Casually dating someone is one thing, but when guys want to get more serious, they have many questions. Men don’t want to be hurt in life or love any more than a lady, so they have many things they want to know about you. Before a man can commit to you with his mind, body, and soul, they need to know that they can trust you with their heart.
There are people you have fun with and have a strong physical attraction to, but these usually aren’t the ones you settle down with for the long haul. When a man’s had his heart broken in the past, it’s only natural that he scrutinizes anyone that comes after her. Sadly, past relationships always affect the current ones, but it’s possible to move on and have a healthy relationship after a devastating breakup.
NOTE: We acknowledge that, like guys, women also have questions they long to ask but fear it’s too early in the relationship. Because females have different concerns than males, we address those in a separate article.
Twelve Common Questions Men Want to Ask
Both males and females have many questions when they’re interested in dating. These questions can be divided into several categories. The first would be those inquiries where they get to know you better. This includes the things you like and don’t like and learning your preferences.
Another category would be your hopes and dreams and your previous love life. The best predictor of future behavior is to look at the past. Here are some questions that males want to ask before they get too deep with you.
1. “Have You Ever Cheated on Any Men?”
One of the biggest fears people have in a relationship is that their partner will be unfaithful. Everyone has a definition of cheating, and some folks are more liberal than others. Generally, infidelity occurs when there’s a physical act, though some will consider getting emotionally involved with another person as violating boundaries.
According to a study by the University of Michigan, the numbers are all over the board. Researchers polled 456 people about what cheating meant to them. Shockingly, 89 % felt kissing was cheating, while only 36 % felt that sharing deep secrets was infidelity. When it came to hugging, anything over ten seconds was considered to cross the lines by 35% of the participants.
He may feel that opening up and sharing your troubles with someone is overstepping, so he wants to know that you’re both on the same page.
2. “What Are You Looking for in This Relationship?”
To have a successful relationship, males need you to go in the same direction. If you want marriage and kids, and he’s thinking of traveling the world and living together, it will probably cause problems.
Men want to know before they get too far invested that you have similar life goals. It doesn’t mean that you couldn’t have a great relationship if you differ, but if your plans don’t align, it’s likely to cause significant issues.
3. “What Happened in Your Last Relationship?”
Since looking at the past can be very helpful, men want to know why the last relationship failed. Did they cheat on you, or did you drive them to madness by nagging and suffocating their time? This is where you want to be honest, but being honest doesn’t mean saying everything you know.
Everyone makes mistakes in life and love, and you learn from these experiences to grow. Another thing to ensure is that you don’t blame the other party, as there are two people in a relationship, and there’s usually fault on both sides.
4. “Are Your Friends and Family Members Going to Be a Problem?”
While you might think this question is irrelevant about matters of the heart, males know about in-law drama. A study by the University of Utah found that 11 % of couples fall apart because of the influence of in-laws. You’ve seen TV shows and read horror stories about women and their mothers-in-law, but as many males suffer from horrible relationships.
Men want to know upfront if their father or some other relative will be an issue. He’ll have to decide if it’s worth the battle for your heart.
5. “What Are Your Religious and Political Views?”
People have had opposition to religion and politics since the dawn of time. Even the Bible addresses this issue in 2 Corinthians 6 when it talks about being unequally yoked. It’s important to note that religion and being spiritual are two vastly different things.
If the man is an atheist and you’re a devout Christian, it may cause issues. Additionally, if you have strong opposing views on politics and are entirely the opposite, it’s easy to see how this can be a bone of contention. Some people can accept the differences with one another and respect them, but others find this a significant turnoff as they can’t see things any other way.
6. “Do You Want a Family?”
Some folks don’t want children, and it’s not always the men in this position. If your life is focused on your career, you should avoid being tied down with a child. Males also have strong desires to have a family, so he needs to see how you feel about this matter and if you align.
7. “What’s Your Financial Situation?”
He secretly wants to ask you this question because he’s afraid to say it too soon. Males want to know that you have your spending under control, pay your bills on time, and have a nest egg. If they get involved with someone in financial ruin, it’s easy to see how this could negatively impact them.
Additionally, if a guy marries a woman with a mountain of debts, he takes responsibility for those bills. So, it’s only natural that he wants to know about your financial status.
8. “Do You Have Any Major Health Issues?”
While having health issues isn’t a dealbreaker, it’s only fair that males know what they’re getting into. He needs to know if you have a severe illness of some kind and have been hospitalized five times.
He wants to know if you have a medical condition that will prohibit you from having children. It’s not fair to keep guys in the dark about such things until after you’ve walked down the aisle.
9. “What Are Your Coping Skills, Particularly With the Men in Your Life?”
Having healthy coping skills is imperative in such a chaotic world. If you hit the bar or the casino when life gets you down, you can see how this might be a red flag for him.
Guys who invest a lot of their time and efforts into building a financially secure future want to ensure you’re not going to have a moment of weakness and blow thousands. Additionally, males don’t want to drive across town to pick up an intoxicated partner because she had a bad day at work. Some things are automatic dealbreakers, and substance abuse issues may be one of them.
10. “What Was Your Life Like Growing Up?”
You can tell a lot about a person by how they talk about their parents. Males want to know if you had a good childhood or was you a trauma victim. Having baggage from the past can certainly have a major impact on the future.
While going through a rough time doesn’t mean he will run the other way; he needs to know what he’s facing. Your past isn’t a prison sentence, but you’ll forever be impacted by the time you spend behind those bars if it was traumatic.
11. “How Important is Intimacy to You?”
It’s no secret that guys have a high drive for intimate acts. Some women feel the same way, but others can take or leave such moments. This is one area of your relationship where you need to be on the same page.
If one of you is in overdrive all the time and the other one doesn’t want to participate, it can be a disaster. It’s one reason many men look for another partner, as they have needs just as strong as the desire to eat and breathe.
12. “What’s Your View of Men?”
In the beginning stages of casual dating, it’s possible that he doesn’t know your genuine opinion of men. There are a lot of people who’ve been through experiences in the past that have skewed their views. It would help if you didn’t judge every guy for those who are chauvinistic and have toxic behaviors. He must ensure that your opinions on men don’t conflict with his.
Final Thoughts on Questions Men Want to Ask But Won’t Admit It
Communication is an integral part of any relationship, and guys often have many questions, but they’re not so eager to ask. They want to know your view on religion, politics, starting a family, your past, and how you view intimacy. However, they may avoid asking because they’re afraid of the answers or don’t like being vulnerable should you ask questions in return.
When the communication is right between you, males are more apt to ask the things that they wonder about on the inside. As always, it’s best to get these things out in the open before you make a long-term commitment. Once your heart is entangled, it makes things more challenging if you have significant differences.