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5 Signs You’re In A Sexually Abusive Relationship

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The tragedy of sexual abusive relationships

According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest Network (RAINN), a person is sexually abused every 68 seconds in the United States. Every 8 minutes, the victim is an underage person.

Only 6 out of every 1,000 perpetrators of sexual abuse are jailed or imprisoned. Statistics are helpful to a point, but there is no number – no words – that can adequately describe the tragedy that is sexual abuse.

And sexual abuse is not always apparent. Many abusers are cunning manipulators. It isn’t uncommon for a victim of sexual abuse to experience a period of self-admonishment; faulting themselves for not recognizing the abuse.

Especially in a romantic partnership.

Who would suspect their partner to commit such an atrocity? The truth is that sexual abuse by intimate partners is far more prevalent than most people realize.

If you happen to be within this group, it is essential that you understand it is not your fault. Again, it is not your fault.

“Sexual narcissism can be defined as a grandiose sense of one’s sexual prowess which, in the mind of the sexual narcissist, entitles him or her to engage in acts of emotional and physical manipulation at the partner’s expense.”  ~ Preston Ni, M.S.B.A.

5 Signs of  You Are With a Sexually Abusive Partner

sexually abusive relationship

1. Anxiety

Most people who suffer from anxiety disorders don’t know why. However, for sexual abuse victims, this tension is directly attributable to the loss of bodily sovereignty. In other words, the sense of control over their own body has been taken away.

In the context of a partnership, this anxiety will surface often; including before, during, and after intercourse. Some victims become fearful and may suffer panic attacks, agoraphobia, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD.)

2. Depression

This sign is also related to the loss of bodily autonomy. Victims usually develop some degree of depression; they may feel despondent, hopeless, or suffer from an impaired sense of self-worth. These feelings often range from mild to debilitating. Consider this finding by psychologist Ellen McGrath:

“In almost every case of significant adult depression, some form of abuse was experienced in childhood, either physical, sexual, emotional or, often, a combination.”

3. A sense of Inferiority

Abusers who target their partner do so out of the need to feel superior and in control – this is the narcissistic side of sexual abuse.

Every action of the abuser stems from their own inadequacies and insecurity. As such, it is common for the abuser to “target their partners for ridicule, shame, sarcasm, and overall marginalization,” says Preston Ni.

Imparting a sense of inferiority is outright emotional abuse which, subsequently, becomes sexual abuse.

4. Fear of Reprisal

Fear of retaliation often stems from being uncomfortable about the situation. For example, we’re all a bit hesitant when trying something new in the bedroom; but engaging in a sexual act and feeling uncomfortable with it, and becoming fearful at the thought of telling your partner about your discomfort are two entirely different things.

It’s a sign of emotional and sexual abuse.

5. Lack of Pleasure

Sex should be intimate, loving, and fun. Under normal circumstances, two adults engage in sex because it’s enjoyable. For the victim of sexual abuse, there is no pleasure to be had from sex with their “partner.”

When a person is too absorbed in their own satisfaction, they inevitably demonstrate little to no concern for others’ well-being. It becomes impossible, then, to obtain pleasure from any romantic activity, sex or otherwise.

6. Unwanted or Nonconsensual Sexual Contact

If you’re in a sexually abusive relationship, your partner may try to initiate sexual contact without your consent. This demonstrates a complete lack of respect or care for you as a human being, much less a partner in a relationship. Sexual abusers don’t care about the other person’s needs, however, as long as they can fulfill their own twisted desires.

Just because you’re in an intimate relationship with this person, it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to say ‘yes’ to them every time. If they still don’t listen after you turn them down, this is a clear sign of sexual abuse.

7. Your Partner Demands Intimacy Even When You’re Sick or Tired

If your partner regularly disregards your feelings when it comes to sex, this means they’re only in it for themselves. A caring, loving partner would obviously understand when you’re not in the mood, especially if you feel sick or tired. However, in a sexually abusive relationship, the abuser only cares about meeting their needs. To them, you’re just making an excuse to justify your lack of interest.

8. Holding You Down or Restraining You During Sex

In a sexually abusive relationship, your partner may attempt to pin you down or restrain you during sexual acts. This is their way of exerting control and power over you to maintain their superiority. It’s fine if you agree to this beforehand and you’re in a stable, healthy relationship. However, an abusive relationship is one-sided, rooted in domination, insecurity, and self-gratification.

9. Normalizing the Behavior

The first few times it happens, you may excuse your partner’s behavior as a strange phase or mistake. Maybe you think things will go back to normal and try to forget about the abuse. However, a sexual abuser doesn’t have boundaries and won’t accept being told ‘no.’ Any attempt to reason with them will just be met with aggression or silent treatment.

They will instead gaslight you, making you believe that they’re the victim in all this. If you remain in a sexually abusive relationship, you may start to tolerate the abuse as it seems normal to you. Unfortunately, this game of deception was part of the abuser’s plan all along.

sexually abusive relationship

10. Your Partner Calls You Degrading or Disrespectful Names

In a sexually abusive relationship, your partner will feel entitled to disrespect you both verbally and physically. A relationship rarely involves only one form of abuse since the perpetrator craves total domination over their partner. They may become angry or frustrated when you don’t do as they say, and misuse their power by yelling or calling you names.

They may also bring up any negative sexual encounters from your past to further lower your self-esteem. The sexual abuser wants to disempower their victims to make them easier to control.

11. In A Sexually Abusive Relationship, Your Partner Will Force You To Do Things You’re Uncomfortable With

Another warning sign of a sexually abusive relationship is your partner disregarding your boundaries and bodily autonomy. It doesn’t matter if you’re uncomfortable with what they’re suggesting; they still expect you to cater to their desires. Remember, it’s all about their pleasure; to them, you’re simply a means to satisfy their needs.

12. They Will Act Jealous and Controlling

Many women in sexually abusive relationships report having partners who are emotionally abusive as well. According to a survey by the National Institute of Justice, “women whose partners were jealous, controlling, or verbally abusive were significantly more likely to report being raped, physically assaulted, and/or stalked by their partners.” Having a verbally abusive partner predicted that women would suffer sexual abuse more than any other variable.

Statistics About Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in five U.S. women will become rape victims in her lifetime. In addition, nearly 50% of women and 20% of men will experience sexual violence in other ways besides rape. Sadly, sexual assault in relationships is far more common than people realize, as these sobering statistics reveal.

