis revealed a peek into the dilemma of improving the United States’ education system. Hopefully, the powers that be are listening.

Science Explains 10 Healthy Reasons to Eat Ghee

November 19, 2020 by Power of Positivity

If you are an enthusiast of Indian-inspired cuisine, you probably recognize one of the main ingredients called ghee. It’s an ever-present condiment in Indian homes and is often referred to as “liquid gold.” Did you know that this classic butter product can offer you several health benefits?

Anthropologists say that early humans first were nomadic hunters and gatherers. After they domesticated pasture animals like sheep, goats, cows, and yaks, they eventually added animal milk to their diets. Like many world-changing inventions, dairy products like butter, yogurt, and cheese were probably invented by accident.

Food historians believe that the process for churning butter was discovered around 4,000 BCE in the East. It wouldn’t take long for this creamy concoction’s popularity to spread around the known world. People invented butter churns and used the dairy product as an essential staple in most world cuisines.

The Beginnings of Ghee

In the modern Western world, people usually consider butter as a product of cow’s milk. However, butter can be produced from other large mammals. For thousands of years, countries in the East have enjoyed tasty butter made from the milk of sheep, goats, buffalo, and yaks.

Although butter will remain stable at room temperature, warmer weather can make it melt and go rancid. Most of India has a tropical climate, making keeping butter difficult in times before refrigeration. The heat is incredibly oppressive in the Northeast section of India, so the people discovered a way to make their butter stable in hot weather.

Nobody knows how they got the idea of cooking the butter until the milk solids and water evaporated, leaving pure butterfat. But once these early food scientists did, they found that it would stay fresh and delicious even in the scorching weather. The discovery was probably around 2,000 BCE, and the Indians called their creation ghee.

It was so venerated in India that they called this butter product the “sacred fat.” Holy Hindu scriptures say that the gods sent it down as a gift. Not only did they use it for cooking, but it was used as a health tonic and for religious ceremonies.

Sacred temple candles are still often made of ghee. Since this dairy wonder lasts a long time and doesn’t require refrigeration, it didn’t take long to become popular worldwide. In Europe and the West, this creation is often called clarified butter. After the milk solids and water has cooked and evaporated, the remaining butterfat has a lovely, nutty flavor.

If you are following a healthy diet, should you even consider using this ingredient? After all, it is pure fat, and you’ve been trying to avoid fatty dairy products. The good news is that clarified butter is a healthy fat that you can use in moderation.

DIY Clarified Butter

Most major grocery stores sell jars of massed produced ghee in the shortening and oils section. You might be in for a case of sticker shock because it’s not cheap. Fortunately, a little goes a long way, and it can last for up to three months on your counter or up to a year in the refrigerator.

If you want to save a little money and learn a valuable skill, you can easily make this butter product at home. All you need is a pound of quality unsalted butter. You’ll also need a sterilized jar and lid for storing the finished product.

How To:

Slice butter into small, roughly equal chunks and set aside. In a Dutch oven or heavy skillet over medium heat, add butter and gently stir until it melts. Reduce the heat to low and allow the liquid to simmer. Note that butter and margarine are not the same, so you must use real butter.

As the liquid simmers gently, it will start to bubble, and the milk solids will separate. These solids will come to the surface, leaving water and fat underneath them.

Carefully use a spoon to skim away the floating milk solids. You can sell these in a container in the refrigerator to flavor mashed potatoes or steamed vegetables. Continue removing the milk solids until nothing is floating on the surface.

Although the surface milk solids are removed, you will notice some that have stayed on the bottom. Allow these to continue simmering in the liquid until they turn a light caramel color. This will give the final product its hallmark warm, nutty flavor.

As soon as you notice that the bottom solids have browned, immediately remove the skillet from the heat. Set it aside and allow it to cool for about five minutes.

Use a fine-mesh strainer and three layers of cheesecloth to strain the liquid into a glass measuring cup. Discard the solids and carefully pour the golden liquid into your storage jar. You can keep it on the counter for up to three months or store it in your refrigerator for up to a year.

Remember that your butterfat will become a soft solid at room temperature. You can use a spoon to scoop out what you need at a time. In the unlikelihood that your butterfat becomes discolored or has an off odor, discard it.

Ten Possible Health Benefits of Ghee

Ghee has a higher smoking point and is ideal for frying and sautéing. If you are lactose intolerant, you can still enjoy this product because the lactic acid is gone. Besides cooking, here are ten health benefits that you may receive when you use ghee.

1. It’s Good for Your Heart

While this dairy product does have saturated fat, it also is a valuable source of Omega 3 fatty acids. Your body needs a certain amount of these “good fats” for healthy cardiovascular and brain health. Again, moderation is the key.

2. Get Better Sleep

Who would believe that enjoying a tasty butter product would help you sleep better? In the ancient traditions of Indian Ayurvedic medicine, many Indian people use ghee as a massage oil. Some Ayurvedic practitioners recommend rubbing your temples with some of this liquid gold to help you relax and go to sleep.

3. Soothing Arthritis Pain

If you have arthritis or other joint issues, you know how painful it can be. Some research suggests that consuming moderate amounts of this butter product may help reduce painful inflammation. Perhaps it’s from the healthy fats that your body requires for lubricating your joints.

4. May Benefit Your Body Cells

Ordinary chemical reactions in your body often leave free radicals floating around in your bloodstream. In their efforts to bond with other molecular material, these rogue radicals attack and damage cells throughout your body. This pure butterfat provides several antioxidants that may defend your cells against this damage.

5. May Boost Your Immune System

Like all the other systems throughout your body, your immune system requires essential vitamins and minerals for optimal performance. This delightful butterfat provides the usual dairy vitamins of A, K, E, and D. These nutrients can boost your immunity and keep illnesses at bay.

6. Possible Digestive System Benefits

Although dairy products provide essential calcium and Vitamin D and K for healthy bones and teeth, they are often hard on the digestive system. Here’s some excellent news for people who have been diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease or Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).

