Weekly tips, affirmations, and small actions to feel your best.

Researchers Explain What The Color of Your Tongue Says About Your Health

Ever wonder why doctors examine your mouth during a regular checkup? When the doc asks you to say “Ah,” they’re glancing at your tonsils and tongue.

You may have noticed that this routine doesn’t take too long – a few seconds. That’s because doctors can gain valuable insight into the appearance of this muscle. Indeed, it reveals a lot about your wellness.

If you think about it, the tongue is often overlooked. It’s not visible to others (mostly); we don’t pay it much attention unless we’re brushing it, and, the tongue just kind of sits.

The tongue, however, is crucial to our health and function. Without it, we couldn’t eat, drink, taste, chew or talk.

In this article, we’re going to discuss what it can reveal about your health. As it turns out, it’s quite a lot.

“Any discoloration, lumps, sores or pain (of the tongue) should be monitored and evaluated by a medical professional if they don’t go away within two weeks.” – Dr. Daniel Allan, Family Physician at the Cleveland Clinic

Quick anatomy lesson

Our tongue doesn’t have “skin.”

Instead, it’s covered with a pink, moist tissue (mucosa) and maintained by a large flow of blood. The mucosa and high blood content give the tongue its red-pink coloration.

The tongue’s color provides the most valuable information. As such, its coloration is what we’re going to focus on here.

What Does Your Tongue Say About Your Health?

The tongue consists of three sections – the apex, body, and root. The apex is the tip; the body is the rest of it  extends back into the throat, and the root fixes it to the mouth’s base.

Abnormal Colors

As mentioned, a healthy tongue always has a red-pink hue. Certain colors that may be considered unusual include:

  • Black
  • Blue
  • Bright red
  • Purple
  • White
  • Yellow

White

A whitish color is by far the most common type of discoloration. It is often related to continued, poor oral hygiene. Other conditions that may cause whitening of the tongue include:

  • Canker sores: visible white sores on the tongue. Canker sores often contain white to yellowish lesions at the center. Though painful, canker sores are usually rather harmless. Repeated cases, however, should be examined to test for possible underlying conditions.
  • Leukoplakia: a condition associated with irritation caused by chewing tobacco. The condition causes cells called mucous membranes to inflame. The discoloration is evident when the apex of the tongue or inner cheek of the mouth shows whitish-grey patches.
  • Oral thrush (candidiasis): manifests from a yeast called Candida albicans. This yeast creates white, creamy, textured patches on the surface. Thrush can happen to anyone, though people with a suppressed immune system, the very young, and the elderly are especially at risk.

Black

Strange looking as it may be, medical conditions don’t typically cause a black tongue. Sometimes, the tongue may appear black by elongation of the papillae, and small bumps on it’s surface. Black tongue can stem from certain OTC medications (e.g., antibiotics and bismuth), mouthwash products, lack of oral hygiene, or tobacco use.

Blue

A tongue that looks blue should always be considered a medical emergency. As is the case with other parts of the body, the color blue often indicates a cutoff of blood somewhere.

A blue tongue may be a sign of cyanosis, a serious condition that disrupts oxygen supply to our tissue. Blood disorders, blood vessel diseases, or cardiac conditions may cause cyanosis.

words

Bright red

Bright red coloring may be due to a couple of things. Glossitis, or inflammation of this muscle, is the most common. Bright red may also be a sign of nutrient deficiency. Family physician, Dr. Danial Allan, states, “Folic acid and vitamin B-12 deficiencies may cause your tongue to take on a reddish appearance.”

More severe conditions include Scarlet fever, which causes the surface to have a red and bumpy texture. Dr. Allan says, “If you have a high fever and a red tongue, you need to see your family doctor.” Scarlet fever can be easily treatable with the appropriate antibiotics.

Purple

A purplish color is uncommon when you compare it to other color variations. There are two “usual suspects” for a purple hue:

  • Nutrient deficiency, particularly when we lack vitamin B2 (riboflavin).
  • As a precursor to the blue, which is a potentially severe medical condition. Thus, a person whose tongue exhibits purplish colors requires monitoring by medical staff until the color recedes.
  • A purple hue may also arise from certain diseases, and you should speak with a licensed physician.

Yellow

As with a purple tongue, yellow is a rare tint for the tongue. It usually precedes the growth of the black tongue. Sporadically, yellow may be a symptom of jaundice – a medical condition causing yellowing or greenish skin pigmentation due to high bilirubin levels.

tonsil stones

Final Thoughts on Tongue Color

When brushing your pearly whites, make sure you quickly check your tongue. Cleaning your tongue using a scraper can eliminate some white stuff hanging around.

Also, look for lumps, lesions, or other strange growths. Sores that do not recede within 14 days should be examined by a doctor.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

7 Signs Your Partner Respects You

Successful relationships are like buildings: you can build them up as much as you like, but the foundations need to be strong so that the construction can withstand it. Fulfilling relationships have two main pillars as their foundations: love and respect. Sometimes they relate to each other, but most of the time, you have to regard them separately and work on both to make sure your relationship won’t tumble.

Oddly enough, respect can be much more challenging to identify than love. Your partner may be showing you many signs of love, but that may be just a way to blind you in the ways they disrespect you. You excuse it because you think they love you more than anything. But that’s a recipe for disaster in the long term. That’s because relationships only built on love are very egotistical and self-serving.

A person who only shows love but no respect is only interested in reaping the benefits of a relationship but not working towards making their partner happy as well. A truly caring partner will respect and recognize you as a human being that’s not dependent on them. If you’re having doubts or second thoughts, here are seven signs that your partner respects you.

