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9 Comebacks For Dealing With a Manipulator

March 19, 2016 by Power of Positivity

We’ve shared many articles dealing with the topic of dealing with a manipulator because we know that they can be amongst our midst any day, at any time.

Manipulators are easy to spot by how they make you feel. When you are in tune with your emotional state, you feel that tight-gut feeling that tells you to pay attention to the words and actions of the manipulative person you are dealing with.

As you read in a related article these are some classic signs that you’re dealing with a manipulator. A manipulator will do the following:

Put their needs before yours
Put their feelings before yours
Tell you what you need to do
Thrive on drama and high-emotions
Want you to feel bad about yourself

Here are some concrete comebacks to use for the next time you feel yourself being manipulated.

9 Comebacks for Dealing With A Manipulator

1. ‘I need you to ___.’

‘Stop insulting me and speak with kindness.’
‘Speak to me calmly.’
‘Take care of that yourself.’

When you begin by saying ‘I need’ to a manipulator, it is a powerful rejection of their tactics.

You are simultaneously saying ‘No’ to whatever the manipulator wants and you are replacing it with something that you want instead.

2. ‘No.’

‘No’ is a powerful word if you are able to use it alone. The problem is that ‘No’ is often followed by the reason that you are saying ‘No.’ You do not need to justify your ‘No’ to a manipulator.

3. ‘What is best for me right now is ___.’

This is another way to say what your needs are and reject the manipulator. When dealing with a manipulator, the best comeback is to focus on your own needs. You reject what the manipulator needs and replace it with your own needs.

4. ‘I reject your assessment of my emotional state.’

A manipulator will usually try to tell you how you feel. Do not allow them to dictate your emotions. You are in control of your emotional response.

The tactic of telling you how you feel is used by a manipulator to get you to respond defensively with anger, fear or sadness.

You always have a choice to be positive, happy and joyful, even when you are dealing with a manipulative person.

5. ‘I am a valuable person.’

Manipulators feed on people with low self-esteem. The problem is that a manipulator also has low self-esteem so they will seek out others who they can control by attempting to reduce their self-worth with insults.

If you are able to stay strong in the face of a manipulator by validating your own self-worth, you show them that you cannot be controlled.

6. ‘You need to calm your emotional state before I will talk with you.’

Another good statement is ‘Let’s take some time so that our emotions can cool down before we try to solve this.’ Your goal is to reduce the anger/fear/sadness that is coming from the manipulator before you engage with them.

As we mentioned in 8 Signs Your Partner is Trying to Control You, someone who thrives on drama will start a confrontation with an extreme emotional state. Control the desire to respond to an attack with an attack and your manipulator will be deflated by your comeback.

7. ‘Your behavior is unacceptable.’

This statement is the truth. If you feel manipulated, then someone is violating your boundaries. That kind of behavior is unacceptable.

You may recall that we talked about How to Spot a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing in a previous article. Manipulators are like predators feeding on easy prey.

8. ‘You must be feeling pretty low to lash out at me that way. Do you want to talk about your emotions?”

This is one of the most supportive things you can say to a manipulator. The statement demonstrates your recognition of their anger/sadness/fear and the question demonstrates your openness to helping them.

Low self-esteem is a classic sign of a narcissistic personality. Read our article 5 Signs You’re in a Relationship With a Narcissist for more information on handling these people.

9. Say nothing at all.

Manipulators thrive on drama. If they can get you worked up and angry/fearful/sad, they think they have won. Stay calm, manage your breathing, and focus on your body. Feel the sensation of tightness in your chest, shoulders, neck and stomach.

Try to relax those muscles as you make eye contact with your manipulator.

This can be very difficult for some people. Facing an angry person with calmness is infuriating for the manipulator.

They may lash out with even more anger.

Resist the urge to engage with them. Your manipulator will quickly learn that they are not able to change your emotions and they will move on to another target that is easier.

10 Critical Things You Should Never Tolerate In A Relationship

March 18, 2016 by Sarah Barkley

Whether it is romantic or not, your relationship should make you feel excited and happy about life, not stifled, repressed, or unloved. Many people stay in unhappy relationships because they fear being alone or can’t picture their life without the person, even if their current situation doesn’t truly fulfill them anymore.

Everyone deserves respect, compassion, and love in relationships, but if you don’t feel like your partner gives those to you, you might want to rethink your relationship with them.

Here are ten critical things you should never tolerate in a relationship:

1. Disrespectful language

First and foremost, a healthy relationship begins with respect for both individuals. You should never tolerate someone who calls you names, puts you down or makes you feel uncomfortable in any way. Even if you have a heated argument, it doesn’t give your partner the right to treat you with disrespect just because they can’t control their language.

How to Fix It

To overcome disrespectful language in your relationship, start by identifying it and admitting that it’s a problem. Once you’ve identified the disrespect, calmly talk to your partner about the issue and how it makes you feel. Then, ask them why they behave that way.

By asking your partner why they react disrespectfully, it forces them to think about their negative behavior. As they become more aware of their demeanor and attitude, they develop better habits.

Even after you express your thoughts and feelings, you can’t just assume they will change. Make sure you ask for the change so that they know you won’t tolerate that behavior anymore. You also must remember that you must respect your partner if you want respect in return.

2. An overly controlling partner

If you have a partner who can’t let you out of their sight without freaking out or thinking you’ll break their trust, then this should raise some red flags. It would help if you never tolerated someone who feels the need to control every aspect of your life and your relationship. According to an article on psychologytoday.com, Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., says,

“Toxic relationships can sneak up on almost anyone. And controlling behavior on the part of a partner knows no boundaries—people of any age, gender, sexual orientation or socioeconomic status can be in controlling relationships, playing either role.”

How to Fix It

Pay attention to which areas of your life your partner try to control. Sometimes, it might not be all areas of your life, but only certain areas that make them uncomfortable. Once you’ve had time to think about it, communicate the problem with your partner.

