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7 Signs You’re In A Toxic Relationship With A Narcissist

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Did you know that a narcissist has a “split personality?”

Narcissistic personality disorder: a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance; a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others…Behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism. ~ Mayo Clinic

Instead of living as their highly-sensitive and vulnerable selves, narcissists develop and exhibit a deeply-held, false persona that is equal parts grandiose, unempathetic, conceited, self-centered, and entitled.

In other words, narcissists are highly-developed children. They choose to ignore past issues and act out in similar to a child who doesn’t get their dessert first. The narcissist will literally destroy other peoples’ lives to get what they want.

It goes without saying that narcissists are less-than-ideal romantic partners, friends, roommates, colleagues, or acquaintances. Once again, they are both unaware of and unconcerned with how their actions affect others.

Here are seven signs that you are in a relationship with a narcissist:

narcissist

1. They LOVE talking about themselves

“My father’s favorite responses to my views were: ‘but…,’ ‘actually…,’ and ‘there’s more to it than this.’ He always has to feel like he knows better.”

Narcissists love to talk about themselves to the point that they hoard an entire “conversation.” There is no two-way communication. If you try to get a word in, they’ll merely continue dwelling on about themselves.

2. They’re extremely entitled

“Why didn’t I get promoted? I’m the best employee here.”

Narcissists expect preferential treatment from everyone. They expect others to cater to their needs, without any questions being asked.

In a relationship with a narcissist, your partner will often feel as if they “deserve” something that they haven’t earned. Instead of pulling up their pants and getting to work, they’ll feel that’s beneath them and insist on someone else (YOU) doing it.

3. They focus entirely on the external

They’ll go out of their way to look the part. They take “fake it til you make it” very seriously. Often, hanging out with the who’s who, they’ll put themselves in the rooms they feel they deserve to be in even if it means lying to get there. If you as their partner don’t also look the part, you’ll find yourself being forced to change something about your appearance.

They’re the most handsome, the most beautiful, and if you don’t agree, or remind them of this often, you’ll find yourself in a verbal attack or given the silent treatment.

 

4. They are grandiose in thinking

narcissist

RELATED: Why A Narcissist Can’t Stay In Love

Ever heard the song “You’re So Vain”? The 1988 classic manages to capture a narcissist’s thinking perfectly. Here are a few lines:

Well I hear you went to Saratoga
And your horse, naturally, won
Then you flew your Learjet up to Nova Scotia
To see the total eclipse of the sun
Well, you’re where you should be all the time
And when you’re not, you’re with some underworld spy
Or the wife of a close friend

The lyrics are far-fetched to the point of being almost funny. The song also happens to accurately describe narcissistic delusions of grandeur.

5. They unabashedly break rules

“This queue is ridiculous; think I’ll just cut ahead of that old guy.”

Narcissists take pride in breaking the rules. As they don’t care about anyone else’s feelings, they show no hesitation in doing so. They’ll steal, break appointments, ignore traffic laws … they’ll do pretty much anything that violates social norms.

But what if they get caught? A hypothetical question leads us to the sixth sign:

6. They are supreme manipulators

“Let me tell you what ACTUALLY happened…”

Narcissists are skilled excuse-makers and schemers.

In a relationship with a narcissist, your partner will often play the blame game to get what they want. Guilt-tripping is another useful tool for the narcissist, as it can – often, capably – manipulate the victim into thinking that they’re wrong or at fault. It’s a sick, twisted game – and one that narcissists, unsurprisingly, enjoy playing.

7. They violate boundaries

“Oh, that’s your stuff? Don’t mind if I do…”

Surprise, surprise! Narcissists couldn’t give two craps about personal boundaries. They’ll blatantly disregard your personal space; along with your feelings, thoughts, and even possessions (turns out many love to steal, too.)

If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you can see their outright indifferent attitude towards people and things that you care for. This behavior is a manifestation of a narcissist’s deeply-held insecurities.

Final Thoughts

It’s crucial for someone who is in a relationship with a potential narcissist to understand the inevitability of emotional (potentially, physical) abuse. It’s also paramount to know that this behavior will never change. Narcissists make a living (literally) through being calculated, cold schemers.

It’s also crucial to grasp that it doesn’t matter if they “technically” qualify, i.e., are diagnosed as someone with a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). In fact, this diagnosis is quite rare. However, experts estimate that around 6% of the U.S. population displays signs consistent with those of moderate NPD – roughly the same percentage of people diagnosed with depression.

If you or someone you know is the victim of emotional or physical abuse, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233). NDV’s website site www.thehotline.org.

Sources:
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20366662
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201409/10-signs-youre-in-relationship-narcissist

7 Behaviors of Someone Who is Emotionally Addicted to Stress

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When someone is emotionally addicted to stress, cortisol and adrenaline are pumping out in higher levels than for the average person, but the adrenaline junkies want to pile on even more stress. Identifying strongly with three or more of these 7 signs of emotional addiction is a good indication that stress is a favorite pill of choice.

Here are 7 behaviors that show an emotional addiction to stress:

1. Enjoying the thrill of the chase

Pressure is on to meet that deadline because they procrastinated on purpose, just to feel the rush of stress as they press to finish at the last minute. Procrastination for the purpose of creating emotional stress is less healthy than methodically completing tasks that need to get done before the deadline, but a stress addict likes the thrill of this game to see if they will be done on time.