Here Are 7 Signs Your Partner Respects You

“The truest form of love is how you behave toward someone, not how you feel about them.”  Steve Hall

1. They aren’t overbearing

If your partner isn’t trying to control who you go out with or insert themselves in every social interaction, that’s a good sign that they respect and trust you. They are confident in your relationship and believe in you not to overstep any boundaries that you’ve already set. That shows that they respect your independence and stature as self-sufficient. If they want to hang out with your friends – great – but if they try to control who you see or when you see them, that’s possibly a red flag.

validate respect

2. They know that no means no

A good, respectful partner will know what you don’t like and do everything possible to avoid it. That means if you’re uncomfortable with being tickled, they won’t tickle you, or if you don’t want to try a certain thing in bed, they’ll respect that and stick to what makes you happy. When your partner doesn’t pressure you to do anything you’re not 100% keen on, then there’s a chance that they respect you and your choices regarding your body.

3. They’re honest with you

A good partner will never try to spare you from bad news because they know it’ll make you sad or upset. They’ll be frank with you if something’s wrong, which shows they respect your intelligence and decision-making ability. It also shows that they’re confident enough in your relationship to be fully and completely honest with you. It’s never nice being lied to; if someone respects you, they’d never do that.

As psychotherapist Dr. Barton Goldsmith mentions, “What honesty gives you is a great deal of comfort. Knowing you can implicitly trust your mate allows you to be your best self, and your relationship will continue to thrive because you are able to give each other the positive energy you need to navigate life’s ups and downs.

respect

4. A partner who listens to you and respects you

In a conversation with your SO, have you ever felt that you’re just talking at a brick wall? If your partner makes you feel like that, that’s a sign that they don’t respect or care for what you say. A committed partner listens carefully to you and replies accordingly – they don’t just wait for you to finish so they can say their bit. If they really listen and engage, that’s a good sign that they greatly respect you.

5. They’re proud of your achievements

A good, respectful SO will know the goals you set for yourself – physically, emotionally, professionally, academically, etc. – and will support you on your way to them. Once you achieve those goals, your partner will be proud of you and maybe even talk about your great achievements to their friends. That’s a sign that they truly care about your personal development and personal happiness.

6. They’re reliable

If your partner makes you wait for hours on your date night or never responds to your texts, that’s a sign that they aren’t invested in your relationship. A good, respectable SO will know your needs, and they wouldn’t flake out on your plans. They also wouldn’t ignore your texts or calls because talking to you wouldn’t be a chore for them.

7. They fight fair

Even with the most successful relationships, fights erupt now and again. And that’s normal when two personalities clash!

Licensed clinical psychologist Jennifer Kromberg, PsyD, says, “Some degree of fighting in a relationship is not only inevitable, but also necessary to create growth. The problem for couples is not that they fight—it’s how they fight.

That being said, respect should never take a back seat. A respectful partner will fight fairly, with no striking under the belt, no derogatory names and no physical violence. They will try to listen to your argument and respond rationally – that’s a big sign of respect.

There’s nothing more satisfying than knowing that your partner loves and respects you. However, respect can sometimes be more difficult to foster than love – it can also be more critical. Love with no respect turns into an egotistic relationship, which would never last for very long and will end in tears.

Research professor and author Peter Gray, Ph.D., says, “To respect is to understand that the other person is not you, not an extension of you, not a reflection of you, not your toy, not your pet, not your product. In a relationship of respect, your task is to understand the other person as a unique individual and learn how to mesh your needs with his or hers and help that person achieve what he or she wants to achieve.

listening

Final Thoughts on Detecting Whether Your Partner Respects You

So, if you’re having second thoughts or even doubt that your partner doesn’t respect you as much as you deserve, your relationship may not be meant to be. And of course, respect should always go both ways like with every partnership. Start by respecting your partner yourself; soon enough, you’ll see the same come back to you. It will certainly make your relationship a lot happier.

11 Signs of A Hidden Food Sensitivity

“Food intolerance, also known as … mediated food hypersensitivity … refers to difficulty in digesting certain foods. It is important to note that food intolerance is different from food allergy.” ~ Christian Nordqvist, University of Illinois-Chicago, School of Medicine

Is there some food that just doesn’t “sit right” that you haven’t been able to put your finger on?

You may have a food intolerance (aka, “food sensitivity.”)

Please note that a food intolerance is not a food allergy. A food allergy is one that affects the immune system, which is – in general – the more dangerous of the two conditions. The problem with identifying an adverse reaction to foods is that the two conditions often have overlapping symptoms.

The “unofficial” rule-of-thumb: if symptoms are quick, it’s an allergy. Otherwise, it’s intolerance.

Usually, a food intolerance will affect the digestive system. Other common symptoms include cough, headaches, migraines.

The most common foods associated with food sensitivity include dairy products, legumes, or gluten (found in wheat products.)

Here are 11 signs you may have a hidden food sensitivity

1. You run to the toilet a lot

If you are always on the lookout for bathrooms, you may have a food sensitivity. By far, the most common symptoms of a food intolerance are of the gastrointestinal variety.

Bloating, diarrhea, excessive flatulence, and abdominal pain are the cruxes of many-a-food-intolerant person.

2. You experience bouts of muscle or joint pain

According to a study published in the journal Clinical Rheumatology, half of all fibromyalgia patients report worsening of symptoms following the consumption of certain foods.

While we can’t link worsening of muscle or joint symptoms outside of fibromyalgia, it’s certainly possible that “trigger foods” may worsen joint or muscle pain in people prone to such symptoms.

3. Caffeine makes things worse

Everyone metabolizes caffeine differently. For “slow metabolizers,” that cup of joe or spot of tea is less likely to feel satisfying.

That’s because caffeine is a stimulant – it excites the central nervous system (CNS). For individuals with a caffeine sensitivity, this may lead to digestive problems, higher blood pressure (hypertension), excessive sweating, and even an increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

4. You get headaches or migraines

Aside from digestive problems, headaches and migraines may be the most commonly cited complaint.

