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5 Differences Between ‘Being’ With Your Partner And Actually Choosing Them

August 25, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Relationships require continuous nurturing and preservation. There will be times we fall into a rut and can’t get out of it. We begin to question why we’re with this person in the first place. We begin to retell stories, focusing on negativity, and the question starts to come up: “did I settle?” There are differences between being with a partner out of necessity or responsibility and that of choosing a life partner who fills you emotionally, physically and spiritually.

So, do we choose partners based on familiarity and attraction, or do we settle into relationships and stay in them out of necessity?

Here are 5 differences between just “being” with your partner and choosing them:

1. Loving someone versus being in love.

The most incredible relationships are the ones that began through friendship. You not only fall in love, but you grow into it because you choose to evolve with it. Whereas, being in love can also end with ‘Not’ being in love anymore. The “being” part can dwindle and disappear. Choosing to be with someone is loving them completely: flaws, attributions, strengths, vulnerability and anything that will come up. Choosing requires a decision to stay, remain, and continue in spite of the ups and downs. Being in a relationship is sometimes a pit stop.

2. Ignorance versus understanding

When you choose your partner, there is understanding. You pick that person for all the reasons that feel comfortable, familiar and acceptable. You create a sense of intimacy that grows with time. Ignorance arrives with just being. In this state of love, you may detach and it may just be an unconscious decision. If you think your partner doesn’t recognize the distance, the parts being ignored, or the withdrawal, you might just have accepted that the person is really not that important. Love doesn’t require such games. It’s either in or out. Yes, there are many levels of commitment and it’s important to figure out what you want. Ignorance is not bliss in love. Choose and decide what you want in a partnership.

3. Forgiveness versus holding a grudge over the small stuff.

Choosing a partner means that you also grow with all that comes up. You forgive. You accept things in each other. The state of being in a relationship can be harmonious until something disturbing comes up. Then you begin to shift from being happy to being whatever. You start to focus on the small stuff. You can’t get past the circumstances, events, and challenges. And, every relationship has them. Decisions need to be made. How you perceive them is how you will react. You can either choose to move on and forgive, or you can surf the emotional waters of uncertainty by just being in the moment.

4. Standing versus falling.

In the book, The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck describes love as:

“The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. . . . Love is not effortless. To the contrary, love is effortful. . . . Love is an act of will–both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love. . . . The act of falling in love is an act of regression. . . Real love is a permanently self-enlarging experience. Falling in love is not. . . The person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love. . . . True love is not a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. It is a committed, thoughtful decision. . . Commitment is the foundation, the bedrock of any genuinely loving relationship. . . . it is our sense of commitment after the wedding which makes possible the transition from falling in love to genuine love.”

When you choose to love, you end up standing. Being is the act of falling in love which consists of overwhelming emotions. But, you can begin with the falling in love and safely land standing up right next to the love of your life. Just because you began a relationship by being in love, falling deeply, doesn’t mean that you won’t choose to stay in love.

Relationship Therapist Deidre Wallace shares:

“We usually choose people or friends who we have something in common with. And it’s not just our friends but also our partners who may share similar experiences albeit unconscious. And if what we share is unconscious, what is shared may not be so obvious. It may only become clear once you’ve spent time communicating and delving into one another’s pasts that similarities are picked up. Sometimes it may take years before you realize all the reasons that attracted you to someone. So we surround ourselves with people who are similar to us in experiences, background, class, and culture and so on. Which is why the saying, ‘Birds of a feather flock together’ makes sense. We are mostly attracted to people who share what we know and what is safe. Safe because what we know, we feel comfortable with.”

5. Choosing a lifetime adventure versus being on a short expedition.

Life is a constant flux of choices, decisions, obstacles, lessons and experiences. When you choose love, you are electing a lifetime adventure with all that it may entail. Being can start to feel like a short journey until the heart decides it has had enough. You begin to fill presence with other things. Even though you might feel committed, the compromises for remaining can be too much to handle. Your sense of ‘being’ can be substituted by circumstances.

Whether you choose to be in a relationship or you live day by day in the act of accepting whatever shows up, love is the strongest emotional bond there is. When you truly love your partner, you can overcome anything. Love will test our strengths, courage, and weaknesses. It will turn us upside down, right side up, and into a ball. When in doubt, always choose love. If you aren’t happy in a relationship, decide whether you want to stay, leave, or be in constant indecision. Love is intense, beautiful and satisfying. Just as Dr. Seuss said, “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

10 Reasons Why Most Men Can’t Handle A Strong Woman

August 25, 2016 by Power of Positivity

What makes a strong woman? Among other factors, her struggles, sacrifices, and selflessness play a huge part. A strong woman has endured pain, overcome heart-wrenching experiences, and allowed herself to be led by forgiveness.

A strong woman has swum in deep and treacherous waters and held her breath as long as possible. This type of woman is self-sufficient, independent, loving, and does not fear showing vulnerability.

If the woman you love fits the above description, consider yourself privileged. The strong woman knows that one moment you are the teacher, and the next you might be the student. She understands and is okay with this, but sometimes the man in her life fails to share this understanding. So, how does a strong woman keep a man? Can you handle a strong woman in your life?

10 Reasons Many Men Cannot Handle a Strong Woman

Here are ten reasons why most men can’t handle a strong woman:

1. A strong woman doesn’t need a man to fight for her.

A man needs to feel wanted. He needs to know that he is battling for his woman’s eternal love and admiration. A strong woman will show you that she loves you, but she’s also independent and can manage independently. The strong woman is willing to fight for both of you, but she doesn’t need a man to fight her battles for her. If she has a problem, she deals with it.