Your partner might be unaware of the situation, and calmly explaining what you have noticed can change things for the better.

You can also make a deliberate effort to make more decisions. Decide for yourself what you want to do, and take a stand when you want to do something different than your partner.

3. A breach of trust

In addition to respect, mutual trust must exist in a relationship for it to thrive. If you can’t trust your partner, you should either talk to them about it or end the relationship before you get in too deep. Both partners must feel comfortable, open, and supported in the relationship to work, and a lack of trust will kill an otherwise healthy relationship.

How to Fix It

When your romance gets hit by betrayal or another breach of trust, you can still move forward with your partner. Start by figuring out and talking about what caused the broken trust, even if it is an uncomfortable topic. Then, with a new perspective, think about any underlying issues that must be addressed and handled.

If both of you are willing to restore the trust and rebuild your relationship, you can repair what you once had. The upset partner will need time to process their feelings, reassurance, and the offending partner to take responsibility. It’s also a beneficial idea to seek professional relationship help together.

4. Incessant neediness

Of course, feeling wanted and needed in a relationship is normal, but it can go overboard if you’re not careful. Most people enjoy having a partner that asks them for help with certain things or needs a hug or a shoulder to cry on sometimes. However, these things are perfectly normal – what isn’t normal, however, is an overly clingy, needy partner who can’t seem to do anything without you. It’s important to feel like you can live independently without your SO around 24/7, so a partner who doesn’t display any independence should be a red flag to you.

How to Fix It

Developing a healthier romance requires that each partner remains a separate person with their own needs and desires. Working together to identify each of your strengths will get you started as you work to overcome neediness. Avoid criticism or harsh words, as this process can cause vulnerability before it gets better.

Talk with your partner and make sure you’re both doing things to take care of yourself. Do something you enjoy separately, and spend time doing it while the other partner does their activity. You can also communicate your needs with your partner and ask them to tell you theirs, as well.

5. Feeling like you don’t come first

While other essential parts of life outside of relationships, your partner should prioritize you over other things. If they hang out with friends more than you, for example, that shows they don’t take the commitment very seriously. Never tolerate someone who doesn’t take the time to make you feel special – you deserve someone who will treat you like the king or queen you are.

How to Fix It

To overcome feeling like you don’t come first, start by communicating your feelings to your partner. Tell them how they aren’t making you feel valued and that you want to find ways to be more involved in their life.

Meeting one another’s family and friends is a beneficial place to start, and it shows commitment and priority while helping you respect your partner. You can also try being enthusiastic about your partner’s interest so that they know you want to be involved in their life.

Ask your partner to express their feelings on this matter, too. Talking about it will make it easier to address and overcome the issue. With open communication, you will both want to prioritize one another.

6. Negativity

Of course, negativity will be a part of any relationship in life, but it shouldn’t take precedence over a positive attitude. A negative outlook on life will translate into negative thoughts, and ultimately, a negative mind. People who focus on the negative tend to have low energy, blame others for their problems, and in general, won’t be the most fun, inspiring people to hang around. Don’t ever settle for someone who displays such negativity about life – it will only drag you down in the process.

How to Fix It

Too much negativity can be devastating to your relationship, so work on changing your thinking pattern. As you become more positive, it will influence your partner to focus on positivity, too.

Start by being aware of negative self-talk and switching your thought process with mindfulness and positive affirmations. Practice gratitude often, keep an open mind and look for any reason to smile or laugh. You can also become more positive by eating healthy foods, exercising, helping others, and practicing forgiveness.

While you can’t force your partner to be positive, you can influence and encourage. Don’t overreact or take their negativity personally, and recognize their accomplishments. You can also help them have fun regularly and try new things.

7. Emotional unavailability

Your partner should be emotionally available; otherwise, you won’t have a successful relationship with them. If they feel insecure or shy about displaying emotions, they probably have deep-seated issues to work out before they can partake in a healthy, thriving relationship.

How to Fix It

When you recognize emotional unavailability, start asking more questions to encourage your partner to share their emotions. As they become more comfortable with this type of intimacy, it will become more natural to them, helping them open up.

You can also ask them why they seem unavailable so that you can understand their mindset better. With understanding, you can learn to address the issue and overcome barriers. Even talking about the problem in this way can help your partner open up a little more.

You can’t change your partner’s emotions, so don’t assume their emotional unavailability is your fault. Keep encouraging them and remain emotionally available to them as you work to overcome this obstacle.

8. A partner who doesn’t listen

Both of you should feel comfortable talking honestly and openly to each other. If your partner regularly talks over you or makes you feel like your opinion or thoughts don’t matter, this means they don’t value you as a person. And you should never tolerate this sort of behavior in a relationship.

How to Fix It

It’s frustrating when your partner doesn’t listen, but being compassionate and understanding can help. If your partner gets defensive or needs to make a point every time you say something, point it out to them. They might not realize that they do it, and pointing it out can help them consciously focus on listening.

You can also try asking your partner when it is a better time to talk without interruptions. If they are busy or in the middle of something else, it might be hard to give you their undevoted attention. Therapists also recommend asking your spouse to repeat what you said so that you know they heard you.

9. Someone who doesn’t support your dreams

Your partner should also back you 150% when it comes to your dreams and goals. It would be best if you never tolerated someone who gets jealous or tries to undermine your success – a truly supportive partner will encourage you and help you every step of the way.

How to Fix It

If your partner doesn’t support your dreams, you can still pursue them and respect your partner simultaneously. Communicate to your partner how you feel when talking about your goals, and ask them not to diminish that emotion. Asking this of your partner can prevent hurt feelings and heated arguments over the matter.

More importantly, try to understand where their lack of support comes from. Consider whether your partner is fearful, worried, or doubtful, and then ask questions to further your understanding. Once you know their thoughts on your dreams, ask them to trust your decisions and goals.