2. They avoid down time

“I’ll rest when I’m dead” is the motto of someone who has an emotional addiction to stress. Planning for healthy mental and physical breaks from work is a less emotionally addictive way to handle their workload.

3. They find drama or it finds them

Military veterans have a high exposure to stressful situations in combat and often are thought of as ‘adrenaline junkies’ who crave the ongoing rush. A stress addict who purposefully finds drama in order to feel a rush may be doing a similar behavior by adding increasing risk or drama to normal daily situations.

Stress or adrenaline junkies have a tendency to engage in risky health behaviors, for example, drinking to excess or driving recklessly, and this may be due to low dopamine levels in their brains. Researchers find that people with lower functioning dopamine activity in the brain puts them at risk for violence, because it motivates them to experience aggression’s hedonically rewarding qualities, just like an addict.

stress quote

Frequently arguing is a sign that someone is emotionally addicted to stress. The brain releases dopamine when a person believes that they have ‘won’ an argument in addition to the adrenaline of having to ‘fight’ for the win. This neurotransmitter combination can be an addictive positive feeling that stress junkies crave over and over. Escalating the emotional state intentionally may harm the relationships people have, so the help of a mental health professional is suggested if someone finds their behavior to be negatively impacting connections with others.

4. They expect results immediately

Those who are used to getting their way will often take control and order others around, which then creates stress for others. Why do you need to drop your things for their thing? Issuing instructions and expecting you to jump makes you seem bossy and impatient, but if these actions do get results, it may be feeding their stress addiction.

5. They have an innate sense of time

You know exactly how many minutes have passed since you’ve been waiting for the elevator and exactly how many other things they could have been getting done in that same number of minutes. There are never enough productive minutes in the day for them and they enjoy being right about guessing what time it is on the clock throughout the day.

6. If there’s no pressure, they add it

Creating a rushed deadline to push your level of activity to a furious pace is a trait of someone who is emotionally addicted to stress. Objectively seeing a deadline without the emotion of stress associated with it, or being able to manage stress response by planning work appropriately, is a more effective response.

7. Worrying is something they do well

Thinking of the future is a sign that you’re emotionally addicted to stress because, although you can plan for the unknown, you can’t predict what will happen. Living in the present moment is difficult for those who enjoy the emotional rush of stress.

Final Thoughts:

Recognizing the problem is the first step to overcoming any addiction. An addiction to stress may be an avoidance of thoughts or emotions that have not yet been processed. Seeking the help of a mental health professional to find treatment resources is a great next step to overcoming stress addiction.

References:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/19/stress-addiction_n_5689123.html
military risky behavior: http://www.dtic.mil/dtic/tr/fulltext/u2/a562950.pdf
Dopamine and brain: https://www.thefix.com/content/winning-argument-addictive-adrenaline1365
https://www.researchgate.net/profile/David_Chester/publication/284518465_Looking_for_Reward_in_all_the_Wrong_Places_Dopamine_Receptor_Gene_Polymorphisms_Indirectly_Affect_Aggression_Through_Sensation-Seeking/links/566c851808ae430ab4fd6298/Looking-for-Reward-in-all-the-Wrong-Places-Dopamine-Receptor-Gene-Polymorphisms-Indirectly-Affect-Aggression-Through-Sensation-Seeking.pdf

Brain Science Explains Why Women Need More Sleep Than Men

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“Sleep serves to re-energize the body’s cells, clear waste from the brain, and support learning and memory. It even plays vital roles in regulating mood, appetite, and libido.” – Dr. John Peever & Dr. Brian J. Murray

Arianna Huffington, the founder of Huffington Post, calls sleep ‘the next feminist issue,’ arguing that lack of sleep “affects their judgment, creativity, and ability to realize their potential. In 2007, Ms. Huffington collapsed from exhaustion amidst the pressures of building her media brand.

Huffington may just have a new best friend in Dr. Jim Horne. Horne, U.K’s leading sleep science expert, argues that women need more sleep than men. 20 minutes more on average, says the good doctor.

It all comes down to how women use their brains.

“Men are from Mars, women are from … *snore* …”

Okay, so we all know that the male and female brain couldn’t be more different. According to Dr. Horne, the executive operations of the brain – planning, attention, and organizing – operate very uniquely in women.

“Women tend to multi-task – they do lots at once and are flexible – and so they use more of their actual brain than men do. Because of that, their sleep need is greater,” says Horne, “The more of your brain you use during the day, the more of it that needs to recover and, consequently, the more sleep you need.”

Women Aren’t Getting Enough Sleep

why women need more sleep than men

Per the National Sleep Foundation (NSF), “While women need more sleep than men, many are not getting the proper amount.” And, really, all that’s needed is a couple of statistics to prove NSF’s findings.

According to Dr. Kimberly Babson, a leading sleep researcher and sleep advocate, women are twice as likely to suffer from insomnia than men. The female brain also tends to “age” more than men: “A typical 75-year-old woman has a comparable brain age to a 70-year-old man,” says Horne.

Neuroscientist Explains Why Women Need to Catch More Zzz’s Than Men

The NSF also cites several other factors that may impact women’s quantity and quality of sleep:

– As women are smaller than men, they’re more likely to be woken up and move around the bed. (Once woken up, it’s much more difficult for women to fall back asleep than it is for men.)

– Menopause produces hot flashes, which disrupt sleep.

– Pregnancy can make it challenging to snooze due to excess weight and position of the fetus.

