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10 Signs Your Quest for Perfection Has Gone Too Far

March 25, 2021 by Power of Positivity

Perfectionists see themselves as ambitious people. But too often, they cross the line being driven by anxiety or a lack of self-esteem. How do you know when your quest for perfection has gone too far? Here are 10 signs that indicate you’ve lost control.

What is perfection?

Although perfection looks inviting, most people know that perfection is fantasy. There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, job, or children. It’s easy to spin perfectionism as a positive quality as if it’s a badge of honor for those who seek it. But studies show that perfectionists have a higher risk of the following outcomes:

Suicide
Eating disorders
Anxiety disorders
Depression

Signs your quest for perfection has gone too far

When is it time to say enough is enough?

1 – Lack of creativity

Creativity can be messy. It’s filled with trial and error. When you’re a perfectionist, there is no room for messiness or opened-ended projects. Everything must be neat and tidy. If you do pursue something that seems creative, it will get stifled by your need to finish it. In fact, the need to finish the creative project becomes more important to you than the inspiration behind the creativity. Some have said that perfectionism is the enemy of creativity. You know that your quest for perfection has gone too far when you lack creative thoughts and inspiration for projects at home, work, or school. You’ve bought the lie that it’s not worth pursuing if it isn’t perfectly done or successful by your own standards.

2 – Can’t take criticism

No one likes criticism, but generally, you can accept it when you know it will help you improve at what you’re doing. But if you’re on a quest for perfection, you’ll see criticism as destructive. You’ll have a hard time hearing you made you blundered because even though you may feel like a failure, you don’t want anyone to criticize you. If someone points out a mistake to you, you’ll feel like you have a defect. How can you not be perfect? It’s too disappointing to consider, so you refuse to accept others’ advice or critics because it’s too painful for you to accept.

3 – Blame yourself for things

Perfectionists tend to have distorted thinking about themselves. If you’re a perfectionist, you’ll blame yourself for everything. Any mistake gets blown out of proportion, causing you to belittle yourself with words like “loser” or “stupid.” You will be more aware of your faults than your good qualities and assume that everyone sees your imperfections. You live with guilt because you feel like you’ve let yourself and others down. This often shows up in parenting. You feel responsible if your child does poorly in school. If you were a better parent, your child would have done better.

4 – Very Critical of Others

If you’re on a quest for perfection, you feel as if you know what perfection looks like and when others don’t perform the way you think they should, you’ll be upset. You will constantly suggest ways for others to improve themselves. You’ll never be happy just accepting others, but feel responsible for pointing out their weakness because you assume they want to be perfect like you. This puts a burden on your friendships and your family, often driving them away because they feel unaccepted by you.

The sad thing is that you may have experienced this lack of acceptance as a child, and now you continue to perpetuate it with your kids. Unless you see how dangerous perfectionism is, you may destroy your relationships.

5 – Unrealistic goals

In your quest for perfection, you have an all-or-nothing approach to your life. If you can’t do something perfectly, you’ll feel like a total failure. There is no room for error in your pursuits because you have a warped sense of what is realistic. Perhaps you’ve had success in an area but haven’t reached the success level you want.

Second place is never good enough for you. In fact, second place is basically losing in your mind. Many performers who struggle with perfection feel this way. They create an amazing song, yet even though it’s wildly popular, it won’t be as perfect to them.

6 – You procrastinate

Another characteristic of overboard perfectionism is the paralyzing fear of failure. Because of this, you will put off doing things. If you don’t do the project, it can’t fail. Others may think you’re lazy or don’t care, but the real problem is that you care too much.

Your reputation and self-esteem are so tied up in your perfect performance that you can’t do anything without worrying it will be a disaster. You live with the stress of endless unfinished projects. And if this leads to losing your job or failing school, you will feel justified that you didn’t try since you have failed, anyway.

Reality gets so twisted for the perfectionist that they don’t know what’s true and a lie. Sometimes perfection leads you to be extremely detailed so that you can’t get started on something. For instance, when you start to work, everything needs to be perfect or can’t work. This obsession can lead you to not putting off the project since it’s already not perfect.

7 – Lack of self-care

Sometimes perfectionists are so caught up in achieving their goals. They disregard their health or self-care. Have you ever noticed pictures of famous painters who had overgrown beard and hair? They look like they just crawled out of a hole into the light of day because they’ve been busy working on the perfect painting.

It’s common for a perfectionist not to sleep or eat for days. Insomnia may be common for you if you’re a perfectionist. Perfectionistic athletes may get injured because they push themselves too much.

Perfectionists can also suffer from the following, according to studies:

IBS
Stress-related illnesses
Heart conditions
Diabetes
Crohn’s disease
High blood pressure
Bipolar disorder

8 – You need approval before you decide on things

Perfectionists crave approval from others. Their need for approval is important because they feel like it’s a gauge for how they’re doing. Approval means acceptance to a perfectionist. If you are on a quest for perfection, you may see others’ opinions as extremely important and seek them out whenever you can. Perfectionists often use social media to gain approval from others. Lots of likes on your blog must mean you’re acceptable and worthwhile.

9 – Give up easily

Like everyone else, perfectionists of set goals for themselves. But a perfectionist often gives up before they reach the goals. They either give up quickly or won’t stop trying until they almost kill themselves. This all-or-nothing attitude is common. They feel every difficulty taking it personally. Failure hangs over them, and they respond emotionally by simply giving up.

10 – Feel unhappy

In the end, most perfectionists are unhappy people. Their internal struggles are many. They beat themselves up, hating themselves for not measuring up to standards that are so high, no one could reach them. Their expectations of themselves are sky-high, yet they struggle with procrastination.

Perfectionists believe that being perfect is the goal, yet they fear trying to reach it since they worry they will fail. The pain of all the perfectionist twists makes causes unhappiness with yourself and your life.

What causes perfectionism–and how can you overcome it?

People who struggled with perfection probably had this attitude reinforced when they were young. They probably received acceptance based on their performance rather than for just being themselves. They may have been expected to be smart, athletic, or beautiful.

Perhaps their parents withheld acceptance if they didn’t reach these goals. If you didn’t understand the dysfunction of this type of thinking while growing up, you’d take your need to be perfect into your adulthood.

So that brings up this question.

How can you begin to break free of perfectionism?

1 – List the pros and cons of being a perfectionist

Ask yourself, does being a perfectionist make your life harder or easier? Are you having relationship problems because of it? Work problems? Eating disorders or substance abuse?

2 – Try to lower your expectations

If possible, try to lower your expectations about stuff. Find ways to free yourself from the tyranny of doing things perfectly. Give yourself some slack, knowing you won’t change overnight.

3 – Step back from your attitudes

If you catch yourself drifting into perfectionist behavior or thoughts, step back and take note. What was it that caused you to slip back into perfectionism? Keep a journal about these times. Figure out your triggers and, if possible, avoid them or at least be ready for this trigger.

4 – Talk about your struggles

Find a trusted pastor, friend, or family member to talk to about your struggle with perfectionism. Ask them for accountability and help.

5 – Don’t hate criticism

Try to remember that criticism helps you grow and improve. See it as helpful, not hurtful. It may take time to start really believing it, but you can learn not to hate it over time.

Final thoughts on realizing that your quest for perfection went too far

Perfectionism is valued in our society, but that’s probably because it gets mixed up with doing a job with excellence. But perfectionist people have an extreme need for approval and success to feel worthwhile. It’s a slippery slope for those who suffer from it. They constantly compare themselves with others and never feel like they can reach the perfection they want. Of course, perfection isn’t a possible reality, and once you realize this, it can help you let go.

If you struggle with being a perfectionist and feel like your life is getting out of control, be sure to find someone to talk to about your struggles. Whether it’s a counselor or pastor, they can help you break free from the quest for perfection to find true happiness.

4 Habits That Make It Hard to Manage Panic Attacks

March 25, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Are you trying to manage panic attacks?

A panic attack is a kind of anxiety or stress-based episode involving intense and often unrealistic feelings of anxiety and fear. It is usually accompanied by a wide range of severe physical symptoms and is common when there is no actual danger.