10. Irresponsibility

Finally, it would be best if you never tolerated a partner who isn’t willing to pick up the slack and take care of business. Adult responsibilities aren’t fun by any means. Still, they should at least take care of the minimum amount of chores and responsibilities needed for survival and not depend on you to do all the dirty work.

How to Fix It

Your partner must be responsible for their role in your romance. You shouldn’t have to carry it all alone, and irresponsibility is a sign of immaturity. The first step to overcoming irresponsibility in your relationship is to speak up calmly and sternly.

Tell your partner that you expect them to uphold their end of the commitment. Be specific and let them know if you’re talking about finances, child care, or household tasks.

As you approach this subject, spend some time self-reflecting, too. If you’ve been over-functioning in your romance so far, your partner might be irresponsible because they are used to you doing it all. Make sure you are letting go of some responsibility so that your partner has an opportunity to step up.

Final Thoughts on the Things You Should Never Tolerate in a Relationship

While there are things you should never tolerate in a relationship, there are ways to fix the issues. You don’t have to throw away the entire romance without trying other methods first.

Remember, no one is perfect, and we are all growing and developing each day. Be compassionate and understanding as you work with your partner to maintain a healthy situation. a

Sometimes all it takes is communication to get your partner going down a different path. Other times, you might need to set the example and change your mindset to influence them. Either way, if the relationship is crucial to you, there are ways to fix it.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

10 Reasons Single-Tasking Is Better Than Multitasking

March 18, 2016 by Power of Positivity

In a society that places an incredible amount of emphasis on multitasking, it can be difficult to justify to ourselves the benefit of doing one thing at a time. First off, many traditional working environments don’t provide the structure to single-task. Business offices, now more than ever, utilize computers and networks that implement instant messaging, email, and other “productivity” tools. Since we spend a disproportionate amount of time at the office, it is easy to allow these habits to sink in.

“The quickest way to do many things is to do one thing at a time.” – Christopher Westra

Multitasking actually encompasses three different types:

Performing two or more tasks simultaneously.
Switching back and forth from one task to another.
Performing a number of tasks in rapid succession.

While these behaviors may appear completely fine, multitasking is actually a disadvantage. To be clear, it is possible to multi-project, that is, to work on multiple projects. As long as we’re consciously approaching each project in a “task-by-task” manner, we can still be very productive. However, many of us are still quite inept at working on one thing at a time.

Some of us may not quite be convinced that single-tasking is better, and that’s okay. We’re going to break down why single-tasking is a better approach to both our work and our personal lives. Yes, we can implement the tenets of single-tasking effectively into our personal lives – with family, prayer/spirituality, reading, meditation, and a host of other activities.

So, why is single-tasking better than multitasking? Here are 10 reasons:

1. Single-tasking conserves energy

Our brains consume more energy than any other part of our body. When we single-task, we wholly direct our attention to the task. Multitasking is more taxing on the brain’s energy reserves because we constantly shift attention. Our short-term memory also benefits because we’re not continuously attempting to remember where we left off, and on what task. This added benefit also helps to keep our energy levels up.

2. Single-tasking improves productivity

Simply put, the human brain is not designed to multitask. Studies have consistently shown the performance benefits of directing our attention spotlight onto one thing and one thing only. When researchers from Harvard, Stanford and the University of London were polled, they all stated that productivity can be reduced by as much as 40 percent.

3. Single-tasking increases commitment

When we single-task, we are laser-focused on what’s in front of us and nothing else. What does this enhanced focus do? For one, it establishes specific patterns of behavior in the brain. A sense of commitment is forged, as single-tasking obliges us to perform one task at a time. To single-task requires us to stand firm in our choices and commit to executing excellently.

4. Single-tasking promotes self-discipline

Building upon the commitment benefits of single-tasking, self-discipline is manifested through conscious, committed effort. Distractions, no matter how pleasant they may seem at the time, cause us to “give in” to them. When we “give in,” we effectively hand over our self-control. It’s quite simple, really. One builds self-control through single-tasking, and self-control is the sibling of self-discipline.

5. Single-tasking strengthens us against distractions

If we pay attention, it is quite easy to spot people being distracted. No matter if it’s the adult driver who texts on the highway, or the co-worker constantly heading to the break room. There’s no getting around the fact that people are slaves to distracting thoughts. When we practice single-tasking, we’re no longer subject to this behavior. We’ve build an impenetrable wall that refuses to give in to internal or external interruptions.

6. Single-tasking improves our attention span better than multitasking

This should go without saying, but single-tasking is the aphrodisiac to attention. Yes, it is a requirement to single-task for a certain period of time before we obtain noticeable improvements to attention, but it’s better than the alternative. Consider this: according to the National Center for Biotechnology Information at the U.S. National Library of Medicine, the average attention of a human is eight seconds. Eight seconds. We can change that statistic.

7. Single-tasking makes us happier

The problem with today’s culture is that society expects us to be busy all the time. Look at people on the highway – they’re cutting each other on their commute into work. What does that tell us? In all seriousness, we can apply single-tasking of our lives and can become happier. We’ll get maximum enjoyment out of time with family, with that coveted book, or in our own self-reflection if we’re willing to devote ourselves to the practice of single-tasking.

8. Single-tasking improves our communication

How many of us are guilty of mentally disappearing mid-conversation *raises hand*? Yeah, this is a near-universal trait. However, when we practice single-tasking, we not only give our full attention to another person (an admirable and respectable trait), we also are more in-tune with our thoughts. The end result is an individual who is thoughtful, respectful, and present – all necessary components for one to be an effective communicator.

9. Single-tasking improves our relationships

Really, what is more important than our personal and professional relationships? Not much at all. Here’s a brutal truth. At one time or another, one or more relationships see negative impacts from multitasking. Picture the parent rushing home and brushing off their children because of work or something else, or the salesman who neglects to call an important customer. Get the idea? It happened in the past. But you can prevent it with a commitment to single-tasking. Not only that but imagine the fruitfulness and enjoyment of our relationships if we commit.

