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5 Behaviors That Reveal You’re Breaking Your Own Heart (And Don’t Know It)

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Human beings are complex creatures. Many people don’t realize that being broken hearted doesn’t only happen after the end of a relationship. In fact, other people don’t even have to be involved when a broken heart occurs. Breaking your own heart is entirely possible. We even do it without realizing that we are. The only way to stop yourself from breaking your own heart is to recognize the behaviors that you’re exhibiting. After coming to terms with heart-breaking behavior, anyone can get on the path to healing.

Here Are 5 Behaviors That Reveal You’re Breaking Your Own Heart (possibly without realizing it)

1. Checking up on your ex

There’s usually a reason that our ex-partners are no longer in our lives. If the relationship ended and you didn’t stay close friends, then there’s very little reason to continue to check up on your ex. This includes peeking at their social media, checking on their Instagram, or asking your mutual friends how they’re doing.

Sex and relationship expert, Dr. Megan Stubbs, EdD, ACS says, “You have to remove all traces of them because something as innocuous as seeing their name or a photo can trigger your brain into a wave of sad emotions.”

If you found out that an ex-partner was constantly checking up on you, how would you feel about the situation? Try looking at it from their point of view, too. Letting go of our ex-partners makes room for new love in our lives. Constantly checking up on your ex to see how they’re doing will only further break your heart.

letting go

2. Following friends that no longer play a role in your life

Just like ex-partners, old friends are out of our lives for a reason. Maybe you had a falling out, or maybe you realize that they weren’t being a good friend to you. Whatever the reason, it’s just as important to let go of old friends as it is to let go of old lovers. Sometimes, friendship can be just as important and life-altering as romantic relationships. Stop checking up on friends that are no longer in your life and thinking of all the ways that things could have been different. It’s important to look towards the future.

3. Thinking poorly of yourself

Breaking your own heart can be as easy as looking in the mirror and being cruel to yourself. If you ever found yourself looking in the mirror and thinking you’re not good enough, you’ve already begun to break your own heart. Low self-esteem is always hard to handle. However, giving into the need to be less than kind to yourself is one of the ways that you break your heart every day.

“Each and every person has worth, and is important, and learning to love yourself and the good things about you is one of the greatest things you can do,” says psychiatric intake clinician, Megan Hosking.

When you think of yourself, try to imagine yourself as someone else. That is to say, imagine you were talking to your loved one the way you speak to yourself. It will help you break out of the bad habit of thinking that you deserve anything less than kindness and love.

4. Not setting your boundaries

Are you one of those people who doesn’t ever seem to say “no”? Do you let people walk all over you in an effort to be the most helpful and accommodating person you can? While you may think you’re being kind, it’s actually a way that you’re breaking your own heart. The best way to keep your heart intact is to know what your boundaries are and exert them. Having boundaries and knowing when to say “no” is a virtue in and of itself. It will keep you safe and happy, and it will also stop you from breaking your own heart.

5. Being afraid to take a chance

If you’ve ever stopped yourself from asking someone out just because you think they’re going to say no, you’ve already begun to break your own heart. Being afraid of taking chances is what is going to stop you from experiencing life to the fullest. It’s also going to continually be what breaks your heart.

Take chances every once in a while, and you’ll be surprised by how many things actually go your way. Conquering that fear is the first step to healing an already broken heart. It’s also the first step to making sure that you don’t break your own heart all over again without realizing it.

Final thoughts

People break their own hearts every day without even noticing it. The best way to combat a self-broken heart is to remind yourself that you’re a person worthy of love. Stop checking up on people who have proven that they no longer care about you. Instead, focus on the people in your life that are there and who do care. Be kind to yourself, and make sure that you’re learning your boundaries. And most of all: don’t be afraid to take a chance in life.

“Stop thinking about everything so much, you’re breaking your own heart.” – Anonymous

https://youtu.be/apVYj7spM1I

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
References:
http://www.bravotv.com/blogs/you-need-to-stop-looking-at-your-exs-social-media
https://www.health24.com/Mental-Health/News/how-to-deal-with-the-crippling-effects-of-low-self-esteem-20160701

9 Behaviors People Who Grew Up In A Controlling Family Display In Their Adult Lives

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“By contrast, psychological control can limit a child’s independence and leave them less able to regulate their own behaviour.” – Dr. Mai Stafford

Sometimes, family can go from being present, to being too present. Trying to find the balance between allowing children to be independent and still looking out for their best interests can be hard. However, swinging too far in one direction can result in a controlling household.

Families and parents that try to control their child’s every move create adults who display maladaptive behaviors, simply because controlling behaviors “can limit a child’s independence and leave them less able to regulate their own behavior,” says Dr. Mai Stafford. Here are some of the most common adult behaviors of someone who grew up with a controlling family or parents.

