Whether it is romantic or not, your relationship should make you feel excited and happy about life, not stifled, repressed, or unloved. Many people stay in unhappy relationships because they fear being alone or can’t picture their life without the person, even if their current situation doesn’t truly fulfill them anymore.
Everyone deserves respect, compassion, and love in relationships, but if you don’t feel like your partner gives those to you, you might want to rethink your relationship with them.
Here are ten critical things you should never tolerate in a relationship:
1. Disrespectful language
First and foremost, a healthy relationship begins with respect for both individuals. You should never tolerate someone who calls you names, puts you down or makes you feel uncomfortable in any way. Even if you have a heated argument, it doesn’t give your partner the right to treat you with disrespect just because they can’t control their language.
To overcome disrespectful language in your relationship, start by identifying it and admitting that it’s a problem. Once you’ve identified the disrespect, calmly talk to your partner about the issue and how it makes you feel. Then, ask them why they behave that way.
By asking your partner why they react disrespectfully, it forces them to think about their negative behavior. As they become more aware of their demeanor and attitude, they develop better habits.
Even after you express your thoughts and feelings, you can’t just assume they will change. Make sure you ask for the change so that they know you won’t tolerate that behavior anymore. You also must remember that you must respect your partner if you want respect in return.
2. An overly controlling partner
If you have a partner who can’t let you out of their sight without freaking out or thinking you’ll break their trust, then this should raise some red flags. It would help if you never tolerated someone who feels the need to control every aspect of your life and your relationship. According to an article on psychologytoday.com, Andrea Bonior, Ph.D., says,
“Toxic relationships can sneak up on almost anyone. And controlling behavior on the part of a partner knows no boundaries—people of any age, gender, sexual orientation or socioeconomic status can be in controlling relationships, playing either role.”
How to Fix It
Pay attention to which areas of your life your partner try to control. Sometimes, it might not be all areas of your life, but only certain areas that make them uncomfortable. Once you’ve had time to think about it, communicate the problem with your partner.
Your partner might be unaware of the situation, and calmly explaining what you have noticed can change things for the better.
You can also make a deliberate effort to make more decisions. Decide for yourself what you want to do, and take a stand when you want to do something different than your partner.
3. A breach of trust
In addition to respect, mutual trust must exist in a relationship for it to thrive. If you can’t trust your partner, you should either talk to them about it or end the relationship before you get in too deep. Both partners must feel comfortable, open, and supported in the relationship to work, and a lack of trust will kill an otherwise healthy relationship.
How to Fix It
When your romance gets hit by betrayal or another breach of trust, you can still move forward with your partner. Start by figuring out and talking about what caused the broken trust, even if it is an uncomfortable topic. Then, with a new perspective, think about any underlying issues that must be addressed and handled.
If both of you are willing to restore the trust and rebuild your relationship, you can repair what you once had. The upset partner will need time to process their feelings, reassurance, and the offending partner to take responsibility. It’s also a beneficial idea to seek professional relationship help together.
4. Incessant neediness
Of course, feeling wanted and needed in a relationship is normal, but it can go overboard if you’re not careful. Most people enjoy having a partner that asks them for help with certain things or needs a hug or a shoulder to cry on sometimes. However, these things are perfectly normal – what isn’t normal, however, is an overly clingy, needy partner who can’t seem to do anything without you. It’s important to feel like you can live independently without your SO around 24/7, so a partner who doesn’t display any independence should be a red flag to you.
How to Fix It
Developing a healthier romance requires that each partner remains a separate person with their own needs and desires. Working together to identify each of your strengths will get you started as you work to overcome neediness. Avoid criticism or harsh words, as this process can cause vulnerability before it gets better.
Talk with your partner and make sure you’re both doing things to take care of yourself. Do something you enjoy separately, and spend time doing it while the other partner does their activity. You can also communicate your needs with your partner and ask them to tell you theirs, as well.
5. Feeling like you don’t come first
While other essential parts of life outside of relationships, your partner should prioritize you over other things. If they hang out with friends more than you, for example, that shows they don’t take the commitment very seriously. Never tolerate someone who doesn’t take the time to make you feel special – you deserve someone who will treat you like the king or queen you are.
How to Fix It
To overcome feeling like you don’t come first, start by communicating your feelings to your partner. Tell them how they aren’t making you feel valued and that you want to find ways to be more involved in their life.
Meeting one another’s family and friends is a beneficial place to start, and it shows commitment and priority while helping you respect your partner. You can also try being enthusiastic about your partner’s interest so that they know you want to be involved in their life.