Panic attacks can be frightening to experience, so learning to manage them is crucial to continue your daily life without being brought down by them. Here are 4 habits that make it hard to manage panic attacks.

1. Eating Poorly

The food you eat changes the way your body functions. Your food contains the energy you will use throughout the day, and using the wrong kind of power is a surefire way to worsen your psychological state. Anxiety is significantly affected by this, as a lack of sustenance can trigger stress responses. Here are some ways you may be eating poorly and causing more severe panic attacks:

· Eating Too Little

The human body needs the energy to function. When you don’t get enough calories, your body doesn’t have the nutrients it needs to continue pushing you forward. This results in feelings of stress as the body enters starvation mode, a fight-or-flight “status” that depletes your positive thinking. Make sure you get enough food every day, especially if you live a more active lifestyle!

· Low-Fat Diets

Fat gets a bad rap due to years of misinformation regarding their health value. Sure, some fats are bad for you, but good fats, especially omega-3 fatty acids, are beneficial for the body and help reduce inflammation. It’s said that eating enough good fats can have positive effects on anxiety disorders, reducing their symptoms – including panic attacks.

· Low-Carbohydrate Diets

You may have noticed that you crave carbs whenever you feel down, and there’s a scientific reason for it! It’s believed that carbs boost your body’s serotonin levels, with serotonin being a feel-good hormone. The boosted serotonin can reduce the frequency of panic attacks.

· Not Eating Sufficient Protein

Blood sugar levels are crucial in fighting off the worst symptoms of anxiety, and those levels dip and spike rapidly if the body has to use glucose-filled foods. When you don’t eat enough protein, the body turns instead to carbs to fuel itself, according to research, and this leads to anxiety as those carbs are rapidly consumed by you and then used by the body, your blood sugar swings up and down frequently, leading to energy crashes.

· Skipping Meals

A lot of people skip meals due to financial difficulties or convenience. While it can’t always be helped, you should know that skipping meals messes with your blood sugar levels, sending your energy fluctuating and worsening anxiety symptoms. Consistent meals during the day, even if they’re small ones, are much better for you than completely missing some.

2. Checking Devices Too Often

Phones, laptops, computers, tablets… we live in the age of technology! With so much right at your fingertips, it’s tough to restrain yourself from constantly spending time on these devices. Unfortunately, that’s not healthy for you. Here are some ways that overdoing device usages can harm your mental health and worsen panic attacks:

· Constantly Scrolling On Social Media

Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram are so easily accessible that checking them and looking through them becomes somewhat habitual. That wrenches you away from the present, keeping you in a constant loop of disconnected connectivity. You don’t get “alone” time because, with social media, you’re never really “alone,” and you also wind up wasting a lot of time aimlessly browsing these websites. That’s not even covering the low self-esteem that is often built when you compare yourself to other people’s social media posts!

· Checking Your Work Emails All The Time

Work-related messages should be reserved for when you’re actively working. If you’re always checking emails, then you practically never have any time off and work 24/7. It would be best if you had time to yourself where you can spend time doing things you actually want to do and making sure that you don’t stay in your work inbox when you’re not on the clock is crucial for a positive work-life balance. Refreshing your email every few minutes adds to your stress levels, and it’s going to give you more panic.

· Constantly Checking Your Phone, In General

Our mobile devices come with the amazing promise of non-stop interaction, stimulation for the brain, and more. It can be tempting to spend all of your time on it, but with all the things to do and the quick and easy access to work-related messages, social media, commitments, and beyond, it can all be a bit too much. Even simply looking for notifications frequently can lead to higher levels of stress, according to studies, which puts you more at risk for panic attacks.

3. Spending All Your Time Alone At Home

Are you a homebody? It’s outstanding to be an introvert or to love your creature comforts! But balance is necessary if you want to manage your anxiety better. Overdoing your alone time or at-home time can both harm your anxiety levels. Here are some ways you shouldn’t be spending your time if you want to manage panic attacks:

· Being Indoors All Day

It’s cozy at home, but you also need a little bit of time in the sun. Though too much sun has adverse effects on your skin, exposure to natural light is fantastic for overall health. Being in nature, under the sun, and in the fresh air can work wonders for positive thinking and anxiety, reducing the risk of panic attacks.

· Isolating Yourself

Lots of socially anxious people feel most comfortable on their own, and even introverts, in general, may prefer their own company to spend time with anyone else. According to research, social support is crucial to overall mental health and can help reduce the severity of anxiety. Being alone leaves you with nothing but yourself and your anxious thoughts – and no one to shed light on reality for you.

· Spending Every Weekend Indoors

Weekends are free time for most people, and with that time, you can go out and socialize, enrich yourself, or enjoy a nice change of pace. Spending that time inside alone gives you many problems at once: you’re isolated, you’re not in natural environments, and you’re wasting valuable time. This is not to say you can’t have a day off every week, but if you have more than one day off, you should opt to spend one of them outdoors if you want to manage panic attacks better.

4. Engaging In Negative Thinking

There is a huge range of negative thinking patterns that can be harmful to your psychological state. As a general rule, any thinking that brings you down or traps you in negative thought processes will worsen panic attacks. Sometimes, they even lead to panic attacks themselves!

Negative thinking is the crux of anxiety, and it’s often irrational, over-critical, and not grounded in any form of reality. That’s why recognizing negative thinking and learning to change those thoughts and transform them into positive thinking can help you with panic attacks. Here are some common forms of negative thinking to be aware of:

· Emotional Reasoning

Feelings are powerful things, but that doesn’t mean they’re right all the time. In fact, most of the time, your emotions are wrong! Emotional reasoning refers to the act of trusting your initial emotional response as valid evidence to conclude. For example, if you feel embarrassed about something, you might use that as evidence that everyone is laughing at you. It’s not accurate at all and will make you more anxious. If something has received an emotional response from you, your best bet is to stop and consider if your thoughts have a basis in reality.

· Overthinking

Some things aren’t that deep. Spending a lot of time over-analyzing someone’s words or actions is pointless. You’ll never manage to figure out if someone meant something different by their words, or if others perceived you negatively when you stuttered, or if your boss’ request for a meeting means you’re being fired simply by thinking very hard about these issues. Communication will give you answers much more quickly, and it’s also much better for your panic. The more you overthink, the more panicky you get, and the more panicky you get, the worse your thoughts will be. It’s a nasty cycle!

· Jumping To Conclusions

Fortune-telling behavior is terrible for panic attacks. You hear a few bits of information and immediately leap to a conclusion based on that poor foundation. Usually, that conclusion will be both inaccurate and incredibly harmful, adding to any feelings of panic you already have. For example, if your significant other is in a bad mood, you may immediately jump to the conclusion that they’re going to break up with you. You can see how that would worsen anxiety!

· Magnification

Magnification refers to the act of taking a simple problem and blowing it up until it’s overwhelming and consuming. It’s what happens when setbacks make you feel like it’s the end of the world or like you’re going to die, even when in the grand scheme of things, they’re no big deal. While your emotions and fears are valid, it’s also important to know that they’re not realistic. Practice taking things within their contexts and seeing them for what they indeed are instead of blowing them up.

· Catastrophizing

It’s pretty easy to see what this form of negative thinking means. It refers to the act of making catastrophes out of nothing. If you have anxiety, you likely know how difficult it is to distinguish between likely and unlikely events, so you may tend to imagine the worst possible scenario – which is possible but not probable! The act of assuming the worst will always happen a natural anxiety-increaser that will make your panic attacks much worse.

Final Thoughts On Some Habits That Make It Hard To Manage Panic Attacks

Panic attacks can be tough to manage, but it’s possible when you begin adopting better habits and stopping the use of negative ones. However, there is no shame in asking for help. If your panic attacks are significant enough to get in the way of your everyday life and tasks, speak to a mental health professional for treatment and help!

11 Behaviors That Reveal a Passive-Aggressive Person

March 25, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Have you ever felt like you were being targeted or treated incredibly poorly by someone but without any explicit or obvious evidence of a problem? The chances are that this individual was a passive-aggressive person towards you.