If you always seem to get a headache after eating a certain type of food, it’s safe to bet there’s some kind of intolerance. It’s important to remember that headaches most frequently occur several hours after finishing a food or meal.

5. You’re always tired

There may be a link between Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and dietary patterns.

CFS is “a debilitating disorder characterized by extreme fatigue or tiredness that doesn’t go away with rest.” The condition can’t be explained by an underlying medical condition, which makes it more difficult to treat.

Medical research has linked leaky gut syndrome and gluten intolerance to CFS.

6. Wheat doesn’t sit right

A condition called Non-Celiac Gluten Sensitivity or Gluten Intolerance, occurs in up to 13 percent of people who test negative for celiac disease. Unlike gluten intolerance, celiac disease can be uncovered with traditional medical testing.

Symptoms of gluten intolerance are similar to those of celiac disease, including digestive stress and other gastrointestinal problems.

7. You have an underactive thyroid

Hypothyroidism is the medical term used to describe an underactive thyroid, and is caused by an autoimmune condition known as Hashimoto’s disease.  It’s estimated that over 15 percent of individuals diagnosed with hypothyroidism or Hashimoto’s suffer some kind of food intolerance.

To add to the confusion, gluten-free diets have demonstrated a positive counteractive effect against hypothyroidism. Thus, it’s believed that gluten – and potentially wheat, in general – is more frequently experienced in those with an underactive thyroid.

8. Dairy upsets your tummy

Per the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, over 65 percent of people have some kind of lactose intolerance. Astonishingly, this number exceeds 90 percent in people of East Asian descent.

Symptoms produced by lactose intolerance are similar to those of irritable bowel syndrome, or IBS, and include cramping, abdominal pain, excessive sweating, diarrhea, and vomiting.

9. You have skin troubles

It took a while for the medical community to link food sensitivities to certain skin conditions. After conducting a variety of studies, scientists have linked skin reactions to the food chemicals salicylate and histamine.

Eczema, or irritation and inflammation of the skin, is the most common skin condition related to food sensitivity. Peppers and tomatoes are the two foods eaten by patients who experience a skin reaction.

10. Garlic and onions are a no-no

A group of sugar alcohols and short-chain carbohydrates, called FODMAP’s cause an (food) additive or “additive-like” effect in the gut.

Scientific and medical research link FODMAP’s to irritable bowel syndrome and related gastrointestinal problems.

Of all foods, onions and garlic are the biggest troublemakers. This is probably because both are so commonly used to add flavor during cooking.

11. Arthritis feels worse

Inflammation from food sensitivities is commonly cited by rheumatoid arthritis (RA) patients as a trigger for worsening symptoms.

Because of the complex mix of environmental triggers (including diet) and genetics, the link between RA and food sensitivity is quite arbitrary.

However, it’s advisable to abstain from foods that you feel may worsen any arthritic symptoms.

https://youtu.be/yG-G9_LOkLA

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved
Sources:
http://fodmapfriendly.com/what-are-fodmaps/

https://www.dietvsdisease.org/11-warning-signs-you-have-a-food-intolerance/
https://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/condition/lactose-intolerance#

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF02206660
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/263965.php
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23588241

8 Warning Signs Your Body Is Lacking Water

Did you know that water makes up two-thirds of your body weight? With the amount of water in our bodies, it’s no wonder it’s so important to us. Water has a lot of vital functions in the human body, without which we wouldn’t be able to function. For instance, water lubricates our eyes and joints, helps maintain the balance of our body fluids, aids digestion, regulates body temperature, and much, much more. Perhaps most importantly, it helps flush unnecessary toxins out of our bodies.

Many people can mistake the feelings of thirst and hunger, which can lead to mild to moderate dehydration. When this happens, we must know the warning signs to take immediate measures and fill up on water before it gets serious. Here are eight signs to look out for when you think you might be low on fluids.

Eight red flags reveal a body that lacks water.

“Drinking water is like washing out your insides. The water will cleanse the system, fill you up, decrease your caloric load and improve the function of all your tissues.” – Kevin R. Stone

1. Headaches, dizziness, lightheadedness, and balance problems

When you drink enough water, you supply your brain with fluid, which surrounds it and protects it from movement and slight bumps. A drop in your hydration level means there’s less fluid to protect your brain, which results in headaches, feeling dizzy, and sometimes even losing your balance. It can sometimes trigger painful migraines as well. So, if you feel like your head hurts, don’t reach for the painkillers. Instead, go for your water bottle. As soon as you rehydrate, your headache will improve–if dehydration was the cause. However, if it persists, the issue may be more serious, so you should seek medical attention.

water

2. Bad breath and dry mouth

Water provides saliva production, which is essential for antibacterial protection in your mouth. When dehydrated, you produce less saliva, which means bacteria can grow, leading to stinky breath. Of course, brushing your teeth is essential, but the first step is to drink more water to improve your general mouth hygiene! Dry mouth and throat can also come from dehydration, so if you feel that, it’s a sign you need a drink of water!

3. Change in the color, smell, and consistency of urine

If you’re well-hydrated, your urine should always be a shade of pale yellow. If it looks dark yellow and appears to be more concentrated, that’s a sign that you need some water.

Also, dehydration can cause your urine to have a foul ammonia smell because the chemicals get more concentrated. After all, there’s not enough water to dilute them.

4. Constant joint and muscle pain

As we mentioned before, water is essential in lubricating our joints. In fact, joints and cartilage contain about 80 percent water! When you’re dehydrated, your joints are less lubricated, and that causes your bones to grind against each other, causing joint pain. However, your joints can withstand tremendous pressure when adequately hydrated, such as running a marathon, jumping, or sudden movements. Not just that, but studies have also proved that muscle cramps are caused by dehydration as well – so if you want good muscle tone, make sure to stock up on fluids!

