Page 270

8 Reasons You Don’t Need to Prove Yourself to Anyone Else

April 15, 2022 by Deborah Tayloe

Finding true happiness in today’s world is not an easy feat. Everyone seems to have an opinion about your life and how you should live it, and it makes things impossible for you as you feel you must constantly prove yourself to others. Society engrains in your mind that you need to be like this person or act like that one, and it causes more misery than bliss.

Why do people feel that they need to prove themselves to their family members, spouses, coworkers, management, and everyone else in their daily life? Thankfully, you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone or define your happiness by what others think of you.

Eight Reasons Why You Don’t Need to Prove Yourself

Now, when you stop living by the rules others have established for your life, it will cause you some grief, as people don’t like resistance and opposition. However, whether it’s a comfortable journey doesn’t matter, as it’s your life. Here are a few reasons you don’t have to prove anything to anyone and how you can be happier when you stop trying to please others.

1. External Validation Doesn’t Define You

You may write a book, but the chances of making the New York Times’s bestseller list are slim. You might be able to sing like a canary, but this doesn’t mean that you will be the next American Idol. Seeking validation from sources like this is not only flawed but they’re superficial.

It doesn’t matter if you have world recognition or fame beyond your expectations. What truly counts is that you show kindness to those around you. You can have all the money and fame in the world, but if you can’t be charitable and help someone down and out, have you accomplished anything?

Your internal values are way more important. Finding success on your own and setting the terms for what that means is the best way to win in life.

2. All You Need to Do Is Give Your Best

You’re afraid of failure, and the thought of coming in second or third place doesn’t sit well with most folks. They want to win or want nothing at all. Students don’t want a “B” on their exam, as only an “A” will do.

Striving for the best is not bad, but you can’t hold yourself to such a high standard that you can never measure up. Do you want to prove something to others or yourself? You have good reason to be proud as long as you give all you’ve got.

3. You Know Your Limits

Why do people judge others based on society rather than their abilities? It’s frustrating to lump everyone together in one big group and expect the same thing. Do you ever get tired of hearing the word “normal?”

People often use this word to describe mental and physical health, as it’s the status they want to achieve. You can go through your whole life just trying to reach an ideal, but you won’t ever quite measure up in your mind. You know what you’re capable of doing and your limits, and trying to gauge your life based on the standards of others is only setting you up for defeat. Set boundaries–it will empower you to lead a happier life.

4. You Must Be Satisfied with Your Achievements

You know there’s no way you will make everyone happy in this life, but you should at least strive for personal contentment. When you look back at the end of your month, day, or week, can you say that you gave it 100 percent and did your best? Or do you have regrets and wish that you did things differently?

You must be a cheerleader for yourself. While you need to maintain some modesty, you need to be proud of everything you’ve accomplished. Sure, it might not mean anything to the person in the cubicle next to you that you bought your first home, but it means the world to you.

That home shows dedication, hard work, and financial stability. Finding life satisfaction is about giving it all you’ve got and be proud of your accomplishments.

5. What Matters to You Is What Counts

Your view of success comes from observing those around you. Even watching television puts preconceived notions in your head about how life should be. Take, for instance, the fairy tales like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty.

Most women wait for Prince Charming to ride in on a white horse and save them. When they find love, they will judge these relationships based on things engrained in their minds from these fables. These are just stories based on reality, so why do you measure your romance according to these tales?

If you want happiness in this life, you will stop using public opinion to govern you. To find contentment, you must decide what matters to you and how you want to live. Even if you fall and make mistakes, they’re your mistakes to make.

You get to define what makes a person successful and set the standards for your life, and don’t let anyone try to change your mind.

6. You’re in the Driver’s Seat

There’s nothing worse than getting unsolicited advice. While it happens to everyone, new mothers seem to get much of it. Why do relatives need to tell a mom to parent their newborn?

This child grew inside their womb for nine months, and they have a special bond. Learning to care for this child will come naturally. This doesn’t just happen to parents, either. In fact, at other time times you will hear statements like these:

“You need to find a new job because you’re just not making enough.”
“Your family has grown so much that it’s time for you to get a new house.”
“You’ll be happier if you dump that person and find someone more suitable.”
“Isn’t it time to get a new car, as that one is getting pretty old?”

These people mean well, but they want you to take their advice as they know more about your life than you do. It puts you in an awkward position when you feel you need to prove yourself to others in every aspect of life. You should learn a good comeback for these intrusive statements like, “Oh really, well, I like my job, house, car, and life just as it is.”

7. You Get to Define Happiness for You

What does happiness mean to you? It will not be the same for your neighbor, friend, or relative. Happiness is a perception or a status that one defines within themselves.

A realtor might define happiness by how many houses they closed within the past month, while a teacher defines happiness by knowing her class grasped a problematic concept. The view of happiness is subjective, but you get to decide what it looks like for you.

When you learn what makes you happy, you will set and live up to those standards. You’ll be a much happier person when you stop living according to what makes your coworker happy and focus on your contentment.

8. You’ll Never Please Everyone

Why is it that people are afraid of letting each other down? It’s impossible to please everyone, as someone will always be upset with your choices in life. One of the worst habits to get into is not knowing when to say no.

When you don’t set boundaries for yourself, you will wear down. When you overload your schedule, some things must fall by the wayside. Standing up for yourself and saying no is imperative for your mental health.

When you’re so socially obliging, you stretch yourself thin to please others, which has grave consequences. When you say no to someone, it puts you in the driver’s seat of your life, and you’re doing what you genuinely want to do.

Remember, you are the only person to you have anything to prove yourself to. Many people don’t say no because they’re afraid they will miss out, but the only thing you will do is burn out and be miserable.

Final Thoughts on Reasons You Don’t Need to Prove Yourself

Did you know that living to please others is a form of self-bondage? When you people-please, you’re putting their needs and requests ahead of yours. Additionally, she states that you should never give your power away or tower in the face of a bully.

You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. While you have some responsibilities to your spouse and children, you ultimately get to decide what’s best for your life. You don’t have to lie or agree to something you don’t want to do to make someone else happy.

To live a happy life full of contentment, learn to say “no.” It’s time to get back in the driver’s seat and reexamine your life with you in control.

7 Negative Outcomes When We Assume the Worst Will Happen

April 15, 2022 by Deborah Tayloe

It’s only human to play out different scenarios when dealing with problems. As you’re brainstorming for solutions, you must consider the positive and the negative. But what if you assume the worst in every situation?

You have enough experience to know that the world isn’t all sunshine and roses. You have a better outlook when you see that the good often outweighs the bad. Unfortunately, it’s much easier to be negative than it is to be positive.

Psychologists call this mental phenomenon the negativity bias. It means that humans are more likely to focus on negative aspects, even when they are more favorable. No wonder the news media has so many people hooked on their latest stories of doom and gloom, but somehow you must be informed yet not consumed by what you hear.

7 Surprising Ways That You Harm Yourself When You Assume the Worse

Being smothered by a negative outlook can affect you and everyone in your circle. It goes beyond just being grouchy and saying the worst is yet to come. Here are six adverse outcomes when you assume the worst will happen.

1. When You Assume the Worst, It Limits Thinking and Creativity

When you assume the worst about your life, you put unnecessary limitations on your potential. You get so used to saying you “can’t” do something that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. As you see the adverse outcomes you expected, you feel justified in your negative attitude.

Consider the classic experiment with fleas in a glass jar. If you attract some fleas into a glass jar and close the lid, they’ll try to escape. Each time they hop, they bang into the cover, and soon they get tired.

After a while, you can remove the lid, and the fleas won’t escape. The top has conditioned them to how high they can jump. Although they can quickly jump out now that the cover is gone, they can’t see past their negative conditioning.