  1. Intimate violence that occurs in sexually abusive relationships causes physical injury more often than with strangers or acquaintances.
  2. Between 14% and 25% of women will experience sexual assault by partners in a relationship.
  3. Between 40% and 45% of women in abusive relationships will also become victims of sexual violence during the relationship.
  4. Over 50% of women raped by a sexually abusive partner experience multiple sexual assaults by the same partner.
  5. Women in sexually abusive relationships are at a higher risk of intimate partner homicide than non-sexually abused women.
  6. Victims of intimate partner sexual abuse have a high risk of developing severe, chronic physical and mental health conditions, similar to other rape victims. They have higher rates of depression and anxiety than both women raped by a non-intimate partner as well as victims of physical, non-sexual abuse.
  7. Between 10% and 14% of married women will experience rape at some point during their marriage.
  8. 18% of female victims of marital rape report that their children witnessed the crime.
  9. Most victims of marital rape never report the crime, unfortunately. Only 36% of all rape victims ever go to the police for help; among them, only about 25% of married women report spousal rape to police.

Get Support With Your Sexually Abusive Relationship

If you or someone you know is the victim of sexual abuse, please contact local law enforcement or the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline (NSATH) at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).

Here’s what you can expect when calling NSATH:

  • Confidential support from a trained staff member
  • Support finding a local health facility that is trained to care for survivors of sexual assault and offers services like sexual assault forensic exams
  • Someone to help you talk through what happened
  • Local resources that can assist with your next steps toward healing and recovery
  • Referrals for long term support in your area
  • Information about the laws in your community
  • Basic information about medical concerns

sexually abusive relationship

Final Thoughts on Getting Help in A Sexually Abusive Relationship

No one deserves to remain in an abusive relationship of any kind, but many victims stay out of fear or lack of resources. However, please know that if you’re experiencing abuse in a relationship, you can get help and leave your abuser. A happier, safer life awaits you beyond this relationship, where you no longer have to live with constant anxiety and terror.

If you need help immediately, call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline (NSATH) and the will direct you to a local domestic violence program. They will provide support and encouragement, and help you formulate an action plan to get out of an abusive situation.

10 Signs You’re Giving Too Much In A Relationship

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Are you often a giving person…more than what you receive in return?

“Never make someone a priority when all they are to you is an option.” ~ Maya Angelou

A quick question…

Have you ever tried – and failed – to take advantage of someone?

What caused you to fail? Perhaps you couldn’t go through, were lacking confidence, or – more than likely – had a guilty conscience.

You see, most people aren’t okay with the idea of using someone. It’s against their moral code; their inner-being. And, when they do try to take some liberties – even if it’s with a person they don’t like – a nagging sense of inner resistance kicks in.

You may have failed; but – in terms of good character – you succeeded.

The “10 percent rule” applies here. In this case, the 10 percent comprises the individuals who feel no guilt, remorse, or shame in manipulating someone for their benefit.

Are you giving too much?

A person who gives too much doesn’t always do so on purpose.

There are genuinely benevolent “angels-amongst-us” types – and they’ll give until it hurts. They’ll ask for little in return.

Here’s the thing, my friend: you aren’t doing yourself any favors. You certainly are not doing the other person favors by caving to their manipulation, willingly or unwillingly.

A balance of power shouldn’t exist in a relationship. Relationships – whether intimate, platonic, familial, or friendship – are not a competition. There shouldn’t be a “winner” and a “loser.”

Be aware of the following ten signs that you may be giving too much – and them too little –  in a relationship:

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1. They know everything

Ever seen the movie ‘Clueless’ with Alicia Silverstone? If so, you probably remember the redhead who Silverstone’s character and her snooty friend decide to “include” in their circle.

When the redheaded misfit joins Silverstone’s “crew,” she’s eventually taken aback by the unabashed egotism. When she objects to anything, she’s quickly rebuffed, and told – in a sense – that “this is how things are.”

Don’t be the redheaded friend.

2. They aren’t there when you need them

Yeah, this one’s kinda obvious, hopefully. You’d think, for everything you’ve done, that they’d occasionally return a favor or have your back, right?

Common courtesy is uncommon for some people. You’re probably giving too much if they somehow conveniently “forget” about – or outright disregard – the things you’ve done.

In fact, you may not even hear a simple “Thank you.” If that’s the case, good luck trying to get help from them.

3. You always initiate communication

When you’re not “needed,” they don’t want to talk, and when they don’t want to talk, just leave them alone. (And find some peace!)

Most communication that does take place originates from you. Being the kind person you are, you’ll try to establish and maintain contact out of genuine cordiality.

It’s too bad the other person had no interest in doing the same.

4. They show a lack of empathy

In a relationship, empathy – at its core – is an expression of love. Not displaying compassion is a sure sign that either (a) you were never really considered a friend, or (b) they’ve lost themselves at some point.

Either way, an inability to walk in the shoes of a friend is a major character defect.

5. You’re giving too much if you always upend your own needs

This one’s hardly surprising. When taking care of someone else’s needs takes precedence over taking care of your own, it’s self-neglect.

If you’re ignoring your own needs, it’s crucial to ask yourself, “Why?” Unless this person is your child, there is no acceptable answer.

negative people

6. You’re always the “first call”…

When they need something.

7. But quickly ignored

When everything is fine.

Do you remember the cliques from high school? Smart kids would hang out with smart kids, athletes with athletes, shy kids with shy kids.

You know what’s strange? In almost every clique, there’s one member who’s almost always ignored. Sociological research has found that there’s an “outcast” in every group; one who helps maintain group harmony at the expense of personal happiness.

8. You’re put in the thick of things

If your “friend” is fighting with someone, you feel obligated to take their side. Though you’d strongly prefer to maintain a sense of neutrality – especially considering the affronts of your “friend” – you fear the repercussions.

Mostly, you fear isolation.

9. You’re giving too much if you can’t get a word in

Pardon. But this one is annoying as he**.

People who talk over others are some of the most infuriating individuals alive.

This one also has a simple solution. If your friend/partner/whatever doesn’t respect you enough to lend an ear, get out of there.

10. They always seem to be telling a lie

You know the saying “Trust takes a long time to create, a short time to destroy”?

Well, your friend has torpedoed their trustworthiness. And you know the sad thing?

They could care less.

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Final Thoughts on Giving Too Much in a Relationship

Remember that 10 percent rule we discussed in the introduction?

Sadly, the 10 percent rule applies a second time: for those who willingly allow others to take advantage.