Passive-aggression refers to behavior where an individual expresses anger or resentment towards others or situations indirectly. It can be a surprisingly harmful and very toxic trait to be around. So how can you spot someone who acts this way? Here are 11 behaviors that reveal a passive-aggressive person.

1. They Give You Compliments That Aren’t Compliments

Compliments are great to receive, but they’re also easy to use as tools because they’re so universally understood and liked. Luckily, it’s usually relatively easy to tell when something’s just a little bit “off” about a specific compliment.

Passive-aggressive people often use back-handed compliments, or non-compliments, to get their message across. You’ll hear what sounds like nice words, but you’ll get the instinctual feeling that they aren’t actually nice.

For example:

Excellent work out there for a woman.
Great pasta. I barely even tasted all that salt!
I love your shirt. I had one just like it in high school.
Your art is… interesting. I’m sure someone will like it.
It’s pretty good. I think my standards are just higher.

Studies have delved into the world of backhanded compliments and their delivery in the past, with the consensus being that non-compliments are most commonly delivered by those who want to state their case while sounding positive. They may:

Want to assert their superiority or authority
Reduce the motivation or ruin the mood of the recipient of the “compliment.”
Seek to insult you due to their grievances with you

No matter which way you look at it, though, backhanded compliments are always passive-aggressive. If your reaction to a compliment is adverse, you may have to examine the person’s words and determine if they’re kind or cruel.

2. They Always Deny The Actual Problem

Passive-aggressive people are all about hiding true intentions and feelings. They resort to passive-aggression because they don’t know how or don’t want to address actual problems. They shy away from conflict and anger, so they seek to get their message across by vehemently insisting there’s nothing wrong.

Confusing? It certainly is, and that’s why passive-aggressive behavior is so frustrating to deal with. You can directly ask a person like this if something’s wrong, and they’ll always say “no.” You can even get very specific about what you think they’re upset about, and they’ll still deny it!

If someone keeps insisting that they’re fine when they obviously aren’t, don’t bother engaging with them further. It would be best if you didn’t coddle them as this will encourage them to repeat the behavior. Communicate with them that you need their positive honesty and leave the door open for them to be genuine, but don’t give them extra allowances or go the extra mile to read their mind.

3. They Blame Others

Passive-aggressive people are reluctant to take any responsibility for anything negative, even when everyone knows they’re the ones responsible. They essentially seek to blame everyone around them for the actions they performed and may say things like:

You’re such a perfectionist. You’re never satisfied!
I would have done it differently if you’d just said something.
How was I supposed to know about that?
Everyone always expects the impossible out of me! It’s not fair!
I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you aren’t good at making jokes.

4. They Leave Things Unfinished

Passive-aggressive people tend to procrastinate or leave things incomplete. This is their indirect way of telling you that they resent having to do this job at all and wish they didn’t need to. It’s a very commonly known passive-aggressive trait, according to studies. For example, they might:

Wash the dishes but never put them away
Do the laundry but not fold them or put them away
Build furniture but leave the last piece unassembled
Paint the walls but leave one area unpainted
Please take out the trash but leave it in front of the door instead of in the bin outside

The goal of a passive-aggressive person who does this is to make you so sick of it that you do it yourself. After all, if you were to question them, they’d be able to use the work they have done to prove their kind-heartedness.

5. They Withdraw

A passive-aggressive person, as we’ve covered, doesn’t want to admit how they feel openly. Instead, they withdraw into themselves and sulk, often in pronounced ways, as though inviting others to gain insight into their true feelings.

This seems innocent at first, especially if you worry about them and see them behaving in this brooding way. But it’s actually a quiet manipulation tactic used to elicit a response from you. Passive-aggressive people want you to respond to them in a certain way, trying to gain your sympathy and attention while changing the room’s entire mood to suit their personal whims.

6. They Talk About Wishing For Things

Everyone has wishes, but passive-aggressive people will openly wish for everything. This is a form of hinting for them. They state their desires, often for ordinary things, instead of directly asking you for what they want.

Worse still, they always end on a dramatic note, saying they’re sure it won’t happen as they desire or that it’s just wishful thinking. For example:

“How I wish someone would help me finish all this! Too bad everyone’s so busy, they could never spare a moment to help someone like me.”
“I’m so hungry. I wish I’d bought lunch as nice as yours. Oh well, it’s too late for me to go back and change the past now, so it’s all wishful thinking…”
“It’d be excellent if you could finish it by two o’clock, but I guess I just don’t have any choice but to wait for the end of the day.”
“All I want is to be able to have someone cover my shift this weekend! But I guess that’s way too much to ask for.”
“I wish someone would donate their old computer to me! But that’d never happened, I suppose. Not to me.”

It can be very frustrating to hear these things, and you might even fall into the trap of giving in to their stated wishes. Hold your ground, and don’t engage! You want a passive-aggressive person to be forced to resort to proper, positive communication, not get what they want by dropping hints.

7. They’re Always Late

Passive-aggressive people don’t usually respect anyone else’s time. They’re late to anything and everything and don’t care that they are. They’ll often even act surprised when they turn out to be the last one to arrive. But why do they do it? It may be because:

They have resentment for the people they’re meeting with
They don’t want to go to whatever plans they’ve made
They want to get some attention for something

8. They Make Countless Excuses

Passive-aggressive people have to do all sorts of questionable things to get their messages across without saying their statements. Over time, someone will inevitably question their motives. When that time comes around, excuses spill forth from their mouths!

A passive-aggressive person will make a wide range of different excuses, sometimes clearly false, mostly meant to elicit sympathy. They may cite an ill relative, try to get sympathy by discussing poor mental health, or even blame others. Typically, their excuses will be difficult to question or contradict without coming across as mean, which is exactly why they use them.

9. They Insult You Covertly

We’ve talked about backhanded compliments – but what about covert insults? These are commonly used by passive-aggressive people who have a bone to pick with you but aren’t brave enough to address their issues directly. They will disguise insults as something less malicious, often by pretending to be kind. For example, they might say:

“No offense, but…”
“I don’t want to sound judgemental, but…”
“This may come across as mean, but…”
“I hope this isn’t too insensitive, but…”
“I’m mostly joking, so…”
“You’re going to hate me saying this, but…”
“I mean no disrespect, but…”

These disclaimers added to the front of their insults are just meant to be easy escape clauses from them. You can stop this from progressing further by telling them you don’t want to hear it before they get past the “but” part of the statement or by asking them to speak freely and with more positive methods.

10. The Masquerade As Cooperative

When passive-aggressive people are resentful or don’t want to do something, they will try to act as if they are cooperative, even when they’re not. This allows them to pretend to be part of the team while they take out their annoyance on you indirectly. They might:

Outright say that they will comply with something, only never to do it.
Cite their inexperience as a reason for them to sit out to avoid getting in your way.
Do bad jobs for their tasks, forcing others to redo them.
Claiming to be trying to help but secretly sabotaging efforts left and right.
Creating false evidence of their work.
Feign ignorance when called out for not doing what they should be doing.

11. They Use The Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is a very harmful and toxic thing. It can quickly erode positive thinking, often dropping self-esteem and isolating victims of such treatment. This is probably why passive-aggressive people love using it so much. They can avoid addressing actual problems while making sure the people they’re angry at discerning their message, loud and clear.

When a passive-aggressive person feels resentful of you, they may give you the cold shoulder, ignoring your words, calls, and texts and refusing to speak to you directly. If called out, they’ll cite tiredness or some other excuse, as it’s quite difficult to blame someone for simply being quiet.

Final Thoughts On Some Behaviors That Reveal A Passive-Aggressive Personality

Passive-aggressive people are frustrating to deal with, and their lack of communication can damage relationships in the long-run. If you know someone who often behaves in a passive-aggressive way, try to communicate your desire for an open dialogue. Don’t be afraid to cut passive-aggressive people out of your life. You don’t need the drain on your positive thinking!

