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10 Signs You’re Meant to Be A Healer

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We need healers more than ever in today’s world if you haven’t noticed. More than we need more successful people, we need people who can reach out and help others come out of suffering. We need people to spread their love and light and extend their hearts to those with little hope left. Luckily, more people recognize this need and have begun to work on their own healing so they can be of service to their fellow man.

Healers are truly unique souls who don’t understand all of the man-made problems we face on Earth and want humanity to rise above and come together as one. They feel that we have so much potential as humans but have barely tapped into it due to greed, violence, and other issues threatening to destroy our planet. You might know a healer in your life, or maybe you feel like one yourself.

being a healer

Here are ten signs you’re meant to be a healer:

“A true healer is the one who heals himself first so others can benefit from his own healing.”  – Hong Curley

1. You’re very empathetic and sensitive.

Healers want to save the world, but sometimes, society’s chaos and confusion can leave them frazzled and overwhelmed. Empaths and lightworkers absorb the energy of others, and all of those emotions can make them experience anxiety and depression themselves. Big crowds and loud places don’t appeal to them either, as this leaves them in a heightened state of arousal and can induce a panic attack.

Being overly sensitive is one of their greatest gifts, but they often feel cursed by this, as it can feel like they’re drowning in emotions.

If you feel you have to protect yourself from the outside world and get overwhelmed by the fast pace of modern life, you might be a healer.

2. You spend most of your time alone.

Healers love people, but as we said before – their energy can easily drain an empath. Sensitive types need plenty of alone time to heal and recharge from the modern world, and enjoy plenty of time in nature or in deep meditation.

Solitude is vital to a healer’s well-being, because this is the time where they can do energy work and ground themselves. Healers can quickly become off-balance, so self-care and tranquility are high priorities for them.

3. You feel you have a calling to help people.

Lightworkers have no patience or desire for a dead-end job that doesn’t fulfill them. Healers feel that their only job is to help others in some way, and that any monetary compensation is secondary to their happiness. True happiness is found by bringing a smile to someone else’s face and improving their life somehow.

If you feel trapped in your current job and dream of a way to bring peace to someone else, you might be a healer.

4. People come to you all the time for advice.

Others can feel your healing energy from a mile away and seek you out for help with their problems. You’re the first friend they call on when they hit a rough patch in their life, because they know you’ll have all the answers. You might not be able to figure out which path to take in your life, but you’re an expert in helping people navigate theirs. You bring comfort and solace to people in their darkest hour, which is why they wouldn’t trust anyone else with their most profound problems.

5. You’re deeply in touch with your intuition.

Rather than relying on logic to make decisions for you, you make choices based on your emotions, more often than not. You’ve always listened to that little voice in your head telling you right from wrong, because it hardly ever fails you. Feelings mean more to you than logic, because you can just tell when a person, place, job, or anything else doesn’t sit right with you. Your intuition helps bring positive things into your life and avoid the negative.

6. You suffer from anxiety and/or depression.

Many healers suffer from mental health issues, simply because they feel they don’t fit in with the fast-paced, achievement-oriented world we live in. They need more time to restore and rejuvenate their souls; sadly, this world doesn’t seem to honor or promote relaxation much. If you have been diagnosed with any sort of mental health problem, especially the two mentioned above, you might be a healer.

7. Social interaction exhausts you.

You have to prepare for a party or social event days or weeks in advance, because being around a lot of people drains your energy. Once you get home from the event, it might take hours for you to get your energy back and feel like yourself again.

8. You can just tell when someone is suffering.

Even if they don’t say it, it’s written all over their face. You notice the subtle facial expressions of pain or sadness in other people, and this ability to feel and sense what other people are feeling is what makes you a healer.

9. You’re drawn to healing techniques or professions.

If you have dreams of being a massage therapist, counselor, yoga teacher, gardener, chiropractor, or anything else that brings people healing, then you came here to heal the hearts of others.

Also, if you feel drawn to energy work such as Reiki, meditation, or the like, this is a sign of being a healer.

10. People say you make them feel calm, safe, etc.

If people frequently tell you that you made a positive impact on them somehow and that you brought peace to them, then the healing path is probably for you. How you make people feel says a lot about you, and often, healers just have a certain aura about them that brings relaxation and peace to people’s hearts.

Psychologists Explain 5 Things People Decide About You Immediately

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Believe it or not, people decide several things about you within seconds. These impressions include your intellect, sexual orientation, and faithfulness – or lack thereof. Of course, perception is not always reality. And most people are notoriously bad at “reading people.”

Here are five things that people “decide” about you within a minute

1. They decide your gender

In a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, authors Nicholas O. Rule and Nalini Ambady write:

“The rapid and accurate perception of male sexual orientation may be just another symptom of a fast and efficient cognitive mechanism for perceiving the characteristics of others.”

In the study, 22 male and 68 female college undergraduates were presented with photos of 90 male’s faces – of which half were homosexual. The length at which these faces appeared were 33 milliseconds (ms), 50 ms, 6500 ms, or 10,000 ms.

The participants could accurately determine sexual orientation within 50 milliseconds of photo exposure.

2. Your status

In one Dutch study, people who wore designer clothes were determined to be of a higher status than those who did not.

The authors write “Perceptions did not differ on any of the other dimensions that might affect the outcome of social interactions. There were no differences in perceived attractiveness, kindness, and trustworthiness.”

Sadly, many of our fellow humans would rather associate with someone of a ‘high status’ than someone who is authentic, friendly, and nurturing – and all based off of a frequently flawed perception.

