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15 Hidden Behaviors That Hurt Relationships (And How To Avoid Them)

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A relationship can be excellent. Right up until it isn’t.

John Lennon once said, “We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.”

We’ve all had relationships that have felt as if they would go on forever. But they just couldn’t stand up to the stress or the problems endured in the end. Knowing the types of things that can cause a solid relationship to grow weak can help you avoid making the same errors.

Once you know the common issues that kill a relationship, you will learn how to avoid them or work on the problems and strengthen your relationship.

Here Are 15 Habits That Can Destroy Relationships And How To Avoid Them

relationship

1. Unkindness

No one wants to think that they’re being unkind to their significant other. And usually, partners aren’t being aloof overtly or cruelly. But instead, a time comes in a relationship where couples no longer support one another unconditionally. Instead, you may start saying “no” to things your significant other asks of you. This unkindness is subtler, and it can grow into resentment or feeling as if your partner doesn’t care about you.

How to avoid it?

To avoid this, make sure that you give your partner your full attention when they ask something of you. Say ‘yes’ more often. Let your partner know you care about them by accepting what they say to you.

Remember, “Research has shown that the way a problem is brought up determines both how the rest of that conversation will go and how the rest of the relationship will go,” says certified Gottman therapist Carrie Cole, M.Ed., LPC-S.

2. Fights that never end

When the relationship starts to crumble, you may find that you’re getting into fights with your significant other that don’t ever seem to have an end. You could be fighting over a ridiculous thing – it often doesn’t matter who’s right, but it’s the principle.

“There are good rows and bad rows but make no mistake – everybody argues. Ridiculing or humiliating each other is not a good idea, or a good omen,” says author Kate Figes. Frequently, these fights aren’t even about the matter at hand. Instead, they’re about feeling hurt, misunderstood, or taken advantage of.

How to avoid it?

Learn to take responsibility for yourself, your words, or your actions. You may not have intended to hurt your partner, but that could have happened. When you get defensive and can feel one of those never-ending fights coming on, try encouraging your partner to tell you why they’re upset and what you could do to make it better because “you are more likely to understand each other better,” adds Figes.

After all, it takes two people to argue.

3. Feeling lonely after a fight

After a fight that doesn’t seem to have a resolution, couples often isolate themselves to let the frustration and anger in the room dissipate. While it may be good every once in a while to go and cool off, it starts to get lonely. The love connection starts to falter when we don’t have the one person we count on to make us feel better by our sides after a fight. If you’re left to feel lonely after a row, it can cause resentment.

How to avoid it?

The best way to avoid this particular issue is to deal with it. After the fight has ended, it’s time to talk about it. Unpack what went wrong and why each other’s feelings got hurt. Validate what your partner is saying to you, and understand where you might have gone wrong. And remember to explain yourself as well. Tell your partner how you feel, so they can know where you’re coming from.

4. Changing history

When a relationship starts to go wrong, you may find that you begin rewriting things in your head a bit. To protect yourself, you start imagining that you were never in love with your partner in the first place. After all, it’s easier to leave a relationship you were never invested in than to leave one that you know will take pieces of you with it. You may begin to change the history of your relationship in your head entirely, just to make it easier for yourself to move on.

How to avoid it?

The way to fix this is to let your vulnerability show. Sit down with your partner and explain how you feel. When you have arguments, let yourself show the softer and more vulnerable side. Instead of turning away from your partner, turn towards them. They can’t help you keep history right unless you let them.

5. Your partner is a stranger

It can feel weird to sleep beside someone you had just gotten into a massive argument with. They had hurt your feelings, and now you return to your marriage bed, and it can feel like your partner is a stranger to you. You may begin to tell yourself that you never really knew them. You begin to think negatively about your partner and focus only on the negative things about them rather than all of the beautiful and good things they make you feel.

How to avoid it?

Instead of letting this fester, give your partner unexpected kindness. They may be feeling the same way. Show them that you love them through actions, and they’ll be able to do the same thing. “Becoming a more effective partner is the most efficient way to assure a loving, intimate relationship,” says psychotherapist, counselor, and author Judy Ford.

Remember all of the good things about your partner that they have shown you throughout your time together. Start showing the good parts of yourself again, too – and your partner will feel compelled to do the same.

6. Lack of communication

Lack of communication hurts a relationship. You know you can’t read your partner’s mind, so you need to ask them questions to draw them out. Good communication involves listening, asking questions to clarify what you heard, and honestly sharing your thoughts. Choose to be kind, even if you’re talking about a potentially hot topic.

How do we avoid a lack of communication?

Make communication a priority. Schedule one evening a week to just talk. You may want to have a topic to discuss. Be sure to choose to listen, ask questions, and share honestly.

7. Disrespect

Disrespect tells your partner you don’t care about them. Whether or not you realize it, there are many little things you do that are disrespectful. Disrespectfulness can be:

  • Eye rolling
  • Snarky comments
  • Forgetting to do something, they asked… time after time.
  • The sarcastic tone of voice.
  • Shaking your head about what they said.

These things belittle your partner and show you don’t value who they are as a person. Some people learn disrespect from their parent’s relationship. They assume this is the way a relationship should be.

How to avoid being disrespectful?

Break the cycle of disrespect. Choose to show respect for your words and actions. Value what your partner says, even if you disagree with them. They have a right to their opinion. Refuse to give in to the list above.

relationship

8. Lack compassion

Everyone needs compassion and empathy. A lack of understanding is hurtful to a relationship. When your partner is struggling at work, they need you to show kindness and not be critical of them. Criticism, backbiting, and judgment tears down relationships.

How to avoid a lack of compassion?

The best way to show compassion is to remember a golden rule to treat others the way you want someone to treat you. You want your partner to show you kindness when you’re going through difficulties, so show them the same.

9. Mistrust and jealousy

Jealousy tears a relationship apart. Relationships built on mistrust are more likely to fall apart. Repeatedly asking where your partner was or want to see their phone texts at work is assuming the worst about your partner. It assumes they are cheating on you.

How to avoid mistrust and jealousy:

Look for ways to build trust. Do things such as the following behaviors:

  • Keep your promises
  • Be home when you say you’ll be home
  • Don’t act secretive about where you’ve been. Be honest.
  • If you say you’ll do something for your partner, do it.
  • Be wise about who you follow and talk with on your social media.

Understanding how mistrust can jeopardize your relationship will help you work together as a couple to embrace trust and let go of jealousy.

10. Can’t laugh at themselves

Joking around and teasing are healthy parts of a relationship. If you take yourself too seriously, it’s not healthy. You may need to seek counseling if you’re too fragile to be teased. If you’re too proud to laugh at yourself, you need to humble yourself. No one is perfect, so it’s good to laugh at the imperfections.

How to avoid not laughing at yourself:

Researchers say that laughter has physiological benefits. Laughing helps reduce your stress and anxiety. Find ways to laugh by seeing the funny side of parenting, money issues, or broken pipes in your house. Whatever it is, try to lighten up the tension with a sweet joke or kind-hearted tease.