10 Phrases to Remember When Someone Is Rude to You

March 25, 2021 by Power of Positivity

Let’s face it – we all run across our fair share of rude people. In so many situations, rudeness is entirely uncalled for. It probably catches you off-guard, especially if you’ve done nothing to earn it.

When people are rude, it’s usually because of some underlying situation that may be happening to them. It’s rarely because of anything that you did. You happen to be at the receiving end of the wrong statement at the wrong time.

Sometimes you may run into people who have a rude personality. You may be surprised that they don’t even consider themselves rude. After all, the level of rude behavior is determined by cultural norms. What’s rude in one state may be acceptable in another.

If you feel like someone is rude to you, you can nip it in the bud with a firm but a kind statement. This type of message is best because rude behavior will only spawn more disrespectful behavior.

10 Phrases to Use to Respond to Rude People

Below are ten statements that you can use to help set your boundaries.

1. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

This is a classic way people have addressed rudeness for decades – possibly centuries. You’ve probably heard this when you were younger. Perhaps it was from a teacher, a parent, a mentor, or some other adult that aimed to teach you how to be polite. Unfortunately, some people forget their manners as adults and must be reminded of this little quip. As simple as the statement seems, in most cases, once you remind them, it will sink in once again like it did in childhood.

2. “I don’t allow people to talk to me in that rude of a way.”

This powerful statement may seem like you’re scolding the person. You become authoritative in telling them what you will and will not allow. This lets them know you value yourself enough to not deal with someone who can’t respect your opinions, positions, and/or feelings. If you make this statement, make sure you mean it. If they don’t cut out the rudeness, cut them off or end the conversation. This keeps you in control and lets them know you mean business.

“3. When you think of a better way to address me, talk to me later.”

This statement serves a couple of purposes. The first is that it stops the rude person in their tracks. There could be a slight chance that they don’t realize they’re snappy, which will make them aware of this issue. However most rude people know they’re rude, but you don’t have to put up with that. The second purpose is that it still leaves the door open for the conversation once the rude person has found a way to correct themselves. Walking away right after making this statement will make it hit home.

3. “You should rethink that rude statement that you just made.”

This is a firm statement, but one that isn’t confrontational. This is a great way to point out that a person has said something wrong. Sometimes people can say things in the heat of the moment they don’t mean or be irritated, which makes them rudely say things. This statement can help them pause momentarily, realize that they’re directing their irritability to the wrong person, and change their attitude toward you. Sometimes people need redirection.

4. “I will let your rude statement slide…this time.”

Sometimes when people are rude, the best thing to do is to turn the other cheek. It’s hard, but it can be a beneficial practice in certain situations. You don’t always have to confront everything. It would be best if you chose your battles wisely. This statement allows you to do just that while letting the person know you’re aware of their rudeness. This way, they know you won’t allow them to continue their rudeness, but you’re also giving them a one-time pass to correct themselves the next time they talk to you.

5. “I know you were raised better than that.”

This is a statement that is more often heard spoken by an adult to a child. However, if an adult is being rude and acting childish, you can try it on them. The statement is a bit of a risk. You may not know if they were raised better than that or not. However, there is nothing wrong with having a bit of hope. Plus, it draws attention to the fact that they’re rude, which could be enough to change their attitude.

6. “I understand that you’re upset about something, but I would appreciate it if you don’t take it out on me.”

This is a firm but extremely kind statement to make to someone who has just been rude to you. You’re standing up for yourself but also making the person comfortable and at ease. You never know what people are going through. Situations can make people behave in ways they otherwise wouldn’t and cause them to be rude because they aren’t handling their problems well. A statement like this can wake them up to the fact that they’re harsh and, hopefully, they’ll change the behavior.

7. “Let’s start this conversation over.”

This statement indirectly addresses the rudeness and allows the person to self-correct before you need to correct them. It shows that you will forgive their brief indiscretion and pretend it didn’t happen. Sometimes people impulsively say things that they quickly regret. But if they are ready to let it go, the conversation could turn out a lot better than before. It’s a way to forgive and forget without saying that you will do so.

8. “I don’t know what your problem is, but let’s end this now before things get worse.”

This statement is on the kindness border. Depending on how you say it, it could be interpreted as a bit threatening. If you want to sound kind, make sure you use a softer tone that isn’t aggressive in any way. Being nice when you say this can still have the same effect as if you say it aggressively. Being nice about it can prevent an argument or altercation. However, it also protects you because you’re letting the person know that you won’t be pushed around.

9. “You need to re-evaluate the way you speak to people.”

This is a kind and firm statement, but there is a chance that it may not get the results you desire. That’s because it’s almost like a direct order, and if the person is upset, they may be resistant to this order. Of course, you don’t mean it that way, but when a person is not in their right state of mind, they aren’t thinking logically. Hopefully, the person can snap out of it quickly in your case.

10. “Wow, you must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!”

This is a kind and firm statement with a touch of humor added in. Some rude people may react to that humor in a good way by softening up a bit. However, this humor will be interpreted if you say it with a friendly tone of voice. If not, you may sound like your coming back with an argumentative quip, and that will get you nowhere fast.

Final Thoughts on Addressing Rude People

We’ve all been there. At some point in your life, you’ve been the victim of a rude person. It doesn’t feel right, and no one should put up with that type of treatment. You must nip the problem in the bud so they know they cannot continue that behavior.

A lot of rude people use this behavior as a type of armor. They feel like it helps them protect their feelings, so they dish it out as often as possible. Unfortunately, this is an issue that the person must work out independently. Even if you’re nice about them being rude, they may continue to behave that way.

However, you can look on the bright side of things and try to remain positive. After all, positivity breeds positivity, so if you respond to their rudeness with kindness, they might change the error of their ways.

The main point is that you can’t let a person continue to be rude to you, even if they’re going through some things. It would be best if you were firm about letting them know you want them to cease the behavior, but you don’t have to be mean about it. Using these firm but kind statements above, you can set boundaries with a rude person while being civil.

Psychology Explains 5 Characteristics of Masochistic Personality Disorder

March 25, 2021 by Power of Positivity

Your personality is a mixture of your inherited genes, your growing up experience, and other components of your temperament along with learned behaviors. While everyone has personality quirks, you can find it hard to function if your personality develops instabilities. This difference is called a personality disorder. Although masochistic personality disorder isn’t formally acknowledged by the American Psychiatric Association (APA), some doctors still recognize and diagnose it as a personality disorder.

Here are some characteristics of a masochistic personality disorder you may find interesting.

Masochistic personality disorder defined

This personality disorder includes strong self-defeating characteristics with people-pleasing at your own expense and refusing to accept positive encouragement. You may struggle with self-defeat and being extremely hard on yourself. You’ll hold on to resentment rather than doing something about people who insult or hurt you. This is a common struggle for people with a masochistic personality disorder.

This personality disorder is sometimes confused with sexual sadomasochism, in which one person dominates another who submits to them. Hollywood movies like to make their characters depicted like this, but that is an exaggeration and not ordinary. The more typical masochistic personality doesn’t include this type of behavior. More often, the masochistic person wants to inflict humiliation and pain on themselves more than on others.

How did this personality disorder develop?

Sadly, this disorder often develops during childhood due to over-controlling parents. Of course, parents need to control their kids’ behavior, but this type of parent requires compliance and obedience at all times, without exception. They need to handle every situation their child is in, often resulting in not allowing their child to express their own opinions. The child may be expected to act like a little adult, fulfilling the responsibilities of the parent.

The parents’ love is a conditional kind of love. If the child behaves acceptable and performs all their responsibilities as expected, their parents will accept them. The child may get punished severely if they don’t obey. The child’s self-worth is tied to their performance. The child may gain a feeling of accomplishment by doing their household chores since they acquire the parent’s acceptance. A child who is raised often struggles with hurt and anger at their parents. They harbor bitterness at their parents but never act upon it. Simultaneously, the child will experience guilt and shame for feeling this way about their parents.

The adult masochist

Masochistic adults with this type of childhood are compliant individuals and often less creative. Their feelings of defeat are common. These adults may feel the need to be a martyr at work or home with self-sacrificial giving or servicing. This is to appease their feelings of martyrdom.

