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6 Ways to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence

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What makes someone successful? Is it book smarts, street smarts or a combination of the two? Is someone naturally gifted in their field? In fact, most successful people have emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is knowing how to remain calm in the face of adversity and collected and focused despite external challenges. Moreover, it is the quality that makes people happy and successful.

That is good news because unlike being naturally-gifted, emotional intelligence is a skill that can be learned, practiced and improved.

In a study on emotional intelligence, a group of participants given emotional intelligence training were better able to handle difficult situations and manage their emotions than the group that received no training at all. The study also showed that the one-time training lasted well beyond the experiment. This means the work you do now will benefit you well into the future.

Here are 6 ways to develop your emotional intelligence:

1 – Be Self-Aware

The first step to increasing your emotional intelligence is to understand your emotions by becoming aware of them. We are often told to hide our feelings but to tap into your emotional intelligence you need to feel.

Start by observing what you are feeling during one given day. Stop yourself and let yourself feel whatever it is you’re feeling.

Feel it and then describe it. When you describe it, you are becoming more aware and will begin to understand your emotional triggers and patterns.

2 – Adapt Your Emotions

Now that you are becoming more aware of your emotions start looking for patterns and triggers. Look back at a situation where your emotions got the best of you and think of what you would do differently if you had remained calm and collected.

This mental exercise isn’t about beating yourself up; it is about learning from your past experiences to better prepare you for the future. The best place to be when reacting to a situation is in a place of calm. Once you begin to recognize the patterns, you can talk yourself out of overreacting and begin to react with more intention.

3 – Forgive

Forgiveness is often misinterpreted as letting someone off the hook. The reality is forgiveness is about taking back emotional control over your feelings and releasing the control someone else has over you. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

Forgiveness is acknowledging that the action happened and how it made you feel. There is nothing there that can be changed. You can choose to reside in the feelings of the past or choose to move through them. Moving through it and letting it go is the one the healthiest and most beneficial things you can do for yourself.

4 – Be Empathetic

Understanding your feelings is only half the equation, the other half is understanding and being able to imagine how others feel. Empathy connects you to another person through shared feelings.

By nature we are selfish beings; we want what we want. And that works just fine until you have to interact with another selfish person. It is through shared feelings that we begin to find our true, authentic self. Our ability to empathize with people gives us the courage to live outside of ourselves.

5 – Manage Criticism

We are critical beings, and one of the best and easiest ways to increase emotional intelligence is to stop taking everything so seriously. In other words, lighten up.

How you manage the criticism you receive, can impact every area of your life. If you are holding onto critical statements and carrying them with you throughout the day, that negativity is infecting everything you touch.

It’s important to realize that most criticism that evokes negative feelings in us is usually designed for that purpose by the other person. When we react negatively to criticism, whether constructive or not, we are reacting out of our fears and insecurities.

Go back to becoming more self-aware and adapt your emotions to the situation. When you begin to react to criticism from a place of calm rather than anger, you begin to see the criticism as a valuable tool for improving your performance and showing someone’s true colors.

6 – Stand Up for What Is Right

When you begin to develop your emotional intelligence, you are just trying to get better acquainted with your feelings and how to adapt them to serve you better. Every interaction comes with emotions from everyone involved, and now it’s time to take your emotional intelligence to a new level by standing up for what is right.

Gossiping is a prime example. When you are in a conversation that includes gossip, you might not have the most positive feelings yet you let the gossip go on. There are a million reasons why you do: you don’t want to offend anyone, you want to be part of the crowd, or you don’t know how to take a stand.

By not doing what is right, which is speaking from your experience, you are not adapting your emotions to the situation, you are giving in to them. Do what’s right and take a stand for your truth. It is not always easy swimming upstream, but the effort always pays off in the end.

Developing and growing your emotional intelligence is something that anyone can do. It doesn’t require a high IQ or access to higher education, it simply requires you to become vulnerable enough to listen and learn from your feelings.

10 Things You Don’t Need to Live an Awesome Life

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We spend the majority of our lives just waiting for them to get better somehow. But, we often forget about the power and happiness that lies within us already, activated by our awareness and willingness to dig deep inside ourselves to find real meaning.

You came to this Earth as a complete, limitless being, and you can start living an awesome life NOW, without waiting for certain conditions to be met. Despite what you may have heard before, you certainly don’t need these things to enjoy life to the fullest.

10 Things You Don’t Need to Live an Awesome Life

1. A Ton of Friends

As you grow up, you learn the importance of having a few good friends rather than a few handfuls of distant acquaintances. The saying “quality over quantity” really applies here; have a close circle of friends who you can confide in and share both the good and bad times with – you won’t feel the need to count when you really connect with the people in your life.

2. Approval of Others

You might feel comforted and reassured when others agree with you, but you don’t need their consent – you just want it to feel accepted. However, the highest form of acceptance comes when you rely on yourself and no one else for validation.

At the end of the day, caring so much what others say about how you choose to live your life will drain your energy and make you doubt your inner voice. Truthfully, you don’t need their approval as long as you trust in your gut feelings to guide you.

