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3 Ways Apathy Breaks a Relationship (And How to Fix It)

November 4, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Do you feel like your relationship has fizzled out? Have you and your partner stopped interacting in a loving, passionate, or even positive way? Do you think that your partner doesn’t care about you or the relationship anymore? Do you struggle to bring yourself to care, too? If those things describe your situation, your relationship may have developed relationship apathy.

It’s a difficult situation and can be a confusing time for a couple. But just like most relationship problems, it’s something that can be overcome. Here are three positive ways to fix relationship apathy.

1. Determine The Cause Of The Apathy

You can’t fix a problem that you don’t know the source of. While there can be numerous combined factors for relationship apathy, most stem from one primary source. Determining that source will give you and your partner something to focus on as you work on fixing the issue. Here are the possible causes of the relationship apathy you face:

· Routine

Many long-term relationships fall into a routine. There’s a nice feeling of reliability in those routines, but they can also generate apathy. You might start going through the motions without much thought. This can create a situation where you navigate your relationship on autopilot. That loss of deeper human connection is an apparent cause of apathy.

· Boredom

Healthy relationships are often ones where you feel safe. This is, again, a good thing! But when taken to an extreme, that safety can also breed boredom. When was the last time you tried anything new with your partner? Is your relationship predictable and the same day-in, day-out? That can kill the spark there because no kindling has been added to the fire in a while!

· Complacency Breeds Apathy

Feeling secure in your relationship is a fantastic thing. But sometimes, that security can lead to complacency. Everything is safe, so you don’t feel the need to protect anything. This can lead to everything being taken for granted and effort being abandoned in favor of sitting back and doing nothing. Relationships don’t have to involve tireless, nonstop work, but they require equal effort from all parties.

· Apathy Leads to Avoidance

Are there problems in the relationship that have gone on for longer than they should have? Are they big issues that have caused significant damage? When they’re hard to face, these problems could cause those in the relationship to avoid them. You might want to act like everything’s fine until the issue goes away, even if that’s not healthy, let alone possible.

· Mental Health

Apathy can also be caused by issues that are entirely outside of the relationship. These typically tie in with mental health. Apathy is a prominent symptom of disorders like depression and can be a sign of a bigger problem. As positive thinking decreases, an individual facing these issues will feel more and more numb. Their apathy, stemming from one single factor, will slowly spread into all aspects of their lives. If you think this is the cause of the apathy in your relationship, the apathetic individual may require professional help.

· Loss Of Interest

People drift apart and fall out of love. It’s sad, but it’s true. If your relationship seems to have reached its natural endpoint, it might be time to let it go. This isn’t to say that you can’t fall in love again, rekindle passion, or work through the rough period. But both parties have to be wholly committed to that effort, or it won’t work. If this is the source of relationship apathy, it’s time to take a long, hard look at the relationship. You’ll have to do some reflecting before deciding on your next steps.

It’s Not Apathy! Sometimes, you can misdiagnose a problem in a relationship. And let’s face it, lots of things can look like apathy. Your partner may have a different way of communicating love than you, so to you, it seems like they don’t care. They might be going through a tough time and cannot dedicate more energy to the relationship at this juncture. You may have different interests, so you tend to spend more time apart. Or your partner may have no idea that you think they’re behaving apathetically. Move forward with positive thinking, an open mind, and an understanding heart. Don’t be so sure that your love has fizzled out when it could be something much simpler!

2. Communicate to Overcome Apathy

It’s terribly cliche to say that communication is central to healthy relationships. But it’s a cliche because it’s true! The number one positive step in handling any relationship problem is through communication. Of course, the communication must be done well, without toxic features, to work. Here are some tips for communicating with your partner to fix relationship apathy:

· Voice Your Concerns

You need to tell your partner how you feel if you want them to know about it! If you don’t voice your concerns, they might have no clue that there’s an issue, or they might not realize they’re contributing to it. Explaining your emotions, fears, and thoughts opens up the table for a positive exchange of feelings. Getting things out there doesn’t make them any more real than they already were. When everything’s out in the open, you’ll have a better idea of what’s going on.

· Encourage Your Partner To Voice Their Concerns

Of course, the aforementioned idea of what’s going on is incomplete without your partner’s input. If the relationship apathy has been ongoing for a while, they might be resistant to being vulnerable again. Encourage your partner to consider the discussion table a safe space. Please express your interest in their feelings, affirm your care for them, and make your desire to help the relationship clear. If beneficial, you can develop a conversation system that you agree to stand by during these discussions.

· Understand Your Partner’s Perspective

During communication regarding relationship apathy, there should be no invalidation of emotion from either partner. You should both seek to listen and understand each other instead of speaking and defending yourself as a priority. Instead of taking your partner’s words as an attack, put yourself in their shoes. Empathize with who they are, their values, and past experiences to truly understand where they come from. Listening should be what you both focus on most!

· Take Responsibility For Your Faults

Once you’ve heard your partner’s side and they’ve heard yours, it’s time to reflect. What things have you done that contributed to the state of the relationship? What actions should you have taken? Which behaviors should you not have performed? Could you have handled or done something better? You and your partner both need to hold yourself accountable, as no relationship fades from the actions of one alone. Taking responsibility allows you to move forward on the same page with a favorable agreement to work on yourself.

· Seek Counseling for the Relationship Apathy

Relationship counseling can be a beneficial way to encourage open communication with a trained professional. A counselor can help to bring out chief concerns and recommend a course of action. They can also mediate more intense discussions and teach you positive communication methods outside of the therapy room.

3. Bring Life Back Into The Relationship

Relationship apathy can feel like the relationship has died. Nothing interesting happens in it, and everything feels dry. But you and your partner have the power to revive it to its full glory, coupled with all the years of experience and love! Here are some ways to do this positively:

· Break The Routine to Beat Apathy

Schedule a date night and break the monotony of your everyday daily life. This will breathe some life into your typical routine. You can use this time to do things you always loved doing together but haven’t done recently. You can shake things up a little by indulging in a more romantic experience than usual. Anything that changes your day to make it less predictable is a great start.

· Try Something New

Novel experiences strengthen bonds. Doing new things together will help you to both gain new experiences. You can share new memories and deepen your bond through these exciting events! It can be something as simple as trying a new restaurant. It can be something as low effort as baking a new recipe together. Or maybe you can do something adrenaline-pumping, like going bungee jumping. It can be adventurous, like going on a road trip. It can be intimate, like trying something new in the bedroom. The key is to make it unique. It’s all part of your fresh start!

· React Positively To Your Partner’s Efforts

You want to continually encourage your partner to join you in reigniting your relationship. If you don’t react well to their attempts, it’ll only discourage them further. Be welcoming of their efforts and show how much you love and appreciate them. The more encouraged they feel, the more likely they are to continue and to reciprocate when you direct your efforts. Of course, this doesn’t mean to get so extreme with this that it becomes condescending! A little positivity goes a long way.

· Be Your Confident, Genuine Self

Your partner fell in love with who you were and who you are. If you’ve lost some of that over time in the relationship, it’s time to bring the best parts of yourself back to the forefront. It’s not unusual for people to accidentally let go of some of their defining traits when they become “joined” with a partner. Release that unhealthy habit and get back to being true to yourself. Focus on your independence, your happiness, your passions, and the things that bring life to your world. When that life flows back into you, it’ll sail into the relationship, too.

· Truly Enjoy Your Partner’s Company

You and your partner got together because you loved being around each other. That doesn’t have to change, ever. Have fun together. Let loose and laugh. Be a little silly and let your expression show how much you cherish and enjoy their company. When this enjoyment is genuine, love can be rekindled with enthusiasm.

Final Thoughts On Some Positive Ways To Fix Relationship Apathy

Relationship apathy can feel like a death sentence to a partnership, but it doesn’t have to be. If both parties are willing to put in the effort necessary to fix it, you can overcome any obstacles you face.

