How to Tell If It’s LOVE. . . or Just Lust

How to Tell If It’s LOVE. . . or Just Lust



We all want to fall in love. Some of us already have, while many of us are looking for that one person that will make such a profound impact on our hearts that we will never be the same.

Either way, how do you know if it’s truly love or just lust?

Sometimes our heart and mind get so caught up that it’s hard to tell the difference. In the moment, we feel so amazing that sometimes we just don’t care. But, it’s important to be careful. A broken heart can be devastating. Especially if you allow yourself to fall for the wrong person (in that case check out Karen Salmansohn’s book “Prince Harming Syndrome”). Or, if you develop strong feelings for someone who doesn’t desire the same level of commitment.

Any and all situations can arise, but we specifically want to help you determine if it’s truly special or just lust.


How to Tell If It’s LOVE. . . or Just Lust

First, it’s important to know exactly what both are and what they aren’t.

Real, true, unconditional LOVE is an intense feeling of affection – it’s fondness, warmth, attachment, and endearment in the most intense and powerful way.  True feelings of adoration form a strong emotional attachment. It withstands troubles, problems, imperfections and upset.


Lust is simply a very strong sexual desire. Lust revolves completely around attraction and sex. While lust is needed for love, the opposite is not true. It can feel very powerful and usually, it does. 😉  But, it cannot withstand time. It’s not unconditional and it will fade.

This may contribute to today’s divorce rate. You’ve got to be careful not to allow lust to dominate the relationship when love is truly the driving force for a beautiful, lasting relationship.


To fall for that special person, you must be willing to accept that person at their very best and worst. You get to know them fully and see them for who they truly are. You learn about their past and talk about their aspirations for the future. If together you see yourself as a perfect fit and can truly visualize your life together, you may be falling in love.

When you truly fall, it’s mutual. You are both head over heels for each other. Falling for someone doesn’t mean your life will always be easy. Because, truthfully, it can get tough. But, you can be tough together (trust me you’ll need to be).


You know you’re in love when you. . .

– Fall in LOVE with someone who absolutely adores YOU – who cherishes you fully and embraces your imperfections.

– Fall in LOVE with someone you can’t stop thinking about. 😉

– Fall in LOVE with someone who you love with your whole heart.

– Fall in LOVE with someone that you think is absolutely, all-over-the-place SEXY – mind, body & soul!

– Fall in LOVE with someone who cares about your happiness and listens openly about your feelings.

– Fall in LOVE with someone you admire and who admires you.


– Fall in LOVE with someone that finishes your sentences and compliments who you are.

– Fall in LOVE with someone who makes you feel like you’re the most amazing person in the whole world.

– Fall in LOVE with someone who has strengths in areas that you need improvement. Many of the best relationships are people who are complete opposites.

Inspiration to your Inbox


– Fall in LOVE with someone who you get lost in conversation with (for hours at a time)!

– Fall in LOVE with someone who makes you want to be a better person and can help you do that.

– Fall in LOVE with someone who WANTS to meet your closest friends and family, and then accepts you even after that (haha).


– Fall in LOVE with someone who you hold a deep romantic passion for. In fact, they are the only one you desire!

The TRUTH is when you choose your partner, you aren’t choosing lust or authentic feelings of adoration. You are creating a balance of the two. Both are needed for a successful, long-lasting relationship. Cheers to you and your relationship success! <3

Join the Conversation with Kristen:

So, I’ve been married to my partner for life, Christopher,  for over 15 years now (updated 2019). I’ve learned a lot, but I am always open to learning more. In a comment below, finish the sentence and share your love wisdom. . .

Finish the sentence: “Fall in LOVE with someone . . . “


89 thoughts on “How to Tell If It’s LOVE. . . or Just Lust

  1. Fall in love with someone who will always pursue you… even after years of marriage…. it seems that once some people get what they want or need in a relationship they stop the ” pursuit ” or stop trying

  2. Yes, you are super correct. Also fall in love with some one who would never use your weaknesses against you, it discourages openness and growth. Fall in love with some one who respects the choices you make as long as they are good and never expects you to compromise on things that are not honorable. Fall in love with someone who makes time to be with you. Fall in love with some one who never thinks he or she is doing you a favor loving you.