Do yourself an enormous favor. Please. Just. Stop.

Know your worth. And, if you don’t know, ask. This is a time when it’s perfectly acceptable to seek external validation. Ask your real friends or family what they love about you!

Here are some uplifting words to end this article on a positive and peaceful note:

“Praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow come and go like the wind. To be happy, rest like a giant tree in the midst of them all.” ~ The Buddha

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
Sources:
https://thoughtcatalog.com/lady-goodman/2014/01/9-signs-you-do-too-much-for-your-friends/
https://www.bolde.com/12-signs-youre-giving-more-ever-get-out-relationship/

15 Inner Thoughts of A Narcissist

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Being a narcissist is a mysterious condition.

First, mental health experts don’t know what causes NPD. Narcissism is similar to psychopathy and sociopathy in this way. While family history and advanced brain imaging technologies (e.g., PET) may clue us in, psychotherapists are the only individuals who can diagnose the disorder.

Second, many people – including some mental health experts – are of mixed opinions on whether people diagnosed (or possibly, misdiagnosed) with NPD deserve sympathy.

What Is a Narcissist?

Let’s start with a few sentences to describe such a person.

A narcissist is a person who has an excessive sense of self-importance, an extreme preoccupation with themselves, and lacks empathy for others. They often require excessive admiration and have a tendency to exploit others to achieve their own goals. Narcissistic behavior can manifest as arrogance, grandiosity, and a strong sense of entitlement.

narcissists

The Madoff Case

Consider Bernie Madoff as an example. Madoff pleaded guilty to eleven federal crimes for running a massive Ponzi scheme estimated at $65 billion.

He was given a 150-year sentence. Obviously, narcissistic and sociopathic traits – which Madoff almost certainly possessed – aren’t acceptable excuses in a court of law. While overseeing the most significant financial fraud in U.S. history, Madoff sat on the boards of organizations influencing policies for detecting securities fraud. On the other hand, Madoff was a noted philanthropist, donating millions to various charitable organizations.

“He was thought of as a great philanthropist, a pillar of the community, the chairman of Nasdaq – all of that stuff,” said a friend of his.

Does it matter why? 

As Bernie Madoff’s “case file” confirms, narcissists and sociopaths don’t have a rhyme or reason behind why they do such immoral things; or why they act contradictory much of the time.

Does it really matter why?

Not to the victims of Madoff; many of whom lost their life savings. Not to the millions of countless nameless faces whose lives have been upended by a liar and manipulator.

One thing that most people will agree on is that self-protection is paramount. Narcissists and sociopaths can – and will – inflict harm, and most won’t show any remorse.

What goes on inside the brain of a narcissist?

Let’s take a look at 15 projections from the mind of a narcissist

“He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

1. “How can I get attention?”

Psychologists have coined two terms that explain a narcissist’s constant need for attention: “emotional supply” and “narcissistic supply.”

Narcissists are always looking for where they can temporarily fill their unquenchable ego.

2. “I don’t care.”

Indeed. In fact, narcissists don’t care about anything except themselves. Most of us cannot fathom the intentional manipulation and hurting of others.

Most of us.

3. “I’m right.”

Let’s say you’re a prosecutor. You’ve built an “open and shut” case against someone, and the evidence leaves no doubt that the defendant is guilty. Now imagine the judge takes one look at your evidence and throws it out.

The narcissist is the judge.

narcissist

4. “I have no self-esteem.”

Most experts believe that narcissists have developed a coping mechanism – a rewiring of the brain – that permits them to exhibit confidence despite a deep-rooted feeling of failure.

In reality, the emperor has no clothes.

5. “I’m entitled.”

When it comes to wanting something, a narcissist will act like a 3-year old would if you took his choo-choo. They have no concept of merit; which helps explain why they’re always looking for the easy way out.

6. “How dare you?”

Underneath their seemingly cool appearance, narcissists have a very delicate personality. Their deeply-held feelings of inadequacy and insecurity will surface when criticized.

7. “What an idiot.”

One of a narcissist’s most prominent delusions is the strange belief that they’re smarter than everyone else. It doesn’t hurt when you deny or flat-out disbelieve any evidence to the contrary.

8. “I need something.”

If there’s one thing to pity about a narcissist’s state of mind, it’s this: nothing makes them happy. Money, power, fame, and possessions do nothing. Where ordinary people look to their loved ones for real happiness, narcissists are unable to do so.

9. “You’ve made an enemy.”

The narcissistic are chiefly passive-aggressive people. Unless they’re outraged, or you happen to be close to them, they won’t make their anger known. Instead, they’ll appease their quelling anger by promising payback.

10. “Onto the next one…”

Question: how can someone honestly commit to another when they only care about themselves? Answer: they can’t. Dating a narcissist always seems to follow a predictable path: they meet someone who caters to their constant emotional needs; initial feelings of excitement subside, and they leave.

11. “Everyone is looking at me!”

Narcissists love being the center of attention. Being at the COA may be one of the only things they love. Until that attention fades, of course.

After “their” spotlight is redirected elsewhere, the narcissist begins thinking about what to do next to get it back.

12. “What are they complaining about?”

Joe Navarro, a clinical psychologist and author of Dangerous Personalities, says:

“I have talked to scores of individuals who have been victimized by the narcissistic personality…I heard the same (thing): Narcissists see themselves as being so special that no one else matters. Over time, the behavior (will) cast a wide debris of suffering.”

13. “I’m not apologizing.”

Good luck trying to get an apology from a narcissist. The only way that’s going to happen is if they see some pot of gold at the end of their tilted rainbow.

14. “I’ll forgive nothing.”

Narcissists do not forget or forgive even the smallest of “infractions.” Don’t fret, dear reader, the odds are that you did nothing wrong in the first place. Just be wary of their calculated behavior, especially when feeling “wronged.”

15. “I think I found someone I like!”

Impossible, right? Well, not if it’s a fellow narcissist. As it turns out, narcissists aren’t altogether rare – accounting for about six percent of the U.S. population.

narcissist

Final Thoughts on Identifying and Understanding How to Deal With a Narcissist

It’s often not healthy to be friendly with narcissists because they tend to manipulate and exploit others for their gain. They may also have difficulty empathizing with others and only value relationships if they believe they can benefit from them. Additionally, their constant need for admiration and attention can be draining and make it difficult to have a balanced and healthy relationship. In some cases, being close to a narcissist can also lead to feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem. For these reasons, identify the catch phrases described above. so you can avoid a narcissist.