Likewise, negative thinking can limit you in many ways, including your creativity. It makes you wonder why you should ever try. In reality, the only limits you have on your potential are those you enforce on yourself.

2. Increased Tendency for Anxiety and Depression

An article published by Behavioral Research and Therapy discusses repetitive negative thinking and mental health. It’s linked with symptoms of anxiety and depression. Undue stress can jeopardize your mental health.

If you contemplate past hurts and failures, it can wrap you in thick clouds of despair. Then, you may assume the worst about your future, which can cause endless anxiety. Thankfully, through cognitive behavioral therapy and other treatments, you can learn to control your stress and get rid of the negative mindset.

3. Interpersonal Relationships Are Compromised When You Assume the Worst

It’s difficult to enjoy any relationship if you always assume the worst. Relationships with your family and friends can become strained because you’re always thinking they are against you. Such assumptions can make you seem so paranoid and unsettled that even loved ones keep their distance.

Romantic relationships often don’t last because this mindset undermines trust and intimacy. You may constantly worry that your partner is cheating or losing their love for you. Some of this mistrust may stem from broken relationships you had in the past.

Such negativity can also cause severe problems in the workplace. It won’t fare well if you assume that your coworkers are all liars trying to get you fired. You also may have difficulties with your supervisors and clientele.

Consider the case of a young accountant named Troy. He is an intelligent fellow who graduated top of his class. He won an academic scholarship and got a free ride to his chosen university.

One would think that he would enjoy his successful life with gratitude. Over the years, however, Troy has become more cynical. His boss passed on him several times for a promotion in his firm. Plus, he has been in and out of relationships, and none have ever lasted.

You’d never notice just by looking at him. He is handsome, intelligent, and well-spoken. Unfortunately, his negative attitude has made his circle of people much smaller.

4. If You Always Assume the Worst, You Increase Stress and Impair Your Coping Skills

Maintaining a positive mindset doesn’t always mean your world is perfect. They’ll be times that you feel down and don’t know where to turn. However, your optimism is an efficient tool to help you better cope with stress.

Conversely, assuming the worst in every situation can limit your coping abilities. According to the law of attraction, since negativity attracts even more negativity, you feel stressed and like nothing will ever go right in your life again.

5. More at Risk for Health Problems

Not only can a negative attitude affect your mental health, but it can be a risk to your physical health as well. An article published by the University of Minnesota explains negative thoughts and chronic stress. It can upset your brain chemicals and lower your immune system.

Chronic stress can lead to a host of serious diseases like hypertension, diabetes, heart issues, stroke, and even premature death. All the time you spend worrying about the worst-case scenario can threaten your life.

6. Lower Self-esteem and Confidence

Assuming the worst in your life does little for your self-esteem. The more negative your outlook is, the less confidence you’ll have in your abilities. Since you figure you’ll fail anyway, you’ll become what you speak and believe.

You may also miss out on opportunities that may never come your way again. It can cause self-loathing, and substance abuse can become an issue. Pessimism doesn’t allow you to feel blessed, grateful, and content.

7. Negativity is Contagious, So Your Loved Ones Will Also Start to Assume the Worst

Remember the beloved children’s story about Chicken Little? He was a tiny chick wandering around the farm when an acorn fell and hit his head. Chicken Little didn’t bother looking up to see the acorns dangling from the oak tree overhead. Instead, he made a false assumption that the sky was falling, and everyone was doomed.

It’s another case when a cute little children’s fable teaches a profound lesson. Many people are spreading their messages of disaster and hopelessness in today’s world. Like Chicken Little, they can only see the negative and sound a false alarm that affects everyone around them.

If you’re generally an upbeat person and spend time with someone chronically negative, you’ll feel the effects. No matter how cheerful the conversation, these folks have some sarcastic rebuttal. If you’re around them enough, your blue skies may begin to turn gray, too.

You Know You Tend to Assume the Worst. How Do You Break the Habit?

Are you tired of seeing the world through negative lenses and expecting the worst? You can’t change everything around you, but you have the power to change your perspective. These are some helpful ways to bring joy back into your life.

1. Change Your Self-talk

Just because your negative self-talk is painting you a bleak picture doesn’t mean it represents reality. Start challenging your negative assumptions by asking yourself if they’re true. For example, will your whole life be ruined if you aren’t chosen immediately for management?

Then, try to bring your focus to a positive aspect. It doesn’t mean that you create a delusion. So, if you don’t get chosen for management this time, you can learn more skills to be a better candidate. Your outlook is positive while still grounded in reality.

2. Limit Your Worrying Time

Anyone who says they never worry is just fooling themselves, as everyone worries about something. It’s part of being human, and you’ll always catch yourself fretting at one point. The idea is not to let your fears consume your present and dictate your future.

Instead, schedule a time each day to write as many worries as you can in a notebook. Set a timer for 20 minutes and worry, fuss, and wring your hands all you please. When the timer buzzes, close the notebook, deciding that you’re not going to worry about anything again until tomorrow.

3. Create an Uplifting Atmosphere

One of the many reasons people stay in the downtrodden is because they surround themselves with negativity. You may overindulge in negative media stories and movies that are tragic and violent. Also, you may hang around people who have nothing better to do than grump, whine, and find fault with everything.

With such an unsettling atmosphere, it’s little wonder that your soul feels exhausted and hopeless. The good news is that you can make changes that will free you from the shackles of negativity.

Lighten your atmosphere by surrounding yourself with beautiful things that make your soul smile. Place limits on your exposure to negativity in the media or online. Try to include more positive people in your circle and avoid the negative ones as much as possible, as you don’t want folks around you who always assume the worst.

Final Thoughts on Negative Outcomes When You Assume the Worst

It’s comforting to realize that most of your worries never happen. You can still hope for the best while being prepared for worst-case scenarios. You can get more out of life when you start focusing on your many blessings instead of your problems.

6 Causes of Body Dysmorphia to Never Ignore

April 15, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

When a person’s self-image is so negative, it can take a toll on their mental health. Body dysmorphia occurs when people are preoccupied with the idea that their physical appearance is flawed. Their negative fixation causes issues in their life, but they can reverse it.

Body dysmorphia is a mental health condition that is difficult to diagnose. It often goes untreated because it is overlooked and ignored. However, there are some causes that you should never ignore.

The most significant indicator of body dysmorphic disorder is when someone is obsessed with their body. They’ll fixate on their skin, hair, facial flaws, body type, and other things that most people probably don’t even notice. While people might brush it off as a lack of confidence, it goes much deeper than that.

Body dysmorphia can affect a person’s life severely if left untreated. Identifying the causes can make all the difference in overcoming the disorder and living a more comfortable life.

What is Body Dysmorphia?

People with body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) have an inaccurate view of themselves. They might think they are deformed, ugly, or abnormal compared to others. It becomes an obsession, and they focus on their appearance so much that it interferes with their daily activities.

BDD goes beyond feeling self-conscious about a flaw because it causes severe distress constantly. The person might spend excessive time grooming themselves and checking their appearance. They also might hide their body when being social or avoid social situations altogether.

The preoccupation with appearance is typically unwanted but produces repetitive behaviors anyway. It becomes hard to control and time-consuming, making it harder to function. Some of the standard features those with BDD obsess over include:

Face, including nose, complexion, lines and wrinkles, blemishes, and acne
Hair, including styling, thinning, and baldness
Breast size or shape
Skin appearance, including veins
Muscle tone and size

This disorder can interfere with relationships, work, and learning abilities. It typically begins during the teenage years, but it isn’t uncommon to start during adulthood. There are two types of BDD, and understanding the differences can help identify the cause.

