[dropcap]S[/dropcap]ocializing and making new friends is a part of life. In fact, it is an important part of living a long, healthy and happy life. However, it is important to be cautious with the people we let into our lives, and how we allow them to treat us.
How we allow people to treat us says a lot more about us than them and this goes for new friends as well as old, and acquaintances as well as family. If someone treats us badly, they obviously have some issues going on in their lives. But if we allow them to treat us badly, then we are saying we aren’t valuable enough.
It is time to start standing up for the person you are and stop letting people do things to you that affect you in a negative way.
Stop letting people do these things to you . . .
When someone is complaining they are stuck in a “woe is me” mentality and can’t contribute to your relationship in a positive way. Allow them to vent but make sure they are taking action to move beyond the complaint.
Give backhanded compliments
You know the kind the kind that sound like they should be a compliment but don’t make you feel like you were just complimented? Stop them and ask for real, genuine compliments when deserved.
Be too needy
If they run to you for help with their simplest tasks, they are robbing you of time. It might seem like it is a good thing to be needed but there must be a balance.
Demand all your time
It may seem cute at first to have someone want to spend every waking moment with you, but the demand for your time should subside after the “honeymoon” phase. If it doesn’t, you may have bigger problems on your hands.
Disapprove of your other friends
If they are finding things wrong with your other friends in the hopes you will give them up, you will never be able to grow your social support network. Their disapproval is not your problem.
Ask you to choose them over your family
They are seeking validation when they ask you to choose them over your family. Someone who truly cares about you should know how important your family is and the bonds you’ve shared over a lifetime.
Expect you to do all the compromising
A relationship is all about compromising but when you are the only person comprising there is bound to be trouble.
Most people don’t like to live in a constant state of arguing, and those that do are doing so as a form of control. You deserve better than to subject yourself to constant bickering and negativity.
Make you less than a priority
When everything and everyone else takes priority over you, then you need to stand up for yourself.
Have no faith in you
Relationships are built on trust. Without trust, there is no relationship.
Avoid sharing their feelings
It is impossible to grow a relationship without becoming a bit vulnerable and opening up and sharing how you feel. Be concerned if your partner isn’t emotionally available to you.
Constantly bring up the past
There is no good that comes from constantly bringing up past mistakes. You will just end up resenting the person in the end.
Keep track of your every move
Just because someone wants to know everything about you doesn’t mean they should. They should respect you enough to allow you to live your life and be okay with the fact that you have a life outside your relationship.
Be unkind to you and others
You deserve to be around people that have the ability to be kind. It’s as simple as that.
Have unusually high expectations
It is one thing to have high expectations for yourself but to impose those expectations on others is not acceptable. If you feel like you can’t measure up then, the relationship isn’t serving you.
Always find fault with your actions
If you feel like you can’t do anything right, then chances are you never will. Truly supportive relationships don’t place blame.
Be overeager to please
When someone is overeager to please, they are seeking validation from an outside source. That person is not emotionally stable enough to be in relationship with you.
Discount your dreams.
You must surround yourself with people who believe in your dreams, or you will have a hard time achieving them.
Blame you for what goes wrong in their life
Accepting responsibility for what happens in your life is an important part of being in a thriving relationship. Don’t allow someone else to shift the blame onto you.
Make you feel ashamed or embarrassed
If someone embarrasses you or makes you feel ashamed of something, they are more focused on covering up their part than supporting you through it.
When someone uses emotion or other “carrots” to get you to do something you don’t feel good about doing, they are using your love to manipulate you.
If you are the one that does all the work, then it isn’t a real partnership is it?
“Rewrite history” to make you look bad
They selectively remember events to make them look good, and you look bad. Make sure and correct their version of history and move on.
Use veiled threats
No good can come from a threat, even when done nicely. Partners do not threaten, they discuss and compromise.
If they are holding onto past actions and refuse to let them go, they are in essence letting go of the relationship instead.
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Bottom line: trust your inner voice. If something doesn’t feel quite right, then it probably isn’t, and it’s time to stick up for yourself.