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4 Things to Let Go for a Purposeful Life

November 26, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Emotional baggage is a term used to describe a phenomenon whereby one carries past trauma, negative experiences, and feelings through their life. This can negatively affect you as you move through careers, relationships, and general life decisions. It’s like a plague of “trapped” feelings that always seem to weigh you down. So you must let go to lead a purposeful life.

This is a result of unprocessed emotions that get stuck in your brain. If you’ve never dealt with those feelings, they have no way of getting resolved. Worse still, they’ll go on to dictate your behavior, health, resilience, self-esteem, and everything else! That’s just how it is with traumatic stress – it stays with you, and it plagues and clouds everything you do.

To an extent, emotional baggage is a protective mechanism. The human brain naturally wants to learn from its past experiences and apply that knowledge as you live on. This is healthy in some measure, but human development requires further reflection. Learning to consider, process, and manage perceptions allows you to strengthen yourself instead of being weighed down by your trauma and pain.

It’s hard to find fulfillment when you’re living in the past due to emotional baggage. People often believe that they can ignore baggage to make it go away, but it has to be willingly unpacked. It can rob your life of meaning and leave you with so many regrets if not dealt with. Here are four ways emotional baggage can prevent you from living a purposeful life.

1. Denial Prevents You From Having a Purposeful Life

Lots of people are in denial about their emotional baggage. It’s hard to face the realities of those backpacks and what’s in them. This is especially true when that baggage involves severely traumatic situations.

It’s reasonable to be afraid of revisiting the negative roots of your trauma, but this holds you back. This is especially true if you’re trying to live a purposeful life. You need to confront reality if you want to enjoy a meaningful existence, so you can’t hide from the past or pack it away. Denial stifles your growth towards purpose because:

· It Takes Away From What Matters

A purposeful life is all about focusing on the things that truly matter. Your focus is on the heart of meaning and isn’t clouded by any external factors. When you’re in denial, that can’t happen. You become so stuck in what you refuse to see that everything is fogged by that negativity. In essence, you lose the forest for the trees. You act based on subconscious pushes from your emotional baggage and allow it to control you. If you would stop denying those emotions, you’d finally be able to set them aside. Studies say this can even improve your decision-making skills.

· It Makes Emotions Worse

If emotional baggage is bad for purpose, denial increases the negativity exponentially! Research has shown that when you’re capable of naming and acknowledging emotions, you can also reduce their severity. The same goes for the opposite: if you don’t name your feelings and deny them, they worsen over time. That’s not going to help you much in your quest for purpose!

· It Adds Stress To Your Life

There’s no such thing as a genuinely stress-free life. But when you’re gunning for the fulfillment you seek, you’ll want to manage stress well. You need to be able to use your energy on positivity instead of losing it to excess pressure. Denying your emotions by leaving emotional baggage tightly sealed keeps you living in past trauma. Your brain can’t register that you’re safe because you’re actively keeping it in fight-or-flight!

· It Stifles Your Growth

To learn from the past, one must confront and acknowledge it. When you have emotional baggage that you refuse to unpack, you stay in denial of those lessons. Instead of learning and growing accordingly towards a purposeful life, you repeat the same mistakes repeatedly. This burden leaves you stuck and stagnant.

2. Lacking Confidence Holds You Back From A Purposeful Life

A lack of confidence can stifle you as you try to live a purposeful life. You need to trust yourself to feel comfortable with the discomfort of leaving your comfort zone to achieve goals. You need to be okay with the concept of failure and recognize that “failing” doesn’t define your worth.

But emotional baggage ruins any confidence you have. It keeps you living in the past that isn’t the current reality. In that past, you were hiding, victimized, and hurt. You don’t blossom, and you don’t even believe that you can. Here are some ways that a lack of confidence sets difficult hurdles in your desire for purpose:

· Fear

Fear can hold you back significantly in life. Fear dictates your anxieties and can even make you paranoid. You’ve been hurt before. So you think about how you could be hurt again. You also don’t trust your capabilities in reaching new goals, nor do you trust yourself to handle future issues if they arise. You refuse to let go of your baggage as it reminds you constantly that you need to stay protected by playing it as safe as possible. As such, you never grow, never experience new things, and never leave your comfort zone. How can anyone enjoy a purpose-driven life like that?

· Regret

Regret and guilt can cause you to stumble in life. While it’s good to learn from the past, dwelling on shame will ruin your emotional wellbeing. Your self-worth will begin to hinge on all your past mistakes. When you live a life directed by guilt, you decide that your regrets define you. This damages your self-esteem and confidence.

· Doubt

Emotional baggage can make you question your abilities. This causes you to lose interest in things that should be driving your purpose forward. You don’t believe you’re capable of achieving anything, so you don’t bother. This self-imposed negativity is among the saddest effects of emotional baggage. It allows those who have harmed you to be a critical voice in your head continually.

3. Let Go Of Past Relationships For A More Purposeful Life

Not everyone necessarily has relationships at the center of their goals for a purposeful life. But, all the same, social health is typically a necessary part of a positively lived life. Humans are social creatures by nature, and there’s a lot of value in community and support systems. Without a good circle of support, it’s tough to get to the purpose you desire, especially since it’ll be tough to find like-minded people.

Emotional baggage is a huge factor in maintaining poor relationships. When you’re led by all this past trauma, you bring those feelings and insecurities with you into various interactions. You continue to live like the people in your life today will treat you the same way as those who contributed to your baggage. This is extremely unfair to those around you now and can drive people away.

Emotional baggage further affects relationships because it makes you:

Fear closeness due to commitment issues or a fear that others can hurt you if they know you well.
Become overly sensitive to the actions of others, causing you to take things personally and lash out easily.
Compares yourself to everyone around you, leading to toxic envy and further lack of confidence.
Need constant reassurance from others, bordering on codependent clinginess or neediness.
Have trouble opening up to new people.
Seek out relationships that repeat toxic patterns you haven’t unpacked from your baggage.
Project your insecurities and unresolved baggage onto others.

4. Unwillingness to Change Prevents You From Living a Purposeful Life

To live a purposeful life, you must often engage in various lifestyle changes. After all, many people seek purpose through meaningful improvement or facilitate their personal growth to achieve their goals. If you have emotional baggage, this can be a significant barrier to those necessary changes.

Studies have shown that having emotional baggage can serve as a blockade towards healthy lifestyle alterations. This can involve areas of life such as:

Diet and healthy eating
Exercise and physical activity
Quitting vices such as smoking or substance use
Financial wisdom and budgeting
Moving house, especially to unfamiliar cities, states, or countries
Fear of leaving a comfort zone to perform lifestyle change

Why does this happen? It’s likely due to the burden of the aforementioned emotional baggage. You’re stuck in those old habits that come with the baggage, and that only worsens the load you have to carry.

In addition, ego and self-esteem can prevent you from having a purposeful and full life. A lack of these traits can make you too frightened or unconfident to move forward with lifestyle changes. You’ll face numerous anxieties about the possibility of your success in your attempts to make changes. If you’re too worried that you’ll fail, you may not even try. This stops you from living a purposeful life and keeps you stuck in an inferiority complex that isn’t very fulfilling!

Final Thoughts On How To Let Go Of Emotional Baggage So You Can Live A Purposeful Life

Emotional baggage is the enemy of a purposeful life. Finding fulfillment in your goals and actions is only possible when you start to unpack and examine what’s in that metaphorical luggage. This requires a good deal of emotional healing, which can take time, energy, and effort. Many may even opt for professional help from a therapist or counselor to aid in this unpacking process. If you feel you need that, you shouldn’t be afraid to seek that help!

There are some things you can do to push for a purpose-driven life by handling emotional baggage. First and foremost, you must be brave and face those packed-up feelings. Releasing emotions by acknowledging and expressing them is an incredibly effective decision. You get to give yourself permission to see your trauma for what it is and genuinely experience its pain.

After that, you’ll have to dig at the roots of your baggage and find the trauma that it stems from. This can involve confronting the reality of past circumstances. For some, this may require unpacking childhood abuse. Many individuals will need professional help handling this complex issue, especially if trauma disorders like PTSD are involved.