3. A Detailed Map of the Future

You could plan to go to college for four years, score a high-paying job, get married, buy a house, and settle down and have kids. But, what if life had different plans for you? What if you started your degree and realized you didn’t really have a passion for it? What if you developed a strong interest in yoga during your time in college, and decided to get certified to teach yoga instead?

Of course, your own scenario will probably differ from this one, but the point remains: don’t get so caught up in planning out your future that you freak out when things don’t go as intended. You don’t need to have such a rigid agenda for your future, because most of the time, life will direct you to a path you didn’t expect to find.

4. Perfection

Many times, people fall into an all too common trap: thinking they will attain happiness when they meet all the conditions to live a “perfect” life. But, what happens when they never meet all of those conditions? Will they never find happiness?

Truthfully, you don’t need to have all your ducks in a row in order to live a happy life; what you do need, however, is an optimistic, resilient attitude, and the willpower to keep going no matter what obstacles you face.

5. An Obsession with Money

Money – it can either help or hurt people, depending on how you look at it. It’s fine to desire enough money to live comfortably, but when it becomes an obsession of possession, you have crossed into unhealthy territory.

Don’t give in to the hype; money can buy basic necessities, freedoms, and help many people when you allow it, but it doesn’t define you as a person – your true value lies in the size of your heart. Money is a form of energy that can help us live an awesome life, as long as we own it and it doesn’t own us. Even so, money isn’t most important – when you focus on what money can’t buy, you’ll realize you already have what truly matters in life.

6. Living Up to Society’s Expectations

Maybe you feel pressured to have a “normal” life just because everyone else does, but trust me, you don’t need a 9-5 job, a 30-year mortgage, lots of material possessions, an impeccable credit score, or even a car, to feel happy. Society drills these expectations into people’s heads, and influences people to believe they just cannot live in any other way than the one sold to the masses. Don’t worry about measuring up to any standards; just follow your heart and focus on what makes you the happiest. Remember, life doesn’t come with a manual on how to live it; you get to write it as you go along.

7. Always Having a Romantic Relationship

Sure, romantic relationships can bring so much happiness and comfort into one’s life, but many people still use others to provide them with stability and pleasure without first finding it themselves. Just because you don’t currently have a partner doesn’t mean that you won’t in the future; just focus on living in the present and cultivating your own happiness. As you create a life you love, you will attract a like-minded partner who not only loves you but loves him or herself as well (which is just as important).

8. A Stress-Free Life

This one might come as a surprise, but short-term stress has actually been shown to have benefits by boosting brainpower, increasing immunity and resilience, and instilling motivation.

Realistically, no one can live a life completely free of stressors, but you can adjust your attitude so that no matter what situation you encounter, you can get through it triumphantly while becoming a better person in the process.

9. Constant Praise from Others

It feels good when people commend us for our accomplishments, but you should feel equally as proud of your achievements even if no one cheers you on. Family and friends will most likely support you, but don’t become so addicted to the compliments that you feel you need them to boost your self-esteem.

You can still feel awesome about yourself and have a high level of self-worth even if others don’t offer you continual praise.

10. Power

I don’t mean the power you have within – I mean seeking it outside yourself and using it to dominate others. Many of the top corporations in the world got to where they are today because of their incessant fixation on power. You don’t need to exert control and force upon others in order to feel important and worthwhile; in fact, this behavior will only isolate you from the majority of society. Stay humble, and remember that the strongest people in the world have won the most vicious battle ever fought: the war with the mind.

“Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power. -Tao Te Ching”

20 Secrets to Creating Meaningful Relationships

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Unfortunately, relationships don’t come equipped with instruction manuals and lifetime warranties – we just have to learn from experience and take our chances with the people who come into our lives. Even so, you can ensure more successful, deeper relationships by keeping these things in mind:

20 Secrets to Creating Meaningful Relationships

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1 – Understand Yourself More to Understand Others Better

The deeper your knowledge of yourself, the more engaging your relationships with others will be. You have to dive into your soul’s depths and look at yourself before you can surface again; otherwise, your understanding of people won’t ever exist beyond shallow waters.

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” – Lao Tzu

2 – Don’t Allow Others to Dictate Your Emotions

Nothing outside yourself should determine how you feel because you get to choose your emotions in each moment. Others might influence your feelings, but they should never get the best of you. To become the master of yourself, you must realize that only you govern your mind, not anyone else.

3 – Never Sacrifice Who You Are for Someone Else

Put your best self forward, and don’t worry about what others have to say. If you feel like someone doesn’t appreciate who you are, let them go. We came here to express ourselves authentically, not suppress ourselves to appeal to others’ wishes.

4 – Everyone Is Just a Reflection of You

Realize that everyone walking this Earth is just another you. They breathe the same air, have the same basic needs, and have a heart that beats with purpose just like you do. We all have slight differences, but our similarities connect us profoundly and serve as a bond.

5 – Don’t Expect Anything from Others

High expectations often come with great disappointments. By having no expectations, you will get a pleasant surprise when you come across honorable people, and have an easier time brushing off those with bad intentions.

