Weekly tips, affirmations, and small actions to feel your best.

If You Wake Up At The Same Time Every Night, This May Be Why (According to Science)

If you wake up in the middle of the night is no big deal. We all do it from time to time. Is it annoying? Absolutely. We all need a quality 7 to 8 hours of shuteye. But your eyes popping open at midnight, 2 am, 3 am, etc. generally doesn’t indicate anything health-wise.

A few of us, however, seem to wake up at the same time, every night. Coincidence? Perhaps. After all, the brain often has a mind of its own, and counting “ticks and tocks” while setting its strange internal alarm isn’t beyond comprehension.

When we have an established routine, our brains will adapt and remind us of what needs to be done and when. This is a scientifically-proven fact.  It’s when our brain and body is all of a sudden thrown off course that we take notice. This includes an enigmatic sleep/wake cycle.

Chinese medical texts dating back to the 13th century observed circadian rhythms far before Western medicine. The main difference is its premise – that our internal energy (called chi or qi) moves throughout various body points at different times during the 24-hour circadian cycle.

Internal energy disruption at any point during the circadian cycle can manifest into emotional, mental, or physical health problems. This is a potential health issue, as each system within our body must be able to recover and regenerate.

Here, we focus on circadian theories as proposed by Chinese medicine. More specifically, the Traditional Chinese Organ Body Clock. We’ll discuss a few abnormal sleep patterns and the rationale for each.

If You Wake Up At The Same Time Every Night, This May Be Why

wake
“A circadian rhythm is any biological process that displays an (oscillation) of about 24 hours…These 24-hour rhythms are driven by a circadian clock, and they have been widely observed…”
Edgar, R. & al (2012)

1. Problems falling asleep between 9-11 PM

During this two hour window, arteries and blood vessels are highly active. Problems with either arteries or blood vessels can indicate a myriad of health issues. Problems with adrenal glands, metabolic function, immune system, or thyroid could be the underlying cause. Psychologically, elevated stress levels, confusion, or paranoia may also prevent you from falling asleep.

Solutions include meditation, deep breathing, or some other type of relaxation exercise.

2. You Wake between 11 PM and 1 AM

Most people with advanced knowledge of anatomy and physiology (e.g. internists) know that the gallbladder is most active at night; especially during this two-hour window. Between 11 PM and 1 AM, the gallbladder is actively breaking down any fats consumed during the day.

Psychologically, judgmental feelings towards self or others; a sense of resentment; and a lingering inability to forgive someone can trigger wakefulness during this time.

Solutions include a leaner diet, meditation, and the practice of acceptance and forgiveness – of both yourself and others.

3. Waking between 1 AM and 3 AM

Between the hours of 1 and 3 AM, the liver is busy flushing out any harmful toxins (read: Alcohol). Certain medications can also force the liver into overdrive, making it difficult to stay asleep. Nutrition and dietary habits are imperative as well.

Some say that this time correlates with underlying feelings of anger and guilt. When our mind and body experience the sensations that anger and guilt produce, it is very hard to stay asleep.

Solutions include a healthier diet (get rid of excess fats and simple carbs); reducing alcohol consumption, especially before bedtime, and practicing being mindful.

4. You wake between 3 AM and 5 AM

The lungs are busy distributing oxygen to other systems in preparation for the day ahead. Like the liver, the lungs also work to expel accumulated toxins. Individuals with lung problems are susceptible to coughing and wheezing during this window.

Feelings that may be involved include melancholy and grief. Depressive symptoms can also be triggered during this period.

Solutions include a healthier diet (consuming foods that promote lung health); quitting smoking, and finding a healthy outlet for any underlying feelings of grief, sadness or depression.

sleep deprivation study5. Waking between 5 and 7 AM

Between the hours of 5 and 7 in the morning, our intestines are in cleaning mode. Ever wonder why you head to the toilet first thing upon waking up? Well, there you go. Okay, and the fact that you haven’t “gone” in 8 hours – but, anyways…

It is during this window of time that our minds transition to “work mode.”  Feelings about one’s lack of progress or anxiety about the upcoming workday can trigger wakeful impulses.

Ensure you drink plenty of water, as this helps with intestinal cleansing. Make sure your nutritional priorities are in order, as well. As for the negative thoughts, practicing moment-to-moment mindfulness and gratefulness will help ease some of these worries.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

25 Ways to Find Happiness (Without Chasing It)

Everyone tells us to just “be happy,” but how can we attain happiness without faking it? We can’t always feel happy, as humans have complex, varying degrees of emotions. However, we can aim to feel happy more often, can’t we? Of course, anything less than that would prove detrimental to our mental, physical, and emotional heath.

Here are 25 ways to find happiness (without chasing it):

1. Be thankful

Pennsylvania University psychologist Dr. Martin E P Seligman experimented on 411 people by making them write about early memories every week, testing on positive psychological interventions. When the weekly assignment was to write and deliver by hand a letter of gratitude to someone who was not properly thanked for their kindness, subjects developed an immediate, immense increase in happiness, with the impact more significant than any other intervention. The effects lasted for a month. You must exude an attitude of gratitude, dude.

2. Look within

As the title suggests, you are not able to chase happiness. You have to look from within. As Buddha wisely said: “There is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path.” Walk on, Mr./Mrs./Ms. Walker.

3. Be the light for others

You make other people happy this way, you make yourself happy also. You can do this in any way possible, from saying thank you to the barista at the coffee shop to volunteering at the local care home for the elderly. Be the one at the end of someone’s tunnel.

4. Stay active

When your mind and body stay still, they go stale. It is a well-known fact that muscles start to atrophy and wilt away when the body is still for too long. Go for a walk, do a crossword puzzle, work out at the gym, read a book (or e-book for those with a Kindle), go on holiday, and explore what other parts of the world offer. Alexander the Great’s teacher and philosopher stated, “Happiness is a state of activity.”