Researchers Reveal How Your Nose Can Smell Danger

November 4, 2021 by Kristen Lawrence

Researchers at Karolinska Institutet have discovered that our sense of smell helps us detect and respond to threats. Being able to smell danger improves our chances of survival. For example, if you smell toxic fumes or rotting food, your instincts probably tell you to run.

Naturally, we want to avoid unpleasant odors because they may lead to fatal consequences. On the contrary, we seek out pleasant smells since our brain associates them with a possible reward.

The team used an innovative technique to determine what happens in the brain when we smell danger. The study, published in the journal PNAS, indicates that we process unpleasant smells much faster than positive smells. This response probably occurs so we can respond quickly to any perceived threats. Unsurprisingly, negative aromas trigger a physical avoidance response when the brain signals to the nervous system.

“The human avoidance response to unpleasant smells associated with danger has long been seen as a conscious cognitive process, but our study shows for the first time that it’s unconscious and extremely rapid,” says the study’s first author Behzad Iravani, a researcher at the Department of Clinical Neuroscience, Karolinska Institutet.

The olfactory organ comprises about 5% of the human brain, allowing us to differentiate between millions of smells. Many of these smells can threaten our health and survival, such as chemicals or spoiled food. The brain processes odor signals in just 100 to 150 milliseconds after a smell passes through our nose.

Every living being on Earth depends on survival instincts, such as avoiding danger and seeking rewards. For humans, the sense of smell plays a crucial role in identifying and responding to potential threats. Scientists have long wondered how our brains process unpleasant odors and signal us to avoid them.

Researchers Learn How the Sense of Smell Warns Us of Threats

Because no non-invasive methods to measure signals from the olfactory bulb existed previously, it’s been challenging to study. The olfactory bulb represents the first part of the rhinencephalon (aka “nose brain”) with direct connections to essential components of the central nervous system. When signals from the brain travel to this area, our nervous system helps us identify and recall dangerous situations or substances.

For the study, researchers developed a technique to measure signals from the human olfactory bulb for the first time. This part of the brain processes odors and sends signals to the motor cortex and amygdala, which govern movement and avoidance behavior.

Results of the study come from three separate experiments where participants rated their experience of six smells. The researchers included both positive and negative smells in the experiment. They measured the electrophysiological activity of the participants’ olfactory bulbs during their experiences.

What the experts say:

“It was clear that the bulb reacts specifically and rapidly to negative smells and sends a direct signal to the motor cortex within about 300 ms,” says the study’s last author Johan Lundström, associate professor at the Department of Clinical Neuroscience, Karolinska Institutet. “The signal causes the person to unconsciously lean back and away from the source of the smell.”

He added: “The results suggest that our sense of smell is important to our ability to detect dangers in our vicinity, and much of this ability is more unconscious than our response to danger mediated by our senses of vision and hearing.”

The Knut and Alice Wallenberg Foundation, the National Institute on Deafness and Other Communication Disorders, and the Swedish Research Council funded the study. There are no reported conflicts of interest.

It’s fascinating that even though we live in modern environments, we retain many of our survival instincts. We no longer have to run from bears or lions, but our daily lives still present many challenges. Being able to navigate them using our sense of smell, in some cases, might just come in handy.

Four ways to add pleasant aromas to your home

If you want to make your living space more aromatic, we have a few tips. Luckily, most of them cost very little and can add pleasant smells to your environment.

Burn candles or incense. You can choose from probably thousands of different scents to cleanse your home of foul odors. From vanilla to sea breeze to holiday scents like snickerdoodle, you’re sure to find something you like. Alternatively, if you don’t want to inhale smoke from candles, you can opt for wax or oil burners. You can still enjoy various aromas without dealing with byproducts from fire.
Clean your living space. We know it’s not the most fun activity in the world, but it feels better to have a clean home. Make sure to regularly mop the floors, scrub toilets and bathtubs, and wash dishes before they pile up. This diligence will help eliminate any unpleasant smells while keeping your home fresh and spotless.
Keep dirty shoes in the garage. In many Asian countries, it’s customary to leave shoes outside the home or in the foyer. This custom keeps any dirt, bugs, or outside elements from contaminating the living area. In the house, wear slippers or house shoes instead for a cleaner environment. Your sense of smell will thank you because shoes can get pretty stinky after a while.
Deep clean and vacuum your carpets regularly. Especially if you have pets, it’s essential to clean your carpets often. However, even if you don’t have pets, your carpets could still benefit from some TLC with baking soda and a thorough vacuum. Many people tout baking soda as the ultimate odor killer—plus, it’s versatile and can be used on multiple surfaces. For an even more effective solution, consider hiring Pride Carpet Cleaning, a trusted service that ensures your carpets are fresh, spotless, and free from deep-seated dirt.

Final thoughts on how scientists better understand how our sense of smell alerts us to danger

A new study by scientists from Karolinska Institutet in Sweden reveals that our sense of smell serves as an early warning system. When we smell something unpleasant, our brain immediately signals our nervous system, triggering an avoidance response. This response helps us react quickly to dangers and increases our chances of survival.

Our sense of smell helps us in various situations. It may cause us to throw out rotting food instead of eating it or run from smoke in the distance. We still have our survival instincts, but we use them quite differently than in the past.

Why A Purposeful Life Means You Have to Forget About Perfection

November 4, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Living a purposeful life means you need to drop all your notions of perfection.

Have you ever felt like you lose sight of what’s truly meaningful by trying to be perfect? Do you think you had to let go of your dreams and aspirations to meet societal expectations? Do you ever stop and wonder what even is the point in all of this?

For so long, perfectionism has been presented like a miracle tool that can give you everything you desire. But what you weren’t told is that perfectionism makes you lose sight of what could make you happy. In trying to meet some unreasonable standards that weren’t even created by you, you have to give up more than you could imagine. If you were fooled by this portrayal of perfectionism, and you are trying to find a purpose again, here is how you can do that.

What Is Perfectionism?

The need to be or appear perfect is known as perfectionism. In society, it presents as a positive and desirable character trait. Advocates for perfectionism say that it can motivate you to achieve anything you want. But it can also often cause stress, anxiety, and even depression. If taken to the extreme, it causes self-doubt, to the point where it becomes an obstacle that keeps you from achieving your goals.

Professor Brené Brown explains that perfectionism isn’t the same as becoming the best version of yourself. Because perfection is an unattainable goal, the journey towards it can never focus on personal growth. It is an unhealthy behavior used as a way to protect yourself from the burden of being judged.

To be perfect, you have to monitor being the best constantly, no matter the cost. This leads to unhealthy competition and encourages selfishness. Instead of focusing on how the road towards a goal might help you grow, the only thing that matters is the goal itself. There is either achieving the goal or failing; no in-between. This kind of mentality only brings out the worst in you.

How About Living A Purposeful Life?

While finding a purpose in life means striving towards a goal, two key factors differentiate this from perfectionism. First, finding a purpose is more about the journey rather than the destination. Second, for a plan to be purposeful, it has to be aligned with your values, passions, and it has to make you happy. In comparison, perfectionism couldn’t care less about your happiness and desires.

Learning to live a purposeful life is a long process. It’s all about understanding yourself and finding a goal that you feel is more significant than you. Here are some tips for how you can achieve that:

· Be Present

There’s no better way to get a sense of who you are than to live every second to the fullest. By constantly paying attention to your thoughts and feelings, you can get a sense of what you enjoy, what matters to you, and what your morals are. Even if you don’t learn everything about yourself, living in the moment is essential either way. Allowing yourself to enjoy little things, like going on walks, will bring you happiness. The closer you get to emotional fulfillment, the more meaningful your life will become.

· Allow Yourself To Dream

If you don’t let your mind wander, you will limit the goals you allow yourself to aspire towards. The more things cross your mind, the more options you have. Therefore, the better you can get a feel for what you honestly want to do. It doesn’t matter if your dreams are profitable or not. It’s irrelevant whether they are socially acceptable or not. Life is short, so you should indulge in your wildest dreams when you get the chance to.

