Page 253

Psychologist Explains How to Fight Negative Thoughts by “Decentering”

May 21, 2022 by Chris Butler

It’s only human to recognize your feelings, thoughts, and memories, whether positive or negative. Unfortunately, you may spend an extraordinary amount of time focusing on the negative to understand them better. When you learn how to decenter yourself, it can help you fight negative thoughts.

Do you sometimes ruminate over past hurts and failures, almost like a perpetual loop playing in your brain? Although reflecting and learning from negative experiences can be beneficial, too much can overwhelm you with negative energy. Such energy-zapping thought patterns can link to depression and anxiety.

The Pitfalls of Negativity Bias

Experts still don’t fully understand negativity bias, which is the human habit of focusing on negativity and positivity. Unfortunately, this bias can create skewed opinions and thought patterns that aren’t reality-based. If you allow this to go unchecked, your pessimism can attract more negativity into your life.

• Living with Yourself

Philosophers throughout the ages have pondered the concept of the triunity of humans, being body, mind, and spirit. While you are a single individual, each of your three components has independent characteristics and duties. Yet, they work together to complete you.

While you may have someone who resembles you, there will never be another you in this entire world. You’re wonderfully and uniquely created. So, are your mind and spirit ultimately confined in the recesses of your mortal body, or can they act separately?

It may seem like a metaphysical question, but it does make sense. What did the person who invented the phrase “to think outside of the box” mean? Many psychologists and other experts believe it’s possible to metaphorically separate yourself from your perceptions and the thoughts and ideas they form.

You probably use this example daily when you mention “I” and “myself” as different entities. For example, you may say, “I’m just beside myself with anger.” How can you learn to be more objective regarding your perceptions and the resulting attitude and reactions?

It takes determination, open-mindedness, and a positive attitude to fight negative thoughts that stand in your way. Seeing yourself as others do can be your first step in the right direction.

Distancing or Decentering to Fight Negative Thoughts

How can you deal with these uncomfortable feelings and memories without creating an emotional storm? Although you can’t change the hurdles of the past, how can you fight negative thoughts and let them go? Many people have learned to practice decentering to bolster positive thinking, self-esteem, and spiritual healing.

In the past, mental health professionals promoted “distancing” from the thoughts and feelings that overly stress you. Today, the same concept is called decentering. In other words, you take a deep breath, step back, and become an observer rather than the subject.

The American Psychological Association defines this technique as not concentrating on one aspect of a situation and considering “the big picture” instead. You train yourself to take a step back from yourself and your circumstances. It’s a unique way to gain a new perspective and fight negative thoughts.

How can you not take it personally when someone hurts or blames you for past failures and shortcomings? Let’s say your boss chose to promote a coworker over you, and you’ve been with the company for much longer than this individual. Understandably, you’d feel slighted by the boss and resentful of your coworker.

If you decenter in this situation, it doesn’t mean that you’re ignoring your anger and hurt feelings. Instead, you decide to back away from the issue and try to empathize with your boss’s decision. As a distanced observer, you may realize that your coworker still had more experience, and that’s why the boss decided to promote them.

How to Fight Negative Thoughts by Decentering Yourself

Not one size fits all when decentering and learning to be objective about yourself and fight negative thoughts. Here are four basic ways that will give you a broader view. Choose one or a combination that works best for you.

1. Use Spatial Distance

Have you ever been overly critical of yourself, and a compassionate friend told you that you were too close to the situation? Unfortunately, it’s human nature for people to be their own worst critics. However, you’ll also tend to be protective of yourself and your achievements because they’re part of you.

Using spatial distancing allows you to decenter and observe. Sometimes, you may discover that the negative feelings may not be warranted. As an observer, you may see angles you couldn’t as the subject, fighting negative emotions.

2. Use Objective Distance to Fight Negative Thoughts

Sometimes when you’re in the middle of a complex problem, you may consider your mentors and others you admire. You may even ask yourself, “what would they do if they were in my shoes?” You can fight negative thoughts as you consider their positive traits and actions.

Instead of being at the center of conflict, you remove yourself to become that objective mentor. Of course, none of this should trivialize your feelings or lose your identity. It’s an empathetic step that gives you pause to separate what is valid and what is an emotional blindfold.

3. Use Temporary Distance

Suppose you’re in a hurtful or embarrassing situation at this moment. How could you briefly set aside emotions and subjectivity to see it as others? Another helpful decentering tactic is to be an imaginary time traveler and focus as if the event was in the past or future.

How would you feel and react if this sudden issue were several years ago? Time doesn’t heal wounds, but it often provides different perspectives. If you project the situation into the future, what have you learned from the past that would help you fight negative thoughts today?

Another possible benefit of temporary distance is that you take more time to think before acting. You consider different options and weigh the pros and cons. Such wise decision habits give you more confidence and a positive outcome.

4. Use Hypothetical Distance to Fight Negative Thoughts

Dr. Jim Taylor discusses the philosophical connection between perception and reality. While your perception may be a reality, it doesn’t make it so. Per Dr. Taylor, how you perceive things often determines how you process, remember and act upon reality.

Decentering hypothetically may allow you to understand that what you perceive isn’t always the accurate picture. Try to be open-minded, challenge your perceptions, and see if they are based on reality. Being open to other perspectives may encourage you to modify yours and be more positive.

Consider Meditation to Decenter and Fight Negative Thoughts

Part of adopting a more mindful lifestyle is to realize that everything isn’t about you. Humans innately form a fixed view of themselves and others when it’s often not grounded. Learning to decenter by meditation helps you question those views and open yourself to change.

1. Find Your Sanctuary

Whether it’s a spare room or a quiet corner somewhere in your house, designate a sacred space that’s your own. Sit or lie down and be aware of each cleansing breath. As you transcend into more profound relaxation, let your mind focus on being present and not worrying about anything else.

2. Bring up a Memory

Now that you’re in tune with your inner voice and spirit try to recall an incident that brought negative emotions. Were you angry, sad, frightened, or confused? Honestly and compassionately acknowledge these emotions.

3. Stay Briefly in the Center

As the subject, notice the thoughts that may start racing through your mind without judgment. Now, recognize your physical responses, such as the tightened gut and clenched teeth. Acknowledge these feelings and slowly bring your focus back to breathing.

4. Step Out of Yourself

One of the goals of transcendental meditation is to allow your consciousness to leave your body and become a silent observer. Surround yourself with healing breaths and light and see how your misperceptions may have hurt you rather than helped. Be willing to change your attitude, and it can help you fight negative feelings.

5. Record Your Thoughts

Keeping a meditation journal is a superb way of tracking your emotion and spiritual growth. Write down any sensation or thought that you had during your quiet time. Reading past entries can inspire you to keep looking for more positive energy.

Try this decentering meditation whenever you feel negative energy or stifling emotions from the past. It may encourage you to release unfounded feelings and beliefs that no longer work for you.

Final Thoughts on Decentering Your Mind to Fight Negative Thoughts

The Universe is an infinite space where positive and negative energy co-exist. However, clinging to pessimistic thought patterns can send negative affirmations into the Universe that will attract more of the same. Learning how to decenter and be more objective will teach you how to change and attract more blessings.

