Weekly tips, affirmations, and small actions to feel your best.

10 Rituals That Will Change Your Next Meal

On a very basic level, we eat because we are hungry, and our bodies require fuel to live. But a meal is much more than that, it connects us to our heritage, it grows our relationships and it can even comfort us in our time of need. Eating is a privilege many take for granted when it should be a ritual that fosters connectedness.

Many of our food interactions happen because of triggers and feelings that go unnoticed. These triggers establish bad eating habits like eating on the go and snacking when you aren’t hungry. Increasing your awareness of your triggers and feeling in relation to food can help create better-eating habits.

There has been a lot of talk lately about eating mindfully. There is growing research that says our attitudes and practices around mealtime rituals are as important as what it is we put in our mouths. But what does mindful eating really mean?

Mindful eating is a Buddhist practice designed to create a connection with the intention of being present at mealtime. When you are eating mindfully, there is no right or wrong way to eat because you are basing your meals on physical cues, not emotional ones.

When you make the switch from eating mindlessly and out of habit to eating mindfully and with intention, you will create a healthier and happier relationship with food.

Practicing mindful eating can help solve eating issues by increasing awareness of your patterns. It will help you break your bad habits around food while creating healthier ones.

Some additional benefits of being mindful around eating are:

  • You become more aware of your body and its needs
  • It improves digestion and reduces overeating
  • It changes the way you think and how you manage your emotions

Being aware of eating habits and your mealtime rituals will ease the struggle with food and create meaningful and positive experiences worth remembering.

Here are 10 rituals that will completely change your next meal.

Stop Multitasking

You can’t truly appreciate the food on your plate, and the other people present at your meal if you are checking email, texting or watching television. Make mealtime dedicated to the meal and the people you are breaking bread with.

Eat at The Table

We are an “on-the-go” society. There is a lot of eating in the car, at our desks and standing at the counter going on these days. When you make it a habit to eat at a table while sitting down, you are making your food choices a priority. Plus, it can help minimize snacking and mindless over-eating.

Chew Your Food

This may sound like an obvious thing but how many times have you inhaled a meal due to time constraints? If someone were to ask you how it tasted, you probably wouldn’t know how to respond.

Take the time to chew your food. Taste it and appreciate it, be aware of how eating this food is making you feel.

Use Your Senses

As you eat the beautifully prepared food on your plate, use all of your senses. Appreciate the appearance, take in the smell, identify the spices used in the dish, and find the different textures on the plate.

Talk about these things with your mealtime companions. When you spend time truly appreciating your food using all of your senses, you are more connected with your food and your companions.

Choose Quality Foods

There is a time when quantity matters but when it comes to food, it’s quality that should be the focus. Our perception of portion sizes is way out of whack thanks to restaurants trying to win over new customers. When you choose quality foods, your body is getting the nutrition it needs.

Spend Time Preparing Your Food

Nothing makes a meal time better than preparing it with people you care about. Make preparing dinner together a ritual and your mealtime will be happier as a result.

Foster a relaxing and fun environment in the kitchen, use fresh ingredients that fill the room with intoxicating scents and take your time to enjoy each other and the experience.

Express Gratitude

Nothing is more meaningful than expressing gratitude and doing so with intention. Be grateful for the beautiful food, the engaging conversation, and the ability to come together. Being grateful is the greatest gift to mealtime you can give.

These rituals might be simple, but their ability to transform your next meal is great. Take the time to learn what makes you feel good and what makes you feel more connected to your food and those around you.

There is no doubt that with practice and focus, over time you will see huge benefits by being more present in the process of preparing and celebrating food.

What are your mealtime rituals that make your meals better? Share in the comments below:

10 Ways to Hush the Negative Voice Within

Your inner voice can determine how you view life. Your self ­talk is responsible for your dreams and your greatest partner in achieving your goals. How you approach life will determine how happy that life is. Thus positive self-talk begets success while negative talk triggers roadblocks.

It’s true.

According to the Mayo Clinic, “Positive thinking doesn’t mean that you keep your head in the sand and ignore life’s less pleasant situations. Positive thinking just means that you approach the unpleasantness in a more positive and productive way.”

So how do we hush the negative voice within? Psychologist Antonis Hatzigeorgiadis, who conducted a study with colleagues at the University of Thessaly, found, “Instructional self-­talk” works best. Motivational speak can help you succeed. Telling yourself “I can do it” will psych you up and keep you on the right track.

Here are 10 strategies that help quiet a negative inner critic:

1 – Name It

Giving your negative thoughts a name, can help you talk to them. This might sound silly but when you humanize your behaviors you can expect human­ type responses.

For instance, if you doubt whether you will get the promotion, talk to your doubts as you would a friend. “George, that’s enough. I know I am qualified, I work hard, and the interview went great. Stop worrying so much and be encouraging while I wait to hear.”