5. Accelerated heartbeat

Liquids are essential to controlling blood plasma volume, and dehydration means your blood gets more viscous. High viscosity affects blood circulation, which in turn affects your heart rate.

Director of cardiac electrophysiology Dr. Shephal Doshi says, “Dehydration can cause changes in your body’s electrolytes and lower blood pressure. This puts stress on the body and, as a result, could cause an abnormal heartbeat.”

Therefore, with dehydration, the electrolyte level in your body changes, which affects the heartbeat and can also cause anxiety and panic. If you feel acceleration in your heartbeat, try drinking some water slowly, sip by sip, to see if you feel better. If it doesn’t improve, consult with your doctor straight away.

6. Dry, scaly skin

As the largest organ in our body, the skin needs a lot of hydration to stay healthy. If your skin is dry and lacks elasticity, that’s a sign that your body may need water. Not just that, but dehydration also causes excess sweating as the internal organs can’t wash away toxins due to the lack of water. It also increases the risk of acne and eczema. To ensure your skin stays healthy and well moisturized, use a good moisturizing lotion at home and drink plenty of water.

7. Sudden food cravings

As we mentioned before, we often mistake signs of dehydration as hunger. Keep an eye on your food cravings, as they usually indicate that you’re missing water rather than food. If you’re hungry for something salty, drink a sports drink with salt instead, or make your lemon water with salt. If you want to eat something sweet, opt for fruit like watermelon, papaya, or berries, as they have high levels of natural fructose.

8. Brain fog and fatigue

Our brains are made out of 90% water, so when we’re dehydrated, the brain can’t process information correctly, causing brain fog such as poor memory and loss of concentration.

Fatigue is also caused by dehydration, as lack of water limits oxygen flow to the brain. To improve these, try drinking water at regular intervals and take a break from what you’re doing.

Hydration is mainly water, but it can also come from fruit, veggies, flavored water, clear soups, and more!

 

10 Ways to Drink More Water

health

1. Keep a water bottle nearby

One of the best ways to drink more water is to keep your refillable bottle handy.  Refill it regularly so you’ll always have hydration when you need it. Keep it in the fridge at home or work if you like chilled water. Having your personal bottle with you is a simple way to stay hydrated during the day.

2. There’s an app for that

If you’re trying to remember to drink more each day, you might download an H2O app on your iPhone. When you take a sip, you record how much you drank. The app keeps track using the image of a person filling up with water. You can see how much fluid you consumed over the past weeks, which helps you see patterns of how you felt compared to how much water you drank. On some apps, you set reminders to remember to take a sip every so often. So, check out your app store for an app that works for you.

3. Serve water at meals

A simple way to increase your water intake is to serve water at every meal. If you serve wine with your meal, include a glass of water because alcohol is dehydrating. Serving water at meals is especially important for kids who often forget to drink water during the day. Making water a regular part of your meals motivates you and your family to drink more water.

4. Order water when eating out

Opt for water instead of soda when you go out to your favorite restaurant. You not only save money, but you consume fewer calories, which could prove helpful in losing weight in the long run. Sipping water instead of soda also helps you enjoy the flavors of your food. So, the next time you go out, ask for a tall glass with your meal.

5. Eat water-filled foods

Even though drinking enough daily fluid is essential, eating water-filled foods helps you stay hydrated. Include these foods in your daily menu to increase your intake.

  • Skim milk
  • Soups
  • Yogurt
  • Celery
  • Cucumbers
  • Lettuce
  • Tomatoes
  • Pineapple
  • Oranges
  • Tangerines
  • Grapefruits
  • Grapes
  • Watermelon
  • Strawberries
  • Kiwi

6.  Bubbles are okay

If you’re not a big fan of plain water, you may enjoy the sparkling variety. The fizzy bubbles make drinking water more exciting and are very satisfying. Many flavored seltzers or sparkling varieties are now available. You can even buy a soda machine to make your own favorite at home. This eliminates throwing away cans or plastic bottles all the time. For years people worried that seltzer damaged the calcium in your bones because of the phosphate in the carbonation. According to studies, no evidence suggests that the seltzer phosphate content affects your bone density or metabolism.

7. Eat salt

Sodium is an essential nutrient for your body. A recent study warned that several health organizations’ suggestion that the entire population eats a low-sodium diet isn’t healthy or necessary. According to the survey, their recommendation for everyone to eat 2.3 grams of sodium a day is too low. A more beneficial daily range is 3 to 5 grams of sodium. There is no evidence that the entire population reducing salt long-term would lower cardiovascular disease or death. In fact, no study proves fewer cardiovascular events occur when sodium is reduced to 2.3 grams a day compared to 3 to 5 grams per day.

Unless they prove otherwise, researchers say people should consume three to five grams of sodium every day. So, if you’ve been reducing your salt intake, it’s essential that you increase your salt to an average level. When it’s hot and humid, you sweat during the summer months, causing you to lose sodium and fluids. One way to replenish your water and sodium levels during hot weather is to eat healthy salty foods. Choose healthy salty foods such as:

  • Sardines
  • Olives
  • Nuts
  • Goat cheese dip
  • Veggie chips
  • Popcorn with sea salt
  • Avocados drizzled with olive oil and salt
  • Homemade kale chips, olive oil, and sea salt

8. Drink water after you go to the bathroom

One simple way to drink more fluid every day is to refill your glass after each bathroom trip. People go to the bathroom frequently. This means you’ll be drinking water throughout your day regularly.

9. Water sleeve

Have you heard of water sleeves? It’s an insulated 12-ounce wet sleeve you wear on your arm. Most people use it when they’re out for a run or hiking. It’s a hands-free way to carry extra water with you when you’re outside. These sleeves make it effortless to sip water on the run. Water sleeves aren’t just for athletes. Check them out online or at sports stores near you.