Psychology Explains How to Declare Your Love to Someone Without Fear

May 21, 2022 by Chris Butler

Why is it so hard to declare love to the person who stole your heart? For many folks, it’s the fear of rejection. If you show your vulnerabilities and make such a bold statement, there’s always the chance it won’t be well received.

What if the person isn’t head over heels about you, and you get rejected? Many individuals don’t know how to say they love someone, especially when a relationship is at stake. Once you cross that proverbial line from friends to lovers, there’s no turning back.

Fear is a big reason so many try to keep their feelings a secret, at least until they know the other person feels the same way. If you keep putting off how you feel, then it’s going to make you miserable. Every time you see this person, your heart will skip a beat, and you will feel butterflies in your stomach.

Still, many find that it feels like ripping a Band-Aid off a wound when you declare your love, and there’s instant relief. The situation has much to do with your feelings, as each instance and the people involved differ.

Saying “I Love You” Doesn’t Come Naturally to Everyone

Some folks can roll those three famous words off their tongue like it’s nothing, but others have a hard time with the emotional vulnerability of it all. When you let your guard down, you feel very exposed and raw. At this point, you’re the most vulnerable, and you’re afraid someone will take advantage of you and your heart.

Much of these feelings stem from your childhood. For instance, if you grew up in a home where you told your parents how much they meant to you before bed each night, then it’s probably not going to be that big of a deal. However, if you grew up in a home where emotions were rarely shown and people didn’t declare their love daily, you’re going to have a challenging time saying such things.

It didn’t mean that your parents didn’t love you, but they didn’t feel that words of affirmation were that important. Again, your parents were molded by what they learned, so if your grandparents aren’t emotionally open, they might pass down that trait. Don’t beat yourself up because someone can bump their shopping cart into another person and fall in love, and you’ve classified yourself as a cold fish.

Everyone is different. Your ability to love and be loved is no different than anyone else’s, but you must learn how to express yourself appropriately.

Overcoming Feelings of Unworthiness

Many times, people feel like they’re unworthy of being loved. This can come from an abusive background, failed past relationships, or significant upheaval in your life. You should know that every person on this earth is lovable, no matter where you’ve been or what you’ve done.

People who have low self-esteem often find uttering these words difficult. Even if the other party tells you they love you first, you may still find it challenging to get these sentiments out of your mouth. You need to learn to love yourself before you can ever love anyone else, and you need to know that everyone has flaws, but they’re still loveable.

You’re just as worthy of love as the next person. If you’ve done some bad things in the past or haven’t been so good in relationships, there’s nothing to say you won’t be different this time. It takes two people to mess up a relationship, and things may be perfect for you this time.

Five Ways to Declare Your Love Without Fear

When you declare love to someone, the key is to get the nerves under control. Maybe you need to meditate before telling them, or perhaps, you need some wine and good food to loosen you up.

Whatever it takes to get you to let down your guard and subdue your fears, you need to do it. Here are some ways that you can declare your love without being fearful. Sometimes, an icebreaker is all you need.

1. Declare Your Love by Giving Flowers

Maybe saying those words face-to-face is just too much for you to handle. So, it would be best to allow a card on the flowers to say how you feel. Flowers put anyone in a good mood, and if you know your person’s favorite bouquet, it will surprise them even more.

You don’t have to go overboard with the card; you can say something like, “It’s time I tell you that I love you.” You can sit back and wait for the call. This takes the pressure off you and puts the ball in your court. It’s up to them to say whether they love you too or want to be friends.

2. A Romantic Dinner Can Set the Stage to Declare Your Love

You don’t need a special occasion to declare your love for someone, as this is a significant milestone in a relationship. Both men and women love a good dinner with candles and plenty of ambiance. Many folks like to make a big production of the first time they say, “I love you,” and they will celebrate this day to infinity.

If you’re a couple that will remember all these little anniversaries, then a nice dinner in a memorable spot is the way to go.

3. Keep it About Love, and Don’t Make Future Promises

Often, individuals expect this declaration to follow a promise of life and commitment, but it doesn’t have to have all these additional connotations. You can tell someone how you feel without saying you will love them to infinity and beyond.

You don’t have to promise marriage or give a ring. Just telling someone how special they are to you doesn’t need to be any more than that. Many people express struggles in this department because it feels dishonest. When he wanted to tell someone how he felt, it didn’t always mean he was ready for the next step or a serious commitment.

4. Make Sure It’s The Right Time

Unless you’re off in the left field, most people know when there’s something extraordinary between you and the person you love. Though your heart can mislead you sometimes, you have a good indication of whether this person feels the same way.

Love is one of the most terrifying emotions you experience, leaving you vulnerable. If you’re romantic, you probably see fireworks, shades of pink and red, and growing old with someone when you think about love. However, everyone won’t see things the way you do, which can cause issues.

There might not be a fantastic fireworks display, or there could be one that rivals the 4th of July. The key is to make sure you’re not rushing things. It’s not wise to make such declarations soon after you start dating, or the chances of being turned down are more significant.

5. Be Yourself

You want someone to love and care about you for who you are, so you need to show that to them when you declare your love. You feel you need to be everything the other party wants and more. However, you must be honest above all else.

If you start a relationship with false impressions of yourself or not being 100 percent honest, it can cause you many issues. Remember, you want to receive love for who you are, so that needs to be good enough.

You don’t need fancy dinners, candles, flowers, and gifts that cost more than you can afford to declare your love to someone. All you need is just to be yourself and show them how wonderful a gift you’re to have in this life.

Final Thoughts on How to Declare Your Love Boldly and Without Fear

Once you put your feelings on the line, you’ll expect a reply with the same sentiments. However, some folks need a little more time to make such a declaration. According to Little Things, some people are cautious about uttering those three words.

The good news is that once they feel safe enough to say them to you, you know how hard it was for them and how much they mean it. While you may be ready to declare your love, someone else may need more time. You must have realistic expectations of the outcome, even if it’s not what you want.

You must remember that this person’s background and previous relationships dictate a lot to the situation. If they declared their love way too soon, they might be slightly leery of repeating it. While you should never hide your feelings, tell everyone but the person, and think that you need to make a lifetime commitment with your declaration, you do need to have patience.

If you feel true love, there’s no need to rush things. Let everything happen naturally. After all, this could be your soulmate and the one your heart will love forever.

Enjoy the Stunning Work of a Modern Batik Artist

May 21, 2022 by Kristen Lawrence

Annie Phillips, a Batik artist from London, creates stunning art enjoyed by people around the world. Batik is her greatest passion in life, and she’s thankful to make a living doing what she loves most.

What is Batik?

Batik art involves creating colorful designs and patterns on various fabrics using wax-resistant dye. This traditional dyeing method is common in Indonesia, Sri Lanka, India, Singapore, the Philippines, Nigeria, and Malaysia. Perhaps the most widely known version of batik comes from Indonesia, on the island of Java. The word batik comes from the Javanese word ‘amba,’ meaning write, and ‘tik,’ which means dot.

How does a Batik artist create this unique art?