A strong woman doesn’t sit and wait, as a victim, for a man to find the solution. Some men can’t handle this strength. If you choose to remain with this type of woman, be willing to walk beside her . . . not in front of her, pulling her to where you think she should be.

2. A strong woman knows what she wants.

Strong women know what they want, how to attain it, and remember all they had to endure to get whatever they have. A woman like this knows what she wants. If she likes a man, she will go after him.

She will not wait for the man to make the first move. Strong women have tenacious personalities that can be highly intimidating for some men. They aren’t submissive. They love wholeheartedly and also can continue exploring the world with a man or not. It takes a self-confident man to allow this type of personality to take charge.

3. A strong woman will require honesty and vulnerability.

Men have a hard time opening up to complex questions. Strong women dive into the depth of hurt, traumas, and life-changing experiences. They require a man who can be honest and vulnerable because they have endured so much and want to believe they are not alone. They need to know that their mate can be available to navigate the ocean of uncertainties and travel the edges of madness.

Strong women don’t fear the past. They excavate and search for those things that make us human. The strong woman will always find a strong man to stand tall with her in the face of adversity. Men tend to avoid vulnerability because it makes them feel weak. If you want to gain the admiration of the strong woman in your life, do not fear moments of vulnerability.

4. A strong woman is not intimidated by intimacy.

The strong woman will challenge a man in the most intimate of ways. She will require intimacy in all forms, from conversation to making love. She will hold nothing back.

Because a strong woman is comfortable with her femininity, she will expect her man also to be open to all aspects of intimacy. She requires passion and desire to feel like she’s the one.

5. A strong woman can see through lies.

Strong women are honest and expect complete trust in a relationship. They can sense lies instantly, so don’t try to sugarcoat a white lie. Don’t give the strong woman in your life any bogus explanations.

She can act as a human lie detector. Being in a relationship with a strong woman requires no holding back. She will never tolerate a sense of falseness and selfishness. If you can’t be with her ultimately, she will have no problem moving on.

6. A strong woman requires integrity and consistency.

Women who have inner strength cannot tolerate irregularity or indecisive personalities. They want to know that the man they love has integrity and respect, and is a man of his word. If they start to feel that their man is pulling away, they will react accordingly and have no problem letting him go if they feel they are being played.

They want to feel like they are loved unconditionally. They will have no issues setting that matter straight if they feel disrespected. The worst thing you can do to a strong woman is make her feel weak.

7. A strong woman is intense.

A strong woman has endured extraordinary challenges and obstacles in her life. In other words, she is strong for a reason, because she has had to be powerful during extremely dark moments. Having come through, she knows she can endure anything else in her path, but this kind of intensity is oftentimes difficult for a man to understand. It’s intimidating because of all the emotions and thoughts that come with this type of persona.

The strong woman is willing to share her scars, and expects you to do the same. There are no secrets in her world.

8. A strong woman will not wait for you.

This type of woman will follow you to the depths of hell if she knows you are committed to her. However, when you start to pull back, she will let you go. She will not wait for a man to decide if he wants her or someone better. Strong women don’t play little, girly games. You are either in or you are out. They will face hurt, heal from their wounds, and get back up ready to conquer whatever is next.

9. A strong woman will love you unconditionally.

The love you receive from a strong woman is faithful. Like mothers with children, the strong woman will nurture and love her man fiercely. When she feels that love in return, she will do anything to make him feel loved. The strong woman in your life will support, help, and fight for you to get what you deserve.

Some men can’t handle this kind of unconditional love. They get frightened by the intensity and depth of giving. Often, men flee from a strong woman in this stage. Regardless of how deeply she loved you, she will let you go if this happens. She knows her worth.

10. A strong woman will show you who you are.

It’s hard to accept the things we don’t like about ourselves when someone points them out. A strong woman will speak up about those parts in her man that need addressing. She will also help show you how amazing and powerful you are. She will stand by you and show you pure acceptance and confidence.

Some men cannot handle the emotional chaos of this type of demeanor. For this reason, strong women will find parnters of equal strength; the weak ones won’t make it past the first few dates. Weak men don’t know what to do with the honesty, strength, intelligence, and independence that is portrayed by a woman of strength.

On the other hand, a strong man was likely raised by a strong woman. He knows how to either deal with the nights of the soul that arise in any relationship or leave. Barry Paul Price writes, “Dating a strong woman is not something every guy can handle. He has to be confident in himself as a person, and as a man. Men must feel capable of meeting a woman’s needs. Traditionally, we did that providing financial security and physical protection.

More recently, as women have expressed themselves with more independence and toughness, men aren’t sure how or when they’re needed by their woman. He ends up feeling unsure of his value and significance in the relationship. Many women tell me their man’s emotional support is just as important as financial and physical contributions. Unfortunately, men are not used to identifying masculinity with giving emotional support.”

Final Thoughts on Whether You Can Handle a Woman of Great Strength

Do you have the strength to support your woman of strength in the way she most needs it? Strong women have no time to play games. If you can handle the intensity, love, and honesty she will provide, you might be the partner who can complement this type of woman.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

Research Shows Parents Who Raise Successful Kids Do These Things Differently

August 25, 2016 by Kristen Lawrence

Kids will define what success looks like to them as they grow up, but parents who raise happy, healthy, and independent kids do these ten things differently from other parents. Your role as a parent lasts a lifetime, but your role in their development is crucial. How can you balance molding them and letting them develop themselves?