– Worrying about problems and losing zzz’s over them are more common in women, which may be explained by increased activity in the brain’s executive regions.

Dr. Horne’s study found that 18 percent of women “claim to have a bad night’s sleep at least five days per week.” Just 8 percent of men claimed the same.

Effects of Multitasking

There is no question that women are better multitaskers than men. That said, neuroscientists have repeatedly demonstrated that multitasking is much less efficient than single-tasking in both sexes. Also, multitasking depletes cognitive energy reserves much faster, often leading to a “brain drain.”

Dr. Daniel Levitin, professor of behavioral neuroscience at McGill University, says, “(Multitasking) comes at a biological cost that ends up making us feel tired much quicker than if we sustain attention on one thing.” The biological toll that multitasking takes isn’t over, either. Dr. Levetin states that people: (a) eat more junk and (b) drink more caffeine when doing more than one thing at a time. “Often what you need in that moment isn’t caffeine, but just a break. If you aren’t taking regular breaks every couple of hours, your brain won’t benefit from that extra cup of coffee,” Levitin adds.

sleep

Putting it All Together

While Dr. Horne and other neuroscientists are adamant that women need to prioritize their zzz’s, they do not claim that men need less. In fact, men who work high-pressure and complex jobs may need more. While biology may always have a hand in sleep quality (or lack thereof), lifestyle habits are just as important. The NSF recommends a variety of ways to improve “sleep hygiene”: practices and habits necessary for good sleep quality and daytime alertness.

Here are some good sleep hygiene practices:

– Avoid stimulants (caffeine, tobacco) an hour or two before bedtime.

– Do at least 10 minutes of aerobic exercise per day.

– Establish a regular and relaxing bedtime routine (warm shower/bad, reading a book, stretching, etc.)

– Get adequate exposure to natural light.

– Limit daytime naps to 30 minutes.

– Limit evening alcohol intake to 1-2 drinks (too much alcohol before bedtime disrupts the vital stages of sleep.)

– Make sure that the environment is conducive to catching some rest.

– Turn off mobile devices.

– Use a digital or old fashioned alarm clock. If using a digital clock, rotate the clock’s face away from you.

Sources:
http://www.businessinsider.com/why-women-need-more-sleep-2017-2
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1246029/Who-REALLY-needs-sleep–men-women-One-Britains-leading-sleep-experts-says-answer.html
https://qz.com/722661/neuroscientists-say-multitasking-literally-drains-the-energy-reserves-of-your-brain/
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-happens-in-the-brain-during-sleep1/

What Is Your Soul Number For 2018?

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Our soul number, or personal year number, can help us understand what the next 365 days of our lives will look like. Numbers have a lot of meaning in our lives, but we just have to do the work to interpret what they mean.

To calculate your soul number, you just need to follow this simple formula:

  • First, add up the month and day of your birth, and reduce it down until you have one digit. For example, my birthday is July 18, so it would be 7 (7+1+8=16; 1+6=7). 
  • Then, you’ll want to do the same thing with the calendar year, so for 2018, we would get 2 (2+0+1+8; ((2+1=3+8=11)); 1+1=2). 
  • Finally, add the first and second numbers together until you get a single digit. So, in this example, we would get 9 (7+2=9). 

After you’ve gotten your soul number, read on to see what the coming year will bring into your life!

Here’s what your soul number for 2018 says about you:

1. The start of something new

All of the hard work you did last year will definitely pay off this year! You’ve been working hard to achieve your goals, and this year, all the fruits of your labor will start to blossom. Take any opportunities that present themselves, as this will catapult you into the next adventure in your life!

2. Time for growth

Unlike soul number 1, number 2 means you need to get back to the drawing board and do the inner work necessary for growth in your life. 2018 will be all about personal development for you, and though it’s hard work, you will reap the benefits of it later on. You might find a serious relationship in the cards for you later in the year after you’ve cleared the next path for your journey in life. Take things as they come, and enjoy the moment; becoming your best self doesn’t have to feel like boot camp!

3. Full speed ahead

If you got soul number 3, get ready for a wild ride! All areas of your life will start to expand. However, you might face some financial setbacks as you work to grow your career or business. To you, making new friends and having new experiences takes precedence right now because you can always work on making more money later. Getting that foundation set for years to come takes a lot of financial energy, so you aren’t too concerned with any losses at the moment. This year is about having fun and enjoying all the vibrant energy headed your way!

444

4. More responsibility

Did you have a little too much fun last year? That’s all fine and dandy as long as you get back on the grind and take responsibility in your life. Your energy will feel a bit low this year, but that’s because many things have built up and left unattended in your life. Make sure to take plenty of time for yourself this year, and keep your energy balanced. You’ll have a lot of work to do, but that doesn’t mean you should neglect your physical and mental health.

5. Acceptance awaits you

If you got number 5, this year looks good for you. Have you been at odds with yourself for as long as you can remember? Well, that heavy weight of self-loathing will finally lift, and you’ll feel freer than you have in quite some time. You’ll finally start to accept yourself and feel comfortable in your own skin. Not to mention, the stars will align as far as meeting the right friends to help you along your journey. This year is full of synchronicities for you, so make sure you pay attention!

6. Guardian angel

Family and friends really need you right now, so this year calls for you to stay close to home so you can take care of the ones you love. This year won’t offer much in the way of expansion, but not every year will; just remain thankful for the people in your life, and enjoy the time with them while you can.