Types of Body Dysmorphic Disorder

While there are other forms of BDD, there are two main kinds, including:

Muscle Dysmorphia

When someone is obsessed with the size and shape of their muscles, it’s called muscle dysmorphia. It involves thinking their muscles aren’t big or toned enough. The condition causes distress and can lead to steroid abuse or unhealthy eating habits.

Craniofacial Dysmorphia

If someone excessively focuses on their face, it’s called craniofacial dysmorphia. The person often obsesses over the shape of their chin, nose size, or the position of their eyes. Their fixation can cause anxiety, social isolation, or depression as they constantly think they look bad.

Sixteen Symptoms of Body Dysmorphia Disorder

This disorder is different from wanting to get in shape or lose weight. It impacts your life in unhealthy ways, whereas getting in shape promotes your well-being. Someone suffering from the condition might experience some of the following symptoms:

Obsessive fixation with one’s body
Repeatedly checking the mirror
Interruption of daily life
Avoiding socialization
Repetitive behaviors regarding appearance cause distress
Can’t stop thinking about perceived flaws
Frequently touching up your appearance
Seeking constant reassurance
Seeking numerous cosmetic procedures without achieving long-term satisfaction
Feeling mocked about appearance
Frequent skin picking
Constantly comparing to others
Perfectionist tendencies
Preoccupation with the size of your body or muscles
Avoiding situations that might draw attention to their appearance
Constantly body shaming themselves

Six Causes of Body Dysmorphia

The exact cause of BDD remains unknown, but there can be many contributing factors. The condition could occur because of one reason or a combination of issues. By acknowledging the cause, you can work to overcome the dysmorphia. These causes include:

1. Genetics

People with close family members with BDD are more likely to develop it themselves. Knowing you’re at risk can make you more self-aware and watch for the symptoms.

2. Trauma or Abuse

Emotional abuse can cause body dysmorphic disorder, mainly during childhood. Physical and sexual abuse can also lead to self-image issues that become obsessions. Excessive teasing from peers or body shaming can cause problems throughout your life.

Unresolved conflict from childhood can cause these severe body image issues. Neglecting by caregivers or parents can cause the disorder to set in later in life, along with any other form of neglect.

It’s also important to note that adulthood trauma or abuse can cause BDD. Anytime your self-worth is questioned, or someone makes you feel wrong about who you are, it can lead to serious body image issues.

3. Excessive Drinking or Drug Use

Some studies indicate that heavy drinking or drug use can lead to BDD. The substances change your thinking and cause you to feel bad about yourself.

4. Stressful Events

You’re more likely to develop BDD after stressful life events. These events could include the death of someone close to you or the diagnosis of a severe illness. With overwhelming stress, you’ll subconsciously look to control whatever you can, and appearance often takes priority.

5. Low Self-Esteem

People with low self-esteem focus on their flaws, which can quickly become an obsession. They struggle to appreciate their good qualities and assume no one else can see the good. It leads to avoidance behaviors and constantly checking their appearance.

Those with low self-esteem and BDD often use plastic surgery for their flaws. However, the comfort they receive from the surgery doesn’t last long. They quickly find something else to fixate on or decide the surgery wasn’t enough to correct the issue.

6. Societal Pressure

If you’re surrounded by people who fixate on their appearance, it can cause mental health issues. Even worse, having people tell you that you must look a certain way can drastically change how you view yourself.

What Can Happen if You Don’t Get Help for the Body Dysmorphia

Body dysmorphic disorder can cause many issues in a person’s life. There are a few mental illnesses associated with BDD, including the following:

Anxiety Disorders

Anxiety is the most common mental illness associated with BDD. It causes overwhelming worry and fear regarding their appearance, causing anxiety every day.

Depression

When someone constantly stresses about their appearance, it can quickly cause depression. The person might feel like they’ll never be happy with who they are no matter what they do.

Eating Disorders

BDD can lead to eating disorders as the person attempts to take control of their body. They might restrict food intake, binge eats, or purge after meals. It not only helps them feel in control, but it also helps them cope with their negative feelings.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

This condition can cause obsessive-compulsive disorder because it involves repetitive behaviors. It can overtake a person’s life and interfere with their ability to function in their daily lives.

Substance Abuse Disorders

BDD might contribute to substance abuse disorders because people use substances to cope. When they feel bad about themselves, they turn to unhealthy substances. It helps them feel comfortable around others without worrying about their appearance, but it causes serious issues in other ways.

How to Overcome Body Dysmorphia

While BDD is hard to overcome, you can get through it. When you work to overcome the condition, you’ll learn to love and cherish who you are despite your flaws. You’ll view your flaws as the characteristics that set you apart rather than ones to obsess over.

Seek Professional Help for Your Body Dysmorphia

If you think you have BDD, seeing a therapist can help. A therapist can help you sort through your thoughts and address your feelings about your appearance. They can also offer coping strategies to manage the symptoms and overcome the negative thoughts.

During therapy, you can learn to challenge your automatic negative thoughts and learn new ways to handle urges. You can find positive behaviors to replace your obsessive mirror checking, face picking, or other obsession.

You should also see your primary care physician and discuss the situation. Your doctor can help with mental health conditions or other concerns associated with the disorder.

Practice Self-Care

Taking care of yourself can help you focus on positivity. You won’t be as likely to fixate on your flaws when you’re at your best. Focus on relaxation techniques and gentle exercise to help manage your stress levels and feel better overall.

Learn About the Body Dysmorphia Disorder

The more you know about your situation, the easier it will be to overcome. Keep learning all you can about BDD to help you shift your mindset and take control of your thoughts.

Maintain the Treatment Plan

After seeing a doctor or therapist, they’ll likely give you a treatment plan to follow. Make sure to stick to the program at all times, even when you think you’re doing better. It’ll help you make long-term changes for the better and prevent regression.

Final Thoughts on Causes of Body Dysmorphia to Never Ignore

While worrying about your flaws sometimes is normal, you shouldn’t ignore an obsession. Learning the causes of body dysmorphia that you shouldn’t overlook can help you overcome the condition. Without treatment, BDD can severely interfere with your health and well-being. Use this information to help you identify the issue and get the help you or your loved one needs.

Psychology Explains Why Domestic Violence Victims Are Afraid to Leave

April 15, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

Domestic violence is a scary reality for many people worldwide. Whether you’re a victim or survivor or know someone in an abusive relationship, it’s frightening. Many people don’t understand why domestic violence victims are afraid to leave, but they have many valid reasons.

If you suspect domestic violence affects your loved one’s life, you might wonder why they don’t leave. It seems like a simple concept to pack their belongings and walk out. However, there is much more to it than simply walking away from an abusive relationship.

Domestic violence can affect men and women, but statistics show that women are more susceptible. You’ll understand their situation better by understanding why they’re afraid to leave. It’s a scary experience, and not everyone makes it out alive each time.

Signs of Domestic Violence in a Relationship

Domestic violence victims don’t like telling others about their violent partner, but you can watch for some clues. If someone suddenly starts missing work when they didn’t before, it could indicate a violent situation. Healing injuries with far-fetched explanations are also clues to know.

A victim of domestic violence will likely show nervousness and anxiety when their phone rings, too. If you can hear what their partner is saying on the other end of the phone, you might recognize anger. It’s hard to know since domestic violence victims don’t often admit it, but people can usually figure it out.

Additionally, it’s a red flag if you are close to someone but haven’t met their partner. Many victims will keep their partners away so their loved ones don’t recognize the controlling and harmful behavior.