Research Reveals: Parents Who Raise ‘Successful’ Kids Do These 10 Things

Let’s look at ten things that research shows parents who raise successful kids do differently.

1. Let kids fail once in a while

Persistence is what parents who raise successful kids teach when they allow kids to fail in small ways without rushing in to rescue them—learning to get back up after a fall builds determination to carry on.

2. Teach the meaning of gratitude

Spend time with those who have less, lost, or fighting a battle beyond what your children have to deal with in their young lives. Seeing that what you give them is more than others have can be a valuable lesson in gratitude and humility that parents who raise successful kids teach early on.

3. Teach them to be their own best friend

You won’t always be there to pick them up after they are lonely and need comforting. Kids who don’t learn to rely only on other people to comfort them are independent and more likely to succeed.

4. Teach kids the value of hard work

Chores are the kid equivalent of adult work, and allowances are the kid equivalent of a paycheck. No work, no pay means that you are teaching consequences for behavior that will serve them well in the real world.

5. Don’t let them settle if you know they are capable of more

Researchers from the University of Minnesota and the University of Miami School of Medicine explored how parents in diverse settings, including those adapting to Minnesota’s shifting economic landscape with its mix of academia and regulated gaming industries, teach competence and resilience to their kids for future success. We can say that a kid learns to be competent when they can adapt successfully to changes, much like how professionals in fields requiring quick pivots, from university research to managing online casino MN platforms amid legal updates, model flexibility for their families. For example, schoolwork gets more challenging as they progress or when they have to make new friends due to a move. We have already talked about resilience in our first list topic about overcoming failure, emphasizing how such traits help navigate unpredictable shifts in life or work.

The research found that knowledge rapidly expands for children, and the brain changes in both structure and function as they learn. The researchers listed these characteristics of parents who raise successfully resilient kids:

Good intellectual functioning
Appealing, friendly, easygoing disposition
Self-efficacy, self-confidence, high self-esteem
Talents
Faith
Close relationship with a caring parent figure
Authoritative parenting: warmth, structure, high expectations
Socioeconomic advantages
Connections to extended supportive family networks
Bonds to pro-social adults outside the family
Connections to pro-social organizations
Attending effective schools

6. Praise their efforts, not the results

Researchers looked at parents who raised successful kids based on their academic performance and found five family and home environmental factors that affect student achievement in school and academic performance. These five factors are:

Parent expectations and attributions
Structure for learning
Safe home environment
Discipline
Parent involvement

Parents who do these things differently match their school expectations but aren’t necessarily focused only on grades. The amount of effort that each student puts into their work can be different based on intelligence so praise their actions based on your knowledge of their skill level.

7. Help them find their identity separate from you and their peers

One of the most basic functions of parenting is to raise independent young people. As a result, you have to allow them to be different from you. Parents who raise successful kids enable their children to form a separate personality from themselves early in their development, and they respect these differences.

8. Teach kindness, respect, and manners

These three traits, probably more than any others that they will learn will help your kids to be successful in their lives.

9. Teach honesty and integrity

All of us lie, but kids learn about lying at a vulnerable age. They see that a lie might keep them from getting a punishment, so the lie has a built-in reward. Eventually, you will catch them in a lie like the one raising successful kids. When you see them, point out what happens when they lie as far as the impact on others’ lives, rather than focus on the punishment or evidence.

10. Teach them to stand up for themselves and others

Kids get pushed around a lot by bullies, authority figures, adults who don’t know them, and people who want to take advantage of them. Of course, you protect your kids from stranger danger, but knowing that they know how to reject mistreatment will help them succeed in many important ways when you aren’t around.

Helping them to stand up for other people when their rights are being abused is helping to raise successful members of a healthy society that work together for the common good. Kids who reject not only bullying of themselves but bullying of others are, and good kids who successful and future-minded parents raise.

7 Signs of Well-Adjusted Kids

1. Well-adjusted kids do well in school and put effort into their work.

Well-adjusted children care about their performance in school and do their best on assignments. This doesn’t mean they will always get straight A’s; it’s the effort and thought that truly counts. In general, successful children do well in school because their parents were involved from the start in their academic success. The parents may have helped them study for tests, created flashcards, or gotten a tutor to guide them in a challenging class.

Most parents want their children to succeed academically, but it takes a tricky balance of discipline and love from an early age. Being too hard on children will cause them to rebel and not care about assignments. However, going easy on them and letting them do their own thing may make them lazy. So, parents are responsible for instilling persistence and work ethic in their children.

If they’ve done an excellent job of parenting, their child’s academic success will reflect that. Of course, we’re not saying that all of the child’s success falls on the parents. However, studies have shown that activities such as reading to your child each day enhance literary and language skills.

Reading to them also develops their cognitive abilities. For instance, reading to children around age four results in them scoring higher on reading and writing tests at age eight. This holds across various socioeconomic statuses, research shows.

2. They have empathy for others.

Well-adjusted kids are emotionally stable and have compassion for others. Their parents raised them with love and care so that they can extend that empathy to their classmates, too. Children who grew to not just look out for themselves but for others in their community will likely become upstanding citizens as adults.

Teaching them that they’re part of society will help them work with others for the common good. Kind children are also more likely to stand up for others when they see them being mistreated. If we want a more caring, empathetic society, it all starts at home. Well-adjusted children know that their words, actions, and behaviors have an effect on those around them. As such, they do their best to act selflessly and open their hearts to the injustices happening in the world.