Negative thoughts can be overwhelming. Naming your thoughts gives them less power over you and helps to put the thoughts into perspective.

2 – Change Your Focus

When your negative voice appears, sometimes the best approach is to silence it by changing your focus on to something good. The good will replace the negative and your anxiety and stress levels will decrease.

Taking a few minutes away from something that is creating self­-doubt, can help keep it from spiraling out of control.

3 – Stop Blaming and Start Claiming

A common initial reaction to negativity is to start placing blame. Blaming just fosters the negative voice inside yourself. Claiming responsibility and putting everything into perspective will help quiet the negative voices and put you on a path to creative problem­solving.

4 – Be Patient

Patience can be a struggle when everyone seems to want things yesterday. When you are impatient, you make harsh judgments, rash decisions and give the negative voices room to grow.

Learning to react from a place of calm and contemplation will help create a patient environment for thoughtful action and positive thinking.

5 – Question It

There is no better way to hush the negative voice than by challenging it ­ and you do that with questions. Question it until you get it under control. Use questions like:

So what? Does it really matter and even so, it doesn’t mean it’s true? Who cares? Do I really care about this? Will I care about this in a month? Why not? Why not me and why not now?

And the best question of all time: what’s the worst that can happen? Keep asking questions until the negative voice gives up.

6 – Stop Predicting and Start Anticipating

Many times our negative voice comes by way of predicting results. In order to protect us from disappointment, we often predict the worst-case scenario.

Instead of predicting, start anticipating the results you want to see happen. When negativity creeps in by way of a prediction, change it to a thought of anticipation.

7 – Take Risks

It seems counter­productive to take a risk when trying to counter your negative voice. Risk is scary, right? You might think that by taking a risk, you are opening yourself up to all sorts of negative self­ talk, but the opposite is true.

By taking risks, you are opening your creative mind and realize mistakes will happen along the way. When you take risks, you anticipate challenges. It’s that anticipation that will help silence the negative voices because you are already prepared for whatever it plans to say.

8 – Develop a Ritual

Some people benefit by developing a ritual to handle negative self­speak and you can too. It can include breathing, an affirmation, or even looking out a window. When you hear the voice in your head saying something negative, stop and acknowledge it. Then proceed with whatever ritual speaks to you. The more you practice your ritual, the more habitual it will become.

9 – Set a Timer

When trying to hush the negative voices, most people try just to ignore them. Doing that doesn’t address the issue. Let the voices speak.

Take some time and allow the negative conversation to happen but set a timer. That’s right, time them. Give the negative voices ten minutes to make their argument and when the timer goes off, it’s time to let them go. They said their peace and now it’s time to move.

10  – Practice Gratitude

Negativity and positivity can’t reside in the same space. So what better way to quiet the negative self­ talk than by focusing on the good in your life. Start recalling the things you are grateful for on a particular day. Doing this will help you find the silver­lining in the situation.

Quieting the voices in our head can be challenging at first. With some of these strategies and a little practice, you will be better equipped to challenge them and move on to thoughts that will serve you.

5 Reasons to Never Stop Being Your True Self

Society loves to tell us what to do and who to be; it shivers at the idea of nonconformity. We learn pretty quickly that we will be judged no matter if we follow the crowd or leave the pack behind to blaze our own trail, so it makes sense just to be ourselves. But what defines self?

The world is full of people following a path that doesn’t truly resonate with them; we need more people daring to express themselves in their unique way, regardless of what others may think about them.

Whether you feel that you’re being your authentic self or not, here are some reminders of why you should always allow your individuality to shine through.

“Be yourself – everyone else is already taken.” –Oscar Wilde

5 Reasons to Never Stop Being Your Authentic Self:

1. Life seems much easier.

Anytime you act inauthentically or make decisions that don’t serve your best interest, you become further detached from yourself. Life will seem more difficult because you oppose what your heart truly wants. When you stop thinking about what to be and BE, that allows you to tap into the natural flow of the universe, and life will start working with you, not against you.

Don’t try to label yourself, overthink your words or actions, or limit your expression; these will pull you back into the struggle many people feel because they stifle their uniqueness. As a child, you didn’t even think twice about what to say or do, you just lived. Adopt that same mentality today, and you will feel much freer and in alignment with your true essence.

2. You become a great example for others.

Once you fully love yourself and have no problem expressing that to the world, other people will notice. They may feel jealous of you and try to bring you down, but most people will probably look up to you and ask for your advice. By becoming who you were meant to be, you will encourage other people to do the same without speaking to them. People can feel when others are comfortable and happy with themselves, and it opens up a space for other people to be themselves. Do you see how impactful this can be? If everyone acted following their true nature, our world would reflect a more loving, conscious, vibrant reality.

