Human beings are complex creatures. Many people don’t realize that being broken hearted doesn’t only happen after the end of a relationship. In fact, other people don’t even have to be involved when a broken heart occurs. Breaking your own heart is entirely possible. We even do it without realizing that we are. The only way to stop yourself from breaking your own heart is to recognize the behaviors that you’re exhibiting. After coming to terms with heart-breaking behavior, anyone can get on the path to healing.

Here Are 5 Behaviors That Reveal You’re Breaking Your Own Heart (possibly without realizing it)

1. Checking up on your ex

There’s usually a reason that our ex-partners are no longer in our lives. If the relationship ended and you didn’t stay close friends, then there’s very little reason to continue to check up on your ex. This includes peeking at their social media, checking on their Instagram, or asking your mutual friends how they’re doing.

Sex and relationship expert, Dr. Megan Stubbs, EdD, ACS says, “You have to remove all traces of them because something as innocuous as seeing their name or a photo can trigger your brain into a wave of sad emotions.

If you found out that an ex-partner was constantly checking up on you, how would you feel about the situation? Try looking at it from their point of view, too. Letting go of our ex-partners makes room for new love in our lives. Constantly checking up on your ex to see how they’re doing will only further break your heart.

letting go

2. Following friends that no longer play a role in your life

Just like ex-partners, old friends are out of our lives for a reason. Maybe you had a falling out, or maybe you realize that they weren’t being a good friend to you. Whatever the reason, it’s just as important to let go of old friends as it is to let go of old lovers. Sometimes, friendship can be just as important and life-altering as romantic relationships. Stop checking up on friends that are no longer in your life and thinking of all the ways that things could have been different. It’s important to look towards the future.

3. Thinking poorly of yourself

Breaking your own heart can be as easy as looking in the mirror and being cruel to yourself. If you ever found yourself looking in the mirror and thinking you’re not good enough, you’ve already begun to break your own heart. Low self-esteem is always hard to handle. However, giving into the need to be less than kind to yourself is one of the ways that you break your heart every day.

Each and every person has worth, and is important, and learning to love yourself and the good things about you is one of the greatest things you can do,” says psychiatric intake clinician, Megan Hosking.

When you think of yourself, try to imagine yourself as someone else. That is to say, imagine you were talking to your loved one the way you speak to yourself. It will help you break out of the bad habit of thinking that you deserve anything less than kindness and love.

4. Not setting your boundaries

Are you one of those people who doesn’t ever seem to say “no”? Do you let people walk all over you in an effort to be the most helpful and accommodating person you can? While you may think you’re being kind, it’s actually a way that you’re breaking your own heart. The best way to keep your heart intact is to know what your boundaries are and exert them. Having boundaries and knowing when to say “no” is a virtue in and of itself. It will keep you safe and happy, and it will also stop you from breaking your own heart.

5. Being afraid to take a chance

If you’ve ever stopped yourself from asking someone out just because you think they’re going to say no, you’ve already begun to break your own heart. Being afraid of taking chances is what is going to stop you from experiencing life to the fullest. It’s also going to continually be what breaks your heart.

Take chances every once in a while, and you’ll be surprised by how many things actually go your way. Conquering that fear is the first step to healing an already broken heart. It’s also the first step to making sure that you don’t break your own heart all over again without realizing it.

Final thoughts

People break their own hearts every day without even noticing it. The best way to combat a self-broken heart is to remind yourself that you’re a person worthy of love. Stop checking up on people who have proven that they no longer care about you. Instead, focus on the people in your life that are there and who do care. Be kind to yourself, and make sure that you’re learning your boundaries. And most of all: don’t be afraid to take a chance in life.

“Stop thinking about everything so much, you’re breaking your own heart.” – Anonymous

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