Batik art involves different dyes and fabrics like cotton, wool, silk, and other natural fabrics. The artist will first wash the cloth to eliminate starch and beat the fabric with a wooden hammer to produce batik art. Next, the Batik artist will use pencils to mark off areas of fabric where the dye will go. Then, they cover the fabric with hot wax, usually made of bee wax or paraffin.

To pour the wax, artists use a tool that resembles a pen called a canting. They use a brush or a tool called a cap to cover larger areas. Then, the Batik artist pours various colored dyes over the wax. This dying and waxing process gets repeated to create more complex, beautiful designs.

The Batik artist employs discharge dyeing, stencils, and etching to make these intricate designs. After the final coat of dye is applied, the Batik artist removes the wax. Sometimes, this process can take up to a year before the cloth becomes ready to use.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Annie Phillips: Art For Living (@annieartliving)

The global appeal and history of Batik art

The original batik of Indonesia had declined in popularity until it was rediscovered in the 21st century. Batik artists worldwide create items like traditional clothing, framed art prints, household decor, and more. Besides Indonesia, it’s become popular in the US, Europe, and other countries colonized by the Dutch.

By far, the US consumes more Indonesian Batik art than anywhere else. About 37% of traditional batik textiles get exported to the US. Batik exports from Indonesia have increased from $22 million in 2010 to around $340 million in 2014. Clearly, the market is hot for Batik artists, especially those from Indonesia! Other countries like India, China, Sri Lanka, Singapore, and Malaysia also produce and export batik clothing worldwide.

Batik prints have evolved from being worn as solely traditional clothing to become fashion statements around the world. Batik combines simple designs with colorful patterns to create an art form that’s versant and unique. The beauty of Batik art can brighten up homes and offices, adding color and life to any room. Whether it’s framed on a wall, stitched as curtains or pillow covers, or adorning your coffee mug, Batik art adds simple beauty to the world.

The UNESCO acknowledged Indonesian batik as an Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity in October 2009. This designation makes it “internationally recognized as a historical fabric of human civilization.”

Annie’s journey as a modern Batik artist

“I was in my early 20s, I was very lost, I was very low, I was very fed up, and I just thought I’ll create something like a visual diary of my existence,” Annie said. “So, on Monday I created flowers, on Tuesday, I created an abstract, by the end of the week, I’d created 7 pieces of artwork, and that made me feel good.”

“And, I think the reason I am an artist is because creating still makes me feel good. I’m an abstract Batik artist, and being an abstract artist is what excites me most. When you’re an abstract artist, you don’t know where you’re going; you’re not trying to replicate something in your head. You’re trying to explore something in your being, and it’s a magical mystery with destination unknown, and that’s what excites me.”

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Annie Phillips: Art For Living (@annieartliving)

Most artists would agree that the fun of creating art lies in the process itself. It’s not about rushing to the finish line or trying to prove anything to yourself or others. Art serves as an expression of emotions, of inspiration; it’s a way of conveying what words often cannot. Annie always sets the bar higher but doesn’t put too much pressure on herself.

“I’m motivated to carry on creating after all these years because I can still see myself improve. I want to get better, and I can see that I am getting better now. I can see I’ve still got a long way to go. But I so enjoy seeing myself jump over hurdles and meet certain challenges, and get better at a craft I absolutely love,” she says.

“My work doesn’t aim to say something in the literal sense, but what it aims to do is inspire people to create and to make people feel joyous. And I want, when people look at my work, to feel good like I feel when I create it.”

Here’s her advice for anyone wanting to become a Batik artist (or any artist):

“Don’t wait for inspiration, don’t worry, don’t try. Just start, play, with no destination. Just see where you end up, but start. Inspiration will follow, flow will follow, joy will follow, fun will follow – lots of wonderful marvels, amazing things, but you have to start.”

Final thoughts on the Batik artist who creates beautiful, unique works of art

A Batik artist living in London, Annie Phillips makes the world a little brighter with her stunning art. She’s always been an artist, but art gave her life a new trajectory in her early twenties. She began drawing each day to see where it took her. Years later, she’s still creating art because it brings so much meaning to her life.

She even sells her artwork on the home decor site Society 6. Make sure to check out her work if you’d like to spruce up your home or office area!

Highly Sensitive People Need These 3 Things for True Happiness

May 20, 2022 by Lakeisha Ethans

You probably have someone you would describe as a highly sensitive person in your life. While being too sensitive is often used as an insult, that’s not the case. When someone around you seems too sensitive, they are probably highly sensitive people whose internal systems work differently. There’s absolutely nothing inherently wrong with being a highly sensitive person, and you shouldn’t let anyone tell you any differently.

Even though people who presumably overthink are seen as obsessed or annoying, they’re highly empathetic. Society needs highly sensitive people because they balance out the people who are cold and calculated. They also make for the best friends and advisors one could ever ask for. The only problem is that highly sensitive people often lead very unsatisfied lives.

They are often unhappy because they spend all their day trying to help others, to the point where they forget to take care of themselves. They’d do anything sacrifice anything for the well-being of others, which hinders their ability to grow. They often put everyone else’s happiness above their own. Because of these reasons, highly sensitive people have special needs for finding true happiness.

Often, they won’t be able to fulfill those needs and enforce the proper boundaries without the help of the people around them. So, if you are a highly sensitive person, here are three things you can do to find happiness. And, if you know someone highly sensitive, here is what you can do to ensure they take care of themselves.

Characteristics of Highly Sensitive People

First and foremost, while being a highly sensitive person might sound like a diagnosable disorder, it’s certainly not. Being a highly sensitive person is a personality trait, not a disease or an illness. In fact, highly sensitive people can display common personality traits. But all of these traits revolve around heightened responsiveness to negative and positive influences.

Imagine a highly sensitive person. Just think of every stereotypical dramatic thing you’d think a softie does. Think of that person who cries because a dog died in a movie. Or think of that person that starts smiling because they see a pretty sunset. Please think of the person who’s always in their head, always daydreaming, and always in tune with their emotions. Indeed, this sounds cliché. It sounds like some fairy-tale prince or princess straight out of a Disney movie.

But many people, even people you know, maybe even yourself, have at least one of these character traits. Even the smallest gesture moves many people. In fact, HSPs make up around 20% of society. But being an HSP is not all about getting emotional or smiling because you saw a puppy on the street. Heightened sensitivity goes hand in hand with overthinking and stress.

Many people confuse high sensitivity with introversion or sensory processing sensitivity. While all these things share some commonalities, they are not the same. Not all introverted people need alone time every day to recharge. Though highly sensitive people might need to isolate themselves because of how responsive they are to external stimuli. But that’s just because they need some time to manage their emotions and handle everything that’s going on around them.

The Input That Stimulates Highly Sensitive People

Highly sensitive people are also the ones who often shy away from tense and overwhelming situations. You will not see them picking fights or choosing to be around violence. They will do virtually anything to avoid conflict. But the main struggle highly sensitive people face is being overwhelmed in many more situations than others. HSPs don’t just get overwhelmed when dealing with conflict or violence.