6 – Give People Your Undivided Attention When They Speak

In this age of instant connection with the world online, we have largely forgotten how to converse with people in person. When someone speaks, put down your phone and really clue in to what they have to say; active listening enhances relationships, improves trust, and makes the other person feel like they matter.

7 – Loving Yourself More Attracts Others Capable of Giving that Love Back to You

Since you attract what you are, cultivating more self-love within and becoming more empathetic toward yourself will allow others who reciprocate those feelings into your life. Remember, you have an invisible energy field around you called your aura that others can sense, so increase your vibration to attract better people into your life.

8 – Open Your Heart Fully, and Don’t Let the Fear of Getting Hurt Hold You Back

All of us have been through some sort of pain in the past, but letting it control you will only block love from entering your life. Once you realize that everyone comes into your life to teach you something, you can transcend that pain and open yourself up to new experiences.

9 – Give Unconditional Love No Matter if It’s Returned

The more love you give, the more will come back to you. Once everyone can overcome the ego and embody their true loving nature, we will see a world with much less hurt and more thriving relationships.

10 – The Right People Will Come Along When You Stop Looking for Them

“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” – Will Smith

When you stop chasing and allow your point of attraction to bring your experiences to you, life begins to align itself exactly as it should.  The life and relationships you want will come to you – just continue to be patient and think positively.

11 – Every Relationship Can Teach You Valuable Lessons

Don’t ever consider a relationship a waste of time or failure – every person you encounter plays an important role in your evolution as a spiritual being. Honor all relationships in your life, no matter how fleeting the connection.

12 – A Few Good Friends Are Better Than A Thousand Acquaintances

As you get older, you will learn to appreciate quality friends and lose interest in counting how many you have. At the end of the day, it’s not how many connections you’ve made but the depth of those connections that truly matter.

13 – Don’t Mistake Lust for Love

Lust is an egoic, skin-deep desire. Love, however, takes time and effort to cultivate and doesn’t have any motive other than to exist. Lust is selfish; love is selfless.

14 – Break Free From the Prison of What Others Think of You

The most successful relationships happen between those who feel perfectly comfortable in their own skin. People will talk regardless of your words and actions, so you may as well be yourself.

15 – Strive to Become the Most Authentic Version of Yourself

You have to spend the rest of your life in your skin – would you rather live out your days trying to escape yourself or accepting yourself and letting your spirit soar?

16 – Bring Positive Energy Into All Your Relationships

“What you allow is what will continue.” – Unknown

If you permit negativity into your relationships and don’t try to transmute it with positive energy, your relationships will inevitably suffer. Bring kindness and sincerity to your relationships; negativity won’t have any room to exist.

17 – We See Others How We See Ourselves

If you only notice the flaws in people, you likely see yourself as a flawed, inferior being. Work on changing your perception of yourself, and you will also see others in a different light.

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18 – Don’t Attempt to Change People

People won’t change unless they want to, so just love everyone as they are, imperfections and all.

19 – Free Yourself from Suffering

Suffering is a choice; the more you let it linger, the more you see it appear in your relationships. Let go of pain and watch your relationships flourish.

20 – Accept that Others Make Mistakes From Time to Time

Avoid putting people on a pedestal – everyone slips up at some point, so forgive them. Every mistake offers an opportunity for growth, and solid relationships thrive on people committed to bettering themselves.

10 Affirmations You Never Want to Tell Yourself

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We talk a lot here about the power of positive affirmations because they can truly improve your life if you practice them consistently. A few demeaning thoughts here and there might seem innocent enough, but they can quickly multiply if you don’t counter them with more positive thoughts.

If you tell yourself any of the following affirmations regularly, make sure you stop telling them to yourself right now, and swap them out for more uplifting, positive affirmations instead.

Here Are 10 Affirmations You Never Want to Tell Yourself

positive affirmations

1. “I’ll never be good enough.”

By far, this sentence right here disempowers people more than anything else. It automatically sets you up for failure before you even begin because it instills the limiting belief that you don’t possess the qualities to succeed in life. Remember, you incarnated here during these times because you have a specific purpose and the strength to bear all of life’s struggles. You ARE good enough because otherwise, you wouldn’t have been called upon to make a difference.

2. “I can’t.”

Think of how much you have accomplished in your life so far and how many opportunities you’ve found by overcoming obstacles. Your ego always wants to take the lead and discourage you from moving forward, but your heart can quickly overpower your mind if you believe in it. Remember, what you think about comes about, so by believing you can’t do something, you will manifest that exact reality. Empower yourself, and realize that the only limits in life are the ones you place on yourself.

3. “I’ll never get out of this situation.”

Just because your present doesn’t represent the life you want doesn’t mean that the universe won’t help you create a better reality. Struggles are inevitable in life, but remember, those who have met the most challenges will receive the most rewards later on. Good things take time, so don’t doubt what the universe has for you. It may not seem like it, but everything ALWAYS works in divine order, and your current situation reflects your vibration. Change your vibration to change your situation.

4. “My life is a mess.”