7 Signs Your Partner Loves You Unconditionally

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Falling in love is an exciting experience. When your partner loves you unconditionally, your whole outlook on life can become more positive and wonderful the longer that you’re together.

Couple’s expert and author Stuart Fensterheim says unconditional love is “so freeing and transformative because it lets you stop trying to change or control your partner. You’re free to work on yourself and find even better ways to live together in joy and love.”

Occasionally, we can ask ourselves how we know if our partners love us unconditionally. Even if everything’s going well, curiosity can get the better of us.

If you want to make sure that your partner really does love you unconditionally, there are plenty of signs to look for. When you see them in your partner’s behavior, you’ll know they’re in it for the long haul.

“The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.” – Brian Tracy

Here Are 7 Signs Your Partner Loves You Unconditionally

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1. When your partner loves you, they want to grow old with you

When you make jokes about growing old together and chasing kids off your lawn, they have a specific look in their eyes. It’s almost as if they can see themselves growing old together with you. Not only that, but they’re excited about it.

But how do you know they mean it?

Dating coach Patrick Banks says, “Do you remember that little tingle you felt in your stomach the first time you saw your significant other? The great thing about being in a relationship that’s meant to last is that this feeling only gets stronger over time. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for two years or twenty, when you’re with the person you’re meant to grow old with, you want them as badly each day as you did on the first.”

If you can see yourself growing old together with your partner too, it’s probably a sign that their love for you is unconditional and you feel safe and complete with them enough to start a life together.

appreciation

2. You tell them your secrets

Telling them your secrets means that you trust them, which means that they have been trustworthy enough for you to do so. When you tell them all of your secrets or the things you’ve been too embarrassed to tell anyone else, they don’t look at you with shock or disgust. They accept you in all that you are, embarrassing secrets included. Not only that, but they don’t even think to tell anyone, even their best friends.

3. They’re proud of you, and they tell you

No matter your accomplishments, big or small, they let you know that they’re proud of everything you’ve accomplished. Even if you do something as small as clean the living room or something as big as getting a promotion at work.

Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., professor at Oakland University and author, says, “When people feel recognized as special and appreciated, they’re happier in that relationship and more motivated to make the relationship better and stronger.”

Whatever you do is something unique to them, and they’re always ready and willing to tell you how proud they are of you for all of your successes – and even the things that you tried your best at and failed.

waiting for love

4. You disagree, but always make up

All couples have arguments or disagreements. That’s not something anyone can avoid. But when the both of you disagree, you don’t let it fester into resentments. They are always willing to discuss and communicate and come to a compromise or the end of an argument. You never have to worry about an argument causing contention in the relationship because you know that in the end you’re going to make up.

5. When your partner loves you, they are always chivalrous

Even if the two of you have been together for twenty years, when your partner loves you unconditionally, they’re always going to go out of their way to make sure that you’re comfortable and happy. They’ll still pull your chair out for you, or get the door. They’ll always help you unload the groceries or get up to get you a glass of water when you’re thirsty.

unconditional love

Licensed social worker, certified life coach, and author David Schroeder, LMSW, CPC points out that, “Love is more than a feeling or emotion, it is a conscious action and choice to aid the well-being of another. It’s the willingness to give love, affection, and admiration with openness, acceptance, and appreciation.”

Unconditional love is making sure that you’re happy and healthy.

6. They’re protective of you

This doesn’t mean they will be jealous if you go out with friends. Instead, they’re always going to want to make sure that you’re safe. They’ll go out of their way to make sure that you have a ride home if you go out or make sure that you can catch a ride home if they can’t. That protective streak will never go away, either. If your partner loves you unconditionally, they will always want to ensure you’re safe and sound, no matter what.

 

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7. Emotional vulnerability is apparent when your partner loves you

A lot of people have a hard time opening up emotionally. Even if that is the case, your partner will have no problem opening up to you and showing that emotional vulnerability.

“Showing unconditional love means being vulnerable, authentic and honest. Trusting each other enough to show all of yourself to your partner. To be their safe haven, the one person in all the world that they can be raw with, to invest all of their trust and hope in,” adds Fensterheim.

They will tell you their hopes, dreams, fears, and secrets – and each time you’ll know that they love and trust you more than anyone else.

love and attraction

Final Thoughts on Knowing Your Partner Loves You

Being in love is a wonderful experience, and when your partner loves you unconditionally, it’s easier to let go and let yourself be more open and vulnerable than ever before.

“Unconditional love is not an unhealthy codependent relationship where one person compromises everything to please the other. You both compromise and treat each other with kindness. Showing love means you’re in this together no matter what. You are the other person’s champion in life,” says Fensterheim.

If you see the signs in your partner and yourself, congratulations! You’re in a relationship that will surely stand the tests of time, and all the stress and curveballs that life has to throw at you.

10 Signs Your Relationship Is Unbreakable

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Many people wonder and worry about their relationship. They may find that they’re comparing their relationships to other peoples’ or to past relationships of their own. Questioning how unbreakable one’s relationship is can be a common experience for many people, especially if the relationship is fairly new.

Good, lasting relationships all have similar qualities that make them unbreakable, no matter what life throws at them. Recognizing what your relationship has or lacks can help you make the changes that you need so that your relationship stays strong, healthy, and long-lasting.

Here Are 10 Important Qualities For A Relationship To Succeed

“In finding love, I think it’s important to be patient. In being in a relationship, I think it’s important to be honest, to communicate, to respect and trust, and to strive to give more than you take.” – Kina Grannis

1. Honesty and trust

Being truthful and honest is “an essential foundation on which to build a relationship,” says clinical psychologist and author Lisa Firestone Ph.D. Your significant other shouldn’t hide anything from you, unless they’ve specifically discussed why they don’t want to talk about something. When your partner is honest, you trust them to be truthful with you. Your partner should feel the same. It’s hard to break apart when there’s no suspicion in a relationship.

unbreakable

2. Ready for the relationship

Both partners need to understand how an adult relationship works. If one partner isn’t ready for a mature relationship, that probably means that the relationship will be rocky. One the other hand, a strong and healthy relationship will demonstrate readiness by both partners. While we all have baggage, both partners should be working through that baggage so it doesn’t drag down the relationship.