3. Well-adjusted kids have high self-esteem.

Children raised with care and compassion will learn how to love themselves and have confidence in who they are. Parents should raise their kids in a loving, warm, safe environment and foster a healthy, open relationship with children. Studies show that children who have friendly, supportive parents have better well-being and coping skills later in life. On the other hand, being raised in a chaotic, stressful environment can adversely affect children. They may have trouble in school, difficulty maintaining jobs, and have turbulent relationships.

Well-adjusted children will have confidence in themselves because their parents gave them proper guidance from a young age. Children with high self-esteem won’t be as emotionally reactive and will have the useful tools to make good decisions in life.

4. They show gratitude often.

Stable children will also feel more grateful for the life they’ve been given. Parents who wish to instill this quality in kids may take them to homeless shelters or soup kitchens to volunteer or spend time with those less fortunate. If children can see firsthand what others go through in life, they will be more humble and empathetic.

Having them meet people from all walks of life may encourage children to participate in social work or other humanitarian efforts later on.

5. Stable, well-rounded kids know the value of hard work.

Children raised to perform chores, and other responsibilities will quickly learn that nothing in life comes for free. They have to work to obtain the necessities of life and anything extra they may want. Giving them an allowance for doing certain chores will teach them the actual value of a dollar. As they get older, this will help them manage money and instill a work ethic as they enter a career.

This doesn’t mean children should do every chore in the house, but just a few to teach them fundamental responsibility. Taking out the trash, loading the dishwasher, and sweeping the floors are a few ways they could help around the house. Also, if children grow up with a pet, they will learn how to care for something outside themselves. This offers another great way for them to learn responsibility.

6. They aren’t afraid of failure.

Helicopter parenting teaches children to fear making mistakes and steals their confidence from them. On the other hand, studies show that moderate parental involvement teaches children to take the lead and figure out tasks independently. Taking a step back from parenting and allowing kids to be independent fosters resiliency and self-confidence.

Children who are raised to take risks and navigate problems on their own will feel more comfortable and self-assured as adults. Parents of stable children will teach them to value effort over results because mistakes are inevitable in life. It’s your attitude about failure that determines your next step.

Final Thoughts on How Parents Who Raise Successful Kids Do Things Differently

Studies show that parents who raise successful kids follow a similar blueprint for childrearing. They give their children guidance, but they don’t smother them. They show their kids love and compassion but also reprimand them when necessary.

Parents of successful children set boundaries and give kids rules to follow to instill a sense of responsibility. They also stress the importance of doing well in school, not just getting good grades but also learning the basics in life.

These parents also allow their kids to fail and don’t wish to raise perfectionists. This way, children will learn from their mistakes and not take life too seriously. After all, no one reached success without a trail of failures behind them.

6 Things You Should Stop Doing to Your Partner To Make Them Feel Ugly

August 25, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Relationships require work. They require mutual respect, honesty, support and unconditional love. But, what happens when one partner does not recognize how destructive they are being? It’s usually the simple comments, comparing, and jokes that become malicious. Behind every comment that ends with “I’m just kidding” there is some truth that opens the door to dishonesty. It’s in these moments that the we are triggered with the insensitivity of our mates.

Here are 6 things you should stop doing to your partner to make them feel ugly:

1. Compare your mate to another person.

Nothing hurts deeper than someone comparing us to another. Whether it be body size, hair, clothing style or mannerisms, it’s painful to feel that we aren’t good enough. Also, no one wants to be sized up against an ex. If you are comparing your new mate to your ex, you shouldn’t be with this new person. It’s hard enough to start relationships on a clean slate. Everyone has a past, but when we are compared to someone we haven’t even met, we tend to take those things even more personally. Magazine ads are photoshopped. People are not. It’s time we are kinder and gentler with our partners.

2. Pretending you are listening.

You are either on the computer, or watching television, and you aren’t hearing what your mate is saying. You say whatever you feel will get you back to what you are doing. You agree even when you aren’t hearing what is being said. So, you disregard his/her questions and get back to the business of keeping your attention on the screen. There is ugliness in not accepting and acknowledging your partner. There is a sense of loneliness and rejection in not really seeing them or hearing them.

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” ~ Donald Miller

3. Criticizing them in front of others.

When you judge or criticize your partner in front of others, it is demoralizing. You aren’t just making him or her look bad, you are making yourself look really mean. If you think that others don’t catch the sarcasm, the little comments that are put-downs, or the arrogant remarks, you are truly living in your own universe. People notice those things. It says a lot about character, compassion and the type of person you are. It’s in the small comments that your partner sees your inconsideration, your disrespect and the ability to manipulate with an audience.

4. Calling them by pet names that may embarrass them.

You can’t call your partner, “Chunky Monkey” and expect them to feel good about themselves. Nicknames are not always terms of endearment. They can be sarcastic and disconcerting. When you patronize your partner, especially in front of others, you are not making a point. You are devaluing them and adding salt to an already open wound.

It’s one thing to encourage your partner to lose weight, work out together, and eat healthier. It’s another to call them out in public, or even behind closed doors. This is manipulative and abusive. It’s hurtful, distasteful, and it creates a huge barrier in the relationship. Even if you think it’s “cute,” don’t do it.

5. Telling them they look awful in an outfit.

You might think you are helping your partner out by voicing your opinion, but the moment you judge an outfit, a hairstyle, makeup, or whatever else pertains to looks, you are hurting that person.

