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Researchers Reveal How Body Aging Occurs in 3 Different Shifts

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Aging is not something we eagerly anticipate.  We may look forward to the experiences, knowledge, maturity, and wisdom that comes with years lived. But the aging process itself? Not so much.  We all age a little differently based on genetics, general health, and personal care, but we all do age.  Science used to say we start aging from the day after we are born since our cells die off, and new ones are born.  We considered aging a constant progressive occurrence throughout our lives.  Now researchers reveal how your body ages in 3 different shifts.

The growing aging population

As we go through life, we don’t stop and think about how the dominant ages of those around us affect the world.  Currently, we have more people living into their 60s and beyond than ever before.  The issue of increased 60+-year-old individuals caused the World Health Organization to develop a Global Strategy and Action Plan on Aging and Health.   WHO published an article addressing the need for this concern and the various issues associated with having a developing aging population.

WHO Findings

  • In 2015, according to WHO, worldwide, we had 900 million people who were age 60 and older. By 2050, that growth is expected to be 2 billion.
  • Today there are 125 million people who are age 80 and over. By 2050, it statisticians expect 434 million across the globe.
  • The majority of the older population will live in poor to middle-class countries.
  • The wealthier countries are already experiencing this shift and are having more time to adjust than the less affluent countries. Some will only have about 20 years to make that adjustment.

In some respects, being able to live longer has many advantages.  There are more years to learn a new trade or hobby or mentor the younger generations.  They can be available for their families to help out in raising their grandchildren.  This scenario is contingent upon a significant factor – their health.

Despite how things may appear in the United States, the older populace isn’t living any healthier than previous generations. Significant disabilities continue to decline in more advanced countries. However, less affluent countries fail to make the same strides.

WHO’s strategy

This is why WHO is developing a plan to help improve the transition of an older population.  Many issues correspond.  Misguided bias and prejudice against older people as frail, less mentally aware, and more of a burden still exist.  Many countries don’t have an effective plan for older groups to stay independent. Plus, families are spread out across the globe.

WHO’s Global Strategy is designed to address some key issues:

  • Stress the importance of aging with as much health as possible and to pass plans to ensure such methods are available.
  • Coordinating health care to accommodate older generations better.
  • Creating long-term care systems
  • Fighting ageism prejudice, allowing for independence and support for healthy aging across all governments
  • Improving understanding of aging issues through research, observation, studies, and compassion.

These are important goals and necessary to change the perspective toward aging and to encourage better health during the aging process. This plan will allow older generations to thrive and continue to contribute to society.

How our bodies age

When discussing aging, we tend to narrow our vision toward those who are 60 and over.  Aging is a process, and how we care for ourselves throughout our lifetime is one factor that affects how much these processes impact our health.  Understanding what is to be considered a normal part of aging is essential so as not to overlook or ignore early symptoms, which may point to a major problem better resolved earlier.  It is also imperative to understand that while aging is a natural part of life, there are still choices we can make to maintain as much health as possible.

Aging occurs in stages

You may have been told that aging is a steady progression.  We have been aging since right after our 20s when we peaked in our physical and mental capabilities.  Recently, scientists have discovered that it may not be the case.  Instead, we have three distinct markers in our lifetime, which initiate the aging process.

A report in Nature Medicine outlines the identification of specific proteins in our blood plasma, which show alterations at particular stages of our lives.  Benoit Lahallier and colleagues at Stanford University in Stanford, Ca based their hypothesis that aging could be identified from multiple earlier studies.  These studies had demonstrated that it was possible to alter the aging process of specific tissues by giving younger blood to aging mice.

One particular study, performed by Geraldine Gontier and colleagues at the University of California in San Francisco, CA, was published in Cell.  The scientists discovered that the blood did not need to come from very young mice, but that transfusions from mice in their teenage years worked as well.  They had identified a specific enzyme that mutates as we age, affecting our heart health and cognitive ability.

This led Benoit Lahallier and colleagues to speculate that there must be specific frames of time in which the aging process starts as opposed to it being a constant process.  They measured 2,925 different blood plasma proteins from 4,263 individuals aged 18-95.  1,379 changed with age.  What they discovered was that at specific periods, there were waves of alterations in certain plasma proteins.

Those ages were found to be about the mid to late 30s, mid-60s, and late 70s.

Why is this important?

Identifying these markers is vital in furthering tests that can inform people if they are aging faster or slower than their physical age would typically predict.  By doing so, someone who may be aging more quickly can be identified.  This may allow them to make specific changes in their lifestyles earlier on.  It would also aid doctors in not ignoring certain symptoms due to the idea that one shouldn’t be showing these symptoms for maybe ten years.

The current expected aging process

You must become proactive about your health. Moreover, use a little critical thinking when certain things don’t seem to be functioning as well as they used to.  Blaming it all on aging and then ignoring it may not be the best answer.  Aging is a slow and gradual process.  You may notice slight limits on certain functions over time.  Both eyes age at the same time, so if one is behaving differently than the other, most likely, it is not related to age.

What can we expect to be a part of our aging, beyond just grey hair?  Here are only a few of the expectations.

Aging impacts on the body

Vision changes

  • About the age of 40, most people will need reading glasses as the lens of your eye becomes stiffer and less able to adjust to differences in distance
  • About the age of 60, an increased chance of developing cataracts
  • In comparison, glaucoma or macular degeneration are eye conditions related to health issues, not aging.

Decline in hearing

  • Around the age of 60, about 30% of individuals, predominantly men, may develop some loss of hearing with difficulty toward certain pitches or identifying one noise from others in a crowded room.

Reduction in strength and stamina

We gradually begin losing muscle mass and flexibility. This doesn’t just apply to our arm and leg muscles, but also our heart and other organs.  As a result, we even lose stamina.  Maintaining cardio and weight training can significantly decrease the impact of this on your life.

Arterial decline

  • A consequence of our arteries losing flexibility and stiffening usually results in high blood pressure. Not smoking, exercise, and diet can minimize this.

Anemia and vitamin deficiency

  • Anemia resulting in fatigue

Many people 65 and older become iron deficient or develop anemia. Counter this either through diet or through iron supplements.

Skin

  • Starting at about 40, the collagen in our bodies starts to decline. This leaves our skin less plump and firm, more prone to dryness, infections, and wrinkles, or crepe looking skin.  Diet, drinking a lot of water, not smoking, moisturizing often, and taking care of wounds right away can minimize the appearance and decrease the speed in which the collagen breaks down.
anti aging foods

Learn 13 foods that help to nourish aging skin.

Bone and joint strength

  • Our joints will begin to lose essential minerals necessary to maintain their power. They become more fragile, more susceptible to fractures or sprains, and shorter.  Supplementing with calcium and Vitamin D plus weight training can keep this to a minimum or decrease the rate of deterioration.

relationships as we ageFinal Thoughts on How Our Bodies Age

Brush up, so you have a good handle on aging, healthy aging, and increased medical awareness. You’ll find each of these essential for the coming years.  One could argue that it always should have been. However, science requires time and much research to find the right avenue.  Researchers revealing that we age in stages is a big step in understanding the process and can be instrumental in helping us to be more proactive in maintaining our health.

Additionally, we can learn how to slow down what could become a debilitating condition.  While our age is just a number, that can only hold if we do the things necessary to age as healthily as possible.  The coming decades should be exciting for discoveries to that avail.

Therapists Explain 5 Ways To Overcome Compulsive Disorder

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Compulsive disorder, typically called obsessive-compulsive disorder or OCD for short, is a mental disorder that entails the necessity of repeated routines or thoughts. Repeated but uncontrollable actions are referred to as compulsions. Repeated and uncontrollable thoughts are referred to as obsessions.

Those who live with OCD often need to learn to manage it and overcome the symptoms and struggles it poses in everyday life. This is easier said than done, but there are some expert-approved methods that can help you.

Do note that we are not suggesting that these tips alone can “overcome” or “cure” a compulsive disorder, as that would be factually incorrect. However, alongside advice with a mental health professional, these tips may be able to help you manage certain aspects of the disorder effectively.

