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Relationship Experts Explain What Happens When You Meet The Woman of Your Dreams

October 18, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Some people (men and women alike) may know right away when the woman they’re seeing is the One. Others may be a bit slower on the uptake. Some may not know the signs to look for.

What exactly should you be looking for to make sure you’re dating the woman of your dreams? According to wedding officiant and author Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway, “There is usually a telltale sign that lets you know when true love has arrived – a voice in your head, a sense of recognition or a gut feeling that this is someone special to you.”

If you’re connecting with your soulmate, there are certain things that you’ll experience that are out of the ordinary from all of the other women you’ve ever dated.

Here Are 9 Things That Happen When You Meet Your Dream Girl

1. You’ll be surprised by your feelings

These feelings will come hard and fast, and you’ll be completely surprised by how quickly you develop them. You may be slower to fall in love with other women, but when you’ve met your soulmate, you’ll be floored by the strength and depth of your feelings. Despite how quickly it happens, you’re not going to feel intimidated. In fact, it’ll feel like the most natural thing in the world.

2. Your attraction will keep growing

Obviously, you’ll feel attracted to her right off the bat. But the thing is, that attraction is only going to keep growing every single day. You’re never going even to want to look at another woman. Her personality and her looks are only going to keep growing on you. You’re also going to feel totally and completely satisfied. There’s nothing about her that you would change.

3. You’re not afraid of disagreements

In some relationships, an argument can be the end. However, when you meet the woman of your dreams, you won’t be afraid to have an argument or disagreement with her. You’ll know that your love is strong enough to survive any spat. In fact, you’ll find that your arguments are over quicker, and you’re more easily able to reconcile and apologize to one another.

4. You’ll always feel loved

The woman of your dreams will never leave you feeling unloved or underappreciated. Some relationships are more casual, and can leave us wanting for emotional connection. However, you’ll know that she’s the One when you feel emotionally fulfilled and appreciated. She makes you feel special every single day, and never takes you for granted.

5. You share common goals

An important part of any long-lasting relationship is having goals and visions of the future that complement one another. When you meet the woman of your dreams, you’ll realize that you never have to sacrifice your vision of the future, because she’ll have similar goals in life.

Clinical psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Carmen Harra states, “More diminutive opinions will differ, but soulmates generally have the same virtues and values and see the world through a similar lens.”

Therefore, while you may not have the exact same goals, the things you want to achieve work side by side to make a happy life.

6. You adore each other’s annoying habits

Maybe she takes too long in the bathroom getting ready in the morning, or leaves her hair ties lying around all over the apartment. It doesn’t matter – you’re going to find those little quirks to be some of the best things about her that you love.

Brockway adds, “Soulmates often feel a sense of the familiar and a sense of comfort around each other. Many people say it’s easier to relax into that person and allow themselves to be vulnerable.” When you meet the woman of your dreams, you’re going to love every single thing about her … even the things that you disliked in past partners.

7. Your feelings will feel natural

Nothing about how you feel will be surprising or scary to you. If you’ve never been the type of man to commit to a woman before, you’ll suddenly find yourself totally ready to be with her for however long she wants you. And the best part is, these feelings will be entirely natural.

8. You’ll feel safe in each other’s company

Contrary to popular belief, even men need to feel safe and secure in a relationship. And when you meet the woman of your dreams, she’s going to make you feel entirely safe. You’ll be able to tell her things that you’ve never told anyone else.

Author Karen M. Black states, “If you’re fortunate enough to meet someone with whom you have a natural, loving relationship from the get-go, then you’re going to feel this as an unusual comfort level. A low hum. A peace and calm in your heart. A quiet certainty. A curiosity. Safety in their presence.”

Oftentimes, men have a harder time sharing their emotions. It won’t feel difficult with her – you’ll find yourself opening up and sharing things with her you haven’t told any of your past partners.

9. You’ll want to protect your relationship

If you’re still hanging around with single guys who aren’t interested in a relationship, you won’t tolerate taking any jabs about how deeply you feel for your partner. You may find that you’ll want to protect your relationship more than you’ve ever wanted to before. Your relationship means more to you than any other relationship, and you’ll want to protect it – and her.

Society often finds ways to make men feel like they can’t experience the full range of emotions that come with falling in love. However, men have all the same feelings that women do, and they’ll experience all the same emotions when they meet their soulmates. Finding the woman of your dreams will be one of the most amazing things ever happening to you. You’ll find yourself putting more time and effort into this relationship than any other – and the results will be phenomenal.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

22 Self Care Tips For When You Feel Broken

October 17, 2017 by Kristen Butler

Feeling broken happens to us all. After all, no person can be happy all the time, and through it all, we experience many emotions. Sadness, feeling down, and defeat – are just some of the many emotions we go through as human beings. Sometimes, it can seem like those feelings will never leave us. Fortunately, you can restore your shine with a little self-care

“Adopting the right attitude can convert a negative stress into a positive one.” – Hans Selye.

We all need a little help when it comes to picking ourselves up from feeling dejected. When life gets us down, figuring out a way to get back up can seem hopeless. Luckily, there are so many ways to improve your mood and positively change your emotions when life gets the better of you.

Here Are 22 Positive Things You Can Do For Your Self-Care

1. Get outside and improve your mood

This is an easy way to improve your mood. Fresh air and sunshine can help lift your mood within minutes. The very act of just going outside can sometimes enhance our entire point of view. After all, sitting indoors contemplating our sadness can lead to more unhappiness.

Author Florence Williams said that when a person spends some time outdoors, “blood pressure drops, their heart rate variability becomes more resilient when faced with stress, cortisol levels drop. The subjects report an increase in… mood, and vitality, and creativity. And that’s just after 20 minutes!”

If you find yourself stuck on the couch, try a change of scenery and go for a walk around the neighborhood.

2. Talk to someone to help you feel better

A support system is the best way to make sure that you always have someone nearby who can help you talk out your troubles. Whether this person is a friend, a family member, your partner, or even a therapist, talking to someone you feel close to can help improve your mood drastically.

3. Watch a funny movie

Nothing makes us feel better than just plain old laughter. If you’re in a sour mood or feel a heavy sadness, watching your favorite comedy can quickly boost your mood. You can do it alone or with a friend. Sometimes, hearing someone else laugh can be just what it takes to get our laugh muscles working again when it feels impossible to smile.

4. Turn to music for self-care

It can be tempting to listen to sad, hopeless songs and cry about them when we’re sad. While this is often good for releasing emotions, it’s not good for uplifting your mood. So, after you’ve had your wallowing cry, try putting on some upbeat dance or party music. The beat will get your blood pumping, along with your mood.

5. Take a nap

Our moods are often regulated by something as simple as waking up during the wrong sleep cycle. If you find that you’re just plain miserable, it might do you some good to settle in for a nap. Getting more sleep might be just what you need to chase away your bad mood. While it may feel like a childish thing to do, even adults need the right amount of sleep to function correctly!

6. Hang out with friends

Whether you all go to a movie, out to eat, or hang around together, being surrounded by the people who love you is an easy way to remind yourself of all the good in the world. Your friends will probably know just the way to make you feel better and boost your need for human contact and stabilize your mood.

7. Clean your habitat

Depression and sadness often come with a lack of motivation to do… well, anything! These feelings can leave you unmotivated, so you don’t feel like caring for your home. Cleaning your space can feel like a chore, but you’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel after it’s all done. Once the area around you is clean, you’ll find that your mood is improved even by a little. A clean house is a happy house, after all.

When you clear your physical space, you also clear your mind.

8. Do something nice for others

The best way to boost your mood is to make someone else happy. While it can feel challenging to muster up the niceness to do something for someone else when you’re feeling low, it’s one of the best mood boosters. Brightening someone’s day will make you feel even better about yourself than before.

9. Take a Bubble Bath

The warm water from a bubble bath can ease tense muscles and lift your spirits. Why not light some candles and enjoy the fragrance and the bubbles and ambiance? Turn down the lights and let your troubles float away, as it’s the perfect way to engage in self-care after a long day.

10. Eat Right

The best way to love yourself is to watch what you put into your system. Many people don’t think about all the processed and junk foods they eat, but it’s doing more harm than good. Eating a well-balanced diet is an excellent form of self-care as it’s essential to your overall physical and mental wellbeing.

11. Try Technology Breaks

Are you spending too much time on technology? A recent report published by Statista Research Department showed that the average person spends 2.45 hours on social media each day. This wasted time doesn’t count all the other time folks spend watching TV, playing video games, or are on their computer.

Try taking a technology break to clear your mind, and you will be surprised how much more you get done and how much better you feel. Plus, if you’re always saying you don’t have enough time to get everything done, you will easily find more hours in your day.