5. Let go of the past

Holding onto past pains only prolongs it. It has gone, and you can do nothing about it, except learn from it. It is now hi-STORY, a true story that involved you. But no longer. If you still feel the hurt from the past, see a licensed professional who will be able to help you.

6. Bury the hatchet

If you have done something wrong, it is advantageous to you to make amends. Saying sorry for your misgivings relieves you of bad tension towards that something you did, healing you and the other person in question.

7. Enjoy nature

Many people enjoy sun, sea, and sand on the beach while on holiday. What a beautiful way to get in tune to nature. Think how kids enjoy building sandcastles or how surfers enjoy the waves on a sunny day. Of course, you might be a countryside person who loves farms or a river person who loves white water rafting. Enjoy staring at the stars, appreciating the beauty of the moon, loving the magic of sunrises and sunsets, and playing in the sand and soil. Animals count as nature, too.

8. Self-defense

Dee Hunter was the victim of bullying throughout school, including having “a knife pulled on me. I also had petrol poured on me and someone tried to light my hair.” Now thirty-two, she has her own martial arts business in Gosforth, Newcastle-upon-Tyne, England, with Darren’s elder brother. By doing this, she has been nominated to win the “Unsung Sporting Champion” award in local newspaper’s Evening Chronicle Champion Awards. Feeling safe in this world is a basic right for anyone. How can anyone be happy if they are constantly living in fear?

9. Enjoy time with real friends

These are the people who make life worth living. Take a look at your Facebook page and see how many of your “friends” are actually your friends. If you have no friends, get out into the world and make some. When you have friends, make sure they are people you can depend on. They will tease you, defend you, make you laugh, spend time with you, and enjoy life with you.

10. Always be willing to learn

A mind is like a book, it is only valid when open. How do you think the most successful people are successful? They always learn something new and apply that something to their lives that make them how they are. Educational entrepreneur Robert Kiyosaki said, “Winners are not afraid of losing. But losers are. Failure is part of the process of success. Those who avoid failure also avoid success.”

11. Eat and drink healthily

Organic, natural foodstuffs make your body function at optimal level. Without wanting to go into the carnivore/vegetarian/vegan debate, if your body absorbs too much processed or otherwise unnatural foodstuffs, your body will give you warning signs of any impending dangers. Likewise for excess or lack.

12. Be your most important project

At age twenty-five when he met his mentor, Earl Shoaff, Jim Rohn was a hard worker from Idaho who was in debt. At the end of his life, he was keynote speaker for Herbalife. As he came to excel in public speaking, he came up with some great quotes, such as:

– “Days are expensive. When you spend a day you have one less day to spend. So make sure you spend each day wisely.”

– “Don’t join an easy crowd; you won’t grow. Go where the expectations and demands to perform are high.”

– “Work harder on yourself than you do on your job. If you work hard on your job you can make a living. If you work hard on yourself, you can make a fortune.”

– “Work on your philosophy, work on your attitude, work on your personality, work on your language, work on the gift of communication, work on all of your abilities and if you’ll start making those personal changes, I’m telling you, everything will change for you.”

13. Go with the flow

According to Edward Phillips M.D. of the Harvard Health Publications, flow is when:

– You lose awareness of time.

– You do not think about yourself.

– You’re not interrupted by extraneous (unrelated) thoughts.

– You’re active.

– You work effortlessly.

– You would like to repeat the process.

He states that “the good news about flow and happiness is that you can increase the amount of flow experience in your life and reap the benefits,” though he does also mention that it is innate for some people, while others need to work on it.

14. Know that pain does not last forever

Bad things are bound to happen from time to time but they pass. They may pass quickly or gradually. The secret is to carry on regardless. It may be an unsuccessful job interview or that you fell over grazing your knee. All these pass for you to accept something better in life, so get ready with your arms wide open.

15. Get out of your comfort zone

Good things feel uncomfortable to do at first until you get the hang of it. Get acquainted with feeling uncomfortable and take risks in life. When people do not take initiative in life, they have become static. Get that adrenaline rush going – ask that cute person out; conquer your greatest fears; learn a new skill; live life to the maximum.

16. Smile

Why so glum, chum? Most of the time, there is no need to look like a bulldog chewing a wasp. A smile can bring the feelgood factor into your life, and even be the start of something beautiful, like a new romantic relationship. Smiling is the gateway drug of being happy, so take it in as many doses as humanly possible.

17. Accept differing opinions

You might not agree with what the other person is saying but it does not make them a bad person for it, unless they force their beliefs onto you or insult yours. There is not enough of this in the world. Furthermore, when can you agree with everyone all the time anyway?

18. Meditation

Meditation does these five things:

– It gives you a great start to the day.

– Increased positivity.

– More self-confidence.

– Reduction of anxiety.

– Affords you a deeper connection within yourself.

Remember, there is but one letter between “meditation” and “medication”.

19. Honesty

It is indeed the best policy. Lies only serve to distort or cover up the truth. According to Silvia Mordini of Mind Body Green, “In yogic terms Truth, known as Satya, can be defined on three levels: 1) that we speak the truth in what we think; 2) what we feel and 3) what we do.” She states that truth influences happiness by these means:

– Truth is peaceful and grounding.

– The truth reveals freedom, with nothing to hide.

– Truth transforms, revealing your best intentions and shift towards making changes to live an inspired life.

– Truth awakens us to have courage to be honest and forthcoming.

– The truth makes it easier to live life being yourself, not faking being someone else.

20. Always look to inspire

Go all in-spiring! Always try to have that sparkle about you. You never know what idea or situation could arise from a touch of magic inspiration. It could be from something as simple as giving a cup of coffee to someone.