When you consume this butter product, it may help soothe and repair damage in your stomach lining. Plus, you needn’t worry if you can’t tolerate dairy products because it’s lactose-free. It may also help you digest your food better.

7. May Promote Healing for Burns and Wounds

Did you know that many people in India use ghee as a topical ointment? Since some of its compounds have anti-inflammatory properties, it may be used for minor wounds and burns. It can reduce swelling and promote healing.

8. Use as an Ideal Moisturizer

It’s no wonder that many Indians prefer to use their liquid gold as a natural moisturizer. The rich vitamins and butterfat can soothe and repair dry skin, making it soft and supple. You can also use a bit as a conditioner for shiny, healthy hair.

9. It May Help You Lose Weight

Consuming butterfat may go against everything you’ve come to believe about losing weight. This butter product is an excellent source of beneficial fats like CLA and Omega 3 fatty acids. Studies have linked these good fats with reducing fat cells while building lean muscles.

10. Use it For Better Eye Health

This possible benefit may be challenging to believe, but thousands of years of anecdotal evidence from India may convince you. If your eyes are dry, itchy, and tired, most Ayurveda practitioners recommend ghee for a healthy eyewash. Just a couple of drops in each eye can nourish and soothe them while providing essential vitamins for better eye health.

Final Thoughts on the Many Benefits of Ghee

Once you taste the smoky, toffee-like goodness of this liquid gold, you’ll wonder why you hadn’t tried it years ago. Not only is it delicious, but research has connected it with several possible health benefits. Discover the tasty benefits of this butter product and why many people in India consider it a food of the gods.

15 Ways to Improve Your Child’s Social Skills to Decrease Loneliness

November 19, 2020 by Power of Positivity

Is your child a young socialite, or does he battle loneliness? One of the best gifts you can ever give as a parent is to teach him how to get along well with others. Get the conversation started with these 15 tips to improve your child’s social skills.

Children are not born with social skills. Multiple studies concur that children learn these behaviors from birth through preschool years–and beyond. Further, children who can better read situations and responses by others enjoy stronger friendships and are less lonely. We’ll explore the habits you can instill in your child to help them develop this skillset.

15 Ways You Can Help Bolster Your Child’s Social Skills

Here are fifteen things that you can do to help ensure your child learns to interact positively with others.

1. Improve Your Social Skills

If you want your child to learn good social skills, you must have good ones yourself. Whatever social habits you model, your child will imitate. Do you socialize well with others, or could do you need to improve?

The next time you talk with friends or family, notice how engaged you are in the conversation. Are you playing an active role and mirroring the emotions of others? Are you actively listening, or are you being a wallflower?

Remember that your child is watching, and he will probably mimic you in his social situations.

2. Encourage Him to Ask Questions

Nothing stumps a good conversation like awkward silence, especially when meeting new people. When you teach your child how to ask the right kind of questions, it will keep the conversation rolling, and his social interaction will become more natural.

Practice conversations and show him how to ask open-ended questions, which requires more than a “yes” or “no.” Instead of asking, “Do you like to play video games?” ask, “What are your favorite video games to play?” Good open-ended questions usually begin with who, what, why, when, and how.

3. Play Make-Believe Together

Playing make-believe is the earliest socializing game that children learn. Not only does it teach them empathy, but it encourages creativity and individuality. Wouldn’t childhood be filled with loneliness without the blissful Land of Make-Believe?

Stimulate your child’s imagination and play pretend with her. Maybe she is a beautiful princess that rules a land of flower fairies, or maybe she is a warrior protecting her homeland from invading goblins. Make-believing is essential to building a child’s social skills, creativity, and discovering the world around her.

4. Make Play Dates for Her

Sometimes, you hear your child mention a name or two of children from school or in her social circle. Do you take the time to talk to her about her friends? Have you ever met any of her friends or their families?

One of the best ways to teach your child good social skills is to watch her interact with peers. Meet her friends and their parents and schedule playtime for the children to build trust and friendship. You can occasionally set up virtual playdates so the kids can chat online, with supervision.

5. Explore Hobbies and Other Interests

When your child learns to pursue a passion, he will have something of interest to discuss with others. Even younger children can have favorite hobbies and things they are interested in exploring.

Talk to him about the things that make him happy or catch his interest. His only limitation is his imagination. It can be anything from reading, music, art, sports, gaming, or anything else fun. Then, he can talk to other kids with similar interests.

6. Play Socially Interactive Games

Remember the good old days before video games came on the scene? Traditional games are excellent tools for teaching children how to interact with others.

They can cultivate critical thinking and teach them the appropriate ways to take turns. Bring out some classic board games from your childhood and show the new generation how to have fun without technology.

If you and your family have an affinity for electronics, you can also find appropriate video games to play with your child. You can also set up times when she can play video games with her siblings or friends.

Video games can enhance your child’s social skills if playing is moderated and doesn’t replace playing with kids in person.

7. Adopt a Pet

If your child complains of loneliness and boredom, why not adopt a family pet? Local shelters are full of loving cats and dogs that are just waiting for a forever home. Plus, caring for a pet can offer your child lessons about responsibility, empathy, and playful interaction.

You may need to help with the new pet, depending on your child’s age. Little ones can help feed and water pets and play with them. Consider your family’s lifestyle and schedule before you commit to adopting a pet. Some pets require more care than others.

8. Role Play to Understand Problems

What if your child is having problems socializing at school or other gatherings? Should you be forthright with your observations and tell her that she is too shy and needs to talk more? This approach may aggravate her, and she may go deeper into her shell.

Instead, approach the subject sensitively and do some role-playing. Act like you are a kid, and the two of you have just met. There may be some uncomfortable silence initially, but you can give some gentle suggestions and conversation starters.

9. Teach and Model Empathy

If you aren’t an empathetic person, you can’t expect your child to be one. Empathy is a trait that children learn from their parents and other significant adults. It’s much easier to teach your child how to feel empathy for others when he sees your example.