10. Single-tasking gives us an advantage

Finally, single-tasking is a huge advantage – professionally, personally, spiritually, and in other domains. Single-tasking is one of those remarkable skills that can positively impact nearly every part of our daily lives. Indeed, we would all be remiss if we didn’t ask ourselves: “What can single-tasking do for me?”

8 Negative Emotions Happy People Avoid

March 17, 2016 by Power of Positivity

People who are genuinely happy most of the time are a conundrum to those who are not. Taken a step further, people with a positive disposition can be annoying to those who do not possess such a disposition.

The human brain is an enigmatic entity, one that even the brilliant minds struggle to understand. We still can’t explain the origin of thoughts, regardless if we know what produces them. Put another way: we know that the brain makes us aware of thoughts, but not a single person knows exactly where these thoughts come from.

One thing that scientists (and most others) do understand is that the brain is a creature of habit – it has a way of repeating itself. This is a benefit when those thoughts are positive and a hindrance when thoughts are negative.

The good news is that we can learn to be happier people if we make a conscious effort. The key words here are conscious effort. Not a single person can expect to alter their disposition, personality, outlook, etc., without first having a plan. One important component of such a plan is to know what not to do. Emotions play a key role in this respect – happy and unhappy people both have emotions, they are just of a different variety.

“All emotions are pure which gather you and life you up; that emotion is impure which seizes only one side of your being and so distorts you.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

Here are 8 negative emotions that happy people avoid:

1. Happy People Avoid Impulsiveness

Happy people recognize that being impulsive can bring about an array of troubles. When one is impulsive they are more likely to overspend, overeat, lash out, become angry, and generally make bad decisions. On the other hand, when one is thoughtful, it becomes much easier to avoid harmful actions. Of all the negative consequences being impulsive brings about, the most injurious effect is the damage it beings to relationships. Happy people recognize that a particularly harmful word or deed can hurt someone, sometimes irreparably.

2. Envy

It’s very difficult, if not impossible, to be content with current circumstances when wishing for someone else’s. Genuinely happy people are appreciative and grateful for what they have, rather than what they could have. At its core, envy is a manifestation of unhappiness. Oppositely, being grateful and appreciative is an indicator of happiness. We’d all be better served if we chose the latter…just ask happy people.

3. Jealousy

Some people think that envy and jealousy are the same…they are not. Envy, as counterproductive of an emotion as it is, doesn’t usually correspond with betrayal or outrage as jealousy does. Simply put: enviousness occurs when we lack a desired attribute of someone else. Jealously is reacting to the perceived threat of losing someone. It goes without saying that happy people aren’t jealous often, if at all.

4. Happy People Don’t Engage in Revenge

Revenge invokes harmful emotions and contributes absolutely nothing. In the short-term, thoughts or feelings of harming someone else – physically, emotionally, or in any other way – can bring about a sense of satisfaction. Carrying out such, however, often leaves much to be desired. After all, we can’t control what other people do, only how we choose to respond to what people do. Happy people don’t carry around this extra baggage.

5. Superstition

To be clear, this is not a criticism of spirituality or religion. Instead, the thought process here is that relying on something, anything to fulfill us is often bears little fruit. Happy people realize that each individual inhabits the potential to create their own happiness. Don’t allow superstition to dictate what is or is not possible. Don’t give away your power.

6. Fear

It’s human nature to be fearful once in a while. To say “don’t fear anything” is, frankly, a stupid and irresponsible piece of advice. The appropriate advice is to not let fear take control. Some of the happiest people in the world have taken risks that would’ve scared the daylights out of most of us. Yet, their positive outlook on life enabled them to march right through that fear. They refused to be denied what was rightfully theirs.

7. Hostility

Hatred, hostility, spitefulness – call it whatever – are pointless emotions. Not only are they pointless, they’re counterproductive. What does having negative thoughts or feelings towards someone or something accomplish? Stress, exhaustion, guilt, and often times, shame. Think of all the expended energy! Now think of what that energy could be used for. This reason, among others, is why we won’t witness manifestations of hostility from most happy people.

8. Happy People Reject Unacceptance

Happy people are generally very accepting and loving individuals. Bitter, resentful people are generally the ones making the effort to exclude people. If we can’t at the very least accept each person as an individual, what kind of hope is there? Here’s an interesting exercise: think of the happiest people in your life. Got it? Now, think about how they treat people. Odds are, these folks are accepting and loving individuals towards most.

6 Signs You’ve Found Your Perfect Match

March 16, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Are you a hopeless romantic to believe in finding your perfect match, or does that make you a hopeful romantic? You have a yearning for finding your perfect match, that one person who will complete you, even if you haven’t yet met them. In some cases, you might have even met them already, but just need some signs you’ve found the one.

We usually think of romantic movies when we think about finding the perfect love. In fact, movies help us define our romantic ideals. In one study, researchers found that watching romantic movies significantly predicted that a person believed in a perfect mate for everyone. People who watched romantic comedies reported stronger beliefs in an ideal romantic partner than those who did not watch romantic movies.

Another study showed that believing that one’s partner was Mr. or Mrs. Right was associated with having a happier relationship. When participants’ beliefs about their relationships were challenged by the researchers, those who believed that their partner was their soulmate were more likely to express relationship protecting thoughts than others.

If you are wondering if your partner and you are a perfect match that was meant to be, here are some signs that you’re right for each other.

6 Signs You’ve Met Your Perfect Match

1. You’ll never be the same person you were before you met your perfect match

“A true soulmate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.” – Eat, Pray, Love

You experienced a major change in your identity when you met your partner. Maybe it was meeting them that inspired you to change, or you made a decision to be different because of them.