Ask your partner to express their feelings on this matter, too. Talking about it will make it easier to address and overcome the issue. With open communication, you will both want to prioritize one another.
Of course, negativity will be a part of any relationship in life, but it shouldn’t take precedence over a positive attitude. A negative outlook on life will translate into negative thoughts, and ultimately, a negative mind. People who focus on the negative tend to have low energy, blame others for their problems, and in general, won’t be the most fun, inspiring people to hang around. Don’t ever settle for someone who displays such negativity about life – it will only drag you down in the process.
How to Fix It
Too much negativity can be devastating to your relationship, so work on changing your thinking pattern. As you become more positive, it will influence your partner to focus on positivity, too.
Start by being aware of negative self-talk and switching your thought process with mindfulness and positive affirmations. Practice gratitude often, keep an open mind and look for any reason to smile or laugh. You can also become more positive by eating healthy foods, exercising, helping others, and practicing forgiveness.
While you can’t force your partner to be positive, you can influence and encourage. Don’t overreact or take their negativity personally, and recognize their accomplishments. You can also help them have fun regularly and try new things.
7. Emotional unavailability
Your partner should be emotionally available; otherwise, you won’t have a successful relationship with them. If they feel insecure or shy about displaying emotions, they probably have deep-seated issues to work out before they can partake in a healthy, thriving relationship.
How to Fix It
When you recognize emotional unavailability, start asking more questions to encourage your partner to share their emotions. As they become more comfortable with this type of intimacy, it will become more natural to them, helping them open up.
You can also ask them why they seem unavailable so that you can understand their mindset better. With understanding, you can learn to address the issue and overcome barriers. Even talking about the problem in this way can help your partner open up a little more.
You can’t change your partner’s emotions, so don’t assume their emotional unavailability is your fault. Keep encouraging them and remain emotionally available to them as you work to overcome this obstacle.
8. A partner who doesn’t listen
Both of you should feel comfortable talking honestly and openly to each other. If your partner regularly talks over you or makes you feel like your opinion or thoughts don’t matter, this means they don’t value you as a person. And you should never tolerate this sort of behavior in a relationship.
How to Fix It
It’s frustrating when your partner doesn’t listen, but being compassionate and understanding can help. If your partner gets defensive or needs to make a point every time you say something, point it out to them. They might not realize that they do it, and pointing it out can help them consciously focus on listening.
You can also try asking your partner when it is a better time to talk without interruptions. If they are busy or in the middle of something else, it might be hard to give you their undevoted attention. Therapists also recommend asking your spouse to repeat what you said so that you know they heard you.
9. Someone who doesn’t support your dreams
Your partner should also back you 150% when it comes to your dreams and goals. It would be best if you never tolerated someone who gets jealous or tries to undermine your success – a truly supportive partner will encourage you and help you every step of the way.
How to Fix It
If your partner doesn’t support your dreams, you can still pursue them and respect your partner simultaneously. Communicate to your partner how you feel when talking about your goals, and ask them not to diminish that emotion. Asking this of your partner can prevent hurt feelings and heated arguments over the matter.
More importantly, try to understand where their lack of support comes from. Consider whether your partner is fearful, worried, or doubtful, and then ask questions to further your understanding. Once you know their thoughts on your dreams, ask them to trust your decisions and goals.
Finally, it would be best if you never tolerated a partner who isn’t willing to pick up the slack and take care of business. Adult responsibilities aren’t fun by any means. Still, they should at least take care of the minimum amount of chores and responsibilities needed for survival and not depend on you to do all the dirty work.
How to Fix It
Your partner must be responsible for their role in your romance. You shouldn’t have to carry it all alone, and irresponsibility is a sign of immaturity. The first step to overcoming irresponsibility in your relationship is to speak up calmly and sternly.
Tell your partner that you expect them to uphold their end of the commitment. Be specific and let them know if you’re talking about finances, child care, or household tasks.
As you approach this subject, spend some time self-reflecting, too. If you’ve been over-functioning in your romance so far, your partner might be irresponsible because they are used to you doing it all. Make sure you are letting go of some responsibility so that your partner has an opportunity to step up.
While there are things you should never tolerate in a relationship, there are ways to fix the issues. You don’t have to throw away the entire romance without trying other methods first.
Remember, no one is perfect, and we are all growing and developing each day. Be compassionate and understanding as you work with your partner to maintain a healthy situation. a