  3. Very nicely put up Kristen… the first few sentences are almost perfect!!! … i relate to a lot of it (if not all of it) and i can tell that when you are in Love then you can separate Love from Lust (very clearly). But the problem is that when you know that it is love and not lust, it is there in your subconscious mind, the emotions become so strong and hard wired that it is not possible to turn those into a neutral feeling (forget about negative to call it a “Let Go”) towards the person you Love. What you have said as “fall in love with….” it is a very practical “Love Prescription” but my question to you is- When the situation doesn’t work out (for whatever reasons), how do you separate from those feelings? while on the surface one can appear as moving forward and letting it go (because it can’t work out), but how does one separate those emotions from the sub-conscious mind? something which was your happiest experience in life (being with a person and when you thought of a future which never existed) or is it something that only time can heal?… i am keen to know if there is a practical way to clear your sub-conscious (those feelings which smartly hide themselves in your memory banks) and where you can convince yourself that you were even wrong at a gut level about the person you fell in love with?

  4. Fall in love with a man who takes time to be with you.
    A man who act his words and not just saying it
    Fall in love with a man who care what you feel
    Fall in love with with a man who treat you like gems..

    I always tell myself these but I never learn and I always fail… I’m very careful of myself for 25 years and how can I just fall in love loosely.. Very careless..

  5. Fall in love with someone who is kind to others and gives without being asked. My husband and I have been married for over 43 years. We married very young, I was 18 and he was 20. Typical story that was not supposed to last. I was pregnant with our first child when we got married. Three months later we were parents who had no clue! By the time I was 26 child number 4 came and we were done with making babies. Now all of our children are out of the house and on their own. Guess what? We still have that love we had for each other way back when we first met at 15 (me) and 17 (him). It was in there just waiting to come back to the surface after being so busy with 4 children all those years. It is wonderful……I love our empty nest so full of Love!

  6. Fall in love with someone you can’t get enough of ….
    Fall in love with someone you are always hungry for ……
    Fall in love with someone who truly cares about your feelings and your well being.
    Fall in love with someone that listens to you…..
    Fall in love with someone that shares their time with you…..!

  7. Fall in love with the person that when you look into one another eyes, really look, and you see and feel their soul to where you both just know what the other is feeling and thinking….its a great feeling

  8. Fall in love with someone who loves God more than you. Fall in love with someone who makes you realize your worth, who never discounts the fact that your lives have somehow intertwined and are now together as one. Fall in love with someone who can be your worst nightmare and your most beautiful dream all at once. Fall in love with someone who makes reality way better than your dreams…I can go on for hours lol

  9. Not every woman is like that. My boyfriend found me on FB lol through friends of ours.. Every woman and every man is different.. You'll find the special lady 🙂 just like my man found me and now we are going to live together starting this weekend. Chin up! There's a lid for every pot out there, just gotta follow your heart and gut 😉 good luck buddy!!

  10. Fall in love with someone who chooses you over his best friend and stays with you when you got a bad dog bite for over a month at your parents house… Fall in love with someone who helps you and loves you for the woman you are 🙂 I got the most amazing man! His parents dog bit me months back and my honey rather keep me safe and help me then get drunk and play video games with his bestfriend and girlfriend.. IF that's not true love … Then I don't know what else is 🙂
    He stopped being his friend cause his friend didn't like me and my man doesn't care he loves me so much that after 11 years of friendship he leaves his friend for me and now we are moving in together this weekend :):) his ex

  11. Kim Smith true kim: But love is like friendship. We find sometimes times friends are not the right persons. A love partner is even more specific . Spend all our time free , our holidays, our weekends, rest of the life, build life projects , even raise children with same person is something a person can not do with anyone but only with someone unique.Sometimes better that an history end that 2 incompatible people stay together and destroy each other life. and even destroy their kids future

  12. Fall in love with someone who makes you feel like you are the only person in the world and that nothing else exists, time feels like its standing still when you are together. ? I'm ready now…