Here’s How Therapists Explain 5 Ways To Overcome Compulsive Disorder

1.    Understand OCD And What It Entails – Especially The Negative

Management for any disorder involves understanding. You need to know what you’re up against – even the confusing things, or the painful things. Here are some things you should know about OCD, according to Fred Penzel, Ph.D., an experienced psychologist, and International OCD Foundation Scientific and Clinical Advisory Board Member:

·         There Is No Cure

OCD is a chronic disorder. It can be managed, but there’s no way to make it go away forever. The good news is that OCD can be helped and aided to the point where it no longer severely affects your everyday life, even if it always lurks in the background.

·         You Can’t Resist Obsessions

As we mentioned, compulsions are repetitive actions, while obsessions are repetitive thoughts. While it is possible to stop yourself from performing compulsions, there is no way to block out obsessive thoughts. The more you try to ignore them, the bigger those fears will grow.

·         You Can’t Trust Your Intuition

Trying to trust your intuition when you have OCD will typically end with you being led in the wrong direction.

·         You’ll Need Continual Management

In order to prevent severe relapses, OCD must be continually managed throughout your lifetime.

·         Doubt And Guilt Are Central

OCD makes you doubt everything about yourself, from your identity to your sanity and from your opinions to your future. Guilt is also another common and excruciating part of the disorder, affecting your positive thinking. You may feel guilty about virtually anything and everything.

·         Medication Is Not Enough

While medication can help reduce OCD symptoms, cognitive behavioral therapy is typically used as the most common and most effective form of OCD treatment.

·         Treatment Goals Are To Help You Help Yourself

Ultimately, therapy involves training you to be your own therapist, so you can help yourself in the future.

Yes, these all make OCD sound terrifying – and that’s because, for many people who have it, it is. But when you’re armed with this knowledge in advance, you can prepare yourself to face and deal with them.

2.    Build A Fear Ladder

A fear ladder is a list of baby steps along the way to a huge fear, with each step rated on a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of how much anxiety it causes. Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., Lawrence Robinson, and Melinda Smith, M.A, all recommend the building and use of a fear ladder.

It is important to note that while fear ladders can be used independently by neurotypical individuals, those with OCD should not use them on their own. Instead, they are meant to be built and used during exposure and response prevention, or ERP, which is a common form of therapy for those with OCD.

Building a fear ladder can help you to cut down your biggest fears into small, manageable sizes that are realistic for you to overcome. Here is an example of a fear ladder:

  • BIG GOAL: To not be frightened near dogs
  • Give a big dog off-leash pets. – 10
  • Give a big dog on-leash pets. – 9
  • Carry a puppy – 8
  • Give a puppy on-leash pets – 7
  • Stand next to a dog wearing a leash without touching them. – 6
  • Standing 8 feet away from a dog wearing a leash. – 5
  • Stand across the street from a dog wearing a leash. – 4
  • Look at dogs play across the park. – 3
  • Look at a dog through a window. – 2
  • Watch videos of dogs. – 1

Here are some tips for building a good, effective fear ladder:

Start by thinking about your end goal and break it down from there, listing all possible lead-ups in terms of fear levels.

·         Start Slow

Take as long as you need on your first step and don’t carry on until your confidence has improved and you feel more confident performing the next action

·         Remain Calm

Anxiety often decreases the longer you are exposed to something. The next time the stress in your OCD is triggered, try to stick around long enough to expose yourself properly.

·         Let Yourself Feel The Anxiety; It’s Okay To Feel Anxious

Process these thoughts while you fight the desire to perform compulsions. It can be uncomfortable at first, but it will help in the long run.

Practice again and again in order to progress and get better, but don’t force or rush it. Take as long as you need in your practice.

3.    Do Your Therapy Homework

Almost all forms of therapy will give you homework, and if you really want to get better, you’ll have to do them. Penzel has some recommendations for doing your homework, which is as follows:

·         Review Daily

Think you know everything there is to know about your assignment? Reread it anyway. You may have missed something, or you may be able to learn more.

·         Start Whenever

Waiting for the “right time” to do your homework isn’t going to work. Do you know what moment is perfect to start? Right now!

·         Pay It Full Attention

When you do your therapy homework, it deserves your undivided attention. Itching for a break? Keep going for a total of 45 minutes, then allow yourself a short 10-minute breather.

·         If You Don’t Feel Anxious, Tell Someone

Your therapy homework is supposed to challenge you and make you feel a little bit anxious with every step. If it’s not doing that, it’s not going to be effective. Talk to your therapist about what’s happening.

·         Don’t Be a Perfectionist

One prevalent trait that those with OCD have is perfectionism. But perfection isn’t real, and the voice tells you that you need to do your homework correctly, or else it won’t work is just OCD being cruel to you.

·         Don’t Rush Through It

Give yourself time to do a little bit of your therapy homework every day. Rushing through it will be bad for your mental health, as you’ll be exposing yourself to things that will make you anxious at a rapid rate. You also won’t have enough time to really internalize what you’re learning.

·         Read Over Them

At the beginning of each day, read your assignments over so you have an idea of what you must do, and you don’t forget anything.

·         Find The Positive Sides Of Challenges

Some jobs will be challenging. Look for the silver linings in them, like how much you’ll learn and grow from them.

·         Speak Up If You’re Uncomfortable

If you feel like you aren’t ready to do a specific assignment, let your therapist know. Homework shouldn’t overwhelm you into a relapse. It should challenge you.

4.    Recognize That Your Thoughts Are Not Gospel

Clinical psychology expert Margarita Tartakovsky, M. S., encourages patients with OCD to remember that their obsessions are not gospel. They are commonly referred to as intrusive thoughts, and they are not a reflection of yourself or your personality. Violent and dangerous views do not represent you who are, and they don’t make you a less positive person.

Dr. Steven Phillipson, a clinical psychologist who studies the Amygdala and intrusive thoughts, states that these types of ideas are not formed in the areas of the brain used for autonomous decision-making, character development, or intentional action.

This explains why your intrusive thoughts can be so violently different from what you know about yourself. It feeds into your doubt, but they are just brain signals arising from the disorder. That doesn’t mean you’re going to follow through on them.

5.    Make Lifestyle Changes

Segal, Robinson, and Smith highlight the importance of managing a lifestyle when you have OCD. Though lifestyle changes alone are not sufficient in helping OCD, they can help to reduce the severity of anxiety and even reduce obsessions and compulsions. Here are some examples of lifestyle changes that you can make:

·         Avoid Nicotine and Alcohol

Both of these vices, apart from being addictive, only provide calm at first. It won’t be long before the alcohol wears off and gives you more anxiety, or the nicotine acts as a stimulant to exacerbate your OCD symptoms.

·         Exercise

Exercise is a great way to reduce mental disorders and illness symptoms. Additionally, it has such a positive effect on the anxiety that it can be considered a form of treatment. Just 30 minutes of physical activity daily can give you that little boost you need.

·         Learn To Manage Stress

Stress can trigger symptoms that worsen your anxiety and compulsive disorder. There are plenty of ways to reduce stress. You can exercise, listen to music, light a scented candle, dance, drink some soothing tea, or cuddle with a pet. You can also practice meditation or use other stress-management and prevention methods.

·         Sleep Enough

Anxiety can cause insomnia, and a lack of sleep can cause stress – it’s a vicious cycle. Work on making sure you get a minimum of 8 hours of sleep per day. Well-rested individuals have better emotional balance, allowing them to cope in a good way with OCD and other disorders with better positive thinking.

obsessive compulsive disorderFinal Thoughts on Managing Compulsive Disorder

A compulsive disorder is not a condition you can treat on your own. You will require the assistance of trained mental health professionals to ensure that you learn to manage and overcome a lot of your symptoms.

With that being said, you should also do your own part to help yourself heal. Taking steps forward to overcome compulsive disorder can be frightening, and the process of recovery will be non-linear and full of setbacks, but you’re more capable than you think you are, and you can get through it!

Psychology Explains How Humans Process Grief

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Life is amazing, painful, beautiful, and cruel.  It is a tremendous, awe-inspiring blessing. Life is quite the dichotomy.  Once it passes by, you can never go back. Therefore, it both creates more life and takes it away.  It can allow us to create abundance in our lives and also allow us to travel to the depths of depravity in times of grief.

There is not a living being on Earth who does not experience loss and regret in their lifetime.

Loss is not limited to the loss of a loved one but also includes losing one’s career, job, money, friendships, family relations, love, faith, innocence, childhood, health, and more.  If you can attain it, it can be lost.  That is a harsh reality of life.