Related article: Researchers Reveal the Singlemost Important Thing You Need to Be Happy

21. Always be open to inspiration

On the opposite side of the spectrum to the last point, have your eyes peeled for some juicy inspirational goodness. Listen intently to what the Universe is telling you and act accordingly.

22. Reward yourself

Even for the little stuff like doing the washing up or picking up the leaves in the garden in Autumn. Who is the most important person in your life? Yourself, of course. This is an absolute must for your happiness to balance out pleasure and pain, but do not go over the top with it. No shopping sprees for women who filed their nails!

23. Value your time

Let your time be spent doing meaningful things and do not let someone else rob you of it. As stated above, you are unable to get back time. It is always best to use it as wisely as possible.

24. Do things you are passionate about

There is no point in doing things you do not like doing. If you want to be a graphic designer, why are you flipping burgers at McDonald’s? If you want to be a comedian, why are you a number-crunching accountant, like Jim Carrey’s father? Or if you want to skydive, what are you waiting for? If you want to play in the park with your son, what is stopping you? Stop making excuses and make it happen!

25. *MOST IMPORTANTLY* Be you

Be your authentic self always. There is no point being someone else, as you do you so well.

References:
Other A N., “In Praise of Gratitude”, Harvard Health Publications, Dickinson K., “How a Newcastle woman who beat the bullies is helping other young people do the same”
Evening Chronicle, Jimenez J., “10 Unforgettable Quotes by Jim Rohn”
Success Magazine, Meurisse T., “9 Jim Rohn Quotes That Will Inspire You To Work Harder on Yourself”
Pick The Brain, Phillips E., “Go with the flow: engagement and concentration are key”
Harvard Health Publications, Hull N., “5 Ways Meditation Can Improve Your Life and Make You Happier”
Tiny Buddha, Mordini S., “5 Ways Honesty Can Make You Happy”

5 Reasons Why Libras Are Considered The Most Committed Partner In The Zodiac

Libras, born from September 23 – October 22, represent balance and peace. Libras love helping people and are considered great humanitarians. They want justice and peace in life, and care deeply about their close friends and family. They don’t like conflict, and do whatever they can to avoid it. Libras are very gentle, kind, caring people, and will bend over backwards to make sure everyone in their life stays happy.

However, people often take advantage of them due to their inability to say “no” at times – they can easily become caught up in people pleasing behaviors. They put other people first, and this can serve as a recipe for getting hurt depending on the person’s intentions.

Libras have a very warm, laid-back, charming nature which helps them make friends quite easily. They are approachable, funny, loving people. They don’t have many friends, but they hold the ones they do have dear to their hearts.

As far as romance goes, Libras make wonderful partners. In fact, some consider Libras to be the best partner in a long-term relationship, and it’s easy to see why once you get to know them. If you’ve been considering a relationship with a Libra, read on to find out why pursuing them might just be the best decision you’ve ever made.

Why Libras Are Considered The Most Committed Partner In The Zodiac

zodiac sign

1. Libras are intensely loyal.

Libras don’t want anything superficial; they want the real deal. When you get into a relationship with a Libra, make sure you have the intention to stay committed to them, because they don’t even waste their time with anything less. Libras will stand by your side no matter what, and will not betray you for any reason. They don’t let their eyes wander to other potential mates or allow themselves to become emotionally involved with someone else. They want you, and only you.

2. They love making people happy.

Libras have a very selfless nature and enjoy putting a smile on people’s faces. If they can help out even one person, they will do it, no questions asked. They go above and beyond for their partner, and always put them first. If you want a homemade dinner, they will go shopping for all the ingredients and whip up something special just for you. They have huge hearts and find fulfillment in keeping you happy, taken care of, and loved.

3. Libras are extremely loving.

If you want a lover who will give you nonstop affection, take you on a surprise trip to a nearby town, and brag about you to friends and family, look no further than a Libra. Libras don’t hold back their love, and wouldn’t want to anyway. They only know understand unconditional, full-throttle, deep love. You get the full package with a Libra, and all they want in return is a loving, supportive, kind partner.

Libras actually prefer being in relationships, and when they find a partner, they give 110% to the person. Libras simply love to love, and will always be there to lift you up when you feel down.

4. They are hopeless romantics.

Don’t expect just dinner and a movie with a Libra – that’s much too generic and boring for them. They will pull out all the stops for their partner, and take you on a date that feels more personal to you. They listen to everything you say and pay attention to the things you truly enjoy.

For example, if you tell them that you love horseback riding, they will find a way to make it happen. They will surprise you with a three-course homemade meal when you get home from a long day of work, just because they want to see you smile. They’ll play you a song, write you a poem, take a walk with you on the beach at night, listen to your hopes and dreams, and will never get tired of making you happy.

libra

Learn 7 things that you’ll understand if you are a Libra.

5. Libras don’t like conflict.

Another positive trait about Libras is their ability to see both sides of a story, and not jump to conclusions too quickly. They believe in justice and peace, and will avoid conflict if at all possible. Libras will talk things out with you in a calm, respectful manner, and if you start yelling or getting angry, they’ll walk away until you calm down. They don’t like to stir the pot, and are pretty even-keeled individuals. If you want a laid-back partner who will never raise their voice at you and will always take the time to hear you out, then you will love having a Libra guy or gal in your life.

5 Behaviors That Create Insensitive People

When we look at the world as a whole, most of us will concede that kindness and acceptance are more commonly practiced than cruelty and meanness. This outlook is often strongly challenged by our inevitable run-ins with the latter group. Some people are unapologetically insensitive to their fellow human beings. Such individuals lack the empathy and tactfulness that so many of us come to expect. In short, we – at the very least – anticipate common courtesy and basic decency from those we come in contact with.

Although a minority, those who do not heed these standard social practices pose a risk of spreading their pessimistic ways to otherwise good people.