Here Are 9 Behaviors of Someone Who Grew Up in A Controlling Family

1. Trouble with codependency

Adults who grew up with a controlling family will have trouble with being codependent on other people in their lives. Sometimes, those people can turn out to be close friends. But, most often, the new role of codependency falls on a romantic partner. Because of the controlling nature of the family, the adult who grew up in that family may start to seek someone to replace the codependency of their parents.

2. Perfectionist

Someone who grew up with a controlling family is much more likely to be a perfectionist. This perfectionism often stems from wanting to avoid getting in trouble, or to avoid criticism from within the family. As an adult, the perfectionism carries over to the rest of their everyday life. This perfectionism is often maladaptive and can cause issues in the adult’s workplace or relationships.

3. Trouble with self-doubt

A controlling family will often instill a sense of uncertainty in the child in order to more easily control what they do (or don’t do).

“Often the roots of low self- esteem lie deep in a wounded child within us who feels “not good enough.” As children we feel accepted only to the extent we feel unconditionally loved and supported by our parents,” says Dr. Sonera Jhaveri.

This uncertainty carries over into adulthood in the form of self-doubt. This means that someone who had a controlling family is more likely to seek out affirmations from their friends or romantic partners. They may have trouble doing normal day-to-day tasks without getting approval from someone else in their life.

repeating past

4. Feelings of intimidation

Around people with a controlling demeanor, someone who grew up with a controlling family will struggle with feelings of intimidation. This is usually left over from feeling intimidated or belittled from their own family as children. Adults who grew up with a controlling family aren’t able to process their emotions in a healthy manner, which may leave them struggling with feeling intimidated by people who have no ill-will towards them.

5. Inability to relax

Adults who grew up with a controlling family have a hard time relaxing. They often feel like they’re being watched or scrutinized. This stems from the controlling family during childhood, where the family would often exercise their need for control over the child’s need for privacy or autonomy. In adulthood, these people will still feel like they’re being watched, no matter how distant or far away from their family that they are.

6. Feelings of betrayal

If a child grew up being told that they should never, under any circumstances, get a tattoo, then as an adult, that person may struggle with feeling like they are betraying their family if they decide to get a tattoo. This could happen with any behavior that a person exhibits that had been deemed problematic or unacceptable by their controlling family. Adults with controlling families have trouble fully expressing themselves due to fear of disappointing or betraying their families.

7. Addictive personalities

When a child grows into an adult, they begin to exercise freedom from their once controlling family. For some people, this freedom can cause addictive personalities in the adult. For example, many adults who grew up in controlling families drink to excess the minute they legally can, because they’re now free of their parents control. Substance abuse is common among adults who grew up in controlling families for this reason.

8. Lying

Adults who had a controlling family growing up often default to lying, even if they don’t need to. They lie about little things – like what they had for lunch, or what they did over the weekend. The lies are not usually something large enough that they will get caught up in the lie. This is a leftover coping mechanism from childhood, in which the child would need to lie to their controlling family in order to avoid getting in trouble for expressing some autonomy over their own selves.

9. Trouble making decisions

A controlling family takes over the decision-making for the child. This results in the child never learning how to make decisions for themselves. When the child grows into adulthood, that inability to make decisions is still there. People who grew up in a controlling household seek input from the people around them before making decisions, or simply avoid making them at all.

Final thoughts

Adults who grew up with a controlling family may not realize that they’re exhibiting these behaviors until it gets pointed out to them. Like most maladaptive behaviors, there is hope to righting the issues that took place during childhood. Therapists and mental health experts have long been helping adults learn how to take control of their lives after having grown up with a controlling family or parental figure. There’s always hope, and there’s always help for adults who grew up with a controlling family.

https://youtu.be/EXElk0gq9Fk

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
References:
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/overly-controlling-parents-cause-their-children-lifelong-psychological-damage-says-study-10485172.html
https://www.healtheminds.com/articles/low-self-esteem-in-romantic-relationships/

6 Easy Ways to Reduce Stress Naturally

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There are plenty of reasons to be concerned about the direction the world is heading. And guess who the decks are stacked against? We’re pretty sure you can figure that one out.  Hardworking people who get up, go to work, and just want to live an ordinary and peaceful life are thrown into a vicious cycle of unrelenting turbulence and cynicism. World events affect our health, whether we realize it or not. More on this later.

We Have Enough to Worry About!

Do we really need another source of stress? None of us want to stress. Sometimes we need to deal with it to get along in life. But why are we asking for more? If you’re fortunate enough to have a steady income, the odds are that you stress too much about work – and probably about finances.

Maybe you or a family member has a disability. Maybe your savings are dwindling if you have any at all.

When one problem gets resolved, another always seems to pop up, doesn’t it?

Now ask yourself: “Do I really want to take on more stress? Why?”