Unless you are a professional stylist, it’s best not to input on how your partner looks. Most of us are doing the best we can with what we know. There are sensitive ways to sharing how you feel with your mate. You can say, “I don’t like that outfit” rather than, “You look awful in that outfit.” There is always a healthy and positive way of expressing things that come out less harsh. You do not have to be so blunt that the person feels they are ugly, whether it be the dress or slacks.

“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.” ~ J.K. Rowling

6. Criticizing their friends.

You are a reflection of who you associate with. When you start to tell your partner that you don’t like their friends, you are creating a huge division. You don’t have to like his or her friends, and you can start to make new friends together. But, telling your partner that his or her friends are horrible is not going to be an easy win in the long haul. Good friends stick around. You cannot judge every single person and make your mate feel bad about who is in their lives. When you compare your mate to that friend you dislike, you are truly being arrogant and distressing.

“According to the triangular theory of love developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg, the three components of love are intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy encompasses feelings of attachment, closeness, connectedness, and bond-ness. Commitment encompasses, in the short term, the decision to remain with another, and in the long term, the shared achievements and plans made with that other person.”

If you are in a committed relationship, you should be able to discuss issues, challenges and have deep conversations about the things you like and don’t like. Respect is a two way street. You should always treat your partner with the same respect and appreciation that you expect. There is always a loving way to reach an agreement. It’s a matter of being kind.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

6 Behaviors That Make People Like You More

August 25, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Likable people have an aura of confidence and joyfulness. They are always smiling. These folks don’t carry the world on their shoulders or have anything that forces negativity in your presence. Their behavior is easy. But what makes others like someone so much? What attracts us to them?

Being likable means having qualities that make others feel comfortable and attracted to you. Likable individuals are often friendly, approachable, and empathetic, with a positive attitude and a genuine interest in others. They have good social skills and connect with people on a personal level. Being likable can help to build strong relationships, create positive first impressions, and increase opportunities for success in both personal and professional settings. Ultimately, well-liked people are those who others enjoy being around.

To be likable, you must have good communication skills, including listening actively and responding appropriately to others. Well-liked people also tend to have a sense of humor, which can help ease social tension and make others feel more relaxed. Being likable can also involve being open-minded, non-judgmental, and accepting others’ differences, creating a more inclusive and welcoming social environment. Additionally, likable people tend to be confident in themselves without being arrogant and show genuine interest in others, which helps build trust and rapport with others. Finally, being likable involves being authentic and genuine rather than putting on a facade or trying to be someone you’re not.

Here are six behaviors that make people like you more:

1. They want nothing in return.

Likable people genuinely ask for nothing. They sit with you, share a cup of coffee, and converse. They make eye contact, smile, and want to be with you. The likable individual places you in the moment. In an interview, author Toni Morrison shared with Oprah many years ago that one of the most critical aspects we possess is the art of being present with anyone. If someone walks into the room, give that person your attention.

Likable people can put whoever is around them first and foremost for attention. They want to help and will offer assistance with wholehearted presence. A likable person wants to help you, but not for their benefit. They want to make sure they can be of service to you because they have endured their share of struggles.

2. They have incredible listening powers.

A likable individual will let you talk and share about your life. When you walk away from them, you immediately think, “Wow, what a great person. I know nothing about them.” They will make you the center of attention and have no problem making you feel lighter with all you share. They can feel like a free therapy session. You will often admit, “I’ve never shared this with anyone before.”

These folks have such a beautiful sense of awesomeness that the person talking doesn’t realize they haven’t even asked about them. But that’s the incredible characteristic of a likable person: they are never selfish. They believe everyone is owed a moment of feeling special. After all, don’t we all want to be heard?

3. They aren’t insecure.

Likable people have no hangups about how others see them. They are happy in their skins. They know that they will meet many people when they are in a group setting. The likable person can transfer that confidence to others when they speak with them. You can’t be jealous of someone providing space for you to feel good about yourself. They compliment others with easiness.

These types of people don’t care how anyone sees them. They only want to make sure you know your greatness. They will do anything to make you feel good about yourself. You can start a conversation with them, complaining, and they will change it and say something like, “Isn’t that an amazing opportunity for you to….”

4. They are genuine folks.

The likable person has nothing to prove. What you see is what you get with them. They are genuine in all aspects. If they don’t like something, they will let you know. They speak up and share with others, even if the subject doesn’t agree. They can let you know, “I admire your opinion. Let’s agree to disagree.” And they will say this in a non-condescending manner that doesn’t feel intrusive. It’s just a matter of choosing your language and your tone. The likable person knows that words have power, and they will utilize language most commonly without ever feeling attacked.

5. They do not judge or criticize.

These folks like everyone. And, if they don’t understand something, they will accept it as is but never judge or criticize you for what you are doing. The likable person believes everyone is entitled to lessons, opportunities, and opinions. They learn from others. These people know that diversity is the secret to growth. If you want to be liked, start holding back any judgment against another. Likable people have no class barriers or standards. They can sit with the homeless person as easily as a rich one. They know that life has ups and downs and everyone is the same.

6. They touch people.

The likable person has few personal boundaries. They like to touch and hug. It doesn’t matter who you are. They enjoy feeling the person nearby, and not in a creepy way, of course. They make you feel comfortable but not pushing themselves on you. These people know how to read body language. They aren’t shy individuals; whether it is a pat on the shoulders, a handshake, or a hug, the likable person connects with you. A handshake will do if you are trying to be likable and have an issue with touching others. Touching is one of the most expressive arts of communication.

