Some things belong together, such as peanut butter and jelly or little kids and tempting mud puddles. When you are with your partner, you should both feel you were meant to be a couple. But you interrupt that pleasurable connection if you struggle with incompatibility issues.
Attraction and compatibility aren’t the same, and incompatibility is a huge issue.
You may see an attractive person across the room, and your heart beats wildly. Those feelings are physical attraction and infatuation. You may meet that person, and the sparks still there. However, once you get to know them and go on a few dates, it’s possible that you two aren’t compatible.
Even if they seem nice enough and your family and friends approve, you may be too different to continue a relationship.
Ten Signs of Incompatibility in Your Relationship
Some people get involved in a relationship and disregard the vast differences between themselves and their mates. It often ends up with a nasty breakup that hurts them and possibly others. Be cautious and look for these ten red flags that incompatibility is an issue.
1. You Have Nothing in Common
Remember the saying that birds of a feather flock together? What were some of the things that first attracted you to your significant other? Even though physical attraction is first, compatibility is what keeps people together.
On the other hand, they also say that opposites attract. While that is true on some levels, you need something you both like to form a bond. If you can’t find common ground and aren’t interested in sharing new interests, then you may be incompatible together.
2. You Fight Dirty and Often
When you hear a couple say that they never disagree, then they are either dishonest, or one of them isn’t being true to themselves. You may be together, but you and your person are still individuals with different opinions and interpretations. It’s only natural to clash horns occasionally.
The only difference is that compatible couples know each other and try not to let disagreements get out of hand. Each of you knows which buttons not to push and when the argument is getting overheated. You may bicker a bit, but your serious arguments aren’t an everyday occurrence.
However, you should take notice if you and your mate fight more than you cuddle. It’s also a red flag when one or both of you resort to calling names and hurdling profoundly hurtful insults. In this case, you’ve created an incompatible war zone and not space conducive to love.
3. You’re At Odds with Your Different Cultures
It’s beautiful when two adults fall in love and share their different cultures with each other. While blending two cultures and making compromises is difficult, it can be done. If you and your lover have cultural, ethnic, or national differences, it requires love and patience to be a couple.
Unfortunately, some couples can’t make any concessions concerning their different cultures and beliefs. Conflict often surrounds family on both sides and how you will raise your children. If neither of you can budge and you constantly feel at odds, it may be wise to rethink your relationship.
4. You Aren’t on the Same Page for Future Goals
To fulfill your destiny, you must have goals for the future. Of course, they may change countless times as a teen and young adult. Eventually, you will have your goals in mind as you map the roads that will lead you to them.
Your significant other also has long-held dreams. Just because you both have different plans doesn’t mean you can’t be together. When couples fall in love, they share their goals and weave them together as needed.
When your partner talks about the future, does it include you or just them? Are they painted in your future’s portrait? If you can’t have honest conversations and make compromises as needed, maybe you’re not meant to be together.
5. Incompatibility Makes You Feel Insecure in the Relationship
One of the basic human needs is security, both physically and emotionally. Of course, your main concern is to be confident and secure in yourself. You can’t depend on anybody to do it for you.
However, humans do need to feel secure in their relationships. You need to know that your partner has your back and best interests at heart. They will be faithful to you and will be your greatest cheerleader in life.
What if you don’t have that security? Do you have a sneaking suspicion or doubts about your person’s honesty, love, and fidelity? You are probably incompatible if trust and safety aren’t there in the relationship.
6. Your Conversations are Superficial
According to an article published by PsychAlive, couples can’t achieve intimacy unless they can effectively communicate with each other. Do you and your person have meaningful conversations or revolve around the weather? Communicating and sharing your feelings is the only way to keep a relationship alive.
Are you both active listeners? This goes beyond just hearing; you become involved in what each other is saying. Good listeners consider what the other is saying without judgment or interruption. Your relationship won’t be successful unless you both can share how you feel with mutual validation.
7. Incompatibility Occurs When You Have Different Ideas About Finances
You may have heard that money is the number one argument in most relationships. A study published by the National Library of Medicine found that although financial problems weren’t the top argument, it was often the motivation to other conflicts. The study also notes that financial arguments were often reoccurring and were less likely to be resolved.
Most of the decisions you make as a couple will depend on money. Your financial stability is paramount if you decide to make a home together or have children. To have compatible goals for the future, you must be on the same page when finances are concerned.
If you and your mate have joint accounts, you’re more apt to encounter financial differences. Having different concepts about making, saving, and spending money can create an irreparable break in your relationship. If they are frivolous and you are thrifty, it will be nearly impossible to stay together peacefully.
8. Your Values Don’t Match
When you are looking for love, you want someone who shares your values. This goes beyond religion or preferences. A person’s values show their character and how they treat others.
A person who doesn’t share your values isn’t necessarily a bad character. For instance, maybe your value system includes close-knits with extended family. Your partner may value privacy with as little family interaction as possible.
If you are devoted to your faith, you may have values that are part of it. It may be in direct conflict with your partner’s faith or absence thereof. Such conflict can get messy when it includes holidays, family, and future children.
There are a few minor differences that may be insignificant. However, you must agree on core values like love, honesty, faithfulness, and responsibility. When there’s incompatibility, it’s hard to make it work as a couple.
9. Your Senses of Humor Aren’t Congruent
Isn’t it refreshing to fall in love with somebody who has a great sense of humor? It gets even better when you have one too, and you can joke and laugh together. If you are the life of the party and your person is a grump, that’s an issue.
Your relationship can also be problematic if you are more severe, and your mate is a constant clown. Being too silly can be just as bad or even worse as being too strait-laced. For the relationship to work, you both must find a balance between the two.
While most people enjoy a good joke and belly laugh, it should never be at another’s expense. Light mutual teasing is fine if it doesn’t cross the lines of respect. If your partner intends to use hate, racism, and other inappropriate conversation as humor, you get the last laugh and break ties.
10. You Feel Negative Vibes
Many people describe falling in love as having butterflies fluttering about in their stomachs. Seeing their person’s face or feeling their touch brings instant joy. Even with each other’s faults, you and your mate still think that eternal spark.
What if your butterflies are more like moths, and the spark feels more like a burn? You must listen to your inner voice. The object of your affection may seem perfect in every way, but something in your soul whispers they aren’t the one.
It’s better to find out that there’s an incompatibility issue in the beginning. If you go into a relationship hoping that they will change, you are setting yourself up for painful failure. Listen to your heart and look the other way.
Final Thoughts on Incompatibility in a Couple
The whole idea of being in a relationship is that you belong together. It’s not to say that you won’t have your share of conflicts and heartaches, but incompatibility makes things impossible. However, the minor issues you can handle, especially if you’re both on the same page.