3. Be ready to compromise

Partners who are able to talk through disagreements or issues while reaching a compromise will have a healthier and happier relationship than couples who are constantly fighting. If one partner is always giving while the other is always taking, it can cause an imbalance in the relationship. Partners who know how to compromise will have a relationship that’s as unbreakable as they come.

As licensed couples’ counselor Aniesa M. Schneberger says, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be alone? Being ‘right’ all the time isn’t always the best for your relationship. Remember compromise is key to success.”

4. Self-awareness

Both partners need to have a sense of self, and to be self-aware of their desires, needs, goals and wants. In some relationships, one partner focuses on the other while completely neglecting what they want out of life. That will only breed resentment.

Relationship expert and co-creator of Inner Bonding Margaret Paul, Ph.D., says, “There is one major cause of relationship problems: self-abandonment… When you decide to learn to love yourself rather than continue to abandon yourself, you will discover how to create a loving relationship with your partner.”

Therefore, a strong relationship involves self-aware people who can support one another in their life goals and dreams without giving up their own.

5. Good self-esteem

If one or both partners have low self-esteem, they may rely too heavily on their partner to meet needs that they need to be meeting themselves. Or, one partner may allow the other to control or dominate their life in ways they really don’t want.

Patty Blue Hayes, life coach and author of Wine, Sex And Suicide – My Near Death Divorce says, “Love yourself first. Self-love is the first love. If we do not honor, respect, value and appreciate ourselves, no one else will. Our partner will only mirror back to us how we feel about ourselves. We must look within for our own happiness and fulfillment first and not make the mistake of relying on someone else to make us happy.”

A strong relationship involves two people with high self-esteem, who feel good about themselves and don’t allow one personality to overshadow the other.

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6. Have great communication skills to build an unbreakable relationship

One of the most important features in a healthy relationship is good communication skills. If one partner tends to shut down, yell or become passive-aggressive during a discussion or argument, then they make communication almost impossible. Both partners should be able to communicate openly and clearly, even when arguing or disagreeing with one another without resorting to childish tactics.

7. Keeping sexual intimacy alive

Being in a relationship often involves sex. Both partners should have compatibility in their sexual desires, values, and preferences. Physical attraction on the parts of both parties is also fairly important.

Licensed individual, couples, and sex therapist Sari Cooper says, “Many times people become increasingly shy with the person they love the more time goes by. Partners begin to take their love for granted and forget to keep themselves turned on and to continue to seduce their partner. Keep your ‘sex esteem’ alive by keeping up certain practices on a regular basis. This allows you to remain vibrant, sexy, and engaged in your love life.”

It doesn’t feel good when your partner enjoys your personality but doesn’t find you physically attractive or finds you lacking. Both partners should be sexually compatible and physically attracted to one another.

8. Partners in an unbreakable relationship share similar values

Both partners don’t have to have identical values, but having similar values will make the relationship a lot stronger than if they hadn’t. Having complementary or compatible values regarding things like the relationship itself or parenting children will keep the relationship strong. If one partner believes in spanking and the other doesn’t, it can cause contention within the relationship.

9. Have patience

Not everyone can have the patience of a saint all the time, but patience for your partner means that the relationship will stay strong even during the most stressful times. Knowing that your partner is coming from a place of good faith, even when they mess up, will make dealing with the fallout much easier and keep the relationship healthy.

10. Spending quality time together

Even if your work schedules are opposite of one another, or if you’re too busy to spend as much time together as you want, being able to manage your time and set aside an evening to spend with your partner will make sure that the relationship stays as strong as it should be. Not spending enough time together can cause both partners to feel neglected and upset.

Matrimonial attorney Regina A. DeMeo says, “Don’t take your love for granted. Love is like a plant, it needs to be nurtured so it will continue to grow. Without water and sunlight, it will die. This is why it is so important to make time for things like date night, whether it is once a week or once a month. The key is to continue to make the other one feel special and loved — to enjoy each other’s company and have fun.”

unbreakable relationship

Final thoughts on building an unbreakable relationship

Not all relationships look the same, but all strong and unbreakable relationships share these qualities. A relationship can sometimes be a lot of work, but they’re supposed to bring you a sense of support and joy. Strong relationships come from a place of commitment to making it work, understanding, communication and a lot of love! If you want to ensure your relationship stays strong for the long haul, ensure it checks off all the qualities of an unbreakable relationship.

Researchers Explain Why You Must Face Your Darkest Emotions to Be Happy

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No one would include facing their darkest emotions in a day of pampering, but researchers say doing that is the key to our happiness. Often, our emotions in the darkest times of our lives are something we might try to avoid dealing with in favor of the lighter moments, but we can’t always have sunshine and flowers. Here is the research behind why you can’t be happy until you get to know your darkest emotions a little better.

Healing our darkest emotions to heal our bodies

The body may store our darkest emotions as pain locations throughout the body. Facing our negative emotions may help release stored emotional and physical pain from the body. In previous articles, we have explored acupressure and tapping energy meridians on the body to release any stored negative emotions, which can lead us to feel actual physical pain.

Learning about our hidden negative emotions may help us to find relief from physical joint pain, headaches, muscle tension, and many other ailments that could be a result of suppressed or blocked emotions.

How to manage your darkest emotions

Coping is when we take action under stress and a lack of coping is when we fail to act under stress. Emotion regulation is what we do to try to work through our negative emotions. Emotion regulation is different from coping in that it can be either involuntary responses that our body has or an intentional action that we make.

Research in the Australian journal of Psychology looked at coping with our darkest emotions and how we try to manage them when we have these deep uncomfortable feelings. They found three emotion regulation skills to help us manage these disturbing feelings; acceptance, cognitive distancing, and cognitive change.

acceptance

Acceptance training exercises help people be aware of emotions, physical sensations, and cognitive sensations. Cognitive distancing is taught through perspective taking, for example, seeing the events as a narrator of your story would. The cognitive change component of the training encourages a “self-compassionate” perspective by imagining that you are telling a very caring person about your darkest thoughts and feelings. You can also use the imaginary listener to speak to you and remind you of your strengths and coping abilities.

How to accept your darkest emotions

When we fear our emotional state or judge it to be unacceptable, we reject a part of ourselves. Our emotions are a primal part of us. The way our bodies feel as we flush with shame after an embarrassing incident may not be within our control. Instead of accepting the physiological response of blushing in embarrassment, we tend to dissociate from this emotion because it has negative associations that make us feel bad. However, researchers now believe that denial of our negative emotions prevents us from being happy.