The purpose of this article is not to delve into complex sociological topics. Instead, we wish to provide insight into what makes insensitive people think and act in such a manner.

You’ll surely notice that these five behaviors are pretty commonsensical. Despite this, we’ll often forget what goes on “in the background” of another person’s mind, particularly those who go against the generally accepted social contract of decency and common courtesy.

Here are 5 “in the background” behaviors, attitudes, and circumstances that create insensitive people:

“Just as the performance of the vilest and most wicked deeds requires spirit and talent, so even the greatest demand a certain insensitivity which under other circumstances we would call stupidity.” Georg C. Lichtenberg, German scientist, philosopher and satirist

insensitive people

1. Brain Chemistry

Brain chemistry is the first topic of discussion – and for a good reason. This is almost assuredly the primary driver of callous behavior.

As we are all well aware, our brains are different in some cases, such as those who possess narcissistic tendencies. This fact cannot be overlooked.

Insensitive people have very different brain chemistry than most. Specific mechanisms within their brain do not permit the conveying of altruism or sensitivity. Most of the time, insensitive people aren’t aware that their behaviors are perceived as such. Even if someone pulls them aside and attempts to explain their behavior as unacceptable or off-putting, the insensitive person will display a sense of bewilderment. Hence, they’ll probably carry on as usual.

2. Different Thought Patterns

Related to the previous topic, in some ways, thought processes are another main reason insensitive people act the way they do. The main difference is that thought patterns are often a byproduct of environmental factors, while brain chemistry is something that is (often) autonomic.

Take, for example, the corporate world – a fiercely-competitive arena that may manifest into aggressive thought patterns. After a while, these patterns – you guess it – alter one’s brain chemistry.

Likewise, strongly-held personal beliefs and convictions (e.g., religious views, political stances) may cause someone to act or say things perceived as aggressive and insensitive.

3. Insensitive People Are Often Angry

Angry emotions feed irrational thoughts, words and behaviors. When we’re mad, our higher-level executive functions are heavily suppressed. This impact on the brain makes it much more challenging to retain a sense of self-control. Of course, when self-control is absent, the likelihood of doing or saying something insensitive multiplies.

Anger lowers our inhibitions and makes us forget the consequences of our actions. Unfortunately, this includes the pain inflicted on the receiving end of our insensitivities. We can hurt someone deeply – and, many times. They do not deserve such treatment.

4. Lack of Self Esteem

Lack of self-esteem as it relates to insensitivity is relatively simple to understand.

Many (most?) people with self-esteem issues can still constructively interact with others by keeping their concerns in check. However, a small number of individuals will degrade others to “make themselves feel better.” The problem with this is two-fold: (1) it’s a very, very short-term “solution” to a much deeper issue, and (2) pain is inflicted onto someone who, in many instances, did nothing wrong.

5. Stress Causes Insensitive People

How effectively someone deals with stressful situations, whatever they may be, is easily seen by how they interact with others afterward. Do they bark something nasty to someone else? Do they carry on and get things done anyway? Insensitive people fall into the former group.

Saying that we all deal with stress differently is a vast understatement. Some people cannot constructively handle specific stressful triggers. Furthermore, those inept at coping with stress will spread their negative state of mind to others around them.

Simply put, stress is a distraction, and insensitive people are almost incapable of handling the effects of stress without hurting someone in the process.

10 Ways to Be More Sensitive to Others

Studies show that social relationships help reduce stress and lower your chances of heart problems. Part of building solid relationships is learning how to relate to other people. One crucial social skill everyone should know is how to be more sensitive to others. Here are some suggestions to be more sensitive to those around you.

1. Be a better listener

One way to be more sensitive to others is to be a better listener. It’s easy to get distracted when someone talks to you. Giving the person your complete attention shows them you care about them. Other things you can do to become a better listener include

  • Don’t look at your phone
  • Don’t interrupt them
  • Make eye contact with the person speaking
  • When they finish speaking, ask questions to clarify
  • Reword what you think you heard

2. Show interest

When someone tells you they’re having a hard time, be sure to show concern. Ask them if there’s anything you can do to help. Showing concern for others, especially when in trouble, shows sensitivity and care.

3. Apologize when it’s necessary

Sensitive people discern when they’ve hurt someone. They’re willing to make amends by apologizing for hurting the person’s feelings. You may say something like

  • “I need to apologize for teasing you about your hair. I was trying to be funny, but I realized it wasn’t kind. Please forgive me.”
  • “I’m sorry for being late today. I know it caused you some inconvenience.”

4. Show empathy

Empathy means you emotionally identify with them and are sensitive about what they’re going through. You may or may not have experienced what they are experiencing, but you can attempt to see the world through their eyes.

5. Be willing to learn from others

When you’re eager to learn from others, it reveals your humility. You have a healthy view of yourself. A willingness to learn from others means you’re sensitive to what others can teach you. You’re willing to learn from your kids, your spouse, or a co-worker. Insensitive people feel superior to others and miss out on learning from them.

6. Offer support

Another way to be more sensitive to others is to support them. You look for ways to help or encourage them, especially if they’re going through a difficult time. You say things like, “I’m so sorry for your loss. Let me know how I can help you.” or “Congratulations on the job promotion!” Insensitive people have a hard time thinking about anyone besides themselves. They justify their lack of support by pointing to their needs as more important.

7. You remember people’s name

You show sensitivity towards others when you do something as simple as remembering their name. Next time you meet someone, focus on learning their name.

8. Use gracious words

Have you ever talked with someone who attacked you with their language and then said something like, “I’m just being honest?” They weren’t being honest. They were rude and insensitive. Sensitive people can tell you the most difficult things in a way that doesn’t destroy or hurt you.