11. Not willing to change

When you’re in a relationship, your imperfections come out of hiding. Things that no one else knows about you, your partner will see. It’s a chance to be vulnerable and also potentially change. Maybe you never clean up after yourself. If you aren’t motivated to change and expect your partner to clean up after you, this will hurt your relationship.

How to avoid not wanting to change:

Be willing to change where you need to. If you love your partner, you’ll be ready to break bad habits that can hurt your relationship.

12. Not wanting to get to know friends and family members

Another harmful attitude in a relationship is when a partner refuses to get to know their partner’s friends or family members. Having a partner who won’t accept the people you love is painful. Your family is who you are. If your partner won’t accept them, it says something about how they feel about you.

How to avoid not wanting to meet your partner’s friends and family:

It’s simple, be willing to accept these people because your partner values them.

13. Negativity

Negativity hurts a relationship. It puts a damper on the atmosphere of the home. When you’re negative, you’re more prone to worry and feel overwhelmed by problems. Negativity can even affect your health.

How to avoid negativity:

Couples who focus on upbeat, positive ways to fix their problems fare better than those who don’t. Choose to be positive. Look for the good instead of seeing only the bad.

14. Lack faith in God

Studies show that individuals with faith in God are better at facing life’s challenges. Relationships built on faith in God have the depth to them. These couples look to something bigger than themselves to solve their problems. They don’t expect their partner to meet all their needs because they don’t find their identity in their partner but in God, their creator. This avoids putting pressure on your partner to be your “savior.”

How to avoid lack of faith in God:

Grow your faith together by attending church, reading spiritual books, and talking about what’s essential in life.

15. Not being humble

When you’re not humble, you are more focused on yourself than your relationship. It becomes all about how you feel and what you want. This drains the life out of your relationship. Humility says, “We’re all a mess. Let’s work together to fix our stuff.”

How to avoid not being humble:

Look for ways to humble yourself. Ask your partner for examples of how you come across as prideful. Maybe it’s how you talk or what you say. Get their input and then attempt to change.

relationship

Final Thoughts On Avoiding Behaviors That Harm Your Relationship

Falling out of love can happen before you even know it. By then, the relationship is already over. Instead of letting your relationship fail due to typical issues, learn the signs of a faltering relationship and be ready to take action to correct it. Sometimes, we may have to look deep into ourselves and ask if we’re bringing our best selves into the relationship. If the answer is no, then it’s time to change and show our partners that we love them through our actions.

“We don’t develop courage by being happy every day. We develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.” – Barbara De Angelis

You know that your relationship isn’t perfect, but these hidden behaviors can hurt your relationship. If you value your partner and your connection, look at this list and find a couple of areas where you can change. The slightest attempt can reap big rewards. Your healthy, happy relationship is worth the effort.

4 Behaviors of Someone Who is Emotionally Unstable

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Being emotionally unstable can signify a more significant issue within a person. In addition, an emotionally unstable person might have a personality disorder such as borderline personality disorder. It can also indicate childhood trauma, depression, or anxiety disorder. The signs of an emotionally unstable person can vary. They may show signs of depression and anxiety while exhibiting several behaviors that can affect themselves and the people around them.

Counselling Directory adds, “They may also have intense bouts of anger, anxiety or depression that can last several hours or even days. Mood swings will vary between periods of dysphoria to periods of euphoria, and from manic self-confidence to severe anxiety and irritability.”

If you know someone you suspect may be emotionally unstable, it’s essential to recognize the signs to understand them better and what they need. You’ll also be prepared to support them without allowing their behaviors to affect you personally or to get them the help that they need to work through these behaviors.

“Your emotions are very unstable and should never be the foundation for direction in your life.” – Joyce Me

Here Are Four Behaviors Of Someone Who’s Emotionally Unstable

Everyone experiences bouts of emotional or mental instability at some point in life. We must each deal with an unexpected death of a friend, a job loss, or heartbreak when we least expect it. Irrational thinking is an expected reaction–to a point. However, most of us can easily pull ourselves out of a tailspin after such an event.

But past traumas and mental illnesses can cause people to lack coping skills for dealing with it when life throws curve balls into their lives. And we should be concerned when this emotional instability becomes intrusive in someone’s life.

Identifying when someone lacks emotional stability can help avoid finding yourself in a challenging or unsafe situation. Look for these unstable behaviors.

emotionally unstable

1. Emotionally unstable people display impulsive actions

Someone who is emotionally unstable may be more prone to act impulsively. They may do things that could harm themselves and others without thinking it through.

For example, emotionally unstable people may be more likely to drive their cars extremely fast. Or they might drive under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Their impulsive actions are much more likely to be geared toward danger. In addition, they might also be more prone to impulsive spending or gambling. They have very little self-control and may not entirely understand delayed gratification. Doing these things may make them feel suitable for short periods because they cannot.

2. Emotionally immature people often have anger issues

One of the biggest hallmarks of an emotionally unstable person is an ongoing struggle with anger issues. An emotionally unstable person will often have issues controlling how they express their anger. They may snap back and forth between being perfectly pleasant and being furious. They’re not able to control their emotions healthily.

While they may just as well be prone to outbursts of sadness or happiness, their anger is much more damaging. They may shout and scream when they’re angry, or they may express their anger through violent actions. This doesn’t always mean they’ll physically harm the person they’re angry with, but they may slam doors and push objects.

However, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry Dr. Carol W. Berman states, “The most important tool is not to internalize the person’s behavior or take it too personally. Remember, it’s not about you. People with borderline personality disorder aren’t fully aware of their behavior and the effect on other people.”

3. On again, off-again relationships are a hallmark of emotionally unstable people

Someone who is emotionally unstable will also have difficulty keeping their relationships stable. They may volley between feeling very affectionately towards a person and then feeling angry at them shortly afterward.

Not only that, but they have a hard time keeping a stable relationship. They may start arguments and break up with their significant others, only to want to get back together after a few hours or days.

Former FBI Counterintelligence Agent and author Joe Navarro, M.A. said the following about emotional instability in a 2016 article in Psychology Today:

No one calls them “eggshell relationships,” but that is what they turn into. Relationships where you have to tread lightly—each day you wake up you are figuratively having to walk on eggshells because your partner or someone you know behaves or acts all too frequently with a constellation of traits that are just simply toxic. So toxic, that you have to be ever so careful around them lest they lash out at you. They do so because they are emotionally unstable.”

Their romantic relationships aren’t the only ones that suffer, however. Emotionally stable people have difficulty maintaining any relationships. Their friendships can suffer as well as their relationships with their family members. They may be estranged from their families and friends because their relationships suffer.

4. Emotionally unstable people have extreme reactions

Much like their anger issues, emotionally unstable people often have extreme reactions to real or perceived situations. If they perceive that they’re being wronged somehow, they may have a stronger reaction immediately instead of discovering more about the situation. Their perception of the world may be off, and they will react to that rather than the reality of the situation.