10. Keep a water pitcher in the fridge just like grandma

When you were little and at grandma’s house, did you notice she kept a pitcher of cold water in the refrigerator? That’s because dispensers were not present in refrigerators back in the day. If you wanted a glass of cold water, you had to get it from the kitchen faucet and add ice cubes from the freezer.

Of course, sometimes, the little ice trays were out of ice. Grandma solved the problem by keeping a pitcher of cold water in her fridge. Why not keep a pitcher of water in your fridge like grandma did to drink all the water each day? Most household pitchers are 32 ounces. That’s four glasses of fluid a day. According to a Harvard study, most people should drink approximately four to six cups each day. So, you can drinking a pitcher and a half every day will meet your daily requirements.

water

Final Thoughts on the Signs of a Body That Lacks Water

Even though you know the significance of staying hydrated, getting enough hydration every day isn’t easy. If you are experiencing any of these signs that your body lacks fluids, try incorporating some of these suggestions to up your daily intake. Over time, as you make drinking water a daily habit, you’ll experience the benefits of being hydrated and feeling your best.

8 Behaviors Men Show When They’re With Their True Love

Unlike the rare ultra-sensitive male, men, and women display their love and affection differently. So, love can be confusing for a woman at times. That’s because the truth is that men and women think differently.

“Yesterday, he was the nicest guy in the world, and today he’s a complete jerk. I just don’t understand,” is a common, legitimate statement that is heard all too often from women.  Keep in mind, men are only human, so their emotions can go up and down too. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you.

The important part is that what a man says and does should align. That said, men exhibit a standard set of behaviors that demonstrate their love for a woman.

8 Behaviors Men Show When They’re With Their True Love

love

1. He listens to you (closely!).

Generally, women are much better listeners than men. This is not just a stereotype, it’s science, as revealed by a study done at Cambridge University.

The curious thing is that men will always intently focus on things of interest. So, when a man not only hears you but actively pays attention and intelligently responds – a skill called active listening – you can have confidence that he’s smitten.

2. He isn’t afraid to make a sacrifice.

Making personal sacrifices is much easier when doing it for a person we love. Men in love will feel tremendous discomfort at the thought of their woman being unhappy – especially if there’s something we can do about it.

As such, making sacrifices for your happiness is one way a man demonstrates his love for you. He will almost always put you first, even if it means changing his plans or stepping out of his comfort zone.

3. He shows vulnerability.

Men being men, they can be cautious about showing any behavior perceived by others as a weakness. In love, however, this deeply ingrained attitude often falls to the wayside – and they allow you to see their genuine emotions.

When a man is in love, he trusts you with his feelings and is far more comfortable and relaxed about revealing personal information about themselves. They begin to open up and let you in on their innermost feelings.

Vulnerability will make several appearances throughout a relationship – especially if you reciprocate. It will create a deeper, more meaningful bond.

4. He loves how you look, even on your “worst days”.

Remember how much effort a man puts into looking his best during those first dates? Of course. Everyone wants to look and feel their best, and men are no exception when meeting up with a potential partner.

Then there’s the actual relationship. As two people spend more time with each other, comfort levels build, and sometimes the need to impress declines sharply. This is not always true, but you can wander around in pajamas or comfy clothes. Despite the comfortability, he still thinks you look beautiful. It’s not the clothes or makeup you wear- your smile, your laugh and your personality that charms him.

true love

5. He’s proud of you (and isn’t afraid to show it).

In love, a real man isn’t shy about saying how proud he is of you.

Whether you’re a fantastic mother, a hard worker, or reaching your goals, you can rest assured that your efforts don’t go unnoticed. In fact, all of the admirable things a woman has done or is working towards brings a man a great amount of pride and joy. Even if you fall short, he is proud of your effort.

And… even if you’re both very competitive people, he’ll probably feel a bit less crushed following a swift defeat from his lady.

6. He fights for you.

When a man is truly in love, he will do anything to keep you. To him, there is no other option. There is only you. He loves you through your imperfections and wants to see you through your darkest times. Even when you going through a hard time and pushing him away, he pushes back with love.

Likewise, he will also literally fight for you. He will stand up for you if you’ve been wronged. Defend you, even when the whole world may seem against you. This is love.

7. He fights with you (yep, you read that right!). 

He will fight for you and fight with you. Yes, it seems paradoxical, but to avoid offending anyone – we’re not talking fights of the insult-throwing and drama-inducing variety. We’re certainly not talking about physical altercations.

That said, if a man loves you and is emotionally invested in his relationship, he will initiate a “fight”, an argument rather, to avoid losing you, even if that means fighting with the woman he loves. If a guy is fighting for this purpose, he wants to make things work. It’s a demonstration of commitment.

8. He treats your family and friends with respect.

If  a guy knows that someone is important to him, they become essential to him by default. The reason is simple: you cherish family and friends, and the last thing he wants is to hurt your feelings.

While he may not like every single one of your family members or maybe even one of your catty friends, he’ll zip it because he knows how much they mean to you.

man in relationship quote

A man in love is best summed up by the following line from the famed poet, Emily Dickenson: “Behavior is what a man does, not what he thinks, feels, or believes.”

On final note, we would love to hear from you. If you have a tip that we didn’t include here, let us know in the comments. Thanks!

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5 Behaviors Controlling People Display Before Revealing Themselves

“Toxic relationships can sneak up on almost anyone. And controlling behavior on the part of a partner knows no boundaries – people of any age, gender, sexual orientation or socioeconomic status can be in controlling relationships, playing either role.” ~ Andrea Bonoir, Ph.D.

A Strange Persona

It takes someone with some serious gall to try and control others. Gall or a complete disregard for others.

Someone who controls another person is both intolerable and intolerant. They’re immature, self-centered, arrogant, and even narcissistic. Some are dangerous.

They’re also potentially shifty and adept at playing mind games. Strange people are they. We’ll delve into the mindset of a controlling person a bit more later.

