Are you a controlling person? You should know folks don’t like to be manipulated by a control freak. When a person must always be in command, it can be due to a manipulative and toxic personality flaw.
People don’t like to be around manipulative people, so they will do anything they can to keep their distance. Do you tend to control a situation, then it might be time for you to consider a change of pace? If you continue with these behavioral issues, you will alienate your partner, friends, and loved ones.
Did you know that being a controlling person can have some serious issues that lie below the surface? The first step in getting help is admitting that you have a problem and want to change.
Fifteen Tips to Help You Break the Habit of Being a Controlling Person
Here are 15 ways that you can stop being so overbearing and have more meaningful interactions with others.
You didn’t wake up one morning and decide to be controlling. Some things happened in your life that made you this way. Typically, someone who needs to be in control of a situation is an individual that has suffered from traumatic experiences in life.
Before you can make any changes to your behaviors, you need to uncover the reasons why you’re so insistent on controlling everyone and everything around you. You might even learn somethings about yourself that you didn’t know.
2. Learn to Trust the Decisions of Others
Part of the reason why you are a controlling person is that you don’t trust others. This can be a real bone of contention when you have a spouse and a lack of trust between the two of you. Start slowly by giving your spouse control over a situation; then, you will see that you can trust them and move onward from there.
3. Walk-in Another Person’s Shoes
One way to stop your toxic behaviors is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. How would you react to a person like yourself in life? Would you want to run and hide, or would you welcome them?
Chances are, you will see how challenging it is to be around a controlling individual, and it will drive you to work on your issues.
4. Acknowledge You Cannot Control Everything
No matter how hard you try, there is no way that you can control everything. Even if you try to manipulate people, they will turn away from you. Once you realize you have a problem, you must recognize how outlandish your thought processes to fix it.
5. Respect the Differences in Others
Wouldn’t the world be a boring place if everyone were just like you? You don’t want everyone to be the same as variety is the spice of life.
It would help if you learned to respect that there are different people with opposing views and personalities. Embrace the change because it allows for some great relationships in life.
6. Never Threaten Others
One of the ways that a controlling person manipulates others is by using threats. You may tell your spouse that if they don’t buy the new house or car that you want that you’re leaving them. Most of the time, these threats don’t mean anything, so you are just using them as a tactic to get what you want.
However, eventually, your veiled threats will wear the other person down. They may reach their breaking point and call you on your bluff.
7. Stop Being So Hard on Yourself
Are you the parent who starts to help your child with their homework to end up doing the whole paper? Did you do it because you didn’t think your child was good enough? No!
The reason you did it is that you’re afraid your child won’t get a good grade, and it will look bad on your parenting. Give yourself a break and stop being so hard on yourself. It’s okay if you’re not perfect in every way.
Do you tend to push your way into situations because you’re afraid of being left out? It’s not uncommon for the controlling person to invite themselves to events and try to get a foot in the door. The real fear is that you don’t want to be on the outside looking in.
However, you can’t be invited to every event and party in life. You must realize that sometimes people need space and time to be alone, even your children. If you continue to push yourself into situations where you’re not wanted, then you may find that people must become frank to put you in your place.
9. Learn to Be More Patient and Understanding
Patience is hard to grasp, but if you want people to be patient and understand with you, you must give the same courtesy in return. Don’t expect everyone to be perfect, as you must realize that humans are fallible. If you want to stop being a controlling person, then you must learn how to be patient.
10. Fight Your Inner Insecurities
There’s a little bit of an insecure nature in everyone. However, for the controlling person, they find that the insecurities are much more significant. While you may come across as manipulative and controlling, it’s your inner insecurities that are shining through.
It would be best to fight these demons that haunt you to find any peace in your life. Set small goals each day to work on dealing with this insecure nature.
11. Learn Coping Techniques for Your Anxiety
Since most controlling people have anxiety issues, it’s only wise to learn effective methods to manage them. When you feel your anxiety rises to a dangerous level, you need to engage in some of these methods. Some of the best ways to control your angst are meditation, rhythmic breathing, taping, exercise, and facing your fears head-on.
12. Stop Using Control-Oriented Language
It’s time to clean up your vocabulary. It would help if you erased words that make others feel uncomfortable or even threatened. What common words do you use that make others bow to your commands?
You will find that you will become more endearing to others by ridding these words from your speech. Plus, you should never use sayings like, “you will or else.” Who wants to be friends or lovers with someone who talks to them in that manner? Clean up your language if you’re going to be friendly and have a close inner circle.
13. Avoid the Paranoia
Did you know that many controlling people struggle with an underlying paranoia and anxiety issue? There’s a good chance that the only reason you are utilizing these manipulative behaviors is that you are scared inside.
For instance, how many times have you seen the bride’s mother overstep her bounds because she is afraid she will be left out on her daughter’s big day? It’s a deep-rooted fear that is making you seem selfish.
14. Take Care of Your Psychological Health
At the controlling person’s crux is anxiety, depression, a mood disorder, or another psychological disturbance. It will help if you put effort into making yourself mentally healthy. You can do many things to improve your mental well-being, such as journaling, practicing mindfulness, meditation, yoga, and using herbal supplements.
15. Reach Out for Help
Did you know that you’re not the only person who uses control tactics to hide their inner issues? Thankfully, therapists are well trained to help you get over these insecurities to have a good life surrounded by friends and loved ones.
If you have a partner, why not bring them along in therapy to help you understand where improvements must be made? The sooner you start working on the key issues, the quicker you can fix some of these problems.
The controlling person is acting out because they have inner hurts that are so deep that they shield others from knowing. For instance, an overweight person in school and was often picked last might have lingering mental anguish from these events. So, as an adult, they want to make sure that they’re included in everything, whether people want them there or not.
It’s not that they want to attend every party or event, but they want to protect themselves from feeling that horrible sting of rejection yet again. What is the driving force behind your controlling nature? Has it developed into a mental health disorder that needs to be addressed?
Getting outside help is a great place to start. There are online support groups as well as therapists who specialize in those who have anxiety disorders. If you have something along the lines of a narcissistic personality disorder, then there are ways to fix those things too.
Whatever you do, don’t let things continue the current path, or you will alienate those around you. You can address the things that cause you to be controlling and move on past the traumatic events.