12. Listen to Music

Turn on some tunes and dance the night away. Dancing is an excellent form of exercise as it gets the blood pumping. Maybe you prefer some more mellow songs like jazz or classical music. Music is used to motivate people, and it can also be used to calm you. Part of your self-care routine should involve some good tunes.

13. Meditate

When you meditate, you’re learning to let go of all the negativity you’ve ingested during the day, and you’re becoming in touch with your inner self. This ancient art has many forms, and you can use it to go to sleep, stop a panic attack, or even relax and give your tense muscles a break.

14. Try Aromatherapy

Do you buy candles or incense to burn around your home because you like the smell? Aromatherapy has been used for decades to help people relax, and it can be a significant part of your self-care routine. When you use bubble baths, lotions, essential oils, and candles, you’re stimulating the smell receptors in your nose, according to the Mayo Clinic.

The message from your nose travels through your central nervous system until it reaches the limbic system in your brain. This is the region that controls all of your emotions. So, if you notice that you feel better after rubbing lavender on your wrists or putting a tea tree on your neck, you’ve activated this part of the brain and are calming yourself.

15. Exercise Daily

The more you move your body, the better you will feel. The experts at UW School of Medicine and Public Health state that you need to exercise at least 20 minutes three times a week. However, it would be best if you fit it into your daily routine. Self-care is all about maintaining a good, healthy weight. You’re also boosting those feel-good hormones when you get your heart pumping.

16. Plan a Trip

Why not throw caution to the wind and go on a trip? You work hard, so you deserve a little get-a-way. Why not engage in self-care at an all-inclusive resort? You can even go camping and enjoy nature if you want your excursion to be frugal. The advantage of getting away is that you will feel and look better when you return.

17. Get a Massage

Massages are therapeutic, and they work to release that tension in your muscles. If you suffer from tension-type headaches or migraines, getting a regular massage can help you manage them without harmful substances.

When the masseuse works those muscles, they increase blood flow to the areas in need. Other things to try along this line include acupuncture and cupping therapy. When you learn effective ways to handle your stress, you’ll feel much better.

18. Splurge on A Gift for Yourself

When’s the last time you bought yourself a gift? Have you had a new outfit lately? Perhaps you want a new piece of jewelry to add to your collection.

Going to work and just paying bills isn’t very motivating. Have you ever done a star chart with your kids? These little charts are huge motivators because they give them an incentive to keep doing well.

You can do the same thing by motivating yourself by splurging a bit. While it seems that all the incentives you need are to have a house and car to drive, these little extra things give you the enthusiasm to keep going.

19. Take a Drive in the Country

It doesn’t matter what age you are or your status in life. There’s something therapeutic about a drive in the country. It’s best on days when you can put your windows down and let Mother Nature penetrate your car with her fragrant aroma.

Turn on your favorite music, and grab something to drink. Let your mind go as you get out of the city and the hustle and bustle, and engage in driving therapy. Sitting on crowded freeways only add to your daily frustration but getting out on the open roads with little traffic is relaxing.

20. Get in Touch with Your Artistic Side

Can you paint, draw, color, or make crafts? It’s very refreshing to use your artistic side to help with stress. Many people use art to outlet their emotions, and it can be pretty relaxing. Why not take a sketchpad to a nearby lake and draw the ducks swimming or the sun beaming down on the water?

21. Try a DIY Project

Is there a room in your home you want to remodel? Why not try a DIY project? You can save a lot of money by tackling household repairs yourself.

When you’re learning and taking care of your home, you’re also practicing self-care. Why not turn your bathroom into a tranquil retreat, or paint that drab kitchen that seems outdated? Your mind can explore and get creative to make your dwelling even better.

22. Go Cloud-Watching

There’s something magnificent with the sky above. It’s the key to another dimension, and the clouds are fascinating to watch float aimlessly by. Did you ever lie on the ground and watch the clouds when you were a child?

Did you find funny shapes in them that fascinated you? Why not return to those childhood moments and engage in something so peaceful yet profound. Watching the clouds go by is one of the best forms of self-care, as it’s so relaxing. It reminds you that this world is so much bigger than your troubles, and you live on a planet of majestic wonders.

Final Thoughts on the Importance of Self-Care

Generating positivity isn’t always the more straightforward thing, but there are ways to make yourself feel better when you’re feeling low. Whether it’s getting outside, connecting with your loved ones, or making someone else’s day a little better, generating positivity is a good habit to have and one that’ll make all of your sad days a little bit better.

How to Lower Cortisol Levels Naturally

October 17, 2017 by Sarah Barkley

Cortisol plays a role in many bodily functions, and abnormal levels can cause health issues. Learning how to lower cortisol levels is essential to maintaining your physical and emotional health. When your levels are high, your body thinks it is in a constant fight-or-flight situation, triggering severe issues.

As the primary stress hormone, cortisol affects almost every area of your health. It aids in regulating sleep cycles, managing the utilization of nutrients, reducing inflammation, and controlling blood pressure.

While cortisol levels should rise during stressful situations, they should quickly return to normal. It can negatively impact your health when they don’t return to normal. Thankfully, you can figure out how to lower cortisol with some lifestyle changes.

You can balance the hormone level by learning how to reduce cortisol and implementing the tips. Since long-term stress and anxiety can be detrimental, finding a balance is life-changing. When you lower cortisol levels, you can maintain a calm mind and a healthy body.

What is Cortisol?

The adrenal cortex of the adrenal glands produces cortisol. It is a glucocorticoid, a steroid hormone naturally produced by the body. Cortisol is necessary for the proper functioning of the body, but too much can cause severe health issues.

Two of the most significant contributors to high cortisol are chronic stress and the long-term use of corticosteroids. People who cannot produce enough hormones naturally may use a prescription corticosteroid to help. They treat inflammation, immune system disorders, and electrolyte imbalances.

The body requires communication between the adrenal gland, pituitary gland, and hypothalamus. With effective communication, your body can produce the correct amount of cortisol. Not having enough cortisol and having too much are both harmful for the body.

Cortisol supports overall health when the levels are maintained. It helps you wake up, gives you energy during the day, lowers it at night, and helps you sleep and rest. This hormone also has anti-inflammatory properties that boost your health and well-being.

Cortisol also helps you deal with stressful situations as your brain triggers its release through your sympathetic nervous system. This system is your fight-or-flight response, and many forms of stress trigger it. When your levels stay high for too long, it can harm you more than it helps.

If you feel uneasy when you have a close call while driving or get startled by a loud noise, it shows cortisol at work. It makes your blood pump faster, raises blood sugar, and triggers the release of glucose for energy. The problems with cortisol occur when the levels stay high for weeks or months.

If you want to learn how to lower cortisol levels, it’s essential to figure out the root cause of your stress. Once you know the cause, making lifestyle changes is essential to reducing the stressors and allowing your body to find balance.

Once your cortisol levels return to normal, you must maintain them to stay healthy. Continue following the same plan that helped you reduce them in the first place.

What Happens When Your Cortisol Levels are High?

Studies indicate that high cortisol levels can cause many health issues, including:

Chronic Disease: Long-term high cortisol levels can increase your risk of high blood pressure, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, osteoporosis, and other chronic diseases.
Weight Gain: High cortisol can increase your appetite, leading to eating more. Plus, it causes your metabolism to store fat rather than using it for energy.
Sleep Problems: With high cortisol levels, you might experience a lack of energy or difficulty sleeping. It interferes with other hormones that impact sleep quality and length. Too much cortisol links to obstructive sleep apnea and insomnia.
Trouble Concentrating: Those with high levels often experience brain fog, difficulty focusing, and lack of mental clarity. It can also interfere with your ability to form memories.
Weakened Immune System: High cortisol levels can interfere with the immune system. It makes it harder for your body to fight infections and prevent illness.
Cushing’s Syndrome: High cortisol levels cause this rare but severe condition. Cushing’s Syndrome leads to other issues such as weight gain, acne, skin injuries, muscle weakness, and other health concerns.
Infertility: Studies show that women with high cortisol levels are less likely to get pregnant. This study included 400 women and followed them through one year of trying to conceive.
Irregular Menstrual Cycles: Some women with high cortisol levels experience irregular periods. Other women find that their periods stop altogether.
Obesity: Increased cortisol leads to increased blood sugar levels, which can contribute to weight gain and obesity. Plus, it can cause fatty deposits to form.

How to Lower Cortisol Levels

Now that you know all the red flags, let’s look at what lowers cortisol.