Tactics of Controlling People

Something that’s especially unbearable about a controlling person is their lack of empathy (a narcissistic and psychopathic trait, BTW.) They don’t care about who they hurt as long as they get what’s “theirs.”

This mindset is quite revolting.

Of course, for a controlling person to “get what’s theirs,” they need someone to exploit. They don’t particularly care who it is, lest for sexual reasons. In which case, the only prerequisite is some semblance of physical attraction.

Here are a few things to keep in mind:

– People of any age, gender, sexual orientation, or socioeconomic status can be in a controlling relationship.

– The relationship can be platonic, romantic, or sexual, which leads to the next point …

– Controlling people love to play the ‘Friend or Something More?” game. They lead you on and push you back. They give and take away. That’s their preferred method of control when dating, or in a “relationship.”

– Though possible, not every controlling person is violent or aggressive – some are strategically devious. This touches on a controlling/manipulative person’s narcissistic streak.

– Controlling behavior is often not revealed until some kind of bond forms. This way, it’s harder for them to be “found out” – and harder, at times, for the other person to walk away.

Defining two very different types

Before getting into what makes a controlling person stand out, let’s distinguish between a firm (“forceful”) personality and a controlling personality. All you need to do so is ask yourself one simple question:

Do they allow you to be yourself, or do they unjustly influence your behavior?

Controlling people are known for imposing change upon someone else. For example, they may insist that you lose weight, buy new clothes, cut your hair, go on a diet, or make some other inappropriate demand.

Controlling people often lack sensitivity and tact in their interactions with you. A strong personality may be a bit less sensitive or tactful, but they’ll never cross the line. In the mind of a controlling person, there is no such line.

5 Behaviors Of Controlling People

Now that we’ve talked about some generalities of the controlling individual let’s discuss commonly displayed behaviors of such a person while revealing themselves.

1. Volatility exudes from controlling people

The word volatility is defined as the “liability to change rapidly and unpredictably, especially for the worse.”

In the context of this article, volatility refers to a controlling person’s rapid and negative mood swings. It is very common for a controlling person to blow up at the smallest “infraction.” This type of behavior is – or should be – considered a big red flag.

Volatile behavior is, at times, a precursor to physical confrontation or abuse.

2. Belittlement and cruelty

A controlling person can be quite perplexing. One minute they’re showering you with compliments and lifting your mood, then they’ll say something belittling and cruel (“You’re so dumb,” “You never do anything right.”)

It’s a sick, twisted game – sadly, one that too many good people find themselves playing.

3. A controlling person refuses to listen

No real surprise – controlling people aren’t good listeners. Actually, they don’t care to listen at all. When someone tries to have a serious conversation with a controlling person, they’ll often get nowhere.

Because of a controlling person’s refusal to listen, it’s common for them to walk away while verbalizing their contempt unabashedly.

4. Indifference

Indifference is defined as “lack of interest, concern or empathy.”

Manipulators with narcissistic personality traits often use indifference as a means of control. We’ve all heard of the term “silent treatment.” Well, indifference is the silent treatment on steroids. Make no mistake – this is emotional abuse. Period.

Would a real friend or partner act in such a manner? Highly unlikely; perhaps if they’re genuinely angry, but even then, probably not.

So what would motivate someone to act this way? This …

5. Emotional Instability

Andrea Bonoir, Ph.D., a nationally-renowned clinical psychologist, explains a manipulative person’s mercurial state of mind using jealousy and paranoia as an example:

“…jealousy can be flattering in the beginning; it can arguably be viewed as endearing, or a sign of how much they care or how attached they are.”

But this flattery is nothing more than a mirage. Dr. Bonoir continues, “(Someone who) is suspicious or threatened by multiple people you come in contact with, or faults you for innocent interactions … may be insecure, anxious, competitive, or even paranoid.”

Ultimately, such emotions escalate as the relationship moves forward – until they are in total control.

(C)Power of Positivity, LLC. All rights reserved

10 Signs You Are The Target of A Narcissist

Dealing with a narcissist?

“The only person that deserves a special place in your life is someone that never made you feel like you were an option in theirs.” – Shannon L. Alder

We all know that physical and psychological abuse can be a terrifying thing to experience in any relationship. Recently, another form of abuse has been observed by psychologists, and they believe that it’s very easy for this abuse to slip through the cracks and remain unnoticed for long periods of time. We’re talking about narcissistic abuse.

A narcissistic person is somebody who’s fully and entirely obsessed with themselves. As psychologist Stephen Johnson explains, a narcissist is a person who has “buried his true self-expression in response to early injuries and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory false self.

The name comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus, a man so smitten with himself and his own reflection that he falls into a river and drowns. Narcissists are known for very low levels of empathy and a tendency to use others for their own pleasure.

But how can you know if you’re a victim of manipulation?

Here Are Ten Signs Of Abuse From A Narcissist To Look Out For

1. You become depressed or anxious

Feeling like everything you do is wrong like you’re not worthy of affection or you have to fight very hard to get it can inspire feelings of depression and anxiety. You might be looking for the reasons of your depression elsewhere, but at the end of the day, they will always stem from your abusive relationship with a narcissistic person.

2. You feel like you’re going crazy

A tactic many narcissistic people use to manipulate their loved ones is gaslighting. It originates from the 1938 play Gas Light and refers to changing small details in the environment to make someone believe they’re going insane.

Dr. Paul Coleman says, “Narcissists want to keep you off-balance. They want you to doubt yourself, not them. They want you to doubt your perceptions and feelings. This is one reason victims remain in an abusive relationship.

Narcissists will convince you that they’re always right about everything and will go to great lengths to convince you that they’re the innocent party. That’s why it’s very hard to leave an abusive relationship like that.

3. They drastically change over time

In the beginning, you’ll be wooed by their compliments, charm, and desire to please you. But once they’re tired of you, the tables will turn and they will make you believe that you don’t deserve them – that’s another part of their abusive patterns.