One of the most common perceptions that can cause an extreme reaction in emotionally unstable people is perceived abandonment. If they feel like their family or friends are abandoning them, whether or not this is true, it can cause an extremely adverse reaction.

emotionally unstableFinal Thoughts on Knowing When Someone Is Emotionally Unstable

People who suffer from emotional instability often have suffered through some trauma. They have had trouble developing the necessary tools to keep their emotions in line. Often, emotionally unstable people can benefit from a solid support system, therapy, and sometimes medication.

Emotionally unstable people often don’t mean to affect the people around them, but it can sometimes happen. If someone you know and are close to has issues with being emotionally stable, recognizing these behaviors can help you figure out what type of help they need to get them on the right track.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

20 Signs of An Autoimmune Disorder (And How To Reverse It)

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In the United States, we are currently experiencing an autoimmune disease epidemic. Here are a couple of statistics to consider:

  • Autoimmune disorders have increased by three hundred percent over the last fifty years.
  • Autoimmune disorders affect between 50 and 75 million Americans.
  • It is the third leading cause of chronic illness (besides heart disease and cancer).

Sometimes, it’s necessary to construct a health article that, on the surface, may seem depressing!

Please understand that we wish to inform all of our readers about the risks of certain diseases; and, more importantly, provide some valuable insight on the prevention and (when possible) treatment of health disorders.

Affirmation for Living With an Autoimmune Disorder

Here’s a beautiful phrase applicable to autoimmune diseases, found on Pinterest:

I fight for my health

Every day in ways

Most People Don’t Understand.

I Am Not Lazy.

I Am A WARRIOR.

autoimmune disorder

What Is an Autoimmune Disorder?

Although there are many types of autoimmune disorders and diseases, they all have one thing in common: an immune system that attacks itself.

The immune system is an intricate structure that has evolved to safeguard our health from foreign substances, e.g., toxins, that we encounter.

When some foreign material, whatever it may be, enters the body, our immune system immediately analyzes it and determines whether it is “friend or foe.” If foe, the immune system will produce antibodies to neutralize them.

Autoimmune disorders develop when the body is trying to fight off an allergen, infection, food, or toxin; and fails to distinguish between the intrusive substance and those naturally produced by the body.

The immune system is no different than most other parts of the body – it can change if exposed to prolonged stress. If this happens, our immune system may begin attacking healthy cells and tissues, triggering specific symptoms.

Twenty Common Signs of a Developing Autoimmune Condition

“I have recently been diagnosed with Sjogren’s Syndrome, an autoimmune disease which is an ongoing medical condition that affects my energy level and causes fatigue and joint pain.” ~ Venus Williams

As autoimmune disorders are wide-ranging in both the number and types of symptoms experienced, we will classify the signs according to body area. In this case, we will list symptoms that affect the adrenal glands, brain, gastrointestinal (GI) tract, joints and muscles, sinus, mouth and lungs, skin, and thyroid gland.

Brain signs:

1 – Anxiety: a persistent feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease.

2 – Attention deficit: difficulty sustaining attention, hyperactivity, impulsiveness.

3 – Brain fog: lack of mental clarity and decline in cognitive performance.

4 – Headaches: continuous pain around the head area.

GI tract:

5 – Bloating: swelling of the abdomen by fluid or gas.

6 – Constipation: an inability to pass stool.

7 – Stomach cramping: painful sensations around the abdominal area.

Joints & Muscles:

8 – Muscle Pain and Weakness: general muscle or muscle area pain.

9 – Joint and Muscle Stiffness and Pain: Might indicate fibromyalgia or rheumatoid arthritis.

Sinus, Mouth, & Lungs:

10 – Allergies: response by the body to a substance.

11 – Asthma: a condition marked by spasms in the lungs’ bronchi.

12 – Dry Mouth: reduced production of saliva within the mouth.

13 – Frequent Colds: increased susceptibility (usually, frequency) to colds.

Skin:

14 – Acne: a condition characterized by red pimples on the face.

15 – Dermatitis: skin that is red, swollen, and sore, sometimes containing small blisters.

16 – Eczema: skin that becomes rough and inflamed, with blisters that cause itching and bleeding.

17 – Psoriasis: a skin disease marked by red, itchy, scaly patches.

18 – Rosacea: enlargement of the facial blood vessels, giving the cheeks and nose a flushed appearance.

Thyroid (besides anxiety and fatigue, mentioned earlier):

19 – General malaise: a general feeling of discomfort, illness, or uneasiness.

20 – Weight fluctuations: rapid weight gain or loss in short periods.

Tips on Reversing Autoimmune Diseases and Disorders

Some estimate that environmental factors contribute about 75% to an immune disorder, while 25% are genetic. The environmental factors are definitively within our control.

Amy Myers, MD, and former Grave’s Disease patient, says:

“Through my experience as a functional medicine physician and working with thousands of autoimmune patients, I have identified five environmental factors that play a key role in the creation of autoimmune diseases:

  • Leaky gut
  • Diet
  • Toxins
  • Infections
  • Stress”

Dr. Myers explains that all of the above factors are a burden on the immune system; and that by addressing them, it is possible to return your immune system to its optimal state.

For example, leaky gut – a condition wherein the digestive tract experiences bloating, cramps, gas, foods sensitivities, aches, and pains – can be helped by consuming more probiotics.

autoimmune disorder

10 Impacts of Living With an Autoimmune Disorder

People who have an autoimmune disorder commonly report the following realities in their lives.  To do that, we will expand on some of the most prevalent symptoms above and explain how to deal with them.

1. Fatigue

Many people say that the first sign of an autoimmune disorder is debilitating fatigue. Fatigue is a common symptom of several different autoimmune diseases–which differs from being tired. It’s overwhelming exhaustion. Researchers aren’t clear why autoimmune diseases cause fatigue, but if you notice, even when you get a good night’s sleep, you feel exhausted. It might be good to get some blood work done to rule out the problem.

2. Gut problems

Some autoimmune disorders affect your digestive system. You may experience diarrhea, gas, cramping, or bloating. If you are experiencing changes like these in your gut, talk with your gastroenterologist. To rule out cancer, they may have you get a colonoscopy, a painless examination of your large and small bowel with a camera on a small tube that’s passed through your anus. If the scope is negative, your doctor may suggest you have an autoimmune condition, such as

  • Crohn’s disease
  • Ulcerative colitis
  • Celiac disease
  • Autoimmune hepatitis

Your gastroenterologist may prescribe a diet change or medication to relieve your symptoms.

3. Joint swelling and pain

Painful joints, swelling, and redness can occur if your autoimmune system attacks your joints. Over time, the inflammation from these attacks can cause damage to your bones and cartilage. This makes moving painful and even impossible for some people.  Medications can slow down the progression of an autoimmune disorder but not cure it. Rheumatoid arthritis is an autoimmune disorder that attacks healthy joint tissues. It can even lead to heart problems.