To teach your child how to be sensitive to other people’s feelings, ask questions like “How would you feel if that happened to you?” or “How do you think Susie felt when you made a face at her?” Allowing your child to put himself in another person’s shoes helps to teach social skills and empathy.

10. Know Your Child’s Limits

Remember that your child is an individual, and not everyone is a social butterfly. Some children are natural introverts who feel comfortable spending time alone. If your child feels awkward in a crowd, learn how to socialize in smaller groups.

Children also improve their social skills as they mature. Little ones may be done playing with each other after an hour or two, while tweens and teens can spend all day laughing and talking. Know your child’s personality and respect his limits.

11. Teach Him Boundaries and Personal Space

You may hear your older child complain about the house rules, but that’s normal. Did you know that even when the kids complain, boundaries make them feel more secure and loved? Children must be taught boundaries and personal space at an early age.

Teach your child that everyone has a personal “bubble” they stay in, making them feel comfortable. Talk to them about appropriate touch and conversations and how to respect other people’s spaces. Not only does it make for better social skills, but it can minimize conflict in their adult lives.

12. Teach Her How to Be a Listener

By nature, younger children are self-absorbed because of their limited knowledge of the world around them. As you teach them how to socialize with others, an excellent skill to explain is how to be a good listener. Some adults still haven’t learned the fine art of truly listening to what others are saying.

Give age-appropriate instructions on letting the other person talk and sharing the speaker’s emotions. Practice using examples and play conversations to learn to hear what is said and repeat it back in their own words.

13. Teach About Sharing and Taking Turns

Kindergarten indeed teaches you lessons that build the foundation of your adult life. Sharing doesn’t come naturally to kids, and you must teach and model it.

When your child learns how to share and take turns, it’s a great step in early socialization patterns. Here is where empathy comes into play. Ask your child how she feels when someone shares with her or lets her have a turn.

She will learn that sharing makes everyone happy, and it makes spending time together more enjoyable.

14. Encourage Your Child to be Himself

Always remind your child that there is nobody else just like him in the world. While it’s fun to pretend to be superheroes, movie stars, or other idolized people, tell him that his best role is to be himself.

Boost your child’s confidence by offering sincere and specific compliments. Let him know that if someone doesn’t want to be his friend, it’s the other person’s loss. Self-confident children are more apt to socialize better.

15. Teach Her How to Read Social Cues

Children don’t automatically get social cues. It takes years of practice to read facial expressions, body language, and voice tone. However, you can practice with your child and give her some examples of situations when considering someone’s feelings before speaking.

Final Thoughts on Improving Children’s Social Skills

Teaching your child how to interact with others positively can be challenging, but it’s worth the effort. The lessons she learns in the early years can dictate things as an adult.

It’s never too early to start the learning process with play dates and other interactions. A well-rounded child will know how to socialize well, and it will prove beneficial in adulthood.

Empty Nest Syndrome: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment

November 19, 2020 by Sarah Barkley

As a parent, you spend decades caring for children, so experiencing an empty nest can be hard to handle. The adjustment can be a struggle, and it’s sometimes hard to figure out who you are as an individual. If you know this time of your life is coming, learning about the symptoms, causes, and treatment options can help you navigate it.

Empty nest syndrome is when you feel an overwhelming sadness and a sense of loss when your children leave home. It can lead to being unable or unwilling to let your children live autonomously. Plus, it can cause problems in your marriage or relationship.

Luckily, since many parents have been through this, there is plenty of information available. Recognizing and acknowledging the syndrome is essential because then the healing process can begin. The quietness and sense of missing something will be hard to adjust to, but there is a way to do it.

As you implement strategies for dealing with an empty nest, it will help you rediscover yourself. You will find a new normal, and you can find new opportunities or activities to help you refocus. The more knowledge you have, the better your situation will turn out.

What Is Empty Nest Syndrome?

Empty nest syndrome is a condition that refers to the grief parents might experience when their children move out. This syndrome is usually more common in women because they are the primary caregiver of the kids. It isn’t a clinical diagnosis, but it is a common condition that involves feelings of sadness and loss.

One of the reasons empty nest is such an issue is because many people don’t recognize it as grief. Grief is often associated with death rather than a normal and healthy event such as children moving out. Parents that have been through it know that the misery of children moving out is all too real.

What Are the Symptoms of Empty Nest Syndrome?

This syndrome is associated with quite a few symptoms, including:

a loss of purpose and meaning
feeling frustrated over lack of control
frequent or sudden emotional distress
marital stress
constant anxiety about your children
a feeling of grief and loss
depression
loneliness

What Causes Empty Nest Syndrome?

While the apparent cause is your children moving out, there are other underlying causing, including:

Loss of Parenthood: While mothers are more susceptible to this syndrome, it can affect either parent. After nearly 20 years of raising your children, it might feel like your most essential life role is complete. It can lead to feelings of worthlessness, and you’ll likely feel unsure of the new meaning of your life.
Considering the Change Stressful: If you go into the situation thinking that it is stressful, you’re more likely to develop this syndrome. When you have a negative mindset from the start, it can be hard to get past it. Instead, think of it as a refreshing, new challenge.
Having a Negative Personal Experience: Parents that had a negative experience when they moved out of their parents’ home are more likely to suffer from an empty nest. The feelings they encountered in their past might resurface when their kids move out.
An Unstable Marriage: If your marriage is unstable or unhappy, you are more likely to suffer. You might realize that your children were your greatest joy, and now you don’t have them in the home. Plus, those in an unstable marriage might not have support from their spouse during this life change.
Worrying That Your Child Isn’t Ready: As a parent, you likely know your child better than anyone else does, including their faults. If you think they aren’t ready to take on adult responsibilities, you will experience more grief when they leave.
Feeling Like There is a Void in Your Life: Your days were probably filled with daily routine as you cared for your children. Now that they are gone, you might not know what to do with your time, leaving you feeling depressed.
Lack of Support: If you don’t have someone to lean on during this change, you are more likely to suffer from this syndrome. Lack of sympathy can make you feel even lonelier.