9. Show that you care for others

A sensitive person shows care for others by their words and actions. They’re not absorbed in their thoughts and life. Insensitive people are blinded to the needs of others. They are incapable of seeing others’ needs.

10. Value the opinions of other people

Being sensitive to others means you value their ideas and opinions. Insensitive people are interested in their beliefs. They feel threatened by others’ thoughts because fearing they won’t get what they want.

insensitive people

Final Thoughts on Being Aware of the Behaviors That Cause Insensitive People

The bottom line is we all share the planet. Being sensitive to others with kindness and concern is one simple way you can make the world an inviting place to live.

Source: Charité – Universitätsmedizin Berlin. Altered brain structure in pathological narcissism. (2013, June 19). Retrieved January 30, 2017, from https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/06/130619101434.htm
(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

5 Signs A ‘Nice’ Person Secretly Has Cruel Intentions

Not every person you meet has good intentions. That’s a fact that many people find out only too late. It’s a common problem within humankind. Everyone from the rich and famous to regular folks face this within their lifetime.

“Sweetie, if you’re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty.” – Marilyn Monroe

The late Marilyn Monroe was a beautiful, gifted actress and model; as it turns out, she was quite insightful about the personal manipulation she almost assuredly experienced during her ever-present, adored existence. Ms. Monroe possessed the beauty, allure, and, yes, fortune, that screamed: “Take advantage of me!” But, despite her infamous reputation for playing “dumb blonde” characters, she was an astute judge of character. In fact, she was downright intolerant of those that vainly attempted such. Reportedly, she quickly disbanded those with ulterior motives.

Oh, and the “dumb blonde” reportedly had an IQ of over 160. We digress, however. This article is not about Marilyn Monroe. None of us are Marilyn Monroe, and 99.999 percent of us will never come close to achieving the fame and fortune of this intelligent and beautiful woman.

However, we share one thing in common: we’re all potential victims in the eyes of manipulators.

They’ll smile and speak innocently while deliberately attempting to deceive and control our very minds. Unfortunately, these manipulators all too often get their way.

So, what is the solution? It’s complicated, yet simple: we must remain keenly aware of those around us while never hesitating to take the appropriate action.

We’ll discuss 5 signs of an all-too-common type of manipulator: a “nice person” with diabolical intentions.

Here’s the 5 signs a nice person secretly has negative intentions:

people

1. Conversations are always one-sided if someone has cruel intentions.

No surprise here. Nice people with cruel intentions are programmed to dominate discussions. While some may lack active listening skills, ordinary people will at least attempt to engage in a dialogue. Manipulators of this type are not to be considered ordinary people as it pertains to human conversation.

Here’s the caveat. If the manipulator senses a failure in their conversational tactics, they’ll devise another method to achieve their aims. In some cases, such tactical diversion is a sudden, inexplicable interest in your life and “what’s going on” with you.

Make no mistake, such enigmatic behavior has an explanation: they’re selfish and manipulative. Manipulators are so self-focused that the dialectical spotlight will eventually shine back onto them.

2. A person with cruel intentions may keep repeatedly making demands

Another talent manipulators of this type possess is the ability to wear you down. As an individualistic person of the highest degree, they’ll constantly reiterate – often subtly–the action they wish you to take.

They’ll make demands incessantly. Why? Because their reassuring ego convinces them that their “superior” methods, however ill-conceived, will prevail over their target’s sense of self-control. Don’t allow this to happen. Challenge their words while adamantly refusing to participate in their game.

You’ll win this battle every time, but only if you’re strong enough.

3. Using persuasion as a game

The third on this list relates to the second, as dialogical maneuvers are a favorite tool of manipulators. Similarly, manipulators of this variety have a penchant for persuasion, and whether or not such diversions are effective is irrelevant. They think they are, and that’s all you need to know about such motives.

Persuasion and pressure can be potent weapons, especially when the victim lacks aptitude in discernment. Also, people who have trouble saying “no” can fall victim (sometimes knowingly) to such persuasion.

Use your best judgment, and – regardless of how difficult it may be – muster the fortitude to say no.

4. Abnormal eye contact and body language

Leveraging our interpretation of sustained eye contact can be a weapon for manipulators. To many of us, a steady and confident look indicates trustworthiness. Falsely “nice” people understand this psychological effect – and, of course, use it to their advantage.

Then, there’s the opposite side of the spectrum. Forced (i.e. “long and uncomfortable”) eye contact from the manipulator often indicates a concealed purpose; more specifically, to make someone else do what they want. Pay attention to such patterns.

Should they coincide with other eccentricities, this person – at the very least – requires a sense of caution from our end. Again, judgment and logic must dictate our next course of action.

cruel intentions

5. Feeling “bad” after talking with them

Sometimes it’s necessary to either trust or question your “gut instincts.” This is a logical function of the human brain – to question things. When dealing with a “nice person” that’s anything but, this is certainly an appropriate response.

It bears repeating that manipulative people emit a sense of confusion and mystique to people whom they encounter. As mentioned above, communication is a powerful weapon of manipulators. Their innate ability to disrupt normal thought patterns is one reason why so many have fallen for their gimmicks.

This is when it pays dividends to trust your innate sense regarding the individual’s character. Confusion, anger, frustration, and misunderstanding are among the negative thoughts and feelings you may experience after conversing with such a person.

Here’s the bottom line. One of two facts remains: (1) the other’s personality doesn’t resonate with your own, or (2) the other person possesses manipulative notions.

Either way, they’re not to be considered an ally. Staying friends with this toxic person will become self-destructive in the long run.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

How To Train Your Brain To Stop Worrying

Worrying is an unnecessary evil when it comes to your mental health. Some consider it simply a bad habit that can be unlearned with practice. Some think worrying serves a purpose for the brain, such as helping us to learn from past experiences and prepare for new ones. Whether good or bad, the anxiety that results from worry occupies our brains as we focus on a future we can’t control.