3. Your genuine self will attract the right people.

When you strip away everything that no longer serves you and all the conditioning from your past about who you should be, you will start to notice that people on a similar vibration come into your world almost effortlessly. As this happens, people who you no longer mesh with will fall to the wayside, and friendships seem much more enjoyable.

People who have a firm grip on themselves and know what they want from life tend to have deeper, more meaningful connections with others because they have knocked down all the walls that once imprisoned them. They have freed themselves and naturally attract others who live with no limits.

4. You will discover your unique purpose by being your authentic self.

Everyone came here to accomplish something different, but unless you really know yourself, it will seem much more difficult to figure out your mission. However, as you go within more and let that inner voice speak to you, it will guide you to fulfilling your destiny without you really having to try. The key to being yourself is to not try, struggle, demand answers, beg, worry, and just BE. Then, as you surrender to the universe and rediscover your highest self, it will become very clear what you came here to do.

By not living authentically, you will probably work in a job you hate, thinking you have no way out. One huge motivator for being yourself should be getting to follow your purpose in life and not clocking in hours at a job that feels like drudgery to you.

5. You have more clarity to make better decisions.

If you live in any way that goes against your soul, you will probably make hurried, poor decisions about your life and end up feeling stuck. Stepping into your own light will lift the veil that once concealed the better parts of life, allowing you to make more informed decisions that align with your vibration.

When you give in to societal norms and follow the herd, you will probably put too much weight in other’s opinions rather than listening to what your own heart wants. For example, your family might want you to go to medical school because your dad is a doctor, and you know that isn’t your passion. But, you go anyway, because you believe that you will feel happier by satisfying them.

If you act in alignment with your true self, you would tell them that you don’t want to go to medical school because it won’t make you happy. That way, you can actually do what you want instead of living by other’s standards, even if they mean well.

10 Ways to Release Fear of Rejection

“A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success.” – Bo Bennett

We’ve all been rejected in some way, whether by someone we asked to the homecoming dance in high school, by an employer we really wanted to work for, or even by our parents if they didn’t agree with our ideas.

Many people fear rejection, not only because it hurts, but because they put all their worth in others opinions of them. If this sounds like you, read on to find out how you can release the fear of rejection once and for all.

10 Ways to Release Fear of Rejection

1. Realize that your value doesn’t diminish just because others fail to see your worth.

You set your own value based on your thoughts about yourself – you set the stage for everything that happens in your life, and only YOU can decide to let others influence your emotions. Not everyone will like you; in fact, some of them might have intentions to tear you down from the get-go, whether out of jealousy or anger. However, you have to keep your head up anyway, and know that as long as you recognize your own worth, no one else can ever cast shadows over you.

2. Avoid conjuring up stories in your head about how a future event will play out.

How often do you play out scenarios in your head before they even happen? And, more often than not, the stories probably take a negative turn, leaving you feeling anxious, hopeless, and out of control. According to Psychology Today, there’s actually an explanation for those negative voices in your head, though.

Melanie Greenburg, Ph.D., says, “Psychologists believe these voices are residues of childhood experiences—automatic patterns of neural firing stored in our brains and dissociated from the memory of the events they are trying to protect us from.”

So, getting rid of those negative voices trying to warn you of perceived danger might seem difficult, but try to anchor yourself in the present moment and avoid sinking into the darker depths of childhood memories. Most fears develop there but no longer have relevance in our lives today.

3. Understand that rejection only exists to steer you to the right path.

You know Oprah, only one of the most successful talk show hosts in history? Yeah, she actually got fired from her first job as a television reporter because she was “unfit for TV.” And where did that lead her? Only to having her own talk show, magazine, and television channel, as well as authoring books and becoming one of the most successful female entrepreneurs in history.

Don’t ever give in to rejection; it can never win as long as you have the mental fortitude and passion to keep going.

4. Go deeper within to better understand yourself.

We often become affected by rejection because we don’t truly know ourselves. We have no sense of identity, and no connection to the cosmic world. When you develop more self-knowledge and understanding, you will have a better sense of your purpose here on Earth, and you will realize that others only reject what they can’t comprehend. So, rejection isn’t your problem; it’s theirs.

5. Stop seeking others for approval.

We reiterate this a lot on our website, but that’s only because approval-seeking behavior exists almost everywhere today. Most of us fall victim to it from time to time, but we can easily put an end to it by putting more worth in our own ideas and opinions than those of other people.

No one knows better than you how you should live your life, so of course, no one but you can unlock the door to your own destiny.

6. When you face rejection, do something positive immediately after.

Anytime you encounter rejection, put a positive spin on it by boosting your self-esteem. Go hang out with friends and family who love you, practice positive affirmations, or go out and play in nature; just do something to make your mind associate rejection with a more positive experience. That way, you won’t feel as crushed next time rejection comes knocking at your door.