However, if you have met their partner, you might recognize rude mannerisms and alarming actions. Other times, an abuser can hide their red flags when others are around, too. It could go either way, so watch for both scenarios.

Who Is at Risk and How People Become Domestic Violence Victims

The statistics on domestic violence are alarming, with almost 35% of women experiencing some form of violence. No one goes into a relationship assuming they’ll become a victim of abuse, and their abuser does an excellent job of hiding it for a while. The abuser will wait until their partner is attached, and then they’ll slowly start to change.

When the victim realizes what’s happening, it’s often too late. They either can’t leave due to fear or because they are tied to the relationship too much.

Abuse isn’t always physical, either. Domestic violence victims can also experience mental, emotional, or sexual abuse. Each type of abuse impacts the victim, so it’s impossible to compare the worse.

The longer the abuse occurs, the worst it will get. An abuser’s behavior will continue to escalate, a scary thought when a person feels stuck in the relationship. It’s not that the victim wants to be abused, but they stay for many reasons that can be hard to understand.

No matter race, religion, income level, or education, domestic violence can happen to anyone. Women between the ages of 16 and 24 are more likely to become victims, but even that isn’t a guarantee. The abuse can come from a partner or spouse, which are the ones you put your faith in.

People who are unaware of the warning signs or patterns are more likely to become victims of domestic violence. Recognizing these signs and taking action is crucial, and in such situations, consulting a domestic violence attorney can be an essential step in protecting your rights and safety. Knowing what to watch for and what to do when you recognize abuse can save your life.

The Stages of Domestic Violence

Understanding that domestic violence occurs in stages can help you see why it gets so far before the victim realizes it. It doesn’t happen all at once, and it might take a while for the abuser to reveal themselves.

Stage One: Charming Their Victim

At the beginning of the relationship, the abuser makes it seem like the victim is in control. They might idolize their future victim, making them feel unique and in charge. The abuser will praise their partner, making it seem like they love everything about them.

However, it will slowly change once they know they have you. There isn’t always a sign at the beginning of the relationship because these people hide it so well.

Stage Two: Isolation

The next step in a domestic violence situation is in isolation. An abuser will do whatever they can to take their partner away from friends and loved ones. It’s often problematic for a victim to realize what’s happening because the abuser makes it seem like they are doing their partner a favor.

The abuser might convince their partner to quit their job, especially if they’ve been there for years and love their work. A toxic partner will want to remove anyone from their life who might notice the red flags. Plus, they want to control every part of their victim’s lives, including financial, physical, and psychological.

Stage Three: Threats of Violence to the Domestic Violence Victims

The third step in the pattern is the threat of violence. Abusers want to know how their victims will react, so they begin with threats before acting on them. Sometimes the abuser will buy firearms or other weapons and keep them nearby at all times, so you know they’re in control.

They might not have touched you during this stage, but the threats are enough. If they threaten you or keep weapons nearby as a reminder, it’s a sign of escalation.

Stage Four: Things Escalate

Eventually, the abuser will take things to the physical level. They’ll see their threats through and start inflicting physical or sexual pain. If they stick to emotional or mental abuse, it’ll escalate intensely during this stage.

By this point in the relationship, the victim is in the romance so profoundly that they can’t see a way out. Either they still love the abuser or have too many ties to them to walk away without a second thought.

Why Domestic Violence Victims Are Afraid to Leave

The reasons why these partners stay together are many. Here are just a few.

1 – Domestic Violence Victims Don’t Know They’re Abused

Even in the worst moments, victims don’t always realize what’s happening to them. Instead, they view themselves as strong people who can handle loving a troubled person. They also believe they are the only ones who can help their abuser overcome their problems.

2 – It’s Dangerous to Leave

Leaving an abusive relationship isn’t as easy as it sounds to most people. While a typical relationship breakup is sad, it doesn’t generally lead to scary or threatening situations. However, ending an abusive relationship can turn deadly in some cases.

Many domestic violence murders happen after the victim leaves the relationship. Once the victim ends things, the abuser believes they have nothing to lose and commits murder. If they don’t murder their victim, they might stalk them for many years, deny them financial resources, and manipulate the court system when children are involved.

3 – Domestic Violence Victims Fear For Their Child’s Safety

The court system often gives unsupervised visitation time with the kids to the abuser. Victims know this is a possibility and can’t fathom leaving their children unsupervised by a violent person. If they stay in the relationship, they’ll always ensure the anger isn’t taken out on their kids.

4 – Domestic Violence Victims Cannot Meet Their Financial Needs Alone

Many abusers don’t allow their victims to work; if they do, it’ll be at a job that doesn’t allow financial independence. It can seem impossible to get out when a victim doesn’t have the financial means to escape.

5- Some Domestic Violence Victims Have Nowhere to Go and Lack Family Support

Since the abuser isolates his victim before the abuse begins, they might not have anywhere to go. They’ll be afraid to turn to the people they shut out of their lives.

Many domestic violence victims feel alone in the situation. They don’t always know how common it is and that many support groups exist. Victims also don’t know how many resources are available to help them escape the relationship.

6 – They Think It Will Get Better

Victims convince themselves that things will get better eventually. They continually replay the excellent times to cope with the new reality.

After the first abuse incident, the victim will likely convince themselves it was an isolated experience. Then, when it happens again, they convince themselves it’s their fault, not their abuser’s.

The Reasons Why Domestic Violence Victims Stay May Change as Their Lives Change

When the abuse begins, the victim likely believes it’s just a phase and will end. Then, they think it’s their fault the abuse occurs and try to change themselves. After that, they might believe the abuser when they say they’ll change or go to counseling.

It becomes harder to leave the relationship as time passes, and the reasons keep piling up. The abuse and control escalate, and the abuser continues creating a situation it’s impossible to escape.

Final Thoughts on Psychology Explains Why Domestic Violence Victims Are Afraid to Leave

These reasons why domestic violence victims are afraid to leave aren’t the only reasons. Understanding the situation is hard for people who haven’t been abused. The information provided here can help you get a better grasp of it.

If your loved one is in an abusive relationship, you can’t force them to leave it. However, you can ensure the victim knows they always have your support.

3 Reasons Why People Lose Their Filter as They Age

April 14, 2022 by Kristen Lawrence

Researchers have figured out why people become more honest and lose their filter later in life. You may have noticed that your grandparents or other elders seem to say whatever comes to mind.

For example, your grandpa might say he doesn’t like your cooking, or your grandma may comment on your weight. They’re not trying to be rude; they tend to blurt out their thoughts impulsively.

Even if they make slightly offensive comments, we usually chalk it to our grandparents losing their filters as they age. This rationale makes it easier to laugh things off and not take what they say personally.

When someone lacks a filter, it means they’re straightforward when talking to people. They may say things without thinking or considering who they’re speaking with. Sometimes their comments may seem rude, harsh, or disrespectful because they have lost the ability to read social cues.

It’s also worth noting that the elderly tend to have fewer social interactions in general. They may forget how to interact as they often don’t converse with people. For most of us, we have to filter our thoughts every day depending on the social situations.

For instance, you wouldn’t speak to your boss the same way you talk with your spouse. Interactions with your boss probably remain formal and businesslike, whereas you can relax more around your significant other. We all use filters subconsciously to adhere to socially acceptable rules and behaviors.

Your filter depends on specific cognitive functions such as inhibition, which prevents you from saying the first thought that enters your mind. Your filter also relies on social cognition, or the ability to cognize and predict the behavior and intentions of others. Social awareness allows us to determine how to act in specific social settings and adjust our behavior accordingly.

The prefrontal cortex located in the frontal lobes of our brains serves as our filter. However, when this part of the brain functions improperly, we may begin to lose this filter.