How Long Does Empty Nest Syndrome Last?

The duration varies for each person. One study shows that 25% of empty nesters overcome it in less than a month. Other parents suffer for up to two years. However, on average, most empty nesters recover from their negative feelings in about three and a half months.

How Is Empty Nest Syndrome Treated?

If you suffer from this condition, there are quite a few ways to treat it, including:

Reconnect With Your Partner: It is essential to reconnect with your spouse or partner after the children leave home. Try to remember how much you enjoyed each other’s time before having children. While you have both likely changed quite a bit since then, you will still be able to find ways to connect.
Reconnect With Yourself: As a parent, most of your thoughts and activities revolve around your children, leaving you with little time for yourself. Once your children have moved out, you will have all of that again, so take advantage and focus on reconnecting with yourself. Think about what you like, who you want to spend time with, and what you want the rest of your life to look like.
Stay Busy And Find New Hobbies: It is important to stay busy and do things that make you happy. This might mean meeting up with friends regularly, exercising, or finding new hobbies. You can join clubs, sign up for a yoga or art class, or spend time learning a new skill.
Find A Support System: You can’t go through this time in your life alone. Go to your friends and family members about your emotions and fears. They will be able to give you advice, reassurance, and a comforting shoulder to lean on.
Stay Positive: Remind yourself that this is what you worked for all these years. You worked to raise capable, strong, and successful children who are now ready to put your lessons to the test. This independence is the ultimate proof that you have succeeded in giving your children exactly what they needed to thrive.
Identify Your New Role: You aren’t the same person you were before. You changed once you had children, and now you are changing again. While some of your identity will remain the same, you still have much to figure out.
Find New Ways To Challenge Yourself And Set New Goals: Push yourself to new limits after your children move out. You now have the time to dedicate to yourself, so see exactly what you are capable of. Set goals for yourself, starting with things you’ve always dreamed of doing.
Adjust To Giving Your Child Space: You must give your child space, meaning you shouldn’t call multiple times a day to check-in. Wait for them to contact you sometimes, and avoid invading their privacy. You have to give them room to learn and grow, and it’ll be better for both of you if you do this.
Plan Something Exciting: You can’t sulk around your house, dreading the silence and space. Instead, plan trips for yourself and your partner or a friend. Even if you don’t go far, you will enjoy the time spent planning, exploring, and relaxing in a new location.
Create A New Routine: If your weekends were once filled with events, tournaments, or other child-related activities, you have to develop a new routine. Fill your weekends with things you enjoy, such as sitting in a bookstore or spending time with friends. Once you develop this new routine, it’ll be easier to deal with your empty nest.
See a Professional: If you can’t seem to overcome the negative feelings associated with this condition, consider seeing a professional. They can help you overcome your emotions and live a fulfilling life once again.

Can Empty Nest Syndrome Be Prevented?

You can’t entirely prevent it, but you can do something to increase your chance of avoiding it. You can write a list of things you wanted to do but couldn’t because of your role as a parent. With that list, you can find excitement in this significant life change as it gives you something to look forward to.

Another idea is to open a line of communication with your child to promote a more robust relationship from the beginning. Ask your child about their feelings and discuss any concerns they have. You might feel better if you make a plan for keeping in touch, too.

If you were a full-time parent, consider finding a job that brings you joy. Lining up the job before your last child moves out will give you a new sense of purpose in life. With a goal, you are less likely to develop this syndrome.

You can also decrease your chance of developing this condition by reaching out to old friends or making new ones. When you start spending time with like-minded people, it will help you recover from this life change. Consider joining hobby groups or attending events that interest you so that you can meet new people.

Decreasing your risk of this condition also requires you to acknowledge your grief and allow yourself to release the feelings. Discuss your feelings, thoughts, and plans with someone you trust and feel supported by. You can also see a professional help you cope before things get too bad.

Final Thoughts on Empty Nest Syndrome: Symptoms, Causes, and Treatment

After so many years of caring for children, it can be difficult for parents to deal with an empty nest. Luckily, it is easier than you may imagine, and you will truly begin to enjoy your new lifestyle. Begin by reconnecting with your spouse and yourself and then moving forward to filling your life with meaningful activities.

You now have the time and energy to spend on old hobbies or new activities. Plus, you will have the chance to do all the things you once dreamed of.

Remember that your children leaving home shows that they are independent and capable adults. This is what you worked so hard to teach them for all of these years. Embrace this new time in your life, and you will be able to cope with an empty nest.

Scientists Discover Earth-sized Planet Aimlessly Floating in the Milky Way

November 18, 2020 by Kristen Lawrence

Scientists observed a planet the size of Earth zooming through the Milky Way, untethered to any star. An international team of scientists led by Polish astronomers discovered the smallest Earth-sized rogue planet found thus far. They believe our galaxy may have an innumerable amount of these free-floating planets. In fact, scientists have already discovered over 4,000 of them.

The terms extrasolar or exoplanets refer to any planet outside the solar system and orbits a star other than the Sun. The planet may travel through the galaxy freely without orbiting a star, like the one recently found. While most of the rogue planets have been observed to orbit a star, there are exceptions.

A few years ago, Polish astronomers from the Astronomical Observatory of the University of Warsaw discovered one of these planets. Publishing their observations in Astrophysical Journal Letters, they announced the existence of the smallest free-floating planet ever discovered in the Milky Way. Detecting these low mass objects in space proves difficult for scientists in most cases due to their distance from Earth. The lead study author says this means they either got very lucky or that countless other exoplanets exist.

How exoplanets are discovered

In most cases, astronomers discover planets by observing light cast from the stars they orbit. If an exoplanet passes in front of the star, the brightness decreases slightly. Called the transit method, this remains the most widely accepted way of detecting rogue planets. However, because free-floating planets don’t emit much radiation and don’t orbit stars, scientists can’t employ the traditional detection methods.