Even once you unpack your baggage, the work isn’t done! You must constantly apply new, positive methods to ensure that baggage doesn’t build up again. It’s an uphill battle at times, but it’s very worth it. If you want a purposeful life that is meaningful and fulfilling, letting go of emotional baggage and healing their trauma is the best way to go!

10 Signs You Take Things Personally (and How to Stop)

November 26, 2021 by Chris Butler

Do you often feel like you’re under a microscope when you’re around others? Maybe you’ve been told that you need to relax and stop being so overly sensitive. How can you know if you take things personally regardless of the situation?

People who are overly critical of themselves may have learned it from childhood. Maybe a parent or another adult said something disparaging or insensitive that stuck with you. In these formative years, you often internalize this verbal abuse as truth.

For example, you accidentally drop and break something, and a callous parent says, “You never do anything right.” If you internalize this abusive statement, it becomes part of your negative self-talk. You send this negative affirmation into the Universe, and it returns more negativity.

Ten Signs You Might Take Things Personally

Nobody is above second-guessing themselves when they face undue criticism. However, you learn to filter out toxic comments and realize that you’re not always the target. Here are ten signs to recognize if you are taking things personally.

1. You’re Obsessed with Other People’s Opinions

It’s only normal to want to make a good impression on family, friends, and strangers. An article published by the American Psychological Association discusses acceptance as a basic human need. Since people are social and need to belong, you can view a negative opinion as rejection.

Those who take things personally are forever second-guessing everything from body image to their points of view. Such an obsession can boost anxiety and lead to poor self-esteem. The only control other people have on you is what you allow.

2. If Criticism Overwhelms You, They You Might Take Things Personally

The key to dealing with criticism is to differentiate the type. Constructive criticism aims to give you a unique perspective for positive changes. These may come from well-meaning mentors or people in your circle.

Harsh criticism is often based on jealousy, negativity, or plain hatefulness. While constructive criticism still may sting, it can help you in the long run. If you take things personally, any type of criticism may feel like a direct attack.

3. You Often Feel Paranoid

Part of your need to be accepted includes the assurance that nobody is talking behind your back. You know that your friends and family support you and will defend you if necessary. Overly sensitive people have a challenging time trusting the loyalty of others.

If you see co-workers chatting in a corner at work, do you often assume they are talking about you? Do you find yourself over-analyzing comments and actions as possible criticisms? Such paranoia makes cooperation and comradery difficult for you at work.

It’s even more problematic for your social life or love interests. You might think others are singling you out as different and inferior. In a relationship, your constant doubts and sensitivity can push your partner away from you.

4. You Could Take Things Personally if You Always Question Motives

People who take things personally often can’t take any statements or actions at face value. They might be convinced that everyone has an ulterior motive for being in their circle. What others say may not be what they mean.

For example, your best friend might say, “That outfit looks stunning on you.” While you may offer a weak smile and brush off the compliment, you doubt they really feel what they’re saying. Are they implying that your clothes aren’t usually attractive?

The same worries accompany any generosity or favor others do for you. Did they offer to carpool your kids to school because you are a terrible parent? What’s their hidden agenda for being so nice to you and your family?

5. You Often Feel Guilty

Those who are hypersensitive are often people pleasers. You’ll usually go the extra mile to please others so they will accept you. Those rare times that you must say no make you ruminate and feel guilty for days.

To avoid such anxiety, you’ll be the first to volunteer and won’t decline requests, even if they’re inconvenient. You’ll often hide your emotions and opinions so that you don’t ruffle any feathers. Unfortunately, you’re only doing yourself a grave disservice.

You needn’t feel guilty by asserting yourself and showing others how you expect to be treated. If someone thinks you are their personal doormat, pull it out from under them without guilt. If you can’t, you may be taking things too personally.

Substance abuse can be your way of coping with unnecessary guilt. In the beginning, most people abuse alcohol, drugs, tobacco, or food to appease their anxiety. Soon, these crutches are controlling them and sabotaging their lives.

When you take things personally, you may quell your insecurities with addiction. Unfortunately, your problems are still there after the emotional high is over. Whether you’re addicted to a substance or activities like shopping or gaming, they can jeopardize your well-being and relationships.

6. You Feel Threatened With Disagreements

Everyone has their own opinion, regardless of their relationship. It’s all part of being individuals. However, those who take things personally feel threatened if another person challenges their viewpoints.

It’s not only acceptable to disagree with others, but it’s also healthy. According to an article published by Harvard Business Review, it promotes flexibility, listening skills, and cooperation. You can only realize these benefits when you can look beyond your insecurities.

7. You’re Quick to Anger

Anger is a complicated emotion because it usually masks fear and other negative feelings. Rather than to show others your vulnerability, it’s easier to be angry and defensive. Taking things personally means that you can consider the most innocent comments as an insult.

One of the tell-tale statements is, “What did you mean by that?” You’re instantly angered before you even understand what the other person is saying. Angry people aren’t effective listeners and usually feel insulted.

These feelings constantly keep you on guard and distrusting others. After a while, your anger may morph into bitterness. If your rage keeps people at bay, it gives you a false sense of security.

8. You Might Take Things Personally If You Feel Misunderstood Often

Those who are high-strung often feel like they are an anomaly that nobody understands. You may feel disconnected from family, friends, and coworkers as if they look down on you. Instead of discussing your feelings, opinions, or ideas, you brood in silence.

It’s normal to think outside of the box and occasionally wonder if others “get” you. However, it becomes a significant issue if this self-doubt festers into isolation, anxiety, and depression. You may not realize that it’s okay to be different, and others don’t always need to understand you.

9. People Are Reserved Around You

Almost everyone has at least one person in their circle who takes themselves too seriously. Whenever they’re present, you notice that everybody is walking on eggshells. They’re trying their best not to do or say anything to get this high-strung person in an uproar.

If that person is you, now you understand why everyone may seem so nervous around you. It’s a double-edged sword that results in less genuineness and empathy. Everyone is second-guessing what the other is thinking and feeling.

10. You Are Hypercritical of Yourself

No doubt, you’ve accomplished goals over the years that should be a source of pride. When you work hard to gain knowledge and learn new skills, you’ve got a right to feel good about them. If not, you may be someone who takes things personally.

Successful people never stop learning and setting new aspirations. However, you may be dissatisfied regardless of what you achieve. You may downplay it to others or feel inadequate and undeserving.

Instead of appreciating your talents and skills, you are often your own worst critic. You can find fault in your best efforts and may never have a kind word for yourself. Perhaps it gives you a feeling of control to criticize your accomplishments before someone else does.

Many people who are workaholics and perfectionists take themselves too seriously. Nothing is ever done to their satisfaction, and they are constantly out to prove a point. If you’re first at the finish line, you may wonder why you weren’t there sooner.

When you’re hypercritical of yourself, you may feel the need to apologize for it constantly. Not only do you say you’re sorry, but you also try to make amends and try not to repeat the offense. However, high-strung people are like a broken record of apologies that aren’t necessary.

You needn’t apologize for insignificant mistakes or for not being “perfect.” This compulsion may stem from your insecurities and low self-esteem. It’s almost as if you are apologizing to the world for simply being yourself.

Final Thoughts on Identifying That You Take Things Personally

When you realize that you’re not the center of everyone’s critical eye, it breaks the bonds of insecurity. The people who love you the most have your best interests at heart and want you to succeed. It’s all about learning to trust others and accepting yourself as deserving and worthy.

Additionally, you can’t enjoy life if you constantly feel like you’re singled out and all eyes are on you. Stop taking things personally and start being mindful and enjoying all that you’ve been blessed with today!

10 Habits That Reveal an Even-tempered Person

November 26, 2021 by Deborah Tayloe

You meet lots of people in your everyday life, and some have better temperaments than others. Perhaps you find that even you have a hard time controlling your temper when dealing with stress and constant drama. However, an even-tempered person is someone who has mastered their response and personality flaws, and they’ve learned not to get too upset when things don’t go their way.

Some people fly off the handle at the slightest infraction. If their child gets a bad grade on a test, it’s enough to send them into a tailspin because things didn’t go the way they intended. At the crux of these issues is anxiety and the desire to be and do better.

People who frazzle easily and have a controlling nature usually become fearful when they experience a schedule disruption. Anxiety can make a person think and feel all sorts of things, but the standard culprit is it makes you high-strung. Think about it the next time you experience high anxiety levels.

