Choosing not to fall in love is entirely different than falling out of love. When people fall out of love, they have grown in different ways while choosing not to fall in love means people purposefully keep love from happening.
Our hearts do not understand the difference between romantic love and friendship love. Love is love and by not allowing oneself to fall in love we are in essence refusing all love.
People may not even realize they’re are doing it, so we’ve compiled ten reasons people stop falling in love to help understand why it happens.
“I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t live without each other love.” ~Carrie Bradshaw
10 Reasons People Give Up On Love:
1. Seeking instant gratification.
As part of a society that promotes and delivers instant access to anything and everything, there’s a problem created, simply because falling in love is anything but instant.
Falling in love isn’t about the “love at first sight” feelings people talk about, it is about building a relationship based on common values and mutual interests. And that takes time.
Unfortunately, instant gratification is an enemy of falling in love, and if we aren’t careful, it could prevent us from experiencing it.
2. Being emotionally unavailable
Some people think of feelings as the enemy and that having them is a sign of weakness. You hide from your feelings in an attempt to appear strong and confident. You create a false reality based on what you think other people want to see.
How can you fall in love when you are not open to the feelings that the process creates? Falling in love is all about feelings, very heightened and very wonderful feelings.
3. Commitment issues
There is nothing wrong with wanting the best for yourself unless it gets in the way of what is right for you. But If you are on a constant quest for something better, you will never know when the best has arrived.
You run the risk of letting the best get away unless you are willing to commit to what is now. Instead of consistently looking for something better, look at what’s best in life right now and focus on that. Only then will better things come to pass.
4. Too much focus on “self”
Being happy is all about doing more of what makes yourself feel good, so it makes sense that we think about what we need. It’s being overly focused on our own selves that’s the problem.
We have to function in society, and that means having relationships with other people, who are also thinking about their needs. It’s important to balance our needs with the needs of others.
5. You just want to have fun
How many times have you said to yourself, “I’m just having fun right now?” You want to go to clubs, date around and party it up. That attitude makes the assumption that falling in love or being in a committed relationship isn’t fun. You are just playing mind games with yourself.
You go out and put yourself out there in the hopes of finding someone to fall in love with, but the reality is you are sending the opposite signals. You are giving up the opportunity to find the right person while in the wrong places.
6. A lack of compromise.
You have an idea of what your perfect partner looks like, but you can’t seem to find them. The problem is that your idea of the perfect partner may not exactly exist.
Start out with a list to use as a guide, but be willing to compromise. It can be painstakingly difficult to find someone who meets every quality, so spend time with people who match the most important characteristics and be open to compromise on the rest.
7. Fairy-Tale Chasing
It’s a fairy tale for a reason. Life doesn’t always follow a script, so why would you expect falling in love to follow one? It is impossible for anyone to live up to such high expectations.
Falling in love is something that happens by forging a path, on its terms. Do yourself a favor and allow it just to happen.
Being perfect in a relationship, and especially while falling in love is just not a time to try to be perfect. People make mistakes and even fail from time to time.
If an expectation of perfection is present, mistakes and failures will prevent you from moving forward in your relationship. If, however, you aren’t expecting perfection and always strive for excellence instead, you can dust yourself off and continue falling in love.
9. You are focused on your goals.
Many people want to become financially independent, debt-free, find a partner, and buy a house all by the time they are 30. While these are fairly lofty goals, it doesn’t sound like time for falling in love has a place on that list.
Dreams, goals, and aspirations are an important part of your individual growth but putting off love until you get your life together can be a big mistake. It will prevent you from opening your heart to love.
By not keeping your heart open, you risk the chance that it may not be available in the future. Be open to falling in love and trust that it will happen when it’s right for you.
10. Love is confusing.
Love is not something you can expect to perform a certain way. It changes, evolves and grows in the most unexpected ways. This is a complex emotion, and you need to accept it as it comes. That can be scary, but it is also wonderful and euphoric when you allow it the freedom to do its thing. Stop trying to figure it out and just be happy you are on the journey.
Are you guilty of any of these? If the answer is yes, consider choosing some of the solutions and just see what happens. Chances are you will regret waiting so long to make the choice.