Final Thoughts on Behaviors That Make People Like You

Likable people are liked because of what they give: full attention, compliments, listening skills, and friendly advice. They are teachers and givers of time. They laugh at themselves and rarely show any negative qualities. Whatever happens in their lives, they move past those things with grace. To be liked, you must be selfless, giving, and willing to put others in front of the conversation. The likable person wants to be present and enjoy.

If you want to become more likable, engaging in self-examination and critically examining your behavior and social skills is essential. It means being honest about your strengths and weaknesses and identifying improvement areas. You should also seek feedback from others by asking directly or observing their reactions to your behavior. Once you clearly understand your strengths and areas for improvement, you can make changes and develop the skills and qualities to make you more likable. However, this process requires self-awareness, introspection, and a willingness to change, which can be challenging but ultimately rewarding.

Here’s How This One Simple Spice Can Heal Brain Damage

August 24, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Turmeric has been used as a medicinal cure for various health conditions for centuries. Only relatively recently, however, have these uses gained a more scientific consensus. Today, many medical professionals and prestigious health organizations attest to the medicinal potency of turmeric and curcumin for the body, brain, and beyond.

(Side-note: since the words curcumin and turmeric are often used both in conjunction and interchangeably, it is important to describe what exactly comprises them. Turmeric is the spice as a whole, while curcumin is an element of turmeric – this is the only difference. Turmeric consists of a number of active elements, with curcumin among the most notable ingredients in terms of effect.)

Research Reveals How This Simple Spice Can Heal A Brain Damage

Curcumin as an antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and lipophilic action improves the cognitive functions in patients with Alzheimer’s Disease (AD). – The Effect of curcumin (turmeric) on Alzheimer’s disease: An overview, Annals of Indian Academy of Neurology

As with many spices and herbs that have proven to be medically helpful, turmeric has been around for a long time. It is quite extraordinary that so many countless natural remedies are just now beginning to gain proper (and overdue) recognition.

It is estimated that turmeric has over 600 known medical uses, and possibly many more. Keep in mind that these medical uses are not purely anecdotal – they are scientifically valid (as seen in the excerpt above, confirming turmeric’s AD benefits.)

This leads us to perhaps the most recent – and maybe the most important – turmeric discovery: the ability to potentially heal brain damage. Many scientists attest to turmeric’s cognitive benefits, including its ability to counteract neurodegenerative disorders, making this uncovering all the more sensible.

In an article published in the journal Stem Cell Research & Therapy, researchers exposed fetal rats to varying amounts of Aromatic (ar-) turmerone – a biologically-active element of turmeric (Curcuma longa). The study was conducted in order to test the hypothesis that ar-turmerone inhibits a response that could prove beneficial to counteracting, and potentially treating, neurodegenerative disease.

After exposing the fetal rates to ar-turmerone, researchers measured and compared the levels of neural stem cells (NSC’s) to pre-exposure levels. It was determined that certain doses of ar-turmerone stimulated the growth of NSCs, both in vitro (in a controlled setting) and in vivo (within the living animal). Thus, researchers concluded that ar-turmerone aids in the proliferation of NSCs, which may help support brain cell regeneration.

The research findings were published in both mainstream and medical news outlets, and with good reason. Degenerative brain diseases are among the most devastating and physically imposing conditions that someone can acquire. Conditions such as Alzheimer’s, Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS, or Lou Gehrig’s Disease), and others render millions of people to a life of limited mobility and outright dependency.

This and other research discoveries provide a ray of hope to not only patients, but to their families and loved ones. Moreover, society has been desperately seeking a way to prevent such debilitating illnesses from occurring. As it may turn out, a trip to the local grocer, or a health and nutrition store may just be in the answer.

Of course, as with any medical research, more rigorous testing and overall consensus from medical professionals and scientists is going to be required. While it is clear that turmeric possesses a multitude of health benefits, cognitive and otherwise, medical treatment of any form must pass rigorous litmus tests in order to be widely recommended.

What is clear, however, is that turmeric should be considered as a necessary component of one’s nutritional regimen. There is simply far too much research proving the myriad of benefits from turmeric not to utilize its powerful, and potentially life-saving, medical properties.

So, this naturally leads to the question: what is the best kind of turmeric to use? The most successful brain research has been conducted with holistic turmeric ingredients. In other words, consuming curcumin alone – while it does contain powerful properties – is not the apparent solution, at least in terms of neurodegenerative prevention.

On the other hand, for certain medical conditions (e.g. chronic inflammation or precancerous growths) ingesting a concentrated dose of curcumin is preferential, as this directly acts on the physiological mechanisms that induce the condition.

Simply put, it all comes down to the individual nature of one’s biological makeup and medical condition(s), if any. The overall goal of someone taking turmeric or curcumin should be prevention. At the risk of sounding cliché, it is much simpler to prevent a disease or medical condition than it is to cure it.

Note: this article should be used strictly as an informational/entertainment source. The author is not a licensed medical professional, and recommendations should not be construed as medical advice. Treatments and associated directives should be attained solely from a chosen, licensed medical provider.

The Psychology Behind Why Siblings Often Grow Apart

August 24, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Perhaps you and your siblings had a close relationship in childhood but drifted apart as time passed. When most people enter adulthood, other aspects of life take precedences, such as careers and families. Sadly, a lot of siblings even live in different cities due to modern urbanization, making regular visits more difficult.

However, deeper psychological reasons exist to explain why siblings often grow apart later in life. One of these explanations involves the relationships between siblings and parents. Even the most well-meaning parents can create a rift between their children depending on how they raise them.