They also get overwhelmed when they have too much to do when they start overthinking, or even when someone seems just a little bit mad at them. Also, highly sensitive people feel a lot of pressure regarding other people’s needs and feelings. They feel like they must make others happy and feel terrible when letting others down. The sheer thought of upsetting someone else gives them insane amounts of stress. Also, it’s important to remember that highly sensitive people are their own worst critics.

They are so in tune with emotions that it’s sometimes to their detriment. They beat themselves up over being unable to help someone else or being unhappy or fulfilled enough. Sometimes, they get stuck in their heads, thinking of the worst. They start thinking that others don’t like them, are not good enough, or are simply doing something wrong.

Being a highly sensitive person or having an empathetic person in your life is a gift. They are the most compassionate people you could meet. But it can also be hard to make them happy and ensure they don’t get overwhelmed or stressed. So, if you are a highly sensitive person, here are three things you can do to ensure your happiness.

Three Things You Can Do to Ensure Your Happiness as an HSP

Take these actions to create a safety net for yourself.

1. Communicate and Set Boundaries

For highly sensitive people, communication is critical. Most of their stress stems from feeling too much. Most highly sensitive people fear communicating because they don’t want to hurt anyone else. They are also bad at setting boundaries. As a result, they don’t know when to ask for what they want and when to stop giving. If you are an HSP, you need to make a conscious effort to enforce boundaries and ask for open communication.

Highly sensitive people rely on feelings. While it’s true that they are highly empathetic, they also need to learn to rationalize things around them. Just because you think another person is mad at you because they’re acting differently doesn’t mean that’s the case. They might be acting differently because they have a personal issue they haven’t told you about.

The only way to ensure that you don’t get stressed for no reason is to ask the people around you how they’re feeling. As a highly sensitive person, you need to have your feelings validated. Otherwise, you’ll start overthinking. Attempt to communicate how you’re feeling, even if it seems like you’re being irrational. Just telling the people around you you feel uncomfortable can go a long way.

Highly Sensitive People Must Set Clear Boundaries

Open lines of communication will also help you enforce boundaries. Boundaries are important because they are a foolproof way to ensure your needs are met. As a highly sensitive person, you might be prone to sacrificing everything just for the sake of someone else. When you enforce boundaries, you ensure you don’t allow yourself to go to those lengths.

For example, your friends might call you whenever they have an issue without considering whether you’re busy. Besides that, you might feel obligated to answer even though you might be working or doing something else. If you enforce a boundary that says they can’t call you when you’re at work, you won’t have to answer just because you feel obligated.

That way, you won’t jeopardize your workday, and you won’t feel guilty about having to hang up on them. Taking small steps like these can go a long way to ensure you have the time to work on your happiness.

2. Practice Self-Care

Highly sensitive people are constantly overwhelmed and stressed, especially after a long day when they have to work, go out, talk to friends, and help them. They need some time to decompress. This is why they need to practice self-care and have a routine.

To deal with stress, it’s essential to take care of yourself. Watch what you eat, try to limit your caffeine intake, and get eight hours of sleep. It’s essential to work out if you have time. And it’s important to relax and treat yourself from time to time. So feel free to apply a face mask, take a bubble bath, or treat yourself to a shopping spree.

Because stress is your worst enemy, you must form routines and habits that calm you down. You might even benefit from meditation and other relaxation techniques for that purpose. It’s important to remember that preparing a healthy meal, watching a series, or even doing your skincare should be the time you reserve for yourself. Try to disconnect from society for a couple of hours while practicing self-care.

3. Make Sure You Are Always Comfortable

Many highly sensitive people also suffer from sensory overload, and their environment and other externalities highly influence even those who don’t. It can be beneficial to take extra steps to ensure you’re always comfortable, regardless of your environment.

Everything from noise to the texture of fabrics to specific social interactions can make you feel overwhelmed. Make sure that you always wear comfortable fabrics and shoes. Don’t try to force yourself out of your comfort zone, which will only make you feel awkward. If, for example, you feel like there’s so much noise in the room, try using noise-canceling headphones or even step outside to get some air.

Don’t be ashamed to excuse yourself from specific social interactions. It’s far better to make sure you should don’t end up in uncomfortable situations. There is no reason to force yourself to enjoy certain things that make you uncomfortable. As long as you remember there is no shame in looking after yourself and asking for what you want, you’ll have no problem reaching happiness.

Final Thoughts on Three Things You Can Do to Ensure Your Happiness as an HSP

Highly sensitive people are beautiful individuals, empathetic, and in tune with emotions and feelings. They are the people who would smile because they saw a pretty flower, but they would also cry if they saw someone was hurting. They often get overwhelmed and stressed, and they need to make sure they don’t forget to look after themselves.

If you are an HSP, you need to make a conscious effort to communicate and enforce boundaries. You also need to practice self-care and put yourself above others occasionally. Don’t be ashamed to make yourself as comfortable as possible and remove yourself from the situations that stress you out. You can reach true happiness as long as you remember to look after yourself.

Artist Crafts the Most Amazing Wood Burning Clock

May 20, 2022 by Kristen Lawrence

Wood burning, or pyrography, involves decorating wood using an electrically heated tool. You can burn designs onto many items, such as bowls, cutting boards, or other home decors. The one-of-a-kind art offers a unique way to decorate your home, giving it a rustic, vintage vibe.

This wood burning clock with an owl as the backdrop makes telling time a bit more interesting. You will love this little project if you have a knack for making crafts, especially using wood. An artist will take you step-by-step through the process so you can make your very own wood burning clock.

How to make a beautiful, handmade wood burning clock

Here are instructions for starting your new hobby.

Tools and items you’ll need for wood burning:

A round, smooth piece of wood
Indigo art paper
Your wood burning design sketched on paper
Masking tape
Pencil
Wood burning tool
Wood oil
Electric drill
Clock mechanism

Directions:

Get out your piece of wood and lay it flat on a table. Next, lay the indigo art paper in the middle.
Place the sketch of your choice (in this case, an owl) on top of the indigo paper. Tape the sides to the wood to keep the paper centered and steady.
Next, grab a pencil and start tracing the outline of the sketch. Press firmly on the paper to ensure the design transfers to the wood. Make sure to go over important details like the eyes, body, feet, and wings. (Or whatever design you choose).
Then, remove the tape and pieces of paper. If you did it right, you’d see an image of your sketch on the wood.
Now it’s time to burn the design onto the wood. Get out your wood-burning tool and start carefully tracing the design. Take your time on this step, as you can’t erase any mistakes.
You may want to keep your sketch nearby to refer to during the wood burning process. After tracing the outline, start working on the smaller details like the feathers, shading, etc.
Add a design of your choice on the clock to mark 12, 3, 6, and 9 o’clock. In this case, the artist chose to burn a simple flower and leaf design onto the wood.
Next, pour a small amount of wood oil on top and use a brush to coat the clock evenly. Wood oil acts as a protective, water repellant, and decorative finish for wood. It enhances the natural look of wood and keeps it from drying out.
Let the wood oil dry for a couple of hours.
Once it’s dry, grab your electric drill and drill a small hole in the middle of the clock.
Place the clock mechanism on the back, and put the hands in the front. You can find a clock mechanism for about $10 on Amazon or other major retailers.