The weird thing about pain and masochistic personality disorder

You might like watching a movie that makes you feel scared, or riding a roller coaster because it makes you afraid, or you may enjoy eating spicy foods that hurt your tongue. This is standard human behavior, and scientists call it benign masochism. It’s labeled harmless because we know there’s no real danger involved in doing these things, which is a condition of benign masochists to experience pleasure. It’s typical behavior unless you are driven to this behavior too much.

Antisocial personalities like a masochistic personality disorder go beyond this benign behavior and can be destructive in nature. Studies show that masochistic and antisocial behaviors are connected. Often masochistic behavior predicts risk-taking and delinquent behavior in teenagers. These teens require a sensation-seeking experience. They will seem like fearless people and lean towards dangerous activities. They may find it rewarding to experience pain in their pursuits and rebuff acknowledgment or reward for what they’ve done.

Other characteristics of a masochistic personality disorder

There are other common characteristics associated with this disorder. This is just a shortlist, but you can still get an idea of what drives these individuals.

1 – Relationships

Masochists choose relationships that lead to disappointment and failure. You may have a friend who seems always to determine associations with people who hurt them or mistreat them. If you have this disorder, it’s expected that you will drift towards a bad relationship where you get mistreated even if there are other people you could choose. It’s frustrating for friends to watch, but it’s almost like the person can’t help themselves.

2 – Success

If you have a masochistic personality disorder, you will feel guilty about your achievements or success. If people acknowledge something you’ve done, you’ll respond with shame or depression. You need to feel bad about yourself. Frequently, suppose a masochistic person does succeed shortly afterward. In that case, they’ll have an experience that causes them pain, like having an accident or failing in an area that was very simple for them before.

3 – Refuses help

Another characteristic of this disorder is that you refuse any help from those around you. Inwardly, you are afraid of help because you feel you don’t deserve it but need to feel pain. It can be complicated for you to let go of your pain. It’s been your identity for so long. This is why therapy or counseling is so tricky.

4 – Self-induced rejection

The masochist may purposely do things to incite the anger or rejection of other people. They may mock their kids or spouse in public to provoke outrage. The masochist may feel ashamed of getting rejected by others even though their behavior caused it. They may be surprised by people’s reactions, yet like the pain of other rejection.

5 – Rejects acceptance

Masochists quickly grow tired of people who are nice to them. They will lose interest and reject these people out of frustration that they aren’t mean. They feel that they don’t deserve to be treated well.

6 – Can’t finish a task

Masochists find it hard to finish tasks even if they have the ability. Even though they won’t finish their stuff, they’ll help others get things done. This is because helping makes them feel accepted.

7 – Self-sacrificing people

A masochist chooses self-sacrifice at work, school, or home. They do things in excess to help others. Their actions may be seen as generous or unselfish, but it’s really out of a need to be accepted by others. If they receive any time of acknowledgment for them, the masochist will reject it and may end up causing themselves pain by failing at something else or getting hurt.

How do you know if you have masochistic traits?

There are some common traits of this type of personality that you may see in yourself or others. Here is a list of these traits that indicate your struggle with masochistic behaviors, according to PsychCentral.

Overworking: You tend to push yourself to the brink of exhaustion. You don’t set limits for yourself, but keep going until you’re ready to drop. It looks commendable but is self-destructing by nature.
You struggle with feeling loved: You try hard to be accepted. You’re the one who tries to remember everyone’s birthday or gives little gifts all the time. You do extra things to be sure to show your love, but you never feel loved by others.
You’re very critical of yourself: You push yourself to extremes to prove you are worthwhile. You feel the need to be an excellent parent, student, and co-worker. Inside your head, you’re very critical of yourself.
You find it difficult to say no: Perhaps you work hard to please people. You take on things not because you want to do them. But because you want to be well-liked and accepted.
Maybe you complain but fear trying to change things: You see something you don’t like, but you still refuse to do anything about them.
You endure pain: You feel like you should endure pain in relationships even though you may struggle with humiliation and shame.
Sometimes you feel trapped: You may feel trapped in a life of self-defeat. You may feel hopeless about your future.

How can you get help for a masochistic personality disorder diagnosis?

If you think you may be struggling with masochistic behaviors, here are some suggestions to find relief.

Counseling

You may find it hard to accept help, but a good counselor will help you understand your life patterns that are causing you pain. You can learn what triggers your behavior.

Refuse your inner critic

Learning what causes you to listen to your inner critic is vital to break free from masochistic behaviors. Understanding what it sounds like and how to refuse to give in this criticism is helpful.

Take responsibility where needed

You can learn how to be in charge of your emotions and feelings without blaming others. You may feel angry about what happened to you during your childhood. There are positive ways to express your anger in a non-self destructive way.

Grieving

You may need to grieve for your past. It can be helpful to work through your childhood hurts. It can be challenging to face these hurts, but if you’re working with a counselor, they can help you grieve with hope for your future.

Final thoughts on masochistic personality disorder

Having a distorted self-image is characteristic of a masochistic personality disorder. If you or someone you love have these tendencies, get help right away. It’s possible to break free from this self-defeating behavior to enjoy a life that’s not based on your performance.

10 Habits of People Who Won’t Settle for Less than Their Personal Best

March 25, 2021 by Power of Positivity

Giving up isn’t an option for some people. They meet challenges with an in-your-face attitude that helps them overcome even the most difficult circumstances. You may wonder what habits these people possess that keep them going.

How do you know if you’re settling for less than your best?

Look out for these behaviors.

Behavior #1 – You blame others

You’re settling for less when you blame others for your failure to pursue your best. You feel cheated by others or say if you had only had the chance, you could have done better. If you find yourself saying it’s somebody else’s fault, you may need to evaluate if you’re settling for less in your life.

Behavior #2 – You assume you’ll fail.

You never get started working towards your goal because you assume you’ll fail anyway, so there’s no reason to continue. You have a defeatist attitude that stifles your energy and drive. Ask yourself if this is you, and begin taking tiny steps to reach a goal, no matter how small. Small victories build your confidence so that you will pursue more meaningful pursuits.

Behavior #3 – You put off things

You say things like, After I get my car paid off, then I’ll save money. Everything is “after” you do this or that. Of course, the “after” never happens. So, you get stuck in a vicious cycle of always waiting and lacking motivation even to try. Begin today by doing something. If you want to lose weight, go for a walk. You don’t need to walk too long or far, get outside and walk. You’ll grow in confidence and, over time, be able to reach your goals.

Behavior #4 – You think a lot but never take action.

Too much talk and not enough action describes your life. You’re always dreaming and talking about what you want to do but never taking that first step towards your goal. Whether it’s because of fear or laziness, years go by without your pursuit of your best. Eventually, people quit listening to you. Stop talking about what you want to do and take a step towards the goal. If you’re going to travel, fill out your passport application. If you’re going to go back to school, sign up for an online class.

Behavior #5 – You don’t like successful people.

Deep inside, you’re envious of success, but you’d never admit it. You like to mock and point out why those who succeed are phonies. You feel like you’ll never be successful, so you don’t want anyone else to be successful. It’s easy to spot people like you in a crowd. They’re usually the ones who mock and scorn accomplished people. Ask yourself if you do this. If so, try to stop mocking successful people. Look at their lives and find things you can emulate to improve your life.

Here are ten habits common to individuals who refuse to settle for less

Do any of these behaviors sound familiar to you?

1 – You exercise

Almost without exception, people who don’t give up usually practice the habit of daily exercise. It may be yoga, or bike riding, or jogging, anything to get your body active. Studies found that there’s a connection between mental well-being and exercise. Exercise also increases your energy level and gives you more incredible stamina to face complicated situations you may face during the day. Try to get at least 30 minutes of exercise every day for the most benefit.

2 – Compelling vision

Tenacious people who won’t settle for less have a vision that compels them to keep going. You may be a visionary and a dreamer, but you can combine these qualities with a determination to reach your goal. The goal gives you motivation not to quit. You think about this vision every day and get the energy to keep going. You dedicate your life to reaching this goal and don’t get bogged down by difficulties or setbacks. Problems seem to spur you on even more.