7. Reflect and recharge

Have you been feeling disconnected from yourself? This year will be all about going within and rediscovering yourself. You’ve been quite busy outwardly, but your inner self is crying out for attention. For soul number 7’s, 2018 will require detachment from anything that doesn’t feel right to you as you work to rebalance your energies and find what truly makes you happy. Don’t worry what others think; do what you need to do in your life in order to feel like you again.

8. The year of opportunity

You might have felt stagnant in the past few years, but this year, your life will do a 360. Prepare yourself for a busy year, because the days of feeling stuck will be a thing of the past. 2018 looks promising in the financial area of your life, as you’ll see major changes in your bank account and your career. Get ready for a lot of doors to open up in your life, as success will finally come your way. Just don’t let it all get to your head – remember to stay humble.

angel number

What’s your angel number?

9. Becoming who you were meant to be

Just like soul number 8, you’ve felt stuck and complacent for some time now. However, this year, you’ll start bridging that gap between who you’ve been and who you want to be. You’ll leave behind relationships, jobs, and anything else that no longer serves you, and learn to stop apologizing for living life the way you want to. However, with change comes a feeling of instability, so make sure you stay grounded and retreat into nature when you start to get imbalanced. Trust that the universe always has your back and wants the very best for you in life.

10 Foods To Eat If You Are Constipated

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Okay, so nobody is comfortable talking about bowel movements. Then again, nobody is pleased with being constipated either. We’re in the third camp: we want to help you avoid both!

Per MedicalNewsToday, “Constipation is a condition of the digestive system where an individual has hard feces that are difficult to expel.” This acute condition occurs when the colon absorbs water from the feces; something that the colon does until feces exit the bowels.

If feces remain in the colon too long, they will become hard and dry. Consequently, they may be very painful to expel.

Jordan Karlitz, M.D., a gastroenterologist and assistant clinical professor a Tulane University’s School of Medicine, says “The key is having enough fiber in your diet. You want a good balance of soluble and insoluble fiber as well as enough water intake.” Soluble fiber stimulates fecal water absorption, while insoluble fiber encourages healthy intestinal movement.

Karlitz says that of all the main culprits of constipation, a poor diet is number one.

With this in mind, here are 10 foods to eat if you are constipated:

1. Almonds

As you may know, almonds are packed with heart-healthy fats and various nutrients. They are also an excellent source of soluble fiber, with two handfuls containing about 3.5 grams.

2. Broccoli

Research shows that not eating enough fruits and vegetables makes one more susceptible to constipation. When battling constipation, broccoli is one of the healthier choices, with over 5 grams of insoluble fiber per cup.

3. Black beans

Black beans are one of the most abundant sources of soluble fiber around, containing over 15 grams in just 1 cup. These legumes are also an excellent source of protein. If you’re constipated, these tasty beans should be on your plate.

4. Ground flaxseed

Flaxseed is an incredibly versatile fiber source. Ground flaxseed can be added to pretty much any kind of food or beverage (they’re fantastic as a smoothie ingredient!) One tablespoon of the stuff contains almost 3 grams of soluble fiber.

foods for constipation

RELATED: Here’s Why You Should Eat Flaxseed Every Day

5. High-fiber cereal

Breakfast time is an opportunity to attack constipation first thing in the morning. Skip the sugar-laden stuff and reach for cereal that contains at least 5 grams of fiber per serving. Dr. Karlitz recommends Fiber 1 and All Bran.

6. Oatmeal

Speaking of breakfast, oatmeal is an excellent choice because of its wide range of health benefits. In addition to being heart healthy, oatmeal helps balance cholesterol levels and eases digestion. A ¾ cup serving of oats contains 3 grams of soluble fiber.

7. Prunes or prune juice

Prunes contain a substance known as dihydrophenylisatin, a natural laxative that aids muscles contractions. The fruit also include sorbitol, a sugar alcohol that may also serve as a laxative. Individuals sensitive to sugar substitutes should refrain, however.

8. Yogurt

As a general rule, it’s smart to stay away from the dairy when constipated. However, yogurt is an exception to this rule due to its high concentration of healthy bacteria, i.e., probiotics. Try a low sugar kind, such as Greek yogurt.

9. Strawberries

The tiny seeds in strawberries are what gives them their high soluble fiber content. If you’re not a strawberry fan, a ripe banana will provide roughly the same amount.

10. Whole Wheat Bread

Whole wheat bread is low in fat and high in dietary fiber and complex carbs – nutritional attributes that may help ease constipation. The average slice of whole wheat contains, on average, twice the amount of dietary fiber than white.

Wonder why you’re battling constipation? Want to know what else you can do to ease your tummy troubles? Here are some quick facts about the condition to use as a reference:

– Constipation generally occurs because too much water is absorbed by the colon.

– Causes of constipation include aging, certain medications, and a sedentary lifestyle.

– Certain lifestyle changes, i.e., better diet and more exercise, usually results in fewer episodes of constipation.

– Use of laxatives should be reserved as a last resort (they may negatively alter bowel function and become addictive.)

– Some people may become constipated by consuming milk or other dairy products.

– Individuals with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) usually experience constipation much more frequently than others.

– During pregnancy, women are more susceptible to constipation due to hormonal fluctuations and uterus compression.

– Metabolism slows as we age, in turn reducing intestinal activity. The result is more frequent bouts of constipation.