7. Stop thinking of the worst-case scenario.

Our mind loves to come up with solutions to any and all problems, even if they don’t exist yet in the real world. However, you can take control of your mind by living in the here and now, and attracting more positive experiences into your life by first putting them into your head.

rejection - negative thinking

Whatever you think about the majority of the time will eventually happen, so try to instill more positive stories in your mind to replace the negative ones.

8. Realize that certain people or events just aren’t meant to be part of your journey.

Not everyone has a place in your spiritual journey here on Earth; the girl you have a crush on might just not be right for you, or not right now, anyway. Remember, life doesn’t always give you what you want, but it ALWAYS gives you what you need.

9. Work on loving yourself more.

Fear of rejection stems from a need for assurance and acceptance; if you don’t feel secure with yourself, you will always go to the next option – seeking it from others. It might seem difficult, but it all boils down to loving yourself unconditionally, as you are right at this moment. Make loving decisions for yourself, and develop a regular self-love practice.

Before you know it, your reliance on using other people for love will diminish, and you will actually be able to share all the love in your heart with others.

10. Start thinking of what you DO want, not what you don’t want.

Instead of focusing on everything that might go wrong, focus on what can go RIGHT. Your mind believes whatever you tell it to, so start believing in the good things coming. The more you dwell on rejection, the more you actually invite it into your life.

However, the more you give your attention to abundance, love, compassion, and connection, the more you will attract those positive forces into your life.

6 Ways to Rid Yourself of Negative Energy

Just like a computer stores files, your brain stores thoughts–containing both positive and negative energy. You don’t access these thoughts every day, but they are there and can be opened at any time.

Negative energy comes into your life through thoughts, words, actions, and reactions. When you take care of your body and your mind, you stand a better chance of resisting negative influences. Energy cleansing rituals have played a part in many spiritual practices since the beginning of man. Whether you practice external or internal rituals, finding what works for you is what matters.

Since we’ve talked about external tips to cleanse negative energy in a previous article (read it here), we’re going to tackle some internal strategies to clear negative energy.

Here are 7 ways to cleanse yourself of negative energy:

1 – Protect Your Mind

negative-energy

Negative energy begins in your mind, so it is up to you to learn how to protect it. You can protect your mind through listening:

  • Listen Critically: Studies show that what you often hear shapes what you believe, so it’s important to listen with a critical ear.
  • Listen Selectively: News, music, other people’s conversation all play a role in forming a thought. In fact, it is as influential as having a direct conversation with someone. When you stop inviting negativity in, you will become a little bit happier and a little less negative.
  • Listen Visually: Take a long hard look at what you see. Negative thoughts can also enter through images on TV, in magazines and on your computer. Hide negativity in your social media feeds, watch shows that are positive in nature and flip through magazines that are inspiring.

2 – Find Some Quiet

Whatever quiet looks like to you, find it and commit to just being and breathing. No phones, no computer, no TV, no conversation. Just let the absence of noise and negativity engulf you for a few minutes. And that’s all it takes – just a few minutes.

Be careful though, as you begin to find quiet, you will crave more of it. Just go with the flow and find some calm in a world of chaos.

3 – Broaden Your Perspective

Negative thoughts are heightened when you focus more on yourself and your challenges then you focus on others. When you are self­absorbed, you limit your potential.

When you include a strong social network into your world, you continue to grow. It’s the new experiences that come with being active and social that broaden your perspective.

You can’t control what you hear from others, but you can choose how to process it. And the choice you make

is based on your perspective. The wider your perspective, the more opportunity you have for choosing positive reactions and creating positive energy.

4 – Be Open to the Moment

Everyone likes to be in control, and when challenges enter your day, you fight it and try to stop it but all it ends up doing is throwing you for a loop.

What if you welcomed chaos into your day? How would it feel if you just accepted the happenings of the moment, looked for the possibilities and took action based on what was before you?

That is creating positive energy and living in a happier state of mind. Let Go of the Need for Approval

The need for approval plays an important role in our thoughts. It kills our ability to think positively and prevents us from our journey. Instead, we think and act based on other people’s agenda.

The need for approval is negatively impacting your life – you procrastinate, avoid doing important things, feel anxiety and fear, and get stuck in worry – all in the quest to gain approval.

Create positive energy by acting freely without the worry of people’s opinions. You will have the freedom to pursue things that make you feel good and be able to meander on your life’s path, trying new things without the fear of failure.

5 – Look Within to Identify Negative Energy

Self ­confidence allows you to create accurate and positive opinions about your circumstances. When you are confident, you trust that you will be able to do what you set out to do. Trusting your path, means obstacles are just that and failure isn’t in your vocabulary. You take each challenge as the lesson needed to continue your journey. Self ­confidence lets the real you emerge.