1. Get Enough Sleep

Getting enough sleep can reset your circadian rhythm and help rebalance your hormone levels. The National Sleep Foundation recommends seven to nine hours of sleep each night. Sleep deprivation can increase the cortisol levels in your bloodstream even more, so you must find a routine.

Some of the ways you can get more sleep and fall asleep easier include the following:

have a consistent bedtime routine to signal your brain to start winding down
wake up and go to sleep at the same time every day, even on weekends
exercise at least two to three hours before bedtime
limit caffeine intake at least six hours before bedtime
avoid alcohol and nicotine
sleep in a quiet room, using only white noise if necessary
take naps whenever you can
limit exposure to bright and blue light at least an hour before bed

Many night-shift or rotating-shift workers struggle because they don’t control their sleep schedule. Even still, they can implement some ideas to help optimize their sleep.

2. Exercise Regularly

Exercising four to five times weekly for thirty to sixty minutes can help lower cortisol levels. It helps with handling stress better as it promotes the health of your autonomic nervous system. Additionally, regular exercise improves sleep quality and overall health, further managing your cortisol levels.

If your workout is too intense, it can have the opposite effect, so focus on low or moderate-intensity exercises. Yoga is a good choice because it is low-intensity and had a mindfulness aspect to it. Plus, give yourself plenty of time to rest in between workouts.

The appropriate amount and type of exercise for each person depend on their level of physical fitness. If your body is doing strenuous things that you aren’t used to, it increases the production of cortisol to adapt.

3. Recognize Stressful Thinking

By recognizing stressful thinking, you can learn to improve your thought process. Negative thinking increases cortisol levels and lowers oxytocin, a relaxing hormone and neurotransmitter that calms the nervous system.

Even thinking about the past is considered stressful, as it usually accompanies regret and rumination. Additionally, worrying about the future can cause stress as well.

Recognizing this type of thinking can help you reduce negative thoughts, preventing and reducing stress levels. When you pay attention to your thought process, it offers a mindfulness-based stress reduction opportunity.

Accept the thoughts without judgment, and don’t try to push them away. Instead, allow yourself to process them so that you can ease out of the negativity. Pay attention to your breathing, heart rate, and other signs of tension during these times of stressful thinking, too.

4. Breathe

Deep breathing helps reduce stress, and you can do it no matter where you are. It is similar to mindfulness practices as it stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system. This system is linked to cortisol levels and influences your ability to regain control when stressed.

Studies reveal that when participants implemented deep breathing regularly, they experienced a decrease in cortisol. For even more benefits, accompany deep breathing with yoga or other things that emphasize a mind-body connection.

Experts suggest doing deep-breathing exercises three to five times daily, for at least five minutes. As it lowers cortisol levels, it relieves anxiety and depression and improves memory.

5. Find A Hobby

Hobbies are satisfying and rewarding as they contribute to a more fulfilling, healthier life. When you do things you enjoy, it increases your overall sense of well-being. Studies show that doing the activities you love can decrease cortisol levels.

Researchers tend to focus on gardening as a hobby, and results show a drop in cortisol. Other hobbies you can consider include drawing, painting, or crafting. It doesn’t matter which hobby you choose, as long as you spend time doing things you enjoy.

6. Take Care Of Yourself

Taking care of yourself requires taking care of your physical and mental well-being. Letting go of detrimental thinking or feelings can help you care for yourself. When you feel shame, guilt, or inadequacy, it can lead to elevated cortisol.

In these instances, you must find a way to care for yourself and overcome the negativity. Work on forgiving and accepting yourself and others, and you’ll notice an improvement in your well-being.

Take care of your physical health, too. Drink plenty of water daily because your body requires it to regulate cortisol levels. Dehydration has the opposite effect and can trigger high cortisol.

7. Maintain A Healthy Relationship With People

Having healthy and happy relationships is essential when you are learning how to lower cortisol levels. Friends and family can bring happiness and stress relief, which play a role in maintaining cortisol. Of course, you will have conflict sometimes, but your relationships shouldn’t be a constant source of stress.

Studies show that when there is conflict within healthy relationships, the cortisol quickly returns to normal levels when the argument ends. If you can’t calm down after an argument, it is a clear sign that your cortisol levels are still high. Practicing compassion and empathy toward the other person can help manage cortisol levels, too.

Another study shows that affectionate interaction with a friend or partner before a stressful situation helps balance your levels. It results in lower stress, heart rate, and blood pressure.

Focus on stable, loving relationships with friends, family, and partners. By doing so, you will experience lower cortisol levels naturally, helping you get through stressful periods.

8. Follow A Healthy Diet

The foods you eat play a role in maintaining hormone levels. When you eat unhealthy, processed foods, it can contribute to high cortisol levels and imbalances. Try sticking to a whole food, an anti-inflammatory diet full of antioxidants, nutrients, and fiber.

You can control cravings and maintain normal hormone balances by choosing healthy options. While any whole foods are beneficial, the best foods for this issue are adaptogen herbs that help fight high cortisol levels. These foods containing antioxidant, antibacterial, and antiviral properties include:

astragalus
cocoa
cordyceps and reishi mushrooms
ginseng
licorice root
holy basil

Other foods that lower cortisol levels include these:

dark chocolate
whole grains
legumes and lentils
fruits and vegetables
black or green tea
probiotics and prebiotics
healthy fats

The worst foods for maintaining cortisol include added sugars, refined grains, and saturated fat. Studies show that these components contribute to higher cortisol levels compared to a diet of whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and polyunsaturated fats.

9. Consider Getting A Pet

Research indicates that spending time with a pet can lower stress levels and decrease cortisol. Other studies show that contact with a pet relieves stress better than spending time with a friend. Additionally, pet owners are scientifically proven to have normal cortisol levels more often than non-pet owners.

If you can’t have a pet, consider visiting an animal shelter where you can spend time with the animals. Spending short time with an animal can help reduce your stress levels. Additionally, spending time with animals increases oxytocin levels, hormones that make you feel good.

10. Take Supplements

A healthy diet is essential, but supplements to reduce cortisol levels. Fish oil is a beneficial supplement because it is a good source of omega-3 fatty acids. Studies show that supplementing with fish oil significantly decreased the levels in response to a stressful situation.

Another supplement is ashwagandha, an adaptogen herb used to treat anxiety and stress. Take between 200 and 300 mg of ashwagandha extract each day for the best results. Vitamin B12, folic acid, and vitamin C supplements can also support balanced cortisol levels.

If you aren’t consuming enough probiotics each day, you should also consider supplementing that. Probiotics support a healthy gut by strengthening your gut barrier, fighting inflammation, regulating the immune system, and promoting mental health.

11. Avoid Caffeinated Drinks at Night

Consuming caffeine in the evenings can interfere with your sleep quality. When you don’t get enough sleep, your cortisol levels increase. Caffeine also increases cortisol secretion and increased blood pressure.

Additionally, consuming too much caffeine can cause adrenal fatigue, when your hormone levels are severely off-balance. Adrenal fatigue causes you to become exhausted, and more caffeine will worsen it.

12. Laugh It Off

Your body releases endorphins while suppressing stress hormones when you laugh. It improves mood, reduces stress, lowers blood pressure, and strengthens the immune system. Even forced laughter can benefit your health and reduce cortisol.

When you feel stressed, find something to make you laugh. You can watch funny videos, listen to a stand-up comedy, or spend time with a friend with a good sense of humor.

13. Meditate

One of the quickest ways to reduce stress is through meditation. Researchers found that meditating and focusing on the present can decrease cortisol levels. Meditation triggers the relaxation response, slows breathing, relaxes muscles, and reduces blood pressure.

Practicing meditation also stimulates the parts of your brain that contribute to worrying. Meditation can ease anxiety and replace it with focus and understanding. It helps you identify and address your stressors before they can become a long-term problem.

14. Limit Your Sugar Intake

Your sugar intake greatly influences your hormone levels. If you eat too many foods with added sugars, your cortisol levels will increase. If you reduce or eliminate added sugars in your diet, your cortisol levels can return to normal.

Additionally, avoiding added sugars can help combat high cortisol levels by reducing stress and preventing weight gain. When you’re stressed, it’s hard to resist sugary treats because they trigger your brain’s reward system. Some of the foods that have lots of sugar include:

cake
pastries
white bread
candy
soda

Final Thoughts on How to Lower Cortisol Levels Naturally

While cortisol is necessary for your body to function properly, too much is detrimental to your health. It releases during stress, but the levels should decrease once the situation has passed. When it doesn’t return to normal, you must figure out how to decrease cortisol levels naturally.

Implementing some healthy lifestyle changes can make all the difference in reducing cortisol. As you become healthier, you’ll notice an improvement in your physical and mental health.