These planets use an astronomical phenomenon called gravitational microlensing, resulting from Einstein’s theory of general relativity. This says that a massive object, such as a star or planet, could bend the light emanating from a background object (the source). In other words, the objects’ gravity acts like a giant magnifying glass, which makes distant stars appear much brighter. This phenomenon can detect planets up to thousands of light-years away.

“If a massive object (a star or exoplanet) passes between an Earth-based observer and a distant source star, its gravity may deflect and focus light from the source. The observer will measure a short, brightening of the source star,” explains Dr. Przemek Mroz, a postdoctoral scholar at the California Institute of Technology and a lead author of the study. “Chances of observing microlensing are extremely slim because three objects—source, lens, and observer—must be nearly perfectly aligned. If we observed only one source star, we would have to wait almost a million years to see the source being microlensed,” he adds.

This explains why most gravitational microlensing takes place in the Milky Way’s center, where this method proves most successful. The OGLE survey, which Warsaw University astronomers oversee, uses this technique to discover rogue planets. OGLE, or Optical Gravitational Lensing Experiment, began over 28 years ago, finding at least 17 exoplanets since 1992.

What’s next?

Currently, OGLE astronomers use a 1.3-meter Warsaw Telescope at Las Campanas Observatory in Chile to look for microlensing signs. On clear nights, they scan the central regions of the Milky Way through the telescope, specifically searching for stars whose brightness fluctuates. Since this method doesn’t depend on the planets’ brightness, it can detect many objects that may otherwise be overlooked.

The duration of microlensing events depends on the mass of the planet being observed. The heavier the object, the longer the event will last, and vice versa for smaller planets or stars. Most microlensing events last for several days and result from stars. In comparison, events that observe rogue planets may last only a few hours due to a smaller mass. Scientists measure the length of the event and the shape of its light curve to estimate the mass of the object.

The shortest microlensing event ever recorded, called OGLE-2016-BLG-1928, lasted just 42 minutes. Models of the event show that the lens, or object being observed, probably equated to Mars’s mass. Scientists believe that they captured a rogue planet during this event.

What the scientists say

“When we first spotted this event, it was clear that it must have been caused by an extremely tiny object,” says Dr. Radoslaw Poleski from the Astronomical Observatory of the University of Warsaw, a co-author of the study. “If the lens were orbiting a star, we would detect its presence in the light curve of the event. We can rule out the planet having a star within about 8 astronomical units (the astronomical unit is the distance between the Earth and the sun).”

A few years ago, OGLE astronomers provided the first evidence of large numbers of rogue planets roaming in the Milky Way. The most recently discovered planet is the smallest free-floating planet ever found.

“Our discovery demonstrates that low-mass free-floating planets can be detected and characterized using ground-based telescopes,” says Prof. Andrzej Udalski, the PI of the OGLE project.

Where rogue planets come from

Astronomers believe that rogue planets form in protoplanetary disks that surround newly formed stars. These untethered planets start normal but eject from the disks due to interactions with other objects in the cosmos. Not having a star to orbit, the planet then travels unbound through space. Rogue planets are usually smaller than Earth.

Studying these discoveries can help us have a better understanding of our solar system as well as other planetary systems. Currently, NASA is building the Nancy Grace Roman Space Telescope, which will help scientists find rogue planets more easily. The observatory will begin operating tentatively in the mid-2020s.

.NASA recently discovered 1000 new planets

Final thoughts on the Earth-sized planet discovered in the Milky Way

In the last few years, Polish astronomers have observed many such discoveries careening through our galaxy. However, the free-floating one recently discovered by researchers is the smallest they found to date. Scientific advancements will allow us to observe more of our cosmos and further understand our placement in it.

Young Girl and Her Pugs Make an Adorable Family

November 18, 2020 by Kristen Lawrence

It doesn’t get much better than having a family of pugs to come home to after a long day! Kennedy and her three fur babies make quite the team, and she wouldn’t have it any other way. She’s grown up with pugs since she was a baby, and cur-rently has three named Mischief, Tahlulabelle, and Rufus.

Her mom Shannon says, “Kennedy was actually greeted by pugs when she came home from the hospital as a little baby, so she has grown up only knowing a home full of pugs.” They truly are her best friends and they seem to do everything together. From dressing up for Halloween to playing on the beach as a family, Kennedy loves hanging out with her pugs. They make even the worst days better and always seem to find a way to make their humans laugh.

“They’re constantly doing something silly or naughty, or just that makes us stop and wonder how these little creatures figured out that we needed to be cheered up and that we need the love they give us in our lives,” Shannon says.

All three dogs have different quirks and unique features about them, but they love them all the same.“Tahlulabelle is currently 17-years-old. She came to us in pretty poor condition; she’s actually been completely immobile for about 2 years now, but does extremely well,” Shannon told us. “Just cause she can’t walk doesn’t mean she doesn’t let us know what she needs and when she needs it.”

About the pugs

As Tahlulabelle has grown older, Kennedy can no longer play with her like she used to. However, their bond has only strengthened over the years, and Kennedy is always there to care for her.

“While Kennedy can no longer be the playmate to Tahlulabelle that she used to be, giving her cuddles and playing with her, what she has become is her loving nurse. Kennedy helps us care for this precious family member in every way possible.

In fact, Kennedy is in charge of giving Tahlulabelle her meds twice a day (with supervi-sion of course). A very important and very real lesson that dogs provide our children is that we love each other through sickness and health, youth and old age. Though we can’t always be what we once were to someone, we can always find a way to be exactly what they need us to be right now.”