· Practice Self-Love

If you are unhappy with yourself, you will not find meaning. Only by being kind to yourself will you be able to enjoy your achievements to the fullest. There’s no point in reaching a goal if you don’t even allow yourself to take pride in your accomplishments. Just as you would be kind and understanding with someone else, be the same with yourself. Learn that every victory, no matter how minor, matters. Therefore, you should always be proud of yourself.

Taking the steps towards having a meaningful life will bring you happiness. But, does perfectionism stand in the way of living meaningfully? And if that’s the case, how?

3 Ways Perfectionism Prevents Us From Living A Purposeful Life

Being a perfectionist can get in the way of living a purposeful life. Here are the ways that it impedes your self-growth.

1. Perfectionism Leads To Self-Criticism

The moment you decide to value perfection above all else, you put your self-perception on the line. The further down the perfectionist rabbit hole you get, the harder it will be for you to have confidence in the actions you take.

Perfection is not an achievable metric. But when that’s the criteria you follow, it’s like shining a spotlight right on your flaws. You will no longer be able to make peace with the fact that you are imperfect. It will not matter anymore that imperfection is human nature; you will start beating yourself up over minor things.

Perfectionism quickly turns you into an overly self-critical person. Instead of understanding yourself and acknowledging that progress takes time, you’ll engage in destructive behaviors. Overthinking becomes part of the daily routine. Everything that you do will feel like too little. This way of thinking leads to many issues, including anxiety and lower self-esteem.

In trying to be perfect, you will impose unrealistic standards on yourself. Say you want to get a promotion. A purposeful person understands that this takes time and energy, and if it doesn’t happen as quickly as you want, that’s alright. But perfectionists will not stand themselves if they don’t get it right away. And even when they do, it won’t be enough. They will still feel like they did too little and will not allow themselves to feel any joy.

This negative way of thinking doesn’t allow for any acts of self-compassion and self-love. While you might get material things, like promotions and such, you will feel empty on the inside. This type of life doesn’t have meaning; it’s merely about meeting unrealistic expectations.

If you feel like you are becoming overly self-critical, take a step back and introspect. Put things into perspective and understand that imperfection is normal. Change your goals from material to trying to achieve personal growth. Look inwards rather than outwards when searching for happiness.

2. Perfectionism Encourages To All Or Nothing Thinking

Once you embark on the word towards achieving perfection, there’s no turning back. Doing little things will stop satisfying you. A perfectionist isn’t fulfilled by what they see as half-measures. They either have it all or have nothing at all.

Perfectionists are often driven by fear. They put so much pressure on themselves that they will be crushed emotionally and psychologically if they fail. Because of that fear, if they’re not 100% sure that they’re going to succeed, they’re not even going to try.

This is why so many perfectionists become procrastinators or even give up on trying at all. Not only do they waste their abilities, but they don’t pursue things they might genuinely like. You never know how something will turn out if you don’t even try.

Doing things just for show brings you no satisfaction. Sure, you might feel pride short-term, but you will not be fulfilled. Instead, stop focusing on the end goal. Understand that enjoying things just because they’re fun is good enough. Doing something partially is always going to be better than not doing it at all.

3. Perfectionism Kills Your Dreams

Perfectionists only care about the pragmatic side of things. The idea of doing something just because they enjoy it is foreign to them. They don’t understand why they would put effort into doing something if they don’t get something in return.

What they don’t understand is that your reward doesn’t have to be material. It doesn’t have to be a higher salary or a bigger apartment. It can be joy, excitement, whatever makes you feel good. By being overly pragmatic, perfectionists are prone to choosing activities they might hate just because it’s practical. They might hate law but still choose to become a lawyer just because it’s a financially rewarding job. Instead of becoming an artist, a teacher, or whatever they might have wanted, they bury their dreams for all the wrong reasons.

Often, they see pursuing hobbies as a waste of time. And the only hobbies they engage in benefit them pragmatically. For example, they might hate tennis but still play it every Sunday because the “right” people also play tennis, and they have an opportunity to create connections.

There is no meaning in living your life like this. You will not find your passion, your purpose, something you feel is more significant than you, by playing it safe. You have to allow your mind to wander. Let your thoughts roam free. Explore ideas that might seem crazy. Force yourself to gather the courage to try that thing you always wanted to do. Who cares if skydiving isn’t financially productive? It doesn’t matter. Being happy and taking care of your mental health is just as important as your physical health and social status. By trying as many things as you can, you will be a step closer to finding your meaning.

Final Thoughts On How Perfectionism Prevents Us From Living A Purposeful Life

Finding your purpose in life is no easy feat. It requires a journey of self-discovery that has you looking inward to understand what makes you genuinely happy. Some people might never find their true meaning in life. But the journey will make you more comfortable than trying to achieve perfection ever will.

Perfectionism is a toxic mentality for several reasons. It makes you self-critical, to the point where you might lose all self-esteem. It enforces an “all or nothing” mentality that might make you less productive. And, it makes you give up your dreams to chase some unrealistic standards. In every conceivable way, perfectionism is antithetical to living a purposeful life.

Forget about being perfect, forget about social standards, and have fun. Experience new things, love yourself and dream big. Remember, the road is often more important than the goal.

Researchers Explain Why Warm Milk Makes You Tired

November 4, 2021 by Kristen Lawrence

People have been drinking warm milk at bedtime for centuries to induce sleep and relaxation. While some may call pass off the tradition as mere folklore, science proves its benefits.

Scientists previously believed that milk causes sleepiness due to its high concentration of tryptophan. This naturally occurring amino acid plays a vital role in producing serotonin, melatonin, niacin, and nicotinamide. It also helps maintain the body’s protein levels, muscles, and enzymes.

While it’s crucial for human development, scientists have recently found another compound in warm milk that promotes better sleep. A combination of milk peptides called casein tryptic hydrolysate (CTH) also acts as a natural sedative, relieving stress and promoting sleep. The study published in ACS’ Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry reveals specific peptides in CTH that could lead to improved sleep remedies.

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), around 33% of U.S. adults suffer from sleep deprivation. It’s recommended that adults get at least seven hours of sleep per night for optimal health. Adults who sleep less than seven hours per night have a higher risk of developing chronic conditions. These include diabetes, obesity, heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, and mental health disorders.

Many doctors prescribe sedatives like benzodiazepines and zolpidem to patients who have insomnia. However, these types of medications are notorious for causing unwanted side effects and even addiction. Sedatives work by activating GABA receptors in the brain, which are proteins that inhibit nerve signaling.

Scientists have found that people with insomnia typically have low GABA levels. In one study, people with insomnia had 30% lower GABA levels than those who slept well. Low GABA levels were also associated with more restless, disrupted sleep.

How Warm Milk Can Increase Sleepiness

Some scientists have called sleep deprivation plaguing the world an epidemic. With our modern, fast-paced lifestyles, artificial lighting, and separation from nature, it’s no wonder we can’t sleep very well. However, researchers believe they’ve found a solution in warm milk. The team for this study found several natural peptides, or proteins, that bind the GABA receptor. These proteins help ease anxiety and encourage better sleep.

For instance, treating a protein in cow’s milk – casein – with the digestive enzyme trypsin produces sleep-inducing peptides called CTH. In this mixture, they identified a particular peptide called α-casozepine (α-CZP) that could encourage sleepiness and relaxation. Lin Zheng, Mouming Zhao, and colleagues wondered if even more powerful sleep-enhancing peptides existed within CTH.

About the Study

So, to begin their study, the team compared the effects of CTH and α-CZP in sleeping mice. They found that CTH had better sleep-enhancing properties than α-CZP by itself. The findings suggested that other peptides besides α-CZP exist in CTH that promotes sleepiness.

Next, the team used mass spectrometry to find bioactive peptides released from CTH during simulated digestion. Then, they virtually screened these peptides for the ability to bind to the GABA receptor and cross the blood-brain barrier.

In screening the strongest peptide candidates in the mice, they discovered YPVEPF, which showed the most promise. The peptide helped 25% of mice fall asleep faster and increased their sleep duration by over 400%. Scientists say that additional peptides in CTH may exist that could promote better sleep through other pathways. Hopefully, they will continue their research to determine other peptides found in warm milk that enhance sleep.