Coping Tips

When the information we take in triggers a negative response, it has a very real impact on our health. Stress is stress; doesn’t matter if the source of stress is personal or not.

That said, let’s take a look at some ways to deal with stress caused by what you see, read, or hear.

6 Ways to Deal With Stress Naturally

1. Keep Your Mind On One Thing

Did you know that the average person has 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day? While we may take a bit of pride in this number – the brain is a remarkable organ – being mindful of what we think about is essential.

Focus on the task at hand. Discard the extraneous garbage that you don’t need. Including obnoxious new anchors and news hosts.

2. Do Things You Enjoy

At the risk of sounding incredibly cliché, life is too damn short! It can’t (and shouldn’t) be all serious, all of the time.

Getting out the rut that is negativity bias can be difficult, so make it (much) simpler by doing the things you “get lost in.” Maybe it’s painting, writing, computer games, meditation, or reading.

You’ll feel much more relaxed and rejuvenated.

3. Talk to People

Keeping with the “Life is too damn short!” theme, take the time to visit your family and friends. Share a good meal, go out together, or just sit around and talk.

Of course, try not to limit yourself to friends and family. If that’s all you can manage, fine; but there’s a whole world out there! Trying joining a group of some sort; one that stokes your passions and adds some much needed Joie de vivre.

stress

4. Stay Healthy

While most of us (including yours truly) enjoy the occasional grub/beer/wine-fest, make it a priority to stay healthy.

People have a propensity to over-complicate health. Don’t listen to the 8-pack abs infomercial. Here’s everything you need for basic health:

– Eat 3-5 healthy meals per day.

– Abstain or cut back on alcohol and nicotine.

– Get 30+ minutes of moderate exercise per day (break it up into chunks, if easier.) Make the exercise something fun!

– Drink at least six, eight-ounce glasses of water per day.

– Practice diaphragmic breathing or mindfulness meditation.

5. Limit Your News Exposure

In fact, try limiting your T.V. time, period. Television, while it’s relaxing for an hour or two here and there, is pretty much a waste of time and brainpower.

If nothing else, limit the time spent watching the news. Instead, try scanning the headlines on Google News, Reuters, or your local paper. Bypass the garbage and only read what you think is essential. (Like sports.)

6. Make A Difference

Gandhi famously said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Can you imagine the difference if everyone allocated just 10 percent of their time devoted to entertainment and “news” and did something to better humanity?

While we all want to make the world better, the uncomfortable truth is too many of us are spectators and not participants.

Make a personal pledge to help one person a day. How does this change the world? Via the “multiplier effect.”

See, when you help just one person, you aren’t just helping one person. You’re making it more likely that they’ll help someone, and that “someone” to help someone – and so on.

You’re being the change.

May you be happy and at peace this day and the next.

https://youtu.be/lFdcCXmGpy4

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
Sources:
http://bigthink.com/in-their-own-words/why-we-love-bad-news-understanding-negativity-bias
http://www.businessinsider.com/most-and-least-trusted-news-outlets-in-america-2017-3
http://mentalhealthrecovery.com/info-center/relieving-feelings-of-stress-caused-by-world-events/

Relationship Experts Reveal 7 Habits Strong Women Should Never Tolerate In A Relationship

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Do you envy strong women who don’t put up with a bunch of nonsense?

Women tolerate all kinds of things in a relationship. When women get together and talk about their past relationships, they’re often appalled by everything they put up with. Thankfully, relationship experts have been listening, and they’ve compiled a list of things that women should never tolerate in a relationship.

Some of these things seem so normalized that many strong women don’t realize that it’s something they don’t need to put up with.

Our title and today’s topic focuses on how today’s women handle relationship adversity. However, nobody should put up with people who disrespect or mistreat–men or women. So regardless of your gender, take note of these traits and expect the best for yourself!

Here Are 7 Things Strong Women Should Never Tolerate in A Relationship

“A strong woman is a woman determined to do something others are determined not to be done.” – Marge Piercy

Women who stand up for themselves will not put up with men who exhibit these behaviors.

1. No kitchen know-how

As charming as it might be to cook dinner for your partner every once in a while, not knowing how to cook isn’t an endearing trait. However, a strong woman should never put up with someone who can’t cook a meal or doesn’t know how to fend alone for a few days.

Women should be companions to their partners. In fact, they are not their partner’s mother. Not knowing how to cook is, indeed, a baseline for any adult. Otherwise, “This signals that he may not see you as an equal,” says Jennine Estes, M.F.T and author of Relationships In The Raw.