As it turns out, clothing is a pretty bad indicator of “status.” There have been plenty of people with means who don’t give a crap about clothing (see: Steve Jobs, Bill Gates.)

3. They decide your intelligence

Um, wearing glasses doesn’t make someone smart. We all know that, right? Apparently not.

In a study conducted by professors from Loyola Marymount University, wearing thick glasses was a factor in determining whether or not someone was smart.

There were other things, too.

“Looking while speaking was a key behavior. It significantly correlated with IQ … and contributed to higher perceived intelligence ratings.”

So, the next time you’re talking to someone, look them in the eye. Apparently, doing so makes you look smarter than the average bear. Oh, and speak expressively – use your hands and what not.

Oy…

4. Sexual promiscuity

In a study published in the journal Body Image, “Results showed that tattooed women were rated less physically attractive, more sexually promiscuous and heavier drinkers than untattooed women, with more negative ratings with increasing number of tattoos.”

The authors write that female tattoos portray a more masculine nature, including a penchant for fast cars, booze, sports, and sleeping around.

Good call, guys. And by good call, we mean a terrible one.

5. They decide if  you’re an  ‘Alpha’

alpha women relationship

In a study conducted by the University of Pennsylvania, “men with shaved heads were rated as more dominant than similar men with full heads of hair.”

Back to the study!

The researchers also concluded:

– “men whose hair was digitally removed were perceived as more dominant, taller, and stronger than their authentic selves.”

– “men experiencing natural hair loss may improve their interpersonal standing by shaving.”

Oh, and add Jason Statham, Tom Hardy, and Samuel L. Jackson to that list too.

Sources:
http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1948550612449490
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S002210310700178
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1740144507000678
https://digest.bps.org.uk/2008/07/30/mens-sexual-orientation-recognised-in-a-fraction-of-a-second/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thin-slicing
https://www.businessinsider.com.au/8-things-people-decide-within-seconds-of-meeting-you-2015-7
https://www.businessinsider.com.au/science-of-first-impressions-2015-2?op=1

How to Be Kind to Someone When You Don’t Agree

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Do you know what Albert Einstein once said? He said, “I think the most important question facing humanity is, Is the universe a friendly place?”  This is something to think about–because not everyone knows how to be kind when they don’t agree. On all of our many walks through life, we may find that we meet so many people with unique thoughts, ideas, opinions, and life experiences. Combined, all these things often determine how a person feels on a certain subject.

Because we also come from our own life experiences, opinions, thoughts, and ideas, we may find that we don’t agree with everyone we meet. Which is fine, we don’t have to! Unfortunately, we may find that we fundamentally disagree on some things with the people in our life that we can’t just walk away from – friends, family, lovers. It’s good to practice being kind to someone that you, ultimately, don’t agree with, whether their opinions be political or social.

“When we treat someone with kindness, she’s more likely to show kindness to the next person she encounters; the same goes for insensitivity,” says Civility expert Lew Bayer.

Here Are 5 Ways To Be Kind To Someone Even In Disagreements

“Be kind, don’t judge, and have respect for others. The world would be a better place if we can all do this. The point is to teach this to the next generation.” – Jasmine Guinness

1. Listen with an open mind

One of the things that cause us to stop being kind to someone we disagree with is the fact that we sometimes close ourselves off from listening to them. We may already decide what they think and feel, making it easier for us to close ourselves off to what they’re actually saying. A great way to keep the kindness is to learn how to listen to them with an open mind.

“Open-mindedness is equated with positivity and growth. It helps us to take risks, find opportunities, understand others, and manage uncertainty. We also see open-minded people as more generous and kind,” says Kristi Hedges, a leadership coach, speaker and author.

Listen to what they’re saying so you can disagree with what they think and feel, not what you’ve convinced yourself that they think and feel! Who knows, you may find that you were misinterpreting them all along.

smile

2. Think before you speak

Would you feel very good about yourself if you disagreed with someone and they spoke to you with vitriol? Would you want to listen to whatever else they had to say next? Chances are, you’re shaking your head ‘No’. Instead of allowing yourself to say something cruel, imagine how you would like to be treated in a conversation where you and the person you were speaking with disagreed. Talk to them as you would want to be spoken to. It’ll help you stay calm and kind.

Relationship expert Amy Sherman says, “Remember, words have a way of connecting people or dividing them. Your choice of words can prevent a heart from breaking, a friendship from ending, or a feud from brewing. Let your words be a source of comfort, support, encouragement, peace, and love. You’ll be a better person because of it.”

Think before you speak and you may find that you can come to an agreement on your differing opinions.

3. Find common ground

Instead of starting every conversation with the things you fundamentally disagree with, find some common ground that you can agree on. This will help you see the things that are the same about you, rather than continuing to focus on the things that are different. Finding common ground means that you’ll both be able to listen to the validity of each other’s opinions without automatically tossing them out. After all, if you agree on one thing, you may find that you can agree on other things.

4. Remember the positive feelings you have towards each other

If you fundamentally disagree with someone close to you, like a family member or a close friend, it can be easy to let the negative feelings overwhelm you. Instead of letting yourself focus on how you feel negatively towards them because of the differing opinion, focus on the positive emotions that you feel towards them.

“…in a circular way, when another person gets the feeling that you don’t really see much that’s good in him or her, that person is less likely to take the time to see much that’s good in you. Seeing the good in others is thus a simple but very powerful way to feel happier and more confident, and become more loving and more productive in the world,” says psychologist Rick Hanson, Ph.D.