3 Reasons Why People Lose Their Filter as They Age

Here is how our “filter” connects to aging.

1 – Our brains shrink as we age.

One reason people lose their filter stems from brain atrophy or the natural shrinking of the brain. This shrinkage impairs brain cell communication, especially in the frontal lobes. Since the prefrontal cortex helps us gauge socially acceptable behaviors, abnormalities in this region can affect social function.

Studies found a link between age-related brain atrophy in the frontal lobes with decreased inhibition and social cognition. Other studies found that the elderly don’t react the same way as young adults to socially awkward circumstances. For instance, older adults tend to have a harder time understanding sarcasm and tactless comments. Therefore, people may lose their filter as they age simply because of natural processes in the brain.

2 – They may have a neurodegenerative disease.

Sometimes, older people may lose their filter due to serious cognitive conditions, such as a brain injury, stroke, or dementia. One type of dementia, in particular, called frontotemporal dementia, can cause personality changes such as losing inhibitions or displaying socially inappropriate behavior.

It’s more than just social awkwardness, as these behaviors are in stark contrast to the person’s usual character. Other symptoms may include inflexibility, loss of emotional warmth, apathy, distractedness, difficulty planning, changes in appetite, and decline in personal hygiene.

These symptoms usually manifest when a person is in their 50s or 60s. Therefore, it’s important to have annual doctor visits to catch signs in their early stages.

3 – Older adults don’t care what others think anymore.

As we age, we feel more self-confident and less worried about others’ opinions. Younger adults may feel more pressure and judgment from peers, so they’re more self-conscious. However, older adults report feeling less shame, embarrassment, or guilt, probably because they’ve finally learned to accept themselves. They also tend to have higher levels of fulfillment and happiness than younger adults.

So, maybe as we get older, we learn to feel comfortable in our skin and lose our filter. After all, it takes a lot of energy to worry about what others think. What’s the point in wasting your golden years fretting about everyone else’s opinions, anyway?

Now you won’t feel as offended next time grandpa knocks your cooking skills. Maybe that’s just his way of giving you some constructive criticism. Even if it isn’t, you know that yelling out random thoughts is just a sign of aging. Try not to take it too personally; however, if the comments seem out of place or extreme, perhaps suggest a doctor’s visit just in case.

Of course, having no filter isn’t just limited to older adults. Today, many young people feel comfortable in their skin and have no problem being honest with others. That’s certainly a positive trait; however, it’s crucial to remain discreet and polite during conversations. As long as you can say what’s on your mind without being inappropriate, having no inhibitions does have advantages.

Some benefits of having no filter include being approachable, making others feel comfortable, and getting what you want more quickly. For instance, if you’re direct and assertive with others, they’re more likely to be open to your persuasion. Not to mention, if you’re a straightforward person, you probably have a good sense of humor too, and that’s always a plus!

Final Thoughts on Why Older People Have No Filter

As you get older, you tend to lose your filter for several reasons. Unfortunately, a couple of these reasons stem from cognitive decline due to aging. As you age, the prefrontal cortex in your brain shrinks, which impacts brain cell communication. Plus, the onset of dementia and other neurodegenerative disorders can accelerate brain aging and lead to loss of inhibition. But, on a more positive note, losing your filter can happen just because you feel self-confident and no longer care what others think.

Whatever the reason, it’s perfectly normal to lose your filter as you age. Caring about what others think keeps you in a mental prison, and it seems like such an unnecessary burden to carry in your later years.

The Ultimate Self-Care Question: What Do You Really Need Today?

April 14, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

It’s common for busy adults to push themselves too hard. When you overdo it and neglect self-care, it’s easy to lose sight of the essential things in your life. Asking yourself ultimate self-care questions can help you refocus and take the time to care for yourself.

Life constantly changes, and each change brings new necessities and desires. It also means that the best self-care practices change, too. Ask yourself the ultimate self-care questions anytime you’re unsure of what you need in your life.

What you need in your life might change daily, weekly, or monthly, requiring constant self-reflection. The differences might be subtle, but you can recognize them if you know what to ask yourself. When you don’t acknowledge what you need each day, you’ll reach a stagnant place in life and feel permanently stuck.

You don’t have to spend much time relaxing or having alone time to take care of your well-being. Taking time for yourself can make a difference and help you recharge. When you recharge, you can face the rest of the day with a more positive mindset.

The Ultimate Self-Care Question to Figure Out What You Need

If you lead a busy life, likely, you’re not practicing self-care enough. You’ll put other people before yourself because you think that’s how it’s supposed to be or you’re obligated. However, the benefits of the self-care show that taking time for yourself is essential to your well-being and your ability to care for others.

When caring for yourself, the ultimate self-care question is simple. You only must ask yourself, “what do I need right now?” While it’s only one question, it might not be as simple.

After you ask yourself what you need right now, you must figure it out. You can ask yourself a series of questions to figure out what you need.

Don’t guilt-trip yourself as you work your way through the list of ultimate self-care questions. The goal is to recognize the areas you need to focus on, allowing you to live a meaningful and fulfilling life. Consider taking notes as you answer the questions so you can remember what your initial thoughts were.

Once you answer these questions, don’t forget about them. With each change in your life, you’ll want to readdress the essential areas you must focus on. You’ll likely answer the questions differently later, proving how each season of your life differs.

Check in with yourself regularly to see what you need at each point. Be active and consistent in your reflection to always be at your best. Ask yourself the following questions:

What do I need?

Sometimes answering this question is simple, but other times, it isn’t as straightforward. When you know you need to eat healthier or drink more water, you can quickly figure out the problem. However, sometimes figuring out what you need immediately requires delving deeper and asking more questions.

What do I desire?

While your needs are more important than your desires, you must give in to them sometimes. Fulfilling your desires helps you lead a happy life and allows you to find joy each day. With happiness, you can look for the good around you and tackle challenges with a positive mind.

What is true today?

Acknowledging your inner truths daily can help you determine the answer to the ultimate self-care question. By recognizing what you believe, you can shift your thinking as necessary. It can also help you focus on the things you’re passionate about.

What is my intention for today?

When you know your daily intention, you’ll know what to focus on. Being intentional allows you to let go of the things that aren’t as important, giving you a chance to breathe.

Choosing an intention word is also beneficial for helping you achieve your emotional goals. If you select a term such as happiness, you’ll find yourself looking for things to be happy about. Whatever your intention word is, you’ll be more in tune to that aspect of life.

What are my priorities for today?

When you prioritize your tasks, you avoid creating an overloaded to-do list. If you don’t prioritize anything, it can lead to you feeling overwhelmed with too much to get done.

Am I getting enough sleep?

If you aren’t getting enough sleep, it can cause many issues in your life. You won’t have the energy to give your all to any part of your life, and you’re more likely to have negative thoughts. Ask yourself this question and address the situation appropriately.

What is causing unnecessary stress in my life?

Constant stress will leave you feeling an imbalance between your life and the world around you. It will seem like you’re going through the motions without feeling fulfilled. Recognizing unnecessary stress can help identify where you need to implement some self-care.

What can I cut out of my day to make more time for joy?

Asking yourself this question helps determine which areas of your life aren’t serving you anymore. When you realize what you can do without, you’ll find the time to care for yourself. Then, you’ll lighten your load by eliminating unnecessary tasks for good.

Am I nurturing beneficial relationships?

Think about your support system and the people who want to see you do well in life. If you aren’t nurturing those relationships, it can hinder your mental health and well-being.

The Ultimate Self-Care Is the Activity That Will Heal Your Soul

Self-care is more than just pampering yourself or taking hours to relax in a bubble bath. Instead, it’s about reflecting and addressing each area of your life. Determining which areas need work can help you improve each aspect of your daily tasks.