4. Skin color changes, rash or blistering

Skin problems are another standard indicator of an autoimmune condition. This happens when your immune system attacks your skin. Symptoms may include:

  • Swelling
  • Itching
  • Stiffness
  • Loss of pigment
  • Red patches
  • Purple bumps

Lupus is an autoimmune disorder that affects women more than men. It occurs when your body attacks your organs and tissues, causing inflammation. You can also get skin lesions from sun exposure.

5. Tingling or numbness

Don’t ignore it if you’re experiencing numbness or tingling sensations in your arms or legs. It could be an early sign of multiple sclerosis. This is an autoimmune disorder impact that can lead to death if not treated properly.  This disease damages the myelin sheath, the protective layers around the cells of your nervous system. That’s what causes the pain, tingling, and numbness you feel.  If you notice these signs, get a checkup right away.

6. Weight Gain or weight loss

If you suddenly gain or lose weight without trying, it could signify you have an autoimmune disorder. Thyroid conditions, which are common autoimmune disorders, could be the culprit of your weight changes. Women are especially at risk for thyroid problems. Other common thyroid signs include:

  • Constipation
  • Hair loss
  • Insomnia
  • Puffiness in your face
  • Hoarse voice
  • Fatigue
  • Weakness

Your doctor will do a blood test to check your thyroid levels are normal. Thyroid autoimmune disorders run in families. If other older family members suffer from this condition, there is a good chance you could too.

7. Nervousness or jittery

If you’re feeling restless and nervous, you may suffer from an autoimmune condition’s early symptoms that affect your thyroid gland. Grave’s disease is when your immune system attacks your thyroid gland. This causes your thyroid to produce too much hormone, making you feel jittery, irritable, and nervous. Your heart may beat too fast, and you feel extremely sensitive to the cold or heat.

8. Recurring fevers

Off and on fevers are common characteristics of an autoimmune disorder. These unexplained, recurrent fevers can hit at random times. Most of the time, the fevers don’t last long, but they will eventually stick around as other symptoms follow. If you experience recurring fevers, talk with your doctor about these symptoms. They will do tests to rule out certain diseases like cancer or infection.

9. Muscle weakness or soreness

Muscle soreness or weakness is joint for those who eventually develop an autoimmune disorder. The soreness may affect different muscles in your body. This soreness may feel like a deep bone type of soreness. These symptoms are hard to distinguish from overexertion or too much gardening after a workout. But if you notice the soreness persists and isn’t connected to physical activity, you may want to get it checked out.

10. Headache

Do you get headaches that tend to linger a long time? Maybe you suffer from migraines on an ongoing basis, but your doctor can’t figure out the cause. They may treat your symptoms but not get to the root cause.  Headaches are easily dismissed as stress, allergies, or weather changes. If you notice you’re getting a lot of headaches and your doctor can’t figure out the cause, you may want to see a specialist who deals with autoimmune disorders. They can run tests to eliminate other causes and discern whether you have an autoimmune disease.

autoimmune disorder

Final Thoughts On Understanding the Signs Of An Autoimmune Disorder

Autoimmune disorders are challenging to diagnose. Their symptoms are very similar to so many other illnesses. It may take years before you get a complete diagnosis of your condition. Fortunately, an autoimmune specialist can do blood tests to look for specific blood markers to show you have an autoimmune disorder. This test may not tell you which autoimmune disease since they are similar. Here are some things you can do to help get an accurate diagnosis of an autoimmune disorder

  • Please keep track of your symptoms: How long they last and when they occurred. Be sure to share this information with your doctor.
  • Learn if certain health conditions run in your family: Many autoimmune disorders are genetic. Learn your family’s health history. Talk to your grandparents, aunts, uncles, and parents. Sometimes people mention a condition you never heard of until you asked.
  • See a specialist who deals with your symptoms: See a dermatologist if you’re losing the pigment on your face.

25 Amazing Uses for Witch Hazel

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Witch hazel is an extract from the bark and leaves of a plant called Hamamelis virginiana, a wildly versatile substance. And it’s cheap, too! You can use it in your daily beauty and bathroom routine, on your skin, and all kinds of other things. Some of the most popular uses for witch hazel are for beauty routines, but there’s no end in sight for what witch hazel can do.

25 Incredibly Amazing Uses For Witch Hazel You Didn’t Know About

“Witch hazel is a mild astringent. It cools the skin, relieves redness, and tightens the pores. It is also antimicrobial, so it helps to fight breakouts.” – Robert Hensley, Aesthetician and Celebrity Makeup Artist

1. REMOVE YOUR MAKEUP

Instead of buying make up remover or dirtying another washcloth, use some witch hazel in a handmade makeup remover recipe! It’ll save you time and money at the end of the day when you’re getting rid of all your hard to remove makeup.

2. CLEAN YOUR SKIN

Witch hazel is perfect for getting rid of all the excess oil on your skin and sweat and dirt. It doesn’t dry your skin out, either! Use some witch hazel once a day to clean your face and you’ll be amazed at how great you feel. According to aesthetician and celebrity makeup artist, Robert Hensley, “Applying witch hazel to the skin with a cotton round after a shower or after physical exertion helps to save your complexion in the summer months.”

3. ACNE TREATMENT

When you clean your skin with witch hazel, your acne will start to clear up because you’re already getting rid of all that excess oil that irritates your skin and causes breakouts. It’ll unclog your pores and let your acne dry out and heal up.

4. SHRINKING PORES

Open pores are the bane of anyone’s existence. A bit of witch hazel is the best way to close them up and make them smaller. This is especially good if you suffer from acne or overly oily skin.

5. DANDRUFF TREATMENT

Dandruff is both annoying and a little embarrassing. If you’re struggling to figure out the best way to get rid of that dry, flaky skin on your scalp – just massage some witch hazel into your scalp! Wash it off with your regular shampoo and conditioner. It’ll help clear your dandruff right up.

6. PREVENT OR REDUCE STRETCH MARKS

This is perfect for pregnant women, or anyone who struggles with fluctuating weight. Stretch marks can be prevented altogether, or their appearance of them reduced with just a bit of witch hazel. It tightens the loose skin around the marks and makes them smaller.

7. REDUCE VARICOSE VEINS

Varicose veins often pop up in pregnant women, and they can be uncomfortable and unsightly. Witch hazel can help reduce their appearance as well as alleviate the discomfort that they may cause.

8. REDUCE DARK CIRCLES UNDER YOUR EYES

When we’re tired, bags tend to form under our eyes. This is especially true for people who work busy hours or are still students! Witch hazel tightens the skin, which will help reduce the appearance of those dark, baggy circles under the eyes.