Learn to see the beauty in chaos. Just because you don’t have everything in order and live a “perfect” existence doesn’t mean you can’t have an enjoyable life. The happiest people make the best of their situation, change what they can, and forget what they can’t. We often magnify our problems but don’t give thanks for our blessings. Focus on what you love about your life, and your problems will suddenly seem less severe.

5. “I need to live up to other’s expectations to make them happy.”

If others only feel happy when you meet certain conditions, that’s a problem with themselves, not you. Therefore, it only makes sense to make yourself happy, and others can either hop on board the happy train or complain about everything because they had a different idea of how you should live. At the end of your life, you’ll want to look back and say you lived how YOU wanted, not how others suggested you should.

6. “Everything is hopeless.”

hope-affirmations-quote

Giving in to the idea that you can’t make changes in your life only makes you a victim, leaving you powerless, afraid, and frustrated. You can only cultivate a more hopeful, positive attitude about life by changing yourself first because then the outside world will match your vibration. Where you once saw destruction, you will see opportunities to plant the seeds of change. Where you once saw angry people, you will see people give your love to so that their faith in humanity might be restored. It’s only hopeless if you believe it is, so try to see the positive in any situation.

7. “Life is too hard.”

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.” – Khalil Gibran

Remember this quote next time you feel you can’t take another step; every battle you fight only makes you more resilient and capable. Every struggle makes you stronger, so don’t let them get you down; feel thankful for the lessons you’ve learned, and use them to sculpt the life you’ve envisioned for yourself.

8. “I feel so alone.”

We have over 7 billion people on this planet, so even if you feel lonely at times, know that someone, somewhere, is going through the same thing as you. If you feel alone, get to know yourself better, and learn to enjoy your own company. You can’t feel alone if you enjoy who you’re spending time with, which will help you connect deeper with others.

9. “It’s too late for me to change my life.”

Whether you’re 35 or 75, you can ALWAYS make a difference in your life. Age is just a number, and time is everlasting. Just do what you can in each moment you have breath in your body, and you won’t have any regrets. Make the most of what you have, and don’t allow the past to dictate your present or future. You have the power to mold your life however you choose, and life can change in an instant based on the choices you make in the moment.

10. “I give up.”

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The moment you say this to yourself, you admit defeat. You reject any further experiences for growth that you might have had, and instead tell yourself that you don’t have what it takes to keep going. But, you forget that you have limitless potential and came here to embody your highest self. You have everything you need within, so don’t let your ego tell you otherwise.

Keep this powerful quote in mind anytime you feel negative thoughts creeping up:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” – Marianne Williamson

What positive affirmations do you use daily?  Share in the conversation below!

5 Ways to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed

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Feeling overwhelmed is pretty common in today’s society. Managing overwhelm is a key component for working through challenges and living a happier life.

The feeling of being overwhelmed is more than just trying to figure out how to juggle a bunch of stuff at once. Overwhelm is about learning to manage life and everything it throws at us.

Here are 5 simple ways to stop feeling overwhelmed

It all starts by asking yourself one simple question…

1 – Assess What You Can Do Right Now

Sometimes stepping out of the place where you are feeling overwhelmed and trying to put things in perspective is all that is needed to help get you back to a centered place. By asking yourself what you can do right now, you are evaluating the situation and what actions you can take.

Asking yourself, “what can I do right now?” helps:

  • Provide a here and now awareness ­ being in the present moment.
  • Slow down of the mind and body
  • Suspend judgment of the situation

Once you start putting a plan in place with the simplest of first steps, your mind and body can relax, focus and get to work on solving the issue at hand.

2 – Value Your Time

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The lack of clarity about what is important in our lives is one of the main reasons why people end up feeling overwhelmed. Establishing clarity can be one of the most impactful solutions to overwhelm.

Setting boundaries around the use of your time is key. Protect your family time and work time equally. They may not always be equal to the amount of hours allocated, but they should be equal in how fervently you protect them. Start scheduling blocks of time on your calendar and establish some rules around that time.

Family time might mean you won’t check emails, Facebook or texts. Work time might mean not calling home to chit chat with your significant other, or it might mean putting rules on your to­do list that supports your big goals. Wherever you are and whatever you are doing deserves your attention. By focusing on the now, you are avoiding overloading your brain.

3 – Learn to Say No

It’s often hard to say no because, as humans, our natural tendency is to please others. There is a lot of talk about the word “no” and learning to say it. It takes many people well into adulthood to get comfortable saying it. But once they do, their world is changed for the better.

The first step to saying no is to stop saying yes. That might seem obvious but what needs to happen is for you to take time when you asked for something. Stop the automatic yes and allow for the opportunity to say no.

Give”no” a try. It is a sure way to help you manage life and end the feeling of overwhelm. Start slowly at first, and you will soon realize that the only pressure to say yes comes from you.

4 – Ask for Help

It is often our limited thinking that prevents us from asking for help when surrounded by people willing and available to accommodate us.

It can be hard to ask for help because no one wants to impose on others. It’s easy to pretend we have it all together and can do it all by ourselves. But why would we want to?