Regret is another form of loss – a perceived loss of what we dreamed would’ve been the outcome had we made a different decision.  The reality is that you don’t know how things would’ve turned out.   Often, it is not knowing that hurts.

Feelings of loss and regret can put the brakes on you choosing to live your life.  It can devastate your view of life, yourself, and humanity.  Yet, accepting that things will never go back is the ultimate step forward. Additionally, it can serve as the first block in the foundation for your metamorphosis.

Grief by the Stages

Whenever we lose something that we viewed as essential to the meaning of our life, we experience grief.  Many people used to think that grief only applied to the loss of life, but psychologists have proven that we experience the same stages of grief regarding anything we lose which was closely related to our view of our lives.

“As humans, we are capable of attaching to many things – people, places, positions, activities, objects. When we lose something we value, we grieve. Grief, after all, is the price of love.” – Freud, S. Mourning and Melancholia (1957).

David Kessler and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified the 5 stages of grief.  David Kessler is an author and recognized expert on grief.  Elizabeth Kubler-Ross was a psychiatrist who pioneered the 5 stages of grief.  Together, she and David have published books addressing death and stages of grief.

1 – Denial

This is recognized as the first stage of grief.  Denial acts as a filter between our overwhelming emotions and our attempts to go on with life.  It allows emotions to trickle through bit by bit as we start to accept the reality of what has happened.

For a period of time, you feel emotionally numb.  As you become stronger, denial grows much less; you then have to face the emotions that had been dammed within.

2 – Anger

This stage results from those emotions coming out after denial.  You may feel anger toward anyone.  For instance, you may feel angry with friends, family, or society in general. Additionally, your faith in your God or in the meaning of life might turn into a recipient of your anger and frustration.

Anger acts as an impetus to create motion and express the magnitude of your emotions.  It becomes a saving grace from the numbness you were feeling, and, ironically, is a reflection of how much you loved.

3 – Bargaining

As your anger starts to wane, you just want anything or anyone to give you back what or who you lost.  We will try to bargain for a “second chance” to do things differently, to make the pain go away, or to find a way to return what we lost.  We may dwell in the past because of this thinking.

4 – Depression

As with intense sadness, depressing comes about as you grow closer to acknowledging that your anger is running out and bargaining hasn’t changed anything; yet, you still have to face what is lost.  You may withdraw from others, feel you are in a fog and question the point of life – including your own life.

While this stage is essential, it is important not to stay here for too long.  While this form of depression is not the same as the mental illness of depression, it can lead to it.

Express this sadness by talking about it.   Harder still, honestly look at the question of whether the loss is truly worth being depressed over.

Yes, a loss of a loved one, a career, your health, etc. is painful.  Yet, aside from allowing yourself to feel the sadness, staying depressed will not change anything for you.  It will not change the past and cannot allow you to build the future.

 5 – Acceptance

Acceptance is the fifth stage.  Acceptance doesn’t mean that anything is ok or right.  It simply means that “it is.”  The loss is your new reality; despite denial, anger, bargaining, and sadness, nothing has changed that. You fully understand and accept that you can never go back.

It doesn’t take away how you felt about the person or situation prior.  You will not be the same as you were before.  Your life will not be the same.  You may try to pretend that all is the same, but as time continues, you will learn to adjust to the differences.

With acceptance, you will start to make decisions that further your life forward.  You will recognize fully that things cannot go back.

It is important to know that these stages intermingle with each other throughout the process of healing from the grief.   You may go through some denial again while in the acceptance stage.  You may still be angry while trying to bargain.  You may even skip one stage and then go back to the missed stage at another time.

The length of time at each stage will differ depending upon yourself and the devastation of the event.   Some stages may just be a few hours while another stage lasts for weeks.  It is all okay.  Even after you experience the acceptance stage, you may still have short repeats of the stages as you adjust.

What makes acceptance so hard?

Accepting and moving on from loss is extremely difficult for most of us.  It is so universal that one has to question if there is a physiological reason for it.  If we examine how our brain functions, it does become a bit clearer.  That clarity may help us to reach acceptance sooner and with less pain in the process.

Our brains hate to lose.

Mankind has survived many things and our competitive nature has advanced our lifestyle.  Not liking to lose has pushed us as individuals past our fears toward knowledge and has taught us to persevere despite seemingly impossible odds.  It is one of the greatest traits of mankind.

On the flip side though, we tend to think of things in terms of possessions.  “My wife/husband,” “my child,” “my money,” “my house,” etc.   By making the perception of them being a possession, our brain associates it with something that we cannot lose.  It is almost as if these possessions are an extension of ourselves, and therefore, must be maintained to the same extent as our lives.

We hate not having control.

The preservation of our lives depends upon our ability to control a situation, whether that is through strength, power, persuasion, or influence.  In reality, we only have so much control over events.  We have the most control over our own responses to life.  We can’t control when death is going to happen.  We can’t control if someone else stole money from us without our knowledge or through manipulation.  We can’t control if a child develops a crippling disease.

Yes, there are certain decisions we can make to prevent as much of these events as can be foreseen, but that is not absolute control.  When we have to face that we didn’t have control, we feel weak, vulnerable and fearful.  That triggers our survival instincts, but sadly, those instincts can’t help us.

let go when dealing with grief

Read how to let go and move on peacefully.

Difficulty with change.

Our brain is designed to keep us safe.  Anything perceived as uncomfortable is translated to being unsafe.  Our brain searches for methods to feel safe again.  This is why learning to embrace change can actually be a great asset in our lives.  The fewer things that evoke the feeling of uncomfortableness, the better we can adapt.

Mankind’s ability to adapt is what has led to our survival and dominance.  While our brain still has these automatic mechanisms, the more flexible and open-minded we become, the better we can adjust to life.

The more positively we view changes, the better.  If we viewed events as an opportunity, a blessed experience, or as further growth, we are more likely to work with the events and have positive results.

never go back

Final Thoughts on Processing Grief

The fact that things will never go back does not need to be viewed with sadness, regret, fear or apprehension.   Our perceptions and attitude ultimately are what determine how we cope with all circumstances.  Think of the mindset of “things will never go back” as the first step toward freedom of taking control where you can re-create your life.

The fact that things will never go back is a certainty.  We cannot go back in time.  That is also certain.  Therefore, we must walk forward.  Let’s do it with our heads held high, hope in our hearts, and the knowledge that we are capable of greatness, of loving again, and of giving and receiving a multitude of gifts in our short time on this Earth.

Psychology Explains 3 Steps to Recovering from Narcissism

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It’s only human to have your own best interests at heart, or else you wouldn’t survive. However, some people take self-interest and egotism to the extreme and are narcissists. Recovering from narcissism isn’t an easy task, but it can be done.

Everybody has their moments of selfishness and putting themselves first. While some might casually call that narcissistic behavior, it isn’t a full-blown case. True narcissism is a mental disorder that must be diagnosed and treated by a mental health provider.

Origins of The Term Narcissism

As with many medical terms, especially in mental health, we have the Greeks to thank for the origin of our word narcissism. The Metamorphosis Project published by Cornell University explains Ovid’s iconic myth of Narcissus and Echo, both a blend of human and divine.

recovering from narcissismAccording to the myth, Narcissus was the son of a water nymph and a dazzling, handsome lad. He caught the attention of Echo, who fell madly in love with him. Narcissus rejected her affection, and she died pining away for him.

As fate would have it, the spirit of Echo was doomed to repeat the last words of anyone calling through the woods or caves. This reverberating sound effect still bears the tragedienne’s name. Ovid didn’t leave much good news for Narcissus’ fate, either.

Narcissist knelt to drink water from a pool of water and saw his reflection for the first time. He was so enthralled with his beauty that he fell in love with his reflection. The youth refused to leave the pool and obsessed over his reflection day and night until he finally died.

Narcissism as a Mental Disorder

If you are recovering from narcissism, your diagnosis is nothing new to the mental health scene. An article published by the National Library of Medicine claims that Freud was one of the first psychiatrists to write about the disorder in 1914.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is listed in the DSM-5, a handbook for professional mental health diagnoses. According to an article published by the American Family Physician Journal, narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD, is characterized by having an inflated sense of self-worth, attention-seeking, and a lack of empathy. It’s among the DSM-5 classification of 10 personality disorders in Cluster B.

The article also states that the condition is only present in about one percent of the population.