9. REDUCE PUFFY EYES

Allergies, exhaustion, crying, or any other irritant can cause your eyes to get a little puffy and red. This can be uncomfortable, so the best way to get rid of them is to dab a cotton ball with witch hazel and set it on your closed eye. Wait about ten minutes, and there should be a marked reduction in inflammation! Dermatologist Dr. Ellen Marmur stated, “Witch Hazel has an astringent in it, kind of like alcohol, so what it does is, it shrinks things down. It can shrink down the puffy bags under the eyes, constricting the blood vessel, we call that vesoconstriction.”

10. CONTROL FRIZZY HAIR

Does your hair get out of control frizzy when you let it dry? Mix a bit of shampoo in with some witch hazel before washing frizzy hair, and the results will be stunning. It can help tame the frizziness!

11. NATURAL DEODORANT

Making natural deodorant is easy as pie with a half cup of witch hazel, quarter teaspoon of baking soda, quarter cup of aloe vera, and ten drops of any essential oil you like! Mix together and put in a spray bottle for natural, chemical free deodorant.

12. RELIEVE DIAPER RASH

If you have a baby who’s prone to getting a sore bum, witch hazel is a great and natural way to soothe that diaper rash. Apply it to your baby’s skin with a cotton ball for quick relief.

13. SOOTHE CHICKEN POX

While there’s no real cure to chicken pox other than to wait them out, the best way to help soothe your child’s discomfort is a bit of witch hazel! Mix it in with some water and dab it on the itchy area. It should soothe discomfort and alleviate the itching.

14. TREAT RAZOR BURN

This is great for any area that you’re shaving, be it your legs, underarms or face. Applying some witch hazel to your skin after shaving will reduce the inflammation, which can soothe and even prevent razor burn. Dr. Ellen Marmur mentions that, “A lot of people use Witch Hazel after shaving, also to make the redness go away, because it is an anti-inflammatory. And lastly, it’s an antioxidant.”

15. SOOTHE SUNBURN

If you end up out in the sun without sunscreen, you may accidentally find yourself with a bit of burnt shoulders. Witch hazel’s anti-inflammatory nature is perfect for treating the discomfort of sunburn, as well as speeding up the healing process and preventing too much peeling.

16. SOOTHE A SORE THROAT

Gargling with salt water is usually the tried and true method of getting some relief from a sore throat. If that’s not doing the trick, try making a special tea out of witch hazel, cloves, and myrrh. Don’t drink it, though! Gargle the tea and let the witch hazel do its match.

17. RELIEVE BUG BITES

Us humans are tasty treats to summertime bugs, especially mosquitoes. It’s hard not to get a bite or two when spending the day outside. Witch hazel is perfect for relieving the inflammation and reducing the itchiness of those persistent bug bites.

18. SOOTHE POISON IVY

Outdoorsy people can attest to the inconvenience of accidentally stumbling over some poison ivy or poison oak. Kids tend not to know the plants on sight and can get covered in itchiness. Witch hazel will relief that itchy feeling and reduce the swelling.

19. TREATING WOUNDS

If you have a small cut or scrape, witch hazel is the perfect way to clean out the wound. Witch hazel is an antiseptic, so it’s useful for cleaning and disinfecting small wounds to reduce the chance of an infection.

20. CLEAN YOUR CAT OR DOG’S EARS

Cleaning your pet’s ears can be tricky, especially since they’re so sensitive. A great way to clean those little ears is to get a rag and soak it in witch hazel. Scrub around the outside or inside of the ears to clean it up.

21. STAIN REMOVAL

Tough and stubborn stains don’t always need an expensive product to get them out! Witch hazel will work just fine. Mix your witch hazel with some white toothpaste and get to scrubbing.

22. CLEAN THE BATHROOM

Again, no need to break out the expensive products! Mix lemon juice, baking soda and witch hazel to make your at-home cleaner. Scrub out mildew, stains and even soap scum without all the added chemicals of bathroom cleaner.

23. CLEAN THE FLOORS

Once more, forget the expensive cleaning products. Witch hazel is a fraction of the cost and does a better job. Pour half a cup of witch hazel into a gallon of warm water. This is perfect for mopping tile and linoleum floors.

24. NATURAL DIY AIR FRESHENER

Like making your deodorant, witch hazel can also be used as an air freshener. Just mix one cup of water, half cup of witch hazel, and fifteen drops of your favorite essential oil. Mix that all together and stick it in a spray bottle of eco-friendly air freshener!

25. EYEGLASS CLEANER

One-part water and one part witch hazel, with just a drop of soap, will make a glasses cleaner that’s way less expensive and full of less chemicals than your regular glasses cleaner.

Witch hazel has a variety of uses, and this is just a handful! It’s natural, cheap, and better for you, your home and the environment! Get a load of these easy witch hazel tricks and enjoy how much better life is on the witchy side.

References
Skin Experts Spill Their No. 1 Summer Skin Care Tips https://verilymag.com/2017/06/skin-experts-share-their-summer-skin-care-tips
How Is Witch Hazel Used to Treat Skin? https://www.sharecare.com/video/sharecare-experts/ellen-marmur/how-is-witch-hazel-used-to-treat-skin

The Singlemost Important Phrase To Never Say Around Your Kids

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“Sometimes I despair for the kids these days, I really do…I was supposed to think they were having too much sex or doing too many drugs and not listening to their wiser elders. Instead, I’m worried that they are not getting themselves into enough trouble.” – Megan McArdle, “Why kids today aren’t getting into enough trouble.”

For the purpose of this article, we’re going to define childhood as early childhood [3-8 years] to middle childhood [9 to 11 years]; Please keep this age range in mind as you read through the contents. Thanks!

Unless a child possesses both genius-level intellect and unwavering self-discipline (virtually impossible), it’s highly unlikely they’ll concern themselves too much with the so-called “social norms.”

This is a good thing. Scratch that; it’s a great thing.

Let’s ask ourselves an important question:

What are the most important things during childhood?

Hopefully, the answer doesn’t emphasize “lessons” of the 1930’s variety. We are not implying that a disciplinarian mindset isn’t sometimes unnecessary. It absolutely is. (We’ll touch on this later.)

We can and should correct acts of rudeness, potential (or real) acts of harm, disrespect, and so forth.

That said, childhood is a time for play – especially during early childhood. It’s a time for exploration; for discovering who they are in a world, they don’t yet understand. Heaven willing, the youngster will have 70-plus years of “being an adult.”

children

Why this obsessive over-parenting?

The brilliant George Carlin, in a classic skit, put over-parenting in blunt terms, as he always did (expletives omitted):

“Now, speaking of parents and speaking of ********; two ideas that aren’t always mutually exclusive by the way … there’s this excessive “devotion” to children; I’m talking about today’s ‘professional parents.’ These obsessive diaper-sniffers who are over-scheduling and overmanaging their children and robbing them of their childhoods…

Even the simple act of playing has been taken from them and put on ‘Mommy’s schedule.’ Playing – something that should be spontaneous and free is now being rigidly planned.”