UC Berkeley researchers studied the hypothesis that acceptance of our darkest emotions is linked with greater psychological health because acceptance helps keep us from reacting to negative mental experiences. Accepting negative emotional states prevents them being labeled as negative. We accept them for what they are without judging them to be good or bad. The research found that by practicing acceptance of our darkest emotions, we experience a decrease in the bad associations that we have with those emotions and improve our psychological health.

People who are truly happy may habitually accept their emotions and thoughts without judging them. This process is called habitual acceptance. Acknowledging that we have had a negative or dark emotion like fear, anger, jealousy, resentment, frustration, revulsion, etc. is the first part of acceptance. We are not capable of always thinking or feeling positive emotions like joy. Acceptance that we are human and that we sometimes feel dark emotions is the way to face them so that we can be happy.

Sources:
Berkeley study The Psychological Health Benefits of Accepting Negative Emotions and Thoughts: Laboratory, Diary, and Longitudinal Evidence.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28703602
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4038902/

5 Signs Your Work Is Emotionally Draining You

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Most people have had the experience of not wanting to get up and go to work, either because they’re stressed out or overwhelmed by the amount of work they have to do. Usually, this is just situational and passes after the completion of a project or by the end of the day. Sometimes, though, our work causes us more emotional stress than normal.

Have you ever wondered why?

That is people “are often so passionate about what they do, they tend to ignore the fact that they’re working exceptionally long hours, taking on exceedingly heavy workloads, and putting enormous pressure on themselves to excel—all of which make them ripe for burnout,” says psychotherapist and author Sherrie Bourg Carter, Psy.D.

When work is emotionally draining, it can cause a lot of unfortunate and unforeseen consequences. Thankfully, there are ways to pinpoint exactly whether or not work is causing you to be emotionally drained, and ways to turn it back around.

Signs Your Work Is Emotionally Draining You

“Sometimes you’re so emotionally drained that even sleep doesn’t do anything anymore. You wake up still tired. And it just doesn’t go away.” – Unknown

1. You don’t want to go to work

Many people have a job where they would rather be enjoying a nice day outside or spending time relaxing at home. “In burnout, detachment is a general sense of feeling disconnected to people and your environment. But it also can take the form of detaching yourself emotionally and physically from your job and your responsibilities,” says psychotherapist and author Sherrie Bourg Carter, Psy.D.

However, when work is emotionally draining, getting out of the house and going to work feels like an uphill battle every day. Just the very thought of going into the office or the store where you work stresses you out.

2. Your job makes you feel anxious

When you’re at work, you feel nervous and anxious, along with all the physical signs from a racing heart to jumbled thoughts. No matter how hard you work, you feel constant pressure to do more, do better, and nothing ever seems to be enough. Leaving working at the end of the day isn’t even a relief, because you know you have to go back.

3. You have no motivation

When work is emotionally draining, your motivation to do your day-to-day tasks sinks down. It feels like you have to force yourself to answer every email, or talk to every associate or customer. Even the work that you had once enjoyed doing is hard to accomplish, and nothing seems to help.

Or as speaker and author Joe Robinson states, “What used to fuel—pride, service, ambition, challenge, even money—seems meaningless. Belief, in the profession, achievement, anyone else, it’s pointless.”

drained

4. You get sick more often

Stress puts a strain on our immune systems and makes them more vulnerable to cold symptoms and physical ailments.

According to Founder and CEO, AudienceBloom Jayson DeMers, “People who are suffering from burnout often don’t have the energy or drive to make healthy lifestyle choices. They may eat too much (or too little), choose unhealthy foods or stop exercising.”

Emotional drainage is a type of stress, and when you’re emotionally drained by work, you may experience aches, pains and cold symptoms more often than before. It may feel like you have a cold every other week.

5. Not even clocking out makes you feel better

For most people, clocking out and going home is a time where they can just forget about work until the next day. However, when work is emotionally draining, it means that you’re more likely to take the stress of your work day home with you. When you get home, you still feel anxious, wound up and stressed out.

Here Are Ways To Reverse Feeling Emotionally Drained

If these signs sound like you, then work is definitely starting to be emotionally draining on you. Quitting your job and looking for a new one isn’t always the answer, especially if jobs are scarce where you live. So, learning how to healthily reverse the damage of emotional drainage is the best way to go about it.

Wait it out

If you know that the situation at work is temporary and is likely to change soon, perhaps due to a peak season, you can find healthy outlets while waiting it out. Talking to a counselor, a family member or a friend can help you deal with the feelings while you’re waiting for the situation at work to pan out.

Learn to say no

If your issue at work is that you have too many projects, it’s time to learn how to say no and value your time.

Organic-food pioneer, Paul Huljich says, “The difficulty that we often experience in saying No, in being true to what we really want, can be a significant cause of stress. By learning to say No to whatever is detrimental to your well-being and instead following your innermost feelings, you will experience a strong sense of contentment in your life and in the decisions you make.”

If you need help completing all of the work that’s being given to you, making sure that the point is brought across to your supervisors will be beneficial. If you take on more work than you can handle, your emotional state and your work will both suffer.

Learn to be good enough

Perfectionism can be the root cause of your emotional exhaustion. If you’re trying to make every bit of your work perfect instead of getting it done, you may need to learn when to accept that your work is done and move on to the next project. Focusing your energy on the most important tasks can make your work go by easier so you’re less drained and stressed.

Talk to your boss

If the situation at work is due to a co-worker who is making you feel emotionally drained, the best thing to do is talk to your boss in order to rectify the situation. It may not feel good to go to your boss because you may feel as if you’re causing drama, but it’s more important that you’re able to do your job well and not become emotionally drained while doing so.

“It takes courage to admit to your boss that you’re not working at full capacity.  Don’t throw yourself on your sword, don’t blame him or her, and don’t wait until it’s too late,” says speaker, author, trainer, and consultant Dr. Steve Albrecht, PHR, CPP, BCC.

Final thoughts

Many people work in a career that they don’t enjoy. But there are more ways to handle it than walking off the job. While it may be an option for some people, it isn’t an option for everyone. Know the signs of being emotionally drained at work. This knowledge will make it easier to figure out how to best deal with it. Once you’re able to come up with a solution, you’ll be able to reverse the situation and continue with your job without the added stress of being emotionally drained.

References:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201311/the-tell-tale-signs-burnout-do-you-have-them
http://www.worktolive.info/blog/bid/357306/the-7-signs-of-burnout
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201205/where-do-you-fall-the-burnout-continuum
https://www.inc.com/jayson-demers/10-signs-you-re-headed-for-burnout.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/mind-wellness-awareness/201211/learn-say-no
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-act-violence/201410/burned-out-your-job

Scientists Explain What Happens To Your Body When You Drink Coffee Every Day

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“Coffee helps me maintain my ‘”never killed anyone streak.'” – Anonymous

Not only does coffee keep a lot of us sane, but it contains so many health benefits that we question why you wouldn’t want to drink it if you don’t already. Of course, it tastes better with a few teaspoons of sugar and cream, but sadly, the benefits come from straight up black, pure coffee. Sugar and cream don’t hurt every now and then, though.

Before we tell you about what happens when you drink coffee every morning when you wake up, we should mention that if you buy coffee, try to buy organic, fair trade when possible. Also, go for pure coffee without added, artificial flavors, as this will lessen the health benefits you get from drinking it.

So, why is your morning java good for you, you ask? Well, get ready to feel even better about your caffeine addiction when you find out why!

Here’s what happens when you drink coffee every day:

coffee

1. It increases your metabolism.

This is probably the number one reason why people drink the stuff, anyway. There’s nothing quite like getting out of bed groggy and unprepared for the work or school day ahead and then downing a cup of joe and suddenly feeling like an Energizer bunny. While the energy doesn’t last long, it can certainly help us start our day on the right note. Plus, who’s to say you can’t have a refill or two in the afternoon?

Studies have even found that coffee helps increase your metabolism after a workout! A study published in the Journal of Applied Physiology discovered that endurance athletes who had a cup of coffee following exercise had a 66 percent increase in muscle glycogen, which helps the body replace energy quickly after a hard workout.

2. Coffee increases brain health.

Where should we start with all the brain benefits? Well, some studies have found that drinking 3-5 cups of coffee per day can decrease the risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease and dementia by as much as 65% in middle-aged men and women. Other studies have found that a daily cup of joe can decrease the risk of developing Parkinson’s disease by as much as 32-60%.

Also, drinking coffee can inhibit a type of nucleoside in the brain known as adenosine. Adenosine decreases the firing of neurons and the release of beneficial neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine within the brain. Because caffeine blocks adenosine, it, therefore, increases the “feel-good” chemicals within the brain.

Finally, other studies have found that coffee increases cognitive performance, mood, reaction time, memory, and alertness.

3. It makes you feel good!

A groundbreaking study performed by researchers at the Harvard Public School of Health found that adult men and women who drank two to four cups of caffeinated coffee each day had a 50% lower risk of suicide compared to those who drank decaf coffee or no coffee at all. 

In addition, coffee contains many antioxidants and beneficial nutrients such as Vitamins B1, B2, B3, and B5, as well as potassium and manganese.

All the nutrients and comfort you get from drinking a few cups of coffee a day will help you feel happier overall!

4. You have a reduced risk of skin cancer.

A study published in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute found that older adults who consumed four or more cups of coffee per day had a 20% lower risk of developing malignant melanoma, the deadliest form of skin cancer in the U.S. Researchers believe that coffee helps to reduce the risk of developing skin cancer because of the many antioxidants and phytochemicals in America’s favorite drink.

5. You also decrease your risk of liver cancer.

Hepatocellular carcinoma (HCC) is the sixth most commonly diagnosed cancer in the world and the third leading cause of cancer deaths. HCC makes up about 90 percent of all liver disease reported. 

Just one cup of joe per day may decrease the risk of HCC by 20 percent; two cups by 35 percent, and four or more cups by 50 percent. (The FDA recommends no more than 400 milligrams of coffee daily – or four cups.)

Dr. Peter Hayes, a medical professor at the University of Edinburgh, says, “We have shown coffee reduces cirrhosis and also liver cancer. Coffee has also been reported to reduce the risk of death from many other causes. (In moderation), coffee can be a wonderful, natural medicine.”

6. Coffee helps reduce the risk of Type 2 diabetes.

According to a study led by researchers at the Harvard School of Public Health, people who had one more cup of java per day than their normal amount over the course of four years had an 11% lower risk of developing Type 2 diabetes compared with those who drank the same amount of coffee as normal. What’s more, the study discovered that those who decreased their coffee consumption by more than one cup per day increased their risk of Type 2 diabetes by 17%. 

Now that you’re armed with all this knowledge about the benefits of coffee, we hope you will continue enjoying this delicious, medicinal drink, or get on the bandwagon and start indulging!

drink coffee everyday

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REFERENCES:
CHEN, Y., M.D. (2015, AUGUST 01). LIVER CANCER – HEPATOCELLULAR CARCINOMA. RETRIEVED JUNE 1, 2017, FROM HTTPS://MEDLINEPLUS.GOV/ENCY/ARTICLE/000280.HTM
CICALESE, L., MD, FACS. (2017, MAY 03). HEPATOCELLULAR CARCINOMA. RETRIEVED JUNE 1, 2017, FROM HTTP://EMEDICINE.MEDSCAPE.COM/ARTICLE/197319-OVERVIEW
KENNEDY, O. J., RODERICK, P., BUCHANAN, R., FALLOWFIELD, J. A., HAYES, P. C., & PARKES, J. (2017). COFFEE, INCLUDING CAFFEINATED AND DECAFFEINATED COFFEE, AND THE RISK OF HEPATOCELLULAR CARCINOMA: A SYSTEMATIC REVIEW AND DOSE–RESPONSE META-ANALYSIS. BMJ OPEN, 7(5). DOI:10.1136/BMJOPEN-2016-013739
SHELDRICK, G. (2017, MAY 25). DRINKING JUST ONE COFFEE A DAY COULD HELP BEAT CANCER: CAFFEINE SLASHES RISK. RETRIEVED JUNE 1, 2017, FROM HTTP://WWW.EXPRESS.CO.UK/LIFE-STYLE/HEALTH/808832/COFFEE-PROTECTS-LIVER-CANCER-CAFFEINE-HCC-HEALTH-BENEFITS
http://jap.physiology.org/content/85/3/883
https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/press-releases/increasing-daily-coffee-intake-may-reduce-type-2-diabetes-risk/
https://academic.oup.com/jnci/
http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.3109/15622975.2013.795243#.VmhziPkrLIU
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20182054
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/192731
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1356551
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1467-3010.2007.00665.x/full

10 Conversation Starters For Introverts

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Introvert: (psychology) a person who tends to shrink from social contacts and to become preoccupied with their own thoughts.  – vocabulary.com

While introverts draw their energy from internal sources, this doesn’t mean they all have a deep loathing for people. In fact, many of them do enjoy the company of (certain) people. But what makes an introvert truly different from an extrovert is that they have a limited amount of energy to spend on socializing. On the other hand, an extrovert can spend hours at a party and not feel tired in the slightest, feeling energized and excited by the crowd. He might even try to get his introverted friends to stay at the party longer. But his attempts will likely be in vain.