8 Signs Someone Is Jealous Of You (And How To Fix It)

October 16, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Nothing feels worse than achieving a goal, becoming successful in an endeavor, and discovering that the people around you don’t feel proud or positive about it. Instead, they feel jealous. A person’s jealous feelings can cause them to act unkindly towards us, especially in the face of our achievements or success.

Psychologist Steven Stosny says that jealousy “makes you think the same thing over and over and the more you do that, the less reality-testing you do. Emotions all have an illusion of certainty, and jealousy makes you certain of your perception of the world.”

Everyone has felt this unpleasant emotion at least once in their lives, and most likely much more than that. It seems much harder to deal with when other people feel jealous of us. After all, we can control how we feel but can’t control other people’s emotions. Recognizing the signs that someone is jealous of you can be the first step to fixing it.

Here Are Eight Signs Someone’s Jealous Of You

“The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.” – William Penn

1. False praise

When someone is jealous of you, they’re often the first to give you a sincere compliment or seem to be dripping with passive aggression. However, you’ll find these people will roll their eyes the minute you leave the room.

They would rather pretend they’re not jealous than address the issue. One way to turn it back around is to give them sincere compliments when something good happens to them. It may help them see that you’re a genuine person and help curb their jealousy.

Clinical psychologist Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., says, “Short of becoming indiscriminately wary of others’ praise or flattery, it’s only prudent to consider whether they might have a hidden agenda in praising you. That way you can minimize the possibility that their seemingly trustworthy compliments aren’t really some sort of two-faced con.”

2. Downplay your success

No matter what you achieve or how hard you work to do so, jealous people will always try to make it seem like it was a fluke or that you didn’t work as hard as you did to achieve your success. The reasons that they come up with might be rude or condescending.

“People who will envy you the most are the ones who are in need the most of what you possess,” says M. Farouk Radwan, MSc.

Rising to their bait will only make them more likely to talk poorly. Stay humble but firm in your achievements. If you brag, they may be more likely to stay jealous of you.

3. Flaunting their success

Someone who is jealous of you may be more inclined to flaunt their success more than it’s really worth flaunting. They may be more inclined to flaunt their own achievements while you’re celebrating your own. These are the type of people to get engaged at a wedding.

But why do they flaunt their success in the first place?

Because chances are, they’re not as successful as you are. Author Bob Bly states, “There are always people who are filled with negative thoughts — not only about others whom they envy (you) but also about themselves and their perceived failure to having achieved their goals (which are often to own their own business or be richer than they are).”

While it may be frustrating, getting upset will only make them feel more justified in their behavior. Instead, offer them sincere praise in their achievements. Leading by example is a good way to alter someone’s behavior.

4. They’re imitating you

Someone who is jealous of you alternatively wants to be better than you and also be just like you. They may imitate the way you talk or the way you dress in order to feel better about themselves. Instead of allowing this to upset you, try to encourage them to go their own way. When they’re doing their own thing, give them positive reinforcement. Show them that they don’t have to be you to be great and that they can be their own person.

5. They’re competitive

Jealous people tend to be highly competitive because they always want to be the one reaping the success or as clinical psychologist Melanie Greenberg says, they are “either insecure or arrogant and want to prove superiority.”

While it can be tempting to take them down a peg, refuse to make the competition unhealthy, or even refuse to participate. If they try to argue with you about a job promotion, just tell them: “It isn’t a competition.” Refusing to play into their game will make them less likely to try and continue to one-up you.

6. Celebrating your failures

Someone who is jealous will privately feel very good about when you make mistakes or get reprimanded or corrected at work or school. While they may never show it, they often secretly enjoy your failures. Handle your mistakes with grace! You can always remind them that making mistakes is part of life and learning. If you’re not upset, they’re not getting the enjoyment out of it that they thought they would.

7. They gossip behind your back

Jealous people will always find a way to talk about you behind your back. It’s not fun, and their words can be malicious and hurtful. The best way to deal with someone who does this may be to confront them directly.

As author James Clear mentions, “… negativity from other people is like a wall. And if you focus on it, then you’ll run right into it. You’ll get blocked by negative emotions, anger, and self-doubt. Your mind will go where your attention is focused. Criticism and negativity don’t prevent you from reaching the finish line, but they can certainly distract you from it.”

Since jealous people don’t tend to be outwardly confrontational, talking to them seriously about what they’re doing may be enough to get them to rethink their behavior, or to get it to stop entirely.

8. They hate you

If there’s someone you know who hates you for no conceivable reason, they may just be jealous. This one is hard to deal with because we often don’t like to be hated for no reason. You may want to show this person you’re entirely likable. But there may be nothing to do about it. If you can’t charm them into liking you, cutting them out of your life may just be best. You don’t need that negativity, and they’re most likely working themselves up hating you for no reason. The best way to fix it is to let it go.

Final Thoughts on the Signs of a Jealous Person

Dealing with someone else’s jealousy can be a tricky situation. You may feel the desire to tell them off. But, dealing with a jealous person in a non-confrontational and positive manner is ultimately better for you and the other person. They may feel a lot of self-esteem issues that they need to work through, and getting upset with them won’t fix or deal with their jealous tendencies. Knowing the signs of a jealous person will make it easier to fix and handle positively and productively.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

15 Hidden Causes of Weight Gain

October 16, 2017 by Sarah Barkley

Too many in society today obsess over their body image, striving for perfection. Panic can ensue at even minor weight gain–at the expense of your mental well-being.

Why? Our society is infatuated with body image. The next time you’re at the store, pick up (don’t purchase, please!) a tabloid newspaper or some senseless magazine and flip through the pages.

Shirts off? Bikini shots? Cellulite? All the above?

Yeah, that’s the type of nonsense millions of people consume each day they log in to their favorite apps.

Never mind that photographers probably edited or applied filters to those images. Never mind, these stores are illusions – a fake world. A world that makes us want more. Consume more. Buy more. Have more. Welcome to the mindless world of mass media.

See, the people who head up these companies aren’t interested in facts. No, they care about a little thing called clicks.

They care about the number of people who ultimately check out with their hastily-produced garbage. (Which “happen” to be placed at the checkout counters.)

The result of all this misinformation? Ignorance – about body shape, dieting, exercise, and what we “should” do or not do.

The Consequences of Obsessing Over Weight Gain

Let’s use a fictional illustration as an example. Suzy is a bright, sweet 14-year-old girl who’s moderately overweight. Some of her classmates – and even some of her friends – poke fun at her. As a result, her self-esteem has hit, and she’s a bit depressed.

While visiting the local library, Suzy stumbles upon a magazine with the words “Lose 15 pounds in 30 days!” she moves on. “Too good to be true,” she wisely says to herself.

The teasing continues, and Suzy breaks down. She’s now desperate for answers, willing to try anything.

She doesn’t bother heading back to the library. She takes five dollars out of her savings drawer and buys the publication at the local supermarket. Suzy diligently works the “program” – in the end, she loses little, if any, weight. The cycle continues.

The “lesson” about weight gain

Sadly, there are millions of Suzy’s in the world. From childhood to adolescence and beyond, we view this input daily. Bear in mind that the “mature” brain isn’t formed until around age 25, according to new research. Can you imagine the toll this weight loss crap has on our kids?

While our adult ‘B.S. meter’ is finely-tuned, we’re not immune to misinformation, exaggerated claims, and false promises either. Food and exercise are not the only things that contribute to one’s weight. Genetics, health problems, age, and gender all play a part. And this isn’t even half of it!

15 Hidden Causes of Weight Gain (and how to fix each!)

Of course, you must balance a healthy self-image and reaping the health benefits of reaching your ideal weight. No judgment here! But knowing these causes of weight gain can help you drop a few pounds if you choose.

1. “Low-Fat” Foods

Nutrition scientist Lisa Miles: “In some cases, low-fat foods contain high sugar levels. High sugar foods can also contain many calories and contribute to weight gain.”

Fix: Read the labels. Pay attention to the calories and sugar. Many “low-fat” foods have more than alternatives.

2. Weight Gain Goes With Too Much Sitting

Television is the main reason behind a sedentary (inactive) lifestyle. We’re also more likely to snack on unhealthy foods while watching the tube.

Fix: Rethink your ‘couch time.’ Make a two-part pact with yourself: (1) for every hour of watching T.V. You must do 15 minutes of exercise. (2) You must drink 16 ounces of water for each hour of T.V. time. You’ll be surprised at the results.

3. Burning the Midnight Oil Might Cause Weight Gain

Research shows that lack of sleep can contribute to weight gain.