The study was funded by the National Natural Science Foundation of China, the Guangdong Provincial Key R&D Program, the Shandong Provincial Key R&D Program, and the Specific Fund Program for Basic and Applied Basic Research of Guangdong Province.

Other scientific studies prove that warm milk can help increase sleepiness at bedtime. In a study of patients in a hospital’s cardiac unit, those who drank warm milk and honey for three days had improved sleep. Another study that included adults over age 60 found that drinking warm fermented milk for three weeks reduced wakefulness.

Other Tips for Better Sleep

The CDC lists other recommendations for getting better quality sleep each night:

Maintain a consistent sleep schedule. Have a regular bedtime and waking time, even on the weekends, to reset your circadian rhythm.
Keep your bedroom quiet, dark, and cool at night to help induce sleep.
Remove electronic devices, such as TVs, computers, and phones from your sleeping space. Also, make sure to turn off appliances at least a few hours before bed. Blue light emitted from electronics can disrupt melatonin production.
Don’t eat large meals before bed; if you’re hungry, eat a protein-rich snack like peanut butter or a cheese stick. Avoid caffeine and alcohol before bed as well.
Exercise each day. Even if you walk for 30 minutes, moving your body a little each day promotes better sleep.

Not a Fan of Warm Milk? Then Try Snacking on These Foods, Instead

Cheese
Chicken
Turkey
Fish
Sunflower seeds
Peanuts
Pumpkin seeds
Soybeans

Hopefully, these tips will help you get more shuteye each night. Remember to prioritize your sleep because it’s essential to your health and well-being. Globally, citizens have reported increased sleep deprivation over the years, and experts recognize the issue as a public health concern.

Fortunately, a better night’s sleep often boils down to modifiable factors like sleep hygiene. Make sure to have a relaxation routine in place before bed to prepare your body and mind for sleep.

Final Thoughts: Warm Milk Induces Sleep Due to Peptides

For generations, cultures all over the world have turned to warm milk to promote better sleep. Now, scientists have evidence to prove it’s not just folklore – peptides in the milk bind to GABA receptors to encourage sleep. Findings showed two peptides in particular, α-CZP and YPVEPF had sleep-enhancing effects.

The researchers hope to perform additional studies in the future to identify other peptides in warm milk that promote sleep. For now, this study may help with the development of natural sleep remedies moving forward.

15 Quotes About Contentment Never to Forget

November 4, 2021 by Sarah Barkley

It is common for people to become unhappy or dissatisfied with life sometimes. When this happens, shifting your mindset and finding happiness again is essential to your well-being. These quotes about contentment can help you refocus and find satisfaction in life again.

People become unhappy with their life for many reasons, and it’s sometimes hard to pinpoint the exact cause. Whether it’s that you fell short on reaching a goal or because you’ve become complacent, you can overcome the feeling. When you’re contented with your life, you’ll feel happier, more inspired, and better overall.

If you give into life dissatisfaction, you’ll struggle to enjoy your life or reach your goals. You’ll feel down all of the time, and you won’t have the motivation that you need to live a fulfilling life. Making a change and focusing on being happy with what you have will result in a life improvement.

Fifteen Quotes About Contentment

These quotes about contentment come from people that have experienced dissatisfaction and happiness before. They know how both feelings affect you differently, and they also know how to overcome dissatisfaction with life. As you read through these quotes about contentment, consider posting a few in locations you see often.

1. “Whatever we are waiting for – peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of simple abundance – it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach

It doesn’t matter what you are waiting for in life. You must be ready for it. Trust that it will come to you, and be open to receiving it when it comes. If you aren’t prepared for and available to opportunity and happiness, you will miss out on contentment in your life.

2. “This happiness consisted of nothing else but the harmony of the few things around me with my own existence, a feeling of contentment and well-being that needed no changes and no intensification.” – Hermann Hesse

You can be happy no matter where you are or what’s going on around you, as Hesse explains in this quote. As long as you focus on your inner harmony, you’ll find contentment and satisfaction in life. You don’t need to change anything except your mindset, so embrace your existence, and you’ll find what you need.

3. “Self-esteem is crucial to how much or how little contentment you feel at the end of your life.” – Mark Goulston

Your self-esteem plays a significant role in how you feel about your life. If you don’t feel good about yourself, you’ll struggle with life dissatisfaction. Learn to love yourself and build your self-esteem so that you can start living a life you love.

Quotes About Contentment That Will Lift Your Self-Esteem

4. “Maybe happiness didn’t have to be about the big, sweeping circumstances, about having everything in your life in place. Maybe it was about stringing together a bunch of small pleasures.” – Ann Brashares

Don’t wait for happiness to come when big, exciting things happen in your life. Instead, learn to enjoy and appreciate the little steps along the way. Like many of the quotes about contentment advise, embrace the small moments rather than waiting for everything to be perfect.

5. “At some point, you gotta let go, and sit still, and allow contentment to come to you.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

You can’t keep searching for contentment because that isn’t the way to find it. It is already inside of you, so spend some time sitting still and looking within. As you sit and reflect, you’ll begin to experience peace and happiness.

6. “Eventually, we reach the point where we start to realize that we are not going to find peace, contentment, happiness, strength, fearlessness – all of the things that in our heart of hearts we wish we had – outside of us.” – Guy Finley

Don’t waste your time and energy searching outside of yourself for the things you want to feel. They all lie within you already, so look within for contentment in life. When you look within, you’ll experience an improved sense of well-being and joy.

Quotes About Contentment and a Fuller Life

7. “Contentment is not about getting what you want. Contentment is about wanting what you’ve got.” – Unknown

Many people think that getting more will make them feel better and enjoy life more. Unfortunately, getting more won’t help you find peace or help you live a fulfilled life. Focus on the things and people you already have because that’s the only way to reach a state of contentment.

8. “The happiest people don’t have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything.” – Douglas Clegg

If you want to be happy, remember what Clegg says in this quote about contentment. Happy people don’t have the best things or the best situation. Instead, they make the best of what they have right now, and you can do the same.

9. “When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, ‘Oh yes – I already have everything that I really need.’” – Dalai Lama

It’s normal to desire more when you feel down and discontent about your life. Getting more won’t make you feel better long-term, and the euphoria will be short-lived. You’ll always find yourself wanting more, but you’ll never be happy.

Instead, focus on being content with your life as it is right now. When you shift your mindset to one of gratitude and appreciation, you’ll find the peace you’re searching for.

Quotes About Contentment That Build Appreciation

10. “Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” – Lao Tzu

You can want more in life and still be content with what you have right now. Embrace the way things are right now because, even if they aren’t perfect, they are leading you to where you are meant to be. You have everything you need right now, so face the day with an open mind and joy in your heart.

11. “If there is any one thing that will bring peace and contentment into the human heart, and into the family, it is to live within our means.” – Heber J. Grant

Living within your means will help you enjoy life and find peace. If you’re not living within your means, it’ll be a constant source of stress and tension, hindering your ability to find contentment. Rein in your spending and expenses if you need to, and you’ll find that your life becomes much more enjoyable.

12. “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” – Epicurus

When you spend all of your time thinking about things you want, you ruin what you have right now. If it helps, think back to where you were in the past. It can serve as a reminder that you once wished for everything you have now, so you should embrace this quote about contentment.

Quotes About Contentment to Help Live a Better Life

13. “Contentment is never the outcome of fulfillment, of achievement, or of the possession of things; it is not born of action or inaction. It comes with the fullness of what is, not in the alteration of it.” – Jiddu Krishnamurti

Reaching a state of contentment doesn’t happen by fulfilling a goal or achieving your dreams. It also doesn’t happen by getting more material things. You can’t do anything to become content except look within and feel fulfillment with what you already have.

14. “Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.” – Grenville Kleiser

When all else fails, turn to humor to find joy in your life. It’ll help improve your overall well-being, attract positive experiences and people, and help you find contentment. Remember this quote and watch a comedy or spend time with a friend that makes you laugh.