Therefore, you can feel love and affection towards someone while disagreeing with them. You just have to take time out to focus on those good, positive feelings instead of letting yourself drown in negative ones.

5. Learn when to walk away

Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is to learn when the debate is getting too much, and it’s time to table the discussion. This doesn’t mean storming out of the room or ignoring the other person. Rather, you need to learn when you’ve reached your limit and can no longer engage in the conversation in good faith. And that’s okay! We all have our limits! Once you learn to recognize when enough is enough, you can table the debate or discussion for another time when you’re both feeling more calm and rational to continue it. Learning when to walk away can ensure that you don’t damage any relationships you may have with people you disagree with.

Final thoughts on responding in a kind way when people disagree

It doesn’t feel good to disagree with someone you care about. Unfortunately, we can’t all have the same opinions as our friends, family, or even our significant others. What we can do is respect their opinions, and respect them as human beings. Part of that respect comes with learning how to be kind, even when you’re in the middle of a disagreement. This makes going through life a lot easier for everyone involved.

References:
http://www.oprah.com/inspiration/how-to-be-more-kind
https://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2015/12/17/how-to-keep-an-open-mind/#446fdb60418e
https://www.popexpert.com/content/relationships/the-benefits-of-thinking-before-you-speak/the-benefits-of-thinking-before-you-speak
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-wise-brain/201205/see-the-good-in-others

5 Early Warning Signs of Heart Trouble to Never Ignore

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Heart problems can be hereditary, so you know what to expect by looking at your family history. But they can also be a result of a certain lifestyle – even people who don’t look unhealthy can be at risk for heart disease or heart problems throughout their lives. Our bodies will generally try to tell us when something isn’t right. That’s why there are warning signs for when something isn’t going right with our hearts, and that heart disease or heart problems are on the horizon. Here are some of the warning signs that you never want to ignore when it comes to cardiac problems.

“You can’t afford to get sick, and you can’t depend on the present health care system to keep you well. It’s up to you to protect and maintain your body’s innate capacity for health and healing by making the right choices in how you live.” – Andrew Weil

Here Are 5 Warning Signs Of Heart Trouble Never To Ignore

heart trouble

1. Easily fatigued doing physical activities

If your are fairly sedentary, then you might get fatigued quickly. But if you’re an active person who can easily go on jobs, but finds that you’re suddenly unable to finish them due to fatigue, you might want to get checked out. This usually means that your organ isn’t pumping your blood fast enough to get oxygen to all of the parts of your body that need it during a job, or any other physical activity.

According to the American Heart Association,

“The heart can’t pump enough blood to meet the needs of body tissues. The body diverts blood away from less vital organs, particularly muscles in the limbs, and sends it to the heart and brain.”

Even if you get winded climbing a set of stairs, it’s probably a sign that something isn’t right with your heart.

2. Problems in the bedroom

Especially when it comes to men, erectile dysfunction might be a warning sign – especially for men who are younger, or older men who all of a sudden have problems with maintaining their erections in the bedroom. Unfortunately, this is a classic warning sign when it comes to cardiac illness, or being at risk of heart disease. That’s because your body needs the heart to pump blood down to fuel an erection. When the heart isn’t able to do its job correctly, it manifests in men being unable to get or maintain erections.

3. High blood pressure

This one is pretty well-known, and a lot of people who have high blood pressure already know that they’re at risk for some kind of cardiac trouble. When you get diagnosed with high blood pressure, it’s an immediate warning sign to high-risk issues like heart attacks, strokes, and even heart disease.

According to Blood Pressure UK, “If you have high blood pressure, this means that your heart has to work harder to push blood around your body. To cope with this extra effort, your heart becomes thicker and stiffer, which makes it less able to do its job.”

High blood pressure isn’t always noticeable without doctor intervention until it becomes extremely high, which can make it even more dangerous. It’s important to keep blood pressure levels in the healthy range to avoid heart issues.

4. Sudden, persistent cough

Coughing can be a sign of a cold, but if it doesn’t go away within a week, then it might be something a little more serious. If you get sudden and persistent coughs, then you might want to check in with your doctor. Congestive heart failure can cause fluid to build up in the lungs, which means that our bodies are coughing as a way to try and get it out.

Persistent coughing can be a sign that not all is right in the lungs and in the heart. Thus, it’s a huge warning sign for you to call your doctor, asap.  The coughing can often mimic asthma or even lung disease, which can make it dangerous as it masks the real problem in the heart.

5. Swollen feet and legs

For some people, swelling in the legs and feet can be common. But it’s important to be aware of what exactly is causing the swelling. If there’s no recent injury to the limb, unaccounted for swelling can be a warning sign of cardiac conditions.

According to Heart Failure Matters,

“Swelling in the legs and ankles is caused by fluid accumulation in the body, which can be a sign of worsening heart failure. The fluid build-up is due to reduced blood flow out of the heart, causing blood returning to the heart through the veins to back up. This leads to fluid accumulation in the abdomen and lower limbs and congestion.”

Therefore, when our hearts can’t pump our blood the way they’re supposed to, fluid can get backed up in the veins, which makes our feet and legs start to swell up. When this happens, you may notice that you have trouble fitting your feet into your shoes, or your socks are squeezing too tightly.

heart

Final thoughts

Cardiac conditions are dangerous if you don’t take care of them. And, since it’s such an internal issue, a lot of people don’t notice the problem until it’s far too late, or until the problem is far-progressed. Know the early warning signs of heart disease or heart attack. Indeed, it can be the difference between turning it around or having major complications.