Some say that depression is a focus on past events you wish you could change. They also caution how worrying is focusing on future events you have no control over. Notably, instead of worrying, you can choose to take action by preparing for whatever it is that has you worried. In this article, we will look at active ways you can train your brain to stop worrying.

How To Train Your Brain To Stop Worrying

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1. Stop your brain from worrying by writing it down.

This technique might be the most valuable when you are training your brain to stop worrying. If your brain keeps you up at night by thinking about something, put it down on paper. (Electronic formats also work.) This action lets your brain breathe a mental sigh of relief by no longer spending energy trying to remember these details. If you’re worrying about what to serve for a gathering of friends, write down “What to serve?”

Writing it down also is a way for you to put your brain on notice. In other words, you tell your brain, “This is important enough to write down.” Your brain has now been alerted to put resources toward solving this problem rather than being worried.

Why write it down? Researchers now have evidence that chronic worriers may be chronic problem-avoiders, too. Scientists in the journal Anxiety, Stress & Coping allowed worriers to write down three possible outcomes for problematic situations. Then, they analyzed their answers for practical solutions.

The scientists say, “When participants’ problem elaborations were rated for concreteness, both studies showed an inverse relationship between degree of worry and concreteness. The more participants worried about a given topic, the less concrete was the content of their elaboration. The results challenge the view that worry may promote better problem analyses. Instead, they conform to the view that worry is a cognitive avoidance response.”

2. Meditate for a worry-free brain.

Meditation can help train your brain to stop worrying. Researchers in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine studied the effects of meditation and found that meditation is perfect for reducing cognitive anxiety. Although some people believe they do not have time to meditate, meditation is as easy as closing your eyes for thirty seconds or longer. The act of tuning out other sources of stress actively trains your brain to stop worrying.

When you consciously take a few moments to avoid any non-natural noise in your life, you center around what is most important to you. Worrisome thoughts may come to you while you meditate, yet this is normal. Those who have mastered the art of brain-training recommend observing worrisome thoughts as they enter the mind and simply watching them pass like clouds on a breezy day.

3. Exercise to train your body and brain to stop worrying.

Worry is how your brain learns to survive by deciding whether or not to activate the fight-or-flight system. If a cougar jumps out at you, you instantly feel a rush of adrenaline. This fear response is the same thing happening to your body when you worry, just at a much lower level over a more extended period.

The same study in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine found that exercise, on the other hand, is good for you, especially when your body feels anxiety symptoms. If your body feels fewer physical symptoms of stress, your mind will interpret that there must be less to fret about because the body is not in a state of heightened arousal.

Exercise gives the body a secondary reason for the rapid heart rate and perspiration that we may feel when we worry. Exercise can help lower blood pressure, which is another physical symptom of stress in the body. If you identify that you are worrying, go for a five to ten minute walk – get outside if possible. Appreciate the sights and sounds of nature while focusing on the motion of your limbs and the breaths you take.

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4. Practice mindfulness to stay present and reduce worry

Mindfulness is a powerful technique for staying present and reducing worry. It involves paying full attention to the present moment, with acceptance and without judgment. By practicing mindfulness, you can train your brain to focus on the current situation rather than dwelling on past regrets or future anxieties.

As explained by the University of Massachusetts Memorial Medical Center, mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) significantly decreases worry and associated symptoms. To practice mindfulness, start by taking a few minutes each day to focus on your breath, observe your thoughts and feelings, and engage fully with your surroundings. This practice can help you develop a more balanced perspective and reduce your worries.

5. Establish a regular sleep schedule to enhance mental well-being

Maintaining a consistent sleep schedule is essential for mental health and can significantly reduce worry and stress. Adequate and quality sleep allows the brain to process emotions, consolidate memories, and enhance decision-making skills. When we are well-rested, we are better equipped to handle challenges and manage stressors effectively.

To establish a regular sleep schedule, aim to go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends. Create a relaxing bedtime routine to signal to your body that it’s time to wind down. Avoid stimulants such as caffeine and nicotine close to bedtime, and limit exposure to screens, as the blue light emitted can interfere with melatonin production and disrupt sleep.

By prioritizing sleep and ensuring you get the recommended 7-9 hours per night, you can improve your mood, cognitive function, and overall resilience, making it easier to manage worry and maintain a positive outlook.

6. Seek professional help when needed

Sometimes, worries can become overwhelming and interfere with daily life. In such cases, seeking professional help can be beneficial. Therapists and counselors are trained to help individuals develop coping strategies, address underlying issues contributing to worry, and improve mental well-being.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is particularly effective in treating chronic worry and generalized anxiety disorder. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional if you find your worries are persistent and affecting your quality of life.

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Final Thoughts on Training Yourself to Stop Worrying

Training your brain to stop worrying is a valuable skill that can significantly improve your quality of life. You can develop a more balanced and resilient mindset by incorporating techniques such as mindfulness, gratitude, and seeking professional help when needed. Remember, it’s normal to worry from time to time, but with practice and persistence, you can reduce the impact of worry on your well-being.

So, addressing worry is not about eliminating it altogether. Instead, it is all about learning how to manage it effectively. Consistent practice of the abovementioned techniques can help you build mental resilience, foster a positive outlook, and navigate life’s challenges with greater ease. Remember that everyone’s journey is unique, so be patient with yourself and stay committed to your mental health journey.

25 Secret Signs He’s Confessing His Love For You

Are you wondering if your new partner is falling in love with you?

“Well, it seems to me that the best relationships – the ones that last – are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship…one day you look at a person and you see something more…Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is…suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.” Gillian Anderson

In the above quote, Ms. Anderson is right on the money – at least when friends become lovers.

