Host: Welcome to our hit relationship gameshow, where we have Trevor doing well at the moment on $4,000 after a shaky start. He has no lifelines left. He had to phone a friend on “When is my birthday?” for $200, took a 50/50 on “Where did you take me for our first date?” for $500, and asked the audience “Which is the one word to best describe me?” for $1,000.
So, without further ado, let’s play…
For $8,000, Trevor, here is your question:
“Are you really in love with me?
A: No, this relationship is a joke. B: Yes, and I will tell you every day. C: Yes, but stop nagging me, woman. D: I don’t know.”
Trevor: I think I will play this one. Trixie always asks me something along these lines, always needing constant reassurance of my love for her and feeling like I want her in my life in a girlfriend capacity. My final answer is B.
Host: Have you suddenly found your feminine side, Trevor? Because previously you needed everybody else’e help. Good job, my friend, you have just won $8,000!
Next, $16,000. Serious cash here. Have a look at this one, you do not have to play. Here it is:
“How much do you love me?
A: How long is a piece of string? B: No comment. C: As much as playing football with my friends. D: I would die for you!”
Trevor: I am trying to get into Trixie’s brain and see what she would tell me. It is difficult to put any quantity on anything abstract, let alone an emotion as complex as love, though I am pretty sure she would throw me in the doghouse if I say either A or B. I do love my football with my crew. Having said that, I would die for her and would literally do anything to keep her in my life. C or D?
Host: You do not have to play. No lifelines available, you can take the money if you want.
Trevor: As it has nothing to do with my friends, I will say D.
Host: Final answer?
Host: Have you lost $7,000? Or have you doubled your money? I must say you are incredibly brave for going for that. Give him a hand, he has just won $16,000.
Here it is, $16,000. But we do not want to give you that! Do you want to see the next one? OK, for $32,000, here is your next question:
“Would you still be with me even if your parents think I am not good enough for you?
A: They will like you anyway, so don’t worry. B: They are a good indicator of a girlfriend, especially my mum. C: My dad introduced me to his best friend’s daughter. D: How can you even ask that?”
Trevor: In the back of my head, something is telling me that she has asked me this before. I remember taking her by the hand and asking her: “What’s not to like?” I am so happy and grateful to have her in my life as my life partner and she knows it. B would make me look like a mummy’s boy, C is not my dad’s style, and Trix would have my guts for garters if I said D. So my answer is A.
Host: Final answer?
Trevor: The first thing Trixie saw in me was my risk-taking. So, why not? You only live once.
Host: Will Trixie wish you were not much of a risk-taker? We will find out after the break.
Host: Welcome back! We have Trevor, who has just answered a question for $32,000, waiting to see if his calculated risk has paid off. How are you feeling, Trev?
Trevor: After an embarrassing start, I feel a lot better now.
Host: You should be, because you have just won thirty-two big ones! A round of applause everyone!
Have a look at that, $32,000! That is yours, no matter what. So, look at it, smell it, give it a little hug if you want. Having said that, you might as well look at the next question, it is for $64,000 but you do not lose anything if you get it wrong. Here we go:
“How serious have you been with your exes?
A: Yes, I have. B: I have a phobia to commitment. C: Why talk about my past when I am with you now? D: Say nothing but give a blank stare.”
Trevor: This is a complete stab in the dark. C.
Trevor: No guts, no glory, right?
Host: No guts, no glory, indeed. You have just won $64,000! Well, you have been very honest and sensitive with your answers, and have certainly made sure that Trixie is the only one for you based on your performance tonight. She may be thinking about wedding bells right now, despite you forgetting her birthday.
Trevor: I think I will not forget it anymore.
Host: Next question is for $125,000. Have a look, you do not have to play. Here it comes:
“Have you ever wanted to marry an ex?
A: Yes, she made my life worth living. B: Hell no! C: My thoughts are only about you. D: Can’t talk now, busy!”
Trevor: Hmmm. I think you have to assume that she is talking in terms of herself again. Sit her down and talk to her like she is the only one living and breathing apart from yourself, looking into her eyes and telling her that you love her and only her. This one is clear to me. C.
Host: Are you going for it?
Trevor: Final answer.
Host: I have to ask you this now. Where did the Trevor go that could not even remember where they went on their first date? Congratulations, that is $125,000!
We are enjoying some great work here with Trevor, who is just three questions away from the $1 million prize. Can he do it? Here is his question for $1/4 million.
“Does your best friend like me?
A. Say what? B. He thinks you are really cool. C. He does not like you. D. Not important, what really matters is right here.”
Trevor: I would like to take my time with this one.
Host: You do not have to play it. You can walk away right now with $125,000.
Trevor: I think I will play. My best friend and Trix get on so well. Let me see, if she were to ask me this, I would say that loves me so much that she even wonders what my best friend thinks. However, that is not the point. She and I are in the only ones in the relationship, so her well-being is over everyone else’s. D.
Host: You seem sure.
Trevor: I am.
Host: Good on you, sport. That is $250,000! Wow! You are on fire.
Now $1/2 million. Remember, if it is too hard, you can always take the money. Question number 14 of 15, please.
“Do you still find other girls attractive?
A. Yes, but I will never do anything to jeapardize what we have. B. No, you are are the only one for me. C: Do you think I am cheating? D. Yes, I saw Janine the other day in her bikini looking fine.”
Trevor: A. I know that Trixie is comfortable in herself to know that I only want her, despite the attractiveness of other females and her slightly jealous tendencies. It is only her beauty that I want in my life and I want to treasure it forever.
Host: Now you are just toying with us, are you not? Are you Brad Pitt’s cousin or something? Or perhaps a direct descendant of Casanova? Audience, a huge round of applause, lover boy has $500,000!
I now have full confidence that you will get this question right, for $1MILLION, ladies and gentlemen…
Ok, this is the question standing in your way of the jackpot. Ready?
“Do you find any of your exes prettier than me?
A. Yes, quite a number of them, actually. B. There are a couple who were as beautiful. C. No. D. It does not matter because the past is the past.”
Trevor: If anything, I am an honest guy in love with his Trix. Trev, the Daredevil says B.
Host: Are you sure? What is your reasoning?
Trevor: I know myself, and I know my Trixie.
Host: You sound really confident. Is that your final answer, Trevor?
Trevor: Light it up!
Host: If you are wrong, you stand to lose $468,000. You have taken a big gamble, my friend, when you could have taken the money. Has it paid off? Let us reveal the answer now. Are you all ready? Oh dear, Daredevil Trevor has pulled one stunt too many and has lost the most amount of money ever on our show. The answer was D, where it does not matter about the past because you cannot even begin to think about having a life without her.
Trevor: I am gutted. Trix will kill me for not taking the money, but I still feel like the richest man in the world.
Host: Well, here is your cheese with a side order of $32,000. What will you do with that?
Trevor: Buy a burger and a big doghouse because I will be in there for a while!
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Host: Never mind! That is life sometimes. Thank you for joining us for today. Join us again for more!