Doctors Explain 6 Signs of Hashimoto’s Disease

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What is ‘Hashimoto’s Disease’?

Hashimoto’s thyroiditis is named after the Japanese medical scientist, Hakaru Hashimoto, who discovered the condition in 1912. Hashimoto’s discovery took another 45 years to be labeled an autoimmune disorder. Sadly, the brilliant scientist had already passed.

The word “thyroiditis” refers to “inflammation of the thyroid gland,” for which numerous possible causes exist.

Hashimoto’s is the most common form of hypothyroidism in the United States. Estimates reveal that Hashimoto’s affects about 5 percent of the population at some point in life. Demographically, women between the ages of 30 to 50 make up the majority of patients.

Hashimoto’s disease is the most common cause of hypothyroidism in the United States. It primarily affects middle-aged women but can also occur in men, women of any age, and children. ~ Mayo Clinic

Women are seven times more likely to develop the disorder than men (really?!)

Hypothyroidism, also termed an underactive thyroid or low thyroid, is a disorder in which the thyroid gland doesn’t produce enough thyroid hormone. (As opposed to hyperthyroidism, wherein the thyroid produces the hormone in excess.)

What are the causes of Hashimoto’s?

Like other thyroid disorders, doctor’s aren’t quite sure what causes the immune system to attack the thyroid gland. Some scientists think that exposure to a bacterium or virus may activate a response, while other scientists attribute the cause to genetic factors.

In genetically susceptible individuals, environmental factors including selenium deficiency, high iodine intake, infection, and certain drugs may increase the risk of developing Hashimoto’s.

Individuals already diagnosed with an autoimmune condition also have a higher risk of developing Hashimoto’s. Autoimmune diseases most commonly associated with the disorder include alopecia (hair loss), celiac disease, type 1 diabetes, and vitiligo (a skin pigmentation condition.)

As mentioned, middle-aged women are much more likely to develop the condition, which may also be considered a risk factor.

Treatment of Hashimoto’s generally involves levothyroxine (l-thyroxine) injections. L-thyroxine is a synthetic thyroid hormone that also treats other thyroid conditions, including tumors.

Diagnosis of Hashimoto’s is confirmed via blood tests for specific antithyroid antibodies.

Signs of Hashimoto’s

Because Hashimoto’s symptoms can mirror those other conditions, doctors frequently misdiagnose it as chronic fatigue syndrome, depression, PMS, or fibromyalgia.

However, doctors point out that six symptoms may help differentiate Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis from other conditions:

1. Goiter

Goiter is swelling within the neck due to an enlarged thyroid. A Class I goiter can be challenging to detect, however, as it usually cannot be felt or seen. Patients diagnosed with Class I goiter often discover it by feeling around their neck area.

2. Sensitivity to cold

Thyroid hormones help regulate your metabolism – the chemical reactions that maintain the body. If the thyroid gland doesn’t produce enough of it, your cold/warm ‘toggle’ can get thrown out of whack. We actually owe much of our body’s ability to regulate body temperature to the thyroid gland!

3. Constipation

Constipation is a classic sign of Hashimoto’s. When the body doesn’t produce enough thyroid hormones, the muscles that line the digestive tract often slow down. However, it is possible that the urge to, ahem, ‘go ‘number two’ isn’t affected as much.

4. Puffy face or neck

Low thyroid activity can manifest into lower body temperatures, as mentioned. When the body’s ‘furnace’ draws down, we’re more prone to fluid retention or bloating. Often, this bloating can show up around the face (and neck) areas.

5. Brittle nails or dry skin

Yes, brittle nails – a seemingly unrelated symptom – may point to an underactive thyroid. Beta-carotene, the mineral precursor (building block) of vitamin A is necessary for healthy skin, including the nails. Thyroid hormones are required to convert beta-carotene to vitamin A; so when these hormones aren’t available, our skin and nails are affected.

6. A ‘beefy’ or ‘scalloped’ tongue

The tongue reveals more about our health than we give it credit. Regarding thyroid problems, the tongue often harbors thyroid-harming toxins, which may produce a scalloped or inflamed tongue. If your tongue looks red and ‘beefy’ (with sizable cracks on the surface), it may be indicative of a vitamin-B deficiency. Vitamin B-12, in particular, is essential to proper thyroid function.

But if your tongue looks healthy, then your thyroid is probably healthy too!

Keeping Your Thyroid Healthy

With that said, here are some foods (derived from required nutrients) to include in your diet to help maintain or improve thyroid health:

Iodine is the most crucial nutrient for thyroid health. Experts recommend that adults get at least 150 milligrams (mg) of iodine daily.

Some good food sources of iodine include:
– Cheese
– Eggs
– Kelp
– Shellfish (clams, shrimp, and oysters)
– Saltwater fish (cod, haddock, and perch)

A study published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism links selenium deficiency with increased risk of thyroid disorders. Adults require 55 mg of selenium daily. Good sources of selenium include brazil nuts, chia seed and seeds (Sunflower, Sesame, and Flax).

Iron is a mineral which many adults are deficient in that is vital to thyroid health. Good sources of iron include:

– Beans
– Dried fruit
– Spinach
– Clean, Organic Poultry
– Whole grains

Here are some other thyroid-friendly foods:

– Bell peppers
– Berries (especially blueberries)
– Mustard greens
– Oranges
– Peanuts
– Pine nuts
– Squash
– Turnips

To your continued thyroid health!