Sources:
https://greatist.com/eat/best-foods-constipation
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/150322.php

10 Signs Your Partner Is Breadcrumbing You

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What is breadcrumbing, first of all? It’s a new slang that means “stringing you along.”

“Breadcrumbing is the conscious act of leading someone on for the thrill of the ego boost. It’s the ‘hot’ cycle in the game of hot and cold. Designed to lure in one’s prey through attention, flattery and sexual intrigue, breadcrumbing is completely self-serving. It’s a head trip, played for control and domination,” says author and relationship expert, Susan Winter.

Plenty of relationships have had this particular phenomenon occur. It’s sending noncommittal but flirtatious messages or giving someone just enough attention to keep them interested so the other person has someone on standby.

It’s not fun, and plenty of people might not realize that their partner is “breadcrumbing” them in the first place. Here are some signs that your partner isn’t as invested as you are.

“Breadcrumbing is worse than ghosting because it is more sadistic. Breadcrumbing is a slow and painful death of a relationship, whereas ghosting makes it clear — eventually — that the person is gone.” – Carole Lieberman, M.D.

10 Signs Your Partner Is Breadcrumbing You

breadcrumbing

1. They send sporadic messages

Are you getting messages from them every once in a while but not consistently? You might be getting breadcrumbed if you’re not communicating consistently with them. They send you a message every couple of days, but only on their terms because “their ego is fulfilled when they reach out to you after months and you accepted their previous behavior and continue in a cycle of a dis-satisfactory relationship. Your ego, on the other hand, begins to take a hit to your self-esteem,” says behavioral scientist and relationship expert Clarissa Silva.

2. The messages are meaningless

Sure, sometimes they send you messages with some substance, but usually, it’s just a message that says, “what are you up to?” or “what’s up?” The messages lack substance and pull you back when you feel like they’re drifting away.

3. The messages are vague

They always seem to have a vague message to them, but you never really know what they mean. They say you should hang out soon but never make concrete plans. This is a red flag that you’re being strung by someone who is breadcrumbing you.

4. They want to hook up

When someone is breadcrumbing you, it’s probably because they want to hook up without any commitment. “Sometimes the breadcrumbing happens due to circumstances in someone’s life and they have no idea that they are doing it. Other times, someone is just not ready for a commitment,” says psychologist and relationship expert Dr. Jennifer Rhodes.

“Maybe the relationship started out great, you went out together, and had fun, but now you only hang out for late night happy hour and a quickie afterward. Don’t fool yourself: It isn’t a real relationship. They just want to see you once in a while for one reason, and you’re not they only one they’re doing this to,” says relationship expert April Davis.

When you do see each other, it’s usually to get physically intimate pretty quickly. This might be a red flag if you notice your partner is all about hooking up.

wasting time quote

5. They’re noncommittal

You can’t seem to pin them down for anything. They even like to pull the “I don’t like labels” line. While that may be true, it’s probably more likely that they’re breadcrumbing you. This is usually combined with sporadic messages and always wanting to hook up.

Breadcrumbers “… communicate via sporadic noncommittal, but repeated messages — or breadcrumbs — that are just enough to keep you wondering but not enough to seal the deal (whatever that deal may be). Breadcrumbers check in consistently with a romantic prospect, but never set up a date,” says author Jessica Bennett.

6. You don’t feel good

You don’t feel good about a message when you get it. Maybe there’s the initial excitement of getting in contact, but afterward, you start to feel not so great about it. Your heart is racing and you may feel anxiety about the next time they’re going to contact you.

7. You’re wondering what you did wrong

Every time you can’t seem to get ahold of them, or every time there’s a long period between messages, you’re left wondering just what you did wrong. Of course, it was never anything you did wrong in the first place, but the feeling still won’t leave.

8. They always seem to know just when you’re getting over them

While it’s not psychic abilities, it’s probably keeping up with your social media.

“When you’ve finally given up hope, the breadcrumber psychically senses your absence. Suddenly, they resurface. Now, the game begins again with more flattery and alluring bait… also known as the breadcrumbs,” adds Winter.

Therefore, if it seems like you’re starting to leave them behind, the bread crumber will tend to reach out to you to make sure that you remember them. It can easily draw you right back in.

9. Late night texts

All day long they had the opportunity to send you a message, but they seem to always send you something late at night. 2 am, 3 am, or later, even. It’s always a message asking what you’re doing, as if you’re not lying in bed trying to get to sleep. This is usually an excuse to make sure that you’re thinking of them even when they’re not thinking of you.

“Remember, he doesn’t actually want you – he simply wants to play. This new method is toxic and suffocating because it turns a tease into confusion and heartache. You don’t need to know that you’re being thought of at 4am. You need to be thought of at 4pm – when the sun is still up,” says publisher and stylist Stacey O’Keeffe.

10. Passive aggressive

If your partner always seems to get passive-aggressive or manipulative when you try to confront them about breadcrumbing you, it’s probably a sign that they’re doing just that “because breadcrumbing is passive-aggressive behavior,” says relationship counselor and Gestalt therapist Clinton Power.

People who get defensive and passive-aggressive about their behavior probably don’t want to be called out about it.

breadcrumbing

Final Thoughts on Knowing the Signs of Breadcrumbing

Being on the other end of breadcrumbing can be frustrating. It often makes a person feel worthless and depressed since they can’t understand why they’re not worth someone’s whole commitment. But, if you find yourself on the other end of breadcrumbing, you’ll be able to recognize the signs.