15. “I find contentment in the craft of writing and fulfillment in self-expression.” – Max Boot

Sometimes all that you need to look for in quotes about contentment in life is time for self-expression. When you express yourself, you become more aware of your inner thoughts and feelings. Spend some time writing or doing something else that allows you to express yourself.

Final Thoughts on Quotes About Contentment Never to Forget

When it comes to living a fulfilling and meaningful life, feeling happy should be your ultimate goal, as these quotes about contentment express. Embrace the things and people in your life, and learn to love your life and yourself as you are right now. These quotes about contentment can help you remember to focus on the good in your life.

As you learn to be happy, you’ll experience contentment and live well. You’ll have moments when you feel down, but you can switch your mindset if you can remember these quotes about contentment. As you practice embracing and loving your life right now, your overall well-being will improve.

Your Self Care Plan Needs These 15 Daily Affirmations

November 3, 2021 by Sarah Barkley

Self-care is essential to living a fulfilling, healthy, and happy life. If you want to feel good about yourself and your environment, you must take care of yourself. Developing a self-care plan can make it easier to prioritize, and daily affirmations are a beneficial addition.

Life tends to get busy, and it’s easy to sacrifice your self-care time for work, family, or other responsibilities. During these busy times, it’s essential to remember that self-care makes it all a little easier. Your self care plan should focus on positivity, and these positive phrases will help maintain that mindset.

Self-care is more than relaxing because it requires you to slow down and practice self-love. These affirmations help you with caring for yourself and love the person that you are. They’ll also make you feel happier and more fulfilled in life.

Fifteen Affirmations to Add to a Self Care Plan

By incorporating these positive phrases into your self care plan, it helps you accept the words better. When you’re feeling good and focusing on yourself and your mind, you’ll be more open to positivity. Read through these affirmations and utilize the ones that resonate with you the most.

1. I am happy, healthy, and loving life.

Your mind believes the things you tell it, so make sure you fill it with positivity. If you want to be happy and healthy as you enjoy life, use this affirmation each day. It’ll help these things become your reality, and it’ll help you appreciate it much more.

2. I prioritize self-care and embrace a self care plan for myself.

If you struggle to prioritize your self care plan, then use this affirmation each day at the beginning of your routine. It’ll help you embrace the time and remember that it is an essential aspect of your life.

When you make self-care a priority, it helps you recognize its importance. Then, you’ll stop putting it off for other things.

3. I am confident and sure of myself.

Confidence will help you in all aspects of your life. You’ll feel better about yourself, have a higher chance of success, and you’ll experience more happiness in life. If you want a boost of positivity, this daily affirmation is the perfect one to add to your plan.

4. I value my relationships and recognize the joy they bring me.

Your friendships and family relationships are a significant part of your life. Don’t lose sight of the joy that these caring people bring to you each day. Learn to value the people in your life, and you’ll find that you become happier and more confident.

Not only does this affirmation make you feel better, but it’ll improve your relationships too. When you value the people in your life, they’ll notice the extra care you give. Plus, you’ll prioritize time and conversation with them.

5. I am powerful, strong, and capable of sticking with my self care plan.

Repeating this powerful phrase can boost your sense of self-worth immediately. The more often you say it, the more you will believe it, too. You’ll notice that your confidence receives a boost as you truly begin to feel powerful, strong, and capable.

6. I see each day as a gift to myself, and I make the most of it.

You aren’t guaranteed another day, so view each day as a gift. When you think of it this way, you’ll make the most of each moment that you have. By repeating this affirmation during your self-care time, you’ll embrace each moment of peace you get.

When you view each day as a gift, you’ll likely take better care of yourself and enjoy your self care plan even more. This affirmation is beneficial when you’re going through a hard time.

7. I recognize and prioritize my self-worth and self-esteem.

If you prioritize your self-worth and self-esteem, you’ll feel better overall. You’ll feel happier and more confident as you go through your life. During your alone time, you’ll care for yourself without feeling like you should be doing something else.

When you can shift your thought process and recognize your worth, you’ll have an easier time caring for yourself. You have to take care of yourself before you can entirely focus on anything else.

8. I control the way I react to people’s actions or words.

You can’t control other people and what they say or do, but you can control yourself. Your reaction determines your feelings and the intensity of the situation. By repeating this affirmation during your plan, you’ll allow yourself to recognize the control you have within.

Once you’ve identified your control, you can handle things better in the future. When someone does or says something that upsets you, the affirmation will automatically come to your mind. Then, you can handle it in a way that doesn’t leave you feeling bad later.

9. My life is always getting better, so I believe everything will work out.

This affirmation will help you stay positive as you go through hard times. Whether you encounter a setback, obstacle, or unexpected event, this affirmation will help you. When you repeat it during your time alone, it’ll become a natural thought.

Then, the next time something threatens to disrupt your peace, this affirmation will come to mind. It’ll help you recognize that this is only a bad moment and that everything will work out.

10. I choose my thoughts, and today I choose positivity.

You always have a choice about how you feel, so accept that responsibility. Placing blame on other people or situations won’t help you feel better, so acknowledge that you have a choice. Even when things aren’t going as planned, you can choose happiness and positivity.

Use this affirmation during your self care routine, and you’ll begin to feel happier right away. As you spend time taking care of yourself, you’ll focus on the positivity in the situation, too.

11. I am allowed to take time for my self care plan myself today.

You might sometimes feel like you aren’t allowed to take time for yourself. It’s easy to put yourself last when busy with work, family life, and other responsibilities. However, even with a full schedule, taking time for yourself is essential.

Permit yourself to take time for yourself. When you permit yourself, you won’t feel guilty about your plan, allowing you to embrace it.

12. I deserve happiness and good things in life.

When you know that you deserve good things, you’ll feel better overall. You’ll become open to new opportunities and experiences, allowing you to enjoy life. If you don’t know that you deserve happiness, you’ll subconsciously push away opportunities for improvement.

Repeat this affirmation to help you look for moments of happiness in life. You will likely find that you start looking for the good in all situations, no matter how small.

13. I am filled with love and kindness.

If you’re filled with love and kindness, you’ll experience more positivity and happiness. It will help you become a caring person toward both yourself and other people around you.

When you know that you are a loving and kind person, you’ll feel much better about yourself. You wouldn’t have to regret the way you treated someone or wonder if you said something wrong. It’ll help you relax and rest your mind as you won’t be thinking back about things you said or did.

14. I love myself, even as I implement my self care plan.

When you love yourself, you’ll take better care of yourself, too. As you begin your self care plan, use this affirmation to help you embrace and love yourself entirely at the moment.

If you love yourself, you’ll also be more likely to focus on yourself more during these times. Your mind won’t wander to stressors or your to-do list when you should be focusing on yourself. With self-love, you’ll feel happier and more confident, too.

15. I am an independent thinker, and I am not afraid to speak up.

Sometimes, your confidence falters, and you find that you’re afraid to speak up when you have a differing opinion. If you struggle with this situation, then add this affirmation to your self care routine. It’ll boost your confidence, helping you find the courage to speak up in the future.

By repeating this each day, you’ll make a subconscious thought. Then, when you encounter a situation you don’t agree with or have an idea about, the phrase will come to mind. By implementing it in self-care sessions, you allow yourself to build your confidence in a place of comfort.

Final Thoughts on Daily Affirmations to Add to a Self Care Plan

Using positive affirmations during your self-care plan can help you set the tone for the rest of your day. They’ll keep you focused on positivity and loving yourself and your life. When you feel good, you’ll become more productive, happy, successful, and content with your life.

Repeat the affirmations during your self-care routine to boost your confidence and happiness levels. The more you repeat them, the more effective they are as you begin to believe them. Once you become comfortable saying these phrases, you can create affirmations that are specific to your life.

Whether you create your own or continue using these affirmations, make sure you take the time each day. They’ll help you open up your mind and soul to inspiration, positivity, and happiness as you continue caring for yourself.