You used to have casual partners but that’s in the past now. You used to go out all night with your friends. But you haven’t done that since finding your perfect match. You used to believe that you’d never change for someone, but now you can see why others become different when they’ve met their One.

2. Your soulmate makes you a better person

“You make me want to be a better man.” – As Good As It Gets

Among the other signs you’ve found your perfect match is that they challenge you to continuously improve yourself and the world around you. You both want the same things in life and you have inspiring, exciting plans for how you will contribute to future generations.

3. Your connection to your perfect match is more than physical

“You’re everything I never knew I always wanted” – Fools Rush In

When you think of your ideal partner, the one you have no problem calling “everything I’ve ever imagined,” you feel overwhelming love for them flowing through you. You feel so full of love and joy that you have to express your feelings before they burst out of you. You connect with them on an intimate level that has little to do with sex, one of the surefire signs you’ve found your perfect match.

The intimacy is great, of course, because you respect each other and you can sense your soulmate’s needs. But beyond that, you are joined mentally and spiritually in deep, meaningful ways. Read our article on 5 Signs You’re in a Spiritually Intimate Relationship to learn more about these connections and find out more about perfect match signs.

4. Being apart only makes the reunion better

“I think I’d miss you even if we’d never met.” – The Wedding Date

Separation is not a problem for either of you. You trust each other to not stray out of the boundaries of the relationship while you’re apart, another one of the obvious signs you’ve found your perfect match.

You also know that the pain and loneliness while you’re apart will only make you more happy to see your perfect match again. Your reunion will make sparks fly, because upon finding them, the world forever changed.

5. You feel like you know everything about each other

“What’s a soulmate?…It’s one person who knew you, accepted you and believed in you before anyone else did or when no one else would.” – Dawson’s Creek

Upon meeting your perfect match, it was as if you had known each other before. There was something familiar, and every thought you had about how to find your perfect match melted away when you saw the comfort and safety of home in their eyes. If you had a menu of the traits that you would ask for in a mate, you couldn’t have asked for more.

When one soul finds its’ match, the connection can feel so unreal that you wonder if you had a past life together and were reborn again to find each other once more. The fates must have aligned to bring you a love that was right for you, a surefire sign you’ve found your soulmate once again.

6. You make a power couple

“I want all of you, forever, you and me every day.” – The Notebook

Another one of the signs you’ve found your perfect match is that you are stronger with them than apart, and the two of you could conquer the world if you wanted to. Think of other inspiring power couples that you see in business, Hollywood and politics. That’s you and the one you call “my soulmate.”

You can sense that you have an impact on others just by the display of intimate connection that you exude when you are in public. Your friends want to know where to find a match like yours, and if your partner has a brother or sister who is single. They want what you’ve got, and why wouldn’t they? Finding the perfect match may be a rare occurrence, but it feels like coming home, and that’s what everyone wants.

10 Reasons Women Leave the Men They Love

March 16, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Love has no judgment, agenda, bias, or bigotry. Love is love without a concrete definition. It lets go of boundaries, walls, and inhibitions. It is effortless. In relationships, love does require work. But it’s meant to be a rhythmic dance of ease and grace. Unfortunately, the relationship often ends disastrously when it isn’t an easy dance. Those moments create reasons for women to leave, and they ask, “What happened?”

Sometimes it will be the man who does the leaving, and sometimes it will be the woman. Other times, it will be a mutual decision. The most challenging part of a breakup, though, often involves unanswered questions. If you are a man concerned about the love of your life, you don’t want to be left asking, “What happened”?

10 Reasons Women Leave Men…Even When They’re Still in Love

Here are ten reasons women leave the men they love:

1. They feel alone.

A woman needs to feel that she matters. If her man is not there to support her, she has no reason to continue a relationship. Women are nurturers and because of this, when they are in a relationship, they focus their entire being on the man they love. By contrast, men tend to detach quickly when they get comfortable (even in a relationship).

The noise is deafening for a woman dealing with the loneliness of being with someone not emotionally present. She might wake up one day and realize she does not deserve that feeling of worthlessness that keeps coming up through the avoidance she feels. When love and attention is not reciprocated, a woman will realize she does not need to stay in that relationship.

2. They are not being acknowledged.

Nothing is more hurtful to a woman than feeling you are not fully present when she speaks. Words move a woman. She needs to feel understood, accepted, respected, and supported. When she is conversing with her mate, it is because she needs to feel a connection with him. Women love simple communication in a relationship; this communication is synonymous with love.

Another way to acknowledge the woman in your life is by acting with chivalry. Taking out the garbage, doing the laundry, or acknowledging her presence and needs is exceptional in a relationship. If a woman feels she is being taken for granted, she will move on, holding her hurt heart closely to herself.

3. They no longer feel sexy.

Men are sexual creatures. When they want sex, they are ready. A woman, on the other hand, needs intimacy. She might crave foreplay, which can provide the feeling of being completely desired by her man. Routine is the kiss of death. A woman wants spontaneity; she craves to be romanced.

In many ways, women live in their minds. Therefore, when a man is only being stimulated by porn or other women or wants to have a release, a woman will be completely turned off. There is a moment in a woman’s life when she realizes that if her man doesn’t desire her, or make her feel special (in and out of bed), it’s time to move on.

4. There is a significant life change.

Midlife hits everyone differently. Most women do not require a new car or fancy clothes. At the same time, they need to know they are sexy and wanted by their men. Menopause starts to creep into the picture, and what was once easily tolerated is no longer. Life changes. Children leave for college; a parent needs full-time care, financial stress is present. Women might experience a life-changing difficulty, such as overcoming cancer or some other illness, which serves as a reset button that pushes the men out of their lives.

A woman must know she can navigate these changes with strength and dignity alongside her man. When she feels no support, a woman quickly reorganizes her life, including moving on from her current relationship.

5. Women don’t like someone predictable.

Men fall into comfortable routines. The older they get, the less they want to participate in anything that is not about them. This is also why some men go through a massive midlife crisis.