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Shannon Green (@circus_pugs) on Apr 23, 2020 at 8:20pm PDT

Along with Belle, they also have Mischief, who joined the family last September. Shannon says that Mischief’s favorite activity is when Kennedy pushes her around the house in cardboard boxes or baskets. She happily sits in the baskets to go alongfor the ride. Apparently, they can do this for hours together and not get bored of it!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Shannon Green (@circus_pugs) on Oct 3, 2020 at 6:16pm PDT

Earlier this year, they adopted a third pug named Rufus, who is now 4-years-old. He fits in perfectly with the rest of his pug and human family. Shannon says he requires endless kisses and love, and will paw at you the second you stop petting him! He’s a laid-back, chill, loving dog, and his family is thankful to have adopted him.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Shannon Green (@circus_pugs) on Sep 27, 2020 at 11:32am PDT

Empathy for animals

Shannon believes that the dogs have taught Kennedy valuable lessons since she’s grown up with them. She says that taking care of the dogs and seeing them as her best friends has taught her kindness and empathy. Kennedy often brings blankets to the pugs in their dog bed and crawls underneath to sleep with them.

One way to assure empathy to all animals and dogs it to use bring quality and comfort into a dog’s life.

Paws Plus One prides its self on offering the best quality pet products including the best washable dog beds UK. All our waterproof mats and dog beds are tested in house for product quality, and water resilience and comfort , and safety for your pets. Shop our range of dog beds including superior memory foam dog beds, car boot dog beds, dog toys and much, much more! Please contact us on [email protected] if you need help choosing the correct washable bed.

She respects her dog family because they’ve shown her the true value of friendship and compassion.

“Animals, they stop everything else that’s happening in the world and kind of bring you back into this moment,” Shannon says. “No matter what’s happening in the world, no matter how bad anything gets, getting to come home to a dog who waits all day for you to come back, and you’re truly the center of their world – it’s the bestfeeling in the world; there’s nothing like it.”

Their story has also been featured on the website The Dodo, and people can’t get enough of their cuteness. From the pictures and videos, you can tell just how much love Kennedy has for her pug family.A caption on one of their Instagram pictures says:

“In our home we believe that animals teach us that we are deeply connected to things other than us. We are connected to other people, other species and this earth. When a child grows up know-ing this, empathy and compassion become as natural to oneself as breathing.”

It seems that both Kennedy and the dogs have learned important lessons from one another. As brothers and sisters, they cuddle and play together, share the same bedat times, and always have each others backs. On both the good and bad days, Kennedy knows that as long as she has her dogs, everything will be okay. She couldn’t imagine life without them since they’ve been such a big part of her child-hood growing up.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Shannon Green (@circus_pugs) on Oct 15, 2020 at 8:56am PDT

Final thoughts about this happy family and their pugs

Pugs make especially good family pets because of their happy, affectionate, loyal and sometimes mischievous nature. They can be stubborn at times, but their intelligence makes them easy to train and teach tricks. Pugs need a lot of attention, which makes them perfect for a loving human like this little girl! Pugs also have a won-derful sense of humor and love to make people laugh, as you can see in the videos. We hope you enjoyed reading about Kennedy and her adorable pug family! If you have a big dog family of your own, we’d love to see some pictures in the comments!

Psychology Reveals Why People Deflect Instead of Taking Responsibility

November 18, 2020 by Power of Positivity

It’s easy to say that deflection is ignoring something, but what does that really mean? Synonyms of the word include turning, deviating, divergence, straying, and more. Deflection is a little deeper than ignoring an issue. It’s a deep, psychological issue that can indicate some other character or personality flaw that a person should deal with. So why do people deflect instead of owning up to their mistakes?

In psychology, deflection is an inability for a person to focus on themselves. More than that, it’s an intense focus on a partner’s feelings, actions, or beliefs (usually an antagonizing focus). It’s usually done as a way to deviate the attention away from their own actions, feelings, and beliefs.

Dealing with a person that is skilled in deflection can be incredibly frustrating. It can lead to failure and even abusive relationships. However, understanding why a person does this could help, especially if the deflector is willing to help. Luckily, it’s a hot topic of discussion among psychologists.

Even Children Might Deflect the Blame

Children who deflect can seem like they’re doing harmless “kid stuff.”

Here’s a prime example. One sibling may tell their parents what the other sibling did to take the parents’ attention away from their own transgressions. Of course, good parents can see right through this and teach the child that it’s the wrong thing to do. They may teach the child that they should take responsibility for their own actions.

In most cases, these lessons stick. However, sometimes they don’t.

When they don’t, what results is a child who grows up practicing deflection. By the time the child becomes an adult, they’ve mastered the skill.

Deflection isn’t just something that kids randomly do. There is much psychological research behind this behavior – something that makes them deflect. One incident of deflection doesn’t indicate a problem. However, the repeated behavior, especially if someone is teaching them that the behavior is wrong, is an indicator that there is something more going on.

Deflection in Small Children

When small children are deflecting, it’s not always with malicious intent. Toddlers must be taught the concept of truth, right and wrong, and accepting responsibility.

At first, toddlers will always tell the truth because they don’t understand that they’ve done something wrong or unacceptable. When they catch on to the right and wrong concept, they may deflect because they want it to be someone else’s fault. This is actually a sign of growth. They’re beginning to understand how life works.

It’s at this point that deflection will either be embraced or stamped out. People often think that a toddler’s deflection is cute or funny. Parents may ask them who wrote on the starch white wall with crayons, and the toddler may say the dog did it.

Living with a young child can be both funny and frustrating.

As tempted as parents may be to laugh it off, they must do the exact opposite. This doesn’t mean they should let the toddler have it, but if they give the toddler a positive response, the child will think their parents like that response. Toddlers want to please their parents, so if you laugh when they say the dog did it, you can expect that response to continue.

If you teach the child that deflection is wrong at this young age, you most likely won’t have to worry about this behavior when they get older. It can be a nightmare trying to get an older child not to deflect.

Research supports that even young children learn to tell lies.

Consider this quote from the psychology journal, Developmental Psychology:

“Lying is a pervasive human behavior. Evidence to date suggests that from the age of 42 months onward, children become increasingly capable of telling lies in various social situations.”