3 – Get others excited about their goals

People who refuse to give up are usually good at getting others to join them in their vision. You motivate and envision others with contagious enthusiasm. Sometimes you share your goals to get others to get on board with your idea. But frequently, you enjoy talking about your vision and want others to feel the same excitement. People may encourage you to keep going or even try to dissuade you, but it doesn’t matter what people say for the tenacious person. You will pursue your goal with or without the support of others.

4 – Confidence

Those who won’t settle for less exhibit confidence. It’s not an egotistical, arrogant type of confidence, but a humble sort of confidence in yourself, knowing you are on the right track. You study and learn everything you can about what you are pursuing. If you don’t understand something related to your goal, you will get help.

Self-confidence doesn’t mean you think you know it all. It means you feel confident that you can reach your destination through hard work. If your confidence does get shaken, you don’t cave but become more confident and determined.

5 – Self-discipline

Having self-disciple is a common habit of tenacious individuals. You aren’t distracted by a lack of self-control but stick to your goals. You have self-control in several areas that make them successful, including:

Money: You make wise investments, spend money if you need it, and are disciplined to save money.
Time: You use their time wisely, not getting caught up in time-wasting situations.
Relationships: You focus on your family and close friends rather than wearing every relationship thin due to over-committing.
Focus: You don’t lose focus or get caught up in minor issues or things that aren’t within your job description.
Work with a team: You don’t micro-manage people. You have people around you that they trust. You allow people to do their job knowing the team effort will help reach the goal.

You know that today’s efforts will help you reach your goals in the future, so you stay the course with self-disciple.

6 – Flexible

Persistent people are flexible and able to adapt to changes in the pursuit of their goals. You may encounter setbacks or need to adjust your goals, but this doesn’t discourage you. If you believe in what you are pursuing, you will be flexible and ready to find a new way to accomplish the goal.

You hear stories about famous inventors who continued to try even when they failed over and over. Once they reached their destination, they often said that the failures were worth it because they learned from them.

7 – You are curious

People who refuse to settle are curious. You take the time to study, learn and wonder about things. Your curiosity motivates you to continue your growth at every stage of life. You will look for new information, ask for help, or get others’ input about your ideas and goals. You admit you don’t know it all, but you are hungry to learn as much as you can. It’s as if you want to cram as much information into your brains as they can. Of course, you may drive others crazy with questions because you’re so curious, but that’s okay.

8 – You are tenacious

Stubborn, unshakeable, preserving. No matter how you define it, people who refuse to settle for less are tenacious. You won’t give up easily. Studies show that people who are unwavering in the face of a challenging situation find it helps them have a better career, health, studies, and more opportunities.

9 – You know when to back down

This may surprise you since people who refuse to settle for less are thought to never settle for less, but a genuinely persistent person is wise enough to know what battles to fight and which ones to concede. For instance, if you want to go to college, you may decide to pursue a bachelor’s degree but not get a Master’s degree. It may look like a compromise to not seek as much education as possible, but when you don’t settle for less, you know where to invest your time and energy. You know that a Bachelor’s degree will be enough for what you want to do.

10 – You go with your gut

You listen to that still small voice inside of you. Whether you call this intuition or listening to your gut, persistent people know whether they should act or not. You take your time and listen. You evaluate what you should do next. You don’t shy away from risk, but you find your comfort level of risk. Persistent people ask questions, look at all sides to get a good feel of what they’re about to do.

Final thoughts on refusing to settle for less than your personal best

People who refuse to settle for less have everyday habits they’ve incorporated into their lives. They pursue their goals with enthusiasm and confidence. They have self-disciple and find time every day to exercise. When they meet challenges, they don’t get give up, but they know when to try another avenue.

Even if they feel discouraged, it won’t keep them down for long. Tenacious people get input and learn from others because they’re humble enough to know they need help to reach their goals. If you want to refuse to settle for less, try incorporating some of these habits into your own life.

You may not be able to do all of them, but even a couple can change the way you live. Your life is worth living to its fullest potential, so find encouragement and strength from others who are on the same path as you to see their personal best rather than settling for less.

10 Traits That Determine Someone’s Attractiveness

March 25, 2021 by Power of Positivity

You’ve probably heard the adage that beauty was only skin deep while growing up. There is a great deal of truth to that saying because many things define your attractiveness. What you see on the outside is only one facet of the person.

There are so many things that you cannot see on the inside, which can make even an ugly duckling look like a radiant beauty. Have you ever been poorly judged by someone because they only take your looks at face value? However, when they learn your personality and how you relate to others, your inner beauty shines to the outside.

You’ve been told that you should never judge a book by its cover, and this statement is true. The cover is just one representation, but you must get to the inside to find the real story. Very few people look like fashion model dolls or have superstar appearances, as it’s just not realistic.

The world is full of average Joes and women who don’t fit into the size two cookie-cutter mold. Thankfully, you don’t need to be anyone other than you for people to see your attractiveness. Everyone has qualities they possess that make them beautiful, but sometimes you got to peel back the layers to discover them.

What Defines Attractiveness?

Numerous things help to define your level of attractiveness. For some, it’s the ability to cook like a Southern Belle, but others are drawn to those who can tell a good joke. You must remember that the color of your eyes or hair is only one part of your story. Here are a few things that people consider when saying someone is desirable.

1. Your Personality

What is a personality? Your personality is made up of distinctive patterns of opinions, thoughts, and manners that make you unique. It’s thought that temperament evolves from within the person and stays constant during their life.

According to the National Institute of Health, your personality has genetic components. So, it’s likely that you have similar demeanors to one or both of your parents.

2. Your Smile

When someone looks at you, do they see a bright smile or a scowl? You can rest assured that no one is going to think someone who is always frowning looks attractive. A smile makes you emit positivity, and it makes others trust you more.

When you smile, you’re breaking down barriers and showing people that you’re a warm and friendly person. Plus, studies conducted by Penn State University show that smiling is infectious. It’s hard to be in the same room with someone beaming and not smile in return.

3. How You Treat Others

How you treat others is always a significant indication of inner beauty. Are you close to your parents or other family members and treat them with respect? Do you go out of your way to open the door for a stranger?

Do you volunteer at soup kitchens and other civic duties throughout your community? Giving back to those older or in need shows that you’re sunny on the inside. Life’s journey is not about taking everything for yourself; it’s about giving back and making this world a better place to live.

A potential partner may find attractiveness in your efforts to help others and give to those less fortunate.

4. Your Intellect

Though there’s a long-standing thought that some people are only interested in the mind, it does add to your appeal. The fine art of communication takes lots of practice, but you can increase this art by conversing about many subjects.

When you read books, engage with your studies, and are always eager to learn more, it’s desirable to others. Someone with intellect, which is a smart cookie, is appealing. There’s nothing worse than trying to have a conversation with someone, and they do not know about the topic.

5. Your Happiness

A smile is one way that someone can see you’re happy, but when you’re genuinely excited, it’s a joy that exudes from you. It’s effortless to tell someone who’s satisfied from someone miserable. A happy person has a warmth about them that seems infectious.

This person can make you feel better even when everything seems to be falling apart. They are the kind of individuals you want to build a life with because they make the world a better place.

6. Your Eyes

Have you ever heard that the eyes are the window to the soul? Deep inside, you have darkness or light. When you’re right on the inside, your eyes light up and show the radiance of purity.

Looking deep into someone’s eyes tells the truth about their core. Your eyes can be beautiful to others, and it’s not because of a gorgeous color or long lashes either. It’s only because they allow a gaze into the internal makings and show the world a glimpse of your beauty inside.

7. The Way You Carry Yourself

A lady can put on an inexpensive dress and look like a million bucks. Yet, some women can put on a dress that costs thousands of dollars, and it looks like a rag on her. It all depends on how you carry yourself.

When you walk into a room, do you have a commanding presence, or do your tower in the corner and look frumpy? If you had your choice between two dates, would you want the one who has herself together and seems to be in control, or do you want the one that carries the weight of the world on her shoulders and a scowl on her face?