Sources:
http://healthyeating.sfgate.com/foods-speed-up-thyroid-4980.html
https://bodyecology.com/articles/is-your-thyroid-healthy
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goitre
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hakaru_Hashimoto
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hashimoto%27s_thyroiditis
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vitiligo
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/hashimotos-disease/symptoms-causes/syc-20351855
https://www.nahypothyroidism.org/thyroid-tongue-troubles/

10 Things That Make Families Happier

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Ask a hundred people what the most important thing in their life is, and the odds are good that most people – if not all – will say their family. (There are narcissists out there, folks!)

But as with so many other important things, the busyness and stress of life can cause us to lose track of our priorities – even when it involves our loved ones.

This article focuses on ten things that produce happy families based on research.

Let’s get to it!

Here are the ten things:

Our Family is a circle of strength and love … Our Family, with every birth and every union, the circle grows … Our family is a circle of strength, every crisis faced together makes the circle stronger.~ Unknown

1) Make the effort

We instinctively grasp the importance of making incremental progress in many areas of our life. We set goals and make an effort–and do what we need to do.

Some of us, however, don’t emphasize enough the importance of working towards a happier family.

If we work together as a family, we can develop and improve the happiness and cohesion of the household. But, as with all things worthwhile, it requires effort and dedication.

2) Create a mission statement

Set aside some time and talk about what it truly means to be a family. What are your values?

Successful philanthropic organizations have detailed well-crafted mission statements. Same goes for successful companies and other entities. Mission statements serve as the foundation for every decision. Loving families can do the same.

So start the conversation. Identify what your central values are as a family. Identify the type of family you want to be.

3) Give the kids some authority

Scientists at the University of California discovered that parents who empowered their children to plan their own time, set weekly goals, and evaluate their progress develop the areas of the brain responsible for executive skills.

Executive skills help children avoid distractions, exert self-discipline, and evaluate the consequences of their choices.

4) Share your family history

Researchers at Emory University discovered that the more knowledge a child possessed about their family history, the higher their degree of self-confidence.

Perhaps the most surprising finding is that knowledge of family history is the number one predictor of a child’s emotional well-being.

Teach your kids to remember where they came from – it’s a valuable lesson.

5) Practice effective mediation

Bruce Ury is the co-author of the classic book Getting to Yes, the best-selling book on negotiation in the world.

Ury found that implementing a three-step process can help parents and their children successfully and affectionately resolve disputes.

– Separate everybody, including yourself.

– Placing them in a visible area (e.g., the family table); involve the children by asking them to come up with three alternatives to the conflict.

– Bring everyone back into a room and discuss the situation. Ask your kids which one of the three solutions they like best.

“Don’t be a dictator unless you have to be,” Ury adds.

6) Be part of a community

Research has shown that having a community of ten supportive friends make families happier.

Professors Chaeyoon Lin and Robert Putnam found that families who are involved in a religious community, in particular, score higher on overall measures of happiness and well-being.

Lin and Putnam note that religious preference didn’t matter in their 3,000 person study. What did matter is the number of friends in the religious community – and they found that 10 is the sweet spot.

7) Limit Stress

Ellen Galinsky, President and Co-Founder of the Families and Work Institute (FWI), distributed a survey to over a thousand families.

In the survey, children were asked a simple question:

“If you were granted one wish about your parents, what would it be?”

The most common response was that the parents were less tired and less stressed.

Here’s the thing: our emotions needn’t dictate our behaviors. Let’s show our children more positivity and less stress!

8) Eat dinner together

A 16-year study conducted by researchers at the University of Michigan found that the number of time children spent eating meals at home was the top predictor of improved academic achievement and fewer behavior-related problems.

The study discovered that eating together as a family was more important than:

– time spent in school

– time spent studying

– playing sports

– attending religious services

9) Get the grandparents involved

If you’re fortunate enough to have your parents still around, you should know (if you don’t already!) that grandparents are some of the best teachers.

Among other things, grandparents teach kids social skills, compassion, and how to be considerate.

An interview-based study of over 400 adolescents at Brigham Young University found that a positive correlation between the amount of time a child spends with their grandparents – and social ability, school involvement, and acts of kindness.

10) Hold family meetings

Donning your parent/CEO cap, sit the family down for a meeting once a week.

Bruce Ury shares what his family does:

“We basically ask three questions. What worked well this week, what didn’t work well this week, and what will we agree to work on in the week ahead?

And if the kids meet the goal, they get to help pick a reward. And if they don’t, they get to help pick a punishment. They don’t do it without us, but we all do it in consultation.”

Sources:
http://theweek.com/articles/444395/6-things-happiest-families-all-have-common
http://time.com/21296/how-to-have-a-happy-family-7-tips-backed-by-research/
http://www.williamury.com/how-to-conduct-difficult-negotiations-the-six-steps/

Sociologists Explain 8 Ways To Help A Shy Person Come Out Of Their Shell

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Being shy isn’t always a bad thing. Different people are comfortable with different levels of social activity, and being shy is natural. However, some people tend to miss out on great opportunities, moments and experiences, just because they’re too shy to put themselves out there.

But why?

Professor of psychology Barry Schlenker says, “Many shy, socially anxious people report the fear of being unable to make a desired impression on others.”

Do shy people want to interact?