Many introverts are not inherently shy. They just have a smaller tolerance for being around groups of people too often or for extended periods of time. They don’t feel anxious around people, but generally enjoy their own company more than the company of others. However, for the shy introvert, feelings of anxiety arise when others talk to them, making even small talk all the more torturous.

No matter what kind of introvert you are, you probably struggle with conversation topics nonetheless. You probably have so much going on inside your mind that you simply don’t have the energy to engage with others, or maybe, you just really don’t like talking to people and would rather stick with the conversation between you and your mind.
Sadly, we can’t escape the reality that talking is part of human life, and we must interact with humans at some point. I mean, even the most introverted among us might find a human we actually like talking to, which would make conversation totally worth it!

Here are 15 ways for introverts to start up a conversation:

So, if you find yourself struggling with conversation at parties or other social engagements, maybe these icebreakers could help you out a bit.

1. Ask about someone’s job, family, or anything that gets the other person talking.

Since introverts generally don’t like being in the spotlight, ask the other person questions about themselves at any opportunity. This way, you won’t have to spend so much energy thinking of what to say and you can instead do what most introverts do best: listen.

Plus, this is a pretty general question, and will help with small talk until the conversation hopefully takes a turn for the “heavier” topics us introverts would much rather discuss.

2. Talk about travel.

Most people love traveling to far away lands and experiencing new sights, food, and cultures. This bonds people all over the world, because humans used to be nomadic creatures, after all. It’s still in our DNA to have a desire to get up and move, see new things, and have a different viewpoint in life. So, if you can bring up a few of your most recent travels, it’s likely the other person will have stories to tell of their own, too.

3. Anything food-related.

Humans LOVE food, if you haven’t noticed already. We spend hours thinking about what we want to eat next, or reading cookbooks to find a recipe worth making. Our lives revolve around satisfying our hunger, and everyone’s inner foodie quickly comes out when you bring up the topic. Food bonds people, too, so don’t hesitate to mention your favorite restaurant or the latest cake you made.

4. Ask what music someone likes.

Yet another common interest among people is music. I mean, have you ever met someone who said they didn’t like music? I sure haven’t, and if I ever do in the future, I’ll most definitely ask what planet they’re from. With that said, music is another neutral topic to start up a conversation with, and you might just find a buddy to go to concerts with, too.

5. Movies/books/other media.

So, you probably get the idea by now – basically, ask other people what they like. “What’s your favorite book/movie/magazine/TV show/etc?” Even if the person doesn’t read, he or she probably watches movies or TV shows. Either Game of Thrones or Orange Is The New Black is sure to get people talking, and if not those, there are literally thousands of other shows and movies to choose from.

6. “What do you like to do in your free time?”

Hobbies can get people talking for hours, because everyone does something in their off time, even if they don’t have much of it. You can also find common interests this way that could lead to a friendship, perhaps.

7. Show them a funny video or meme online.

If you get to talking about social media, you can always resort to your phone to sort of do the talking for you. It takes the attention off yourself, and gives you a break from thinking of conversation topics for a while. Plus, who doesn’t like to laugh? 

8. Talk about current events.

This is another “safe” topic for the most part, and there’s always something going on in the world to talk about.

9. Ask where they’re from.

People love to talk about their hometown most of the time, but if they hated where they grew up, it might segue into other topics, such as travel, where they moved to after college, or what city they like best. You can talk about your hometown, too, and maybe include some interesting or funny stories about your stomping grounds.

10. Pets, or just cute animals in general.

Even if you don’t have pets, talking about animals (especially cute, fuzzy ones), is a surefire way to get people talking. Most of us have a soft spot for animals, and what makes them even more awesome is that there are so many different types of creatures to have a conversation about!

11. “What’s the craziest/scariest/most awesome thing you’ve ever done?”

Again, this takes the spotlight off of you for a bit and also allows you to get to know the other person a little deeper. People love talking about life experiences, especially those where they conquered a fear or did something most people haven’t, such as skydiving or base jumping.

12. Tell a joke.

Okay, so maybe you aren’t a stand-up comedian, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make people laugh. Jokes always break the ice, because people love to laugh and have a good time. Take one from the Internet if you have to, because no one knows if you made up the joke yourself or stole it from someone (they’ll be so busy laughing at your hilarious jokes that they won’t even question where it came from anyway). 😉

13. Favorite quotes.

This one could make for some stimulating conversation, because usually, two people don’t share the same favorite quotes, which means you can learn some new ones and also teach someone else at the same time. This could also lead to other conversation topics, such as favorite books/movies/etc.

14. Cool places to hang out in town.

Even if the person isn’t from your town, you could tell them of some interesting places to visit while they’re there, and possibly even show them around if you’re up for it.

someone who interrupts15. Interesting things you’ve done recently.

Maybe you tried a new dish you’ve never had before, or swam with dolphins on a recent vacation. Whatever the case, think about what you’ve done lately and tell the other person about it – maybe they had some similar experiences and can keep the conversation flowing about it.

So, there you have it, a nice list of conversation topics when you feel stuck at a party and can’t think of what to say next. Of course, you’ll want to look over this before socializing so you don’t have to research it while at the party, because that would definitely make for a long, awkward silence, or them moving on to another conversation. (Which we’re sure some of you wouldn’t mind, but the point is to sustain a conversation with someone, remember?)

It might feel awkward or uncomfortable talking to people sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it with a little guidance and topics at the ready to talk about. Think of the bright side: you might just make a new lifelong friend by bringing up some of these conversation starters the next time you go out!

Let us know if any of these topics work for you at your next social event!

Sources:
http://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/get-flirty/text-conversation-starters
https://www.forbes.com/sites/christinapark/2015/03/30/an-introverts-guide-to-small-talk-eight-painless-tips/2/#7f9ac9e9346b
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-introverts-corner/201101/chitchat-101-guide-introverts

 

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