4. They attack you when you question them

Fights erupt with every relationship, but narcissists always take a fight to the next level. They use rage to stop people from questioning how amazing they are at everything they do. If you do something very small that upsets them even slightly, the narcissist will lash out at you with unbelievable verbal abuse.

5. They don’t take responsibility for their actions

A part of the narcissist’s agenda is to convince you that everything’s your fault because they are perfect and flawless in every sense of the word. They project every single problem they have on someone else and make them feel like they can never do anything right.

As Dr. Coleman states, “If you do something they dislike, you are to blame; if they do something you dislike, you are to blame for making them do it. Narcissists always have excuses for their bad behavior, whereas your bad behavior is inexcusable.”

Shifting the blame is an integral part of a narcissist’s MO, and it’s another one of the abusive behaviors they engage in.

narcissist

6. They use emotional guilt trips as a defense mechanism

The worst thing that could happen to a narcissist is to have their flaws exposed for everyone to see. That’s why they avoid doing that at any cost. If they suspect you’ll be angry with them or that you’ll leave them, they’ll do everything they can to prevent it. Emotional blackmail is their most utilized weapon, wherein they withhold their affection expecting you to return begging for it. Sometimes they can go to dangerous extremes, such as threatening self-harm if you leave.

7. They lower your self-esteem

If you’re a victim of narcissistic abuse, you often think very little of yourself. That’s how a narcissist gains control over you, as they make you believe that they are what makes the world go around, and they can only save your life. They use your weakness to destroy your self-confidence further and fool you into thinking that’s the normal way to live.

8. They never acknowledge your success

As part of their manipulation tactics, a narcissist wants to make you feel like you haven’t achieved anything. They always want to one-up you because it’s their priority to be the top dog, to have absolute control. That can hit your already low self-esteem and convince you that you might not try to do anything because they’ll be better than you anyway. It’s an abuse tactic to tie you to them further.

9. They lie. A lot

Narcissists lack conscience just as much as they lack empathy. Never knowing whether or not they’re saying the truth is another form of abuse. They always change their story to make it seem believable and enforce the idea that you have the problem, not them. Frequent, chronic lying is a very common form of narcissistic abuse.

10. They’re physically abusive

While narcissists commonly use psychological manipulation, they can also be physically abusive sometimes – most often when they’re enraged and think that you’re better than them in some way that you can do nothing about.

As a professor and private coach Preston Li points out, “Since many narcissists can’t stand disappointment or rejection, they will frequently react negatively when you don’t give them what they want, in the way they want it.

narcissists

A Narcissist Is Only Concerned With Themself

The most dangerous part about narcissistic abuse is that by the time you know it’s happening, you may be too far gone to change it. Emotional manipulation employed by narcissists leaves people scarred for life. However, the first step of overcoming abuse is to realize that it’s not your fault in any way. A narcissist will never be able to love you as much as you love them – because the thing they love most is themselves.

7 Signs You’re Successful In Life (Even If You Think You’re Not)

Successful people measure their outcomes in lots of different ways. If you’re like the rest of us, you may struggle to figure out if you’re doing okay. According to television, movies, and the media, we measure success by the amount of money you have, your job titles, whether or not you have a family. But these seem to be such superficial indicators.

Material realities can be a good measure of success, but they’re not the only things that count. When it comes to measuring success, there’s so much more to consider. If you’re wondering where you measure up, you may be doing better than you think.

Here Are 7 Signs You’re More Successful Than You Think You Are

“Too many people measure how successful they are by how much money they make or the people that they associate with. In my opinion, true success should be measured by how happy you are.” – Richard Branson

1. You haven’t given up on your dreams

Even if you haven’t achieved them yet, you’re still making plans and moving forward with trying to reach your goals. Success isn’t always measured in whether or not you’ve met all your life goals – sometimes, it just means having them in the first place, and refusing to give up. As long as you’ve always had a dream, and you keep moving forward and taking chances and steps to achieve it, you’re doing great.

2. You’re still alive and healthy

This is probably the most important measure of success. Life can be full of so many twists and turns, ups and downs – if you’ve ever struggled with low points in your life, or depressive episodes, you probably have realized how hard it is to keep pushing forward. But if you’ve made it out of every low point and you’re still alive, then that is definitely cause of celebration. Congratulations – you’re a success.

3. You keep improving despite all the obstacles

Sometimes, people feel like they’ve reached their peak and there’s no reason to keep moving forward and learning more and improving themselves as a person. Even if you’ve failed a few times in your life, you’re still a success if you learn from those failures and mistakes and use them to keep improving yourself every day.

CEO of Lexion Capital Management Elle Kaplan says, “Too often in life, people’s goals get derailed when they focus on their setbacks. But if you have the mental fortitude to pivot in a more productive direction when things go wrong, you’re setting yourself up for success.” It doesn’t matter if you’ve failed ten times or one hundred – as long as each failure is met with an attempt to better yourself.

successful

4. Someone loves you

Whether this person is your family, a friend, or your lover, having someone who cares about you and loves you is an important way to measure success. Author Liz Ryan states, “If you have people around whom you love and who love you back, you are successful.

Life can get lonely, and it’s always better when you’re sharing all the ups and downs with someone who cares about you. A love that is unconditional and unyielding is one way to measure your success, and if you’ve found it, then you’re on the right track.

5. You’ve learned to forgive

Holding onto grudges may feel good at first. But eventually, that anger and resentment will begin to eat away at us. If you’ve learned the (sometimes complicated) art of forgiveness, then your life has become more and more successful each day that you live free of that anger.

Learn to forgive as soon as you can. It’s just so you can get “unstuck” in life, start moving forward faster, and open the door to more success and happiness,” says NLP Life & Business Coach Kevin J. Donaldson.