Common Signs and Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

People who are recovering from narcissism have a broad range of symptoms to overcome. If you are struggling with NPD, you may have all or some of these traits to a varying degree. The symptoms may include:

•Being obsessed about how people perceive you and basing your self-esteem on their admiration

•A highly inflated sense of self. You may experience low self-esteem if you think people aren’t admiring and praising you enough.

•Being so involved in yourself that you can’t have empathy with other people’s feelings

•You put your needs above others and disregard their needs

•You have a skewed sense of entitlement and believe you “deserve” the best all the time.

•You’re obsessed with power, fame, and material goods.

•You chronically display attention-seeking behavior so that people will admire you more.

•Extreme jealousy of other people’s things and achievements

•You believe that you are uniquely “above” the average person.

•You set unrealistic goals, trying to achieve your sense of grandeur.

•You’ve no problems with exploiting other people to get what you want.

•Since you have these behaviors, maintaining healthy relationships is difficult, if

not impossible.

•You can’t tolerate criticism, even if it’s for your own good.

•Instead of owning up to your mistakes and shortcomings, you pass the blame to others.

recovering from narcissismCommon Consequences of Having Narcissistic Personality Disorder

If you are recovering from narcissism, you’ve probably experienced some of the backlashes the disorder causes. The broken relationships and other consequences may have a long-lasting effect on your life. Here are some expected outcomes that people with NPD face:

•Estrangement from family and friends

•Few if any healthy relationships left

•Divorce or chronic break-ups with significant others

•Missed opportunities both personally and professionally

•Damaged or ruined reputation both personally and professionally

•Financial and career problems resulting from careless decisions

•A long line of broken relationships that left people feeling manipulated and demeaned by your actions.

With some or all of these consequences, it’s no wonder why people with NPD develop co-existing mental illnesses like anxiety and depression. It can turn into a whirlpool that you can’t control. Just realize that NPD is a mental illness, and these aren’t things you’re experiencing on purpose.

How Does a Doctor Diagnose NPD?

Since the signs and symptoms of NPD may overlap with other mental health disorders, diagnosis may not be straightforward. An article published in the Medical Journal Assessment explains that a professional diagnosis depends on a self-reporting questionnaire (Personality Diagnostic Questionnaire-4) and the clinician’s observations. The sum of all the data can lead to the right NPD diagnosis.

Reaching Beyond Yourself: Recovering from Narcissism

Your first step toward recovery and healing begins with acknowledging you have a problem. Unfortunately, many people with undiagnosed NPD don’t seek help because they refuse to accept that they’re less than perfect. If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with NPD, there is hope.

According to an article published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, treating patients diagnosed with NPD can be difficult. For one, NPD patients will usually deny anything wrong with them and resent the implication. On the other hand, other mental conditions may exist that exacerbate the problem.

However, states the article, it can be done. If you have co-existing mental conditions, your mental healthcare provider may prescribe a medication to ease those symptoms. The article mentions that therapists usually rely on psychotherapy and other mentalization-based therapies when treating the NPD itself.

Perhaps you or your loved one came to this point of recovery by an intervention. However, it’s up to the patients to decide whether they will cooperate with treatment. It’s a long road that’s better traveled with lots of support.

If you have been diagnosed with NPD, recovery often comes in steps. The more honest you are with yourself and your therapist, the more apt you will be to cope with your disorder. Here are three steps to consider when you are recovering from narcissism:

Three Steps for Recovering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Here are the first steps to begin the long road to recovery from NPD.

1. Gain a Better Understanding of Who You Are

One of the fascinating things about being human is that you’re still one among billions of other individuals, although you are an individual. When you have NPD, you may have a skewed sense of superiority without even understanding your personality. As a step toward healing, it’s time to see yourself for all your positives and negatives.

Who are you, and what are your goals in life? Can you see any exaggeration in your self-perception? Sometimes, keeping a journal of your thoughts and events of the day can be quite revealing when you review them later. NPD can often camouflage low self-esteem, so work with your therapist to build self-esteem without crushing others’ esteem.

2. Try to Make Amends

If you are familiar with the 12-step program, you know that it involves recovery from various addictions, a mental illness branch itself. While NPD is not an addiction, you can still benefit from some of the steps, like making amends and taking inventory of your life.

People with an NPD diagnosis do not struggle alone. If you are recovering from narcissism, you could probably make a long, troubled list of people who you hurt through your actions. One of the hallmarks of narcissism is to put yourself above others and use whomever you can for your benefit.

Have the symptoms of your NPD hurt people in your personal and professional life? As you continue into therapy, consider listing these people and try your best to apologize and make amends. Although some of the past offenses may be too grievous to heal the relationships, at least you’ve owned up to your faults.

Asking for forgiveness is much more than saying you’re sorry. It tells the people that you’ve offended that not only are you confessing your wrongs, but you’re working not to repeat them. Then, the ball is in their court.

3. Learn to Be Considerate of Others

The more you practice empathy, the easier it will come to you. Learn to respect other people’s boundaries and treat them how you want them to reciprocate–and even better. Be considerate of your friends’ and family’s feelings and support them and listen to what they are saying.

recovering from narcissismFinal Thoughts on Recovering from Narcissism

When you realize that you’re not the only person in the universe, you open a new world of joy and healing. A narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health disorder that can usually be treated with support from the therapist and cooperation from you, the patient. It takes working on yourself every day, and others may see your true inner beauty shining.

10 Self Care Tips for Single Parents

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If you are one of the many single parents in this world, then more than likely you are not finding the time to take care of yourself the way that you need to. You will know that you lack in self care if you feel stressed, depressed, anxious, or moody.

Read further to gain useful insight into how you can easily take better care of yourself. This will help you feel better as well as ensure that your children feel secure, loved, and happy.

First and Foremost, Stay Positive

Naturally, we all get a little cynical when life seems rough, and single parents tend to feel the strain far more than others. However, you can quickly transform this way of thinking by opting to look for the positive in your life. As soon as you feel, negative thoughts arise, acknowledge them, but do not let them consume you. Once you begin to see what is initiating the negative thoughts, you can start to work to eliminate the problem.

Now that we’ve said that, let’s look at ways to improve single parents can enhance their self-care.

Self-Care Tips (and Gentle Reminders) for Single Parents

1 – Let Go of Your Fears

You can release fear by reminding yourself that you are a great parent. Practice positive affirmations and incorporate exercise into your daily life. These small changes will promote feel-good hormones such as adrenaline and endorphins, and you will find that you can sleep easier at night. Single parents often suffer from issues such as insomnia, and practicing better self care can help eliminate these disorders.

2 – Practice positive Affirmations

  • I am more than enough.
  • I’m loved by my children, family, and friends.
  • I live a life of kindness, and I care for others.
  • Life is full of amazing things, including me.
  • Today will be the best day I have ever had.
  • I am fearless.

It is important to remember that the way you speak to yourself affects the way that you feel. Therefore, remember to be kind to yourself as well as others. The more you practice being patient and loving with yourself, the more your attitude begins to change for the positive.

3 – Set realistic expectations

As a single parent, you have expectations for yourself, children, and other people. It may feel like your world is coming to an end when others do not meet your expectations. Try to stay calm when things are not working out and remember to breathe. You may want to consider meditating, doing yoga, or taking a walk to clear your mind.

It is always helpful to remember that there is a lesson to be learned from every event in your life. The way you handle the situation affects the way that you feel. Therefore, if you often fall apart during trouble, then take some time to relax and think about what is working. After all, the more you focus on the positive, the less the negative can affect you.

4- Face any emotional trauma

We have all felt the sting of letdown at some point in our lives, and this may leave emotional scars. Often you may not even be aware of what it is that triggers you to shut down. The next time you feel like your emotions are consuming you, take some time to reflect upon why you think this way.

If you avoid understanding what causes you to shut down, then you may find that you suffer even further. It is helpful to love and hug your children often and remember to laugh with them. They love you and look up to you, and how you handle a trying situation is how they, too, will learn to cope.

You can help them create healthy habits while healing from your own pain. This will allow them to be successful in life versus feeling unsure about the world around them. Remember to listen to them when they are trying to communicate with you, and always be honest with them. This will help them learn to trust others as well as communicate effectively.

5 – Share your thoughts in a journal

If you are in a rut that you can not get out of, then consider journaling your troubles away. This is not a quick fix, but rather, it is a method to help you release your feelings safely. You have the chance to say anything you want without backlash from others. You will also be able to look back upon your thoughts after the moment has passed.