Women need serendipitous moments. They need to know that they matter. Even a small note on a coffee mug is enough to bring appreciation into a relationship. Familiarity is not something that feels good in midlife; it feels boring. To a woman, a man is not a fixture. He is a companion. She wants to feel that she is the same to the man in her life.

6. Their man is not physically there.

Women tolerate a lot, but having a man who cares more about being out and about is a definite “no-no!” In today’s world of feminism, a woman doesn’t need a man to care for her. She needs a partner who will work alongside her and appreciate her presence. When a man is more interested in spending time anywhere but with her, she will cut him loose. It might take time, but the longer she postpones it, the worse it is. She knows it is over when she feels no spiritual or intellectual connection.

Women have evolved in our society. The “need” to have a man is surpassed by a “desire” to share his life. Without love, appreciation, touch, spiritual connection, intellectual stimulation, or presence, a woman will likely choose independence. Women work just as hard as men. Tolerating a companionship that is not stimulating is no longer on the agenda; it’s a reality check that it is time to move on.

“Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake & help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling for.” ~ Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass

7. They don’t feel prioritized.

Everyone needs to feel valued, and a woman is no exception. She has to know that she comes first in her man’s life, and his actions must reflect this. It’s not just about verbal assurances but consistent behavior that shows she is at the top of his priority list. It could be as simple as dropping everything to listen to her after a tough day, or carving out quality time to spend with her. If a woman consistently feels she’s second to work, friends, hobbies, or even the football game, she may decide she deserves someone who will put her first.

8. They feel the relationship lacks growth.

Women appreciate growth and evolution within a relationship. They seek a connection that expands and deepens over time, leading to a shared understanding, mutual goals, and a life lived together in harmony. If a relationship is stagnant and she feels stuck in the same routine daily, she might question her future with her man. Love alone may not sustain a long-term partnership without continual growth and evolution. She may seek this growth elsewhere if she feels the relationship is not advancing or enriching her life.

9. They feel unheard.

While it might seem similar to being unacknowledged, feeling unheard is a deeper issue. Women want their opinions, desires, and feelings to be acknowledged and valued, not just heard. They want their partners to validate their emotions and consider their views in all decisions that affect them. Suppose a woman continually feels her voice isn’t valued in the relationship, or that her opinions are dismissed or belittled. In that case, she may eventually decide to leave, even if she loves her partner. No one wants to stay in a relationship where they feel their voice does not matter.

10. They don’t feel safe.

Safety is a primal need for everyone, beyond physical safety for women. Emotional safety is a must in any relationship. Women want a man who creates a safe space where they can express their feelings, dreams, and fears without judgment or rejection. If a woman feels she is walking on eggshells, unable to express her true self out of fear of ridicule, anger, or indifference from her man, she will eventually decide to leave. She yearns for a partner fostering a sense of safety, understanding, and acceptance.

Final Thoughts on the Reasons Women Leave Men They Truly Love

The complexities of human emotions and relationships are boundless and cannot be encapsulated for a few reasons. Yet, a common thread that connects these reasons for why women might leave men they love is the fundamental need for emotional connection, acknowledgment, and respect.

Women are individuals who are uniquely attuned to their emotional well-being. They yearn for intimacy that goes beyond physical attraction, craving intellectual stimulation, emotional validation, and personal growth. When they don’t receive these from their partners, it is hurtful and depletes their sense of self-worth.

It’s essential for men to understand that loving a woman involves more than just saying, “I love you.” It involves active listening, appreciation, prioritizing her needs, and ensuring her emotional safety. It means nurturing growth in the relationship, validating her feelings, and ensuring she feels heard and valued.

Of course, everyone deserves fulfilling, respectful, and supportive relationships. If a woman decides to leave a man she loves, it’s not because she enjoys it. Instead, she understands that her happiness, self-worth, and emotional health are paramount.

Leaving is not an act of selfishness but an act of self-love. It’s a difficult decision after long contemplation, self-doubt, and hurt. It’s about recognizing the difference between loving someone and being happy with them and that sometimes, you need to let go of the former to achieve the latter.

Love is not a one-size-fits-all formula, but a complex dance that requires emotional intelligence, patience, understanding, and constant nurturing. It is about appreciating the woman in your life for the unique person that she is and ensuring that her physical and emotional needs are being met. So, if you genuinely love a woman, show her that daily – through your actions, words, understanding, and patience. Love is not just a feeling, but an action that commands nurturing.

90 Year Old Woman Refuses Chemo. What She Did Next Is The Best EVER

March 16, 2016 by Power of Positivity

Norma is 90-years-old this year, and has suffered her fair share of tragedy and heartbreak. Just last year, her husband of 67 years passed away, and just days after, doctors found a deadly, cancerous mass in her uterus, and told her she had to undergo chemo to have any chance of survival.

However, instead of undergoing chemo, she decided to take a totally different path that would allow her to live out her days to the fullest.

Instead of choosing cancer treatment, which would have involved major surgeries, several rounds of radiation and chemo, and a whole lot of pain, Norma just decided to leave and explore the vast world around her.

She checked out of the hospital and said goodbye to all her friends at the nursing home, and then, with all her closest family members, hit the wide open road in an RV camper.

For the past six months, they’ve been traveling the country, going to national parks and discovering beautiful new places.

Keep on reading below to hear more about Norma’s inspiring story, and view photos of her global adventures!

90-year-old quits cancer treatment to travel world

Facebook/DrivingMissNorma

So, going backwards a bit, doctors told Norma she’d need chemo and radiation therapy to get rid of the cancerous mass in her uterus. They asked her what she’d like to do moving forward.

Already feeling exhausted with the whole process, Norma paused for a moment, and looked the doctor in the eyes to give her answer.

“I’m 90 years old. I’m hitting the road.”