1 – Meditation

Sometimes self-care is all about sitting quietly for ten minutes. This quick meditation session can remind you to focus on your body, self-awareness, and the essential aspects of your life. Meditation helps when you feel disconnected from yourself, helping you be more self-aware.

Practicing meditation allows you to find a connection between your mind, body, and soul. You’ll know what you need and find healthy alignment and balance.

2 – Take a Nap

When you’re busy, the last thing you think you have time for is a nap. However, taking a nap can make all the difference in how you approach the rest of your day. If you can’t nap, take it as easy as possible and give yourself time to rest.

3 – Slow Down

You must slow down when you realize that you’re doing too much at once and going too fast. You don’t have to rush to the next stage of your life when you can embrace where you are right now. If you feel burnt out, stressed, unhappy, or disconnected, it’s a sign that you’re doing too much.

Take some time to be still and silent to find balance again. When you slow down, you’ll find peace and happiness once again.

4 – Spend Time Journaling

Writing in a journal can help when you feel emotionally overwhelmed. It helps get your thoughts and feelings out on paper, allowing you to acknowledge them and work through the overwhelming sensation.

5 – Do Gentle Stretches

Gentle stretching can help when your body feels sore, allowing you to focus on other things. It energizes your mind and body and can help release negative thinking.

6 – Use Positive Affirmations

Affirmations can help you refocus and shift your mindset. They can help you get through each day and remind you of the truths about yourself and your life. Positive affirmations help you release negativity and focus on the good things about yourself and the world around you.

You can write your affirmations specific to your needs and desires. Or, you can find pre-written ones related to your situation.

7 – Go to Bed Earlier

If you need more rest or relaxation, make it a point to go to bed earlier. Your mind will have a chance to process your thoughts, and you’ll have an easier time dozing off. It will also give you more energy to get through tomorrow.

8 – Do Yoga

Yoga is a great way to relax and practice self-care. The stretching exercises bring balance to your mind and body, making you feel better overall.

9 – Find Something to Laugh About

Laughter seems to improve everything, so find something to laugh about daily. You can watch a standup comedy or talk to someone who always makes you laugh. Plus, you can watch funny videos or find another humorous activity.

Final Thoughts on The Ultimate Self-Care Question: What Do You Need Today?

There are no right or wrong answers for the ultimate self-care. It’s all about regularly checking in with yourself and addressing the concerning areas of your life right now. What is suitable for you right now but is different than what’s best later on so it requires regular reflection.

As you ask yourself these ultimate self-care questions, create a safe space. Your well-being improves exponentially when you love yourself and practice self-compassion as you care for your needs and desires. You can live your best life when you know which areas need your attention.

Self-care allows you to experience a balance in life, helping you feel connected to the people and things you love. Use these ultimate self-care questions to address your needs and desires.

Emotionally Reactive People Display These 7 Behaviors and Don’t Realize It

April 14, 2022 by Deborah Tayloe

Since humans are emotional beings, overacting occasionally is not abnormal. For the most part, you may be level-headed and try to get all your facts straight. However, if you’re emotionally reactive, you often dramatize events and face the ever-mounting consequences.

Emotional reactivity is an overaction of emotion that’s out of proportion. When the situation is emotionally charged, the person’s perception changes. They can’t focus and see what’s happening or comprehend what’s being said, as they hear and see things with a skewed perception.

Have you ever been around someone you considered “high strung?” Other common adjectives that describe this person are overly sensitive or too emotional. It’s a common misconception that these folks are disorganized and unsuccessful.

Emotional reactivity affects people from all walks of life. Such behavior doesn’t have socioeconomic boundaries. These folks that tend to overreact can be family, friends, coworkers, or you may be one yourself.

How Can You Tell if You’re Emotionally Reactive?

You may have emotional overreactions if you tend to react to almost everything. You may brush it off as being sensitive or having a bad temper. Here are seven common behaviors that people with emotional reactivity display.

1. The Most Innocent Comments Offend Emotionally Reactive People

Have your family or friends ever told you you had “thin skin?” They are telling you in a friendly way that you are emotionally reactive. You may often take comments the wrong way and be offended and resentful.

Let’s say you and some coworkers are on a coffee break, and someone sees you using lots of sugar. They say lightheartedly that the extra sugar will make you sweeter. You’re instantly upset with them for insinuating that you have a sour disposition, but this is not how they meant it to come across.

2. You Often Overreact to Various Situations

Emotionally reactive people often can’t differentiate between severe problems and trivial matters. Maybe everything is a big deal for you, and you’ll overreact accordingly. In your mind, there’s no difference between a firecracker and a hydrogen bomb.

Such a mindset usually makes you assume the worst-case scenario. Your emotions may go haywire when you hear a little noise in your car. You’re sure the whole motor will go out and it’ll cost thousands of dollars to replace.

3. Others Don’t Feel Comfortable Around Emotionally Reactive People

Spending time around an emotionally reactive person is like tiptoeing through a field of landmines. Your friends and family virtually walk on eggshells to keep from offending you. It makes for an emotionally strained conversation that nobody is enjoying.

Plus, your emotional volatility often creates negative energy. Pessimism can affect everyone in a group. It’s something for you to consider when you notice that your circle of friends is getting smaller by the day.

4. You Get Angry and Indignant When Things Don’t Go Your Way

Younger children are notorious for having emotional outbursts when they don’t get what they want. There’s nothing like being in a crowded line in the grocery store, and your toddler is having a tantrum over a small plastic toy. You quickly give in and throw it in the cart to save yourself more embarrassment.

Department stores depend on these emotional outbursts for optimal sales. That’s why they fill the checkout lanes with shiny things at children’s eye level. No wonder they call these overpriced goodies “impulse buys.”

Children often overreact because their emotional responses haven’t matured. Unfortunately, some children grow into adults and still have such outbursts. If you’re emotionally reactive, you’re prone to adult temper tantrums when things don’t go as planned.

5. You Allow Circumstances to Control Your Reactions and Don’t Take Responsibility

The life of an emotionally reactive person can feel exhausting and out of control. Instead of taking charge of your life and emotions, you’re in a perpetual reaction cycle. This mindset often makes you feel like you’re driving speedily in a car without a steering wheel.

It’s easy to shift the blame when you feel like you’ve lost control of your life. You may believe that circumstances are always against you. If you lose your temper, it’s not your fault because someone made you do it.

Blame shifting is often a trait of a toxic personality. It often leads to hostility and abuse toward others, especially those closest to you. It’s a situation that can quickly destroy personal and professional relationships.

6. The Least Provocation Can Send An Emotionally Reactive Person into a Blind Rage

Have you ever been told that your temper is like a short fuse? The least little spark can cause an emotional explosion. Volatile rage is often a precursor to abuse that can turn lethal.

If you have these tendencies, others never know which version of you they’ll get. You may be happily chatting one moment, and the next minute, you’re a raging grizzly. Afterward, you may return to the merry conversationalist as if nothing had happened.

Such behavior can also lead to resentment and holding grudges. You may feel that your temper flare was justified. It can also cause you to feel paranoid and angry at the whole world.

7. You Often Hear What You Want to Hear

Emotionally reactive folks aren’t known for their excellent listening skills. You may hear what the other person’s saying, but you’re not listening. Instead, you interrupt and are preoccupied with what you want to say next.

Misunderstandings are inevitable since you haven’t listened to and thought about the other person’s statements. You may overreact and create an emotional tsunami over something you only assumed or misunderstood. Excellent communication is the backbone of solid relationships; poor communication will destroy them.