People Say Simple Living is Best. Here’s Why It’s True…

November 3, 2021 by Chris Butler

Why do some folks think that simple living is all about what you’re losing or giving up? Striving for simplicity is about what you will gain, not lose. People who don’t live simpler are under a lot of stress, and they constantly struggle because their life is in chaos.

When you focus on materialism and unimportant matters, you clutter your mind with things that aren’t healthy or even important. Peace of mind is a priceless gift that can do wonders for the soul. Now, understand that change doesn’t come easy or overnight, but you can start a simpler existence by making a few alterations in your life.

Why Simple Living Is the Best

If you’ve ever considered altering your existence to simple living, you may need some proof that all this work is worth it in the end. Well, here are 12 reasons why you need to stop the rat race and settle down to a simplistic lifestyle.

1. Life Is More Manageable

Life is full of clutter, interruptions, and complex matters that can wear you down. However, when you simplify your life, you get rid of unnecessary stuff. For instance, you organize your space and purge the things you don’t need.

When you become organized and only have the things you need to survive, it’s suddenly much easier to maintain your home and life. Plus, it will improve the quality of your life when you don’t have a bunch of material things to worry about.

2. There Is More Peace and Joy

It’s the simple things in life that bring you the most peace and joy. When’s the last time that you looked at the smile on a baby’s face and felt like all was right in the world? Simple living gives you more free time to spend in nature or time to donate your services for a worthy cause.

So many people spend hours running to and from, harried by the 9 to 5, missing so many beautiful things. When you learn to say no to items that aren’t important and make time for the vital things, you will undergo a personal metamorphosis.

3. Better Sleep

How many nights do you lie awake unable to sleep because of the clutter and stress of keeping up with your lifestyle? Many people find that a simple life improves their energy levels as well as their sleep. You need rest to thrive, but many people don’t get near the required amounts.

You borrow an hour of sleep here or there so that you can work later. Perhaps, you need more time to get things done around the house. Maybe you stay up too late just trying to get in some special quality moments with the ones you love.

The balance of your life is all off, and your sleep is one area that suffers. But living a simple life will change all that, and you’ll quiet your mind so you can rest.

4. Less to Worry About

A simpler life means that you have less to worry about. When you don’t have a $60k vehicle sitting in the driveway, you don’t have to worry about making those payments. Less is more, especially when you consider the cost is your sanity.

5. More Quality Time

How many times have you wished there was more time to spend with family and friends? It’s a vicious cycle that most people find themselves in, and they work more to pay for the things they can’t live without. However, you’ll find that you can live without those items quite easily.

You don’t need the best home in the neighborhood, as you need someplace decent and clean to lay your head. Why do you think so many people are downsizing and embracing the tiny house movement? According to Reader’s Digest, the median home value in this country is $272,446.

On the other hand, a tiny house costs from $20k to $100k, depending on how many extras you add. When you realize that you don’t need all those extra to be happy, your priorities shift. Shifting your focus, from struggling to pay for everything to nurturing your relationships, is one of the perks of simple living.

6. Better Work-Life Balance

The work-life balance in this country is severely off-center. According to an article published by the Mayo Clinic, many people have a poor work-life balance, and it’s affecting them profoundly. For instance, people who work too much are exhausted, stressed out, and have poor health.

These individuals often miss milestones of their children. However, once they switch to simple living, they notice they become more relaxed, relationships improve, and they feel more grounded. It’s easier to make decisions for your personal and professional life when you simplify. You make choices based on what’s best for you rather than what increases your bank account.

7. Increase in Energy Levels

Who wouldn’t trade everything they have for peace of mind and more energy? The good news is that you don’t have to trade it all away, but you can simplify. Many people notice that their energy improves when they get out from under the weight of all the stress.

They are more positive, and they have lovely, peaceful thoughts. When you’re focused on the positive things in life, it’s effortless to have a spring in your step.

8. Boost in Confidence

How’s your self-esteem these days? When you go through the purging process to declutter, it helps you to feel better about yourself. Confidence is an essential part of everyone’s life as it allows them to take on new challenges and have enthusiasm for these ventures.

How do you react when you make a mistake or stumble and fall? You’re able to look at these blunders as learning curves when you have a simpler existence. Did you know that failure is nothing more than success turned inside out? So, a simple life allows you to put things in proper perspective, which helps to increase your self-confidence.

9. Worries, Rejection, and Fear Have Less Impact

Are you often distracted by fear, worry, doubt, rejection, feeling like you won’t measure up? When you engage in simple living, your quality of life improves, and the worrying dissipates. As your level of awareness increases, you will notice that all the other harmful things in your life decrease.

People who want bigger and better show signs that they need acceptance. You’re much kinder to yourself when you simplify. Simplicity makes you an entirely different, better person.

10. More Empathy and Less Ego

Do you ever get in such a big rush to get to work on time and meet those deadlines that you don’t have time for empathy? Perhaps you missed the person sitting on the side of the road asking for help because you were consumed with details of an upcoming meeting. Being a slave to the almighty dollar increases the ego.

However, when you remove the quest for riches, you develop more empathy for humanity. You can learn valuable lessons from others, whether they have riches untold or don’t have two nickels to rub together.

11. Better Health

How can all these changes for the better not affect your mental and physical wellbeing? When your life is simple, you don’t have so much chaos in your mind that keeps you from sleeping and your stress at dangerous levels. Since your mental and spiritual health is strongly connected, they both improve when you simplify.

12. Everything’s Easier

Simple living will teach you that life doesn’t have to be so hard. All the things you struggled with for years can be suddenly gone when you gain fresh perspective and control over your thoughts and actions. You learn that you’re not perfect, and there are no requirements that say you need to be.

All the imperfections make you human, but you’ll be humbler and more eager to forgive others when you adopt simplistic views. You won’t need to struggle to make decisions, as they become more straightforward. When they alter their lifestyle towards simplicity, many folks notice that they’re more successful than when they try to climb the corporate ladder.

It’s funny how the things you chase become so obtainable when you merely alter your perspective a bit.

Final Thoughts on Simple Living

The world you live in teaches you that you must work hard to achieve the things you want. Your material goods dictate success. The more you have, the more comfortable you become in this life.

Sadly, society focuses on possessions, wealth, status, and power, making people greedy and in debt. Why is it that the things that truly do matter, like family, friends, being honest, showing kindness, and forgiving, often get thrown by the way? Sure, it’s nice to have all the material things, but you can live without them.

Simple living teaches you that less is more, and you can have it all and have little. Sure, it’s essential to work and take care of business, but it’s even more important to take care of yourself and those you love.

4 Stages of Emotional Abuse (And How To Heal)

November 3, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Emotional abuse is a painful and traumatic experience that can severely harm its survivors. Since it doesn’t leave physical wounds, it’s worryingly easy to overlook. Many don’t realize that it is often just as damaging as a physical form of mistreatment. Thus, it’s essential for you to identify the stages of emotional abuse.

Because of how difficult it can be to spot emotional abuse, it’s even more crucial that you are capable of recognizing it. And, once you realize it, it’s also vital that you know how to get out and recover.

The Four Stages Of Emotional Abuse

Here are the four stages of emotional abuse and how to heal from that abuse.

Stage One of Emotional Abuse: Tension-Building

Tension can build from various stressors in daily life. These can include:

Work-related troubles
External sources of trauma
Family issues, including marital problems or child-related conflict
Illness of any kind
Natural disasters
Various miscommunications or misunderstandings
Exhaustion or tiredness
Legal or financial issues
Lack of peace in the environment

Here’s how an abuser feels during the first stages of emotional abuse:

An abuser who experiences a buildup of tension from these sources may begin to experience various mounting emotions. These feelings intensify and become disproportionate over time, typically remaining unexpressed as they build. Those experiences can develop to their peak in as short as a few minutes or as long as a few months. They may feel:

Paranoid
Powerless
Wronged
Ignored
Dissatisfied
Like a victim of injustice
Frustrated
Angry
Annoyed

Of course, lots of people experience these emotions in response to stressors. Some may even find themselves having to focus more on controlling their emotions when dealing with high-intensity situations. But the difference is that with abusers, this is a start of a harmful cycle towards their victims.