According to the National Library of Medicine, someone experiencing a panic or anxiety attack might have sweaty palms, a racing pulse, nervousness, feel faint, and want to run to escape the angst they feel. A person with temperament issues probably feels these sensations in some form or another, so they may lash out, become very angry, or say things they don’t mean.

While they get dubbed as a person with a bad temper or someone who has a cantankerous personality, it’s probably an underlying mental health issue to blame. Still, some folks are touchy and uptight by nature. It can be a genetic link to mood swings, as genetics play a massive part in your demeanor.

The even-tempered person is the one who shows kindness even when their life is a wreck, as they’ve learned that you are going to have good days and bad days. They’ve mastered the old saying never to let anyone see you sweat.

Ten Habits and Behaviors of the Even-tempered Person

Are your moods even, or are you constantly wafting back and forth, and the people around you must walk on eggshells because of the fluctuations? Here are some undeniable signs of someone who has mastered the art of maintaining an even temperament.

1. An Even-Tempered Person Is Not Unreasonable or Foolish

One of the best things about this person is they don’t act irrationally when things go wrong. Additionally, they’re not big on impulsivity, so they take time to think their words and actions out carefully. Sure, they can speak candidly to people around them, but they will do it with the utmost respect.

They keep their cool by staying above the situation and never being controlled by it. They manage their emotions and deal with everything negative that comes their way in a pure sense. While they’re not the free spirit that’s carefree, they indeed tend to focus on the positive rather than the negative.

2. They’re Considerate of Others

The even-tempered person is conscientious about what they say to other folks, as their considerate nature respects the feelings of others. They’re known for being honest and never telling a lie, and they wouldn’t dare focus on your negative qualities to bring you down. Instead, they like to help build folks up to assist them on their journey towards happiness.

If they should ever hurt you, embarrass or shame you in any way, they would feel horrible and try to make it right. Their goal is to be kind, loving, and tender to others, and they wouldn’t tolerate someone belligerent or rude in their inner circle.

3. An Even-Tempered Person Does Not Hold Grudges

Just because a person has an even temper doesn’t mean that they don’t get hurt or offended on occasion. However, they are eager to forgive and wouldn’t think of holding a grudge. They believe in treating other folks with kindness and respect, and even if you do upset them, they won’t be mad for long.

Even if the situation is pessimistic at best, they will strive to find a way to make things more positive. They wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, even if you harm them first.

4. They Don’t Expect Perfection From Themselves or Others

The low-key attitude of the even-tempered person is terrific because it means they don’t expect perfection. They don’t hold themselves to a high standard that’s strangling, nor will they hold you to that standard either. This person understands that humans are fallible, and they know that there’s no way you can go through life without making mistakes.

People find that this individual is easy to get along with and have a relationship with because they do not obsess over a perfect world. From every connection to the activity they engage in, they have a realistic point of view.

5. They Like to Create a Positive Flow of Energy

The even-tempered person knows that there are both positive and negative energies in life. However, they strive to be a positive force that helps others. Some of these optimistic folks view themselves as a beacon of light to help illuminate the world.

Think of them as a mighty river, like the Mississippi, that flows into many tributaries and never stops moving and sharing. They would never want to be a reservoir and contain all their goodness without giving some of it to others.

6. Patience is Their Virtue

Someone who learns to manage their temperament is relaxed and understanding. They know that everything doesn’t happen overnight, and they’ve discovered that it’s foolish to expect such things. Even in the tensest situations, they have learned how to be calm and patient.

They hold firm to the saying that good things come to those who wait, so they don’t get in a big hurry about trying to push the Universe along.

7. They’re Very Helpful

A person with a good temperament is very accommodating to others. They try to find the good in people, focusing on this positive attribute even when someone is intolerable. While some folks in this life are unapproachable and want to steer clear from, the person with an excellent temperament is easily approachable.

They’re not going to tell you whatever you want to hear, but they will use compassion with their candor. They provide an excellent shoulder to cry on, and they have excellent communication skills to listen and help you.

8. Disagreements and Upset Bother an Even-Tempered Person

Because the person with a good temperament likes to keep things low-key, they’re agitated when there are disagreements or unrest. They want to face the issues head-on and not leave anything undone. These are the type of folks that don’t let the sunset on their wrath, so they try to work everything out.

When there are things like war and significant upheavals, it will cause them great anxiety. They tend to be fixers and not those who work well when everything is far from peaceful.

9. They See The Best in Others

One of the endearing qualities about this person is that they see your imperfections but never focus on them. They tend to find the good in you, even if you don’t see it. They believe that the world can be a better place if everyone stops judging a book by its cover.

This individual will be the first to help you reach your goals and be a better person, and just being around them makes you feel better. They positively affect the world around them, so folks draw close to their endearing nature.

10. An Even-Tempered Person Will Offer Brightness to Those Around Them

When you have a good temperament, you don’t want people to pay for every wrong they’ve done. Instead, you want to help people feel love and find hope in this crazy world and teach them a better way. This individual offers some brightness in a place that can often be dark and confusing.

They will always be open and honest with you. But the honest feedback builds you and helps you become a better person. Their worlds are constructive and never destructive.

Final Thoughts on Identifying an Even-Tempered Person

There are many desirable traits of a good person, and one of them is having a good temperament. These people are polite, generous, have good manners, and think of others before themselves. The best quality of these individuals is that they learn to make the best of whatever comes their way.

Sure, they don’t have a perfect life, but they’ve learned never to take things too seriously and roll with the punches. According to the National Library of Medicine, your temperament is primarily decided by your genetics, but you do have the power to change things. If you don’t like that you’re hot-headed and tend to fly off the handle when things go wrong, you can strive to be more even-tempered and kinder.

You can start today striving to be a better person and someone others look up to and respect. However, it’s going to take some work to get rid of bad habits.

12 Red Flags That Reveal Someone Has a Hidden Motive

November 25, 2021 by Chris Butler

Most people do favors and offer gifts from the kindness of their hearts. Their intentions are pure, and there aren’t any strings attached. However, some people are users and have a hidden motive for anything they do or give to you.

You’d like to think that everyone in your circle is genuine. However, there’s always at least one fake person in the bunch who’s nothing but self-serving. They specialize in using people and disposing of them when they’ve nothing else to give.

Twelve Signs That Reveal Someone With a Hidden Motive

On the surface, manipulative people appear to be charming and the perfect best friend. Soon, these slithering snakes, also known as toxic individuals, reveal their authentic selves when they ease into patterns of using others. Once they get a foot in your door, it’s challenging to get them out of your life. Here are some easy ways to know if a person has a hidden motive.

1. A Person With a Hidden Motive Is Only Nice When They Want Something

You’ll have some friends and family members who are always there when they need you. Yet, their hidden motive is often so subtle that you don’t realize this person duped you. For these toxic users, you’re only a means to get them what they want.

You can always tell when they’re on the prowl with their secret agenda. Their regular pattern is to appear at your door after an extended period of absence. They slither back into your space with one goal in mind.

They’ll be your best friend until you give in and help them. The moment you hand them the check or do a favor, they slip into the shadows and disappear. Unfortunately, they’ll be back with sugary words and their hand out.

2. It’s Different for Someone With a Hidden Motive if You Need a Favor

One of the beautiful things about friendship is that friends reciprocate kindness. A loyal friend strives to give as much as they receive. If you have a friend who is using people, their generosity always has an ulterior motive.

Toxic people often conveniently forget all the things you’ve done for them. But they are constantly reminding you of any favor they’ve done for you. Anything they do for you has strings attached, and they want the world to know.

3. They’re All About Themselves

There’s nothing wrong with loving yourself as a person and having self-confidence. When self-love is taken too far, a person may develop a narcissistic personality. Narcissists are some of the most toxic friends you’ll ever encounter.

Listen to your conversations with them and notice how they’re directed. Self-absorbed people can’t get beyond sentences with “I, me, my, and mine.” As you patiently listen to their current drama, it will be a one-sided monologue.

Should you get a word in edgewise, this egotist may say, “Oh really? How nice. But back to what I was saying about me.” They’re not the least bit interested in your input. Their hidden motive is to use you as a sounding board for their drama.