When you look back on how you reacted and felt at a later date and time, you can gain clarity. You will be surprised at how much you can actually grow from understanding feelings of desperation or disappointment.

6 – Resolve relationship conflicts

If you are co-parenting with the other parent, then there is the chance that you face battle. You can begin to reduce these conflicts by attempting to compromise. Understandably this is not always an option, and it may require giving in a little more than you would genuinely like. However, it is pertinent that, at no point, your child bears the responsibility of passing messages between the two of you. The better you learn to handle conflict, the healthier you will feel about your situation.

Children have a way of reminding us that this form of self care is fundamental. They naturally want their parents to get along. So the best way to teach them how to resolve problems is to show them. Therefore, always put your best foot forward in life, and they will naturally follow.

7 – Don’t expect to be a perfect parent

Single parents often feel far more stressed than those in two-parent households. However, this does not mean that you are not a good parent. Just remember that children need boundaries, support, and affection. If you are suffering from depression or anxiety, then focus on your self-care to help change your attitude and mindset. After all, children are like sponges, and they are soaking up everything they watch you do–including being too harsh on yourself.

8 – Make time to do the things that you love

Single parents have a hard time making time for themselves. This is understandable. However, this can lead to depression and exhaustion. Therefore, find the time to tap into your creative side, explore your interests, and spend time with loved ones. This will allow you to live a life that is far more fulfilling. This form of self-care allows your children to feel secure in their pursuits of discovering and exploring their interests as well.

If you have always wanted to go camping, then plan a little trip with your children. Allow them to enjoy your interests with you, and you will find that they are excited about sharing theirs with you. Consider doing things that you have never thought of. For example, take a cooking class, indulge in painting or drawing, or join a dance or exercise class. These are all beneficial ways to reduce tension as well as promote feelings of accomplishment. You will find that the better you feel about yourself, the more enjoyable life becomes.

9 – Learn to manage your daily stress

Try not to let the weight of each day consume you and take a little time each day to clear your mind. You can do this while you are taking care of household chores, sitting in silence, or getting ready for bed. Do not try to do everything on your own, and allow your children to help you when needed. This will ensure that they are capable of taking care of themselves as they grow older.

Single parents often feel that they must do everything on their own. Try to consider the fact that teamwork is a far more effective approach to life. Consider taking turns having sleepovers for your children. You will see that incorporating self care is far easier when you allow yourself the chance to take a break.

10 – Network with other single parents

If you know other single parents in your area, then consider forming a support group. Take turns carpooling, helping one another, talking about problems, and making an occasional potluck dinner. You can easily plan meals that everyone can take part in creating, and everyone will enjoy the fact that there is an excellent meal on the table with minimal effort.

single parents need self care

Here are five signs you need self care in your life.

Bonus: Other ways single parents can indulge in self-care

  • Do not compete with other parents
  • Spend time with your children
  • Be patient with yourself
  • Allow yourself to feel sad if you are sad
  • Be your authentic self
  • Have fun
  • Soak in a warm bath
  • Dance
  • Exercise
  • Drink plenty of water
  • Create boundaries
  • Listen to advice from others, but don’t take everything to heart

self love and self careFinal Thoughts on Self Care Tips for Single Parents

Do not give up on your own goals and dreams, and remember to focus on the positive aspects of life versus the negative. Practice self care daily, and spoil yourself from time to time. After all, you are doing a great job, and a great job always deserves a reward. You do not have to splurge to show yourself appreciation, and sometimes just sitting down for a quiet moment is a reward in itself.

8 Reasons Why You Feel Anxious Around New People

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Many people experience some degree of anxiety around brand new people. It can be difficult to figure out what to say, how to hold yourself, and how to just act naturally. For some, the process of meeting new people comes easily, but not everyone is so lucky! Indeed, some feel anxious just at the thought of an introduction to someone new.

Anxiety in social situations is far from an unknown concept. Millions of people around the world experience similar sensations every single day. 15 million individuals in America have a social anxiety disorder, and it is the third most common form of mental illness in the country.

While many of the topics we’ll discuss today will have their roots in the psychology of social anxiety disorder, do note that you do not need to have the disorder to be anxious around new people. However, the causes behind these anxious emotions may be similar, on a milder side of the spectrum, to what contributes to the risk of development of social anxiety in general.

It is important to take note of these causes so you can either seek help for them or learn to overcome them yourself! Without further ado, here are some reasons why you feel anxious around new people.

8 Reasons Why You Feel Anxious Around New People

1.    Negative Self-Thought

Many people who experience anxiety around new people are mentally steeling themselves against perceived threats. For example, your thoughts may include:

  • I don’t think I’m going to fit in.
  • What if I embarrass myself?
  • People won’t like me.
  • I never know what to say.
  • I might say something dumb.
  • I’m going to make things awkward.
  • I don’t have anything interesting to offer.

These types of thoughts make you feel like you’re at risk. When you start taking them seriously, you develop a system of beliefs that are inherently either false or pessimistic. This leads to maladaptive behaviors, and you may want to avoid social situations in order to protect yourself from these risks.

2.    Genetics

Research has not yet revealed any sort of gene that determines your risk of social anxiety. However, there is a clear relationship between having socially anxious family members and developing these issues yourself. This indicates that there is some factor of heritability among those who have social anxiety.

Essentially, if your parents have anxiety about social situations, then there is a higher chance that you may develop it, too. This occurs no matter what environment you are raised in. It may be due to genetics or due to exposure to the idea of social fear in growing up. More studies are needed in order to draw definitive or positive conclusions.

3.    A Narrow View Of The World

Many people who experience social anxiety of some form do so because their worldview is narrow. You may even actively attempt to narrow it further in order to expose yourself to fewer risks, or simply because it is all too overwhelming for you. You may:

  • Narrow your friendship world by choosing to have very few or no friends, or avoiding the act of making new friends
  • Narrow your view of the outside world by electing to stay at home or rarely leaving your house, even when invited to
  • Inhibit your work world by choosing “safe” jobs that don’t come with any risk or hard work; you may choose “simple” jobs with no chance of performance-based promotions
  • Narrow your knowledge world by only doing things you are used to and never learning new skills

This narrowing helps you feel safe – but it’s sure to fill your life with regrets and make it more difficult for you to interact with people around you. You can no longer relate to them, and they’re outside of your narrow scope.

4.    Trauma

Plenty of research indicates that trauma is a common root cause for cases of social anxiety. Though people often belittle trauma and assume it can be overcome with positive thinking, that is simply not how it works, and trauma can affect the way your life is lived permanently if you’re not aware of managing or healing from it.

There are many different forms of trauma, but here are the kinds that may lead to social anxiety:

  • Moving around frequently during childhood
  • Growing up with overprotective or controlling parents
  • Domestic violence
  • Discrimination due to sexual orientation, gender identity, religion, race, or gender
  • Abuse in any form
  • The death or loss of a close family member or friend
  • Drug addiction or withdrawals
  • Parental divorce
  • Concerns regarding anxiety left unvalidated, dismissed, or ridiculed by parents
  • Social isolation in an excessive or extreme manner
  • Bullying
  • Being taught that social interactions are very dangerous
  • Experiences with mental illness

It’s also important to note that what you don’t view as traumatic today may have been extremely traumatic to a young child. Even so-called mild instances of trauma can cause social anxiety.

5.    Brain Structure

According to brain scans, people who experience social anxiety have clear signs in their brain structure that indicate this problem. This means that there is legitimate scientific proof that the anxiety isn’t all “fake” or “made up”.  Here are the areas that are different:

·         Amygdala

This part of the brain triggers the body’s natural flight-or-fight response through the use of physiological changes. In those with social anxiety, this part of the brain is hyperactive, meaning it sends the body into that panicked mode more easily.

·         Prefrontal Cortex

This part of the brain is meant to focus when you experience anxiety, allowing for rational processing that tells you that, logically, there is no threat. This can help you to calm down and diffuse the situation. Those with social anxiety have this reversed – the cortex amplifies the response to stress instead.

·         Neurotransmitter Deficiency

Neurotransmitters, commonly known as hormones, are responsible for a lot of our emotional experiences. Those with social anxiety have depleted positive hormones, such as glutamate, dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin.