How to Reduce the Chances of Being Emotionally Reactive

The first step to ending the cycle of emotional reactivity is to admit that you have a problem. There’s no shame in such admission; it shows you’re ready for a change. Here are some suggestions to help you be less reactive.

1. Think First

One of the main reasons that people overreact is they speak or do things before they think. They’ve already had an emotional backlash after discovering it’s been a vast misunderstanding. Before you react, take a deep breath, don’t speak, and think for a few minutes.

2. Be an Active Listener

How many times have you blown your emotional fuses before knowing the facts? The best way to avoid misunderstandings and overreaction is to listen actively. It’s going beyond hearing the other person’s words and taking them to heart.

Active listening is a valuable skill that can help you in all your interpersonal relationships. Listen to what the other person is saying without interrupting or surmising. Think about what they’ve said and pause for a few seconds before you respond to them.

Try to keep neutral body language that doesn’t show impatience or underlying aggression. Do your best to mirror the speaker’s emotions and ask for clarification if you don’t understand something. Not only will you be a more effective communicator, but you can exert more control over your emotions.

3. Identify What Causes You to Be Emotionally Reactive

If you’ve overreacted to something, try to use it as a learning experience. What were the circumstances that caused you to go into an emotional tailspin? Was it a conversation or possibly a person who often gets on your nerves?

These are called triggers because they “trigger” your emotional outbursts. Once you know your triggers, you’ll better control your emotions. The next time you feel like you’re going to overreact, realize these are just triggers and avoid falling victim to them.

4. Consider Emotional Outlets

Frequently people overreact because they have so much emotion bottled up in their minds. Instead of letting your emotions control you, discover ways to redirect them. Dealing with your feelings can help diffuse your in an emotionally charged conversation or situation.

Meditation is an excellent way to learn how to control your breathing and calm your mind. You know how to acknowledge your thoughts compassionately and let them go. All you need is a quiet space and about twenty minutes to relax, breathe, and be present.

Journaling is another essential tool for personal introspection. It’s a line of communication between you and your inner voice. It also provides thoughts for reflection and dealing with your feelings and what caused them.

You can also consider any creative outlet that you enjoy. It can be art, music, literature, or any fun hobby. If you don’t have a hobby, there’s no better time than now to learn one. Hobbies help you relax so your nerves and emotions aren’t tense.

Final Thoughts on Behaviors Emotionally Reactive People Display

Being in control of your emotions is a work in progress. You’re human, and everybody has their overly emotional moments. Your feelings can be more balanced when you understand triggers and some underlying causes of your overreaction.

Researchers Reveal Connection Between Narcissism and Aggression

April 14, 2022 by Kristen Lawrence

A 2021 Ohio State University study reveals a strong link between narcissism and aggression. Researchers performed a comprehensive analysis of 437 global studies and found that narcissism also increases the risk for violence.

They determined an association between narcissism and aggression across all dimensions of narcissism and various aggressive behaviors. The study yielded similar results regardless of gender, age, birth country, or education levels.

Also, even individuals who didn’t suffer from pathological narcissism showed higher aggression levels. In other words, narcissism within a normal range still correlates with aggression.

“It is a pretty straightforward message: Narcissism is a significant risk factor for aggressive and violent behavior across the board,” said Brad Bushman, co-author of the study and professor of communication at The Ohio State University.

Sophie Kjaervik, a graduate student in communication at Ohio State, led the study. It was published in the journal Psychological Bulletin.

“The link we found between narcissism and aggression was significant — it was not trivial in size,” Kjaervik said. “The findings have important real-world implications.”

Researchers Reveal the Connection Between Narcissism and Aggression

The research team compiled and investigated data across many studies to perform a comprehensive analysis. In the meta-analysis, they poured over data from 437 independent studies that included 123,043 participants.

According to Bushman, one of the hallmarks of narcissism is having an inflated ego. Narcissists also have a sense of entitlement, the constant need for admiration, lack of empathy, and may act arrogant or manipulative.

Two Primary Types of Narcissism

There are also two types of narcissistic behavior: grandiose (individuals with high self-esteem) and vulnerable (those with low self-esteem). We’ll go over the traits of each below.

Grandiose Narcissism

People who exhibit this behavior are the following:

aggressive
dominant
self-confident
lacking empathy and sensitivity
even more self-centered than vulnerable types
the product of a childhood where parents instilled them with a superiority complex

Vulnerable Narcissism

Those who portray this behavior tend to act:

more sensitive
inadequate
either superior or inferior depending on the mood
offended or anxious when others aren’t praising them
protective of themselves because of childhood neglect or abuse

Regardless of the type of narcissism, the researchers found an association between them and higher aggression levels. Types of aggression measured in the studies included physical, verbal, direct or indirect, bullying, and being taken out on innocent people.

“Individuals who are high in narcissism are not particularly picky when it comes to how they attack others,” Kjaervik said.

The findings revealed that online and offline bullying had ties to narcissist behavior.

“That’s a highly important finding now that we live in an online world,” she said.

Bushman said that people with high levels of narcissism lashed out to others more often and had a “cold, deliberate and proactive” approach to their aggression.

The Dangers of Narcissism

The study also found that people high in narcissism had more aggressive traits, even when unprovoked. However, the risk for aggression increased when they felt instigated, such as being insulted or ignored.

One surprising finding researchers made was that narcissism had almost as strong a link to violence as it did to milder aggressive acts. Bushman says that violence isn’t as expected and is more challenging to predict than less severe types of aggression. In the study, researchers defined violence as the intention to inflict physical harm on others, such as injury or death.

He added that the results match other findings implying that narcissism may play a role in severely violent acts such as mass shootings. Some people believe that the link between narcissism and aggression is more vital in more individualistic, atomized countries like the US. However, the findings discovered a link between narcissism and aggression even in collectivist nations.

They found similar results whether the research participants attended college or lived in the more significant population.

Bushman added that these results don’t just apply to people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Since almost everyone falls somewhere on the spectrum of narcissism, it’s probable that most people will show aggression at some point. Of course, those with pathological narcissism tend to have the highest levels of aggression and act out more frequently.

“All of us are prone to being more aggressive when we are more narcissistic,” Bushman said.

He said another distinctive finding from the study was how narcissists react when they feel threatened.

“Our results suggest provocation is a key moderator of the link between narcissism and aggression,” Bushman said.

“Those who are high in narcissism have thin skins, and they will lash out if they feel ignored or disrespected.”

Tips on Dealing With Narcissists and Aggression

Watch out for “love bombing.” If you’re dating a narcissist, they may initially shower you with affection and attention. This isn’t always negative, but a narcissist will use this tactic to lure you deeper into the relationship. They may seem friendly, but keep your guard up; it’s disguised toxicity.
Know your self-worth. Narcissists prey on people with fragile self-esteem or those with an empathetic nature. Having compassion for others is hardly a character flaw, but some people will take advantage of your kindness. You’re less likely to fall victim to a narcissist if you’re self-confident and don’t need validation from others.
Leave the situation, if possible. Narcissists can get better, but only if they seek help. Remaining in a relationship or living with an unhealed narcissist will only cause you mental or even physical harm.

However, we’d like to add that we’re not here to bash people with a genuine mental disorder. Narcissists usually have a troubled past and childhood and deserve help as much as anyone else.

Final Thoughts on the Link Between Narcissism and Aggression

A recent Ohio State University study found a strong association between high levels of narcissism and aggression. They examined 437 independent studies worldwide and discovered similar results in various age groups, genders, birth countries, and education levels. Troublingly, they also determined a link between narcissism and more significant instances of violence.