Enjoy your beautiful wood-burning creation! As a side note, you can also burn numbers onto the clock, but it may take away from its beauty. At least you have the designs to help you keep time if adding numbers isn’t your thing.

Wood burning basics for beginners

Wood burning takes time and effort to perfect, but anyone can enjoy it. If you decide to partake in this art project, you’ll want to keep these pointers in mind.

Feeling overwhelmed about buying all the supplies? No worries! You can always buy a wood-burning kit complete with everything you’ll need. This is perfect for beginners because the kits generally cost much less than serious wood burning tools. If you’re on the fence about exploring this hobby further, it’s best to start with basic supplies.
Wondering where to buy wood? You can find it at your local hardware store or online. You’ll have several unfinished wood options to choose from, such as oak, pine, birch, and bamboo. Beginners should opt for smooth woods like birch, basswood, or bamboo. Uneven grains like pine and oak are typically used by more experienced artists.
You can also draw your design onto the wood freehanded, but it’s easier to copy it. Make sure to remove any excess graphite from the wood before burning the design.
If you’ve never used a wood-burning tool before, it resembles a pen that plugs into an electrical outlet to create heat. It comes with temperature control and interchangeable tips varying in size and shape. Be careful while using the tool since it can get scorching. Make sure to read any instructions before you begin.
Allow the tool to heat up for 5 minutes before starting your project. Please don’t put too much pressure on the tip when using the tool, as this can damage it. Instead, hold the tip on the same spot until the burn creates the shade you want.
Want to add color to your artwork? Consider using watercolor pencils, wood gel stains, oil pencils, or gel paints. Or, you can opt for wood paint, but beginners should stick with the other suggestions.
If you have a rougher piece of wood, smooth it out once you’re finished using sandpaper. You can also use a cloth to remove any wood residue.

We hope you enjoyed learning about the fascinating world of wood burning! If you take it up as a hobby, there’s an endless list of items you can create. From kitchenware to clocks to wood furniture, wood burning turns ordinary objects into masterpieces.

Final thoughts on the most amazing wood burning clock

Woodburning, or pyrography, has existed essentially since humans have been on this planet. After we discovered fire and began crafting objects like spoons and bowls, wood burning was born. Blacksmiths discovered that the heated metal could burn designs into other surfaces, like wood, during medieval times. Today, artists all over the world use the technique to decorate everyday items.

Making art not only adds beauty to your environment, but it’s also therapeutic and relaxing to immerse yourself in creating something. If you’ve been feeling stressed lately, we hope this wood-burning project will provide a nice escape from reality. So, grab your tools and a comfy chair, and make something beautiful to ease your mind. And, don’t forget to share the finished product with us!

22-Year-Old Marine Veteran Is Raising Boys From Troubled Homes

May 20, 2022 by Kristen Lawrence

At just 22 years old, a Marine veteran raises boys from troubled homes, helping them become healthy, strong adults.

He also runs a program called “The X For Boys,” which aims to provide a positive influence and important life skills for Black youth.

“Making men great again” is the organization’s mission, and it’s doing a phenomenal job so far.

The young man and military veteran from Georgia started the organization when he was nineteen. He noticed the rising crime in his community of Albany, Georgia, and wanted to help kids find a different path. Many of the young men he talked to said they wanted to better their lives but didn’t know where to start. So, King Randall stepped in to become a positive mentor for them.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by King Randall, I. (@newemergingking)

He’s even taken temporary custody of several children, raising boys when they had nowhere to turn. He said that, sadly, many of the boys had come from very difficult or traumatic backgrounds. Some boys were sexually abused, starved, or neglected in general. In that kind of environment, children don’t get the love and support they need, so they act out.

Many studies prove that children who experience neglect or abuse are more likely to be involved in crimes. Of course, not all children from complex backgrounds will turn to violence or other crimes, but it does increase the odds. Many of these children lack a positive influence in their lives who can provide a healthy outlet.

King Randall believes that every young child deserves a positive, healthy upbringing. If they don’t have that at home, they should at least have good examples at school. That’s why King Randall wants to open a charter school for the boys in his program. The school will teach automotive repair, home improvement, and reading literacy skills.

The X For Boys charter school gives troubled youth a second chance

In addition to raising boys, King Randall also teaches them. By being a leader for them, he hopes to turn them into leaders in their community. King Randall is trying to purchase a former school building and transform it into a charter school. He contacted the superintendent to tour the building, which was set to be demolished.

He said it needs some work and TLC, but it’s still in excellent condition to open another school. King Randall is trying to raise money to make his dream a reality.

A Go Fund Me Plea:

“The X for Boys is now interested in purchasing a building to start a boarding school for boys in Albany, Georgia. This is a much-needed man-making institution. If there is no one to CONSISTENTLY help our young men, the community and the society will remain the same if our men never are taught to stand up for their families. We need your help to get this building in hope that The X for Boys expands across the country but first starting in Albany, Georgia!”

There are no updates on the Go Fund Me page about the school’s opening. However, an article on Fox News reveals that there’s been a few issues with purchasing it. They’ve been working on closing the deal for the past seven months. King Randal claims that the local school district got cold feet while selling the empty building.

Hopefully, they can reach a deal soon, as many local youths await enrollment in the program. King Randall feels it’s vital for young men in the community to have this opportunity.

The marine veteran revealed an urgent need:

“Our superintendent knows we have children in the juvenile system waiting on this school to be open. We have children that are in foster homes and group homes waiting for this school to be open. We have many parents waiting for this school to be open… I find it absolutely absurd I have to keep telling these children to wait, to wait, to wait.”

According to the interview, the school district said they would donate to the school if King Randall can prove it would benefit the community. He believes the fruits of his labor throughout the two years of raising boys can attest to that.

With his reading literacy programs, he’s increased the reading comprehension rate among the boys to 86%. Many of the boys can’t read when they first meet their mentor. In addition to the improved reading skills, King Randall says that there’s 0% recidivism in his program. So far, no boy mentored by King Randall returned to juvenile detention afterward.

How King Randall Started “The X For Boys”

King Randall knew the importance of having a strong father or father figure in a boy’s life from the start. He believes the lack of guidance from absent fathers leads boys astray. Albany has high crime and low literacy rates, and King Randall realized it’s all interconnected. King Randall is a positive male influence for boys without fathers or with complex home lives.

He wanted to teach young boys how to become men. The idea of raising boys himself didn’t come along until later, when he realized they had nowhere else to turn.

As far as educating the young men, here’s what the Marine veteran has done so far:

Workshops on automotive repair (oil change, brake repair, alternator replacement, water pump replacement, etc.)
General contractor workshops (toilet replacement, light fixtures, sheetrock, interior/exterior painting)
A weekly book club that’s hosted every Monday for the boys to attend after school. It helps to boost reading comprehension and build vocabulary skills.
The boys also get to receive sex education and have a place to release any stress or issues in a non-judgmental environment.
The X for Boys has hosted two successful summer camps that King Randall did both years out of his home.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by King Randall, I. (@newemergingking)

King Randall says the workshops provide excellent tools for the boys to learn how to make money legally. Learning trades such as these can give them set goals for a positive, stable future.