2. Not cleaning up after themselves

A woman in a relationship is not a maid or a housekeeper! If a man leaves his drawers all over the floor, his wet towel on the bathroom sink, and his socks outside the hamper, he’s not ready for an adult relationship. A strong woman should never have to tolerate picking up after a man every time she comes over. He needs to grow up if he can’t clean up after himself.

what ruins relationships

3. Lack of compromise

Rex Tillerson once said, “Compromise on ethical conduct is not an option.” A strong woman should always have a relationship in which compromise is the preferred form of ending disagreements. Indeed, no strong woman should ever tolerate being in a relationship with a man who doesn’t want to compromise. Compromise is one of the backbones of being in a serious relationship. So there’s no need to tolerate a relationship where one person doesn’t want to give and only wants to take.

4. Verbal abuse

Strong women may not realize they’re being abused in a relationship because the abuse might not be physical. Relationship experts agree that this is one of the top things that strong women should never tolerate in a relationship. Their partners should all be speaking to them with respect. Strong women should never accept being spoken down to, condescended, insulted, or verbally humiliated in their relationship.

5. Unsupportive of her goals

Being in a relationship is like having a built-in support system. According to research by Brigham Young University, “ambivalence in a relationship — the feeling that a partner may be unpredictable with his or her support or negativity — can take a quiet toll on the health of an individual.” A strong woman will have plenty of goals that she wants to achieve in her life.

A strong woman should have a partner who is supportive of those goals. If a man in a relationship is unsupportive of a strong woman’s goals, then that’s a red flag that the relationship will not work. Relationship experts agree that a strong woman should never tolerate an unsupportive partner.

6. A partner who doesn’t help with the children

Sometimes, a relationship gets to marriage and children before a strong woman realizes that she’s been tolerating unacceptable behavior. Strong women should never accept a man who doesn’t help out with the children. Parenthood should be a shared task among both partners, and a strong woman should never tolerate a man who doesn’t pull his share of the weight.

7. Untrustworthy

A strong woman should always be able to trust her partner. Relationships survive on trust and communication. No one should feel like they can’t trust the person they love. No female should never tolerate being in a relationship with someone who can’t be trusted. She should never have to endure a man who tells lies – about himself, or his life, or about what he’s doing or who he is with.

pop meme

Final thoughts on Strong Women and Relationships

There are so many things in a relationship that no one should tolerate. Many females may not realize that minor annoyances in their relationships are unacceptable. A strong woman should know all her boundaries, desires, and wants in a relationship. She should control her life, including who she chooses as a partner. Relationship experts have been researching the types of things that should never be tolerated in a relationship, and these are the top behaviors. Strong women should not tolerate their partners exhibiting these things in a relationship.

10 Behaviors That Reveal Someone Secretly Feels Trapped In Life

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Feeling trapped isn’t as uncommon as we like to believe. Some people feel trapped in a life that they didn’t want, and don’t know how they got to where they are. This could be someone who is feeling depressed, or someone who was pressured by a controlling family to conform in certain ways. However, there are some key behaviors that reveal that someone is trapped in a life they didn’t want.

Stanton Peele mentioned in his book ‘The Meaning Of Addiction’ that, “The difference between not being addicted and being addicted is the difference between seeing the world as your arena and seeing the world as your prison.”

Here Are 10 Behaviors That Reveal Someone Feels Trapped in Life

1. They don’t like their job

Everyone has worked a job they didn’t particularly enjoy. Usually, this phase of our life happens when we’re still in a transitionary period, between working a job and starting a career. However, one of the biggest signs that someone feels trapped is that they’re miserable in their career – even if it’s one they worked hard for to get a degree to enter into that career. It’s a sign that they’re living a life they didn’t want to live.

2. They’re withdrawn

Some people are just natural introverts. This usually means that they enjoy spending time by themselves, but still enjoy social gatherings. Someone who is withdrawn doesn’t WANT to spend all that time by themselves, but they often don’t see another option. Someone who is withdrawn is trying their best not to remind themselves of the life they’re currently living.

don't want

3. They don’t have a support system

People who feel trapped in their life tend to withdraw even from the people that can make their life a little more bearable. Someone who feels trapped won’t have a good connection with their friends or their family members. They tend to be alienated from all of the people that could offer them support.

4. They’re restless

Emotional restlessness tends to manifest itself in a physical form. Someone who can’t ever sit still, who constantly needs to be doing something new and exciting may be trying to forget that they’re feeling trapped. These people tend to never slow down, and always seem to have some kind of plan to keep them emotionally occupied.

5. They lie about their life

Sometimes, the only way for someone to escape the life that they don’t want is by lying about it. Usually, these people will lie to complete strangers. They will make up details about the life they wish they were living, rather than the life that they actually have. It may start small but can escalate to lying about their career, family, and relationships.

6. They’re depressed

Depression is common among people who feel trapped. They may be very good at hiding it, but knowing the signs of chronic depression will reveal it. Most people who are living a life they never saw for themselves experience some kind of depression. It may be mild, or it may be incredibly severe.