6.    You’re With The Wrong People

The people you spend your time with can have a huge effect on your emotional state. They can make or break your day, which is why choosing the right crowd to hang out with and the right circles to grow your list of acquaintances is has such crucial value. Here are some examples of the wrong people to hang out with:

·         Those Who Don’t Respect Your Boundaries

If the crowd you hang out around doesn’t respect you and your boundaries, it’s easy to feel anxious. You know that chances are, any new people you meet with this group will wind up making you feel uncomfortable or upset. This threat isn’t just perceived – it’s real.

·         Those You Can Never Avoid

People who don’t take “no” for an answer, repeatedly try to get their way, and never give you enough space will make you anxious. These people may then introduce you to new acquaintances who behave similarly.

·         Those Who Pressure You

If you’re being pressured into social events that you aren’t comfortable with, it’s easy to see why you’d feel anxious. You don’t want to be here meeting all these people, after all!

·         Those Who Drain You Emotionally

Toxic people can drain your spirit, leading to a lack of energy to meet anyone new at all. Spending time with people who are so negative and all-consuming can lead to serious symptoms of depression and anxiety. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good, instead!

meet new people7.    Your Perception Of Your Life’s Timeline

How do you view your life? Do you cling to the past, fear for the future, and have trouble living in the moment? These can all be affecting your ability to socialize. Here’s how.

·         The Past

If you’ve had negative experiences with social interaction – and, let’s face it, who hasn’t? – you may feel especially anxious about trying to interact with others again. An inability to process and move on from previous interaction issues can cause you to experience social anxiety.

This is especially true if the negative event is the source of a lot of trauma or pain. The mere act of socializing can then become a trigger for the feelings associated with that event. If this sounds like something you are dealing with, you should seek professional aid in managing your triggers.

·         The Present

As previously mentioned, perceived threats in your present situation can cause you to be anxious. This is part of a vicious cycle; the anxiety depletes your energy and takes up your cognitive concentration, which causes you to do the things you were anxiously trying to avoid. This will then only serve to make you more anxious!

·         The Future

When you experience negative or hopeless thoughts about the future, such as believing that nothing will ever improve or change for the better, it’s difficult to want to meet new people. What’s the point when you feel like nothing is ever going to work?

Social anxiety is linked to higher risks of depression and depressive symptoms, too. So if your positive thinking has been down the drain lately and you’re anxious around new people, you may want to speak to a professional who can help.

8.    Technology

No one can deny the wonders of technology. But like with anything in life, it has its fair share of drawbacks. Here are the ways that technology can negatively affect your positive thinking around new people:

  • Everyone is posting the best images of their best selves with carefully-worded captions – a rehearsed snapshot of unattainable perfect
  • You spend an excessive amount of time interacting with technology instead of with real people
  • You become used to communicating with people online exclusively, leading to new awkwardness in person
  • Easy access to all forms of media has tainted your ideas or expectations of friendship or making acquaintances.

feeling anxious and meditatingFinal Thoughts On Reasons Why You Feel Anxious Around New People

You don’t have to have a social anxiety disorder to experience periods of social anxiety. Anxiety, in general, is a common human emotion, and it’s something that almost everyone will feel at least once in their lifetime, whether this anxiety centers around new people, social interaction, job-related stress, family pressure, or any other nerve-wracking endeavor.

Regardless of whether you have a social anxiety disorder or not, learning to manage these feelings is difficult, but possible. Understanding the triggers and root causes of your anxiety can help you work towards overcoming it. Without self-awareness of the sources of your complex emotions, you can’t resolve or process them.

If you believe you have a social anxiety disorder, speak to a mental health professional who can assist you. And, in addition, if your experiences of anxiety are something you want or need help changing, don’t be afraid to reach out to a therapist, counselor, or other workers in the field of mental wellbeing.

How To Release Emotional Attachment to Expectation

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We’ve all been in a situation where we’ve hoped for something only to have it fall through. It can be challenging to recover from such a painful blow, but it’s even more difficult if you feel a desperate emotional attachment to what you hoped would be. Your expectation–and confidence–feel crushed.

Sadly, it never pays to be too attached to something that hasn’t yet been guaranteed.

Here’s How To Release Emotional Attachments To Expectation

Breaking free from unreasonably expecting things is possible with time and effort. Here are some ways to release yourself.

emotional attachment

1.    Accept That You Don’t Know Everything

A considerable part of non-attachment is being okay with not knowing. Unfortunately, there’s no way to know about everything in life. You have to accept that you don’t have all the answers and that you can’t control anything in life.

When you get hung up on knowing everything, you obsess over the future and try to play complicated mental chess games to figure out what is most likely to happen. To some degree, it’s good to plan for strong possibilities, but always attempting to protect yourself against every possible outcome isn’t going to work.

The world is not black and white. The most unexpected things can happen. Sometimes, your best bet is to get your positive thinking going, take a deep breath, and go through with your plans with cautious hopes and realistic optimism. Hoping for the best and having confidence that you can weather any misfortune goes a long way.

2.    Stay Calm

Staying calm is a great way to remove emotional attachments. It shows that these events do not have control over you – you have control over you, and that’s that.

This doesn’t mean you can’t have emotional responses to certain situations. You’re allowed to react strongly to experiences and unexpected events, and it’s perfectly valid to feel that way. But you should also learn to remain calm in these situations to avoid doing things you regret. Here’s how to practice staying calm:

·         Count

Now, count to ten in your mind and focus on those numbers going up. You can also count down if that helps you. Give yourself those ten seconds to think, let go of the initial rush of emotion, and release the attachment to them.

·         Meditate

Daily meditation can have an overall positive effect on your patience and emotional control, mental health, and positive thinking. If you do this, you may be able to control your emotions and reactions in the moment better. Meditation apps are available to help in those situations.

·         Breathe

Feel the feelings riling too high up? Release your attachment to them by breathing. Take a deep breath in for eight counts, hold for four counts, and exhale for seven counts, then repeat. You can also practice on your own to see which counts work best for you.

·         Control

Again, you cannot control all events, but they don’t need to have control over you. Strengthening your grip over your mind and mental faculties can help provide you with better control over your emotions in the heat of the moment.

·         Walk Away

If you’re having trouble controlling yourself, request five or ten minutes to calm yourself down in a separate room. Removing yourself from a situation indicates that you aren’t attached to it in a big way.

3.    Don’t Consider Any One Thing The “True” One

When you’re excited about a new job, a new relationship, or a unique opportunity of any kind, try not to put so much stock on it that it becomes the “one.” Yes, it’s good to aim for what you want, but you risk idealizing it to the point where it feels like your only option.

When you elevate these kinds of dreams to such a high level, you wind up being completely crushed and demotivated when they fall through. These types of fantasies will ultimately only harm you in the long run. You need to maintain some degree of realism, even if your positive thinking is through the roof.

There is no such thing as a true “one” – only things are right for you at certain times in your life. If you don’t get something you want, it’s because it wasn’t what was meant for you at the time.

4.    Take Control Of Change

If you feel like your life is spiraling out of control, it’s hard to detach yourself from the emotional aspects of it. You likely feel this way because you can’t control some of the situations in your life.

There’s no quick fix to feeling like you have no control because the fact is that you often don’t. But there is a way you can work on emotional detachment. If a change is happening around you, take control of things you can change. For example:

  • Change how you react to situations
  • Redecorate your home; you don’t have to spend money, just move furniture around and reorganize
  • Get a new haircut, try a new hair dye, or try a unique fashion style
  • Declutter your old things; throw out what you no longer need
  • Try a new skill or hobby
  • Go out to meet new friends
  • Watch a new show or play a new game
  • Cook a different style of food
  • Eat somewhere you’ve never eaten before

expectation

5.    Do Not Berate The Part Of You That Is Attached

It’s easy to hate the parts of yourself that are emotionally attached, but you should be kind to those parts of you. Often, they’re much smaller parts than you think – they only feel big because you’ve devoted so much energy and time to them.

If it helps, you can try to think of these parts of you as separate entities. These parts are hurt and frightened. When you scold or are harsh on them, you’re just scaring them more, pushing them further into their terrified states.

You need to understand yourself and why you are emotionally attached. Then, gently teach those parts of you how to let go. Be firm but compassionate, and tend to those parts of your soul. You will find that a little love and care go a long way in helping the attached pieces.