No one wants to be with someone who can’t carry themselves well. Your persona can make others very attracted to you.

8. Your Singing Voice

Think of some of the greatest singers of all time. What was it about them that made the masses flock to concerts to hear them belt out a tune? It wasn’t as much about what was on the outside, but their voice could make them irresistible to others, according to a lively conversation on Quora.

Remember legends like Nat King Cole and his daughter Natalie Cole? They had two of the greatest voices to grace a stage. Their tones were soothing and made you feel warm and fuzzy all over. People would fall in love with them just for their voice, so part of their attractiveness was all about their talent.

9. The Ability to Make Others Feel Their Best

Have you ever met someone, sat down to talk to them, and you felt like you’ve known them your entire life? There’s something special about this person that makes you feel like you could talk all night.

It’s lovely to be warm and compassionate towards others. They don’t judge people for past mistakes, and they’re always encouraging others to put their best foot forward. See, having a gorgeous figure or the right clothes means little if you can’t sit down and engage with a person because they make you feel horrible.

10. Your Sense of Humor

There’s something magical about a person that has a sense of humor. Who can forget legends like Robin Williams? He was a man that could have you in tears with his stand-up acts in a matter of minutes.

Williams knew how to work for the crowd, and people found him infectious. He started his journey as a comedian and ended up doing movies for all ages. Most didn’t know that he was hiding deep pain inside that came from a life of regrets.

Remember the old commercial for deodorants that said you should never let anyone see you sweat? Well, Williams lived by that motto. Even though everything on the inside was a mess, he never let it show on the outside.

People want a life partner that makes mundane tasks like going to the grocery store seem fun. So, your sense of humor is a big part of the overall package that is you.

Things That Aren’t Attractive to Others

Now that you know all the lovely things to others, what about the things that aren’t so alluring? Here is a list of the most significant turn-offs that people avoid.

•Bragging

•Negative self-talk

•Poor hygiene

•Bad manners

•Sloppy dressing

•Overbearing personality

•Those who can’t take constructive criticism

•Hot tempers

•Uncaring and unkind towards others

•Jealous behaviors

•Self-absorbed

•Liars

•Cheaters

•Judgmental nature

•Being constantly late

•Passive-aggressive nature

•One-uppers

•Being rude to waitstaff

•Manipulative crying

•Aggressive driving or road rage

•Excessive teasing

•Gossiping

Final Thoughts on Attractiveness

You know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. While everyone wants to have runway model looks, very few can achieve those results naturally.

Finding an attractive person is about much more than the clothes they wear or the car they drive; it’s about finding someone right on the inside and the out. So don’t get too hung up on living up to that unattainable definition of attractiveness.

Psychology Explains The Impact of Toxic Positivity in Your Life

March 25, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

You might have read this title and wondered what toxic positivity is.

We all know about the importance of positive thinking. It’s crucial for managing stressful or difficult situations, moving forward despite hardship, and even achieving success in many different areas of life.

But what happens when that positive thinking is taken to an extreme? What happens when it loses its nuance and becomes a blanket statement that means no one should ever express any negative thoughts or feelings at all?

This kind of “positivity” is prevalent on social media, especially among so-called lifestyle gurus or spiritual influencers. There seems to be an idea that you have to be positive all the time. Is that possible? Of course not! This mindset is a very negative and harmful one. To help you understand, let’s answer a few questions.

Here’s What You Should Know About Toxic Positivity

What is toxic positivity, and how does it affect us?

1. What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity refers to an assumption and a mindset that you should be maintaining an entirely positive attitude and mindset no matter how complex or painful a situation is. It’s a simplified and decontextualized version of the real-life advice of transformative thinking, where negative thoughts can be assessed, understood, worked on, and transformed into positive ones.

But toxic positivity lacks any of that real-life nuance. It insists on positive vibes only, all the time. It insists that other people have it worse, so you have no right to feel this way. Finally, it insists that all the bad things that happen to you are entirely your fault because you weren’t positive enough.

You may have seen a lot of examples of toxic positivity in your life.

Here are a few examples:

Loved ones telling you to stop complaining and be grateful
Popular influencers implying that depression is a mindset that you can leave behind effortlessly
People refusing to be empathetic; if they can be happy, you can too
Social media posts or memes telling you to change the way you look at the world
An insinuation that you don’t have anxiety. You need to do some yoga and chill out
People telling you that everything happens for a reason, so you should be content regardless
The idea that happiness is a choice and you can choose happiness
Any complaints or expressions of emotion you feel being taken as intentional negativity

2. Toxic Positivity Forces Emotional Suppression

To forcefully be positive, even when it’s almost impossible, you will have to suppress many negative emotions. But suppressing emotions is extremely bad for you. When you say, “I’m fine, and everything is great,” when you are thinking, “I’m hurting very badly and am having trouble coping,” you worsen the negativity.

The ability to articulate true feelings with words, expressions, body language, emotes like crying, and general reflection is key to regulating and managing emotions. It’s also key to a more balanced stress response.

No matter how well you think you’re hiding your feelings, those emotions remain in your brain until they are addressed. In the meantime, they decay, grow more robust, and manifest in ways you may not be expecting.

Accepting and naming emotions is known to help them, not harm them. As such, toxic positivity stops you from regulating your feelings at all. Here are some studies that show how bad emotional suppression is for you and why it is wholly ineffective and managing strong feelings:

“Paradoxical effects of thought suppression” published in Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (1987).

This study was one of the most famous that brought attention to the concept of paradoxical and counterproductive results from suppressing thoughts. It involved many experiments, but the key one is this. Individuals were told to verbalize a five-minute stream of consciousness while intentionally not thinking of a white bear.

They would give a signal if they did think of or mention a white bear, and it was quickly shown that they did think of this bear quite often. The second task was to think about the white bear for five minutes before suppressing the thought again – and this led to even more failures! As it turns out, experiencing something and then being told to not think about it and focus elsewhere actually doesn’t work at all and only worsens the likelihood that you’ll think about it.

“Hiding feelings: the acute effects of inhibiting negative and positive emotion” published in Journal of Abnormal Psychology (1997).

This landmark study involved the division of participants into two separate testing groups. All participants were then monitored for stress responses while they were shown disturbing films of medical procedures.

The responses tested for were sweat production, heart rate, and pupil dilation, among others. The difference? One group was told to show their emotions openly, while the other was told to hide them and behave as if nothing was affecting them. Those who suppressed their feelings to act “normal” were shown to have a significantly higher stress response – their hidden feelings were secretly bubbling up inside them, despite their positive outward appearance!

“The Ability to Regulate Emotion is Associated with Greater Well-Being, Income, and Socioeconomic Status” published in Emotion (2014).

In this research paper, experts review the literature and discuss current and past evidence regarding emotional regulation. Emotional regulation refers to the ability to process, accept, and manage emotions on a reasonable scale – a positive trait born from emotional acceptance instead of repression.

All around, those who perform positive levels of emotional regulation have been determined to enjoy a better lifestyle from the standpoint of income, wellbeing, and socioeconomic viewpoints. Those who are more reactive and have difficulty managing their feelings tend to wind up in worse situations.

3. Toxic Positivity Stops Us From Growing

Want to learn and grow as a person? Then you can’t deny reality. Toxic positivity forces you to create a fake world in your head where you feel fine, and nothing affects you. Meanwhile, your mistakes are eating you up, and you’re making them again and again, hurting those around you as you fall into destructive patterns and cycles.

What’s the solution here, then? You need to accept negative feelings and process them to learn and grow from them. Thinking about the truth of how you feel and reflecting on those emotions can help you to improve yourself.

You’ll learn these truths:

What the roots of these feelings are
How you can manage these feelings
What the triggers of your emotions were
How you can better respond to triggers in the future
How you can prevent similar occurrences

If you only focus on toxic positivity, you won’t be able to think about these bad times, and you’ll miss out on all the valuable lessons that it could teach you.