You and your siblings probably had a unique relationship with your parents. Even if your mom or dad tried to remain fair, they still might have treated both of you differently. For instance, the eldest child usually gets more attention than the younger siblings. They usually also have more responsibilities, but this doesn’t make the youngest child feel any less jealous.

As a result, siblings might lash out at each other or disagree because of unfair parenting habits. Of course, most parents don’t even realize that they treat their children differently. They may not do it on purpose, but it still causes problems between family members.

Feelings of resentment, jealousy, or envy can pop up when siblings find even minor things to argue about. ‘Dad/Mom always liked you best’ comes up often during sibling rivalries, which can easily spiral out of control. A small argument may turn into a week-long skirmish, for instance, making both siblings even more resentful.

Below, we will look at rivalry and other psychological dynamics that affect why siblings so often grow apart. We’ll also touch on how you can repair these relationships and enjoy a deep bond that will last a lifetime.

The Sibling Relationship From Childhood to Adolescence

Your closest, most memorable years with your siblings usually happen during childhood. Most people remember being close friends and playmates with their young brothers and sisters. But, they often find that they grow apart during their teenage years. You can even see evidence of this in old photos since your parents probably took most of them during your childhood. Perhaps as a teen, you felt awkward and didn’t want your picture taken as often.

The teenage years are all about discovering your identity, separately from your family. That explains why many brothers and sisters grow apart during this phase, especially if one is older. They may have an after-school job while going to college and not have as much free time.

During this phase of life, parents also give their children some breathing room and allow them to make independent decisions. As the teens gain more autonomy, they mature into their own personalities and may not feel as close with family.

During your childhood, your parents often watched over you and your siblings to ensure you played fairly. They helped level the playing field and made sure one of you didn’t hoard all the toys, for instance. But as you get older and have more responsibilities, you and your siblings have to overcome struggles without your mom or dad’s help.

Sibling Psychology From Teenagers to Young Adults

Israeli researchers looked at how siblings often grow apart sometime between the turbulent teenage years and young adulthood. They discovered that emerging adults spent less time and had less involvement in activities with their siblings than teenagers. However, they had a deeper emotional bond and felt more warmth toward their siblings. Also, they experienced less intense conflict in young adulthood compared to their teenage years.

This likely occurred because young adults tend to have a more mature perception of their sibling relationships. In adolescence, however, siblings still see each other as extensions of the parents and may identify themselves with them.

A study in the Journal of Marriage and Family looked at sibling relationships between 9000 people aged 16-85. Researchers examined how sibling relationships change over time, quantifying the difference with four types of sibling relationship behavior. The four relationship behaviors include the following: physical proximity, frequency of contact, giving help, and receiving help. Over a lifetime, the researchers say, ‘All four measures of sibling relationship decline significantly during early adulthood.’

Young Adult Siblings And Later Years

It seems that in their golden years, siblings leave all the petty stuff behind and learn to get along. They realize how much time they spent arguing over silly things, and how they can’t get that time back. With age usually comes humility and a new outlook on life, so that plays a role in the changing sibling dynamics.

They want to live out their days in love and harmony, just getting to know each other again. Life and time have a way of making people distant, but as you age, you understand what really matters.

Researchers also found that physical location between siblings and frequency of contact tends to stabilize in middle age. Furthermore, they discovered that how often you and your siblings connect shows a slight increase after reaching age 70.

As siblings and their other family members age, parents inevitably pass away, leaving the sibling feeling alone. The researchers suggest that siblings act as a type of substitute for parents, spouses, and children. By providing similar social and family support to each other later in life, they receive similar benefits.

Final Thoughts on Sibling Relationships Throughout Life

Your closest and best relationship often happens with your brother or sister, as studies have shown. The similarity in age along with growing up together make it easy to bond and develop trust. You have likely been through a lot and seen each other at your worst moments.

However, you still have a deep love and care for one another despite the dark times. You also have plenty of beautiful memories and stories to share well into your later years.

Of course, most families deal with disagreements and rivalries at some point. The most turbulent years usually occur in childhood and adolescence, but then taper off into adulthood. As siblings grow more comfortable with their identities, they begin to miss their brother or sister. By reaching out even through text, the bond remains strong and they have a renewed appreciation for each other.

Parallel universes do exist, and scientists have the proof…

August 24, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Parallel universes are a staple of science fiction television shows, like Fringe, for example. In these universes, most things are the same except for a few relatively minor differences. In our universe, we can only perceive four dimensions, but according to different theories in particle and theoretical physics, there could be more dimensions.

Parallel universes do exist, and scientists have the proof…

The Multiple Worlds Interpretation is a theory which postulates that everything that has happened or could have happened in history has happened in an alternate timeline or dimension. These dimensions sprout from each other like branches on a bush, infinitely. The core of the MWI is that the equations that model the evolution of systems over time function the same whether or not there are embedded observers in the system. So what does that mean? To understand, you first have to know what the Schrodinger’s Cat thought experiment is.

In this experiment, there is a cat in a sealed and opaque box with a radioactive element and a Geiger counter hooked up to some sort of poison. The radioactive element has a 50/50 chance of decaying, and therefore, a 50/50 chance of setting off the Geiger counter, which will release the poison and kill the cat. But, until you open up the box to see if the cat is alive or dead, the cat exists in a quantum super-positional state where it is both alive and dead at the same time.