4. A “Moocher” Might Have a Hidden Motive

It’s common for friends to treat one another to dinner or an outing occasionally. Real friends keep the scales of reciprocity balanced and won’t take advantage. Still, there’s always that cheapskate pal who likes to party on your dime.

Some red flags to consider are the friend who conveniently forgets their wallet every time you go out together. They may offer to pay you back, but usually, these toxic people have amnesia when it suits them.

Why should they pay for anything if you’re so willing to flip the bill? It may be a hidden agenda, or it could be a flaw in their personality. According to an article published by Moneyning, extreme frugality can signify a mental illness.

Regardless of what motivates your mooching friend, it’s not fair to you. Some of these people go beyond money and are chronic borrowers. They use you like a virtual warehouse for their needs, and they often forget to return things.

5. They Use Guilt to Manipulate You

Chronic users are travel agents for guilt trips. Your toxic friend probably knows you well enough to know your weaknesses. They will push those buttons and manipulate you to get what they want.

When you say no, they’ll try their best to make you feel sorry for them. Some of their tactics may include tears and exaggerated emotions. If you’ve given in to their hidden motive before, they assume you’ll do it again.

6. You’re Their Last Resort

The chances are that you and your selfish friend have mutual buddies. For them to succeed with their exploitative ways, they need a collection of soft-hearted folks. If one person says forget it, they’ll move on to the next person in line.

You might be on the bottom of their list, which isn’t always a terrible thing. They may call you after weeks of no contact because they’re bored. This hoodwinker expects you’ll entertain them and possibly help them out of a crisis.

7. They Don’t Keep Their Word

Some of the lines that freeloading friends use are classic. “I’ll pay you back Friday,” or “Next time, it’s my turn to treat.” Of course, Friday never comes, nor does your turn to be treated.

They figure that you’re an easy target and don’t mind being their ATM. These unreasonable requests go beyond mooching money. A toxic user will call you constantly for babysitting, rides, or to borrow something. They swear to return the money and the favors, but their promises bounce like their checks.

8. They Aren’t Grateful

Your parents taught you at an early age to show gratitude to others. You sincerely thank them when someone is kind enough to buy you a gift or do a favor. Another negative quality of a sponging friend is that they take your graciousness for granted.

They’re often like a spoiled child and overwhelm you with their wants. Rarely will you receive a genuine thank-you or any other gratitude? You can forget about them doing anything for you without them acting like you’re a bother.

9. They Get Defensive When Confronted

It stands to reason that people with a hidden motive are aware of their manipulative ways. There may have been times when you’ve had it with their freeloading and confronted the issue. At first, they may act shocked or indignant with your honest conversation.

Then, they’ll often go on the defense and try to shift the blame to you. An article published by Psychology Today explains that blame-shifting is abuse. It’s a tool that toxic people use to manipulate and control others.

The drama continues as they try to turn the tables and accuse you of being selfish and a rotten friend. All the negative qualities they want to pin on you’re the ones they struggle with in life. Unless you stand your ground, they’ll be back the next time they need you.

10. People With Hidden Motives Don’t Respect Boundaries

Regardless of whether a relationship is personal or professional, it must have set boundaries to last successfully. Those with a hidden motive will cross any line for their selfish interests. Each time they disrespect you, they erase more of your personal boundaries.

It’s often so subtle that you don’t realize you’re losing ground. The more you concede in more minor matters, the more they will challenge your will. Soon, they’ll have you on speed dial and won’t think about inconveniencing you.

11. They Create Negativity and Chaos

You and your genuine friends have each other’s best interests at heart. Being together cultivates positivity, inspiration, and joy. The scales of give and take are balanced, and you make each other better people.

Such isn’t the case with those with a hidden motive. The minute their number displays on your caller ID, you instantly feel anxiety and dread. If this pattern continues, it will shroud your mind with resentment, uneasiness, and hopelessness.

Manipulative people are virtual vampires who drain your time, energy, and resources. They lurk in the shadows with their hidden agendas and can’t tolerate the light of confrontation. These folks rob you of dignity and joy.

12. They’re Deceptive

You know the questionable buddy who is always down on their luck and wants you to be their savior? Much of their misfortune may be a result of poor decisions and negative behaviors. They often must create a façade and a believable sob story to draw you into their drama.

Many toxic people are pathological liars to the point that they deceive themselves. No matter how many lies you catch them in, they have a well-rehearsed rebuttal. If they’re dishonest with everyone else, why would they be truthful with you?

Final Thoughts on Fake Friends with a Hidden Motive

A friend’s motives are soon evident without them saying a word. You’ll notice the positive characteristics and actions of devoted friends. Close your heart’s door and your wallet to freeloaders and learn to say “no.”

10 Behaviors That Reveal a Disloyal Person

November 25, 2021 by Chris Butler

When you find a faithful friend, you have a priceless treasure. You may have countless buddies and acquaintances, but very few close friends. When you notice the signs of a disloyal friend, it can save you a world of hurt in the long run.

Some of your fondest memories probably revolve around you and your inner circle. Those who grew up with you are often as close as siblings. The years you spent laughing, crying, and growing together will always be in your heart.

Ten Telltale Signs of a Disloyal Friend

Within almost every circle of friends is a Judas-type character, as we know from the Bible. They may kiss your cheek while they stab you in the back. Here are ten red flags that may warn of a disloyal friend.

1. A Disloyal Person Will Make It All About Them

Everyone has at least one friend or family member who has narcissistic tendencies. These are the individuals who make every situation about themselves. An egotistical acquaintance may use you to pump up their ego or be their therapist.

Although friendship should be a two-way street, they’re too busy with their drama to even care about things in your life. You try your best to please them, but they are disloyal when helping you.

While they usually aren’t bad people in general, you can’t depend on egotists. They’ll just about always put themselves before anybody, including you.

2. They Surround You With Negativity

A friend may be disloyal if they chronically bombard you with negative energy. You dread answering their phone calls or text messages because you’re sure it’s nothing but doom and gloom. Sometimes you may deal with a friend with a toxic mix of narcissism and pessimism.

According to an article published by Psychology Today, pessimism can be contagious. If you spend enough time with that grumpy friend or mate, you will most likely adopt their attitude. Over time, this dark energy can affect your physical and mental health.

Maybe your pessimistic friend isn’t being loyal to your feelings. They keep whining and griping regardless of how you try to break free of that toxic energy. You may lose your optimistic outlook if you don’t make a quick exit from the friendship.

3. They Are Backbiters

Everybody is guilty of sharing a juicy tidbit they shouldn’t have said. Do you have a friend or loved one who is a perennial gossip? They spend their time delving into everyone’s closet to discover any hidden skeletons.

In the Yiddish culture, such busybodies are called yentas, and you may know a few. They love to call and text you about the latest scandals in the lives of mutual friends and family. If the stories aren’t spicy enough, gossiping people will often embellish them by telling lies.

Be assured that if this disloyal big mouth is filling your ears about other people, they are talking about you, too. A real friend won’t go behind your back and whisper your business. Plus, they won’t invent lies that make you look bad.

4. Disloyal People Say Hurtful Things

Disloyal friends show their true colors when they joke at other people’s expense. Of course, you and your besties may have insider jokes or good-natured ribbing. However, it’s unacceptable to make someone the butt of mean tricks.

After they’ve insulted you, they’ll often try to play it off by saying, “just joking.” These insensitive boors think they are the life of the party, and everyone should laugh. Even though they’ve cut you down in front of others, they dare to say you don’t have a sense of humor.

Nobody deserves to be humiliated in the guise of a joke. Hurting someone for their folly is unconscionable. If these bullies aren’t concerned with your feelings and dignity, they don’t deserve to be in your circle.

5. They Won’t Apologize

Even in the best friendships, you’re bound to have a few rifts. Different personalities can sometimes clash, and offenses will happen. However, genuine friends know how to apologize and make proper amends.

Apologizing goes beyond just saying you’re sorry. Not only do you acknowledge the wrong and its consequences, but you try not to repeat it. Toxic friends often think they can continually hurt you, and a flippant “sorry” will suffice.

In the worst case, some of these people will shift the blame when you confront them. Instead of apologizing, they may mention something from the past or pass it off as a joke. If a friend can’t care enough to sincerely apologize, mark them off your list.