According to Michael Braus, Ph.D., a sleep specialist: “The more sleep-deprived you are, the higher your levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which increases your appetite.”

Fix: Get 7-9 hours of shut-eye each night. Indeed, it would be best if you were getting no more and no less than this number of sleep per night. The National Sleep Foundation (NSF) has repeatedly confirmed this time allowance for rest.

4. Increasing Portions

The World Cancer Research Fund (WCRF) study has found that hamburgers have doubled in size since 1980.

It is not just burgers, either. Of course, portion sizes of pretty much everything – excluding vegetables and fruits – have increased in supermarkets and restaurants.

Speaking of 1980: “4.8 percent of men and 7.9 percent of women were obese.”

These rates have since doubled.

Fix: Aim for fullness, choosing foods with high fiber and lean protein.

5. Medications

Some prescription drugs – such as those used to treat depression, high blood pressure, diabetes, and seizures, can add on some sneaky LBS/KG’s!

Fix: First, do not abruptly quit a medication without consulting your doctor or health professional. Inquire about tapering or slowly weaning off of the drug. If this is not possible, inquire about weight-neutral alternatives. Most importantly, seek a second opinion!

6. Stress Contributes to Weight Gain

Cynthia Sass, MPH, and Registered Dietitian, writes:

“We’ve known for a while that stress is connected to weight gain because a high level of the stress hormone cortisol has been shown to up appetite, drive cravings for junk food, and make it oh so much easier to accumulate belly fat.”

Recent studies also show that stress can screw with your metabolism—a double-whammy.

Fix: Learn a quick breathing exercise. Find somewhere comfortable to sit. Sit in an erect posture and bring your chest forward, allowing your shoulders to fall back. Relax your gaze and rest your hands on your lap. Breathe with your abdomen, allowing your belly to expand on inhalation and contract on expiration.

Inhale through your nose to the count of four. Exhale to the count of six. Believe us; this is magic when done correctly. (There’s a bunch of science behind ‘diaphragmic breathing,’ too!)

7. Dieting

Piles of research show that dieting is not the answer. Why?

Most people (over 90 percent) regain their original weight within a year.
Weight fluctuation is terrible for your mental and physical health.
An increased risk of diabetes, heart disease, and high blood pressure.

Fix: Lifestyle it. “It’s a lifestyle” is super cliché and annoying, but also super true. Change your lifestyle by starting small. Eventually, you will exercise habitually, lay off the processed crap, and become a healthier you! And be gentle with your self-discipline. You’ll get there!

8. Artificial Sweeteners

Many of those trying to lose weight opt for artificial sweeteners because they’re calorie-free. However, artificial sweeteners can cause you to gain weight. While you might think diet soda is the way to go, it won’t help with your weight loss efforts.

Fix: Instead, drink fortified water or other healthy beverages. You can also sweeten things using natural ingredients that don’t contain additives.

9. Eating Too Quickly Can Cause Weight Gain

Take your time while eating because eating too fast can cause weight gain. If you take less than 20 minutes to eat a meal, try to slow down next time. Eating too fast can cause you to take in more calories as it takes your mind twenty minutes to receive the signal that you’re satisfied.

Fix: If you struggle to eat slower, try to center yourself before it’s time to eat. Take a few deep breaths so you can feel calm while you eat. Sitting your utensil down between bites will also help you eat slower. If possible, socialize while you eat. It forces you to take breaks between bites, allowing you to eat slower and process when you’re getting full.

When you’re snacking, eat one piece at a time. Don’t grab a handful, even if you tell yourself you’ll eat it slowly. Pick up one piece at a time, and don’t rush to grab another.

10. Being Afraid to Say No

When someone asks if you want a treat, or pushes you to consume high-calorie food, don’t be afraid to say no. Your good manners might be a hidden cause of weight gain. Once you say no, stick to that answer and don’t cave no matter how many times they ask.

Fix: Don’t be afraid to leave food on your plate in social situations. Even if someone else took the time to make the food, you don’t have to finish every bite. It’s easy to go overboard when you’re afraid of offending someone, but you don’t have to.

When you regularly stick to your answer and stop eating when you’re satisfied, people will get used to it. They might push you at first, but eventually, they’ll know it’s normal for you. It won’t take them long to learn to respect your decision and stop trying to force you.

11. Hypoactive Thyroid

Your thyroid is essential for hormone regulation and using energy for good. When the levels are low, it means that your thyroid is underactive. If this happens to you, it can be challenging to lose weight, and you might quickly gain.

Fix: Seek your doctor’s advice. A hypoactive thyroid requires medical treatment, so you’ll want to see a doctor immediately. If you think you might have an underactive thyroid, you might also experience the following symptoms:

Dry skin
Depression
Frequently feeling cold
Hair loss
Constipation
Low energy

12. Alcohol Intake

Alcohol has lots of calories, but research shows that’s not the only reason it can cause weight gain. When you consume it in large amounts, it makes your body less able to burn fat. It also interferes with your ability to sense that you’re full, so you’re more likely to overeat.

Fix: Limit (or eliminate) your alcohol consumption for better health and to stop this sneaky weight gain.

13. Going Through Menopause

There are a few reasons going through menopause can cause weight gain. Your body produces less estrogen during menopause, causing more fat to form around your belly.

Sleep problems, mood swings, and hot flashes interfere with regular exercise and healthy eating. You won’t feel like getting moving, and you’re more likely to reach for sugary food when you’re tired.

Fix: Talk with your doctor about how you can stabilize your hormones during this phase of your life.

14. Retaining Fluid

When your body retains water, it can cause weight gain. Women with premenstrual syndrome often experience this situation, with the increase occurring several days before their period. Some other reasons for fluid retention include:

Too much salt
Hormone replacement therapy
Standing for too long
Blood pressure medication
Health conditions

Fix: To prevent or alleviate fluid retention, start drinking more water to flush your system. Additionally, cut back on salt, and make sure to move around throughout the day. If the retention doesn’t ease within a few days, see a doctor to rule out health conditions.

15. Frequently Eating Out Causes Weight Gain

When you eat out, the meals are often larger portion sizes, causing you to take in extra calories. Plus, the meals are full of saturated fats and salt. While the food might be delicious, it leads to you gaining weight while also filling your body with unhealthy ingredients.

Fix: Request a take-away box to come to the table with your food. Before you start eating, divide up half and put it in the box to enjoy another meal.

Breaking the Habits That Cause Weight Gain

If you experience any hidden causes of weight gain, it’s time to make a beneficial change. Start by breaking the habits that cause you to gain weight, and then form new habits to replace them.

Change the Way You Think

Rather than telling yourself that you’re going on a diet, try to think of the situation differently. Instead, tell yourself that you’re implementing healthier habits. This shift in your thought process gives you a better chance of breaking your bad habits.

When you change the way you think, it becomes a lifestyle change instead of only being temporary. You’ll form beneficial habits that last a lifetime.

Don’t Rely Solely on Self-Control

Many people think that maintaining or losing weight requires willpower. However, you can’t rely on willpower alone because you’ll break at some point. Your best bet is to eliminate as many desires as possible, helping you develop good habits without fighting temptation.

Take some time to think about your biggest triggers, and you can learn to avoid them. Removing them from your life prevents you from giving in, but it also stops you from stressing about the trigger.

If you have them in your home, get rid of them so that your willpower doesn’t break during a moment of weakness. Likewise, if the vending machines at your work get you every time, stop walking past them. Avoid the break room if you know you can’t pass on the donuts or other snacks inside.

Work For Your Treats

If you want to have a treat, make yourself do something beneficial first. For example, go to the gym to earn a chocolate bar. Or, go for a walk if you want to eat take out for dinner that night.

When you make yourself do something beneficial before consuming something unhealthy, it’ll help you form good habits. It forces you to do things you might not want to do, helping you look forward to it and get it done.

Give Yourself Visual Reminders

Sometimes a visual reminder is all it takes to help you break bad habits. Write on a sticky note and put it on your mirror to remind yourself to start the day on a positive note.

Another idea is to leave fruits and vegetables on your counter, so you see them each time you walk into the kitchen. When you see the healthy options first, you’ll be more likely to choose them over other foods.

Force Yourself to Walk Farther

Forcing yourself to walk gets you moving and ensures you don’t stay sedentary. Park farther away at the grocery store so that you have to get more distance in. If you live close enough, consider walking to the store and leaving your car at home.

When you continually make yourself walk farther, it’ll become a beneficial habit in your life. Consistency is essential, so force yourself even when you don’t feel like it.

Avoid Mindless Munching

When you eat while doing another activity, it’s considered mindless munching. Anytime you eat, you should be mindful and pay attention to your intake.