  13. Alexander Skobeleff you are an idealist .
    . The only love who lost for ever is the family one. Brotherhood, sisterhood , our own nephews.
    This nephews , little kids that we teach to walk, to speak . That we love with an conditional love . Because this love is unique. that make us anxious when somebody attack them in kindergarten . That make us feel pain , when they are hurt.
    And then there is the love for our parents. This people we did not give so much attention , but after understand how important they were , they are in our life's .
    This father that we run to see when he is sick . And that teach us , love is addiction. We can lose our beloved ones , with wars, with stupid accidents . This things that teach us, life is too short .
    Because at the end , family is all that really matters. The world without our family is a empty superficial place.
    But if you speak in romance that is another story:
    But Love romance dont last forever. It the friendship ,the team work , the sharing , the love for doing the same things that last longer. And people stay together even after there is no more passion, because if an family was born out of that love it will make make us breath .
    At one point is not the friends, the work that count , but this people we see at end of day , that we have to protect because they depend on us . Excuse me. Do not mean to criticize you . But the love you speak is the one from Romeo an Juliet . This impossible loves that stay in people memory . But in practical life dont work .
    Anyway you are a writer . So fall in love many times . Because in artists is the pain that make you feel, make you create .
    People should not look for love. It is wrong. Other wise you will never live too obsess with the feeling, rather that real life.

  14. The woman I would protect would be the one I would be in love with, and she would be in love with me, yes… but it's important that our relationship is based on LOVE for each other, UNCONDTIONAL love. To be otherwise is a waste of time. How can it be otherwise?

    Relationships based on mutual benefits and not on love become broken. But when based on love, well, love lasts a lifetime.

    I been through that "mutual benefits", it didn't' work. I was tread like a walking ATM and handyman for her egos, needs, problems, and neglecting MY own needs, and such. I will not repeat that experience ever again. I wasted 7 years of my fucking life on her constant crises.

    So I waited 10 years to find someone who understood this. Clearly NONE does. It's all about being fucking useful to each other. Being of use.

    Nothing about true love.

    So, fine, people can fuck off. I'll be happy on my own, I don't need anyone.

    You see, it was HER who threw me away for some perceived bullshit, not me. I was faithful, honourable, and yet she treats me like shit. Ha ha ha, I laughs when she came back and wants me back. Why the fuck should I? She lost her value in my eyes because she was unfaithful, and untrustworthy.

    I do not trust EASILY.

    And this other girl, who I thought was real, turns out to be another bloody scammer in a long line of scammers. God damn it. I'm tired of scammers. I wish the lot of them gets a new hole in their head then they cannot stay alive! Then we'd all be freed of these miserable scammers.

    All I want, is very simple. A trustworthy woman who can proves herself faithful to MY EYES! Who can say No to scumbag poachers who tries to corrupt MY woman, who can stay LOYAL and FAITHFUL to me. I will not tolerate any unfaithfulness, I walks away! I DO NOT SHARE! I AM POSSESSIVE!

    I don't give a shit about what other people think if this is unrealisable or a fantasy. It is all I care about, I do not give a shit about the sluts and whores out there, they can fuck themselves to death with STDs and shit, I don't care! All I care about is ONE woman who is worthy of MY HEART, nothing else! This woman I will sweep off her feet, make love madly, cherish all my life, and we'll have a happy life, that is what I want, and dreams of. If it's unrealistic, a fantasy, FINE, that's MY problem!

    These are my rules: She is free to do these things, thus it's not my fault if she does this behind my back, it would mean she's not worthy of my heart, and protection! I walk away from such types of these.

    1. She commits infidelity, I walks away.
    2. She lies, no matter how small or innocuous a lie, it's still a lie, then I walks away.

    These (infidelity and lie) breaks relationships.

    My ex did this again and again, I was foolish to think by staying loyal and faithful she would stop. It did not. So next time another woman does this, I walks away. But I have yet to meet one, because I keeps meeting fakes, liars, in other words, SCAMMERS… not real women but miserable criminals pretending to be these fictional women on dating sites, and I gets them so many times, I'm SICK of it.

    NOT once I met a real woman who really wants to be with me, YET. So I'll keep trying, find that one special woman I wants and who wants ME, and we'll be happy! I know life has its ups and downs, but that's part of life. I know this. I don't worry about it. What matters is finding a woman who, deep down, wants a REAL man who is LOYAL, FAITHFUL, and TRUSTWORTHY, and will not betray her with other woman, and she will NEVER betrays her man with other men, or even women, too, for that matter, ever!. Is that not much to ask?

    That's all I want. It's not a fantasy, it's a hope, a dream, to make into reality!