Look at it from the other side of the coin, You probably can’t wait to help others. Helping others is a natural positivity tonic. Since helping others makes you feel good, why not let someone else feel good by helping you?

5 – Brain Dump

Our brains are not designed to be storage units, yet we use it as such by carrying our to­do lists in our heads.

The problem with this is we keep adding to this list but rarely take anything off, so our brain becomes … you guessed it, overwhelmed.

Focus on alleviating some of the pressure we put on our brains by getting things out of your head and down on paper or some digital note-taking device. Your to-­do list is better served when in a safe place.

The process of getting things out of your brain and onto paper is commonly known as brain dumping. You are doing exactly what it says, clearing your mind by dumping your ideas, thoughts, and tasks somewhere where you can reference in the future. Doing this releases the pressure on your brain to remember. Writing down everything means everything. Dump it all. Seeing what’s on your mind as individual tasks and not as one big list, makes everything seem much more manageable and achievable.

Becoming overwhelmed is something we create when we allow ourselves to take on too much responsibility. Doing things to manage what is on our plate will help manage it and make us happier in the end.

What ways do you manage your mind from feeling overwhelmed?  Share in the discussion below! We would also love to invite you to follow our Facebook group.

25 Things to Stop Letting People Do to You

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Socializing and making new friends is a part of life. In fact, it is an important part of living a long, healthy and happy life. However, it is important to be cautious with the people we let into our lives, and how we allow them to treat us.

How we allow people to treat us says a lot more about us than them ­ and this goes for new friends as well as old, and acquaintances as well as family. If someone treats us badly, they obviously have some issues going on in their lives. But if we allow them to treat us badly, then we are saying we aren’t valuable enough.

It is time to start standing up for the person you are and stop letting people do things to you that affect you in a negative way.

Stop letting people do these things to you . . .

1 – Always complain

When someone is complaining they are stuck in a “woe is me” mentality and can’t contribute to your relationship in a positive way. Allow them to vent but make sure they are taking action to move beyond the complaint.

2 – Give backhanded compliments

You know the kind of compliments that sound like they should be a compliment but don’t make you feel like you were just complimented? Stop them and ask for real, genuine compliments when deserved.

3 – Be too needy

If they run to you for help with their simplest tasks, they are robbing you of time. It might seem like it is a good thing to be needed but there must be a balance.

4 – Demand all your time

It may seem cute at first to have someone want to spend every waking moment with you, but the demand for your time should subside after the “honeymoon” phase. If it doesn’t, you may have bigger problems on your hands.

5 – Disapprove of your other friends

If they are finding things wrong with your other friends in the hopes you will give them up, you will never be able to grow your social support network. Their disapproval is not your problem.

6 – Ask you to choose them over your family

They are seeking validation when they ask you to choose them over your family. Someone who truly cares about you should know how important your family is and the bonds you’ve shared over a lifetime.

7 – Expect you to do all the compromising

A relationship is all about compromising but when you are the only person comprising there is bound to be trouble.

8 – Pick fights

Most people don’t like to live in a constant state of arguing, and those that do are doing so as a form of control. You deserve better than to subject yourself to constant bickering and negativity.

9 – Make you less than a priority

When everything and everyone else takes priority over you, then you need to stand up for yourself.

10 – Have no faith in you

Relationships are built on trust. Without trust, there is no relationship.

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11 – Avoid sharing their feelings

It is impossible to grow a relationship without becoming a bit vulnerable and opening up and sharing how you feel. Be concerned if your partner isn’t emotionally available to you.

12 – Constantly bring up the past

No good comes from constantly bringing up past mistakes. You will end up resenting the person in the end.

13 – Keep track of your every move

Just because someone wants to know everything about you doesn’t mean they should. They should respect you enough to allow you to live your life and be okay with the fact that you have a life outside your relationship.

14 – Be unkind to you and others

You deserve to be around people that have the ability to be kind. It’s as simple as that.

15 – Have unusually high expectations

It is one thing to have high expectations for yourself, but imposing those expectations on others is unacceptable. If you feel like you can’t measure up then, the relationship isn’t serving you.

16 – Always find fault with your actions

If you feel like you can’t do anything right, then chances are you never will. Truly supportive relationships don’t place blame.

17 – Be over­eager to please

When someone is over­eager to please, they are seeking validation from an outside source. That person is not emotionally stable enough to be in relationship with you.

18 – Discount your dreams.

You must surround yourself with people who believe in your dreams, or you will have a hard time achieving them.

19 – Blame you for what goes wrong in their life

Accepting responsibility for what happens in your life is an important part of being in a thriving relationship. Don’t allow someone else to shift the blame onto you.

20 – Make you feel ashamed or embarrassed

If someone embarrasses you or makes you feel ashamed of something, they are more focused on covering up their part than supporting you through it.

21 – Manipulate you

When someone uses emotion or other “carrots” to get you to do something you don’t feel good about doing, they are using your love to manipulate you.

22 – Be lazy

If you are the one that does all the work, then it isn’t a real partnership.