Forgiving people is more about allowing yourself to heal rather than letting someone off the hook. You’ll find that your mind and body are more at peace once you learn to forgive.

6. You have home and clothes

It’s time to take a step back and look around you. If you have a home and a roof over your head as well as clothes on your back, then I would say that you’re doing pretty good. Regardless of all the other things going on around you, if you’ve managed to cultivate a home for yourself and keep yourself dressed and fed, then any other measurements of success don’t really matter. You’re doing great.

7. You can be yourself

No matter who that happens to be, if you’re in a place mentally and physically where you can be yourself and express yourself how you want, then you’ve reached a place of success that few others can achieve. Sure, there are people with thousands upon thousands of dollars, but they’re often stuck and unable to express themselves how they truly wish, and inspire no one to be true to themselves. If you’ve made it this far in your journey to success, then you’re doing amazing.

Success doesn’t always have to be about money, or trophies, or titles. Sometimes, success is about how you’ve grown as a person and your journey from who you were to who you are. Some people live their whole lives never making that journey. Learning to accept that success can come in all different kinds of sizes means that you’re going to be able to move forward in life feeling more positive, confident and – yes! – successful.

15 Things People Who Save Money Do Differently

Could you improve your money habits?

“The habit of saving is itself an education. It fosters every virtue, teaches self-denial, cultivates the sense of order, trains to forethought, and so broadens the mind.” – T.T. Munger

Please re-read the above quote from T.T. Munger. Empowering, isn’t it?

Here’s the truth: saving money is hard – which is why most people don’t. According to studies, up to 75 percent of Americans live paycheck-to-paycheck. Living in such a manner is a form of self-inflicted torture. We stress and stress about making ends meet when, in reality, we are the ones at fault. Or, we haven’t learned how to allocate our money appropriately.

(This coming from an average saver, at best. Things don’t change on my end either, folks!)

People who save their money are a distinct breed. Their mind simply works differently. Speaking of mind, saving money has nothing to do with one’s intelligence; it’s not even about income. Saving money is having a plan to live at or below your means – whatever those means may be – and sticking with that plan.

So, what do the best savers do? How do they look at things?

Here are 15 things people who are good at saving money do differently:

1. They live simply

Savers love to live the simple life. Why? Because they could care less about the “latest and greatest” or how others perceive them. They’re happy, and part of the reason they are happy is that they know where their money is going.

2. They distinguish wants from needs

Separating wants from needs is another way of living simply. It’s common for a good saver to ask themselves “Do I really need this?” before buying something. Besides, tip #3 allows them to buy what they do want, on occasion. Speaking of which…

3. “Budget” isn’t a scary word

When some people hear the word budget, they freak out. People great at saving don’t see a budget as scary; they view it as a necessary and even enjoyable part of responsible living.

4. They look for “free money”

Who says there’s no such thing as “free lunch (money)?” From coupon-clipping to 401k matching, money savers do the less-sexy things that give them a financial peace of mind.

5. “Every little bit helps.”

Gosh, how many times have we heard this saying over the years? There’s a real reason we have. Say you’re able to save 10 bucks a week from your check – not an unreasonable amount of money. In a 2% yearly interest savings account, you’ll have saved roughly $530 in just one year. Compound the interest over multiple years – and you’ve got a sizable sum of cash.

6. “Cash is king.”

Some good savers leverage the perks of credit cards, but not many. Research shows that purchasing something with a card – even a debit card – is much less ‘painful’ than handing over a bunch of bills. This latter point is exactly why savers prefer cold, hard cash.

7. Savers adjust to circumstances

None of us are immune to a stagnant economy, rising costs of living, job layoffs, illness, etc. Good savers have a trained ability to adjust their spending (thus, their savings) by taking life’s punches while remaining steadfast to their money mindset.

8. They’re honest with themselves

Self-deception isn’t at all conducive to saving money. That’s why good money managers are honest with themselves. They know their “situation” well and face it head on without losing focus on their priorities.

9. They love credit unions

Credit unions are not-for-profit and are not beholden to the interests of stockholders on Wall Street. Credit unions are owned by its members. Thus, there’s less profit motive for the institution – and more benefits for members (e.g. lower interest rates, lower fees, etc.)

10. Newer savers start small

There are two reasons why people don’t save money: lifestyle and overwhelm. Many people try to maintain an unaffordable standard of living, which is quite foolish. Others complicate things too much and become overwhelmed; often quitting before they even begin. Even 10 extra dollars in the bank at the end of the month is a good start! You can do it!

11. They automate their savings

Many employers offer direct deposit – and most employees take advantage. Good savers allocate 5 to 10 percent of the net pay to a second account – a savings account. And that account isn’t touched unless absolutely necessary.

12. They make money work

We all work for a living because it’s a necessity. Work = money = comfort. Smart savers know the “tricks of the trade,” and make money work for them. Interest-bearing accounts, low-risk investments, government bonds, purchasing gold, renting out luxury real estate in Mijas Spain…these are just a few ways savers save more.

13. “I’m entitled to nothing.”

This is exactly how savers think and feel. Nobody owes them anything – and they like it that way. They don’t “deserve” a vacation or a newer-model car. The only thing they feel entitled to is hard work and sacrifice. Their reward? Financial security and personal freedom.

14. They have little to no debt

Aside from perhaps their home, smart savers have little to zero debt. Debt means less saving, more spending – and they aren’t having it. They could care less about their decade-old vehicle or some flashy credit card. They’re living free.

15. They have willpower

We all have to face temptations, especially in a consumer-driven world. Good savers are human, too. Establishing and maintaining healthy saving habits can be hard, but they’ve got some extra willpower in the bank also.

References
http://money.cnn.com/2013/06/24/pf/emergency-savings/

http://www.rd.com/advice/saving-money/money-saving-tips
http://www.wisebread.com/5-things-successful-savers-do
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