    I don't care if there are no such woman in the world, I will bring her into life, somehow, some way, there IS a woman who is for me, my better half, my soul mate. My true love.

    Who cares if women in this world do not measures up/ They never challenged themselves, they takes the easy way, to whore and slut around, thus they becomes unworthy of themselves and their better halves! It's their own fault, no one to blame but themselves. They SHOULD challenges themselves, and be strong, for a faithful, loyal, loving, woman is worth far more, it's called self-discipline!

    A happy relationship is based on being loyal to each other, faithful to each other, loving each other, warts and all, and knowing each other are NOT BLOODY PERFECT! But they're HUMAN, and they'll grow OLD, WRINKLY and they'll LOVES EACH OTHER 100%! This is true love! This is what I want.

    I don't give a damn about the players, the scammers, the weirdos, the creeps, the liars, the sickos, the sluts, the whores, all kinds of people that do not fit THIS definition that I arrived at after long thought over many years! I KNOW exactly what I want. She WILL be in my life, soon. I do not care WHEN, she exists in my mind, my heart, my soul, she is here in every breath I take! She's alive to me. That's all I cares about. My true love.

  15. All experiences are important Alexander. Because what it matters is that your heart is alive and feels . Nothing wrong with fall in love for wrong people.Anyway for what experts say: Artists, writers , have this emotions because they have more imagination than any others people . But it is the same imagination that makes you write storys . So if i can advice something : Write about it . Many had same situation. But not all have talent to write about it

  16. Fall in Love with someone who puts your feelings at the top of their list and is completely honest with you about everything. The Truth never hurts as much as finding out you have been deceived.

  17. You have fallen in love with someone when he makes you feel moved and excited at the same time, someone who you can talk to about it as well, someone who will enjoy your thoughts, your feelings and your body with the same intensity. You have fallen in love with someone and that someone has fallen in love with you when you cannot get enough of each other, wether is a phone conversation or time spent in bed, when you realize you've been talking for two hours or you've been kissing for ten, yes, ten hours straight! Definitely, you have fallen in love!!

  18. Fall in love with someone who can still make your heart flutter no matter how many years you've been together! My husband still makes my whole body flutter like butterflies, just thinking about him. Still going strong after 15 years together. He is truly my Best friend and someone I simply can't live without.

  19. I agree and I know those things already. My problem is being stuck in a long-term relationship that was luster and now is just wrong. But here I am 20 years and 2 kids later with a man I have absolutely nothing in common with. Room mates have more contact than we do.

  20. You can't determine whom to Love then actually start loving. No. It's no such pre planned move! Love is when u realize you are not yourself lately & gets shocked when reality hits you full force. You have fallen in love. There's no way back for your heart, now. It will NEVER be the same again…. ever.

  21. Heart breaks are devastating. Unfortunately I’ve been there twice. At times even after almost a year it still gets real hard.
    If true love is the most amazing feeling in the world then a heart break is the worst experience you’ll gave in life. So plz people, chose wisely. Right now I’m so immune to pain in life. Like I can still get heart broken ten times over without complaining. Lost my heart to people who never deserved an ounce of it. At times carrying on living seems like dragging a huge rock in a deserted land with No sign of destination. The only thing which ignites life is ‘hope’…that maybe someday things will change. Love is a reason to live. There’s nothing like it.

  22. true love is the honesty and growth… 1st way to connect to each other is your thoughts the opening door for love than comes the lust to bond physically and than comes the spiritual bonding deep connections through your memories….

  23. I was married 36 year it was may first love we had 6 children all grown up and they have a nice business and work. My husband and i separated for a year. If their is something posted about love i decided to post of my opinion. As of now i don't want to have any relationship to any one. I tried to fix all my messy thing to my life. In sharing in my opinion It is a imaginative or a dream of my self if i will in love in my 50's of this life. Dreaming that i found my future true love. It is so ashamed to older like me to dream a person that impossible to be found. Yes it is so ha ha ha to found in a dreams. Thank You and very thank for your post i love it.

  24. Falling in love is not by choice.. n.. it can suck life.. entirely when that emotions ends in imbalance. As one may have fallen in choice that all what you explained.. but again it falls in category of lust… as one picks such connection…. where as love happens.. n… it ruins aura of love when.. it is struggling with lust balance.. not all minds are set to understand heart… mostly every mind is ruled by desires..

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