23 – “Rewrite history” to make you look bad

They selectively remember events to make them look good, and you look bad. Make sure and correct their version of history and move on.

24 – Use veiled threats

No good can come from a threat, even when done nicely. Partners do not threaten, they discuss and compromise.

25 – Not forgive

If they are holding onto past actions and refuse to let them go, they are in essence letting go of the relationship instead.

Bottom Line on Stopping People From Walking All Over You

trust your inner voice. If something doesn’t feel quite right, then it probably isn’t, and it’s time to stick up for yourself.

12 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Avoid

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Do you consider yourself an emotionally intelligent person?

Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is simply the keen ability to perceive, control, and evaluate the emotions of yourself and those around you. Some experts believe that a person’s EQ outweighs their IQ in terms of their success and how they fare in social relationships.

While it’s still debatable whether emotional intelligence can be learned or if it’s an inborn characteristic, people with high emotional awareness generally avoid the following actions and behaviors:

emotionally intelligent women

1. Emotionally intelligent people don’t let their feelings go unchecked.

According to psychologist and author Daniel Goleman, one of the pioneers of emotional intelligence, self-awareness is one of the five main attributes of those with a high EQ. Essentially, emotionally intelligent people have a high level of mindfulness about their emotions and feelings, and possess a deep understanding of how these feelings affect them and the people around them.

They don’t allow their emotions to get out of hand, and they don’t ever ignore how they feel. They might think more with their heart rather than their head, but this makes them more sensitive to the feelings of themselves and others.

2. They don’t dismiss other people’s feelings.

Empathy, another major characteristic of highly emotionally intelligent people, means that you deeply understand how someone else feels, and try to put yourself in their shoes. People with a high EQ don’t disregard how others feel; on the contrary, they actually want to decode the feelings of others because they have such compassion for them. They can even read people’s emotions on their face and gather information about their emotions based on body language. They can anticipate other people’s needs and are highly perceptive.

3. Emotionally intelligent people don’t allow others to control their emotions.

People with a high EQ, while very sensitive, aim to maintain control of their feelings at all times, no matter what other people may say to them. They don’t let other people rain on their parade; they celebrate life and keep a positive attitude, even if they’re celebrating alone. Emotionally strong individuals have a resiliency about them, and bounce back quickly from rejection, betrayal, and other forms of negativity.

4. They avoid the victim mentality.

Because they have such a high awareness of their emotions, they realize that only they can control how they feel. They don’t blame others if they have a bad day, and they constantly regulate their emotions in order to cope best with what’s going on around them. Additionally, they redirect negative emotions into a more productive activity or thought, and take full responsibility for how they feel.

They avoid complaining to their friends constantly about situations in their life. They don’t like to spend too much time in self-pity, and they motivate themselves to get out of unfavorable situations.

5. Emotionally intelligent people don’t become complacent.

Emotionally intelligent people work hard to achieve their goals, and don’t allow themselves to stay in a slump. They believe in themselves, work through any fears they may have, and stay motivated to reach the finish line, whatever that looks like to them. And they don’t avoid change; they seek ways out of their comfort zone because they know it will facilitate their growth and lead to a better future.

6. They don’t ruminate on their feelings.

Even though emotionally intelligent people stay in tune with their emotions, they don’t keep their focus entirely on their inward world. They know when to shift their attention outward and acknowledge the world around them. Indeed, they know that living inside their heads too much can create problems that were never there to begin with. Thus, they remain aware of their feelings, but they don’t let them overtake their entire life.

7. Emotionally intelligent people can quickly identify the cause of their emotions.

These people are not only adept at recognizing their emotions, but they can also deduce why they feel a certain way. Also, they always dig a little deeper to uncover the source of their emotions. That extra effort’s so that they can fully understand why the feelings have come up. Then, they form the best plan of action to take care of them.

8. They don’t engage in unnecessary conflict.

Emotionally intelligent people know that emotions are energy, and realize that they must pick and choose their battles. They only get into heated discussions when they feel that the other person deserves an explanation, or when they have no other choice but to confront the person. They avoid most conflicts, though, because they like to conserve their energy for more positive interactions.

9. Emotionally intelligent people don’t gossip.

People with high EQs understand how harmful gossip can be, and know that nothing good can come out of it. They seek out more uplifting, deeper conversations with people, and avoid those that only seem to discuss destructive or petty matters. In fact, they simply don’t have the energy for mindless conversation and superficial connections with people.

10. They don’t feel ashamed to say no when they have to.

They realize that people have limits, including them, and they can’t possibly say yes to everyone all the time. So they know their boundaries. Furthermore, they honor themselves by sticking to their guns and only agreeing to activities and tasks that they can reasonably accomplish.

emotionally intelligent partner

11. They don’t give in to peer pressure.

Just because everyone else does something, they don’t feel compelled to follow suit if they don’t want to. They think independently, and never conform just to please other people. They have a headstrong attitude and often go against the grain. And, people with high emotional intelligence rarely agree with what the majority of society does, so they tend to go off on their own and carve their own path.