Put your phone down, turn the TV off, or pull the car over. These activities stand in your way of mindful eating and can cause you to gain weight.

Another way to avoid mindless munching is to stop eating straight from a container. Don’t eat while standing in front of the pantry or refrigerator, either, as it causes overeating. It’s best to measure portion sizes, allowing you to know when you’re done rather than guessing or reaching for a little more.

Eliminate Sugary Beverages

Aside from the taste, there are no benefits to sugary beverages. You don’t need them for the taste, either, as you can find other delicious sugar-free drinks. Even one soda a day can cause weight gain, so it’s best to avoid it entirely.

Water is your best option, and you can infuse it with fruit to make it taste better. Unsweetened teas are also a good option, and you can sweeten them naturally. Be wary of coffee creamer, too, because many contain lots of sugar.

Fill Up on Vegetables

When you fill up on vegetables, you don’t have as much room left for junk food. If you aren’t used to eating many veggies, you can start small and incorporate them into one meal. Start with lunch, and add them to another meal each week.

Eat the vegetables at the beginning of your meal, and you won’t have to fill up on carbs and sugars. You’ll end up eating fewer calories and avoiding weight gain.

Don’t Take Random Bites

If you have kids, you might want to finish the last bit of their food. Or, if there’s only a little bit of dessert left at a party, you might justify having a taste. However, every time you take random bites, it increases your calorie intake.

Final Thoughts on the Hidden Causes of Weight Gain

You might be surprised to know all of the hidden causes of weight gain. Once you know the issues, you can work to correct them in your life. Eliminate bad habits and develop a healthier lifestyle.

When you make beneficial changes, you’ll begin losing or maintaining weight. Plus, you’ll feel better overall when you take in more nutrition and eliminate unhealthy ingredients. In the meantime, take care of yourself and your mental health. Be sure you are trying to lose these extra pounds for the right reasons–better physical health and increased energy–and not because of some unfair societal standard. Understand how to reverse your weight gain because you LOVE yourself.

5 Signs You’re In A Sexually Abusive Relationship

October 16, 2017 by Power of Positivity

The tragedy of sexual abusive relationships

According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest Network (RAINN), a person is sexually abused every 68 seconds in the United States. Every 8 minutes, the victim is an underage person.

Only 6 out of every 1,000 perpetrators of sexual abuse are jailed or imprisoned. Statistics are helpful to a point, but there is no number – no words – that can adequately describe the tragedy that is sexual abuse.

And sexual abuse is not always apparent. Many abusers are cunning manipulators. It isn’t uncommon for a victim of sexual abuse to experience a period of self-admonishment; faulting themselves for not recognizing the abuse.

Especially in a romantic partnership.

Who would suspect their partner to commit such an atrocity? The truth is that sexual abuse by intimate partners is far more prevalent than most people realize.

If you happen to be within this group, it is essential that you understand it is not your fault. Again, it is not your fault.

“Sexual narcissism can be defined as a grandiose sense of one’s sexual prowess which, in the mind of the sexual narcissist, entitles him or her to engage in acts of emotional and physical manipulation at the partner’s expense.” ~ Preston Ni, M.S.B.A.

5 Signs of You Are With a Sexually Abusive Partner

1. Anxiety

Most people who suffer from anxiety disorders don’t know why. However, for sexual abuse victims, this tension is directly attributable to the loss of bodily sovereignty. In other words, the sense of control over their own body has been taken away.

In the context of a partnership, this anxiety will surface often; including before, during, and after intercourse. Some victims become fearful and may suffer panic attacks, agoraphobia, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD.)

2. Depression

This sign is also related to the loss of bodily autonomy. Victims usually develop some degree of depression; they may feel despondent, hopeless, or suffer from an impaired sense of self-worth. These feelings often range from mild to debilitating. Consider this finding by psychologist Ellen McGrath:

“In almost every case of significant adult depression, some form of abuse was experienced in childhood, either physical, sexual, emotional or, often, a combination.”

3. A sense of Inferiority

Abusers who target their partner do so out of the need to feel superior and in control – this is the narcissistic side of sexual abuse.

Every action of the abuser stems from their own inadequacies and insecurity. As such, it is common for the abuser to “target their partners for ridicule, shame, sarcasm, and overall marginalization,” says Preston Ni.

Imparting a sense of inferiority is outright emotional abuse which, subsequently, becomes sexual abuse.

4. Fear of Reprisal

Fear of retaliation often stems from being uncomfortable about the situation. For example, we’re all a bit hesitant when trying something new in the bedroom; but engaging in a sexual act and feeling uncomfortable with it, and becoming fearful at the thought of telling your partner about your discomfort are two entirely different things.

It’s a sign of emotional and sexual abuse.

5. Lack of Pleasure

Sex should be intimate, loving, and fun. Under normal circumstances, two adults engage in sex because it’s enjoyable. For the victim of sexual abuse, there is no pleasure to be had from sex with their “partner.”

When a person is too absorbed in their own satisfaction, they inevitably demonstrate little to no concern for others’ well-being. It becomes impossible, then, to obtain pleasure from any romantic activity, sex or otherwise.

6. Unwanted or Nonconsensual Sexual Contact

If you’re in a sexually abusive relationship, your partner may try to initiate sexual contact without your consent. This demonstrates a complete lack of respect or care for you as a human being, much less a partner in a relationship. Sexual abusers don’t care about the other person’s needs, however, as long as they can fulfill their own twisted desires.

Just because you’re in an intimate relationship with this person, it doesn’t mean you’re obligated to say ‘yes’ to them every time. If they still don’t listen after you turn them down, this is a clear sign of sexual abuse.

7. Your Partner Demands Intimacy Even When You’re Sick or Tired

If your partner regularly disregards your feelings when it comes to sex, this means they’re only in it for themselves. A caring, loving partner would obviously understand when you’re not in the mood, especially if you feel sick or tired. However, in a sexually abusive relationship, the abuser only cares about meeting their needs. To them, you’re just making an excuse to justify your lack of interest.

8. Holding You Down or Restraining You During Sex

In a sexually abusive relationship, your partner may attempt to pin you down or restrain you during sexual acts. This is their way of exerting control and power over you to maintain their superiority. It’s fine if you agree to this beforehand and you’re in a stable, healthy relationship. However, an abusive relationship is one-sided, rooted in domination, insecurity, and self-gratification.

9. Normalizing the Behavior

The first few times it happens, you may excuse your partner’s behavior as a strange phase or mistake. Maybe you think things will go back to normal and try to forget about the abuse. However, a sexual abuser doesn’t have boundaries and won’t accept being told ‘no.’ Any attempt to reason with them will just be met with aggression or silent treatment.

They will instead gaslight you, making you believe that they’re the victim in all this. If you remain in a sexually abusive relationship, you may start to tolerate the abuse as it seems normal to you. Unfortunately, this game of deception was part of the abuser’s plan all along.

10. Your Partner Calls You Degrading or Disrespectful Names

In a sexually abusive relationship, your partner will feel entitled to disrespect you both verbally and physically. A relationship rarely involves only one form of abuse since the perpetrator craves total domination over their partner. They may become angry or frustrated when you don’t do as they say, and misuse their power by yelling or calling you names.

They may also bring up any negative sexual encounters from your past to further lower your self-esteem. The sexual abuser wants to disempower their victims to make them easier to control.

11. In A Sexually Abusive Relationship, Your Partner Will Force You To Do Things You’re Uncomfortable With

Another warning sign of a sexually abusive relationship is your partner disregarding your boundaries and bodily autonomy. It doesn’t matter if you’re uncomfortable with what they’re suggesting; they still expect you to cater to their desires. Remember, it’s all about their pleasure; to them, you’re simply a means to satisfy their needs.

12. They Will Act Jealous and Controlling

Many women in sexually abusive relationships report having partners who are emotionally abusive as well. According to a survey by the National Institute of Justice, “women whose partners were jealous, controlling, or verbally abusive were significantly more likely to report being raped, physically assaulted, and/or stalked by their partners.” Having a verbally abusive partner predicted that women would suffer sexual abuse more than any other variable.

Statistics About Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, one in five U.S. women will become rape victims in her lifetime. In addition, nearly 50% of women and 20% of men will experience sexual violence in other ways besides rape. Sadly, sexual assault in relationships is far more common than people realize, as these sobering statistics reveal.

