The Cold Hard Truth About Having a Narcissistic Parent

The Cold Hard Truth About Having a Narcissistic Parent



Growing up and establishing an identity of your own is hard enough to do in a “normal,” healthy family. When the family has serious issues, it’s that much harder. Having a narcissistic parent can introduce huge extra challenges.

The truth is they won’t fundamentally change. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder may make superficial efforts to fit in socially, but deep down inside, they will continue to have a skewed set of priorities that are a problem for people around them.


Here’s the cold hard truth about having a narcissistic parent:

You Need To Learn To Love Yourself

A narcissist isn’t really capable of loving other people. Being raised by such a person can you leave you warped by practices like parentification. One result is that you will tend to spend a lot of time looking to get validation from them, looking to prove you are good enough and looking for the love from them that you should have gotten but never did.

This is a dead end. It’s a bankrupt relationship. Putting more into it tends to be like throwing good money after bad.

Such people are emotional vampires. They will always bleed you. They will never nourish you. You need to learn to nourish yourself. You need to learn to love yourself.


No Contact And Practical Alternatives

Some people choose to cut the Narcissistic parent out of their life completely. Others choose to remain touch, but to limit the contact.

Going no contact is the simpler answer. For some people, it is the only one that is manageable.

However, it is also the most extreme and the fact that it is so extreme can interfere with you getting a normal life. It can interfere with relationships with other relatives and it can look really weird to people with healthier families who just won’t understand and may be inclined to assume you are the problem.

One option is to take a job, or marry someone with a career, that will take you far from home and make it impractical to visit much. If handled right, this can make it look to the parents like you aren’t avoiding them.


You will still need to wrestle with them trying to micromanage your life from afar. But it is easier to limit the information they have and the control they can exercise if they live far enough away.

This won’t work as well if your Narcissistic parent has the means and inclination to readily drop by to see you in spite of the distance. In a case like that, you will have no real choice but to take the bull by the horns and tell them they can’t do certain things if they wish to remain a part of your life.

You Need To Learn To Set Healthy Boundaries

Whether you cut them out of your life or not, you will still need to learn to set healthy boundaries, if only to try to have healthy relationships with other people. When you are parentified by a Narcissistic parent, boundaries get weird. It takes work to realign your social expectations and get them out of the weird zone.

Some things you can do work on improving your boundaries:

Your subscription could not be saved. Please try again.
ThankThank you! Your free book preview is in your email. If you don’t see it immediately, please check your spam or promotions folder.