6.    Shift Your Perspective

When emotions run high, and attachment is strong, it’s challenging to focus on anything else. That’s why taking the time to shift your perspective actively can help you see the bigger picture instead of getting hung up on, the smaller details.

Sometimes, things make it feel like the world is ending, but that’s because you’re seeing an up-close version of what is happening. Take a step back and zoom out. What’s happening around you? Is this worth losing your cool over?

Consider whether this issue will still be terrible a day, a week, a month, or a year from now. In most cases, the things that drive us insane don’t matter for more than a couple of days. Remember that the next time you feel like you may lose your temper! Some things just aren’t worth it, and if it doesn’t matter in the long run, why sweat it?

Plus, when you put it all into perspective, you’ll find many things worth being happy about. Research indicates that even trying to be happy can positively affect mental health!

7.    Be Grateful

This goes hand in hand with shifting your perspective, but on a much larger scale. Learn to be grateful for everything in life. When things go well, be thankful for all your success and good turns of events.

But what about when your expectations go wrong? You can still manage to be grateful. When things go sideways, be grateful that:

  • There are good things to learn from this situation
  • The situation is not as bad as it could be
  • You can learn from this and get better
  • You were able to find a silver lining

It’s a good idea to keep a gratitude journal where you list at least three things you feel grateful for per day. These things can be massive, such as earning a new promotion, resolving an argument, or winning a competition, but they can also be small. Here are some simple ideas of what to be thankful for:

  • Having a roof over your head
  • Access to food and water
  • Access to utilities like electricity, gas, and heating
  • The coffee you have in the morning
  • The clothes you have
  • The people in your life
  • A meal you enjoyed recently
  • Your good health
  • Your favorite songs, bands, or music
  • Your favorite movies or TV shows

This isn’t to become some consistently happy and excitable person – it’s to learn to appreciate the small things in life. Gratitude boosts positive thinking to the next level, completely changing how you think and behave.

When you have a mindset of gratitude all the time, it is easier for you to release emotional attachments that come from expectations because you’re always thankful for the situations at hand.

8.    Keep Your Options Open

Scarcity makes you attach a lot of hype and emotions to expectations. Just like making a particular option, the “one” is harmful to your positive thinking, a lack of options and a reluctance to maintain many options can also be unfortunate for you.

When you’re anxious about losing things like time, chances, or money, you can slip into an anxiety-ridden state where the feeling of scarcity controls you. As such, you should never narrow yourself down to the point where you have barely any options.

It’s always a good idea to have a Plan B, C, D, and so on. Having alternatives can prevent this overwhelming emotional attachment to your expectations. Here are some examples of how to avoid being cornered:

  • Apply for multiple jobs and envision having more than one good offer
  • Imagine three different dream houses
  • Organize three different paths to a particular goal; start by sticking to one, then if that fails, shift to another

emotional attachment to expectations causes worryFinal Thoughts on Releasing Emotional Attachments to Expectation

Expectations are everywhere in life, and they’re often unavoidable. It’s good to have some hopes for yourself. It keeps you motivated and working towards your goals. But having too strong an emotional attachment to those expectations can hurt you more than it helps. Learning to release those attachments will have a positive effect on you overall.

Therapists Explain 10 Ways To Make Parenting More Joyful

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Children are a true joy, and any parent knows that they are the light of their lives. That said, parenting has its fair share of ups and downs, and even the most dedicated parents can burn out now and then.

How can you make parenting better for everyone involved?

Here Is How Therapists Explain 10 Ways To Make Parenting More Joyful

1.    Don’t Try To Make Your Kids Mini-Yous

It’s cute to think of your kids as tinier versions of you. But that’s far from the case. Your children are unique individuals – they have their own dreams, personalities, likes, and dislikes.

But even when you don’t think you’re trying to raise someone who is basically a mini-you, you still may be doing so inadvertently. You may be using things that worked with you on them and expecting it to work just as well.

According to Access Counseling Group clinical director Irene Little, although your children may seem like they share many similarities to you, they don’t necessarily think in the same way or have the same reactions to things.

Basically, while they may pick up on many of the mannerisms you have, you shouldn’t automatically assume that the things that worked for you as a child will work for them. These things may include:

  • Methods of rule enforcement
  • Ways to calm them down
  • Methods of reward, motivation, or praise

2.    Understand That Kids Don’t Share Your Rationality

It’s not that children intentionally want to be irrational – it’s just that it’s all they can be. Sure, kids can be smart, but at a very young age, their capacity for reasoning isn’t quite the same as an adult’s.

Teenagers, too, can lack your methods of thinking, says Warrior Brain mental health therapist Carla Buck. Their brains are continuing to develop and may not be done growing until they turn 25.

By stressing out over the more emotional reactions of your kids and trying to change them, you are actively getting angry at them for now doing something that is just difficult for them to do. Calmly teaching alternative processing methods is preferable, and don’t expect them to pick up on them right away.

3.    Be Consistent

Consistency is the key to ensuring that your child learns lessons and follows rules. A lack of consistency can cause confusion, preventing a child from considering any positive lessons serious and permanent.

Hypocrisy is one of the many issues that psychologist Caroline Fleck notices in the parents she works with. This is a bit of a harsh term, but it’s an accurate one. You may unintentionally be hypocritical by:

  • Preventing your child from taking devices to the dinner table, but checking your own phone during meals
  • Saying they must always reply to you when you speak to them, but not replying to them every time they speak to you
  • Enforcing rules against junk food or snacking between meals, but still eating junk food whenever you want

It’s difficult, if not impossible, to never be a hypocrite, ever. But you need to be aware of the possible hypocrisy you are showing your child and how they may be reacting to it. Your child is going to model their behavior after you, so if you do something bad, they won’t understand why they can’t do it.

You should also work to make sure that you never allow bad or difficult behavior, says licensed psychologist Catherine Jackson. When you allow permissive parenting or turn the other cheek with certain types of bad behavior, you’re teaching your child that they can get away with them.

4.    Take The Time To Apologize

Many parents feel that they are entitled to making mistakes without consequence. Of course, no parent is perfect, but your authority over your child doesn’t give you the right to make errors and insist that those errors are ignored.

Fleck states that parents should be able to model good post-mistake behavior. Instead of making excuses or demanding that your mistakes be overlooked, you should apologize, teaching your children how to take responsibility in the process. You should also work to repair the damage done to teach your kids accountability.

You’re going to make mistakes when you parent, and you’re never going to be perfect. It doesn’t make you a bad person; it just makes you human.

5.    Don’t Neglect Self-Care

Parents often fall into the negative habit of caring for their children only and totally neglecting their own needs. While it’s respectable that parents can be so selfless in putting the needs of their kids first, this isn’t a permanently sustainable option. At some point, you will need a short break from the selflessness.

A lack of self-care, or essentially a lack of considering your own needs too, can lead to an increased risk of depression. Parental depression is associated with poorer relationships between parents and children, less positive parenting methods, and even a slow buildup of resentment.

Marriage and family therapist Vicki Botnick states that downtime is necessary for parenting. If you repeatedly show your children how stressed out you are and how your whole life involves constant business, they are likely to learn these unhealthy patterns from you. So, every once in a while:

  • Schedule a self-care day; leave your kids with a babysitter and be by yourself for a day!
  • Allow exceptions to rules on certain days, framing them as rare and special occasions
  • For older kids, you can talk to them about you taking a rest for the day and encourage them to be responsible

6.    Show Your Kids Your Hobbies

This goes along a similar vein to having self-care days, but with your kids involved! How sick and tired are you of the same children’s movies and TV shows? Are you bored of only doing children’s activities day in and day out?

Botnick recommends introducing your children to your own kid-friendly hobbies. That way, you can do things that you as an adult enjoy without neglecting your children or sacrificing time you spend with them. For example, you can supervise your kids while showing them the things you love doing, such as:

  • Baking, by involving them in the preparation process
  • Ice Skating, by getting them the right gear and bringing them to a rink
  • Painting, by encouraging them to paint with you
  • Biking, by getting them a child-friendly bicycle to use alongside you

There are many more examples of hobbies your kids can get involved in. Even if they don’t end up adopting the hobby themselves as they grow up, your passion for what you love is likely to encourage them to join you for now!

7.    Don’t Be Ruled By Your Baggage

Your personal experiences, unconscious motivations, and background in life can often be responsible for how you raise your own children. You may know that your kids have their own emotions, dreams, thoughts, and personalities but still forget not to impose your own on them.