Being self­ confident isn’t only the key to doing anything you want, it is the clear understanding of what you want and your preparedness for that quest.

As a result, you gain the self­ confidence to take the risk. You think for yourself, and you don’t have to be just like everyone else. When you are self­ confident, the negative energy that surrounds you tends to shrink, and the positivity shines through.

6 – Choose the Right Words to Release Negative Energy

As you become more aware of your thoughts, actions, and words, it gets easier to notice the negativity that is all around, even from you.

What you say and the words you choose are very important to maintaining a positive perspective and working towards positive outcomes. Taking the power of positive thought to the next level requires evaluating the words we use in our thoughts.

Even something that is intended to be positive in nature can be negative ­ because of the words we choose. For example, how many times do you say, “don’t forget ….” Well, what word is the focus there? Forget.

Instead, try saying, “remember ….” Can you feel the shift? That is the power of word choice and mastering it can be very influential in cleansing yourself of negative energy.

How do you cleanse negative energy? What rituals do you observe to help you foster more positivity? Share in the discussion below…

51 Quotes to Help You Stop Over Thinking

Past events only affect us when we continue thinking about them. It is overthinking that gives them power. By constantly replaying the events, worrying about them and trying to figure them out, we remove ourselves from living in the now and instead choose to relive the past.  There is no good that comes from reliving something over and over again. Learn the lesson and move back into the present.

At the same time, pondering too much about the future also keeps you from the present moment. Sometimes, the most important lessons we can learn are that both the past, and the future, are not happening. In fact, they’re never truly happening. Enjoy the gift of the current moment, this is why it’s called the present…

Here are 51 quotes to help you to stop overthinking.

“The more you overthink the less you will understand.” – Habeeb Akande

“We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think, think, think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap.” – Anthony Hopkins

“Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in.” – Shannon L. Alder

“I’m tired of being inside my head. I want to live out here, with you.” – Colleen McCarty

“Overthinking ruins moods and kills good vibes.” –  SupaNova Slom

“Don’t overthink things. Sometimes you can convince your head not to listen to your heart. Those are the decisions you regret for the rest of your life.” Faith Barnett From Texas Tangle” – Leah Braemel

“Thinking will not overcome fear but action will.” – Clement Stone

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” – Albert Einstein

“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” – William Shakespeare

“Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it.” – Henry Ford

“The head thinks. The heart knows.” – Rasheed Ogunlaru

“If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you’ll never get it done.” – Bruce Lee

“Half our mistakes in life arise from feeling where we ought to think, and thinking where we ought to feel.” – John Churton Collins

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” – Alice Walker

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.” – Henry Ford

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” – Terry Pratchett

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” – Albert Einstein

“I think and think and think, I‘ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it.” – Jonathan Safran Foer

“The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled.” – Plutarch

“Stop thinking, and end your problems.” – Lao Tzu

“Think for yourself and let others enjoy the privilege of doing so too.” – Voltaire

“If you believe that your thoughts originate inside your brain, do you also believe that television shows are made inside your television set?” – Warren Ellis

“The spirit of the individual is determined by his dominating thought habits.” – Bruce Lee

“Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action comes, stop thinking and go in.” – Napoléon Bonaparte

“Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason so few engage in it.” – Henry Ford

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.” – Christopher Hitchens

“We are set in our ways, bound by our perspectives and stuck in our thinking.” – Joel Osteen

“Thinking is a bit uncomfortable, but you’ll get used to it. A matter of time and practice.” – Lloyd Alexander

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation, but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.” – Eckhart Tolle

“You’ve never lived what you are thinking, and that isn’t good. Only the ideas we actually live are of any value.” – Hermann Hesse

“Too often we… enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.” – John F. Kennedy

“The trouble with most people is that they think with their hopes or fears or wishes rather than with their minds.” – Will Durant

“Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinion at all.” – G.C. Lichtenberg

“Thoughts are like an open ocean, they can either move you forward within its waves, or sink you under deep into its abyss.” – Anthony Liccione

“It’s crazy how you can get yourself in a mess sometimes and not even be able to think about it with any sense and yet not be able to think about anything else.” – Stanley Kubrick

“[Thinking is] what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.” – William James

“You cannot plough a field by turning it over in your mind.” – Author Unknown

“No way of thinking or doing, however ancient, can be trusted without proof.” – Henry David Thoreau

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” – Aristotle

“Clear thinking requires courage rather than intelligence.” — Thomas Szasz

“It is well for people who think, to change their minds occasionally in order to keep them clean.” — Luther Burbank

“Thought is the blossom; language the bud; action the fruit behind it.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