12. They don’t seek approval from others.

If they want something, they go after it without feeling the need to consult others. They validate themselves, so they don’t require others to do it for them. While they respectfully listen to other people’s opinions, they don’t let other’s views form the basis for their decisions in life. They know that as long as they approve of themselves, they can achieve whatever they desire.

10 Signs You’re Making Life Harder Than It Has To Be

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Most of us have forgotten the true purpose of living, instead of masking it with a complex assortment of work, chores, and duties, and then complaining about how difficult life is. However, you can just as easily create a simple life as you can a complex one; it just takes some time to reflect on what you can change, and actually going through with it.

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius

Do you make your life harder than it has to be? Here are 10 ways to find out:

1. You compare yourself to other people.

“The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.”

Don’t subject yourself to measuring your life against other’s lives; not only will this distract you from improving your own life, but it will likely make you feel bitter and jealous. People take a multitude of paths in life, and no one’s journey will look quite like yours. It doesn’t mean you should feel threatened or inferior based on how other people live; you should instead compare yourself only to the current version of you, and use that as an incentive to become better.

2. You let fear make decisions for you.

As children, we might have feared the Boogieman hiding under our bed after our parents turned out the lights, or maybe the overly nice clown at the county fair. Gradually, we added more fears to the list as we got older. Fear of not earning enough money to survive. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of other’s opinions. Fear of making a big change. And the list goes on.

However, remember that fear is just like the Boogieman; it only exists in our minds. The more you tell yourself that, the more your fears will dissipate, and you can start really enjoying life again.

3. You buy things you don’t really need.

In a comprehensive report written by experts from the American Psychological Association, a survey found that money remains the leading cause of stress for Americans, with 3 in 4 adults feeling stress about money at least some of the time. While money does somewhat determine our standard of living, we shouldn’t abuse its power; we should use it to buy things we actually need, not just want.

Excessive spending largely contributes to the financial stress so abundant in society today, and you can easily nip it in the bud by scaling down what you purchase on a regular basis.

4. You say “I’ll start tomorrow,” but never do.

You want to go on a diet, but you’ll start tomorrow. You want to quit your job, but you’ll wait until you feel more prepared to tell your boss. You want to take a vacation, but you’ll do it later when you have more money saved. You want to start your own website, but you’ll start when you have more time. Does any of this sound familiar?

When you procrastinate, your goals only become more unattainable as time wears on, because your excuses will only pile up higher and higher. Today is as good a day as any to start, otherwise, you will have a long list of regrets about the things you never set out to do.

5. You live your life betting on some future moment instead of being here now.

present-life-quote

This moment is the only one we have, so putting all your stock in future events will only lead to anxiety about the present. You will miss everything going on around you by living in a reality that doesn’t yet exist. Instead, consciously create your future each day, and adopt an attitude of gratitude about your life in the moment. Then, you can enjoy both the present and the future, instead of betting all your happiness on future conditions.

6. You talk down on yourself daily.

Pay attention to your self-talk; it determines everything else about your life. We belittle and berate ourselves so much, and then wonder why our outer world is in shambles. We are usually our toughest critics, so start giving yourself more positive reviews. Remember that you’re only human, and everyone else has flaws and fears just like you.

Rise above your limiting, negative beliefs about yourself, and use these affirmations to help you build positive self-talk.

7. You care a great deal about what others think.

Some people will always love you, while others will never like you. That’s just how life works, but spending all your time trying to convince others to like you or putting all your worth in their perception of you will always lead to disappointment. Validate yourself, and you won’t need others to approve your life any longer.

8. You rush from here to there every day and have very little time to relax.

One of the biggest stressors in life continues to be a constantly hectic schedule. However, remember that you created the life you live today. You can control how much downtime you have, and how much time you spend attending to responsibilities. Nothing else in nature rushes around in a constant frenzy, so why do we?

Slow down, breathe deeply, and just relax. We aren’t here to just get stuff done and then die; we’re here to experience, live, grow and learn.

9. You dwell on negative experiences.

Nothing sets us back more than living in the past. Focusing on all the pain you’ve endured in your life will only bring about even more suffering. Forgive the people who’ve hurt you, leave all the painful memories behind you, and put all your energy on what you can do to better your life right now.

You can’t change yesterday, but you can control your thoughts and actions in the present.

10. You aren’t honest with yourself.

The longer you avoid the things eating away at you, the more powerful they will become until you feel completely overwhelmed. To live a happy life, you have to conquer your demons, let your past wounds come to the surface, and work through the pain rather than around it.

The problems will exist whether you avoid them or not, but listening to your honest feelings, not burying them deep down inside of you, will allow you to confront your darkest emotions and move on with your life.

11 Ways to Save Mother Earth

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The greatest aspirations of humankind have always been to save the world and also save ourselves. As fallible human beings, it’s too easy getting into a mindset in which we think making a difference is impossible – but it’s not. It’s too easy to get discouraged about things going on in the world and to complain that Mother Earth is going downhill.

The truth is, People are going green and saving Mother Earth through many daily preservation practices. However, there are still many people that think it is costly and time-consuming or more of a “tree-hugger” activity. This problem is that we have a tendency to try and take on either too much or too little.

