It can be mind-boggling to find yourself in a relationship where nothing turns out like you thought it would. You may begin to question whether you really know the person that you’re sleeping next to every night. Before you start to over analyze the situation though, you should ask yourself if your partner has really changed, or did you have unrealistic expectations of how you wanted things to go in the first place?
We are only human, and it is perfectly reasonable to expect the best from your significant other. However, to think that your relationship will be nothing, but smooth sailing is improbable. Disappointment is almost a promise when entering a relationship with unrealistic goals of how it should work.
How to Deal With Disappointment
Having fairytale expectations for any long-term relationship will only lead to a headache. The best part of being in a relationship is knowing that there is someone there for you through the good times and the bad. If you go into a new relationship thinking you will forgo the ups and downs that come along with it, you will have to learn how to deal with disappointment.
In the long run, your partner may begin to resent you for having unreasonable relationship expectations. It is essential to understand that you are both individuals, with your own thoughts, wants, and needs. Things can’t be perfect all the time, but we can be respectful all the time.
Expectations Vs. Reality
Many of us, through no fault of our own, will try to mimic the traditional relationships that we see on television or read about in books. We tend to try this out early in life because generally, these are the first times we see the way relationships play out besides our parents. Unfortunately, there’s a lot that happens after living happily ever after. Real life includes a certain amount of disappointment.
Not a Fairytale Ending
As mentioned, most real-life relationships don’t follow the happy ending theme. Throughout your lives together, there will be triumphs, and there will be a disappointment. The key to getting to the good times is to get through the bad ones.
Your partner cannot see the future. They do not have a crystal ball either, so expecting them to know what you’re thinking at all times is a surefire way to set yourself up for disappointment.
Always keep in mind that your significant other has their own jumble of thoughts rolling around in their head. If you want them to know something you will have to tell them.
Things are Not Always Perfect
Your relationship will be tested, that is a fact. Nothing can last forever without hitting some bumps in the road. Whether your relationship can withstand the test of time is entirely up to two people involved. Every relationship has its snags. Learning how to deal with disappointment, and not always getting your way about things is imperative to getting through the harder times.
Typically, at the beginning of a relationship infatuation flows freely, and vigorously. It’s hard to comprehend a time where you can keep your hands off each other, but it will happen. Over time, as the honeymoon period fades away the want and need to be close to your significant other all the time will subside a bit as well. This does not mean that your partner no longer desires you, it just means you are entering a new phase in the relationship.
You must remember, when it comes to your other half, you should be aiming for quality time, not quantity. You will have to deal with disappointment when you set unrealistic passion intensity goals.
Recognize Your Differences
Minor differences in a relationship should be celebrated, not discouraged. We all have our ideas and perspectives. Your partner should always be there for you emotionally and physically when you need them. They are not, however, obligated to bend to your will and agree with everything that you say. They are still their own person. You are almost guaranteed disappointment if you think that your partner will concede with everything you say for the rest of your lives together.
The best way to go into a new relationship or first date is to have zero expectations. Of course, the person should treat you with respect and appreciate you for who you are. Those two things are a given. Nonetheless, we should always receive our partners with an open heart and an open mind. Not with some preconceived notion of how we think they should be.
It isn’t fair to project our ideas of what a perfect man or woman should or shouldn’t be onto our significant others. Doing so will only lead to having to deal with disappointment and frustration. You should love your partner for who they are, not who you want them to be.