Final thoughts on the 22-year-old Marine veteran who’s raising boys from troubled homes

King Randall, a young Marine veteran from Albany, Georgia, has stepped up to the plate for boys without fathers. He runs an organization called “The X For Boys,” which teaches boys how to become men. They get to learn essential skills like automotive repair, home improvement, and reading comprehension. Not only that, but they get to have a positive male example in their life. King Randall hopes to open the charter school soon to help even more young men realize their potential.

20 Open-Ended Questions That Reveal a Toxic Person

May 20, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

It is impossible to avoid toxic people all the time, so revealing them is essential. You must know who you are dealing with, and these open-ended questions can help you figure it out. These open-ended questions will require answers that reveal the personality of the person you’re talking to.

It can be hard to recognize a toxic person, but there are small things you can watch for. A toxic person will drag you down and make you feel bad about yourself. They aren’t good to keep around for extended periods, so make sure you’re watching out.

Asking these open-ended questions can begin discussions that help reveal toxicity. You can word them in a way that doesn’t seem critical, too, allowing the conversation to flow freely.

Twenty Open-Ended Questions That Reveal a Toxic Person

If you spot the behaviors of a toxic person, clear up your uncertainty by asking these questions.

1. What are some of the lessons you’ve learned from your failures?

If the lessons the person lists have to do with what other people did wrong, it’s a sign of toxicity. However, if they begin to list things that have made them a better person, they probably aren’t toxic.

Another type of answer to watch for is a superficial answer. If the person gives a vague answer that could apply to anyone in any situation, you can assume that they don’t learn from mistakes. Not learning from failures shows that they don’t self-reflect, and they don’t find fault in themselves.

2. What are the things that you notice first about a person?

A positive person will say that they notice someone’s smile or the way they greet someone. They might even say they notice if someone is kind, funny, or any other positive thing. A toxic person, however, will say that they notice superficial things about someone.

A toxic person might say that they notice the shoes someone is wearing, or whether they have on name brand clothes. They might say that they recognize someone’s imperfections or other negative aspects. Any sign of this type of thought process shows a judgmental, toxic person.

3. What other things like this have happened to you?

If someone made an honest mistake and you ask this question, they probably won’t have a good answer. However, if someone makes similar mistakes often, they will have stories for you about them.

This question can help you see patterns of behavior. If someone doesn’t learn from their mistakes and continues making similar ones, it is no longer a mistake. At that point, it has become toxic behavior.

4. Why shouldn’t you do it?

This question can work in a couple of ways. First, toxic people see no fault in their behavior, even though no one is perfect. If the person can’t give you a reason for why they shouldn’t do something, it means that they can’t self-reflect.

A non-toxic person will tell you at least one reason why they shouldn’t do something. It doesn’t mean that they are a negative person, but that they see their weaknesses.

5. Do you think you spend more time talking or listening, and why do you think that is?

A toxic person loves to talk, especially about themselves. If a person says that they prefer to talk rather than listen, it could indicate toxicity. On the other hand, if they spend more time listening, they are likely a positive person to be around.

6. Why do you think that situation didn’t work out?

When a toxic person is asked this question, they will struggle to take responsibility. They will blame other things or people for the reason that the situation didn’t go as planned. If they can’t see the real reason for the failure, they won’t do any better next time.

Someone that isn’t toxic will admit their fault in the situation. Even if something or someone else played a role, the non-toxic person would bring up their role first.

7. What do you think your best qualities are?

When a person talks about their best qualities, it says so much about who they are as a person. First, a superficial person is likely going to be toxic. A positive person, however, will list inner qualities as their best ones.

Additionally, if someone starts to list negative things about themselves instead, it’s a sign of toxicity. Negative qualities shouldn’t come to mind over positive ones. Positive people should know their strengths and weaknesses.

8. What do you like to do on social media?

The things people participate in on social media can tell you if they are toxic or not. Toxic people will seek attention on social media, tell their personal information and everyone else’s. They will likely also post vague or passive-aggressive updates.

On the other hand, someone that isn’t toxic will spend their time on social media differently. If they spend their time on social media sharing positive quotes or liking people’s photos, it shows that they are positive.

9. How do you handle drama in your life?

Knowing the way that someone handles drama can signal whether they are toxic or not. If someone loves drama and says that their life is full of it, it’s a sign of toxicity. People that aren’t toxic, though, will likely say that they avoid drama whenever they can.

10. When was the last time you held a grudge, and what was it about?

Toxic people tend to hold grudges more than others. If you find that someone holds many grudges against a few different people, it is a red flag. It shows that they can’t positively engage with someone that disagrees with their opinion.

When you ask a toxic person this question, they will enjoy going into detail about what the other person did wrong. They won’t acknowledge any role they played in the situation, and they likely won’t say a kind thing.

11. How do you feel when someone disagrees with you?

A toxic person will want to control everyone and everything in their life. Their need to control will result in anger or annoyance when someone disagrees with them. This type of person wants to be in charge of what is going on around them, even if it isn’t right for everyone.

If you ask this question and the person says that they try to convince the other person to change their opinion, it is a red flag. A positive person would accept the differing opinion without a problem.

12. What are some of your best moments in life?

This question opens up a chance for the person to talk about their favorite moments. They can talk about the things that shaped them into who they are or the ones with their favorite people. Someone that isn’t toxic will look for deeper answers.

However, if someone says superficial answers or can’t come up with anything, it is a sign of toxicity. Positive people will have no issue coming up with a few moments that stick out in their minds.

13. When was the last time you said thank you, and what was it about?

If someone can’t say thank you, it shows that they are a toxic person. When you ask someone this question, their answer should be pretty recent. They will likely have a good explanation for what it was about, too, whereas a toxic person might give a vague answer.

14. What did you think about the event?

After watching a show or performance or attending an event, this is a good question to ask. Toxic people will talk negatively about the event, pointing out the things that went wrong. A positive person, however, will talk about things that they loved at the event.

15. How did you handle that situation?

When you ask someone how they handled a situation, their answer can reveal if they are toxic or not. If the person continually blames others for what happened rather than explaining a solution, they are likely toxic.

16. Will you tell me about a time when you were in the wrong?

Positive people should always be able to admit when they are wrong. So, when you ask someone about when they were in the wrong, most people should have a good answer. A toxic person will downplay the situation or say that they can’t think of anything at all.

17. How do you feel about the new rules?

If a policy or regulation changes, asking this question can reveal a toxic person. A toxic person will have complaints, and they won’t say anything positive about the situation. On the other hand, a positive person will have some good things to say, even if they disagree with the rules.

18. What happened between you and them?

If you know someone who has a bad history with someone else, asking what happened can answer your questions. If the person jumps into a long-winded rant about the other person, immediately recalling the drama, it is a red flag.

19. What do you think you should do next?

This question can help you understand the person’s mindset. If their answer is positive and helpful, it’s a sign that they are thinking the situation through. On the other hand, a toxic person will say there is no other option and essentially give up.

20. What was the last thing you helped someone with?

A toxic person won’t want to help others because they are always trying to get the upper hand. They would rather watch someone struggle and miss out than lend a helping hand. Asking this question can help you see if they are that type of person.