“Call them out on their bad behavior. Clarify you know this game and you’re not interested. Walk away… and keep walking. There’s no rehabilitation for an ego in need of this level of compensation,” concludes Winter.

Cutting someone off and stringing you along will make everything much easier for you in the long run.

10 Signs It’s Time to Detox Your Soul

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Detoxing for the body is pretty common. Our bodies take in so many things that aren’t good for us that sometimes we need to detox and get back to the basics. But, a lot of people don’t know that the same thing can happen to our souls. Our minds and bodies can both be filled with negatives and things that are bad for our health.

“Many health professionals identify depressive rumination as the root cause of unhappiness,” says Dr. Andrew Weil.

These are some signs to watch out for when it’s time to detox your soul, and how to start letting things go and getting your soul back in order…

Here Are 10 Signs Your Soul Needs Detoxification

1. You seek negativity

As the old saying goes “misery loves company”. When you find yourself scrolling through various news feeds or reading things that you know will upset you, then it’s time to step back and think about detoxing your soul.

“Negative people can drag you down over time, and you might not even realise it until it’s been happening for too long. It’s certainly worth mentioning that there’s a big difference between a negative person, and a person that happens to be going through a negative situation – so be mindful of that possibility,” says business mentor Bev James.

Turning off your device and connecting with people you love is a great way to stop seeking misery and feeding bad things to your soul.

2. You’re not mindful when you speak

Do you find that most of the time when you start to talk, everything you say is sarcastic? Do you tend to hurt people’s feelings or put them off without meaning to? That calls for a detox of the soul. You’re not being mindful of the things you say because you’re so full of negativity. Purposefully uplifting others and thinking of kind things can help with this.

3. Your friends don’t want to be around you

If you’re constantly giving off negative vibes, then it’s no wonder that your friends probably don’t want to hang around you as much. This is a major red flag that your soul needs some serious detoxing so that you can start connecting with your friends again. No longer seeking negativity and surrounding yourself with people who make you happy will do wonders.

4. You feel numb

Emotions are what make us human. No emotion is bad. Emotions are neutral, and it’s how we deal with them that make the situation better or worse. But when you start to feel numb, and nothing is either good or bad, it’s time to detox your soul.

“We treat the chronic pain with pain medication. We treat the insomnia with sleeping pills. We treat the weight issues with diet and exercise. And most damagingly, we may label soul loss as mental illness, such as depression, and cover up the symptoms with psychiatric medications that may make things worse by slapping a Band-aid on a wound that’s not healing underneath the bandage,” says physician, speaker and author Lissa Rankin, MD.

Therefore, getting in touch with all of your senses can kickstart your emotions back into gear and help you heal that wound underneath the bandage.

soul detox

5. You enjoy other people’s misfortunes

Instead of feeling sympathy or empathy when things go wrong for other people, you find yourself being gleeful that something is going wrong for someone else for a change. How would you want others to react if you were in their shoes? Confronting the ugliness honestly is the best way to detox.

“The problem is that many bitter people don’t know they are bitter. since they are so convinced that they are right, they can’t see their own wrong in the mirror. And the longer the root of bitterness grows, the more difficult it is to remove.” – Craig Groeschel

6. Happy people annoy you

Being surrounded by others who are happy can make you feel even more miserable. You may feel cut off from your positive emotions.

“A trait that many happy people share is the ability to accept things as they are. While we don’t have control over everything that happens in the outside world, we can control what happens inside of us: how we choose to think, feel and react to those outside situations. The quality of our lives is determined by those very thoughts and actions,” says story-teller and copywriter Dawn Gluskin

Meditating and keeping yourself surrounded by a support system of people you love will help lift this particular negative feeling and help you detox your soul. Happiness should be contagious, not upsetting.

7. You don’t sleep well

Either you have a hard time falling asleep, staying asleep, or waking up. Maybe you have nightmares that wake you up in the middle of the night. This is your soul trying to tell you that you need to detox, immediately. Meditation can be a great tool to help if you realign your soul and get you more sleep so you can feel positive during the day.

8. You’re always the victim

At least, that’s how you see yourself. You’re always the one who has been slighted, or someone has done wrong against you. If you find yourself in situations where you’re always being victimized, it might be time to take a serious look at your soul, and ask yourself: are you really the victim here? Maybe the negativity has just caught up with you.

“Negative thoughts give birth to negative words, which in turn create more negative thoughts. Train yourself to notice whenever you are thinking, speaking, or even behaving in a negative manner, and as soon as you notice it stop yourself and turn it around,” says author Dar Payment.

9. You avoid meditation or prayer

These activities are what force us to spend time with ourselves and our thoughts in our most honest and vulnerable moments. If you’re avoiding doing this, it’s probably because there’s something inside your soul that you don’t want to confront. Take it baby steps at a time and focus on meditating more and more each day until you can start the detoxing that your soul needs.

“Meditation soothes the soul. Turning inward is a beautiful way to clear away the muck of spiritual junk food. Listening to your internal wisdom is a quick path to shedding that which does not serve you,” says inspirational speaker and yoga teacher Rebecca Butler.

10. You’re always bored

Nothing seems fulfilling. Your hobbies don’t entice you anymore and nothing sounds fun. Your soul is in need of some serious detoxing so that you can start feeling emotionally connected to the things that you love again. Reaching out to your support network and getting in touch with the things you love again will be a big help.