According to director of the Outpatient Psychotherapy Treatment Program at Emory Healthcare and author Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D., “Shy people want to be close to others but fear being rejected or criticized, so they avoid even social events they want to attend. They often end up feeling lonely and isolated, which increases their risk for developing other problems like depression or anxiety.”

If you know someone like this in your life, you may be thinking of ways to help them come out of their shell and feel more confident. Check out these methods by sociologists that explain how to best help a shy person out of their shell.

“There was a combination of shyness and just fear of looking stupid that kept me out of a lot of interesting creative conversations that I could have had at an early age.” – Ron Howard

Here Are 8 Ways To Help A Shy Person Come Out Of Their Shell

shy

1. Have other people start with an introduction

Introducing shy people to new and outgoing people can be difficult. Instead of trying to change a shy person’s behavior, ask the more outgoing person to change the way they approach the shy person. Have them start with a simple introduction, followed by a question that your shy friend can easily answer.

For example, “Hello, my name is ___. Who are you?” They’re introduced to the new person, and then given a question they can easily answer – their name!

John Stoker, president of DialogueWORKS and author of “Overcoming Fake Talk” says that, “Asking questions is the easiest way to deepen or create a relationship with someone.”

2. Affirmations for a shy person to say

People who are shy can often become self-conscious after meeting new people. When you introduce them to someone new, make sure that the person that you introduce them with affirms their meeting. For example, have them tell your shy friend how happy they are to have met them.

“It was so nice meeting you”, or “It was a pleasure getting to talk to you!” are great ways to give affirmations to a shy person. This can work with introducing shy people to more outgoing people, or introducing yourself to shy person as well.

“If you make the first move by introducing yourself and taking an interest in the person, you will help to set them at ease, which will help you to establish a relationship with the person that could pay huge returns,” adds Stoker.

3. Use their name

People, as a general rule with a few exceptions, enjoying hearing their own name. Not only that, but repeating the use of a shy person’s name can help with affirmations. It lets the shy person know that you, or someone else, really heard and listened to them introducing themselves, and that you care about them enough to remember and use their name.

According to WikiHow, “People love to hear others say their own name because it brings a personal touch to an otherwise general situation or conversation. Not only will saying his name strengthen the bond between you and the shy guy, but it will also quicken the bonding process.”

If you’re in a group conversation, shy people can tend to retreat into their shells. Thus, using a shy person’s name can help continue to include them in the group when you want them to contribute to the conversation.

4. Explore their interests

What are they interested in? People love to talk about the things that they love – even shy people! This can be one of the best ways to get a shy person talking. As them about the things that they’re passionate about, and then ask follow-up questions. If you’re going to ask what books they like to read, also ask them what their favorite book is, then ask them what it’s about, and why they like it. This is one of the best ways to get a shy person to open up to you or other people.

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5. Offer to help them

If a shy person needs help, they may not feel comfortable reaching out to other people and asking for assistance. The thought can be very anxiety-inducing, which means that they may put off asking for help as long as possible. To make sure this doesn’t happen, always offer your assistance whenever you can. Instead of making them reach out to you, make sure that they know that you’re there to help them.

According to WikiHow, “Bringing a guy out of his shell is not an overnight process, but takes time. It’s not always as simple as being super kind or asking the right questions. You may need to help him build additional social skills, depending on his personal situation and experiences.”

6. Build their self-esteem

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “You wouldn’t worry so much what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”

Sometimes, shyness can be due to someone’s low self-image. While you can’t be the one to completely turn someone’s self-esteem around, you can definitely help them feel more confident. Compliment them on their clothes, or their new haircut.

Make sure you notice when something about them changes so that you can give them a compliment on it. Shy people don’t make big changes very often because they’re self-conscious about it – so when they dye their hair or wear new clothes, make sure to point it out and tell them how much you like it.

7. Start conversations with someone shy

It’s no surprise that shy people often don’t want to be the first to start a conversation. They may feel like people don’t really want to talk to them, or they may just be too shy to make the first move. There’s no harm in starting the conversation with someone that you know is shy. It can take a while, but it’ll build up a rapport and having them starting to reach out to you, first. Shy people just need to know that their company and conversation are wanted, so make sure to reach out to them every once in a while.

8. Be yourself!

Funnily enough, this is a great way to get shy people to come out of their shells, especially if you’re a more outgoing person. Just being who you are can be an inspiration for shy people. When they see you having fun and having conversations without the world crumbling around you, they’ll start to realize that they, too, can have the same type of experiences when it comes to being more outgoing.

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Final Thoughts on Helping a Shy Person Break Out of Their Shell

While you may feel like just forcing them to be more social is the right way to go, that can actually cause a shy person to become overwhelmed and overstimulated, which will only cause them to retreat further. Here are some tried and true methods to help a shy person come out of their shell and live life to the fullest.

6 Things To Remember If Your Partner Was Abused As A Child

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Was your partner abused as a child? If so, they probably have scars they still carry today. And good for  you for diving in to learn more about how you can help them heal.

“Individuals who reported six or more adverse childhood experiences had an average life expectancy two decades shorter than those who reported none. Ischemic heart disease (IHD), Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), liver disease and other health-related quality of life issues are tied to child abuse.”  – Childhelp.org

The statistics

According to childhelp.org:

  • “Every year more than 3.6 million referrals are made to child protection agencies involving more than 6.6 million children (a referral can include multiple children).
  • The United States has one of the worst records among industrialized nations – losing on average between four and seven children every day to child abuse and neglect.
  • A report of child abuse occurs every 10 seconds.
  • As many as two-thirds of the people in treatment for drug abuse reported being abused or neglected as children.”