Final Thoughts on Open-Ended Questions That Reveal a Toxic Person

Toxic people are everywhere, but if you can identify them, you can handle the situation better. Asking these open-ended questions will help you recognize toxicity every time.

Find the open-ended questions that fit into your situation and conversation. Listen closely to the person’s answer so you can see if they are a toxic person or not.

17 Soothing Quotes to Stop Negative Thoughts Immediately

May 19, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

When negative thoughts keep on running through your head, they can take a toll on your well-being. You’ll experience a lack of self-worth, hindering your progress when working toward your goals. Many soothing quotes can help you stop negative thoughts immediately and refocus on the good in your life.

These soothing quotes will encourage you to focus on the positive aspects of your life. Even when things don’t go as planned, you’ll be better able to push away limiting thoughts. It’ll help you live a more fulfilling and joyous life each day.

You can’t stop negative thoughts immediately all of the time, but you can work on calming the mind. It’ll become easier to ease the unwanted thoughts as you relax your mind. These soothing quotes will get you started and allow you to minimize negativity in your life.

When you can’t find the right words to ease your mind, these soothing quotes can help you. Sometimes the quotes of other people who have experienced the situation before are your best option. They’ll bring comfort and allow you to view your life positively.

Seventeen Soothing Quotes to Stop Negative Thoughts

1 – “You have to look at your own thought forms. Are you sitting around and thinking a lot of negative thoughts? These injure the subtle body. When you hate, when you are angry, you bring that energy through you.” – Frederick Lenz

Learning your thought patterns can help you identify the issues and move on from them. If you sit around letting the negativity run rampant, it’ll wreak havoc on your well-being. Giving into thoughts of hate and anger will cause you to radiate those energies. However, if you can stop fueling the negativity, you can embrace positive thinking and live a fulfilling life.

2 – “There are so many people who will tell you that you can’t do this, but you have to make sure that your voice isn’t going to be one of them.” – Pooja Agnihotri

No matter what other people say to you, don’t let their words bring you down. Please don’t allow yourself to believe things they say to you, and don’t put those thoughts into your mind, either.

3 – “A negative thinker sees a difficulty in every opportunity. A positive thinker sees an opportunity in every difficulty.” – Zig Ziglar

If you want to change your life, remember this soothing quote. When difficulty arises, focus on the good in your life. You can do this by looking for an opportunity or experience in each challenge that you encounter.

4 – “Train your mind to see the good in everything. Positivity is a choice. The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.” – Marcus Aurelius

When you make positivity a habit in your life, you’ll train your mind to see the good in every situation. You always have a choice, so choose the good no matter what. You’ll experience more happiness if your mindset focuses on the good in your life.

5 – “When you close the door of your mind to negative thoughts, the door of opportunity opens to you.” – Napoleon Hill

Eliminating negativity from your mindset opens you up to so many opportunities. You’ll experience things you wouldn’t have if you kept letting negative thoughts take over your mind. Remember this soothing quote anytime your self-talk threatens to disrupt your progress.

6 – “The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful.” – Dalai Lama

Anytime you experience a negative thought, challenge it by thinking positively instead. Whatever you’re thinking about, switch it around and tell yourself the opposite. Shifting your thoughts this way can make a drastic difference in your well-being.

7 – “Overthinking leads to negative thoughts, which then leads to more negative thoughts about why you’re so negative all the time. Let it be. It will be okay. I promise.” – Unknown

Overthinking and negativity are vicious cycles that can cause many problems in your life. Follow the advice in this quote and let it all go. Let things be as they are, and it’ll all turn out okay.

8 – “It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts.” – Robert H. Schuller

No matter how many negative thoughts take over your mind, you can decide to shift your mindset. One positive thought can help you stop negative thoughts and push through when things get complicated.

9 – “The only thing that can possibly keep you from going after your dreams is the person standing in your shoes, wearing your clothes, and thinking your negative thoughts.” – Les Brown

No one but you can prevent you from reaching your dreams. Take responsibility for your life, push away negativity, and embrace positive thinking moving forward.

10 – “Every negative thought is a down payment on your failure. Every positive thought is an investment on your future.” – Unknown

This quote puts your thought process into perspective, allowing you to see how it makes a difference. Let go of any self-limiting thoughts so that you don’t set yourself up for failure. Focus on positive thinking so you can foster a better future for yourself.

11 – “Become a possibilitarian. No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities — always see them, for they’re always there.” – Norman Vincent Peale

As Peale explains, no matter how bad things seem, you can look for the possibilities in the situation. There is always more to it when you remember to search for a new opportunity. Even if you don’t see it right away, keep looking, and you’ll soon find it.

12 – “Most of our stress and suffering come not from events, but from our thoughts. Reframe from negative thoughts, and stress subsides.” – Martha Beck

While certain situations trigger stress and suffering, the negativity doesn’t come from the experience. Instead, it comes from the way you view the situation. Learn to reframe your mindset to see the positive, and you’ll notice that your stress decreases.

13 – “Do not allow negative thoughts to enter your mind for they are the weeds that strangle confidence.” – Bruce Lee

Negativity is more than just a mindset burden, as Lee explains. It affects your entire life, strangling your confidence and hindering your progress. Remember this quote so that you stop feeding the negative mindset.

14 – “We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude.” – Thomas S. Monson

Deciding to walk away from negativity can change your life and those around you. Focus on the things you’re grateful for in your life, and fill your mind with thoughts of thankfulness. It’ll make all the difference in your life, and it benefits the world around you, too.

15 – “The moment you start thinking someone else’s gain is your loss, you limit yourself by thinking in terms of competition and shortages.” – Grant Cardone

If seeing other people succeed or start a new opportunity makes you think negatively, it means you’re limiting yourself. It doesn’t mean that there are fewer opportunities for you. Instead, it should serve as motivation to get yourself closer to your goals.

16 – “Sometimes it’s not the pain that makes you suffer, it’s your own negative thoughts that make things seem worse.” – Unknown

Life gets hard sometimes, and things don’t always work out the way you wanted them to. However, you cause yourself to suffer when you let negativity linger in your mind. Accept each situation for what it is, and move forward from there so that things don’t worsen.

17 – “I have vision boards, and people think that I put the vision board up and I look at it all the time, but what I do is, when I’m having an emotional time, and I’m stressed out or feeling bad, I go to the store and get all the stuff for a vision board. Instead of channeling the negative thoughts or being depressed, I change it around, and I start making boards.” – Ester Dean

Vision boards are a powerful way to refocus your thoughts. When you put your energy into a vision board, it forces you to focus on what you want. It stops your negative thinking as you stop fixating on what you don’t have in life. From there, you can reference your vision boards anytime you need a boost of positivity.

Final Thoughts on Soothing Quotes to Stop Negative Thoughts Immediately

These soothing quotes can help you stop negative thoughts immediately. While they’ll still creep into your mind occasionally, these words can bring comfort. The words will help you see the good in your life and maintain a positive mindset.

As you read through the soothing quotes, make a note of the ones that resonated within you the most. They will prevent toxic thinking and help you embrace each day of your life.