So what they suggest is that toddlers develop the ability to tell lies at a relatively early age. Once lying behavior emerges, a child can make excuses and deflect to shift blame from there.

Deflection in older children.

If deflection isn’t stamped out during the toddler phase, children may start to use this as a manipulation tactic as they get older. They know that you’ll let the behavior go, so they use it to get out of being punished for their actions or behaviors. Their reasoning may be the same – they don’t want you to be mad at them – but it’s a little more malicious at this point because they are aware of what they’re doing.

Although it may be a little more difficult at this stage to teach your child not to deflect, it’s not impossible. It takes a lot of patience as well as a lot of leading by example. Ways to lead by example include:

Allowing kids to hear you work through decisions out loud. Adults make decisions all day, even small ones. However, adults are so good at these decisions; they happen silently, which teaches kids nothing. Vocalize your decision making.
Own up to your mistakes out loud. When kids hear you own up to your mistakes, it teaches them that it’s okay to make mistakes and that it’s not the end of the world. They can also learn how to take responsibility and fix the mistakes.
Let them suffer the consequences of their mistakes. If you always fix everything, they won’t learn how to fix it themselves. It can be tempting to come to your child’s rescue, but they need to learn how to handle themselves in life.

When Deflection Turns Bad

Kids end up deflecting situations because of a fear of not pleasing their parents. This travels into adulthood, and people continue the behavior because of fear. It becomes a defense tactic to keep themselves from getting hurt or abandoned by those they care about.

Sometimes people get so good at deflecting. They do it automatically without realizing that they’re doing it. Unfortunately, this behavior can turn sour. As a teenager or an adult, deflection can move from harmless little lies to being downright abusive. This is counterproductive to keeping their partner in their life, but they don’t see it that way.

A pattern of deflection can be fueled in one of two ways. Fear, which was discussed above, is the first way. Narcissism is the second way. While both ways can turn a person into an abuser, narcissism is the worst of the two.

Narcissism

In psychology, narcissism is defined as an inflated sense of self. The narcissist will lack empathy for other people and believe that they deserve better treatment than everyone else. They want everyone to admire them and put them on a pedestal.

It can be exhausting dealing with a narcissist. They tend to wear down the people around them. However, with therapy, sometimes they can change.

Narcissists are masters of deflection. However, the difference between a narcissist and someone who isn’t one is that narcissist doesn’t care about other people’s feelings. Their deflection is purely selfish.

They don’t displace blame out of fear of not being liked. They do it because they feel that they are always right. Narcissists are very manipulative. So they use deflection as a method to control others around them.

Abusive Deflection

Narcissists can often be verbally abusive. Sometimes they can also be physically abusive. When dealing with this type of narcissist, it may be next to impossible to help them stop deflecting. They may need professional help.

Narcissists that are on this level of abuse have what’s called Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). The abuse can be physical, emotional, or verbal. Besides physical abuse, narcissists with NPD can be so charming and smooth with the abuse that the victim may not realize they’re being abused. This makes it even more dangerous for the victim.

When the deflector is suffering from NPD, deflection is probably the least of anyone’s concern. The deflector will have far worse issues to work through. However, they must be willing to get help.

Final Thoughts on Why People Deflect Onto Others

Deflection is a behavior that can be a defensive response or a response that occurs because a person doesn’t care. The reason the person presents the behavior can change how it affects others. However, it’s always going to be a bad effect.

Blaming others for one’s actions is a bad way to live and it’s bad for people who must interact with the deflector. It strains relationships to a point where they may not be able to be fixed.

If you blame others for your actions, you should begin working on changing the behavior immediately. If it’s someone you care about, it may be time to have a serious conversation with them about changing their ways. The good news is that the behavior can be changed as long as everyone is willing to put in the effort.

4 Ways Too Much Screen Time Can Make You Feel Isolated

November 18, 2020 by Lakeisha Ethans

We live in an age of booming technology, and it’s only becoming more and more advanced. The world we live in is forever shaped by the internet, accessibility, and modern communication methods. It’s so ingrained into the planet as we know it that it’s no longer possible to separate tech from life in any way. Still, we feel isolated in an entirely new way.

Some generations are now growing up, never having known a world without smartphones. Screen time is a staple of everyday life, and that’s not really surprising. Smartphones, tablets, and other mobile devices offer a wealth of information in mere seconds, long-distance communication, and entertainment.

With these developments have come new concerns surrounding health, wellness, and development. How much screen time is too much? And how much connectivity is excessive? How much can you share with the world before it becomes dangerous? Ideally, mobile devices bring us closer together by connecting us all. But is that really the reality, or have we overdone it to the point that it’s counterproductive?

These questions have complex answers, but many of them seem surprising. This increased access to the world is actually causing more and more people to be alone, although they can be connected to everyone all the time. How is this possible, and why?

Here are 4 ways too much screen time can make you feel isolated.

1. You Can Become Addicted

The internet is full of fun. There’s no way to deny the hours of activities you can partake in just from one screen, and that truly is something to marvel at. Unfortunately, with that comes its fair share of consequences.

Internet addiction is a relatively new research area, given the relatively recent and fast developments of accessibility and connectivity as a whole. Still, it’s enough for many people to get a good idea of what is positive and what is negative regarding their attachment to technology.

Addiction is a very isolating experience. There’s a lot of stigma surrounding it as a concept, and it’s even worse for a newer form of addiction that is still less understood. It’s easy to dismiss any signs of addiction to a mobile device because of how commonplace our dependence on such items is.

Unfortunately, devices and internet addiction are genuine problems. Like other forms of addiction, it can cause you to push away your loved ones and hurt those around you due to your obsession, further isolating you.

Here are some signs of internet – and, additionally, mobile device – addiction.