“A real decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action. If there’s no action, you haven’t truly decided.” — Tony Robbins

“Better to be without logic than without feeling.” – Charlotte Bronte

“Don’t think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It’s self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can’t try to do things. You simply must do things.” — Ray Bradbury

“Every great and deep difficulty bears in itself its own solution. It forces us to change our thinking in order to find it.” — Niels Bohr

“I began to realize that thinking itself is nothing but the process of asking and answering questions.” — Tony Robbins

“I once tried thinking for an entire day, but I found it less valuable than one moment of study.” — Xun Zi

“If you keep thinking about what you want to do or what you hope will happen, you don’t do it, and it won’t happen.” — Desiderius Erasmus

“I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection.” — Billy Joel

“What we think, we become.” — Buddha

10 Reasons People Give Up On Love

Choosing not to fall in love is entirely different than falling out of love. When people fall out of love, they have grown in different ways while choosing not to fall in love means people purposefully keep love from happening.

Our hearts do not understand the difference between romantic love and friendship love. Love is love and by not allowing oneself to fall in love we are in essence refusing all love.

People may not even realize they are doing it, so we’ve compiled ten reasons people stop falling in love to help understand why it happens.

“I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t live without each other love.” ~Carrie Bradshaw

10 Reasons People Give Up On Love:

love

1. Seeking instant gratification.

As part of a society that promotes and delivers instant access to anything and everything, there’s a problem created, simply because falling in love is anything but instant.

Falling in love isn’t about the “love at first sight” feelings people talk about, it is about building a relationship based on common values and mutual interests. And that takes time.

Unfortunately, instant gratification is an enemy of falling in love, and if we aren’t careful, it could prevent us from experiencing it.

2. Being emotionally unavailable

Some people think of feelings as the enemy and that having them is a sign of weakness. You hide from your feelings in an attempt to appear strong and confident. You create a false reality based on what you think other people want to see.

How can you fall in love when you are not open to the feelings that the process creates? Falling in love is all about feelings, very heightened and very wonderful feelings.

3. Commitment issues

There is nothing wrong with wanting the best for yourself unless it gets in the way of what is right for you. But If you are on a constant quest for something better, you will never know when the best has arrived.

You run the risk of letting the best get away unless you are willing to commit to what is now. Instead of consistently looking for something better, look at what’s best in life right now and focus on that. Only then will better things come to pass.

4. Too much focus on “self”

Being happy is all about doing more of what makes yourself feel good, so it makes sense that we think about what we need. It’s being overly focused on our own selves that’s the problem.

We have to function in society, and that means having relationships with other people, who are also thinking about their needs. It’s important to balance our needs with the needs of others.

5. You just want to have fun

How many times have you said to yourself, “I’m just having fun right now?” You want to go to clubs, date around and party it up. That attitude makes the assumption that falling in love or being in a committed relationship isn’t fun. You are just playing mind games with yourself.

You go out and put yourself out there in the hopes of finding someone to fall in love with, but the reality is you are sending the opposite signals. You are giving up the opportunity to find the right person while in the wrong places.

6. A lack of compromise.

You have an idea of what your perfect partner looks like, but you can’t seem to find them. The problem is that your idea of the perfect partner may not exactly exist.

Start out with a list to use as a guide, but be willing to compromise. It can be painstakingly difficult to find someone who meets every quality, so spend time with people who match the most important characteristics and be open to compromise on the rest.

7. Fairy-Tale Chasing

It’s a fairy tale for a reason. Life doesn’t always follow a script, so why would you expect falling in love to follow one? No one can live up to such high expectations.

Falling in love is something that happens by forging a path, on its terms. Do yourself a favor and allow it just to happen.

8. Perfectionism

Being perfect in a relationship, and especially while falling in love is not a time to try to be perfect. People make mistakes and even fail from time to time.

If an expectation of perfection is present, mistakes and failures will prevent you from moving forward in your relationship. If you aren’t expecting perfection and always strive for excellence instead, you can dust yourself off and continue falling in love.

9. You are focused on your goals.

Many people want to become financially independent, debt-free, find a partner, and buy a house by age 30. While these are fairly lofty goals, it doesn’t sound like time for falling in love has a place on that list.

Dreams, goals, and aspirations are an important part of your individual growth but putting off love until you get your life together can be a big mistake. It will prevent you from opening your heart to love.

By not keeping your heart open, you risk the chance that it may not be available in the future. Be open to falling in love and trust that it will happen when it’s right for you. Don’t give up.

10. Love is confusing.

Love is not something you can expect to perform a certain way. It changes, evolves and grows in the most unexpected ways. This is a complex emotion, and you need to accept it as it comes. That can be scary, but it is also wonderful and euphoric when you allow it the freedom to do its thing. Stop trying to figure it out and just be happy you are on the journey.

love quote

Are you guilty of any of these? If the answer is yes, consider choosing some of the solutions and see what happens. Chances are you will regret waiting so long to make the choice.