Every time you make a decision for a microsecond, before you make that decision, you are in a super-positional state where you have made both choices. The MWI timeline splits into different universes where you have made the same choice in different ways. So, these universes theoretically continue to split and multiply with every decision by every person, animal, or particle, for that matter.

Now, String Theory tries to explain all of this by attempting to unify Quantum Mechanics and Gravity. No easy feat considering no one has been able to successfully do it yet. The problem is that our ability to measure gravity breaks down at the atomic and subatomic level. Gravity is one of the four fundamental forces of the universe, but it is also very weak. Weak? Really? Yes, it takes the entire mass of our planet to hold you to the ground. But, what about super massive black holes? Yes, they are very powerful, but require an astronomical amount of mass to achieve that power, and when compared to the other forces of the universe, it is still the weakest. So, what does all of this have to do with multiple universes?

Well, in order for String Theory to function, it needs extra “pocket” dimensions added to ours in order to make the math work – at least ten extra dimensions, in fact. These extra dimensions have to be “compactified” to a point where they are too small to measure. These extra dimensions can also be compactified in different ways. Picture the number 10 with 500 zeroes after it; that’s how many different ways we’re talking about here. Each of these compactifications will result in a separate universe with different physical laws. Unfortunately, string theory is useless in the search for which of these many universes we live in and where the rest of the universes reside.

Back to the beginning of our universe. After the Big Bang, there was a period of inflation where space/time itself was rushing outwards faster than the speed of light. Inflation theory was used to explain the even temperature of the observational universe. But, it also predicted there would be fluctuations in the background temperature, which were confirmed by multiple spacecraft, including the PLANCK and Cosmic Background Explorer. What this means is that our universe is eternally inflating, and some pieces of this universe may “break off” into other universes ad infinitum. When you combine this with string theory, you get an infinite number of universes with an infinite number of physical laws.

The universes predicted by String Theory and Inflation would occupy the same physical space, uno,like Quantum Mechanics, which currently is purely math driven. If they occupy the same physical space, then they may overlap or collide from time to time, and if they do, then we should be able to find a way to detect that collision or overlap. These collisions would leave evidence in the night sky that we could search for. Depending on the model used, they could be hot or cold spots in the cosmic background or voids in the distribution of galaxies within the universe.

While scientists are searching for these clues, others are looking for more indirect indications. Gravity waves were predicted by Einstein, and until recently, undiscovered. The LIGO (Laser Interferometer Gravitational-Wave Observatory) recently detected gravity waves from a pair of colliding black holes 1.3 billion light years away. This strengthens the case for inflation, and by extension, the idea of multiple universes.

11 Quotes to Remember When Everything Is Going Wrong

August 24, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Sometimes, it seems that everything goes wrong, despite our best efforts to make things right.We can do everything in our power to make something work, but life might have different plans. Many of us feel as though we have no control over our lives, and while that might hold some truth to some extent, we do have the power to control how we react to situations. The next time you feel frustrated or at the end of your rope over something in life, just remember the following quotes to keep things in perspective.

11 Quotes to Remember When Everything Is Going Wrong

1. Sometimes you just need to talk to a four year old and an 84 year old to understand life again. – Kristen Butler

Sometimes, we forget important lessons throughout life that can help us through tough situations. When we can get a different perspective, it can make all the difference in how we react to a situation. Next time you find that everything is going wrong, talk to a child and an older adult to see what they think about it. Chances are, you’ll get your answer, plus a whole new outlook on life.

2. If you have nothing to be grateful for, check your pulse.

When everything goes wrong, we often forget about everything we have to be grateful for. Remember that even when your life seems like a nightmare, you have the chance at making everything right again, because you are alive and breathing.

3. Always remember that your present situation is not your final destination. The best is yet to come.

Remember that you are not a tree; you can move. When everything goes wrong, maybe the best choice is just to move on, set your sights on new horizons, and write a new chapter in your story.

4. When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. When life is bitter, say thank you and grow.

We live in a world of duality; we must have darkness to show us the light, and vice versa. Don’t expect life to always hand you lemons, but when it does, say your thanks and use them as you will.

5. Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.

See the beauty in the bad times and know that something better lies ahead. Use the bad experiences as a tool to help you grow, learn and gain a new perspective.

6. Look for something positive in every day, even if some days you have to look a little harder.

Not every day will go exactly as you planned and have rainbows and butterflies; some days will challenge you, but let those experiences change you for the better.

7. Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful.

Everything might go wrong, but look at the things you still have that mean the world to you. If you have a pulse, a family who loves you, friends that adore you, food to eat and roof over your head, you have more than most.

8. You’re always one decision away from a totally different life.

If you don’t like your life, remember; you can change it. You have the power and control to make this life everything you ever dreamed of, so don’t let reality discourage you. And you can transcend reality based on your thoughts, perceptions, and attitude.

9. No matter how you feel – get up, dress up, show up and never give up.

Never allow life to beat you down for too long; you can only move forward and make positive change if you keep a good mindset and allow the tough times to make you stronger.

10. The older I get, the more I realize no one has any idea what they are doing and everyone is just pretending.

The next time you take life too seriously, remember that we all are winging it here. No one knows more than anyone else on the right way to live, so if things go wrong, remember that everyone is in the same boat. You are not alone here.

11. Overthinking will destroy your mood. Breathe and let go.

Sometimes, we even create problems in our own heads that don’t really exist in reality. Stay mindful of your thoughts, and don’t let them control you.

Ask yourself, “Is everything really going wrong, or do I just think that based on my perception?”

Weekly tips, affirmations, and small actions to feel your best.

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!