7. They have a substance abuse problem

Escapism is something that many people indulge in when they feel trapped in a life they don’t want. One of the most common forms of escapism is substance abuse. They will either have a drinking problem or abuse prescription or illegal drugs. Being high or drunk allows them to escape from the life they’re leading, even for a little while.

8. They can’t say “no”

People who feel trapped often showcase the inability to say “no”. Sometimes, it’s this inability that leads them to the life that they’re living now. They won’t be able to say no to their family, to their partner, to their friends, to their boss or to their coworkers. They tend to run themselves ragged trying to appease everyone who has ever asked them to do something.

9. They have low self-esteem

“Stop thinking in terms of limitations and start thinking in terms of possibilities.” – Terry Josephson

Feeling trapped in a life you didn’t want doesn’t bode well for your self-esteem. This is why people who feel trapped often exhibit low self-image. They don’t think highly of themselves. They also don’t believe that they “deserve” the kind of life that they want to life, which leaves them trapped in one they don’t.

10. They have commitment issues

Struggling with commitment isn’t unusual for people who feel trapped. They already feel trapped in their day-to-day life, so they try to exercise some form of control over their relationships. These people tend to have a string of short relationships. Their past partners would describe them as “commitment phobic”.

Final thoughts

Feeling trapped in a life you don’t want happens to people every day. Fortunately, it isn’t something that anyone has to deal with. Taking charge of life starts with deciding that something has to change. Once that decision is made, anyone who feels trapped can start turning their life around. Anyone who feels trapped in life can reach out to a therapist or life coach who can help them start to change things and make their life what they want to live. Taking charge is only steps away for anyone.

https://youtu.be/958oQqN-9DQ

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
References:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-second-noble-truth/201205/imprisoned-your-life
https://www.amazon.com/Meaning-Addiction-Unconventional-View/dp/0787943827

Scientists Explain How Many Hours of Sleep You Need, According to Your Age

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Getting adequate sleep can make all the difference between feeling great and feeling like you got hit by a truck. Unfortunately, many of us suffer from chronic sleep deprivation; in fact, 35% of us claim to get less than the recommended minimum of 7 hours of sleep per night. The problem is so severe that the Center for Disease Control (CDC) called our sleep habits a public health epidemic, and rightly so.

About 40 percent of adults have insomnia, according to the National Sleep Foundation. It’s no surprise, really, when you think about the chronic stress epidemic we’re facing as well. With so much responsibility weighing on our shoulders, allowing our minds to relax when we fall into bed at night doesn’t come so easily.

However, we can’t allow modern society to interrupt our precious sleep time. Whatever is going on in the world, we have to be able to shut it out for at least seven hours a night. Life goes on, and some things we just can’t control. We can control our sleep hygiene, however, so we will talk in this article about some tips to help you get better sleep. The first thing that comes to mind when talking about getting good sleep is simply to prioritize it! Make it important to you, and the rest will fall in line.

With this in mind, how much sleep do you need, exactly? Depending on your age, it will differ slightly.

HOW MUCH SLEEP DO YOU NEED ACCORDING TO YOUR AGE?

Obviously, young children and teens will require more sleep than grown adults; however, most adults definitely do not get the required amount of sleep. Here’s exactly how much sleep you should be getting according to your age group:

How-Much-Sleep

 As you can see from the data above, both young adults and adults need 7-9 hours of sleep per night. School age children need 9-11 hours, and teens require 8-10.

Because of the advent of smartphones and Netflix, we stay up far past our bedtime getting lost in social media and TV shows. We text, email, scroll, play games, and read statuses until we wonder where the time went. Meanwhile, the blue light emitted from our phone, computer, or other device tells our brain “Wake up! You don’t need sleep yet!” See how this is counterproductive? Below, we will discuss a few important sleep habits (including putting down the technology) so you can get the quality sleep you deserve.

SLEEP HABITS TO AVOID

1. Using technology close to bedtime.

Countless studies have shown that the bright lights emitted from devices can keep you up because it throws off your circadian rhythm and melatonin levels. The lights from technology literally tell your brain to wake up, not go to sleep. Think about it: out in nature, the sun would wake us up and tell our bodies to get moving. Now that we live in modern society, we use lights late into the night, and our brains don’t know the difference between natural and unnatural light sources.

The fix: Try to keep your room as dim as possible when it starts getting dark outside, and avoid tech a few hours before bed.

2. Drinking caffeine or alcohol too close to bed.

Caffeine may help you wake up in the morning, but drinking it too close to bedtime will keep you awake during the night, too. Alcohol is a depressant and can make you sleepy initially, but you won’t get a good night’s rest. Alcohol spikes your insulin levels as your body processes the sugar, which can lead to disturbed sleep.

The fix: Drink all caffeine and alcohol five to six hours before bedtime.