Carlin’s sentiments certainly don’t apply to all parents, but they apply to far too many.

Which leads us to this – the topic at hand.

The Singlemost Important Phrase To Never Say Around Your Kids

Read the following sentence and see if you can find a couple of things wrong with it:

“My child would n-e-v-e-r do that.”

Have an answer? Okay, good.

Don’t have an answer? Alright, good. Moving on.

Ok – hopefully the person making the statement mentioned above is referring to their kid running into the street. Maybe they’re talking about their child not punching or kicking some other kid on the playground. If so, kudos to them.

But there are a couple of things wrong with it:

#1 There’s a possibility that the kid would “do that” despite your best efforts.

#2 It’s completely age-biased; that is, the parent is thinking from a mature adult perspective. Children don’t always share their this outlook.

Melissa Fenton, in a piece appearing on the website Scary Mommy, writes:

“It’s ever so easy to sit back and witness life from your shielded sidelines, thinking (your children) are immune to the temptations and desires that plague the rest of us.”

This statement is ironic to say the least.

Which leads us to #3: Perhaps the thing the child would “n-e-v-e-r” do is something they should.

People of all ages – children and adults, alike – learn life’s most valuable lessons from making mistakes. Most children, of course, lack the emotional self-regulation to minimize errors. This state of mind doesn’t yet apply to them.

So, what happens when a child does something unexpected? Something they would “n-e-v-e-r” do?

Of course, the answer to this question varies. Are we talking about a kid who deliberately disrespects a teacher or peer? Or, are we talking about a kid who bypasses their homework for a video game session?

In other words, did the child’s actions violate the rights of another person, or was it a lapse of responsibility/judgment?

The latter act is a “kid being a kid” – something that all children do, whether or not they make that “something” known.

The former is (or should be) considered unacceptable, as it is a violation against (1) a recognized institution – the school, and (2) a human being – the teacher [who is also in a position of authority] or another child.

Nobody can – and nobody should – tell you how to raise your kids

Your rights as a parent are exactly that: your rights.

Bear in mind, however, that your child possesses rights as well.

Is there not something to be said about a well-balanced childhood?

A childhood that involves the proper use of discipline while permitting a healthy dose of autonomy?

A childhood where homework and play are equally encouraged?

Agatha Christie, the best-selling fiction author of all time, sums up the beauty (and importance) of our young years:

“One of the luckiest things that can happen to you in life is, I think, to have a happy childhood.”

May we contribute to the happiness of that childhood.

https://youtu.be/Q_U6VY7lNbI

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
References:
http://nypost.com/2015/07/10/why-kids-today-arent-getting-into-enough-trouble/
http://www.scarymommy.com/dont-say-my-kid-would-never-do-that/
https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/agathachri401066.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhB_MYwQdkI

What Is Your Most Attractive Trait, According to Your Zodiac Sign?

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Everyone possesses things about themselves that they could improve upon, but today, we want to focus on all the wonderful qualities humans have. Specifically, we will talk about how your zodiac sign relates to your best traits. Hopefully, this will give you a boost in confidence or maybe even some bragging rights if you have a conversation with someone about the most attractive zodiac signs.

Without further ado, here are the most attractive traits of each sign.

What Is Your Most Attractive Trait, According To Your Zodiac Sign?

loyalty meme

ARIES

Aries, you stop at nothing to get what you want, and you have no fear about what it takes to reach your goals. You have the drive, ambition, inner strength, confidence, and the charisma to get things done! You also have a great sense of adventure and spontaneity that makes people flock to you.

TAURUS

Taurus, you might be a bull, but you have the work ethic of a horse. You don’t stop when you’re tired; you stop when you’re done, which allows you to persevere in hard times. You don’t shy away from difficult or tedious jobs, and people can always count on you to do something right the first time, which is an attractive quality. In addition to your strong work ethic, you enjoy the finer things in life, and know how to treat a man or woman on a date. You work so hard that you feel you deserve treating yourself and others, to life’s many luxuries.

GEMINI

Gemini, you have the type of charisma that draws people to you like a moth to a flame. You are open-minded, curious, passionate, friendly, and outgoing. People love you for your endless conversational ability and fun, optimistic personality. You never have a problem making friends, because you provide entertainment and laughs to anyone who has the privilege of being in your company.

CANCER

Cancer, you might hate feeling everything so deeply, but this is your secret weapon and your greatest strength. You have the ability to listen to people’s deepest troubles and give them a shoulder to cry on when they need it most. You’re a loyal, dependable friend in people’s darkest hours, and you give them comfort and compassion. The world needs more people like you, dear friends.

LEO

Leo, you light up the room when you step foot in it, because your smile and outgoing personality put you in the spotlight instantly. People gravitate toward you because of your big personality, and they stay because of your generosity. You’re kind-hearted, sincere, and funny, and you bring people together with your great leadership abilities.

VIRGO

Virgo, you are the zodiac’s problem-solver, able to think clearly even in the midst of chaos. You don’t let your emotions get the best of you, always thinking logically and analytically. You give great advice to others because of your voice of reason, and your intellect and organization skills will take you far in life.

LIBRA

Libras hate being alone, which makes them great relationship partners. They are giving, loving, and charming people who avoid conflict at any cost. Libra, you are also the humanitarian of the zodiac, which means your big heart can help make lasting changes in this world. You stand up for injustice when you see it, and strive for balance at all times in both your personal life and surrounding environment.

SCORPIO

Scorpio, you are the mystery of the zodiac. You are actually very passionate and headstrong, but you don’t let people see that side of you until you trust them completely. You have an intense personality that carries over into all facets of your life (including the bedroom)! People might say you’re aloof and withdrawn, but they just don’t know you well enough yet. You are courageous, strong, and creative, and you are an excellent lover to whomever you choose.

SAGITTARIUS

Sagittarius, your humor, adventurous streak, and free-spirited personality make life fun for both you and anyone who crosses your path. You don’t like taking things too seriously, and don’t like being tied down. You’re always on the move, preferring to stay active and see new things rather than sit on the sidelines waiting for life to happen. People can always count on you to make them laugh and see the bright side of things! Your zeal makes you very attractive to others.

CAPRICORN

Capricorn, you work just as hard as Taurus and are headstrong like the bull too. You’re reliable and trustworthy and make an excellent leader in whatever field you work in. You’re responsible, successful, intelligent, and put your family and friends first. You don’t like letting people down, and work hard to keep your promises. People like you because they can count on you, especially in times of crisis.

AQUARIUS

Aquarius, you’re also a mystery in the zodiac with your nonchalant, dreamy personality. You are a conversationalist, yet you spend a lot of your time daydreaming. You’re both in this world and out of it, enjoying talking to others and traveling and philosophizing, and planning your next adventure when you get some alone time. You’re creative, quirky, and carefree, not caring much for guidelines or strict rules. You live life on your own terms and don’t accept limits on anything you do. You’re independent as well, marching to the beat of your own drum.