Facebook/DrivingMissNorma

She had already informed her son, daughter-in-law, and the rest of her family about the decision she would make.

No one – not the doctors, her family, or anyone else – could deter her from following her heart and refusing chemo to explore the world!

Facebook/DrivingMissNorma

“As doctors, we see what cancer treatment looks like everyday,” one of Norma’s doctors told GoodNewsNetwork.

“ICU, nursing homes, awful side effects and honestly, there is no guarantee she will survive the initial surgery to remove the mass. [She is] doing exactly what I would do in this situation.”

So the doctor felt happy for Norma about her decision, and wished her all the best on her trip.

Facebook/DrivingMissNorma

At first, Norma’s family felt uneasy about her decision to leave the nursing home behind and refuse the cancer treatment. They also didn’t want her to travel alone, so they decided to accompany her on her adventures.

Facebook/DrivingMissNorma

For the past six months, Norma and her family have been exploring the U.S. in an RV, visiting beautiful sites and going to places they’ve never been before. They’ve even gone to other countries, including China!

Fortunately, Norma feels no pain from the cancer, and believes she might actually be in remission.

Facebook/DrivingMissNorma

So far, Norma and her family have gone to several national parks, the Rocky Mountains, New Orleans, and have even participated in a Native American ceremony.

Norma also took a ride in a hot air balloon over central Florida, and got to take in the stunning views!

Facebook/DrivingMissNorma

Although she has been through so much in life, she displays so much positivity and gratitude in her everyday life.

“Keep praying every day, and God will take care of you, even when it feels like you can’t care of yourself,” she told GoodNewsNetwork.

Facebook/DrivingMissNorma

She says that talking about the days gone by can really help to maintain a good attitude about life.

“Storytelling is really, really helpful,” she said, advising everyone to talk about the good times.

“I’m pleased to know that I can be an inspiration to so many,” she added after finding out that her Facebook page has drawn so many followers to read her story.

Facebook/DrivingMissNorma

Her final piece of advice for us? “Just keep on going every day, that’s about it.”

Visit Norma’s Facebook page for regular updates on her travels!

8 Signs Your Spirit Guide Is Trying To Contact You

March 16, 2016 by Power of Positivity

We arrive in this world with our own assignments. We also have a spirit guide, or spirit guide committed to making sure we don’t deviate too far from our highest good. Sometimes your spirit guide whispers a word, conjuring a thought and idea, while other times it screams through many different signs. There are no coincidences. Pay attention to repetition in things. Be open to witnessing the signs through serendipity and synchronicity. This is your guide desperately trying to connect with you.

Here are 8 signs your spirit guide is trying to contact you:

1. A passage through words.

Your spirit guide may use written material to get a message to you. Have you ever read a sentence and it brought you into tears? You find yourself needing to highlight the passage and doggy ear it in a book or magazine. When you ask for guidance, spirit guides love to provide them through something that will emotionally move you. Words are powerful. They are the greatest source of communication. Have you ever asked for something and then you see a bumper sticker or a billboard sign with your answer? Words force you to stop for a second and truly recollect.

2. White feathers.

Have you found white feathers in the most unusual of places? This is a beautiful token from your spirit guide. These delicate and lovely gifts are known as your guide’s “calling card.” To receive one is to be awarded the comfort of knowing you are watched over and there is a blessing nearby. Your spirit guide gives a reminder that you are never alone. Honor their gifts.

3. Pennies and dimes.

Monetary change, especially these, are found in the oddest of places. You may find a dime while hiking in the dirt, or inside the freezer. Your spirit guide may leave these coins to cheer you up. Usually these come when you are a bit sad or depressed. It’s a token of their love for you as if saying, “Here is a penny for your thoughts.”

4. Special scents.

Aromas arrive in the most peculiar times. Have you ever been driving and suddenly you smell gardenias or roses? Your spirit guide will delight you with flowery smells to get your attention. They will also utilize scents from childhood memories. During these times remember that you are being nudged to make a decision, to focus on letting go, and trust in something greater than yourself for guidance.

“The soul at its highest is found like God, but an angel gives a closer idea of Him. That is all an angel is: an idea of God.” ~Meister Eckhart

5. Dreams.

The spirit world love to use the dream state to convey messages. This is one of their favorite tools. They are free to create scenarios with colors, magic and fantasy. Your spirit guide will arrive in many forms. They can send a message through the drama of another telling you something that will undoubtedly be remembered the next morning. When you want divine answers, ask before retiring to bed. Keep a notebook and pen next you and when you awake, write your messages. You will be surprised at how mysticism unfolds through these little movies of dreamland.

“When you trust your inner guidance and begin moving in the direction of your dreams (aligned with your individual gifts) you will be cloaked in an armor bestowed upon you by your guardian angel.” ~ Charles F. Glassman

6. Orbs.

These are fantastic. Have you ever taken a picture and seen little flashes of light or orbs in your picture? These are messages from your spirit guides. They are nearby, making sure you do not feel alone. Orbs have tremendous shapes within shapes. They also come in many colors. You might not be able to see with the naked eye what a camera captures. Your spirit guide wants you to trust that things are working in the order that they are suppose to. These are magical tokens of presence.

7. Songs.

Music is a way to reach the heart quickly. Your spirit guide will speak to you through songs from the past or through lyrics you never heard before. Music is enlightening through its energy. The vibration of music is the highest frequency we can reach in this dimension. It will conjure up emotions and answer desires. These moments when you hear a song that is answering your calling, please know that your angel is confirming your wishes. They want you to know that they hear you. They are near.

“Music is the universal language, because it is the language of the universe.” ~Charles F. Glassman

8. Touch.

We are moved by caress. In moments of sorrow and desperation, your spirit guides will lightly touch you. If you are in danger of getting hurt, you may feel a push or tug. At other times you will feel the gentleness of a feather rubbing you, bringing a chill up your spine. A good practice to connect with your spirit guide is through prayer and meditation. Allow for reassurance. You are always loved. You are never alone. Their touch is a nurturing way of clarifying that in this mystical world you have someone always watching you.