3. Thinking about everything.

Thinking too much usually leads to worrying and stressing, which will spike your cortisol levels and send adrenaline rushing through your body. Not the most relaxing activity before bed.

The fix: Relax. Unwind. Disconnect. Be in the moment. Take deep breaths. Do yoga, journal, or meditate before bed so that you can destress and truly prepare your mind and body for sleep.

4. Having an irregular sleep schedule.

Your body likes schedules, so when you don’t have a normal sleep pattern, your body gets confused. We used to go to bed as soon as the sun set and awaken as it rose, so now that we live farther from nature, our bodies haven’t adjusted very well.

The fix: Living in modern society doesn’t mean our daily habits have to suffer. Try to go to sleep and get up at the same time every day. Set alarms if you have to, and stick to them. Don’t stay up too late on weekends, or it will throw your sleep schedule off even more.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

5 Habits That Help You Find Out Your True Personality

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“He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.”  – Lao Tzu

In our constantly changing world, we often lose sight of ourselves behind the wave of responsibilities, errands, and pressure put upon us. “I don’t have time to ‘find myself’; I’m busy just trying to survive!” You might find yourself saying this when you think about feeling lost, and you might just chalk it up as a normal feeling in today’s society.

However, finding our true selves can help us prosper in life, because having a clear vision of ourselves allows us to line up goals, desires, and even the right relationships for us. Get in touch with your personality type to discover more.

If you’ve been feeling disconnected from yourself lately and want to figure out how to pull yourself from the trenches, read on for some helpful tips.

Here are 5 ways to find yourself when you feel lost:

1. Write down your interests and goals.

You don’t have to think years in advance on this one, just a few weeks or months ahead. What do you like to do? What do you want to accomplish within the interests you pursue? For example, you might enjoy mountain biking in your free time. Why not sign up for a race or join a local group that you can bike with? Part of knowing ourselves is learning our likes and dislikes, and having the courage and willpower to pursue our interests, even if they put us outside of our comfort zone.

After all, we cannot grow unless we push ourselves to become better than we ever imagined, and one way of doing that is to do what we love and never stop trying to improve!

2. Do something you’ve always been afraid of.

This might seem counterintuitive, but doing something that makes you scared will help you push past your comfort zone and learn what you’re really made of. We often put self-imposed limits on ourselves and say things like “I could never do that” or “That seems too hard/scary/impossible.” Few things in life are truly impossible; it’s just that we decide to avoid challenges before we even try!

Attempting to do something that scares you, even if you fail, will help you to overcome those limits and eliminate some of the fears that hold you back in life.

3. Follow your dreams every single day.

The only people who don’t accomplish their dreams are those who give up. The real secret to following your dreams is perseverance, because the road ahead will inevitably have challenges, but you have to make a commitment to sticking with it even when you feel like quitting. You might have to come home from work and set aside a few hours a day to work on your goals. However, once you finally do achieve what you set out to do, you’ll feel absolutely unstoppable.

You’ll realize that reality comes from our own minds, where we create what we see and turn it into something tangible. Therefore, you have the power to shape reality based on how hard you’re willing to work to turn those rocks into diamonds.

find yourself

4. Spend time alone.

You can’t find yourself if you never learn to enjoy your own company. Go on a solo roadtrip, or even a backpacking trip across several countries. Meditate and learn to love the sound of silence, where you can find all the answers you’ve been seeking. To truly know and understand ourselves, we must go deep into our hearts, and only there will we find the real us that we’ve buried under years of cultural conditioning and perceived limits. Learn to trust your own intuition and the inner voice guiding you, because that will take you farther than anyone’s advice or counseling.

5. Forget what other people think.

Remember that “a lion doesn’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep,” so don’t let what other people think stop you from being you. Most people are far too preoccupied with their own lives to even notice what moves you’re making anyway, and even if they pay attention, the only person’s opinion you should be concerned with is your own. As long as you’re happy with where you’re going and the person you’re becoming, nothing else matters. People can hate on you all they want, but realize that they probably don’t like themselves either. People project what they feel within, which is why you should just do what you want and put all the chatter from others aside.

You might feel as though you’re in a losing battle when it comes to finding yourself, but don’t get discouraged. Though we live in confusing times where most of us struggle with our identity, just remember that ultimately, you don’t have to put yourself in a box. Labeling yourself only limits yourself, so as long as you feel content with who you are and where you’re going, that’s all that matters.

https://youtu.be/YHAZ6q-WbnE

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
Sources:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/lamisha-serfwalls/7-tips-to-find-yourself-when-youre-feeling-lost_b_7514516.html
https://thoughtcatalog.com/ali-nicole/2016/12/20-things-you-need-to-do-to-find-yourself/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/changepower/201603/know-yourself-6-specific-ways-know-who-you-are
https://www.powerofpositivity.com/5-ways-to-find-yourself-when-you-feel-lost/

5 Habits That Keep An Introvert Feeling Balanced

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As introverts, we know all too well the daily struggle of having to force ourselves out of bed to get to work, school, or other obligations when we really just don’t feel like dealing with people. Sure, if we had to see people once or twice a week, we would probably have more energy to socialize, but doing it every single day takes a toll on us. Introverts derive their energy from within, so it only makes sense that dealing with so much external stimuli would burden our already sensitive nerves.