PISCES

Pisces, you’re creative, sensitive, and gentle, spending a lot of time in your own head dreaming of faraway lands and other worlds. Your empathy and caring nature allow you to connect with others seamlessly, and people can count on you to listen and give advice when they need it. That kindness is both endearing and attractive to others.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
Sources:
https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/attractive-trait-zodiac-sign/
https://thoughtcatalog.com/erin-cossetta/2017/05/these-are-the-5-best-personality-traits-for-each-zodiac-sign/

6 Physical Signs of A Spiritual Awakening

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A spiritual awakening means something different to everyone, but most of us have a few signs in common when we do go through changes on this level. Awakening spiritually has a lot to do with shedding your old self and beliefs and coming into a fuller understanding of who you are on a deep cosmic level. It doesn’t mean you’ve changed, as the wise Chopra said above, but rather, you’ve shifted your perspective and no longer see the world and yourself through a limited lens. You see the big picture, and understand that you’re a small part of a grander plan and the whole plan at the same time. With all of these spiritual changes and new understandings come changes both mentally and physically, as well.

We’ll go over some of the symptoms you may experience as you go through a spiritual awakening.

Here are 6 physical signs of a spiritual awakening:

“Awakening is not changing who you are but discarding who you are not.” – Deepak Chopra

1. Your senses are magnified.

You’ll feel, hear, see, smell, and taste everything much more vividly. You might taste more flavors in the foods you eat, and actually be able to distinguish between them. Colors will seem more vibrant to you, and the world may seem “sharper.” You might hear more conversations going on with other people in public than you had before, simply because your hearing is amplified. Smells, both good and bad, are more apparent to you now.  All of these changes occur because your vibration, or frequency, is rising rapidly, which comes with the ability to sense everything more intensely.

2. A desire for a healthier lifestyle.

As you continue to go down your spiritual path, you might have a desire to feel “lighter.” You’ll want to eliminate everything from your life that weighs you down, including poor diet and lifestyle habits. The foods we eat have a great impact on how we feel mentally and emotionally. As a result, you will likely have an inclination to eat a much more clean diet. Your vibration is increasing, so naturally, you’ll want to give your body the foods it needs to keep your energy levels up. Even if you haven’t been much of a fan of exercise, you might find yourself engaging in more physical activities, as well.

3. Weird sleeping patterns.

With all of the energetic changes happening to you, you might find yourself having odd sleeping routines. Some nights, it could take you hours to go to sleep, and other nights, you might get into bed and fall asleep immediately. You may find yourself waking in the middle of the night for no apparent reason and have difficulty falling back asleep. If you’ve never suffered from insomnia before, you may find that it’s now becoming an issue. Simply put, you’ll have nights where you can’t wait to get into bed and go to sleep, and others where you don’t feel tired at all. It’s all a normal part of your spiritual awakening, so don’t worry too much. If you do have difficulty getting to sleep, try to have a relaxing bedtime routine and stay off electronics a couple hours before bed.

4. Tingling sensation in your head.

As your consciousness literally expands, this will cause inevitable changes in your brain. New information and knowledge is passing through your brain every day, and this may result in “funny” feelings in your brain. As long as you don’t have co-occurring migraines with the tingling sensations, you shouldn’t have anything to worry about. The pressure in your head is simply trying to balance itself out due to the expansion of consciousness that you’re experiencing.

5. Your emotions are more turbulent.

You might ask “How is this a physical sensation?” Well, emotions have a very real physical response in our bodies. You might feel exuberant one day, leading to increased energy and more feel-good chemicals being released. However, you might feel moody and depressed the next day, which would result in low energy and more cortisol in your body. All of these chemical reactions in your body will also have an effect on your emotions, which creates a vicious cycle indeed. Don’t try to fight your emotions; just go with the flow and allow them to pass through you without judgement. Then, release them gently and make sure to take time for self-care and healing during this time.

awakening

6. Cravings for certain foods.

As you become more in touch with your mind, body, and spirit, you’ll start to know exactly what your body needs to function optimally. If you find yourself craving salty foods, this means you need to include more vegetables in your diet. If you crave something sweet, go for an apple or banana. You will start to learn the ins and outs of your body and will begin to listen to it for information about what it requires nutritionally. You might also have a sudden distaste for foods you used to love, such as pizza, ice cream, or anything “heavy.” Food intolerances might creep up on you as well, due to your DNA literally changing as you continue to evolve spiritually.

Sources:
http://www.wakingtimes.com/2013/03/21/51-symptoms-of-spiritual-awakening-how-many-do-you-have/
https://corbiemitleid.com/spiritual-awakening/spiritual-awakening-physical-symptoms/

9 Signs Your Partner Is Mature Enough To Handle A Relationship

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“If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.” – Steve Jobs.

The beginning of a relationship can be a whirlwind of excitement. Glances across a crowded room, flirtatious chats, all that intimate tension. Unfortunately, many of us have had these honeymoon stage feelings and only found out later that our partner wasn’t anywhere near ready to handle a relationship.

While the relationship can be fun and casual, you’ll also want to make sure that you know the signs of when your partner is really ready to take the next step into a mature and adult relationship. Some people just don’t have the experience, while others just aren’t ready to mature yet.

But how can you identify a mature partner?

“Many women talk about dating a “mature man”.  What they’re really referring to is “emotional maturity.”  An emotionally mature man is a man who won’t shut you out the minute things get stressful in his life,” says author Christian Carter.

Make sure you know the signs of when your partner is ready to take that next step with you.

9 Signs Your Partner Is Ready To Handle A Relationship

1. They’re willing to show vulnerability

If your significant other is flighty, cagey and doesn’t seem to want to open up, it may be a sign that they’re just not ready for a real relationship. After all, a key component of being in a relationship is the ability and the willingness to be vulnerable with your partner. Your partner should be willing to share their feelings with you, even when those feelings are upsetting or uncomfortable.

2. They’re authentic

Your partner should act and feel like a real person. You shouldn’t have to watch them put on a show for the people around you. If your partner is authentic, it means that they’re willing to stick to their core beliefs, and don’t feel a need to fake it around other people. Your partner should be entirely comfortable with who they are. If they aren’t, how are they going to be comfortable in a relationship?

3. They’re self-sufficient

If something comes up or things don’t go their way, they’re able to handle it with grace rather than throwing a fit. You want to be sure that your partner is able to go with the flow, because life and relationships are always going to be changing when we least expect it.

You don’t want a partner who is using you for financial gain.

“It is important that someone be able to take care of themselves emotionally and physically. If they can’t, they will never be able to provide the support they need to provide when that is called for,” says clinical psychologist and author Mark E. Sharp, Ph.D.

Having a partner who is flexible and easily able to handle change means that they’re definitely ready and mature enough to be in a relationship.