Doreen Virtue says, “There are two steps to experiencing signs from above: (1) believe in them, and (2) notice them. Amazing life transformations occur when we learn to see and use the messages guides give us in everyday life, in all situations, big or small.”

Our spirit guides arrive in many forms, and all you have to do is be willing to accept their presence. Always have gratitude for all the divine intervention. Ask for guidance and then be willing to truly pay attention to what’s around you through complete presence and awareness.

Disclaimer: This article is for entertainment purposes only

10 Signs You Have An Omega-3 Deficiency

March 16, 2016 by Power of Positivity

“Research shows that omega-3 fatty acids reduce inflammation and may help lower the risk of chronic diseases such as heart disease, cancer, and arthritis. Omega-3 fatty acids are highly concentrated in the brain and appear to be important for cognitive (brain memory and performance) and behavioral function.” – University of Maryland Medical Center

Omega-3 fatty acids are crucial to the development and function of the human body. Additionally, omega-3’s deliver powerful health benefits that make omega-3’s an important part of our daily diet.

We’ve all seen fish oil supplements at the market, and they often sell out at a pretty fast rate. The reason for this is that two types of omega-3 – DHA and EPA – are predominantly found in certain types of fish, and the consumption of fish is less prevalent than other types of foods. The third type of omega-3, ALA (alpha-linolenic acid) can be found in various plant sources, which will be discussed later.

When this important type of fatty acid is not consumed regularly, different types of symptoms can surface. These symptoms range from cognitive (e.g. depression and memory loss) to physical (e.g. inflammation and arthritis.) It’s worth noting that the degree to which this vital fat source is neglected often coincides with the severity of symptoms.

Here are 10 signs that you may have an omega-3 deficiency [also see below for some good omega sources]:

1. Depression

Researchers have discovered that countries with regular omega-3 consumption have a lower rate of depression. This could be because omega-3 is highly concentrated in the brain and normalizes the brain’s neural activity. Secondly, this fatty acid is a necessary component of the neurotransmitter serotonin. That’s the brain’s “mood stabilizer” chemical.

2. Inflammation and Arthritis

Groundbreaking studies have taken place that reaffirms omega-3’s anti-inflammatory properties. In a study published by the Institutes of Health, 125 individuals started a daily regimen of omega-3 fish oil supplements. After just 75 days of use, 60 percent of respondents reported an improvement in overall joint pain, 80 percent were “satisfied with their improvement,” and 88 percent continued their intake of omega-3 supplements.

3. Weight gain

Omega 3 increases the metabolic activity in cells. A deficiency of omega 3 in one’s diet can lower metabolism and lead to weight gain. To avoid this physiological effect, it is necessary to ensure the proper intake of omega 3’s.

4. Heart disease

In a study undertaken by the Harvard School of Public Health, 40 percent of individuals that died from heart disease had elevated levels of LDL cholesterol. Omega-3 fatty acids effectively reduce the levels of bad cholesterol in the body. Also, omega-3’s help to reduce inflammation throughout the body, lower blood pressure, and reduce blood clotting – three factors that may help reduce the risk of heart-related illness, including heart disease.

5. Difficulty learning

As mentioned, omega-3 is highly concentrated in the brain and contributes to the normal functioning of neurons. When these essential fatty acids are low, the chemicals surrounding the brain and nerve cells are insufficient, inhibiting the functioning of neurons and may lead to difficulty learning and retaining new information.

6. Unhealthy skin

Fatty acids are responsible for the health of cell membranes in the skin. This function is a barrier to things in the air that can cause skin damage. Further, omega-3 allows the skin to absorb healthy nutrients and expel harmful waste products. When omega-3 is deficient, the functioning of this entry/exit mechanism is as well.

7. Memory loss

In one study of people aged 55 or older who complained about memory loss, one group of individuals took fatty acid supplements for six months. The others received a placebo. Afterward, the supplement group tested twice higher in memory-related activity than the placebo group. This is likely the result of increased concentration of fatty acids in the brain, an essential component of peak cognitive function.

8. Inhibited immune system functions

Consumption of omega-3 fatty acid is essential to enhanced immune system functionality. Eicosanoids are hormone-like substances in the cells; some eicosanoids perform important functions in enhancing the immune system, preventing blood clots and reducing pain. Omega-3 fatty acids produce phospholipids, a building block of this important substance. Without a normal intake of omega-3, we are potentially more prone to illness as our body cannot produce eicosanoids at a sufficient level.

9. Fatigue

Those that suffer with chronic fatigue syndrome (CFS) often test for low levels of fatty acids, particularly of the EPA variety. Inflammatory cytokines (certain cell proteins) often contribute to feelings of fatigue, another physiological effect often mitigated by consuming enough omega-3.

10. Eyesight problems

Omega-3 fatty acids are important to protecting eye health. Macular degeneration, dry eye syndrome, and glaucoma are just three ailments potentially preventable by ensuring proper intake of omega-3. In a European study, subjects who often ate oily fish (source of DHA and EPA) were half as likely to develop macular degeneration.

Sources of Omega-3

Fish and fish oil supplements are obviously the best sources of omega-3. Salmon, mackerel, and sardines contain the highest levels of both DHA and EPA omega-3s. Plant-based foods, including flaxseeds, leafy greens, beans, cabbage, and squash are also excellent sources. Here is an itemized list of plant-based foods that contain healthy amounts of omega-3s:

Flaxseed
Chia seed
Hempseed
Romaine
Arugula
Spinach
Navy, kidney and soybeans.
Cauliflower
Broccoli
Bok choy
Brussels sprouts
Winter squash

Weekly tips, affirmations, and small actions to feel your best.

Her final piece of advice for us? “Just keep on going every day, that’s about it.”

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!