Narcissistic people are tricky to deal with because they are all into themselves. Whenever they are at fault for something, they try to lay the blame onto other people because,
- A) it hurts their egos to think that they were wrong and,
- B) Even if they know that they are wrong, narcissists want to avoid acknowledging it at all costs—even if they are unethically avoiding the truth.
Here are thirteen sneaky ways that narcissists shift blame to others around them
1 – Ignoring the Facts
A narcissist person might try to move fault to others by completely ignoring the part of the situation in which he/she is at fault. He might altogether refuse to acknowledge aspects of the situation where he did something wrong. For example, in conversation, he might adamantly refuse to talk about something and pretend that it did not come up. The person might even refuse to speak to you.
2 – Citing Religious Reasons
In a situation where there are highly religious people, a narcissistic person might use religion to shift fault onto another person. This is done by using twisted religious rhetoric to justify why someone else is at fault. For example, let’s say that something terrible happens, and it’s the fault of the narcissistic person. The narcissist might turn the failure on other people by saying, “This happened not because of what I did, but because you did something and God didn’t like it.”
3 – Playing Victim Card and Victim Blaming
To shift blame to others, a narcissist might attempt to play the victim card. For example, if the narcissistic person was wronged to some extent, he may over-emphasize that fact in a quest to get pity from others and shift blame onto someone else. He might try to make it seem that his being victimized overrides the fact that he is at fault.
4 – Overt Manipulation
Manipulation is one of the main tools that narcissistic people have in their arsenals. They know the emotional states and psyches of the people around them, which they use to sculpt the things that they say and do. Manipulation can take many forms.
One manipulation tactic is to act overly emotional and sad. For example, a narcissistic person might try to avoid being blamed by crying and acting vulnerable. She might try to accuse you of being a terrible person for not being sympathetic if you are wise to the tactic and refuse to succumb to it.
On the other hand, a narcissistic person might act angry and aggressive, hoping that you’ll forget all about putting the fault on them out of fear. They could yell around or physically abuse people.
The person could play on whatever insecurities you have about yourself and life. The gamut of manipulation tactics is endless.
5 – Adopting a My Way or the Highway Attitude
Narcissistic people like to talk over others and monopolize conversations. A narcissistic person who wants to accuse other of being at fault others might speak over other people—keeping them from getting their words in. Narcissistic people think that if they over talk and yell over people, it will get it into everyone’s heads that they are not the ones at fault.
6 – Gaslighting Others
Gaslighting is when you try to make someone think that they are crazy for having their beliefs, concerns, and thoughts. This behavior is a manipulation tactic in which one person works to make another person doubt himself or herself.
A narcissistic person can use gaslighting to the fault onto someone else. For example, someone might understand that the narcissistic person is in the wrong for a variety of different reasons.
The narcissistic person might combat this by saying, “Oh, you’re simply crazy. Your concerns about me being in the wrong are results of you being off-balanced!”
This behavior is emotional abuse, plain and simple!
7 – Telling Outright Lies
A narcissist could straight out lie about the situation and fabricate circumstances that were not there. He could accuse you of doing something that you never did. She could make up a part of the situation that never happened—all of this just to make it look like she is not at fault.
Lying is especially harmful because the sky is the limit when it comes to what someone can lie about. Lies can cause a lot of trouble. The problem is that when a narcissistic person lies, what can you do? What can you do if the person completely refuses to utter truthful words? If you are wise to this tactic, then you can easily avoid feeling that you are at fault. The real problem comes when other people believe the narcissistic person.
8 – Making Unfair and Untrue Accusations
Some narcissistic people like to shift blame by throwing out random accusations. For example, a narcissistic person might say things like: “You punched me,” “You abused me,” “You’re mentally ill,” “You never loved me,” “You’re stalking me,” and whatever other accusation they can think of.
The point of throwing out accusations is to take attention away from the narcissist’s faults. Narcissistic people do this so that the idea that someone else did something worse and is at fault for something is introduced into the conversation.
9 – Acting Dramatically
A narcissistic person might shift blame onto other people by acting overly dramatic and saying things aloud that makes it sound like others are to blame. If others are in the room, they might see the narcissist behaving dramatically and think that there is something terrible going on and that you are to blame.
10 – Bringing Up Old Situations
A common trick that narcissists do to avoid blame is to bring up past situations in which you were at fault or faced a shortcoming. The circumstances may have absolutely nothing to do with the current situation that they should be blamed for. Whatever conditions the narcissistic person brings up could be completely irrelevant.
11 – Bringing Up Your Faults
A narcissist might also try to dodge the blame by talking about the faults of other people. They behave this way to detract away from their shortcomings. Again, the person might bring up things that are utterly irrelevant to the situation to divert away from being blamed.
12 – Making Arguments About the Argument
A narcissistic person will try to pull fault away from themselves by arguing about the argument that you are having with them. For example, the person might laugh at how you speak or what you say. He might disagree about the way that you are arguing. She might even accuse you of doing what she is doing.
13 – Manipulating Those Around You
If the issue is only between two people—you and the narcissist—it is easier to remedy the situation by being wise to the narcissist’s tactics. However, if there are other people in the room who can get easily triggered by things that the narcissist says and does, you are out of luck.
This is because other people may not be wise to the tactics that the narcissistic person uses. Also, the narcissists might bring up certain things about you that other people have gripes about. Being triggered to think about their grievances might make them less likely to see the current situation for how it is.
Even if a narcissistic person is unable to manipulate you into thinking that they are not at fault, they may be adept at manipulating other people. If they succeed in swaying other people, they might get their way, even if you know their number.
For example, a narcissist who accuses you of doing something to trigger someone else in the room to be on their side. Here is an example.
If a narcissist randomly accuses you of assault, there might be someone else in the room who takes such accusations very seriously. The people in the room who hear those accusations might be apt to believe that you beat up the narcissist. And even if you never did, those around you could buy into the narcissist’s story. Suddenly, the blame is off of the narcissist and now on you.
Anything can be a trigger for the people around you. You are emotionally intelligent enough to deal with a narcissist. However, that does not mean that the people around you are wise to their tricks. Someone narcissistic could try any of the tactics mentioned above on the people around you. A narcissistic person who weeps and acts vulnerable might pull at the heartstrings of other people. Not showing sympathy toward the narcissistic person could make you look bad in front of other people.
In conclusion, these are the ways that narcissists try to place blame on other people. They bring up old situations from the past that are irrelevant to the current situation, use manipulation tactics, try to manipulate those around the initial person who they are talking to, lie, make up false accusations, act overly dramatic, gaslight people, ignore any conversations about them being at fault, talk over people and act aggressively whenever people try to point out the truth.