At this time, victims of the abuser may begin to feel anxious. They might try extra hard to appease their abuser and become hyper vigilant around them. An abuse victim who has been through this cycle many times may resort to becoming extremely compliant. They could also go the opposite direction, attempting to provoke the abuser. This is done to get the stages of emotional abuse over with as quickly as possible, say experts.

Stage Two of Emotional Abuse: Incident

The incident here refers to the incident of emotional abuse. This is when the tensions from stage one erupt, manifesting in abusive behavior from the abuser. Though a lot of research focuses on physical abuse, experts state that this applies to verbal and psychological abuse, too.

The abuser uses this incident, instigated by them, as a way of releasing their nervous energy. They may feel justified in their acts of domination towards their victim, sometimes even believing their victim deserved it. They often see abuse as a means of regaining control over their tense and stressful life by seizing power. This abuse can include:

Controlling behavior
Blackmail
Emotional manipulation and gaslighting
Isolating their victim
Threatening destruction or harm
Invalidation of concerns or behavior
Baseless accusations
Calling their victim names or using insults
Neglect
Acting superior

Stage Three of Emotional Abuse: Reconciliation

Now that you released the tension, the abuser seems to change completely. Their goal now is to move past the incident. This may be because they want to avoid losing a relationship or due to feelings of remorse. Whatever the case, they begin to take action to leave the incident behind.

An abuser may use different methods to promote reconciliation with their victim. They might:

Behave in an incredibly kind and loving way towards their victim.
Give gifts to or perform acts of service for their victim.
Offer remorse-filled apologies and proclaim sadness for the incident.
Provide promises to change, never to complete the behavior exhibited during the incident again.
Ignore the incident and revert to the way the relationship was before the building of tension.

When these reconciliatory behaviors are being performed, the victim will still be recovering from the incident. They will likely feel humiliated, afraid, disrespected, hurt, and confused. They may even feel like they are to blame. The sudden and intense reconciliatory efforts will take advantage of the victim’s emotional state.

The reconciliation also releases feel-good hormones like oxytocin and dopamine. These hormones trigger positive thinking and can make the relationship feel like it’s in a honeymoon phase. A victim is more likely to forgive and accept the prior incident due to these feelings. They may even feel like things are finally looking up and may become sympathetic towards their abuser.

Stage Four of Emotional Abuse: Calm

A sense of normalcy may return to the relationship between the abuser and the victim. Peace finally descends. If they wish to continue, both parties will now have to find a way to justify what occurred. The abuser will have to find ways to write off what they did, and the victim will need to excuse their actions. Here’s what might happen during the final stages of emotional abuse:

The abuser may agree to go to therapy or joint counseling.
Your abuser may ask for forgiveness, which becomes less sincere with each repeat of the cycle.
Your abuser may apologize while shifting blame to other people and factors.
The abuser may try to frame the incident so that it suggests the victim provoked them into it.
The abuser may minimize their actions and insist it wasn’t that bad.
A victim, if they are reliant on their abuser, may justify staying for practical reasons.
The victim may become slowly gaslit and convinced by their abuser, causing the truth of the situation to slip.
Both parties in the relationship may engage in intense forms of affection to prove its continual existence.

Over time, this calm period will eventually end, and tension will start to build again. If no intervention prevents the abuser’s actions, the cycle will continue. Often, the process becomes worse and escalates over time, potentially progressing from emotional to physical abuse or simply increasing in intensity. This can also make stages three and four shorter and shorter over time.

The Theory Of The Stages of Emotional Abuse

The four stages of emotional abuse are part of a social cycle theory known as the cycle of abuse. This cycle was developed by Lenore E. Walker, founder of the Domestic Violence Institute and psychologist, in 1979. Her research in interviewing 1,500 survivors of domestic violence led her to discover the pattern.

It is worth noting that this theory has its fair share of critics. After all, not all abusive relationships may fit these criteria. Still, the stages of emotional abuse are somewhat accepted as commonplace enough for generalization. But it’s a good idea to be aware of the detractors regardless, so you don’t dismiss your abuse just because it doesn’t follow those stages.

Common criticisms of the theory include these:

It does not focus on empirical data but some ideological presumption.
They developed the theory concerning battered women in heterosexual relationships. As such, it may not be accurate for survivors of other genders or non-heterosexual relationships.
It seems to suggest that it’s possible to predict abuse, which can cause victim-blaming.
It’s overly general and can be falsely applied too easily.
The theory is overly simplistic, especially when compared to further breakdowns, like the fourteen-stage model by Scott Allen Johnson.

The original individuals interviewed for this research provided anecdotal data and were explicitly chosen, damaging scientific validity.

How To Heal From Going Through the Stages of Emotional Abuse

1. Acknowledge And Admit To The Abuse

Many survivors of emotional abuse can remain in denial of what they experienced. This is because the very nature of emotional abuse makes it difficult to realize that it’s even occurring. But to heal, you must fully acknowledge what happened. You cannot recover from an enemy that you will not look at.

It’s worth noting that acknowledging abuse also involves recognizing the abuse you perform on yourself. It’s easy for an abuser’s voice to become internalized. Their words and actions may have changed the way you think, decreasing your positive thinking about yourself. You need to find their voice in your subconscious and acknowledge that it is causing you harm.

2. Stop Blaming Yourself

Abuse survivors tend to blame themselves for what happened to them. Abusers love to pass the blame onto those they hurt, trying to manipulate them into taking responsibility. The pressure of victim-blaming from society certainly doesn’t help matters, either. But you’ve been brainwashed. None of what was done to you during the stages of emotional abuse is your fault. Additionally, keep in mind that:

Abuse isn’t about the victim. Abusers of any kind will hurt anyone to who they get close enough. It has nothing to do with the quality of your character or who you are as a person. It’s entirely on them.
Abusers often project their internal struggles and pain onto others. As such, the things they said about you are a reflection of them, not of you.
You don’t owe anyone a justification for why what you experienced was abuse. Some people won’t see what you went through as abuse. Some people will say you’re sensitive. Don’t let other people make you feel that you’re at fault. The only person who needs to see your struggle as valid is you.

3. Don’t Engage With The Abuser

Abusers thrive off of your engagement with their behavior. Even after getting out of your ties with them, they may still try to goad you or get under your skin. Don’t let them push your buttons, as this will give them the satisfaction that they want.

The next time your abuser tries to start an incident with you, try to disengage if it is safe for you to do so. You can attempt this by:

Not defending yourself against their words and simply ignoring them.
Not apologizing for what they accuse you of.
Walking away and going to the safety of someone you trust.
Distracting yourself by thinking about other things or focusing on your determination to escape the situation.
Remember that reacting and engaging will only give an abuser what they want.

4. Seek Help in Recovering from the Stages of Emotional Abuse

One of the most crucial and positive ways to heal from suffering through the stages of emotional abuse is to seek help. Abuse is traumatic, and you don’t have to try to recover from it on your own. You can seek help by speaking to or reaching out to those you can trust. This may include:

Friends
Family members
Teachers
Religious leaders
Professionals, like therapists or counselors
Survivor support groups
Domestic violence hotlines

Remember that you are not alone, and building a support system of people who treat you well is vital to healing. When you’re uplifted by those around you, you’re less easily swayed by the actions of an abuser.

Final Thoughts On The Four Stages Of Emotional Abuse And How To Heal

There is no excuse for emotional abuse. So if you’re a survivor of such an ordeal, know that you can heal and achieve a whole and positive life, free from the clutches of those who hurt you.

How to Break The Cycle of Emotional Abuse

November 3, 2021 by Lakeisha Ethans

Survivors of emotional abuse have been through a painful and confusing ordeal. Some continue to experience abuse regularly due to situations that are tough to navigate. The nature of abuse preys on these unfortunate circumstances, leading to a perpetual cycle of emotional abuse that begets more abuse.