According to research, introverts make up 16-50% of the population. This means that us introverts have to figure out a way to fit into an overly extroverted world, which can get utterly exhausting. So exhausting, in fact, that it can lead to something called introvert burnout, which is exactly how it sounds – basically a nervous breakdown in the world of introverts.

However, we all must live in this world and cope somehow, so how can introverts deal with living in a fast-paced, noisy, talkative world without going completely crazy? We have a few tips that you might find useful below.

HERE ARE SOME TIPS FOR INTROVERTS DEALING WITH BURNOUT:

introvert burnout

1. Schedule some alone time each day.

Don’t feel selfish for taking time to yourself. Everyone, including extroverts, needs some solitude in order to recharge their batteries. However, introverts need significantly more time to themselves since they draw energy from within themselves rather than from social experiences. If you work a normal job, ask your boss if you could possibly take a couple extra 5-10 minute breaks each day to go outside and get some fresh air. You might have to stay a bit longer at work, but it’s worth it if you can get some extra time to recharge.

When you get home from work, try to schedule a little time to meditate, write, draw, or go on a short nature walk. You’ll feel much better if you can work some alone time into each day.

2. Don’t go to events that you know will make you miserable.

This doesn’t mean you can avoid every get-together, like your aunt’s birthday or your cousin’s wedding, but try not to attend too many events that you know will trigger you. Do things you actually enjoy with people who “get” your personality and needs, and try not to overschedule yourself. Even small get-togethers can make introverts tired if they attend them too often.

Also, if you must go to an event where you know a lot of people will show up, make sure you plan beforehand accordingly. Don’t schedule anything a few days or even a week leading up to the event so that you have plenty of alone time to recharge and prepare yourself. When the day comes for the gathering, leave a little early if you must.

3. Practice a calming routine at parties or events.

When you do go out, make sure you have a self-soothing routine to fall back on. Whether that means reciting a mantra to calm your nerves, meditating outside for a few minutes, or even escaping to the virtual world on your phone for a bit, do whatever works for you. You don’t have to talk to people every second of the get-together; make sure you recharge your batteries as often as needed so that talking to people won’t seem so exhausting.

4. Live a lifestyle that supports your personality.

In other words, don’t take a job as a salesman/woman if you know you hate talking to people. Don’t sign up for too many clubs and activities that you know you won’t go to half the time. Don’t hang out with people who drain your energy and make you miserable. Live a life that YOU love and enjoy, and don’t apologize for living differently than others because of who you are.

5. Embrace your introverted nature.

Introverts have had to deal with stigmas for decades, and some people have even been referred to therapy for simply not liking to talk as much as others! The world may not understand you, but you shouldn’t let that bother you. Remember that introverts just like you have to deal with the challenges that modern living presents, so you don’t have to feel alone. Love yourself as you are, and learn to stop apologizing to others for your personality or feeling like you have to live up to others’ expectations. The only person you need to please is yourself, period.

Being an introvert in an extroverted world can feel quite draining and miserable at times, but it doesn’t have to feel that way. If you use these coping techniques and learn to embrace the introvert within, it will get a lot easier to deal with society. There’s nothing wrong with you for simply wanting some more quiet time than society deems acceptable, and not wanting to socialize every second of every day. We do live in a very social world, but the world could certainly use a lot less noise and chaos, anyhow.

So, with these tips, we hope that you can avoid introvert burnout and get back to living a happy, peaceful life. 🙂

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thrive/201205/are-extroverts-happier-introverts
https://introvertdear.com/news/yes-there-is-such-a-thing-as-an-introvert-hangover/
http://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/better-life/introvert-burnout

Scientists Explain What Happens to Your Body When You Don’t Let Go of Negative Feelings

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Remember, you don’t forgive someone for his or her sake – you forgive them for your sake. ~ Stephanie A. Sarkis, Ph.D.

A Lesson from Friedrich Nietzsche

The German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once likened forgiveness to weakness. Insisting that “God is dead” and that we are all sheep-slaves, it’s quite clear that Friedrich was a ‘tad’ more cynical than is considered healthy (a typical demeanor of philosopher-scholars.)

Had the great German philosopher understood the effects of stress on the body and mind, the end of his life may have come under slightly more favorable conditions. Nietzsche’s relentless pessimism, obsessive pursuit of “truth and inquiry,” and tireless work habits almost certainly contributed to his most unfortunate demise.