Intimate violence that occurs in sexually abusive relationships causes physical injury more often than with strangers or acquaintances.
Between 14% and 25% of women will experience sexual assault by partners in a relationship.
Between 40% and 45% of women in abusive relationships will also become victims of sexual violence during the relationship.
Over 50% of women raped by a sexually abusive partner experience multiple sexual assaults by the same partner.
Women in sexually abusive relationships are at a higher risk of intimate partner homicide than non-sexually abused women.
Victims of intimate partner sexual abuse have a high risk of developing severe, chronic physical and mental health conditions, similar to other rape victims. They have higher rates of depression and anxiety than both women raped by a non-intimate partner as well as victims of physical, non-sexual abuse.
Between 10% and 14% of married women will experience rape at some point during their marriage.
18% of female victims of marital rape report that their children witnessed the crime.
Most victims of marital rape never report the crime, unfortunately. Only 36% of all rape victims ever go to the police for help; among them, only about 25% of married women report spousal rape to police.

Get Support With Your Sexually Abusive Relationship

If you or someone you know is the victim of sexual abuse, please contact local law enforcement or the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline (NSATH) at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).

Here’s what you can expect when calling NSATH:

Confidential support from a trained staff member
Support finding a local health facility that is trained to care for survivors of sexual assault and offers services like sexual assault forensic exams
Someone to help you talk through what happened
Local resources that can assist with your next steps toward healing and recovery
Referrals for long term support in your area
Information about the laws in your community
Basic information about medical concerns

Final Thoughts on Getting Help in A Sexually Abusive Relationship

No one deserves to remain in an abusive relationship of any kind, but many victims stay out of fear or lack of resources. However, please know that if you’re experiencing abuse in a relationship, you can get help and leave your abuser. A happier, safer life awaits you beyond this relationship, where you no longer have to live with constant anxiety and terror.

If you need help immediately, call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline (NSATH) and the will direct you to a local domestic violence program. They will provide support and encouragement, and help you formulate an action plan to get out of an abusive situation.

10 Signs You’re Giving Too Much In A Relationship

October 16, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Are you often a giving person…more than what you receive in return?

“Never make someone a priority when all they are to you is an option.” ~ Maya Angelou

A quick question…

Have you ever tried – and failed – to take advantage of someone?

What caused you to fail? Perhaps you couldn’t go through, were lacking confidence, or – more than likely – had a guilty conscience.

You see, most people aren’t okay with the idea of using someone. It’s against their moral code; their inner-being. And, when they do try to take some liberties – even if it’s with a person they don’t like – a nagging sense of inner resistance kicks in.

You may have failed; but – in terms of good character – you succeeded.

The “10 percent rule” applies here. In this case, the 10 percent comprises the individuals who feel no guilt, remorse, or shame in manipulating someone for their benefit.

Are you giving too much?

A person who gives too much doesn’t always do so on purpose.

There are genuinely benevolent “angels-amongst-us” types – and they’ll give until it hurts. They’ll ask for little in return.

Here’s the thing, my friend: you aren’t doing yourself any favors. You certainly are not doing the other person favors by caving to their manipulation, willingly or unwillingly.

A balance of power shouldn’t exist in a relationship. Relationships – whether intimate, platonic, familial, or friendship – are not a competition. There shouldn’t be a “winner” and a “loser.”

Be aware of the following ten signs that you may be giving too much – and them too little – in a relationship:

1. They know everything

Ever seen the movie ‘Clueless’ with Alicia Silverstone? If so, you probably remember the redhead who Silverstone’s character and her snooty friend decide to “include” in their circle.

When the redheaded misfit joins Silverstone’s “crew,” she’s eventually taken aback by the unabashed egotism. When she objects to anything, she’s quickly rebuffed, and told – in a sense – that “this is how things are.”

Don’t be the redheaded friend.

2. They aren’t there when you need them

Yeah, this one’s kinda obvious, hopefully. You’d think, for everything you’ve done, that they’d occasionally return a favor or have your back, right?

Common courtesy is uncommon for some people. You’re probably giving too much if they somehow conveniently “forget” about – or outright disregard – the things you’ve done.

In fact, you may not even hear a simple “Thank you.” If that’s the case, good luck trying to get help from them.

3. You always initiate communication

When you’re not “needed,” they don’t want to talk, and when they don’t want to talk, just leave them alone. (And find some peace!)

Most communication that does take place originates from you. Being the kind person you are, you’ll try to establish and maintain contact out of genuine cordiality.

It’s too bad the other person had no interest in doing the same.

4. They show a lack of empathy

In a relationship, empathy – at its core – is an expression of love. Not displaying compassion is a sure sign that either (a) you were never really considered a friend, or (b) they’ve lost themselves at some point.

Either way, an inability to walk in the shoes of a friend is a major character defect.

5. You’re giving too much if you always upend your own needs

This one’s hardly surprising. When taking care of someone else’s needs takes precedence over taking care of your own, it’s self-neglect.

If you’re ignoring your own needs, it’s crucial to ask yourself, “Why?” Unless this person is your child, there is no acceptable answer.

6. You’re always the “first call”…

When they need something.

7. But quickly ignored

When everything is fine.

Do you remember the cliques from high school? Smart kids would hang out with smart kids, athletes with athletes, shy kids with shy kids.

You know what’s strange? In almost every clique, there’s one member who’s almost always ignored. Sociological research has found that there’s an “outcast” in every group; one who helps maintain group harmony at the expense of personal happiness.

8. You’re put in the thick of things

If your “friend” is fighting with someone, you feel obligated to take their side. Though you’d strongly prefer to maintain a sense of neutrality – especially considering the affronts of your “friend” – you fear the repercussions.

Mostly, you fear isolation.

9. You’re giving too much if you can’t get a word in

Pardon. But this one is annoying as he**.

People who talk over others are some of the most infuriating individuals alive.

This one also has a simple solution. If your friend/partner/whatever doesn’t respect you enough to lend an ear, get out of there.

10. They always seem to be telling a lie

You know the saying “Trust takes a long time to create, a short time to destroy”?

Well, your friend has torpedoed their trustworthiness. And you know the sad thing?

They could care less.

Final Thoughts on Giving Too Much in a Relationship

Remember that 10 percent rule we discussed in the introduction?

Sadly, the 10 percent rule applies a second time: for those who willingly allow others to take advantage.

Do yourself an enormous favor. Please. Just. Stop.

Know your worth. And, if you don’t know, ask. This is a time when it’s perfectly acceptable to seek external validation. Ask your real friends or family what they love about you!

Here are some uplifting words to end this article on a positive and peaceful note:

“Praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow come and go like the wind. To be happy, rest like a giant tree in the midst of them all.” ~ The Buddha

Sources:
https://thoughtcatalog.com/lady-goodman/2014/01/9-signs-you-do-too-much-for-your-friends/
https://www.bolde.com/12-signs-youre-giving-more-ever-get-out-relationship/

15 Inner Thoughts of A Narcissist

October 14, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Being a narcissist is a mysterious condition.

First, mental health experts don’t know what causes NPD. Narcissism is similar to psychopathy and sociopathy in this way. While family history and advanced brain imaging technologies (e.g., PET) may clue us in, psychotherapists are the only individuals who can diagnose the disorder.

Second, many people – including some mental health experts – are of mixed opinions on whether people diagnosed (or possibly, misdiagnosed) with NPD deserve sympathy.

What Is a Narcissist?

Let’s start with a few sentences to describe such a person.

A narcissist is a person who has an excessive sense of self-importance, an extreme preoccupation with themselves, and lacks empathy for others. They often require excessive admiration and have a tendency to exploit others to achieve their own goals. Narcissistic behavior can manifest as arrogance, grandiosity, and a strong sense of entitlement.

The Madoff Case

Consider Bernie Madoff as an example. Madoff pleaded guilty to eleven federal crimes for running a massive Ponzi scheme estimated at $65 billion.

He was given a 150-year sentence. Obviously, narcissistic and sociopathic traits – which Madoff almost certainly possessed – aren’t acceptable excuses in a court of law. While overseeing the most significant financial fraud in U.S. history, Madoff sat on the boards of organizations influencing policies for detecting securities fraud. On the other hand, Madoff was a noted philanthropist, donating millions to various charitable organizations.

“He was thought of as a great philanthropist, a pillar of the community, the chairman of Nasdaq – all of that stuff,” said a friend of his.

Does it matter why?

As Bernie Madoff’s “case file” confirms, narcissists and sociopaths don’t have a rhyme or reason behind why they do such immoral things; or why they act contradictory much of the time.

Does it really matter why?

Not to the victims of Madoff; many of whom lost their life savings. Not to the millions of countless nameless faces whose lives have been upended by a liar and manipulator.

One thing that most people will agree on is that self-protection is paramount. Narcissists and sociopaths can – and will – inflict harm, and most won’t show any remorse.