To escape an unhealthy relationship, one must also escape that downward, self-repeating spiral. But that’s much easier said than done. Here are five practical ways to break the cycle of emotional abuse.

1. Recognize the Cycle of Emotional Abuse for What It Is

Emotional abuse can often be subtle. That’s why it’s so easily overlooked, swept under the rug, or further minimized. To break its cycle, you must be able to recognize when that cycle is happening.

This insight extends to recognizing emotionally abusive behavior. Even when you realize that someone is emotionally abusive, you may miss some subtle signs of their abuse.

Remember that the cycle of emotional abuse can include these outcomes:

Isolation, such as separating you from your family and friends. This separation can be done by sowing discontent between you and those you love or by trying to monopolize your time.
Invalidation, such as dismissing your feelings, emotions, and experiences. This behavior can include gaslighting you into believing that your concerns never happened. It can also involve implying that you’re too sensitive and accusations of selfishness or exaggeration.
Emotional blackmail, or using your emotions against you. This manipulation can include using your guilt, fears, and flaws against you to push your buttons or manipulate you. It may also involve humiliating you in public, so you fall silent or feel too ashamed to speak out. Withholding affection or giving you the silent treatment as “punishment” is also emotional blackmail.
Unrealistic expectations, often with hypocritical twists to them. These actions can include demanding that you meet their every need or never being satisfied with you.
Controlling behavior, such as insisting that you need their permission for whatever you do. This behavior can include snooping through or even taking your possessions and managing finances.
Chaos creation, or intentionally manufacturing conflict just for the sake of it. You might feel like you walk on eggshells around them.
Superior behavior, or treating you like you’re inferior to them. This mistreatment can include insulting you, name-calling, making fun of your opinions, or utilizing condescending sarcasm.

In addition, many survivors of abuse feel in denial about what is happening to them. They may go as far as to trick themselves into believing no abuse is occurring. Recognizing the abuse for what it is means you don’t fall victim to this way of thinking. The sooner you admit that you are a victim of emotional abuse, the faster you can accurately recognize it. This affirmation also means not making excuses for your abuser.

2. Think About How the Cycle of Emotional Abuse Impacts You

Understanding the impact of emotional abuse can be an eye-opening way to break the cycle. It’s easy for survivors to be in denial of their ordeal, after all, so sometimes you may think that it wasn’t that bad. But studies show that the impacts are just as significant as the effects of physical abuse.

When you understand the impact of emotional abuse, you realize that your partner is in the wrong. You see that what you experienced wasn’t okay and can find the strength to break free, heal, and move on.

Common impacts that almost every emotional abuser survivor faces are the following:

Loss of sense of self to please the abuser or adopt the abuser’s presentation of you.
Feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing as you internalize the words of the abuser.
Increased experience of self-doubt, again echoing the abuser’s words.
A constantly critical inner voice that mimics that of the abuser.
Inability to see your life and self realistically due to the constant gaslighting and invalidation.
Fear that others dislike you because of what the abuser made you think of yourself.
Desire to isolate yourself from others to protect yourself from them or think you don’t deserve them.
Heightened anxiety, depression, and other mental disorders and their symptoms.
Heightened risk of stomach ulcers, eating disorders, heart problems, insomnia, and stress-related disease risk.

It may also be helpful to think about the future potential impact if the cycle continues. While all situations are unique, they also have long-term effects that worsen the longer you stay in the abusive environment. There is also a significant risk of the abuse escalating to physical or sexual forms and other types of violence. This is according to the experts of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services’ Office on Women’s Health.

3. Prioritize Yourself as You Break the Cycle of Emotional Abuse

When you’re trying to break out of a destructive cycle of abuse, you have to put yourself first. This shift can be challenging to do after you feel damaged by emotional abuse. Your abuser likely made you feel guilty for ever wanting to prioritize yourself. You may have constantly put them over you, as any other activity was deemed selfish by them.

Prioritizing yourself lets you get used to being your person again. You might feel a little guilty about it at first, but remember that you deserve your needs to be met. Your abuser robbed you of those requirements to deplete your positive thinking and further hurt you.

Making sure you put yourself first will reaffirm your identity and encourage a healthier self-concept as you heal. It breaks the cycle and reminds you that it’s okay to be kind to yourself.

You can prioritize yourself by:

Performing daily acts of self-care and taking time for yourself to do what you enjoy.
Giving yourself one good thing to look forward to every week.
Eating a balanced and nourishing diet that gives you fuel and energy.
Taking care of your physical body by exercising and getting enough sleep.
Buying something nice for yourself that you’ve wanted.
Dressing in a way that you like and that feels comfortable and makes you feel good.
Spending time with those that you love.
Engaging in hobbies and interests that you may not have had time for in a while.

Perhaps your abuser may have used the aforementioned self-priority options as tools against you. They may have forced you to exercise to maintain specific body sizes, for example. Or they may have controlled the food that you ate. This means that some methods of self-prioritization will take more time for you to recover with. That’s fine. Aim to do things that make you feel good and take things one step at a time!

4. Seek Support During the Breakaway from the Cycle of Emotional Abuse

Abuse can be a very isolating experience. As previously mentioned, emotional abusers often isolate the people they target. They do this to gain better control of their victims. These abusers know that your loved ones would rally to your side if you told them what you experienced. As such, they cut you off from the people who care about you and fill your head with toxic ideas about them.

To break the cycle of abuse, you must seek support from others. You have to re-introduce yourself into the world, away from your abuser, to see reality. They’ll prevent you from feeling lonely throughout this challenging process and can lend you some positive thinking. You can seek support in the following ways.

Talk to friends, family members, and other trusted loved ones about what you experienced. They can support and encourage you while grounding you to reality.
Find support groups for survivors of emotional abuse. You’ll realize that you’re not alone and will meet people who are far along their recovery journey.
Seek professional help from a therapist, counselor, or similar trained mental health worker. The right fit of a professional can help guide your recovery process with positive tips and lessons.

5. Change How You Interact With The Abuser

In an ideal situation, your process of breaking the cycle will involve staying far away from an abuser. Unfortunately, that ideal situation isn’t always the case. Sometimes, you have to interact with them now and then. Other times, the abuser may find ways to harass you after you leave. And there’s even a likelihood that you can’t even leave the environment you share with the abuser yet.

Regardless of your situation, to break the emotional abuse cycle, your interaction style with them must change. Here’s how to make that happen:

· Set Boundaries as You Break the Cycle of Emotional Abuse

If you have to see an abuser occasionally, it’s a good idea to set boundaries. These boundaries make it clear that you have new limits and aren’t under their control anymore. If the situation allows, you can firmly state those boundaries to the person in question. This can include information on how you will enforce these boundaries if the abuser tries to cross them. Just make sure that you do follow through on enforcement.

· Don’t Try To Fix Them

Abusers can change, but it’s not your responsibility to “fix” them. Not only does that rarely ever work due to the abuser’s baggage and issues, but it’s also still not great when it does work. It can lead to dangerous codependencies. Or maybe your actions will drive them to use that to manipulate you. Regardless, remember that abusers make an active choice to continue their behavior without change. You are not at fault for how they act, and you cannot save them from themselves. It’s up to them, and them alone, to make positive change and seek any help they need to do so.

· Stop Engaging

An abuser continues their behavior specifically to get a rise out of the people they target. They want specific results and are doing what they can to get them through manipulative and hurtful means. There comes the point where you must stop engaging with them. This disengagement takes power away from them as you’re no longer going to be an easy target.

Do note that all advice on interaction changes is to be taken with a grain of salt. In certain situations, these options may not be feasible or safe for you. The message to take away is that the cycle can only be broken by change. If that change currently cannot include apparent external behavioral alterations, focus on internal changes instead.

Final Thoughts On Some Effective Ways To Break The Cycle Of Emotional Abuse

You do not deserve this cycle of emotional abuse. Learning to break free from it effectively can allow you to release this negative relationship in a powerful way. Remember that you deserve to live a peaceful, happy life free from mistreatment. You are capable of breaking the cycle and escaping.

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