However, there are little things that you can do on a daily basis to make yourself feel better while also making the world a better place.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” -Mahatma Gandhi

Here are 11 Ways You Can Start Saving Mother Earth Right Now:

1 – Say hello to a stranger.

Being so busy and stretched for time, we are all wrapped up in our own little worlds. Once in a while, you are on the receiving end of a friendly person’s warm greeting, and it feels magnificent. Reciprocate that feeling and give someone a warm “Hello!” or “Good morning!” You could just be making someone’s day!

2 – Donate something.

Most of us have stuff laying around the house we no longer use. Look in your closets, on your desk, or in your drawers. Do you have any old clothing or stuff that doesn’t fit? Take it to a Goodwill or Salvation Army. Most places are happy to take your discarded items, and there is probably someone in need that can find a good use for it.

3 – Recycle

going-green

Recycling in today’s world is becoming a pretty easy thing to do. In the US, it’s not hard to locate a trash service that offers glass, plastic, and/or aluminum recycling deposit station. However, there are a large number of people who still continue to discard glass and aluminum items into the normal garbage can.

In reality, it only takes a few seconds to rinse cans and bottles before dropping them into the recycle bin and allowing that precious material to be re-used in an eco-friendly way.

Newspapers, notebooks, mail, and most other paper products are another series of items that place a serious burden on our landfills. The majority of people, although they may not realize it, toss out hundreds of trees per year along with the daily trash.

Search for community groups in your area and you might find a group of earth-friendly folks may even run paper drives. To participate, gather your old newspapers, stack them, and contact them to pick them up at your location. There are also quite a few other uses for your paper products rather than tossing it out with “yesterday’s news”. Restaurant owners can also do their own share of recycling by working with a company that provides grease trap maintenance and grease recycling services.

Did you know that you can clean your windows with old newspapers?

If you’re tired of seeing small white pieces of dust and streaks on your windows after using paper towels, try old newspapers instead – you’ll be more than happy to see the results of your re-use!

4 – Visit Someone Who Needs Company.

Someone at a nursing home, retirement center, or a relative close by would love to see and hear from you. Visit an orphanage or a facility for the disabled, if you’d like. Unfortunately, there are people who feel alone or abandoned by others who could use the company of a friendly person such as you!

5 – Volunteer.

Find a cause that’s near and dear to your heart and spend some time there. There are wonderful sites like www.voluntermatch.org and www.serve.gov that will match you with great causes such as feeding the homeless, caring for pets, reading to children, helping disabled veterans, rebuilding our neighborhoods, and much more.

6 – Pick up trash lying around.

“We owe it to ourselves and to the next generation to conserve the environment so that we can bequeath our children a sustainable world that benefits all.” – Wangari Maathai

This is our earth, our environment, and our responsibility. When you are strolling somewhere, and you see a piece of trash lying on the ground, what do you do? Do you take a few seconds to pick it up and dispose of it properly or just walk by? If you walk by, please pick it up.

We’ve been given this beautiful planet, and we alone are responsible for keeping it beautiful.

7 – Grow a garden to help Mother Earth.

Not only will this give you something fun to do, you will be doing your part for our environment. Think of walking outside and seeing a beautiful array of flowers or plants, knowing that you are responsible for their beauty as it can be. Pretty cool.

8 – Leave the auto out of your mobile

One more thing that could help you to start going green is walking a bit more. Have you ever taken a drive right up the street just to pick up bread?  Try walking or jogging next time, you’ll be surprised at the places you wouldn’t normally see driving; as well as the people you may meet! Most importantly, you’ll be saving the Earth by saving oil rather than burning it.

To save even more on gas, cut your lawn mowing in half. If you do it weekly, do it bi-weekly and so on. A luxe-looking lawn is great to have but skipping an additional week before you mow again shouldn’t have an effect on the health or appearance of it. You can even use a manual push mower; your local hardware store probably still carries this type of lawnmower. Or, you can order one online!

9 – Set a Positive Example.

“The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.” – President Barack Obama

There’s something to be said about a person who sets the example for others. Whether it’s at work, home, school or out and about, there are people who are consistently well mannered and set a positive example in their attitude, speech, work ethic, and in other areas as well. This is not to say that you need to be perfect… but conducting yourself with dignity and class is something that can have a very powerful impact on others.

10 – Commit to self-improvement.

This is easier said than done, but it’s possible. Nobody changes overnight, and you shouldn’t expect to either, but great thing is that by doing any of the above nine steps, you are already committing yourself to the noble goal of self-improvement. The real challenge lies in doing the little things on a consistent basis and by taking advantage of all opportunities to change the world – one little step at a time.

11 – Say “I Love You” More Often

These three small words create one VERY big statement.  When you say I love you to someone, or in the mirror to yourself each morning (highly recommended practice), you are sharing the greatest power in the world.  Love stops wars and starts lives, and according to some, love is all you need!

What small things can you add to the list that could help save the Earth?  We’d love to discuss in the comments!

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