“Gaslighting? What on Earth is gaslighting?”
Definition: Psychological manipulation, intentional or otherwise, to make the victim doubt their own sanity.
Now that you know what it is, is it happening to you? We have no less than five signs to determine whether or not it is. Without further ado, let us give these signs to you.
5 Signs Your Partner Is “Gaslighting” You
1. Always apologising
The victim will be dropping a many an S-bomb for something they perceive as doing wrong, even if they did nothing wrong at all. What does this mean? The victim takes full responsibility for what goes on between themselves and the perpetrator.
The victims are the ones who “like to keep the peace”, so that their perceived unacceptable behaviour is kept in check by themselves. Annoying or upsetting the perpetrator (read perpe-TRAITOR) is completely out of the question. Another party bag goodie here is the perpetual walking on eggshells, which is the direct result of “keeping the peace”. As time draws on, the victim turns this behaviour into a habit, which itself turns into a vicious circle. Sorry if perpetrators’ bubbles were burst (not sorry).
Do not be sorry for wanting what is best for you.
2. Decision-making is impossible
Such is the hold over the victim by the perpetrator, the poor victim cannot seem to be able to make a decision because of their need to keep the peace and walking on eggshells. One guess who is left to make all of the decisions? With decision-making abilities all in Perpetratorville, all the power and control inevitably follows.
Prince Ea has come out with a video explaining the meaning of the children’s nursery rhyme: “Row, row, row your boat…”. He says “your boat” is your body and by “row”, he says that the nursery rhyme means you are the captain of your own ship. Translation: you have to take control of your own life and not be swayed by someone else. Prince Ea adds that other people can guide you or tell you how to paddle, but this has to come from you.
Decide to take control of your own life.
3. Confusion reigns supreme
The realm of the victim’s mind has a foreign king/queen, and one of the ways to remain ruler is to keep the oppressed confused. The options given to the victim leaves them confused because in their mind there is only one choice – the option which is suitable to King/Queen Perpetrator.
Instincts tell the victim that something is wrong but the ruler comes down hard on its subject, declaring that said instinct wrong. Of course, the victim obeys but feels uneasy about it and has a hard time comprehending it all. This confusion spreads into everything the victim does, says, even questioning their own feelings. Desires are banished from the land and hope is thrown in the dungeon.
It is time to revolt against tyranny and oppression. Bring back your desires from exile and set your hope free.
4. Changing as a person
Before the “relationship”, the victim was probably an outgoing person with a bubblier personality than champagne. As the process continues within the constraints of the union, the victim loses their fizz in life. That personality starts to gradually become flat, with the perpetrator merrily chipping away at the champagne bottle making cracks.
As this is only happening little by little, the victim initially does not notice any difference. After moths, years or even decades of the same, they wonder what is happening to them and see that they are no longer the same person they once were. They have lost their sparkle.
That champagne campaign is waiting for you again, with an invitation to a hangover-free happiness.
5. Withdrawal symptoms of a different kind
Forgive the bluntness of the next statement, but it is a case of being cruel to be kind. The victim turns into a hermit and withdraws completely from the social scene, as they are so overwhelmed and bogged down by what is happening to them.
People start asking questions regarding the victim’s absence. Naturally, as the victim, with an immense lack of self-esteem to boot, does not understand what is going on themselves, thus rendering themselves unable to answer.
Get out there into the not so big, bad world; you never know what will happen when you start smiling.
We leave you with some helpful acronyms. Make of them and do with them what you will:
Life = Leave Injury For Enjoyment.
Peace = Please Enjoy A Chosen Energy.
Joy = Just Overtly You.
Light = Let It Grow High There.
Sadness = Sending Aggravation Down Nearly Experiencing Such Serenity.
Winner = When Intensely Negating Noxiousness Ends Right.