Her insight in this regard, however, can extend to the many ways in which people’s feelings transform from something else into love for another; whether such transformation takes place during friendship or dating, the premise is the same: we will ultimately “confess” our love.

In most cases, but not all, the woman is more upfront about her feelings, whatever they may be. As for men, well, the picture is often a bit more opaque.

Some guys are comfortable expressing affection, but most men have a hard time expressing romantic feelings – at least  verbally (e.g. “I love you,” “You’re beautiful”). It’s much easier to decipher the man’s behavior. We call these “love signs,” or “secret signs.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: If you’d life to find an article about the behaviors when a female confesses love, here’s a companion article to read.

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Here are 25 such signs that a man is confessing his love for you:

1. In a social setting, the man will most often give you more attention than anyone else in the room.

2. He restrains from acting annoyed, even if something you do is a pet peeve or “pushes his buttons.”

3. He remembers meaningful days, such as your birthday or other dates of importance.

4. He doesn’t hesitate to make you his number one priority, even if it means going out of his way.

5. He defends you if someone attempts to bad talk or harm you in any imaginable way.

6. He always wants to spend time with you and loves every second of it. He’ll seemingly always go out of his way to do so, if necessary.

7. He always talks and opens up to you about nearly everything in his life – from his friends to his work.

8. He can’t stay mad at you for very long. He’ll often make the effort to apologize or accept your apology.

9. He tries hard to “fit in” with your friends and family members. He cares a lot about what they have to say.

10. He’ll sacrifice his happiness, comfort, and so on, if it means that you are better off.

11. He’ll text or call you before heading to bed. Often, you’re the person he speaks with last.

12. He is always respectful regardless of the situation. He won’t doe-eye other girls in your presence, or cut you off while you’re speaking.

13. He keeps you informed about his life and what’s going on; even if it’s a small matter.

14. He won’t be afraid to swallow his pride and apologize to you in the event he does something hurtful.

15. He’ll help whenever he’s asked, from the smallest favor to something that demands his full attention and effort.

16. He eagerly wants to know about your life, from your childhood to work – and everything in between.

17. He’s protective of you in many ways. For example, does he request a call or text to know you got home safely? Does he “guide” you across the street or while walking?

18. He’ll include the word “we” instead of “Me” or “I” when discussing something that includes you. He often does this by choice, as he wants to include you in many things as possible.

19. He’ll hold you or stand close when you’re in the presence of other men. It’s his way of “claiming” you, and subtly suggesting that other men should be aware of this.

20. He cherishes your opinions, even if they may starkly differ from his own. He’ll want to know what you think when making choices that involve you both.

21. He holds your hand or touches your back when walking in public. This is a subtle display of his protective and reassuring nature.

22. He has big dreams and always seems to include you. Maybe he mentions moving in together, buying a home, or having a child.

23. He quickly accommodates your needs, from the most minor thing – like needing a few more minutes to get ready, to the bigger things – such as taking time off work to care for you when sick.

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24. He’s courteous and gentlemanly in everything he does with you.

25. He remembers your conversations, especially the things that you’ve said, even it took place a long time ago.

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Two Words To Never Say To Someone When They’re Stressed Out

How easy is it to get tongue-tied when suddenly approached by someone who is completely stressed out? When we’re in this frame of mind (and we all have been!), we’ll often spout some pretty aggressive language, or perhaps display our escalated frustrations by forgetting all etiquette relating to body language.

Indeed, it can be very difficult to know what to do and say in these cases. After all, there is no ‘framework’ for how to deal with stressed out people…and God forbid we say or do the wrong thing and become a newly-acquired target for their stressed-out antics!

When approached by someone in a stressed out frame of mind, it is as important (if not more) to know what not to say. Again, this can be a difficult predicament since all we want to do is help and make them feel better. Logically, we’d think that speaking some “pearls of wisdom” would make a person feel better.

Which brings us to the topic of this article: what not to say to someone that is about to blow a gasket. We’ll discuss a few techniques for listening and conversing with such a person. We’ll also discuss the TWO words never (ever!) to say to someone when they’re stressed out.

The thing to remember when you feel stressed…

The people most likely to approach you all stressed out are your friends. Not many of us desire to voice our stressors to some acquaintance or co-worker. With this in mind, it is important to consider that how we respond in this delicate situation can potentially affect the relationship moving forward.

The one thing to remember is this: the stressed person wants to vent and contemplate their feelings with you. Receiving advice is a distant second, in most cases. As such, the practice of active listening is essential.

Active listening is simply listening and conversing with someone in a mutually understandable way. One practices active listening by focusing intently when they’re speaking and – here is the hard part – not getting distracted by conversational pauses OR thinking about your response beforehand.

Using active listening in this situation is, in essence, a means of prevention – we’re preventing the escalation of an already tense situation. Further, we’re alleviating much of the pressure by not attempting to “fix” the problem. This is not to say that we won’t help in some way; but any conversational outcome with someone stressed is not the ultimate goal. In fact, it shouldn’t be considered a “goal” at all. Remember, it’s about them, not you.

In other words, a friend in a crisis doesn’t need “counseling” when they seek you out. They need a friend who’s willing to listen.

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Framing the conversation

Okay, so we know that our stressed out friend will likely dominate the conversation – at least in the beginning. However, they will, at some point, expect you to interject with your thoughts.

This is when that all-important active listening will pay large dividends. When it’s your turn to speak, you already know the situation (right?) and can somewhat identify with you friend’s feelings (right?). If you can’t answer both of these questions with a definitive ‘Yes,’ then you must ask the person to reexplain. If this isn’t possible because of time constraints, elevated emotions, etc., then offer a time and place where you can focus on them, and them alone.

So here are a few tidbits when it’s your time to talk:

#1: Beware of ‘Why?’ questions

Asking ‘Why?’ about how someone is feeling can seem judgmental or condescending. The person may feel like you’re patronizing them, which is the last thing a stressed out person needs.