This isn’t to say that all narcissists will act aggressive and violent, but it’s something to watch out for when dealing with narcissistic personalities.

No, You’re Not a Mean Mom, You’re Just Being a Parent

April 13, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

Parenting is hard because being a parent often results in your child thinking you’re a mean mom. Sometimes, even if you know you did the right thing, you’ll experience guilt because your child is upset. However, you’re not a mean mom when you’re just being a parent.

There will be times when you think you are too harsh or impatient. You might wonder if you fed them enough vegetables or gave them too much screentime. These thoughts of self-doubt are never-ending when you’re a parent because you want to do it all right.

Your child will sometimes add to the guilt by feeling upset about how you handled things. If you don’t give in to everything your child wants, they might think you’re mean. Their words will hurt, but rest assured that you’re not a mean mom.

Children often think their parent is mean when they don’t get their way all the time. If they are told ‘no’ or punished for misbehavior, the child likely won’t be happy about it. That’s okay because you’re just fulfilling your number one role as a parent.

Why Having and Enforcing Rules Isn’t Being Mean

When you put your foot down and enforce rules, you’re teaching your child more than either of you realize. You raise children who contribute positively to society. As they become adults, they’ll understand respecting others and being responsible.

Just because your child says you’re a mean mom doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. Instead, it shows that you’re doing your job and expecting your child to be a good little human. You’re giving them the skills and knowledge they need to move through life.

Chances are, your kids will grow up to become adults who no longer think you were a mean mom. If they think you were mean, they’ll learn to appreciate the guidance you offered during their younger years. Raising kids is hard, but doing it right might give you adult children who thank you later.

Being mean implies being unkind or malicious, and you can easily see the difference between parenting and meanness. Of course, your child might not always recognize a difference at all, but you can reassure yourself. Children and parents view meanness differently, so don’t let your child’s words get to you.

Sixteen Times Your Child Might Think You Are a Mean Mom

In all honesty, being the parent enforcing all the rules isn’t easy. A mean mom would take the easy way out instead of using their energy to enforce rules that they’ll get guilt-tripped about later.

1 – When Teenagers Want to Make Their Own Rules, They’ll Cast You as a Mean Mom

Teenagers might think you’re mean if you want to know who their friends are and where they’re going. They won’t always be happy about curfews, doing well in school, or dressing appropriately. However, in these instances, it’s your job to be the “bad guy” and put your foot down.

2 – Making Them Finish Homework Before Having Fun

Your kids might not want to finish their homework before going somewhere with friends. They might not want to do the work at all. Each time you enforce these expectations, your child might become unhappy and deem you a mean mom.

However, even if your child isn’t thrilled, think of all the things you’re teaching them when you make them do homework. You teach them about meeting deadlines, practicing, and working hard to accomplish goals. Plus, it’ll make tests and other school work easier, too.

3 – Assigning Chores Might Make Children See You as a Mean Mom

Kids also tend to think parents who implement chores are mean, but that’s not true either. In a kid’s mind, these things might seem mean, but again, you’re only teaching them about life. You’re teaching them to clean up their space and help the family unit, both qualities that will follow them throughout their life.

4 – Waking Them Up for School

Most kids would stay home from school if you let them, but letting them skip isn’t helping. Even still, your child might call you a mean mom for waking them up in the morning. You can wake them up with a back rub or gentle words, and they’ll still call you mean.

5 – Children Think You’re a Mean Mom When You Prioritize Sleep

Children often want to stay up late, even when they have school the next day. When you enforce bedtimes to ensure they get enough sleep, they might think you’re being mean. Children need sleep to grow and develop, plus they need the energy to learn. You’re not being mean when you give them a bedtime instead of letting them stay up until they can’t anymore.

6 – Making Them Eat Nutritious Food

Not all children enjoy healthy food, but they still need nutrients to grow and develop. Letting them eat sweets and junk food might make them think you’re being nice, but it’s not the right way to parent. If they think you’re mean for asking them to eat some nutritional foods, that’s okay because you’re just being a parent.

Kids might also think you’re a mean parent if you force them to eat home-cooked meals. They might prefer fast food, but you’re not mean if you don’t do it often.

7 – Teaching Them to Earn Things

Children might want you to give them everything, but it doesn’t teach them to work for things. When you make your child earn what they want, you’ll teach them to do their part. Plus, it teaches them to save up money for what they want to buy.

8 – Asking Them to Clean Up After Themselves

Kids might think you’re a mean mom when you ask them to clean up after themselves. However, it’s essential to teach them to clean up their messes. If they think you’re mean for enforcing this rule, rest assured you’re just being a parent.

9 – You Don’t Let Them Hang Out with Sick Friends

Children don’t always understand how sickness spreads, and sometimes they might not care. Kids will risk getting sick to spend time with their friends, but it’s up to you to say no. You don’t want your child to get sick if you can avoid it.

10 – Not Letting Your Child Go Places When They’re Sick

When your child is sick, you will want to keep them home and away from others until they’re better. Your child might not enjoy this situation, but it’s part of being a parent. They might blame you for all of it, but remember that they don’t know the difference between being mean and being a parent yet.

11 – Encouraging Them to Take Care of Themselves

Some kids get frustrated when their parent asks them to take a bath or shower. Likewise, not all kids enjoy brushing their teeth. Enforcing these tasks makes you a good parent, even if your child views it differently.

12 – Showing Affection in Front of Their Friends

Kids reach an age where they don’t want you showing affection in front of their friends. They might not even want you to say “I love you”, but it’s okay if you do. Let your child think you’re a mean mom in this situation because you can never show them enough love.

13 – Not Letting Them Watch Inappropriate Movies or Shows

Your child might find inappropriate movies entertaining, but there’s a reason for the rating. Don’t be afraid to be called a mean mom for not letting your child watch something they shouldn’t.

14 – Passing on Playing with Them

While it’s nice to play with your kids, you don’t always have to. If you already do quite a bit with them and they throw a fit when you say ‘no’, ignore it. Don’t let their words get to you because kids need to hear no sometimes, especially regarding playing.

By not always playing with your kids, you teach them to be independent. It encourages individuality and creativity, and it teaches them to entertain themselves.

If you don’t want to join them on the swing set or have a water fight, you can pass on the experience. You want to teach your child that the world doesn’t revolve around them, or they’ll be in for quite a bit of disappointment later on in life. Plus, you deserve alone time sometimes, too.

15 – Not Sharing with Them Might Make You Feel Like a Mean Mom

Of course, you want to teach your child to share with others, but you also want to teach them about boundaries. If your child has a snack or meal, don’t feel bad for not sharing yours with them. Likewise, if you’re enjoying a rare treat, you can savor it without feeling guilty.

16 – Refusing to Cook Them a Separate Meal Makes You Seem Like a Mean Mom

If you provide dinner, you did your due diligence. You don’t have to make a different meal for your picky eater when they don’t want what you already made. Encourage kids to try what you made, pick out the parts they don’t like, and keep an open mind. Cooking separate meals will only encourage their pickiness.

Final Thoughts on Realizing You’re Not a Mean Mom, Just a Parent

Most children think they have a mean mom sometimes, but they don’t know that you’re just being a parent. If your child sees another parent who doesn’t enforce rules and caters to their child, they’ll have a negative view of how being a pare should look. Even still, keep being the parent you are and don’t let your child’s criticism get to you.

Your techniques will pay off when you raise good people who contribute positively to society. Plus, your children will become adults who likely look back and thank you for not giving in to everything they wanted.

Weekly tips, affirmations, and small actions to feel your best.

Anxiety Disorders

Depression

Eating Disorders

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Substance Abuse Disorders

Every day is a day to shine. Shine on!