Here are a few more statistics about child abuse in America from americanspcc.org:

  • 4 million child maltreatment referral reports received.
  • 3.4 million children received prevention & post-response services.
  • 207,000 children received foster care services.
  • 75.3% of victims suffer from neglect.
  • 17.2% of victims receive physical abuse.
  • 8.4% of victims receive sexual abuse.
  • 6.9% of victims are psychologically maltreated.
  • Highest rate of child abuse in children under one (24.2% per 1,000).
  • Over one-quarter (27.%) of victims are younger than 3 years.
  • Almost five children die every day from child abuse.
  • 80% of child fatalities involve at least one parent.
  • 74.8% of child fatalities are under the age of 3.
  • 49.4% of children who die from child abuse are under one year.
  • Almost 60,000 children are sexually abused.
  • More than 90% of juvenile sexual abuse victims know their perpetrator.
  • Child abuse crosses all socioeconomic and educational levels, religions, ethnic and cultural groups.”

We now know that there are marked differences in the brains of those who have suffered child abuse and those who had a healthy upbringing. Referring to the quote at the beginning of the article, we also know that child abuse can cause physical damage to the body, which shows the lasting effects of being abused as a child.

What we experience as children largely dictates our personality and behaviors as adults, and people who have been abused as children lack love, support, and stability from their parents. As a result, they’re much more likely to develop psychological disorders and have a harder time developing and maintaining healthy relationships.

If you are in a relationship with someone who received this mistreatment as a child, there are a few things you need to remember.

Here are 6 things to keep in mind if your partner has suffered from child abuse:

1. Your partner might lash out at you.

It isn’t that your partner mistrusts you. But they struggle with flashbacks from their childhood and direct those intense emotions at you. They might get angry at you for no obvious reason. Or, they might burst into tears stemming from painful memories. Prepare your mind to help them through these memories. Nevert push them to talk about the abuse if they don’t feel ready. You might need to walk away and come back at a later time when they’ve had a chance to calm down.

2. You might need to seek out counseling.

Your partner may have never gotten treatment for the psychological harm they experienced as a child, which undoubtedly left its mark on him or her. If they seem to be having frequent flashbacks or trouble functioning in their daily life, you might want to suggest therapy. Talking through painful memories and learning coping skills is often the only way to move on from such traumatic experiences. You can even go with them to offer your support, and you might want to seek couple’s therapy if you feel it necessary.

3. They might have intimacy issues.

Experiencing abuse, especially as a child, will have lasting consequences regarding interpersonal relationships. People who suffer child abuse often have trust issues, which means that you’ll have to exercise extreme patience in your relationship. It might take them a lot longer than others to open up. If they suffered from sexual abuse, they might show little desire to have sex. Remember that how they feel has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with their childhood memories. If your relationship is suffering due to the psychological damage they’ve endured, keep in mind that a therapist can help you work through these issues together.

4. Your partner might suffer from a mental disorder.

Due to the trauma they experienced, your partner may suffer from anxiety, depression, PTSD, or other mental illnesses. Anxiety and depression are the two most common mental illnesses worldwide. Of course, these increase significantly in adults who suffered child abuse.

5. They will likely have trouble communicating their emotions.

Children who suffer neglect or abuse often don’t learn the skills necessary to manage and work through their emotions. They also don’t learn how to interpret and respond to other people’s emotions. Those crossed wires can lead to poor emotional intelligence as an adult.

6. Your partner may be impulsive and aggressive.

Several studies found a link between child abuse and behavioral problems later in life. In a study published in Child Maltreatment, researchers chose 676 abused or neglected children and 520 non-abused children at random from birth and school records.

The 1,296 participants interviewed with researchers when they reached the average age of 29. The study found the following results:

  • Adults suffering from mistreatment were 38% more likely to have an arrest record for a violent crime.
  • Abused or neglected participants were 53% more likely to have been arrested as an adolescent.
  • Prolonged maltreatment or neglect (per child protective service records) is “related to delinquency, drug use, and other problem behaviors” throughout adulthood.

Also, abused children show higher impulsiveness as adults due to the constant fear of physical or mental abuse growing up. This constant fight-or-flight response changes the brain, making them more prone to anxiety and poor decision-making.

Final Thoughts

No one should have to suffer from child abuse. No one deserves that kind of pain and mental anguish, especially in the most vulnerable years of life. If you’re in a relationship with someone who has been abused, just remember that you are not alone. It’s not your job to fix what happened, and you don’t have to carry the burden all by yourself. Counseling is available to help both of you through it. This help means that you can have a healthy, happy relationship, and your partner can learn to heal their deep wounds.

Just remember to be patient with your significant other, and be there for them in whatever way you can. People who suffered this mistreatment do want a healthy, stable relationship. However, they just need the tools to both give and receive love.

References:
HTTPS://WWW.CDC.GOV/VIOLENCEPREVENTION/CHILDMALTREATMENT/DATASOURCES.HTML [PDF FILE]
HTTPS://WWW.NCBI.NLM.NIH.GOV/PMC/ARTICLES/PMC2771618/
https://americanspcc.org/child-abuse-statistics/

Child Abuse Statistics


8 Behaviors Someone With a Personality Disorder Displays to Reveal Themselves

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What is a personality disorder?

