Having a relationship that maintains a healthy balance is challenging. Sadly, many toxic beliefs can stand in the way and cause issues between you and the one you love. Do you and your partner have problems because one or both of you have toxic views?
Sadly, you’re not alone, as relationships take hard work. According to Psych Central, dynamics, practices, beliefs, feelings, suppressed memories, and emotions come together. Sorting through all the past baggage and the current issues can be overwhelming, but it can be done by changing your mindset.
Fifteen Common Toxic Beliefs That Ruin Relationships
If some toxic beliefs are between you and your spouse, then it can cause significant trouble. Here are some of the beliefs and thoughts in a relationship that can become lethal to your union.
1. It’s Your Way Or The Highway
In a perfect world, everything would always go your way. However, one of the toxic beliefs that can ruin your relationship is thinking that your opinion is the only one that counts. Having a partner means learning to give and take, and you’re not always right.
A black and white mindset is a recipe for disaster. You must understand that there is sometimes a gray area that you must explore. Being one-sided will cause issues in your relationship.
If you feel that dating is done once you get married or move in together, you may have some issues. To keep your union strong, you must carve out time for each other. No matter how hectic your days and nights are, nurturing your relationship should take top priority.
3. Work Comes First
Yes, your job is essential as it gives you money to live. However, don’t ever put a career over those you love. Your job will replace you in a heartbeat should things go south, but it’s your family that will remain when the going gets tough.
It’s a toxic belief that work takes the top spot in your life. If you elevate your career over people, then you will likely end up alone.
4. White Lies Are Acceptable
It’s never okay to tell your partner something that isn’t true. Even if you think that the truth is too hard to handle, it’s always best to be upfront and honest from the start.
5. Trust Cannot Be Re-Established
When you’ve been together for any length of time, you will learn that the person you idolize is a human being, and humans are fallible. Your partner will fail you many times, but it’s learning to rebuild that trust that makes or breaks your relationship. Some people believe that cheating is the ultimate sin in a partnership, but the American Psychological Association states that only 20-40 percent of those relationships end in divorce.
Even if your spouse does the unthinkable, you need to learn how to forgive and build trust. Forgiveness does just as much for you as it does for them.
6. Your Needs Are Superior
Do you come first, no matter what? This toxic belief will send you to divorce court quicker than anything. When you elevate your needs and wants above that of your family, then you’re acting selfishly. Some might even say these are the actions of a narcissist, yet it isn’t always the case.
Your desires are essential, but you must consider the needs of your spouse too. If you’re genuinely in love, you will put their needs above yours in many instances. Say your partner wants to go out for burgers, but you like Mexican food. You might give in because you know that you want to make them happy too.
7. Your Happiness Is The Responsibility of Others
Wow, why do people always think that their happiness is the responsibility of others? If you’re not happy, then it’s time for you to do a self-inventory. Granted, there are situations where you can feel like your partner is making you miserable, but ultimately your happiness falls on you.
In a perfect world, the sun would shine every day, there would be no stormy skies, and rainbows would be commonplace. However, life doesn’t always go the way you plan. For every sunny day comes one that’s filled with thunder and lightning and torrential downpours.
It’s an unrealistic thought that there won’t be any struggles in your relationship. The rough patches are what bind you and teach you to work better as a couple. Additionally, if things were sunshine and roses all the time, would you be able to enjoy the beautiful fragrance that wafts through the air after a spring rain?
Life is about embracing the good and the bad times, and in a relationship, there will be plenty of both. Having realistic expectations is essential to ensure that things stay on even kilter between you and your partner.
9. Communication Isn’t Important
When you first fell in love, you would text, call, or message on social media throughout the day. Why would you think that this should change just because you make things official? When you don’t have proper communication or a shift in communication, you must be aware that it will change your relationship.
Also, if you once texted ten times a day and now you don’t text at all, it’s going to cause suspicions to grow from your partner. They may think you’re cheating, or something is wrong since you’re aloof.
10. Finances Shouldn’t Be Discussed
The old method of budgeting, where one person handles all the finances, is out. According to MadameNoire, both parties need to have a hand in the bills. Imagine never seeing a statement, not knowing how much the outgoing expenses are, and not knowing what’s coming in versus what’s going out.
Both parties need to be in the loop, even if just one person is paying the bills. Whether you put your checks together or not, you need to ensure that you both have a general idea of what’s going on in the finance department.
11. The Past Is Irrelevant
If you believe the past doesn’t count, you would be mistaken. The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past actions. Each person carries a certain amount of baggage with them that they need to unload.
Some folks have experienced horrible things like abuse, while others have gone through a broken heart that nearly destroyed them. The toxic belief that your past is irrelevant is sadly untrue. Your history helps mold you into who you are, but you don’t have to let it dictate your tomorrow by learning to get beyond those events.
12. Keeping Secrets
No, you cannot keep secrets from your partner. Well, you can, but if you choose not to disclose certain parts of your life, then you can rest assured it will cause trouble down the line. The open dialogue between you and your spouse needs to be honest and constant.
Before you keep something from the one you love, ask yourself why you feel uncomfortable telling them. Will they be mad if they find out what you’re hiding? Chances are they will be angrier that you didn’t tell them in the first place.
13. There Doesn’t Need To Be Friends or Family Time
It can’t be just you two and no one else. You need to allow your partner to have time with their family and friends, just like you need time away from your spouse too. Many people help mold and make you into the person you are today, but you can’t just isolate these folks because you’ve found love.
14. Self-Care Isn’t Important
Your self-care is essential to your overall well-being. There’s no way that you can nurture and care for your spouse, children, and others without first taking care of yourself. It would help if you had that time where you can collect your thoughts and recharge your batteries.
15. Intimacy Can Be Put On The Back Burner
The personal needs of a person are of vital importance. You cannot ignore the physical needs of your spouse, and if you don’t make this a matter of priority, they may look outside the relationship to have their needs met. This fact sounds unfair, but we all know the stories. Even when the whole world is crashing in around you, an embrace, kiss, or some affection is warranted.
Did you see anything on this list that you find as a significant issue in your relationship? Toxic beliefs can destroy the good thing you have going, but this will only happen if you allow it. Remember, you have the power to change your destiny.
Even if you’ve had toxic beliefs that harmed your relationships in the past, they do not have to dictate your future. You can make changes and work on things to ensure that the one you love today will still be with you tomorrow. Changing your mindset and alleviating toxic thoughts and beliefs can change everything.