6. They Are Fair Weather Friends

These are the fake friends who are always there when they need you. When all is sunshine and roses, they claim to be your best friend. However, they’re nowhere to be found when you’re down and need a hand.

They are usually self-centered people who may feel like they’re doing you a favor by offering their friendship. When you call, text, or message on social media, they claim they “forgot” to respond. Friends who ghost you aren’t worth your time.

Another type of fair-weather friend is the “guess who.” They are so moody that you never know who they will be daily. You may go to lunch together; they are jolly and caring, and the next day they completely ignore you.

Of course, your friend may have a mental issue that could cause severe mood swings. In this case, you can be supportive as they get the help they need. However, some people use others as a convenience and are not reliable friends.

7. Disloyal Friends Do Not Tell the Truth

Perhaps nothing can damage a relationship more than dishonesty. While some may see a trivial lie as harmless, it can lead to a lifelong habit. Who can you trust if you can’t trust your friend or partner to tell the truth?

You may have a pal who is a pathological liar. A study published by Victoria Dykstra et al. in the Journal of Adolescence discusses teen friendship and lies. They found that chronic lying can lead to poor-quality friendships and depressive symptoms.

If this pattern continues, it may have detrimental effects on adulthood. Friendship is built on mutual trust and has no room for lies and secrets. Once a friend has broken your confidence, it can be challenging to repair the rift. If you want a faithful friend, don’t choose a chronic liar.

8. They Don’t Respect Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are an essential key to lasting friendships. In his iconic poem, Robert Frost reminds people that to have good friends, you need good fences. Although Frost was talking about literal barriers, he uses them symbolically as boundaries.

Having a decent friendship is nearly impossible if that person can’t respect your wishes. These folks are constantly stepping on your toes and shrugging off your objections. Real friends tell each other how they want to be treated and do so.

Those who disregard your preferences aren’t only selfish but also disloyal and unfaithful. There comes a time when you must give these people a request to respect your boundaries. If they can’t, then keep your distance until they can.

9. Disloyal Friends Use Family as an Excuse

The old saying that blood is thicker than water doesn’t always ring true. Some people who aren’t even related to you can be better to you than family. Just because a person is a relative doesn’t make you a doormat.

However, a disloyal family member can be incredibly hurtful. If they talk about you behind your back, lie, or cheat, you needn’t keep them in your life. Even if you see them during holidays or reunions, be civil and go your way.

10. They Aren’t Dependable

Who doesn’t have that one friend in a group who is hopelessly unreliable? They will be the first to volunteer for anything needed, but they don’t show up. They are the friends that promise the moon and stars and deliver nothing.

Everyone has people in their family or friend circle who aren’t loyal. They’ll either be late or forget when you plan a get-together. While they have the best intentions, their thoughtlessness affects everybody else. It’s an unhealthy relationship because it causes you to harbor resentment.

Loyal friends keep their word and are dependable. Of course, anybody can make a mistake, but it’s nothing you should make a habit of doing. There are just some people that you cannot rely on at all.

The whole reason for friendship is to have people you love and trust. They create joy and bring out the best in you. A person who abuses you physically, verbally, or emotionally isn’t your friend.

Nobody has the right to hurt you or make you feel insignificant. Not even if they are family or your partner. Be kind to yourself and say goodbye to these folks.

Final Thoughts on Identifying (and Dealing With!) Disloyal People

Genuine friendship requires loyalty and trust to last. If those virtues aren’t there, don’t waste any more time, energy, or resources. Save those for people who value your friendship. You owe it to yourself to pour into those who take time to care and pour back into you.

9 Ways to Make A Home Gym (Without Expensive Equipment)

November 25, 2021 by Chris Butler

There’s never been a better time in your life to get in shape, regardless of your age. Whether you’re doing cardio, aerobics, or stretching workouts, you needn’t go further than your living room. Exercising in a home gym is convenient for busy people like you to stay fit and healthy.

Your first experience with exercise and a gym was probably in school. There was plenty of room for running, stretching, and working out. The gym teacher taught you basic movements like sit-ups, pushups, jumping jacks, and leg lifts. No fancy equipment was necessary, and you learned fitness skills to last a lifetime.

Nowadays, home gyms have evolved, offering a plethora of options to cater to various fitness preferences. If you’re inclined towards a low-impact yet effective workout, Pilates might pique your interest. Pilates focuses on strengthening the core, improving flexibility, and enhancing posture. It’s a versatile exercise method that can be adapted to suit different fitness levels and goals.

Investing in Pilates equipment for your home gym can elevate your workout experience. Items like a Pilates reformer, stability ball, resistance bands, and Pilates ring can add diversity to your routine and target different muscle groups. These tools not only enhance the effectiveness of your workouts but also provide support and resistance to challenge your body in new ways.

For guidance on selecting the right Pilates equipment for your home setup, visit Pilates Matters website, where you can find expert advice and recommendations tailored to your needs. With the convenience of home-based Pilates workouts and the accessibility of quality equipment, achieving your fitness goals has never been more attainable.

Training young people in health and fitness isn’t a new concept. According to an article published by World History Encyclopedia, the first gymnasiums were established in Greece around the 6th century BCE.

They were training sessions in the open air for young men. According to the article, the Ancient Greeks valued muscular bodies, so they honed running, wrestling, discus throwing, and gymnastics skills.

Although most global cultures valued strength, agility, and war training, the Greek gymnasium established the general concept. Later, the Ancient Roman Empire embraced the Greek gymnasium style and integrated it into their iconic Roman bathhouses. Eventually, the idea spread throughout the modern world.

Nine Ways to Make a Home Gym Without Purchasing Expensive Equipment

Whether they’re called gymnasiums, fitness, or health clubs, they are a multi-billion-dollar industry worldwide. An article published by Statistica says that this global industry is worth about $98 billion each year and is increasing. As of 2019, 70.36 million Americans reported that they had gym memberships.

Are you one of those people in the gym statistics? You value your health and want to be in decent shape. Exercising in a fitness center may be great for your body, but not so wonderful for your time and money. What benefits are you receiving from your health club that you couldn’t get from a home gym?

The good news is that you needn’t attend an expensive gym for your daily exercise routines. Did you know that you don’t have to buy a bunch of expensive equipment to get in shape? Here are nine easy ways to create your home gym without fancy equipment.

1. Claim Your Space

In her iconic essay, author Virginia Woolf espoused the need for a successful writer to have a dedicated space. The same rule can be applied to setting up a home gym. It’s as simple as assigning a room or even a corner with enough space to move around safely.

Finished basements and garages make ideal workout places, especially if you want to add some inexpensive equipment. What if you live in a small apartment with minimal space? You can rearrange a couple of pieces of furniture temporarily for a spot.

If possible, try to find a space with a window. It offers you a lovely view of nature while you exercise. Also, you can open this window when you need a little fresh air.

2. Establish Your Purpose

Once you’ve claimed a suitable space, what’s the purpose of your home gym? Does your daily routine include running in place, jumping, or stretching? Maybe your exercise of choice is yoga or another meditative workout. If you’re adding simple equipment, how can you arrange it most efficiently?

3. Set the Mood

Have you ever noticed the appealing décor in gyms and health clubs? They’re often painted in bright colors and have accessories to inspire and motivate clients. The music is pumping, and everyone’s on natural energy high.

Part of having a home gym is creating an inviting space that will draw your attention. If you have an entire room, use your imagination, and paint the walls your favorite energizing colors. Hang posters, art, or inspirational words that encourage you to keep exercising. Play some of your favorite tunes and get with the beat during your fitness sessions.

Do you wonder why they hang full-length mirrors in fitness centers? You can easily see if you’re doing an exercise right by your reflection. Adding a mirror to your gym will keep you motivated as you see your body morph into better shape.

If you enjoy watching exercise videos or tutorials, you may consider mounting a tv on the wall. Also, keep track of your fitness goals with a hanging whiteboard. You can create the refreshing ambiance of a fitness club in your own home.

4. Identify Your Equipment Needs

While many fitness regimens don’t require equipment, it’s up to you if you need some for your home gym. When you’ve established the purpose of your exercise routine, you can decide what equipment you need, if any. Keep in mind how much space you have and any storage capacity.