Everyone possesses their own unique personality that makes them different from others. Our personality is formed from a combination of genetics and upbringing. While studies vary, many agree that our personality is fully developed between the ages of 5-7. Personality is our own way of behaving, thinking, and feeling. These characteristics make us human. Without a personality, we would basically be robots, simply moving through life without emotion or thought.

Unfortunately, the personality can go awry based on genetics and negative childhood experiences. Personality disorders cause a person to have a distorted view of himself and others, and impact the way he responds to other people and control his emotions. Depending on the severity, these types of disorders can greatly impede a person from living a normal life. Plus, they can affect everything from jobs to financial stability. Without treatment, the person will become used to their negative behaviors and thought patterns, and may even begin to think nothing is wrong.

Personality Disorder Clusters

“A personality disorder is a way of thinking, feeling and behaving that deviates from the expectations of the culture, causes distress or problems functioning, and lasts over time.” – American Psychiatric Association

The current Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) recognizes 10 different personality disorders grouped into three categories, or “clusters.” They are as follows:

Cluster A: Odd, Bizarre, Eccentric

  • Paranoid Personality Disorder
  • Schizoid Personality Disorder
  • Schizotypal Personality Disorder

B: Dramatic, Erratic

Cluster C: Anxious, Fearful

  • Avoidant Personality Disorder
  • Dependent Personality Disorder
  • Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

Even though psychology differentiates the 10 personality disorders based on behaviors, they often overlap, making a diagnosis difficult. Some psychologists today believe that, instead of specific personality disorders, the maladaptive behaviors that make up the disorders lie on a spectrum, or continuum.  In a new version of an old approach to coping with these illnesses, professionals focus on “style” rather than distinct disorders, University of Minnesota psychologist Sylvia Wilson and colleagues looked at the different interpersonal styles that make up each disorder.

As they note in their research, “Interpersonal style is defined by one’s characteristic approach to interpersonal situations and relationships” (p. 679). This would include everything from how you behave in relationships, to how you view relationships, to how you interpret what happens within your relationships. People with personality disorders typically have very turbulent and unstable relationships due to how they perceive themselves and others in their relationships.

Wilson and her colleagues proposed that all personality traits fall on a spectrum between agency (ranging from domination to submissiveness) and communion (ranging from warmth to coldness). The eight specific traits identified in their research are domineering, vindictive, cold, socially avoidant, nonassertive, exploitable, overly nurturant, and intrusive.

With that said, we will go over these eight traits in further detail and explain which disorders would fall under them.

Here are 8 traits of someone with a personality disorder:

1. Domineering

As you might expect, individuals with antisocial and narcissistic personality disorders scored high on this trait. Antisocial disorder is a pattern of disregarding or violating the rights of others, and people with this disorder may not follow laws or social norms. People with narcissistic personality disorder also don’t have empathy for others, and feel the need to be in the spotlight frequently or show off their achievements. They may take advantage of others due to their sense of entitlement. In addition, people who have histrionic personality disorder scored high on this trait. Excessive displays of emotion and attention-seeking behavior characterize histrionic personality disorder.

2. Vindictive

People with paranoid, schizotypal, antisocial, dependent, narcissistic, and borderline personality disorders scored high on this trait. People with paranoid personality disorder view others’ motives as suspicious and spiteful, and those with schizotypal personality disorder have distorted thinking and extreme discomfort in close relationships. Dependent personality disorder, as you might guess, is a pattern of feeling helpless and needing care. People with this disorder often fear being alone and display clingy behavior. Those with borderline personality disorder have great instability in their self-image, relationships with others, and emotions.

3. Cold

Paranoid, schizoid, schizotypal, narcissistic, and avoidant personality disorders are high in this trait. People with schizoid personality disorder detach themselves from relationships and usually don’t display much emotion. They prefer being alone, and may not respond to others’ emotions, especially to praise or criticism. However, those with avoidant personality disorder are very sensitive to criticism and may avoid social activities due to feeling inferior or inadequate. Individuals with this disorder obsess over what others think about them and have poor self-esteem.

4. Socially avoidant

Obviously, people with avoidant or antisocial personality disorder scored high in this trait. People with schizoid personality disorder also scored highly here, as they don’t tend to form close relationships with others.

5. Nonassertive

People with schizoid, schizotypal, and avoidant personality disorders are most likely to be nonassertive. On the opposite end, however, those with narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders score high in assertiveness.

6. Exploitable

Narcissistic, antisocial, and dependent personality disorders scored high in this trait, as all three center around using others for personal gain in some manner.

7. Overly nurturant

People with dependent personality disorders display this trait, as they need to form close bonds with others in order to get them to take care of them.

8. Intrusive

The people that scored highest here are those with narcissistic, borderline, histrionic, dependent, and antisocial personality disorders.

Interestingly, those with obsessive-compulsive personality disorder had fairly stable interpersonal personality traits, as this disorder does not usually affect relationships either positively or negatively.

Final thoughts on Personality Disorders

While people with mental illnesses may struggle with simple tasks in daily life, treatment is available, and many therapists specialize in treating these individuals. So if you or someone you know has a mental illness, please don’t hesitate to seek help. It does not make you weak or less than others; it simply means you’re doing what you need to do to feel better.

While there are no medications that specifically treat personality disorders, many psychiatrists prescribe antidepressants, anti-anxiety medications, or mood stabilizers to help with the symptoms. The most effective treatment for personality disorders is either cognitive behavioral or dialectical behavioral therapy, as well as self-care and coping strategies.

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