15 Things You Should Make Time For Again

Each day, most of us scramble around in the morning before work, mindlessly grabbing toaster tarts and a thermos full of coffee, and kissing our family goodbye. We make time for things that make us more efficient, productive human beings, but do we make the time for the things that really matter in life?

Let the words you’re about to read really sink in because we could all use a refresher on the irreplaceable parts of life we often don’t make much time for anymore.

Here are 15 Things to Make Time For Again

1 – Talking to people face-to-face.

In today’s world, most of our communication happens through our cell phones, where we can conveniently type out a sentence or two and send it to our friends and loved ones. But, digital communication will never substitute for in-person interaction; you can’t hug someone through a phone, or see them smile, or read their body language. Make sure you actually set aside time to see people you love in person and learn to use your phone only in times of emergency or just some quick catching up on social media.

2 – Yourself.

This one seems pretty obvious, but how many of us really can say we set aside time to take care of ourselves? Or that we prioritize our health and well-being above all else? As the population continues to get sicker, it’s pretty apparent that many of us don’t make time for the most important thing: our health. Take the extra time to prepare healthier foods, take naps, exercise, spend time in the sun, meditate, and relax. You matter, so treat yourself as such.

3 – Vacations.

According to a 2013 Vacation Deprivation study done by Expedia, the average American was given 14 days of vacation, but only used 10. Altogether, that’s roughly 577,212,000 collective days of unused vacation! If you haven’t been on a family trip in a while and money seems to be the reason, you can always book a cheaper hotel, cook meals at home for a while to save money, or cut spending in some other way. You’ll want to look back on your life and think of all the memories you made, not all the hours you clocked in at work.

4 – Acting like a kid.

Before your life was consumed with work and responsibilities, what did you enjoy doing? Probably rolling around in the grass, playing hide-and-seek, racing go-karts, or jumping around in puddles after a rainstorm. Whether you’re 23 or 85 now, do more kid things. They will make you feel half your age, and remind you that life isn’t as serious as we make it out to be.

5 – Disconnecting from the hustle and bustle, and reconnecting to nature.

City life can wear on a person’s nerves after a while, so make sure you take plenty of time to get out of the city and tune back into nature. Ever heard of noise and light pollution? Yeah, those affect us each and every day, unless you live in a cave or something. Before the invention of modern society, we would spend our days mostly outdoors, gathering food and playing in the sun. To be frank, the way we do things now isn’t remotely healthy for anybody, so take ample time to heal and channel your spirit guides for assistance along your journey. This helps greatly as we try to navigate the earthly 3D realms.

6 – Quality time with relatives.

Remember the days when you played board games and told ghost stories with your cousins? Do it all over again, even if you feel silly at first. We spend far too much time communicating through posts on Facebook, and not enough time bonding in person with one another.

7 – Reading books.

Not books on Kindles or iPads or Nooks, but REAL books that have those pages you can turn and creases to put bookmarks in. Digital books don’t have that distinctive “book” smell either, and you can’t listen to the crinkle of the pages as you turn them. Books you can actually hold in your hand just offer an entirely different experience (a better one, I think).

8 – Cooking for our families.

How many nights do we get take-out instead of cooking what we have at home? Probably far too many. Surprise your family by cooking a nice, fresh, homemade meal for them, or have them help you in the kitchen. It just feels better to eat food you made yourself, plus your family will really appreciate what you did for them.

9 – Watching home videos.

This makes for a great family bonding activity, plus it takes you back to the good ol’ days and helps you reconnect to your childhood self.

10 – Looking through old photo albums.

We often look through photos on our cell phones, but do we ever open up physical photo albums anymore? Sit down with your parents and siblings and look at all the old pictures you have lying around the house – as they’ve collected dust, you’ve probably long forgotten some of the best memories you had growing up.

11 – Being happy just because.

We’re always looking for a reason to be happy, but what about feeling happy for the heck of it? You don’t always something to attach your happiness to; if you’re alive, that’s reason enough. 🙂

12 – Doing nothing.

Everyone’s always striving, moving, exerting, rushing, explaining, complaining, and the list goes on. It feels amazing to just sit down and be, without having to worry about normal human activities for a while.

13 – Journaling.

It’s not healthy to keep all your thoughts locked up in a cage (your mind). Free them by letting them all out on paper; you probably journaled often as a teenager, so why not now? As an adult, you have MORE reason to need an outlet for your emotions since your life is likely much more complicated and fast-paced.

14 – Taking pictures with a cheap disposable camera, and actually developing them.