Mr. Nietzsche eventually suffered a complete mental breakdown and loss of all cognitive faculties at the age of 44. He then spent the rest of his life in a near-catatonic state in the care of his mother before dying of syphilis.

Like many others, past, present, and future, Friedrich Nietzsche was chronically stressed out. His inner and outer lives were turbulent, and he was always fighting his own demons, not to mention the expectations of his uber-religious and demanding mother.

Why Holding Onto Negative Feelings Is Really Bad

Why do we hold onto feelings like anger, anxiety, callousness, frustration, irritability, malice, rage, and resentment? Usually, something unfortunate occurs, and we delay forgiving ourselves or someone else – sometimes for life. While allowing a bit of bitterness to brew under the surface may not seem all that bad, it’s toxic to our physical and mental health.

To illustrate this point, let’s consider the effects of stressful events in early childhood – a time in one’s life that is supposed to be carefree and joyful. In an article titled “Early Childhood Stress Can Have a Lingering Effect on Your Health,” Dr. Joseph Mercola writes:

A study revealed impaired immune function in adolescents who experienced either physical abuse or time in an orphanage as youngsters. Even though their environments had changed, physiologically, they were still responding to stress. How the immune system develops is very much influenced by the environment.

The notable words within the above passage are: ‘physiologically; they were still responding to stress.’ As in, there is no longer a threat, but the body is still reacting as if there is. Both medical experts and laymen refer to this as being “wired for stress,” and this wiring kills people.

be happy

Dr. Mercola is referring to trauma – the end-result of prolonged exposure to stress. Mercola goes on to explain that childhood trauma causes lasting physical changes in the developing brain.

To be clear, environmental stimuli are (typically) more impactful for a child than an adult. However, this is not always the case, as combat veterans and other adult victims of trauma diagnosed with PTSD show.

In short: although the nervous system and immune system development slow as we age, changes do occur throughout life. Holding onto feelings that bother us – which our body perceives as nothing more than chronic stress – can lead to mild to severe physical and mental health conditions.

The Effects of Chronic Resentment

Chronic resentment, which is another way of saying chronic stress, can kill you. Consider that over 90 percent of all doctor visits are for stress-related health complaints.

Per the American Psychological Association (APA), “Chronic stress, or a constant stress experienced over a prolonged period of time, can contribute to long-term problems for the heart and blood vessels. The consistent and ongoing increase in heart rate, and the elevated stress hormones, (and elevated blood pressure)can take a toll on the body.”

WebMD lists the symptoms of long-term stress as follows:

– aches, pains, and tense muscles
– anxiety and depression
– chest pain and rapid heartbeat
– frequent colds and infections
– headaches
– insomnia
– loss of sexual desire and/or ability
– low energy
– upset stomach (constipation, diarrhea, and nausea)

Neurologically, long-term resentment can lead to a decrease in the production of new brain cells. Emotionally, the individual will likely become more emotional and forgetful.

While we may tend to ignore the physical signs of resentment, according to the late neuropharmacologist Candace Pert, “the body is your subconscious mind. Our physical body can be changed by the feelings we experience.”

Learning to Forgive

Self-forgiveness is essential for self-healing. ~ Unknown

If you are harboring feelings of anger and resentment, it is crucial to understand that your subconscious mind is in a state of continuous (perhaps low-level) stress. This “background stress” can take its toll on your body and mind.

With that said, it’s enormously beneficial to practice forgiveness. Remember, forgiveness implies that you’re making peace with the pain and trying to let it go – it is something that you do for yourself.

To begin the process of forgiveness, first find a peaceful place that allows you to be alone with your thoughts. Then, try the following four steps:

1. Recall the incident. The first step is about acceptance; accepting that it happened; accepting how you felt and still feel about it, and how you reacted.

2. Acknowledge lessons learned. The second step involves bringing to mind how the event affects you. It’s likely that you’ve experienced a bit of growth or learned some valuable lesson about yourself and others.

3. Decide to forgive. Think about the other person involved. While it may be hard, remembering that all of us are flawed and have weaknesses may help alleviate some of the negative emotions you’re experiencing.

Finally, say “I forgive you,” either to the other person or yourself. You may feel that explaining why you forgive them – and that’s completely okay, even healthy!

We part ways with one final quote, courtesy of Louis B. Smedes:

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

https://youtu.be/FWMSYeRHWU4

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
Sources:
https://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2009/02/21/early-childhood-stress-can-have-a-lingering-eff
https://bebrainfit.com/effects-chronic-stress-brain/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201409/how-do-you-forgive-even-when-it-feels-impossible-part-1
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201102/30-quotes-forgiveness
https://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/stress-symptoms-effects_of-stress-on-the-body
https://www.webmd.com/depression/news/20000225/holding-a-grudge-can-be-bad-for-your-health#1
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