Final thoughts

“When bad chemicals build up in our bodies, it causes a toxic overload. This can make us feel lethargic or even make us sick. In a similar way, negative emotions can build up in our bodies, too. This can weigh heavily on our minds, spirits and bodies when ignored,” say Dr. Eric & Sabrina Ann Zielinski.

Our bodies and our souls both need attention when it comes to negativity and things that are bad for us. Keep in mind these red flags if your soul needs a serious detox. It’s not just our bodies that can become sick – so can our souls and our minds.

References:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/margaret-hyde/cleansing_b_1375150.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/bev-james/the-6-step-negativity-det_b_17725138.html
https://drericz.com/emotional-healing/
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-20587/11-signs-you-need-a-spiritual-detox-how-to-make-it-happen.html
https://www.darpayment.com/signs-you-need-a-spiritual-detox/
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/dawn-gluskin/positive-thinking_b_2623144.html
http://lissarankin.com/20-diagnostic-signs-that-youre-suffering-from-soul-loss

Experts Describe 5 Ways to Handle Infidelity In A Relationship

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Infidelity is horrible – there’s nothing worse than that; it’s devastating. – Jessica Capshaw

Relationship counsellor Lauren Sokolski says, “I think of infidelity or an affair as any sort of extra-‘marital’ relationship that detracts from either the emotional or physical/sexual relationship you are having with your significant other. What I mean by detracting from the main relationship is to do with the energy and attention that is being invested into another person at the expense of the primary relationship.”

When infidelity arises in a relationship, our emotions can get the best of us. We may want to yell, scream and cry, but that isn’t the best, or most mature, course of action. There are ways to deal with infidelity in a relationship that doesn’t include letting yourself give in to your emotions. It may feel like the relationship and trust is forever broken, but that doesn’t always have to be the case. While things may feel impossible, it’s important to take a deep breath and focus your energy on what to do when adultery happens in the relationship.

Here Are 5 Ways To Handle Infidelity In A Relationship

1. Identify the problems in the relationship

Infidelity doesn’t show up in relationships out of nowhere – not usually. Sometimes we can pinpoint it to someone’s poor personality and lack of respect for their partner, but that isn’t always the case. When infidelity occurs, a key reason is that there is something wrong in the relationship.

“… If there is a sincere change in behavior, and if the problems that led to the infidelity are addressed and corrected, and both parties approach the problem with a sincere wish to discover what went wrong and fix it, then forgiveness is an important part of the healing process, whether the couple stay married or not,” says psychotherapist and author Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.

Taking the time to identify what these problems are will mean that the couple will be able to move forward with healing, rather than just wallowing in the pain and guilt of the infidelity. Both partners need to be willing to listen about what the problems and difficulties are.

“I’ve talked with plenty of people who say with pride that they never talked about the affair. That’s not healing. You need to reach the point where you can talk about it without pain. If you never, ever discuss it, you cannot recover,” adds author Peggy Vaughan.

2. Create opportunities to connect

Shutting your partner out is a snap decision for many people struggling with a partner who committed adultery in the relationship. In order to deal with an infidelity with maturity, not allowing yourself to give into the instinct of shutting your partner out is important. Both partners need to be given the opportunity to speak and connect with one another, which includes the partner who sought out the extramarital affair. In order to do this, you need to be able to spend time together talking about both painful topics, as well as spending time without discussing them as well.

“If you’re serious about fixing the problems in your relationship, it’s crucial that you both begin to face each other honestly and openly…. It’s time to take an honest look at what went wrong…. it’s the only way to repair the damage done. Be willing to make the changes that will fix them,” adds Dr. Tessina.

infidelity

RELATED: Never Let A Cheater Get Away With These Excuses…

3. Accepting responsibility

As the offending partner, accepting responsibility is paramount to being able to move forward in the relationship after an affair. The person who had the affair is both responsible for their choices as well as their behavior. Trying to point fingers and say that there’s something in the relation that “made” them become unfaithful is not going to help move past it, nor is that dealing with it in a mature fashion.

“The wounded partner will feel the stirrings of new faith only after multiple proofs of trustworthiness. Atonement cannot occur if the cheater insists that the victim take partial blame for the affair,” says Dr. John Gottman in his book titled ‘What Makes Love Last?’

The only way to deal with infidelity in a mature way is to accept responsibility for the things that you have done.

“Forgiving each other doesn’t mean condoning what happened, or that it would be OK if it happened again. What it does mean, is that you’re willing to close that chapter and move on. Your therapist can help you understand and create mutual forgiveness,” concludes Dr. Tessina.

4. Cut off contact with the affair partner

This is important if the end goal is to reconcile the original relationship. The offending partner should not be continuing to have contact with the person that they had an affair with. To begin rebuilding trust, this is the first and foremost rule. Not only this, but the offending partner must be willing to tell their partner where they are going, so as to help rebuild the trust that was broken by the affair.

Accepting that the trust was once broken and now needs to be rebuilt is important in moving the relationship forward.

5. Therapy or counseling

To move forward from an affair, both partners must be willing to accept help. Some people tend to shut down at the thought of counseling. Perhaps they find it hard to be truthful and open. However, going forward with trying to heal from an infidelity can fall apart without a trained professional to help guide you forward.

“Therapy can provide the opportunity for couples to address feelings openly and honestly in a safe place in order to be able to make some changes in their relationship,” says registered social worker and therapist Lauren Sokolski.