4. They’re intimate

Having a good sex life is a pretty important part of having a mature relationship. If your partner has troubles with intimacy, it may be a sign that they’re just not ready to take that step with you. And that’s okay! People move at their own pace. Your partner should always be intimate in ways that aren’t just limited to sex. They should be able to share their feelings with you, and share parts of themselves that they don’t with other people. That is an important part of intimacy.

mature relationship

5. They have good financial habits

The hallmark of someone who isn’t mature enough to be in a relationship is their inability to handle their finances. They should be able to pay their bills on time without accidentally overspending on things that they shouldn’t. If your partner has good financial habits and isn’t constantly running out of money on things they don’t need, it’s safe to say they’re mature enough to handle a relationship.

6. They have goals and stick with them

Having goals is good, but sometimes people just put them on a shelf and forget to actually try and achieve them. You want to make sure your partner has the ability to make goals and also follow through with them. If they want to lose a few pounds, your partner should have the control to change their diet or exercise in order to do so – instead of just saying they want to without doing anything.

7. They’re a good person

Being a good person is a culmination of many things. How do they treat strangers, service workers, their friends and their parents? What are their values? How do they feel about helping others? A lot of being a good person is knowing when to be selfless. If your partner has a hard time thinking about anyone other than themselves, then they might not be ready to think about you.  

A good person is one who has “respect and kindness in his words and actions. You don’t feel belittled or less than even if he isn’t happy with you. He stands with you and has your back when you are struggling. Your priorities become important to him,” says marriage counselor and author Lesli Doares.

8. They’re self-aware

Your partner should be able to notice both their strengths and their weaknesses. You want a partner who has a balanced view of themselves. If they think too highly of themselves, they may not be able to recognize when they’re in the wrong. If they think too lowly of themselves, they may not have the self-esteem it takes to maintain a relationship. Keep an eye out for your partner’s self-awareness; it’ll be a huge indicator of when they’re ready for a relationship.

9. They respect your differences

Not only do they respect them, but they also appreciate them. Your partner should appreciate your differences, and respect you as a person enough to not try and change them. If you find that your partner can’t seem to see past your differences, it may be a sign they’re not ready to handle a relationship.

Because, “To have a great relationship, there needs to be a high level of respect on the part of both partners. Couples who are less intentional and accomplished in this area will find that their lack of respect holds their partnership down to a lower level of well-being,” say authors Linda Bloom, L.C.S.W., and Charlie Bloom, M.S.W

On the other hand, if they can accept you for who you are, then chances are they’re mature and ready.

Final thoughts

Making sure your partner hits these checkpoints of maturity is important to knowing whether or not they’re really ready for a relationship. But at the same time, it’s important that you can say the same thing about yourself, as well! Relationships take two people to work, and you want to make sure you’re not holding your partner to a higher standard than yourself.

What Causes People To Have Stress (And How to Avoid It)

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Stress – it’s a serious problem out there.

Maybe there’s a serious problem in there, with you. Don’t fret, my friend. You’re in the company of billions of others.

We’re all perpetually stressed.

It’s easy, and justifiable, to place some blame on the external world (“modern society”) and the feverish pace we’re instructed to live our lives.

What makes it worse is that we’re told: “That’s life.” Got a job you hate? “That’s life.” Barely making ends meet? “That’s life.”

No. The phrase “That’s life” is paradoxical as it is pointless.

The truth that evades so many of us is this: external influences affect us as much as we allow and no more.

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18.1% of the population every year. ~ The Anxiety and Depression Association Of America

A lesson from long ago…

Siddhartha Gautama, otherwise known as the Buddha, was a real, historical figure, born into a royal family in ancient India. He had everything: wealth, loving parents, the best clothing, servants, and so forth.

But he was deeply discontented.

For a long period, Siddhartha didn’t know exactly why he felt this way. His father, knowing the struggles of the masses, refused to let the young man outside of the palace walls.

The young Prince had enough of his father’s protectionism.

All it took was one jaunt outside of his palace to see the multitudes suffering from poverty, sickness, and despair.

Now young Siddhartha knew why he was disturbed; which led to another question (naturally): why is there so much suffering?

The Prince shed his royal garb, said his goodbyes, and went on a deeply personal search.

After a long period of searching for answers to no avail, Siddhartha refused to move from under a Bodhi tree until he received some sensible answers.

The story goes that Siddhartha sat there for days in meditation. When he awoke, the story goes, Siddhartha was no longer. He was enlightened and became the Buddha.

Buddhists use the term enlightenment to describe “an internal awakening.”

His words would penetrate the souls of people who listened and have categorically baffled the brightest skeptics to this day.

Case In Point

Robert Wright, a world-renowned professor and author of Why Buddhism Is True says:

“The reason we suffer and the reason why we make other people suffer is that we don’t see the world clearly…Buddhism’s diagnosis of the human predicament is deeply valid and urgently important.”

Wright goes on to explain that Buddha knew this well before his time.

Furthermore, Wright explains – like so many other scholars have – that Buddha’s insights into the human mind and meditation are astonishing to the point that they’re just now being recognized as “valid” by legions of brain scientists and their ilk.

What Causes People To Have Stress (And How to Avoid It)

From Buddha to the Brain

Perhaps following the Buddha’s claims, psychologists and neuroscientists continue to show – over and over again – that external “pleasures” can not make us happy for long.

In fact, the very things we “can’t live without” can be detrimental to our mental well-being if used to excess. Yes, this means our cell phones, computers, makeup, cigarettes, alcohol, and every type of luxury.

On a neuroscientific level, our brain’s have evolved considerably over the millennia. However, we are still stuck with the reptilian brain, the amygdala, which is responsible for the fight-or-flight response.

What’s considerably different is the trigger.

That is, we’re not on-edge about some carnivorous predator that may or may not be lurking in the bushes. Instead, we’re overstimulated by noise and busyness.

stress

We’re perpetually “rushed.” Our fight-or-flight response is also triggered by the very possessions so many of us cherish.

None of this is good for the mind, body, or soul.

What’s the solution?

The answer here is “simple”: you must rid yourself of modern society’s “triggers” at least some of the time.

Logically, there’s no reason to have our cell phones on and by our side 24/7. Rationally, watching 4 or more hours of television is unhealthy and intellectually worthless. Sensibly, consuming a diet of mostly processed foods is foolish and unwholesome.

Minimalism

There’s a reason why things like minimalism, meditation, organic foods, vegetarianism, mindfulness, aromatherapy, acupuncture, and prayer exist.

There’s a reason why people give up their “stuff” and seek a different path.

We needn’t be drastic in our actions. For example, this author found a wonderful white noise application that calms his mind. The phone stays out of his eye line. Organic food is consumed whenever possible. Meditation is practiced for a minimum of half an hour daily.

All of these things, which are ways of life for many, are the answer to why we experience so much stress. Bear in mind that not everyone will have the same “answer.”

We cannot possibly eradicate all stress.

We can – and should – reduce our exposure to it.

Put your phone away, get out into nature, take a mindfulness meditation course.

Breathe.

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