“In finding love, I think it’s important to be patient. In being in a relationship, I think it’s important to be honest, to communicate, to respect and trust, and to strive to give more than you take.” – Kina Grannis
Many people wonder and worry about their relationship. They may find that they’re comparing their relationships to other peoples’, or to past relationships of their own. Questioning how strong one’s relationship is can be a common experience for a lot of people, especially if the relationship is fairly new.
Good, lasting relationships all have similar qualities that make them unbreakable, no matter what life throws at them. Recognizing what your relationship has or lacks can help you make the changes that you need so that your relationship stays strong, healthy, and long lasting.
Here Are 10 Important Qualities For A Relationship To Succeed
1. Honesty and trust
Being truthful and honest is “an essential foundation on which to build a relationship,” says clinical psychologist and author Lisa Firestone Ph.D. Your significant other shouldn’t be hiding anything from you, unless they’ve specifically discussed why they don’t want to talk about something. When your partner is honest, you trust them to be truthful with you. Your partner should feel the same. When there’s no suspicion in a relationship, it’s hard to break apart.
2. Ready for the relationship
Both partners need to understand how an adult relationship works. If one partner isn’t ready for a mature relationship, that probably means that the relationship will be rocky. One the other hand, a strong and healthy relationship will demonstrate readiness by both partners. While we all have baggage, both partners should be working through that baggage so it doesn’t drag down the relationship.
3. Be ready to compromise
Partners who are able to talk through disagreements or issues while reaching a compromise will have a healthier and happier relationship than couples who are constantly fighting. If one partner is always giving while the other is always taking, it can cause imbalance in the relationship. Partners who know how to compromise will have a relationship that’s as unbreakable as they come.
As licensed couples’ counselor Aniesa M. Schneberger says, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be alone? Being ‘right’ all the time isn’t always the best for your relationship. Remember compromise is key to success.”
Both partners need to have a sense of self, and to be self-aware of their desires, needs, goals and wants. In some relationships, one partner focuses on the other while completely neglecting what they want out of life. That will only breed resentment.
Relationship expert and co-creator of Inner Bonding Margaret Paul, Ph.D., says, “There is one major cause of relationship problems: self-abandonment… When you decide to learn to love yourself rather than continue to abandon yourself, you will discover how to create a loving relationship with your partner.“
Therefore, a strong relationship involves self-aware people who are able to support one another in their life goals and dreams without giving up their own.
5. Good self-esteem
If one or both partners have low self-esteem, they may rely too heavily on their partner to meet needs that they need to be meeting themselves. Or, one partner may allow the other to control or dominate their life in ways they really don’t want.
Patty Blue Hayes, life coach and author of Wine, Sex And Suicide – My Near Death Divorce says, “Love yourself first. Self-love is the first love. If we do not honor, respect, value and appreciate ourselves, no one else will. Our partner will only mirror back to us how we feel about ourselves. We must look within for our own happiness and fulfillment first and not make the mistake of relying on someone else to make us happy.”
A strong relationship involves two people with high self-esteem, who feel good about themselves and don’t allow one personality to overshadow the other.
6. Have great communication skills
Arguably, one of the most important features in a healthy relationship is good communication skills. If one partner tends to shut down, yell or become passive-aggressive during a discussion or argument, then they make communication almost impossible. Both partners should be able to communicate openly and clearly, even when they’re having an argument or disagreeing with one another without resorting to childish tactics.
7. Keeping sexual intimacy alive
Being in a relationship often involves sex. Both partner should have a compatibility in their sexual desires, values and preferences. Physical attraction on parts of both parties is also fairly important.
Licensed individual, couples, and sex therapist Sari Cooper says, “Many times people become increasingly shy with the person they love the more time goes by. Partners begin to take their love for granted and forget to keep themselves turned on and to continue to seduce their partner. Keep your ‘sex esteem’ alive by keeping up certain practices on a regular basis. This allows you to remain vibrant, sexy, and engaged in your love life.”
It doesn’t feel good when your partner enjoys your personality but doesn’t find you physically attractive, or finds you lacking. Both partners should be sexually compatible and physically attracted to one another.
8. Share similar values
Both partners don’t have to have identical values, but having similar values will make the relationship a lot stronger than if they hadn’t. Having complementary or compatible values when it comes to things like the relationship itself, or parenting children, will keep the relationship strong. If one partner believes in spanking and the other doesn’t, it can cause contention within the relationship.
9. Have patience
Not everyone can have the patience of a saint all the time, but having patience for your partner means that the relationship will stay strong even during the most stressful of times. Knowing that your partner is coming from a place of good faith, even when they mess up, will make dealing with the fall out much easier and keep the relationship healthy.
10. Spending quality time together
Even if your work schedules are opposite of one another, or if you’re too busy to spend as much time together as you want, being able to manage your time and set aside an evening to spend with your partner will make sure that the relationship stays as strong as it should be. Not spending enough time together can cause both partners to feel neglected and upset.
Matrimonial attorney Regina A. DeMeo says, “Don’t take your love for granted. Love is like a plant, it needs to be nurtured so it will continue to grow. Without water and sunlight, it will die. This is why it is so important to make time for things like date night, whether it is once a week or once a month. The key is to continue to make the other one feel special and loved — to enjoy each other’s company and have fun.”
Not all relationships look the same, but all strong and unbreakable relationships share these qualities. A relationship can sometimes be a lot of work, but they’re supposed to bring you a sense of support and joy. Strong relationships come from a place of commitment to making it work, understanding, communication and a lot of love! If you’re looking to make sure your relationship stays good for the long haul, make sure it checks off all the qualities of an unbreakable relationship.