15 Ways to Respond When Someone Gives You the Silent Treatment

May 19, 2022 by Chris Butler

When an individual refuses to communicate with another person verbally, then they’re using the silent treatment. In some instances, an individual won’t even acknowledge your presence. Why are some folks apt to zip their lips rather than deal with the issues at hand?

The silent treatment is a common tactic used in relationships, both romantic and otherwise. Sadly, some use it as a form of control or even a type of abuse. Its origins can be manipulative, and unless you cave to their demands, they won’t speak to you.

It should also be said that this is childish behavior and something that is commonly observed from younger children who haven’t developed the appropriate communication skills. According to Narcissist Abuse Report, parents often use this tactic with their children when they are trying to gain control of a situation and cannot handle it.

Why People Use the Silent Treatment Tactic

Why do people stoop to such juvenile strategies to get their way? Here are some common beliefs of why someone uses this tactic:

•Evading conflict

Using silent treatment doesn’t always have to be abusive or manipulative. Some people don’t want the drama. If they fear that an argument will be started by voicing their opinion, then they might just shut down. Avoiding conflict is a common reason why someone might want to remain silent.

•Inability to express feelings

Some people don’t know how to express their feelings properly. This individual wants you to know that they’re upset, but they don’t know how to tell you. Other people tend to resort to name-calling or become verbally abusive when they’re mad, so they would rather say nothing at all than hurt you with their words.

•Discipline

Using the silent treatment may be a way of punishing you. When someone doesn’t like your actions or something you said, they can use it to gain control over you. This is emotional abuse.

Fifteen Ways to Respond to The Silent Treatment

Sadly, using silent treatment is not the most effective way to deal with an issue. While some might feel that one gender tends to use this control method more than others, studies have found that it’s used equally by men and women.

Effective communication in a relationship is essential, and silent treatment is ineffective for conflict resolution. There are more useful ways to respond to this type of manipulation, and finding the correct response method can help resolve the conflict.

Here are fifteen actions and responses to utilize when someone is giving you the cold shoulder.

1. Acknowledge the Other Person’s Feelings

Try putting yourself in your partner’s shoes for a minute. Use empathy and feel and see the situation through their eyes. It may change your perspective on the matter.

You must remember that you are two separate people who think, feel, and look at situations differently.

2. Apologize for Your Actions or Words

Did you do anything hurtful or mean to them? While they’re not justified in using manipulative behaviors, they certainly can be hurt by your actions. Apologizing for any wrongdoing on your part may resolve the situation.

3. Cool Off if You Are Upset About the Silent Treatment

Sometimes you need to cool off. If someone isn’t speaking to you, just allow them space and time to think about what happened. A cooling-off period can be hours or even days.

4. Don’t Escalate the Situation

The worst thing you can do is become combative. If you get in their face or try to challenge them in any way, you’re only going to make the situation much worse. Fight the urge to escalate the matter.

5. Seek Help for Abusive Relationships

Does your partner refuse to speak to you quite often? This can be a sign of manipulative and abusive treatment. If you feel you need help, you can get out of this relationship and move on to a better situation.

6. Seek Advice From Their Friends of Family

While it seems childish to call mommy whenever there’s a problem, sometimes having relatives on your side can be beneficial. Friends and family members can often help resolve their loved ones when their stubborn nature won’t listen to you.

Be careful, this might be a double-edged sword. While family members are probably aware of this shortcoming in your special person, they might also be quick to jump to their defense. Use sound judgment before you outreach to the family.

7. Let Them Know You Won’t Stand for This Behavior

You have a right to say how you will be treated. You don’t have to take this behavior, and you can tell them what you will and won’t accept.

8. Get Couples Counseling

When one person refuses to talk to the other, and it’s becoming a habit, then it’s time to get professional counseling. If it benefits the relationship, then it might be worth working on what’s not so good.

9. Keep Talking Anyway

One thing that you can do is don’t play into their hand. If they refuse to talk to you, it doesn’t mean that you can’t speak to them. Just keep talking whether they answer or not. It shows that you’re taking a stand and not playing their games.

10. Use A Mediator to Break the Silent Treatment Cycle

A mediator is a third party that can get to the heart of the matter. Is there anyone that can get through to them when nothing else is working? This person may be a counselor, relative, or friend. However, never bring your children into these situations.

11. Establish Boundaries for Healthy Communication

The person who is using silent tactics is not versed in healthy communication. It’s clear that they don’t know how to communicate their feelings with you, so this is something that you need to work on together.

12. Ignore Them – Two Can Play the Silent Treatment Game

Giving them a dose of their own medicine is a wise choice, especially when they frequently play this game. If they don’t speak to you, then don’t speak to them. When they come back around wanting to chat later, there are no rules that say that you must talk.

13. Become a Safe Haven

One thing that you must consider is that this individual is shutting down due to personal turmoil. While it comes across as childish behavior, it’s really the only way they know to handle their anger.

Under all, that anger is a deep hurt. Rather than yelling, playing along with this game, and calling their mother, why not try being a haven for them. Show your partner respect and love even though you want to scream and run away.

Your spouse may be dealing with issues like anxiety, depression, or another underlying mental health concern. Although the National Library of Medicine calls this manipulation tactic, it’s often that there is an underlying issue that’s driving this problem.

14. Realize the Personality Difference

Sometimes you need to stop and realize the personality differences between the two of you. Are you more introverted or extroverted? Introverts tend to go deep inside themselves when they face opposition. However, an extrovert wants to get things out into the open and talk about them.

According to the National Library of Medicine, introverts are more likely to fight depression as they turn inwardly for conflict resolution. It’s possible that what’s going on between the two of you is a characteristic of their personality and not a personal attack on you.

Introverts need to recharge their batteries and have time to think and deliberate a situation. So, give them the time and space they need.

15. Look at The Bigger Picture, Beyond the Silent Treatment

Most of the arguments you have with your spouse or a friend are over tiny, trivial matters. Rather than getting overly concerned about something so silly, it helps to look at the bigger picture. In the grand scheme of things, the issue probably doesn’t matter.

Take, for instance, an argument between you and your partner over buying the wrong bread. You may be upset because they should know that your family only eats wheat bread, yet they come home with a white variety. Sure, you’re mad because you must use it to pack the kids’ lunches, but is it worth an argument?

If you stop and think about how silly it is to fight over bread, then you can look at other situations and see how crazy they’re too.

Final Thoughts on Dealing With the Silent Treatment

No one likes to be belittled, whether in word or deed. The consensus is that when someone gives you the silent treatment, they’re doing more than just not speaking. This is known as a manipulative tactic used by a selfish or narcissistic person.

However, it’s essential to analyze the situation and make sure that you’re looking at the big picture. While you see a stubborn person, there are some deep hurts that you’re not seeing. If your friend or partner tends to use such tactics to micromanage your relationship, then it’s worth getting counseling to help.

Remember that you don’t have to act childish and play games when you’re a grown adult. There are more effective ways to communicate besides cutting someone off.

Weekly tips, affirmations, and small actions to feel your best.

Highly Sensitive People Must Set Clear Boundaries

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!