#2: Ask Open-ended questions

Opened-ended questions are those that cannot be answered by “yes” or “no”. Remember, they are coming to you because they want to explore their feelings. Open-ended questions allow them to do just that.

Open-ended questions accomplish three important things: (1) it shows that you’re actively listening, (2) that you care enough to inquire about their problems, and (3) allows the person to evaluate, rationalize and verbalize their (often complex) feelings.

#3: The TWO words to avoid

“Bob, you should be doing/feeling/thinking this/that/the other.” Saying ‘You should’ when somebody is emotionally vulnerable is not only selfish, it completely invalidates (and attempts to replace) their thoughts and feelings.

It’s basically saying “How you feeling/think is wrong, and you should do what I feel/think.” This is the act of a coach or a counselor, which isn’t appropriate in this scenario.

In closing…

Put simply: your stressed out friend is seeking you out for support. You saying the “right thing at the right time” is really not on their mind; if it is, then it’ an unfair expectation on their part. In fact, it’s a completely different discussion.

Be a friend, listen with attentiveness, be empathetic, be mindful of your words…and things will be fine. Both for them and for yourself.

8 Questions Women Secretly Want to Ask In A Relationship

At the beginning of a relationship, partners typically ask questions to get to know each other. Usually, conversations revolve around what you do for work, your families, and perhaps past relationships. As time goes on, you feel more comfortable with each other and start sharing things you may keep hidden from others. You might talk about past trauma or secret insecurities, for instance.

Your partner should feel like your best friend, someone you can talk to about anything without judgment. In a healthy, committed relationship, partners will have no barriers to communication and feel secure with each other.

Men and women tend to have different communication styles, with men being more direct. Women aren’t as easy to read sometimes and may withhold information until they feel ready to share.

However, after a certain amount of time in a relationship, a woman will start to have questions for her partner. Below, we’ll go over a few common questions that arise in a woman’s mind when she’s in a long-term relationship.

NOTE: We understand that men, too, have relationship questions. We address the things they hope to ask in a companion article.

8 Questions Women May Have For Their Partner

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1.     Where is this relationship headed?

After being together for a few months, your partner may want to know what the future holds. A woman needs to feel secure with her man, and not feel like she’s being strung along. So, she may directly ask you where you see the relationship going, and if you’re interested in taking things further.

If you don’t feel the sparks flying with her, it’s best to end things before they get too serious. After all, there’s no point in continuing a relationship that isn’t meant to last. But, if you do feel something special with her, she will want you to express these emotions somehow.

Every relationship reaches this point where you can either part ways or continue your journey together. It’s a typical question that a woman secretly wants to ask, so don’t hesitate to lay the cards on the table.

2.     Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

If you’re planning a future together, a woman will want to know about your aspirations. If you have a certain vision or goal in mind, it can impact every aspect of your life. For instance, wanting to become an actor or film director may require a move to a different state. Of course, if a woman truly loves you, she will have no issue moving to support your dreams. Questions about the future will inevitably arise in a relationship, and discussing them can help you plan ahead.

3.     What do you love most about me?

In a study on questions that generate closeness between partners, sharing positive characteristics about your SO topped the list. Especially in women who prefer words of affirmation as their love language, kind words can foster a deeper connection. The study found that asking this question early in the relationship may accelerate the bond between partners.

The ability to feel vulnerable forms the foundation of a healthy partnership, but allowing someone into your heart requires trust as well. As soon as you both feel comfortable, share a few things that you admire about each other. Most women secretly want to ask this question, as it reaffirms your feelings about her.

4.     Is there anything you want me to change?

Some women may harbor insecurities about relationships, perhaps due to partners in the past. As such, she may want to ask questions regarding weird quirks or habits you dislike about her. Maybe she genuinely wants to ensure your happiness by seeing how she can improve. Or, it could be a way to ease into a conversation about things she’d like you to change.

Either way, this question doesn’t necessarily signal a problem in the relationship. Being able to talk openly about difficult topics is actually a sign of a thriving partnership, on the contrary.

5.     What life goals do you have?

Questions about the future creep into a woman’s mind quite often in relationships. She will eventually want to know more about your dreams, not necessarily tied to a career. For instance, maybe you have longed to travel the world since childhood. She may share your passion for seeing new places and want to tag along, which means you’re on the same page. It’s important to discuss long-term goals and desires in relationships to gauge how well you mesh with each other.

6.     Do you want children?

Perhaps one of the most crucial questions to ask your partner, the topic of children can easily make or break a relationship. For example, if you want children and your partner doesn’t, that will create tension in the long term. Relationships can only last if both people want the same things in life, generally speaking. So, this question will likely come up in the early stages of a relationship to test compatibility.

7.     What does your family think about me?

A woman will usually want to ask this question to see how well she fits in with her family. Most people have close relationships with their parents and want a partner who can blend easily. When the in-laws approve of a relationship, it makes future interactions much smoother and more enjoyable. So, women naturally want to ensure they’re making a good impression with their partner’s family.

8.     Why did your past relationships end?

Women who ask these types of questions want to know how they compare to their exes. This isn’t necessarily because they feel jealous or insecure; they just wonder what makes them different. They want to know what you see in them that you didn’t find in your past relationships. Also, in the early stages of a relationship, they may ask this to understand your relationship patterns and habits.

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Final Thoughts on Common Questions Women Ask in Relationships

As inquisitive beings, women tend to have a laundry list of questions for their partners. In fact, most people interested in a committed relationship will naturally ask questions to understand their partner better. In the beginning, many couples prefer sticking to small talk and “safe” conversational topics. However, the discussions usually become more meaningful after a couple feels comfortable with one another.

So, if your woman asks you the questions listed above, it may mean she’s interested in something more serious.

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