4. Toxic Positivity Makes Us Feel Ashamed

Toxic positivity can cause a lot of feelings of guilt and shame, especially if you feel like:

You have no right to feel negative feelings
Something is wrong with you for feeling negative feelings.
You have to put on a mask of positivity, or else.
Even normal, basic emotions are automatically bad if they’re negative.

These kinds of thoughts easily lead to guilt, building things like denial and secrets in the background. You forget that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes and that it’s a normal, natural reaction to negative circumstances to feel not-too-great about them.

No one should feel ashamed of how they feel. Having emotions, to begin with is an inherently beautiful thing! It makes you human, and it means you’re alive and that your brain is functioning well and telling you the information you need.

Worse still, toxic positivity often affects your ability to feel normal emotions. You begin to stunt yourself and consider even the most basic negative feelings to be wrong by default, so you block out everything. The result is your former self’s shell, incapable of feeling things that you need to feel. Those things you’ve blocked out will always exist and will eat away at you slowly, and you won’t even be able to access them without significant effort or professional help.

Long story short? Don’t let yourself be cowed or shamed into pretending you don’t have human emotions. It is healthy to feel whatever comes naturally during difficult times. Putting pressure on yourself to be positive will only make all that positive thinking fake, whereas learning to understand your negative feelings and validating them has a better chance of boosting genuine positivity.

5. Toxic Positivity Damages Relationships

In close relationships, all parties do their best to support each other, lend a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, or validate and be there for one another. Toxic positivity prevents this from happening, and it can alienate those you love and care about. This is because you may do these things:

Display inauthenticity by pretending to be happy when you aren’t and that inauthenticity bleeds into everything you do
Become dismissive of other people’s feelings and invalidate them in the guise of encouraging positivity
Miss out on supportive bonding opportunities with those around you
Begin to force others to behave in a pre-specified, overtly positive way, even when they don’t want to
May feel expected to put on a positive act for those around you, making your relationships less authentic
Bury emotions may manifest in moments where you lash out or behave negatively with others
Block out others and make them uncomfortable sharing things with you while preventing them from being themselves in your presence.

Relationships need honesty and truth to flourish and stay healthy. By demanding positivity from those around you and putting on a positive act, you’re creating a farce that will be damaging in the long run. Your relationships can’t continue to grow if everyone is hiding something.

Final Thoughts On What Toxic Positivity Is And How It Affects Us

Toxic positivity helps no one. While positive thinking is good for you, you can’t be happy all the time. Life isn’t constantly sunshine and rainbows, and it can feel very invalidating to have your emotions dismissed in favor of some faux happiness.

Instead of giving in to toxic positivity, live your truth. Allow yourself to experience negative emotions, then work through them. Positivity lies in your ability to continue moving forward and your capability to survive, not in any fake expressions of positive vibes.

Innovative Kenyan Woman Turns Plastic Waste into Building Materials

March 25, 2021 by Kristen Lawrence

An innovative engineer from Kenya transformed plastic headed for landfills into durable building materials. Nzambi Matee, an entrepreneur and materials engineer, felt inspired to reduce plastic pollution in her country. Gjenge Makers turns plastic waste from commercial facilities into bricks that can hold twice the weight threshold of concrete. Based in Nairobi, Kenya, the innovative company hopes to tackle the huge plastic waste pollution problem in the country. A study by the National Environmental Management Agency (NEMA) discovered plastic in over 50% of cattle’ stomachs in Kenya’s urban areas. To remedy this, the Kenyan government prohibited the use of plastic bags beginning in 2017. They also enacted a ban on single-use plastic in protected natural areas in 2020. Unfortunately, commercial waste continues to cause problems in Kenya since the bans only apply to consumers. Nzambi told Reuters reporters that she got “tired of being on the sidelines” and came up with her own solution. With a background in materials engineering, she designed bricks composed of recycled plastic and sand. She then compressed and heated the materials to develop a durable, eco-friendly concrete alternative. Because of the plastic’s fibrous structure, it weighs much less than concrete; it’s surprisingly much stronger, too. Matee told Reuters about her innovative company’s pavers and bricks:

“Our product is almost five to seven times stronger than concrete.”

To obtain plastic, she buys some from recycling companies and gets the rest for free from local packaging factories. She says that currently, the Gjenge Makers factory can produce a maximum of 1,500 bricks each day.

The company makes bricks from a variety of plastics. These include:

high-density polyethylene, commonly used in items like milk and shampoo bottles;
low-density polyethylene, often used in bags for cereal or sandwiches;
and polypropylene, used for ropes, flip-top lids, and buckets.

However, she doesn’t utilize polyethylene terephthalate or PET, often used for plastic bottles.

What the innovative company has accomplished so far and plans to do in the future

The company offers pavers for both commercial and residential purposes. For commercial uses such as roads and areas with heavy machinery, companies can choose the heavy-duty 60 mm paver. The moderate duty paver measures 40 mm thick and can serve commercial areas as well. The 30 mm light-duty paver is more suitable for residential patios and footpaths. Twice the strength of concrete, the light-duty paver comes in many different colors that can be used in making home great designs like sunroom enclosures.

While the company got its start only four years ago, it’s already recycled around 20 tons of plastic since then. It also created 120 jobs in Nairobi, which boosts the economy in the area. Also, Gjenge Makers’ bricks are an affordable option compared to others on the market. They cost around $7.70 per square meter, compared to about $98 per square yard for concrete in the U.S. Matee wants to triple capacity by adding another larger production line. She also hopes to break even by the year’s end. She started the factory once she realized the government wouldn’t take action on the plastic pollution issue. Innovative people like Matee give us hope for the future, and remind us that we can make a difference. If you’d like to find out more about Gjenge Makers, check out their website or YouTube channel.

Plastic pollution problem in Kenya compared to developed nations.

Most people have become aware of the growing plastic pollution crisis all over the world. However, developing countries such as Kenya often suffer the most because of massive exports from western nations. Not to mention, countries like Kenya have been expanding their plastic industry due to a lack of viable alternatives. In wealthier nations like the U.S., other options are more accessible. Poorer nations like Kenya also lack the infrastructure to manage plastic waste properly. They also don’t have the funds to export it to other nations for processing, so these countries become overburdened. Plastic ends up littering waterways, roads, fields, and animal habitats. It even ends up in the front yards of people’s homes and animal feeds. Even though Kenya has strict laws against plastic pollution, lack of oversight and proper waste management exacerbates it.

Kenya cannot enforce the littering laws they have on the books.

Kenya passed a law that prohibits the production, selling, or use of plastic bags. Violators can face up to four years in prison or a $40,000 fine. Before the ban went into effect in 2017, Kenya produced about 4,000 tons of plastic each month. Supermarkets alone offered around 100 million bags to customers, and only half of them ended up in the trash. This means over 50 million bags entered waterways, roads, or other areas, which pose a risk to people and wildlife. In fact, about three out of ten animals in Kenya’s slaughterhouses had plastic in their stomachs. Also, plastic bag accumulation in places like Kibera, a Kenyan slum, led to several million micro-habitats for mosquitoes to breed. In turn, malaria cases increased dramatically due to illegal littering and dumping of plastic and other trash. Because of these devastating consequences, the Kenyan government finally took action on the plastic problem. However, innovative entrepreneurs like Matee know that citizens must do their part as well. We can’t just leave the problem for government officials to solve. Of course, reducing the consumption of plastic products will have the largest effect. However, recycling and reusing plastic, as Gjenge Makers does, also positively impact the environment.

Final thoughts: an innovative company in Kenya turns plastic into building materials

Gjenge Makers, a building material company in Kenya, transforms plastic waste into bricks for commercial and residential use. The company got started in 2017, recycling around 20 tons of plastic to date. It also helped the local economy by creating 120 jobs. Unfortunately, developing countries like Kenya bear the brunt of the plastic problem due to inadequate infrastructure. Not to mention, wealthy countries export plastic to these nations, compounding the pollution issue. However, it seems that countries around the world, including the U.S., now understand the severity of the problem. Hopefully, in the future, we can create all products using repurposed plastic or other safer alternatives.

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