Regardless of your routine of choice, simple equipment can help. A comfortable exercise mat, a few dumbbells, and some stretching bands won’t cost much. They can easily be stored in a container in a closet.

If you do decide to add equipment to your gym, try to keep it simple. Don’t pay a fortune for expensive, bulky machines that you don’t use and will end up in next summer’s garage sale. You can find high-quality used equipment for your purpose at bargain prices online.

Instead of buying gimmicky equipment that can only be used for one exercise type, invest in a piece with multiple functions. It can help you boost your routine. Plus, you want equipment that will fold up easily for storage if space is an issue.

5. Comfort is Important

Garages and basements are the quintessential home gymnasium spot. They are separate from your living space, and you usually don’t have to take down any equipment. However, these spaces aren’t always climate-controlled.

If you want an exercise space that you’ll want to use every day, you must be comfortable. Consider safe portable heaters for winter and fans or air conditioners for summer. You can still sweat and get the most out of your workout without freezing or suffocating from the indoor temperatures.

6. Dress for Success

One of the reasons many people avoid public gyms is that they’re ashamed of their bodies. Or they aren’t comfortable exercising around other people. When you create a home gym, you have the privacy and freedom you may want.

For optimal exercising benefits, you need to dress the part. Of course, you don’t have to wear the neon leggings, leotards, and sweatbands of the 80s. Just wear simple clothes that are comfortable, breathable, and appropriate for your routine.

7. Get the Family Involved

Just because you’ve created a personal gym doesn’t mean you can’t invite the family. According to an article published by the Centers for Disease Control, working out with others can boost your motivation and make your routine more consistent. Plus, per the article, you may be more apt to try a new exercise with a friend.

You can claim this space as your own or use it with your family. It can be rewarding to get healthier with your mate and children. Some people enjoy inviting an exercising buddy to their home for support and camaraderie.

8. Other Supplies to Remember

Exercising at home can build up a sweat that can quickly dehydrate your body. You may want to keep a minifridge in your space and stock it with water and energy drinks. Some people have supplements on hand for a recovery boost after a hard training session.

You might also consider keeping a stack of clean towels in your gym. They are handy for wiping away sweat as you exercise or when you hit the shower. Even if your routine is simple and you don’t use equipment, you’ll want a sturdy chair in your space for some exercises and to rest.

9. Fitness Al Fresco

What could be more inspiring than exercising in the great outdoors? When the weather permits, your backyard can be your home gym. There’s plenty of space, and the fresh air will rejuvenate your body, mind, and spirit. Running and stretching exercises can be more exhilarating in a park or forest.

You can do yoga or just about any of your favorite exercises on the beach or wherever you feel comfortable. During inclement weather, bring your routine back indoors. A change of scenery always keeps your routine fresh.

Final Thoughts on Creating a Space for At-Home Workouts

Forget spending a fortune on a gym membership that you may never use. Creating space for a gym in your home will save you money and provide more motivation and accountability. You feel more inspired in your daily routine, and you’ll reap the rewards of better health.

7 Reasons Collaboration Is Better Than Competition

November 25, 2021 by Kristen Butler

They always say that teamwork makes the dream work, but have you ever stopped and considered why collaboration is much better than the competition? Have you ever seen a one-person band at a circus or talent show?

One person is trying to do multiple things in hopes of entertaining the crowd. However, it’s a lot of stress to put on that individual trying to do it all. Now, instead of playing the drums, a harmonica, and all the different instruments by themselves, what if they had help?

A band can make a much better sound than one individual. It would reduce the musicians’ workload and produce a more pleasant experience for the crowd. No one can give 100 percent when they’re trying to multi-task and are distressed, but with some help, the options are endless. Teamwork works the very same way.

You’re very limited when you try to do it all independently, as you’re only one person. Now, when you add another person or maybe a lot of people to the mix, your abilities suddenly increase. Collaboration allows you to go further and do more in life, so why would you want to go it all alone when there’s help available?

7 Reasons Why Collaboration Is Better Than Competition

Some people prefer to work alone, but something beautiful can occur when you stop competing against others and learn to join forces. Here are some reasons why collaboration is always better than competing in work, social circles, and home.

1. Teamwork Boosts Skillsets

When you collaborate with other businesses, you’ll end up acquiring their skill set, and they yours. This new knowledge can make a huge difference in your ability to get your product to market faster because you can outsource the stuff you can’t do and vice versa. Thus, it boosts the capabilities of both of your businesses.

When you bring someone else onto your team, you increase the skillsets. For instance, you might not be the best typist in the company, but you’ve added to your abilities when you add an administrative pro that types 80 wpm. Having this person on your team means getting things out quickly because they can help with a faster turnaround.

Now, what if you added a person who had marketing, another one who had customer service experience, and so on. How much better could you make your team? The skills that you lack can be made up through others that join your alliance.

2. Collaboration Might Lower Expenses

Planning significant events come with lots of costs. However, if you have people alongside you who are helping to plan and organize, you can accomplish more and save. Take, for instance, a wedding.

Assume your child is getting married soon, and you’re planning the nuptials. If the bride and groom’s families don’t work together, it could end up costing way more in the long run. You’ve seen it too many times that the families are feuding and want little to do with one another.

However, how much money could they save if they pool their resources and connections? Perhaps the groom’s mother has a family member who bakes wedding cakes, which could significantly save. The only problem is that the other party won’t know unless they communicate.

The stress level isn’t as overwhelming when you work together, and the financial matters can split up equally. While the bride’s family traditionally pays for the wedding, times have certainly changed.

3. It Intensifies Brainstorming

You have a unique mindset that stems from your experiences. However, the person next to you has walked a different path with diverse learnings, so they don’t view things the same as you. The good news is that when you bring the two of you together, you can brainstorm and come up with better ways to get things done.

Have you ever put together a crossword puzzle? Puzzles can be pretty challenging, and it can sometimes be hard to find that one piece that should fit into the specific location. Nevertheless, when you bring in another person, they can often see things through different lenses.

They may be able to pick out that one puzzle piece that you’ve overlooked tons of times. Collaboration makes things go faster and brings new and fresh ideas to the table.

4. Collaboration Enhances the Creative Process

Rivalry reduces your creative processes because it’s difficult to produce things you have no clue about. Consequently, when you work with your competitors, it gets those creative juices flowing. Remember, two minds are always better than one.

You have likely heard of the household brand of products, Procter & Gamble. But you might not know the story behind the large corporation.

The founders were brothers-in-law. They did not know each other when they immigrated to the United States. In fact, they met only after they married a pair of sisters from Ohio. Procter, a candlemaker from England, and Gamble, a soapmaker from Ireland realized that they could pool their resources and partner to build a cohesive brand. As they grew, they brainstormed to add other products to their line-up. Today, their company has worldwide name recognition.

5. Collaboration Increases Quality

If you’ve ever worked in a quality assurance department, they operate on the theory that another set of eyes on the outcome enhances the finished product. Assume you worked in a factory that made pizzas. Your job was to pull any pizzas off the line that looks lackluster and isn’t up to the company’s standards.

It would be a massive job for one person so that the team would have many players. The more eyes you have on an item, the better it will be. A company is counting on you to catch any errors before their final product heads to the marketplace.

Have you ever got something from the grocery store that wasn’t thoroughly checked by the assurance team? Do you know that these assurances are in place to protect the company from liability? While you may not be running a manufacturing line, it can be just as important to have someone else check things over.

6. Teamwork Reduces Tension

The workforce can be a competitive place. If every employee is constantly watching over their shoulder and trying to be better than the one sitting next to them, it can be a counterproductive environment. Sure, a little bit of healthy competition is okay, but you need to work with your fellow worker and not against them.

Change the way you look at those you work with each day. Rather than seeing them as your competitors, why not look at them as someone who can complement and add to your work. Don’t you all have the same goal anyway?

Whether you work in accounting and them in the sales department, you’re both still trying to do the greater good for the company. Learning to work together instead of competing with one another can change an entire business for the better.

7. Collaboration Builds Bonds

If you’ve ever dropped your child off at a daycare center, you’ve probably heard them sing the song “Clean Up.” This cute little jingle is meant to motivate the young ones that everyone must do their share. It teaches children from an impressionable age that they cannot do things alone and everyone must pitch in to help.