How many pictures do you have in your iPhone that you haven’t developed? Go out and buy a 90s camera if you can find it, take pictures with your family, and get them developed. Now, you actually have a physical copy of your memories, rather than just a digital version that you can’t put in a scrapbook.

15 – Connecting with each other.

Have family dinners instead of eating in separate rooms. Have conversations about life instead of sitting idly on social media. Nothing will ever take the place of face-to-face human connection, so don’t take your friends and family for granted. It might be the digital age, but we should all work to reinforce a new age: the age of reconnection.

10 Ways to Change Your Life in 10 Minutes or Less

There seems to be a greater focus on being happy in today’s world. While happiness is a worthwhile goal, many people tackle happiness like they tackle buying a house. They start focusing on the final destination instead of focusing on what they can do today to achieve the ultimate goal. Here are ways to begin to change your life today.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” – Lao Tzu

One might argue that you will never achieve the ultimate happiest life because there is always room to be even happier. What makes you happier will continue to change as you evolve, so focusing on the end goal is a short-sided approach.  Want to be happier? Start now.

Here are 10 ways to change your life in 10 minutes or less – beginning today.

1 – Learn Something New

The need to learn something doesn’t stop when we stop going to school. Learning for the sake of learning is what makes us human and what allows us to continue to grow and evolve into our best selves.

A world of interesting information and knowledge awaits and it has never been easier to learn something new. You can start to enhance your life by watching a Ted talk, listening to a podcast or subscribe to feeds like Did You Know? and Tell Me Why?. Whatever it is, learn something new today.

Learning makes us confident, feeds our creative soul and broadens our perspective. It doesn’t have to be a formal process; you can start by devoting just ten minutes a day to learning something new.

2 – Breathe

Deep and purposeful breathing is our best tool against anxiety, frustration, and overall negative feelings. When you start to feel the tension in your neck or butterflies in your stomach, take a minute and breathe deeply.

Close your eyes and focus on your breath. Breathe in deeply through your nose and visualize your entire body filling up with your breath. Then slowly exhale through your mouth and watch the breath leave.

Do this five times and feel the incredibly relaxing effects it has on your body and mind.

3 – Hug

Virginia Satir, a family therapist, contends, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”

This relatively simple practice can help reduce stress, improve our mood and make us feel good about ourselves. Believe it or not, research shows that hugs can be effective in healing sickness too. Now, go out and hug someone or twelve someones today. Indeed, it will certainly change your life.

4 – 10 Minutes of Yoga

The benefits of yoga are pretty well-known including stress release, an increase in fitness, improved immunity, and inner peace. Even so, plenty of people are reluctant to start practicing it because they think they can’t do the poses they see on Facebook.

Well, what better way to start a yoga practice than in your home with a simple 5-minute yoga sequence.  This will help you start each day with added flexibility and calm and watch how your perspective will change.

5 – Visualize

Spend a few minutes visualizing your perfect day and watch what happens. Visualize making good choices, doing great work, laughing with good friends and having a good day and a better day will magically happen.

When we bring our intention to doing things that make us feel good, we respond by making it a reality through our actions. Visualize and expect the day to be a great day, exactly the way you want to be and enjoy it as it happens.

6 – Eat for a positive mood.

The foods we eat affect our mood and if you want to change your life, then choose foods that affect your mood for the positive. Foods affect people in different ways so when you eat something, listen to your body and see how you feel.

change your life - mood

If you feel good, keep eating it and if you don’t then stop. This doesn’t mean you have to give up the foods you love because they don’t agree with you, but understanding how they affect you will help you make better food choices.

7 – Go Outside

Nothing feeds the soul like some fresh air, and a good boost of vitamin D. Make it a point to go outside when you are feeling “blah” or need a quick break. Doing so will increase your mood, make you more productive and bring out your creative mind.

8 – Declutter

Clutter can rob you of the vital energy you need to live your best life. Spending just a few minutes decluttering the spaces you live and work in can have a huge impact on enhancing your life.

Make a conscious choice to declutter. This will free you up to appreciate what you have and focus your attention on the things that matter most. Start small with a shelf or a drawer. You will be surprised how far you can get with just ten minutes of decluttering.

9 – Compliment Others

Complimenting others helps you as much as them. It can build trust, spark creativity and make you and the other person feel good. The best benefit of all? It takes the focus off of you.

The next time you are feeling down or stuck, start complimenting others and watch your self-esteem increase.

10 – Ten Minutes of Gratitude

Focusing on the things that we are grateful for every day brings the good in our life into focus. What better way to change your life for the better than to remind ourselves daily why our life is already so awesome?

Spend a few minutes every day reflecting on all the things that make you happy and make you feel good. There is no better way to live a great life than to realize how great life really is.

Now it’s your turn. What activities do you do that help change your life for the better?

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