The mature way to deal with an infidelity is to accept help where it is needed, and allow someone to guide you through the steps to help heal. A counselor or therapist can be key, due to being an unbiased and outside observer to the relationship who will not judge either partner.

Final thoughts

When a couple faces an affair in their relationship, it can be something that tears a couple apart. The rift in the relationship can easily grow larger if the affair is not dealt with in a mature manner. Get the help early to prevent from burning bridges permanently. Giving into your basic instincts to fight and shut down will only break the relationship further.

“The couple needs to let go of the parts of their marriage which were not working, and then move towards creating a new dynamic in the relationship. Couples can emerge from an affair with a better sense of who they each are and what they want from their relationship,” says licensed marriage and family therapist David Klow.

Accepting responsibility, allowing yourself to connect with your partner and identifying the problems in the relationship will allow the couple to move forward and heal.

References:
https://clintonpower.com.au/2013/10/adultery-infidelity-damages/
https://www.askmen.com/dating/cheating.html
https://www.gottman.com/product/what-makes-love-last/
https://www.self.com/story/why-some-couples-can-recover-after-cheating-and-others-cant
https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/15-steps-to-surviving-an-affair/

Science Explains Why People Think Bald Men Are Highly Attractive

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“Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.” – Larry David

Men, fear not. If you ever worried about your receding hairline or the thinning out of your gorgeous locks, you no longer have anything to fear. Science is finally on your side. According to a study conducted by the University of Pennsylvania, “men with shaved heads were rated as more dominant than similar men with full heads of hair.”

Ladies, there’s a reason that you find men with less hair more attractive in some cases. That is to say, science has some proof as to why bald men are considered more attractive, more confident, and have more sex appeal than their full-haired counterparts.

The above-mentioned study has found that men who are bald are perceived differently than men who have a full head of hair, or men who have half a head of hair. What’s the deal? Why are bald men considered sexier than men who aren’t? Baldness isn’t entirely for old men any more. Studies show that 80% of men tend to have some amount of hair loss by the time they’re 50. Research has now shown that this isn’t a bad thing.

3 Reasons Why Bald Men Are More Attractive

shaving

1. Accepting baldness raises your confidence level

Men tend to become anxious and worried about their thinning hair. They try to cover it up or ignore it. However, a new study has found that it’s easier to just accept the balding or thinning hair and just shave it all off. By shaving off his hair, the man has accepted the fact that he is balding. With this acceptance comes a confidence that can no longer be wavered by societal pressure. After all, a bald head has become more and more accepted by the outside world.

“Men, when pictured with shaved heads, are viewed as more dominant, more masculine and in some cases even physically taller and stronger than men with hair,” says Wharton Professor Al Mannes.

Confidence is one of the sexiest things about anyone, whether they’re a man or a woman. Many people know that confidence is key when it comes to sex appeal as well. When a man accepts his bald head by continuing to keep his hair shaved, he makes himself seem sexier by exuding confidence. Women often find confidence very attractive, which is one of the main reasons that bald heads are now considered far more attractive.

2. Women now notice a man’s face

When we look at people, sometimes the very first thing we notice is their hair, even if we’re looking right at their face. That’s why we tend to give people we don’t know epithets like “the blond one”, or in trying to jog someone’s memory we might say, “he had brown hair.” When a man no longer has hair, and he is bald, women tend to look directly at the man’s face. More specifically, they look right into his eyes.

“… in the absence of hair, women look at the eyes instead and we know that first impressions count the most, therefore men with no hair whatsoever direct a lady’s attention to their eyes instead and if they are able to maintain eye-contact they can create rapport more easily,” states FirstMalta.com.

Eye contact is an extremely powerful form of body language that many researchers have said exudes both confidence and attraction when done correctly. Women who must now look into a man’s eyes in the absence of a full head of hair find them more attractive due to the prolonged eye contact. By using eye contact, men and women can establish trust more easily, and with easier trust comes easier attraction.

 

gray hair

RELATED: 5 Reasons to Never Ignore Gray Hair

3. Motherly instincts

In another theory, the research suggests that men with shaved heads can often remind women of children or babies. This isn’t to say that they’re more attractive because of looking like children. Indeed, it happens because motherly instincts start to kick in for the woman. Not every woman has this same instinct, but many women do.

She looks at man with a bald head, her motherly instincts take over and she becomes endeared to him. This connection can spawn genuine attraction once the man and woman get to know one another. While this is only a theory, it’s still one possible reason that men without hair draw more women to them and are considered more attractive.

Final Thoughts on Why Bald Men Are Hot

Baldness is no longer considered the death sentence of a man’s attractiveness. Many men find that losing their hair makes them feel psychological distress. Thankfully, with the new trends in society, this no longer has to be the case. Men with bald heads are more common and more accepted than ever. In fact, many women prefer dating bald-headed men, finding them the most attractive.

Not only that, but research now supports what women have already known. Men with bald heads aren’t unattractive, but quite the opposite. They’re far more attractive than other men with hair. Whatever the reason, whether it’s because women can make easier eye contact, or bald men exude higher confidence, women, and science both agree.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
References:
http://opim.wharton.upenn.edu/DPlab/papers/publishedPapers/Mannes_2012_%20Shorn%20scalps%20and%20perceptions%20of%20male%20dominance.pdf
http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2012/11/19/study-baldness-can-make-men-appear-dominant-strong/
http://blog.firstmalta.com/2016/03/30/bald-men-are-sexier-more-masculine-scientific-study-finds/
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