A three-year-old child would look at a messy playroom and be overwhelmed if they had to clean it all alone. However, when you add two or three more kids to the mix to help, the task no longer seems overwhelming. Additionally, they learn that they can help each other complete large tasks.

As much as adults mature and grow, it’s still about these basic things you learn in your formative years. A study mentioned in Forbes Magazine stated that 55 percent of employees would go to their peers for advice. To ask someone for advice on life or work means that you trust them.

When you work side-by-side with folks, you build bonds that are not easily broken. How much better would the companies around the country be if people started viewing each other as equals and collaborating with them rather than viewing them as a competitive threat?

Final Thoughts On Reasons Collaboration Is Better Than Competition

The significance of collaboration is vital in today’s multidisciplinary culture. In previous decades in the workforce, folks were required to do repetitive work on a production line. Sadly, it didn’t give them many opportunities to work with their fellow workers, which means their need for teamwork was less.

However, most of today’s jobs require that you network with people both in and out of your profession. Collaborating with your fellow employees as well as those from other businesses makes you a better person. You can learn new things, share ideas, and watch the growth and successes multiply.

Almost every aspect of running a business requires people to have a diverse skill set. A company is only as strong as its weakest members, so it depends on the stronger ones to take the rookie under their wing and show them the ropes. As the old children’s song says, “When we all work together, how happy we’ll be.”

Doctors Explain the 10 Best Ways to Deal With Occasional Hangovers

November 24, 2021 by Chris Butler

Going to a party is very exciting, and most gatherings have some alcohol there for their guests to enjoy. When you’re having fun and a drink or two, you may ingest more than what your body can handle without realizing it. It seems that it goes down so quickly. But it only takes a few minutes before the true impact of that until hangovers take hold.

Hangovers are a sign of overindulgence. You can’t just call off work or forget the things you must do because of a little too much whiskey the night before. When your head is looming and you’re dealing with dizziness, you might live to regret the previous night’s decisions. Some lucky people never experience a hangover, but most will have some effect from overindulging.

Nine Common Signs of Hangovers

If you’ve ever had a hangover, you might think that the symptoms you experience are the same as someone else. However, you might be dizzy and nauseous while another person has muscle weakness and vomits. Here are the common signs of hangovers, and you can get one or all of them.

Nausea and vomiting
Dry mouth accompanied by excessive thirst
Headaches and muscle aches
Overall weakness
Shaky and unable to walk straight
Dizzy or Vertigo (Room spinning sensations)
Mood disturbances
Heart palpitations
Concentration issues

Tips for Preventing a Hangover

So, you know that you’re going to drink with your buddies; here are a few things you can do to prevent this unpleasant feeling the next day.

Don’t drink on an empty stomach; it only worsens things.
Try to stick to clear drinks like vodka and avoid caramel-colored whiskey or other dark liquors, as it tends to have a more dramatic effect on the body.
Please don’t drink too much, too fast, as it will catch up to you.
Eat and drink water along with your spirits.
Smoking and enjoying liquor together can cause stomach irritation.
Set a limit on how many drinks you know you can handle without getting sick.

Note that experts agree that the only 100% sure way to keep a hangover at bay is to avoid drinking. The measures listed here might limit the pain but are not a guarantee.

Nine Best Ways to Deal With Occasional Hangovers

While drinking in moderation can be perfectly acceptable, if you drink enough to be hungover the following day, you can cause some issues in your body. Did you know that too much liquor can cause you to become dehydrated?

If you keep this pattern up for too long, it can cause permanent damage to your liver, brain, and even your central nervous system. However, if you have this issue on occasion, here are nine ways to help your hangover.

1. Coffee

Coffee is known to help people stay alert and awake when they’re working long shifts, and it’s due to the vast caffeine content. The good news is that it’s an effective solution for a hangover too. How often have you heard someone say that they’re going to drink some coffee and sober up?

Be careful not to drink too much coffee as it can cause migraines, which is another issue you don’t want to handle. Try to get a mildly strong cup, or even an expresso will do. Most people who experience hangovers on occasion swear by coffee to help them get through the discomfort the next day.

Also, drinking coffee does not have science to back it up, although medical journals note that it’s worth a try if you are not sensitive to caffeine:

Caffeine (often taken as coffee) is commonly used to counteract the fatigue and malaise associated with the hangover condition. Although this traditional practice lacks scientific support, William Hickey, quoted at the beginning of this article, wrote that “very strong coffee proved of infinite benefit” (Spenser 1913).

2. Sleep Off Hangovers

Most people don’t get sufficient sleep after a night on the town, and rest is one of the best ways to combat drinking too much. If you were out at the club till 2 am, and you must be at work at 9 am, it doesn’t leave too much time for shut-eye. However, the Mayo Clinic advises that sleep is one thing you can do so that your body can rest and recover.

If you’re too sick, then you might need to call off work or cancel your plans for the day. It’s best to plan your night of fun when you don’t have to work the next day.

3. Flush Your System With H20

When you drink water, the body eliminates toxins through your kidneys. Did you know that liquor diminishes your water levels? So, when you drink water, you’re rehydrating what the spirits took away.

Liquor is a toxin, and if any of its impurities are left behind, then the water you flush through your system will get rid of them. Have you ever noticed that when you drink, you tend to urinate more? This increase stems from the fact that your body is trying to rid these liquids.

When you put more water into your system, it helps to flush the liquor out. If you become dehydrated when you drink spirits, you may notice dizziness and lightheadedness. Water will also take care of those feelings as it helps to rehydrate you.

4. Hair of the Dog

If you know anything about binge drinking, you know that it’s often said that you need the hair of the dog that bit you to deal with hangovers. However, do you know where this saying originated? According to Dictionary, in the olden days of England, when a person was bitten by a rabid dog, they would treat the person by taking the hair of the dog and placing it on the wound.

If you’re dealing with issues from whiskey, taking a little sip of the same thing that “bit you” helps cure the problem. The theory is that the same germ that got you the first time will relieve it the second time around. According to Healthtian, studies prove that taking a bit more liquor in after a night of binging can help raise endorphin levels in the body, making you feel better.

Though there’s not a lot of studies on this matter, many people swear by taking a “hair of the dog” the next day.

5. Vitamin C

Who doesn’t love a glass of orange juice? It may help with your hangover too. If you want to get rid of that foggy brain, then why not try some Vitamin C? According to the doctors at Harvard University, their research has proved that taking some essential vitamins before you start drinking can lessen the effects.

What vitamins do they recommend? Well, they say that you should try Vitamins B, C, and zinc. However, Vitamin C tends to be the one that helps the most when it comes to dealing with the pain of a hangover.

6. Eat Carbs for Hangovers

Did you know that when you’re drinking, it lowers your blood sugar levels? Part of the fatigue and headaches you experience can be due to compromised glucose. The problem is that many folks drink on an empty stomach, and they forget to eat when they become inebriated. So, eating something as simple as a piece of toast can help bring your blood sugar back into balance.

7. Eat Asparagus

Eating asparagus for a hangover may be the best-kept secret yet. This vegetable is beneficial because it’s full of minerals and amino acids that help your body repair its intoxicated state. It also reduces the toxicity of liquor in your blood. Since this is a vegetable with diuretic properties, it can help you flush these toxins from your system.

Nutritionist Serena Poon agrees that it might help. Citing a small study that shows promise for this remedy, she says the following:

“I would caution against using this research to justify over drinking, but if you do find yourself in a place where you are feeling unwell due to alcohol consumption, adding asparagus to your plate might make you feel a bit better. Also, there is no downside to eating asparagus, unless you have an allergy.”

8. Try Ginger to Ease Hangovers

If you have an upset stomach that comes along with your hangovers, then ginger may be beneficial. Ginger is known to have a profound effect on chemotherapy-induced vomiting, as per a study listed on the National Library of Medicine. Many holistic practitioners recommend using ginger to help with nausea associated with pregnancy, so it’s great for other stomach upsets too.

9. Sip Juice

The Mayo Clinic also notes that sipping juice is another option to help restore electrolytes and minerals in your body, which will make you feel better. Since your body loses a lot of water and electrolytes by frequent trips to the restroom, you need to restore those to bring everything back to normal.