Higher levels of tolerance for mobile devices and internet activities.
Difficulty in reducing or self-regulating mobile devices and internet use.
Constant preoccupation or obsession with mobile devices and the internet.
Reliance on mobile devices and the internet to manage stress, anxiety, depression, and negative emotion.
The existence of withdrawal symptoms when away from mobile devices and the internet.
Psychological dependence on mobile devices and the internet.
Replacement of regular activities and/or relationships with activities related to mobile devices and the internet, despite knowledge of the negativity of such replacements.

But how does this type of addiction happen? It can seem a little puzzling, given the way we usually think of addiction.

Here’s some information about the internet and screen addiction development.

Certain things on the internet give you a hit of dopamine, triggering your reward system to associate the internet with these very brief feeling of happiness. This can occur from a ‘like’ on social media, playing a mobile game, or simply seeing people you relate to.
The internet provides a certain sense of belonging, even to those who struggle to make friends in real life. There’s a community for just about anyone on the internet. With factors like anonymity, it’s easy to hop between friend groups, presenting yourself as you wish, for the best responses.
It’s easy to build a fake persona online. You can present only the very best of yourself and then begin to prefer that embellished version of you to who you truly are. Since that “perfect” you doesn’t exist outside of your mobile devices, it can be tough to go back to real life when you can’t measure up to your own precedents.

2. You Spend More Time Isolated

Ironically, being so connected to everyone all the time can wind up isolating you even further. It’s a difficult concept to wrap your head around, but think about it – how often are you enjoying screen time with others? The answer is likely not as much as how often you participate in device activities at home on your own!

Here are some other reasons you wind up spending more time alone when you indulge in a lot of screen time:

With the ability to talk to anyone in the world right at your fingertips, you have less reason to go out and socially interact in person with others.
You learn updates of other people’s lives through their social media without ever needing to communicate with them.
You’re more aware of the lives of others, constantly shared on social media, so you know when you’re left out.
You spend more time checking your phone, which has many options for things you can do and therefore interact with the world around you less.

Here are some interesting scientific findings on screen time, isolation, loneliness, and its effects:

“People Thinking About People: The Vicious Cycle of Being a Social Outcast in One’s Own Mind” in The social outcast: ostracism, social exclusion, rejection, and bullying (2005). This portion of a book on the social outcast discussed an interesting study where people were hypnotized by a professional hypnotist to experience sensations of loneliness. That loneliness trigger was enough to directly lead to significant increases in depression symptoms and very drastic drops in positive thinking.
“Loneliness Matters: A Theoretical and Empirical Review of Consequences and Mechanisms” in Annals of Behavioral Medicine (2013). This experiment revealed that the stress hormone, cortisol, increases in production when you feel lonely. In fact, the stress levels from loneliness can be comparable to receiving a direct physical threat!
“iGen: Why Today’s Super-Connected Kids Are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy–and Completely Unprepared for Adulthood–and What That Means for the Rest of Us” by Jean Twenge, Ph.D. (2017). This book talks in-depth about the newer generation of children growing up with technology. It scientifically discusses how this generation feels lonelier than previous ones, despite their closer online connections. In 2015, data collected indicated a 27% and 48% increase in boys and girls, respectively, who felt excluded and left out than in 2010. Peers of the author seem to agree with these findings.

3. You Don’t Get Social Practice

There is no real substitute for real-world, physical contact with someone. You can’t sharpen social skills, pick up proper social skills, or learn how to carry yourself. Nor can you pick up on a person’s mannerisms unless you spend time with someone in-person.

The problem with interactions separated by a screen is how vastly different they are to real-life experiences. Here are some ways that internet communication can socially stunt you:

Have time to think about your responses for several minutes or even hours before replying to someone
May feel emboldened and protected by the screen, allowing you only to feel comfortable speaking your mind online.
Don’t get someone’s tone, body language, or facial expressions from online text-based communications, and emojis are extremely easy to interpret in comparison

Naturally, when you go to the real world and don’t have the “easy mode” of socialization that comes with screens and social media to help you, you may fumble and become anxious. That’s why it’s important to make sure you’re still socializing in real life, too.

4. It Increases Materialism

Materialism is an incredibly isolating way of thinking. It reduces a lot of the world to mere figures and currency values. Indeed, it makes it harder to relate to people and situations. Unfortunately, a lot of screen time can often make you more materialistic. Here are some reasons for this:

You see, many people sharing their material items on social media in attractive ways, which can influence your thoughts.
Brand advertisements are everywhere, on all websites, often well-integrated into the interface.
You are more likely to have an individualistic view of the world via social media than a community-based one.
Trends are common on the internet, and many trends involve purchasing and showing off material items that change from week to week.
Not having what others have and being unable to bond with them can cause you to feel isolated or separated.
It’s easy to think that the online community would accept you if you have material items.

Materialism is on the rise, and unfortunately, it isn’t harmless, according to studies. Materialistic individuals often wind up experiencing anxiety or depression symptoms, failing to develop any meaningful values, or feeling empty and lonely due to an inability to afford these material things.

Final Thoughts On How Too Much Screen Time Can Make You Feel Isolated

It’s truly ironic to think that something designed to bring people close together can actually separate us all even more. Despite the rather poetic drama of it all, though, one can’t deny that screen time is a convenient way to occupy oneself, keep up-to-date on the news, and stay in touch with distant friends and family.

So how do you strike a balance between being social and isolated? How can you still use your screens without driving yourself into loneliness? How can The answer, as always, lies in moderation. Make sure that screens don’t replace real-life meetings with friends. Limit your viewing of the more toxic aspects of social media. Be realistic about the things you see online.

If you struggle with balancing your screen time, you may want to speak to a therapist or relevant medical professional dealing in mental health. This is especially true if you think you may be struggling with an addiction to social media or the internet. If you really need to, don’t be afraid to quit social media and use your phone for non-social forms of entertainment. That way, you can get the fun of screen time and have more excuses to meet your loved ones in person.

Weekly tips, affirmations, and small actions to feel your best.

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!