According to psychologist Shuli Sandler, many parents often don’t consider the effects of their own lived experiences on their parenting methods. They may be heavily influenced by their desires, struggles, and own upbringing.

Leftover emotional baggage can also cause parents to feel like their children’s failures or bad behavior are a reflection of them, even though this is not true. This can make them react in a very extreme way to the many ways a child will make mistakes over the years. Your kids will be kids, and they will do things they shouldn’t sometimes – but that doesn’t make you a bad parent.

forgiving someone

8.    Don’t Use Fear Or Intimidation

If you want your children to learn to hide things from you, lie convincingly, and be too afraid to come to you in emergencies or during serious situations, then intimidate them. But if you want a healthy, trusting relationship with your child, you should throw fear tactics out the window, says licensed mental health counselor Marisa Hendrickson.

A child who is afraid of you doesn’t trust you. They live in fear of you and will likely not be able to speak to you about anything serious, increasing their chances of getting into trouble or bad situations due to a lack of education.

In addition to that, multiple studies over the years have shown that hitting or using severe punishments on children doesn’t help to change or improve behavior. Children and students learn better from positive reinforcement than any kind of negativity, and that’s a scientific fact.

This doesn’t mean you should never scold your children. It just means that using fear to get them to obey you isn’t the best parenting strategy, and it will impact their positive thinking.

9.    Don’t Put All Your Focus On School

Yes, studies are important, and academic progress will help your child’s future. But children actually learn more from the act of play than they do from sitting down in one place. Play is also crucial for positive development in kids, and neglecting playtimes to make your child read another revision textbook may do more harm than good.

Your child likely already spends many hours working in school every day, sitting down and learning in a way that is likely monotonous and static, and then they have to do homework at home. Making them do even more work can fill their entire day with what they consider boring.

In addition, a lot of achievements in life have little to no relation to school grades. If your child is doing their best and not flunking out, they can still advance through school years. Fleck recommends maintaining reasonable expectations from your children so that they have a good balance of work and play.

10. Don’t Lie About Promised Rewards

If you promise your child a reward for something, make sure you follow through. Changing your mind about, forgetting about, or dismissing requests for a reward you’ve said you’ll give your child will only make any future reward promises ineffective.

On top of that, this is a surefire way to confuse your child or make them ignore more of what you say because according to New Hope Parenting Solutions therapist Heather Ackley, it’s another form of inconsistency. Consequences, promises, and rewards should always be followed.

parenting tips

Learn the parenting behaviors that help you raise empathetic children.

Final Thoughts on Making Parenting a More Joyful Experience

A lot of positive thinking, dedication, and unconditional love is needed for effective parenting. But there’s a balance to be struck between authority and kindness, and finding that balance is the key to making parenting more joyful.

Science Reveals Startling Truth About Drinking Milk

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Most of us can recall the infamous milk commercials of the ‘90s. “Milk. It does a body good,” and “Got milk?” probably still rings a nostalgic bell for many.

What you may not understand yet is that the dairy industry, in cohort with the federal government, spent hundreds of millions of tax dollars on this marketing campaign. Oh, and your tax dollars covered most of the cost. Today, an estimated $4.5 billion of taxpayer money, our money, is subsidizing the dairy industry.

Meanwhile, we may have been forking over our hard-earned money on a product that does more harm than good.

“Milk, a rich source of calcium!” “Our kids need healthy bones!” and other (misleading) information proliferating from the dairy industry and federal government are idealistic at best, and outright deceitfulness at worst.

“A single glass of milk can contain a mixture of as many as 20 painkillers, antibiotics and growth hormones. Using a highly sensitive test, scientists found the chemicals in samples of cow, goat and human breast milk.” – Dr. Joseph Mercola

The Case Against Milk

While the dairy industry is all too eager to pontificate on the calcium and protein in milk (which is adequate), it fails to mention a few other essential things. For example, the 48% calories-to-fat ratio and 12 grams of sugar – all in just an 8-ounce serving of whole milk. The near absence of any essential vitamins has also “escaped” their attention.

In 1951, a Harvard University nutritionist by the name of Mark Hegsted set out to investigate the purported health benefits of milk. Born on a small farm in rural Idaho, Hegsted grew up learning about milk’s human benefits. However, soon after he began his research, Hegsted realized that milk was not a staple of most country’s diets. Still, these same people advanced well into old age. In fact, many countries Hegstead researched had much better health outcomes than the U.S.

Hegsted presented his research, which promisingly gained some traction in the years that followed. In 1978, Hegsted was appointed as the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) “administrator of human nutrition,” a position created by the U.S government for him.

Hegsted published guidelines that promoted “boosting consumption of vegetables and whole grains while moderating consumption of sugar and animal fats – including fats from dairy products.” The dairy industry, predictably, was none-too-pleased and pressured the USDA to reverse the guidelines.

Following Ronald Reagan’s election in 1981, Hegsted’s position was eliminated. Americans continued to consume milk in high quantities.

What the Science Says:

Dr. Walter Willet, chair of the Department of Nutrition at Harvard University’s T.H Chan School of Public Health states:

“Essentially, I think that adults do not need 1,200 mg of calcium a day. The World Health Organization’s recommendation of 500 mg is probably about right. The United Kingdom sets the goal at 700 mg, which is fine too. It allows for a little leeway.”

Adequate consumption of calcium is vital to human health. Of course, “Ca” helps develop and maintain bone strength, but it also aids the proper functioning of our skeletal muscles and organs. But why the excessive recommendations from the government? The most likely answer: money.

Multiple studies conducted over the past 20-plus years discredited various USDA and dairy industry claims regarding adequate milk and dairy consumption. Both parties have exacerbated milk’s effect on healthy bones, including in the prevention of various acute and chronic bone disorders, along with other injuries and illnesses. Perhaps more disturbing is their suppression of science that proves the potentially harmful effects of milk and dairy.

For example, some studies have linked milk consumption to higher rates of mortality. In a study published in the British Medical Journal, researchers conclude: “High milk intake was associated with higher mortality in one cohort of women and another cohort of men.”

(Anyone else thinking about Japan? A country with one of the world’s longest life expectancies – and a population that consumes virtually no dairy?)

How Unhealthy Is Milk?

First, it’s essential to understand that we are referring to pasteurized, adulterated milk and not raw milk. The latter’s a healthier alternative, which we will discuss in another article.

Consider some of the chemicals found from cow and goat milk; some of which are medications, and others are hormones and drugs:

  • Sex hormones (17-beta-estradiol)
  • Anti-fungal drugs (triclosan)
  • Steroid hormones (17-alpha-ethinylestradiol)
  • Anti-malaria drugs (pyrimethamine)
  • Anti-inflammatories (various)
  • Antibiotics (florfenicol)

Sex and steroid hormones? Medications? Drugs?

You probably didn’t plan to put that into your body when you ate that bowl of cereal or glass of 2%. Did you?And that’s not all.

Farms routinely inject cows with growth hormones.

If you’re even remotely aware of the controversy surrounding athletes and human growth hormones (HGH), you know that such actions are both unhealthy and highly unethical.

(Ironically, a Congressional panel intervened during the Major-League Baseball HGH scandal, chiding the organization via a 10-page letter their collective “disappointment and frustration” to then-commissioner Bud Selig.) Some food for thought.

No matter if the subject is human or bovine, growth hormones are harmful substances that alter complex biological mechanisms. One bovine growth hormone (BGH), rBGH, “can produce as much as 15-25 percent more milk.” Of course, this comes at the ultimate expense of your health.

Here are some other commonly used substances – and their (validated) ill effects on human health:

– IFG-1, a hormone “which promotes cancer tumors, (and) have been incriminated as major causes of breast, colon, and prostate cancers.”

– Somatic cell counts (SCC’s) are higher in hormone-treated cow milk. The milk is likely to contain pus and other bacterial traces, affecting the product’s taste, smell, texture, and color.

oat milk versus dairy milk

Scientists explain what happens when you replace dairy with oat milk.

Final Thoughts on Drinking Milk…or Not:

We all heard the slick advertising growing up, extolling the virtues of milk. As research unravels these misconceptions, make the decisions that make the most sense for you nutritionally. If drinking milk does not bother you, it does contain great amounts of calcium and is enriched with Vitamin D. However, if you have a dairy sensitivity, this research suggests a clue as to why.

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