Final Thoughts On Dealing With Occasional Hangovers

While this is just a list of the nine things used for hangovers, there are many more. You may need to try a few of these remedies before you find what works best for you. Some may work better for others than they do for you, as every system is different.

If you know that you’re going to be drinking, the best thing you can do is to use some preventative measures to avoid having a horrible hangover the next day. Remember, drink slow and don’t consume spirits on an empty stomach, as these are two of the worst things you can do.

6 Reasons Why You Should Stop Chasing People

November 24, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Is there someone you know you want in your life, but they’re not particularly interested? It could be anyone, like a distant or absent family member or even someone you have a crush on. It might even be a clique of people who you wish would be your friend. Whatever the case, you should stop chasing people who might reject your friendship.

But this is an effort already doomed to either fail or hurt you. It’s an endeavor that isn’t worth embarking on, no matter how badly you want those people in your life. Here are six reasons why you should stop chasing people.

1. When You Stop Chasing People, You’ll Have The Room For Good People In Your Life

If you focus all your energy on chasing someone, you miss the chance to use that energy on more positive people.

This is because:

You feel emotionally and mentally drained and can’t invest in relationships with anyone else.
You actively shut out the possibility of other relationships by only wanting one with the person you’re chasing.
Red flags stop looking red; you’re less likely to notice questionable behavior in other interactions.
You become more likely to lash out at those around you, driving the people who matter further away.
You’re not fully present when spending time with other people, as your mind is on that person you’re chasing.
You don’t get to enjoy the improved self-esteem and positive effects from healthy relationships, which furthers a destructive cycle.

This behavior can form a highly destructive cycle in your relationships. If you’ve ever wondered why people who leave toxic relationships often end up in more unhealthy bonds – well, this is why. You get used to putting in all this effort for nothing and lose sight of what authentic connections should be like.

Your self-esteem also tanks when you spend all your time chasing people. You’re used to not receiving anything positive in turn. This means you’re less likely to seek out other healthy relationships. You don’t even remember that you deserve those excellent bonds with others!

The people you have to chase are not people who deserve your time. Those who will be kind and good to you will not require any chasing down!

2. You Stop Wasting Time When You Quit Chasing People

Think about all the time you’re wasting on the person you’re chasing. There are so many valuable seconds you’re giving up in favor of someone who won’t return your energy! Instead of spending all your time chasing people who don’t want you in turn, you can use that time to:

Take up hobbies, classes, and seek out new experiences.
Spend time on your improvement and growth.
Dedicate yourself to valuable “me-time” for self-care and rest.

Nothing can be gained from all the resources you spend on making yourself acceptable to people. At the end of the day, “getting” the people you want in your life rarely pays off. You’ll often realize just how pointless all your spent energy was. If your time isn’t spent on something productive that makes you feel good?

3. You’ll Be Happier If You Stop Chasing People

Many people believe they’ll be happier once they finally get the person they’re chasing. But that’s not the case, because:

You build up an idealized idea of what life would be like when you “win” that person. Reality can’t live up to those expectations.
Your idea of the person you’re chasing becomes romanticized and incorrect.
It can serve as a foundation for unhealthy, codependent relationships, where one person’s happiness hinges to an extreme degree on the other.
You seek the validation of the people you chase instead of focusing on your self-esteem and self-respect.
Life never turns out happier when your entire universe centers around another person.
You become less authentic as a person in your effort to chase people and appeal to them, losing parts of yourself in the process.
You spend all your time focusing on what you don’t have and how rough you feel. This prevents you from being optimistic and focusing on gratitude and good things.

But here is the truth:

The truth is that we often convince ourselves that achieving specific goals will genuinely make us happy. You may have convinced yourself of that fact. But true happiness is something that comes from within. In reality, happiness is very much a personal choice, and it will never work if it’s so dependent on various factors like this.

Studies genuinely show that you can actively choose to be happy. Of course, factors like mental illnesses and mood disorders can affect this. But for the most part, deciding to be more comfortable will work way better when you make the personal effort to enjoy your life. Focusing on the person you don’t have is decidedly not the way to respect yourself enough to achieve that.

At the end of the day, if you chase people, you’re forming an unhealthy and toxic connection to them. The people who want to be around you will not make you run after them. No one’s happy in a toxic relationship, even if it’s one you thought you wanted.

4. You Can’t Change People Or Their Minds

There’s a toxic idea floating around that any single person is capable of “changing” another. The reality is that people are responsible for their actions. They are the only ones who can take steps to change their selves. There has to be a conscious decision on their part to do this.

No matter how much you chase someone, you cannot change their mind. They have already decided they don’t want to spend their time with you. If you try to convince them otherwise, even if they agree, there will always be a part of the interaction that isn’t authentic. Doing someone just for them isn’t the same as doing something because you want to do it for them.

The sooner you realize that you can’t change someone, the better. If they won’t accept you by switching, why are you changing yourself to chase them?

5. Stop Chasing After People, You’ll Be Healthier

We’ve already discussed the way that chasing people can often result in toxic relationships. And unhealthy relationships come with all sorts of terrible effects! Worse still, you don’t need to end up successfully “getting” someone to suffer from a poor bond.

People often think that the only bad “unhealthy relationships” are committed, long-term romantic ones. In reality, all forms of poor social connections, including familial and platonic ones, can negatively affect health. So even if your primary bond with someone is chasing them, that can be enough to trigger poor results. Here are some things that happen to your health when you’re in a poor relationship of any kind:

· Heart Disease

Research shows that those in poor relationships are at a higher risk of developing heart disease. This includes increased risks of fatal cardiac episodes. All the stress and tension from dealing with toxicity can be bad for you! This includes increasing your blood pressure, say other studies in long-term unhealthy dynamics.

· Increased Inflammation

You enter fight-or-flight when you’re in a stressful relationship – including one where you’re chasing someone. This worsens inflammation in your body. If you spend all your time chasing that person, this can become chronic, according to research, damaging your immunity.

· Shortened Lifespan

Your social relationships can have a significant effect on your overall lifespan. If you interact poorly with others, you’re cutting your life short, say studies. Since chasing someone distracts you from forming truly positive relationships, you’re putting yourself at risk in this context!

· Worsened Chronic Illness

If you deal with chronic illness, a bad relationship can worsen their symptoms, say studies. You’ll notice that you’re in more pain and have more trouble functioning just because of your poor interactions with others!

This isn’t even getting into the mental health effects of toxic relationships. Even just chasing someone forms an unhealthy dynamic, and that dynamic can already be fraught with:

High levels of anxiety as you worry about how they think of you or what they might want.
Sadness or even depression due to an inability to “get” the person you’re chasing.
Decreased self-esteem because this person’s disinterest in you affects your confidence.
Stress from the repeated strain in your relationship with that person.
Potential trauma from poor treatment if the relationship develops.

6. You Won’t Chase Something You Don’t Want

Have you ever seen an animal chasing after something that it thinks it wants? Consider a cat chasing a toy. They suddenly leave it once they have the toy because it’s only fun when it’s in motion. Or think about a dog that chases after a car. It doesn’t want to catch the vehicle! There’s nothing it can do with it, and the dog’s actions are putting it in danger!

The purpose of these metaphors is this. Sometimes, the momentum of chasing someone is what keeps you going. If you never stop to question what you’re doing and why you’ll keep going. Chasing someone can be surprisingly mindless for something that takes up so much of your time, effort, and energy!

Now, think about what you’ll do once you “get” this person. Consider this person’s actions and how they’ve treated you thus far. Don’t you think that this treatment will continue, even if they let themselves get “caught” by you? Don’t you have more self-respect than that? They’re disinterested now and’ll be disinterested when they stop running. Your bond will always be skewed.

Keep yourself grounded in reality. Do you know anything about this person you’re chasing? Do you truly know who they are? What will happen if they’re not like the idealized version of them that you have? Don’t chase after the idea of someone so much that you lose sight of the truth.

Final Thoughts On Some Reasons Why You Should Stop Chasing People

People are complex individuals. You can’t ever really honestly know what people are thinking and feeling. What you can know is your worth. Don’t diminish yourself or dull your shine so that you can chase other people. Remember that those who truly matter will not string you along, and they certainly won’t need to be pursued.

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