What goes on inside the brain of a narcissist?

Let’s take a look at 15 projections from the mind of a narcissist

“He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

1. “How can I get attention?”

Psychologists have coined two terms that explain a narcissist’s constant need for attention: “emotional supply” and “narcissistic supply.”

Narcissists are always looking for where they can temporarily fill their unquenchable ego.

2. “I don’t care.”

Indeed. In fact, narcissists don’t care about anything except themselves. Most of us cannot fathom the intentional manipulation and hurting of others.

Most of us.

3. “I’m right.”

Let’s say you’re a prosecutor. You’ve built an “open and shut” case against someone, and the evidence leaves no doubt that the defendant is guilty. Now imagine the judge takes one look at your evidence and throws it out.

The narcissist is the judge.

4. “I have no self-esteem.”

Most experts believe that narcissists have developed a coping mechanism – a rewiring of the brain – that permits them to exhibit confidence despite a deep-rooted feeling of failure.

In reality, the emperor has no clothes.

5. “I’m entitled.”

When it comes to wanting something, a narcissist will act like a 3-year old would if you took his choo-choo. They have no concept of merit; which helps explain why they’re always looking for the easy way out.

6. “How dare you?”

Underneath their seemingly cool appearance, narcissists have a very delicate personality. Their deeply-held feelings of inadequacy and insecurity will surface when criticized.

7. “What an idiot.”

One of a narcissist’s most prominent delusions is the strange belief that they’re smarter than everyone else. It doesn’t hurt when you deny or flat-out disbelieve any evidence to the contrary.

8. “I need something.”

If there’s one thing to pity about a narcissist’s state of mind, it’s this: nothing makes them happy. Money, power, fame, and possessions do nothing. Where ordinary people look to their loved ones for real happiness, narcissists are unable to do so.

9. “You’ve made an enemy.”

The narcissistic are chiefly passive-aggressive people. Unless they’re outraged, or you happen to be close to them, they won’t make their anger known. Instead, they’ll appease their quelling anger by promising payback.

10. “Onto the next one…”

Question: how can someone honestly commit to another when they only care about themselves? Answer: they can’t. Dating a narcissist always seems to follow a predictable path: they meet someone who caters to their constant emotional needs; initial feelings of excitement subside, and they leave.

11. “Everyone is looking at me!”

Narcissists love being the center of attention. Being at the COA may be one of the only things they love. Until that attention fades, of course.

After “their” spotlight is redirected elsewhere, the narcissist begins thinking about what to do next to get it back.

12. “What are they complaining about?”

Joe Navarro, a clinical psychologist and author of Dangerous Personalities, says:

“I have talked to scores of individuals who have been victimized by the narcissistic personality…I heard the same (thing): Narcissists see themselves as being so special that no one else matters. Over time, the behavior (will) cast a wide debris of suffering.”

13. “I’m not apologizing.”

Good luck trying to get an apology from a narcissist. The only way that’s going to happen is if they see some pot of gold at the end of their tilted rainbow.

14. “I’ll forgive nothing.”

Narcissists do not forget or forgive even the smallest of “infractions.” Don’t fret, dear reader, the odds are that you did nothing wrong in the first place. Just be wary of their calculated behavior, especially when feeling “wronged.”

15. “I think I found someone I like!”

Impossible, right? Well, not if it’s a fellow narcissist. As it turns out, narcissists aren’t altogether rare – accounting for about six percent of the U.S. population.

Final Thoughts on Identifying and Understanding How to Deal With a Narcissist

It’s often not healthy to be friendly with narcissists because they tend to manipulate and exploit others for their gain. They may also have difficulty empathizing with others and only value relationships if they believe they can benefit from them. Additionally, their constant need for admiration and attention can be draining and make it difficult to have a balanced and healthy relationship. In some cases, being close to a narcissist can also lead to feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem. For these reasons, identify the catch phrases described above. so you can avoid a narcissist.

7 Signs Your Partner Loves You Unconditionally

October 14, 2017 by Power of Positivity

Falling in love is an exciting experience. When your partner loves you unconditionally, your whole outlook on life can become more positive and wonderful the longer that you’re together.

Couple’s expert and author Stuart Fensterheim says unconditional love is “so freeing and transformative because it lets you stop trying to change or control your partner. You’re free to work on yourself and find even better ways to live together in joy and love.”

Occasionally, we can ask ourselves how we know if our partners love us unconditionally. Even if everything’s going well, curiosity can get the better of us.

If you want to make sure that your partner really does love you unconditionally, there are plenty of signs to look for. When you see them in your partner’s behavior, you’ll know they’re in it for the long haul.

“The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.” – Brian Tracy

Here Are 7 Signs Your Partner Loves You Unconditionally

1. When your partner loves you, they want to grow old with you

When you make jokes about growing old together and chasing kids off your lawn, they have a specific look in their eyes. It’s almost as if they can see themselves growing old together with you. Not only that, but they’re excited about it.

But how do you know they mean it?

Dating coach Patrick Banks says, “Do you remember that little tingle you felt in your stomach the first time you saw your significant other? The great thing about being in a relationship that’s meant to last is that this feeling only gets stronger over time. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for two years or twenty, when you’re with the person you’re meant to grow old with, you want them as badly each day as you did on the first.”

If you can see yourself growing old together with your partner too, it’s probably a sign that their love for you is unconditional and you feel safe and complete with them enough to start a life together.

2. You tell them your secrets

Telling them your secrets means that you trust them, which means that they have been trustworthy enough for you to do so. When you tell them all of your secrets or the things you’ve been too embarrassed to tell anyone else, they don’t look at you with shock or disgust. They accept you in all that you are, embarrassing secrets included. Not only that, but they don’t even think to tell anyone, even their best friends.

3. They’re proud of you, and they tell you

No matter your accomplishments, big or small, they let you know that they’re proud of everything you’ve accomplished. Even if you do something as small as clean the living room or something as big as getting a promotion at work.

Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., professor at Oakland University and author, says, “When people feel recognized as special and appreciated, they’re happier in that relationship and more motivated to make the relationship better and stronger.”

Whatever you do is something unique to them, and they’re always ready and willing to tell you how proud they are of you for all of your successes – and even the things that you tried your best at and failed.

4. You disagree, but always make up

All couples have arguments or disagreements. That’s not something anyone can avoid. But when the both of you disagree, you don’t let it fester into resentments. They are always willing to discuss and communicate and come to a compromise or the end of an argument. You never have to worry about an argument causing contention in the relationship because you know that in the end you’re going to make up.

5. When your partner loves you, they are always chivalrous

Even if the two of you have been together for twenty years, when your partner loves you unconditionally, they’re always going to go out of their way to make sure that you’re comfortable and happy. They’ll still pull your chair out for you, or get the door. They’ll always help you unload the groceries or get up to get you a glass of water when you’re thirsty.

Licensed social worker, certified life coach, and author David Schroeder, LMSW, CPC points out that, “Love is more than a feeling or emotion, it is a conscious action and choice to aid the well-being of another. It’s the willingness to give love, affection, and admiration with openness, acceptance, and appreciation.”

Unconditional love is making sure that you’re happy and healthy.

6. They’re protective of you

This doesn’t mean they will be jealous if you go out with friends. Instead, they’re always going to want to make sure that you’re safe. They’ll go out of their way to make sure that you have a ride home if you go out or make sure that you can catch a ride home if they can’t. That protective streak will never go away, either. If your partner loves you unconditionally, they will always want to ensure you’re safe and sound, no matter what.

7. Emotional vulnerability is apparent when your partner loves you

A lot of people have a hard time opening up emotionally. Even if that is the case, your partner will have no problem opening up to you and showing that emotional vulnerability.

“Showing unconditional love means being vulnerable, authentic and honest. Trusting each other enough to show all of yourself to your partner. To be their safe haven, the one person in all the world that they can be raw with, to invest all of their trust and hope in,” adds Fensterheim.

They will tell you their hopes, dreams, fears, and secrets – and each time you’ll know that they love and trust you more than anyone else.

Final Thoughts on Knowing Your Partner Loves You

Being in love is a wonderful experience, and when your partner loves you unconditionally, it’s easier to let go and let yourself be more open and vulnerable than ever before.

“Unconditional love is not an unhealthy codependent relationship where one person compromises everything to please the other. You both compromise and treat each other with kindness. Showing love means you’re in this together no matter what. You are the other person’s champion in life,” says Fensterheim.

If you see the signs in your partner and yourself, congratulations! You’re in a relationship that will surely stand the tests of time, and all the stress and curveballs that life has to throw at you.

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