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7 Morning Habits That Make People Happier

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Everyone (at times) struggles in the morning because, well, the brain is partially asleep in the wee hours of the day.

Enter coffee (see coffee consumption; United States).

Even “morning people” sometimes struggle to get moving. It just doesn’t take them (nearly) as long to adjust.

Habits are a powerful thing.

We can incorporate habits – many of which are validated by research – to improve the quality of our morning hours.

Here are seven such habits:

“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.” ~ Glen Cook

1. Wake up earlier

You probably knew this one was coming. But yeah, waking up earlier, while it may sound nightmarish at first, has some real benefits.

According to a study by the University of Toronto, “people who wake up early in the morning are generally happier and have higher satisfaction overall in their lives.”

It’s easy to understand the relationship between happiness and waking up earlier when you think about it: We’re less rushed; therefore, less stressed; which makes us more productive, which leads to happiness … and so on.

Start simple. Wake up 20 minutes earlier for a week or a month (personal preference) and get into your routine. If needed, compensate for this by going to bed earlier in the evening.

2. Eat a good breakfast

You don’t need to eat a big breakfast.

Why the emphasis? Because, for some reason, a “healthy breakfast” is often misinterpreted as a gorging session. This perception is incorrect. In fact, a large-sized breakfast will probably make you want to head back to the rack.

A couple of pieces of wheat toast and an egg, a bowl of whole-grain cereal and a bit of fruit, a cup of yogurt, and some granola. All of these will work just fine.

You brain and your body will thank you. (For a real boost, down 12 to 16 ounces of water.)

3. Get your body in motion

Last checked, the number of research studies linking exercise to positive mood are somewhere in the gazillions (don’t quote me on this.)

On a serious note, we get over our innate resistance to exercise when we make it routine. Additionally, its magical effects on the body make creating a fitness routine easier.

Usually, mood-enhancing effects can be felt in the first five minutes of exercise.

morning habits

4. Have a mindfulness practice

Though this challenge may sound intimidating, applying a mindfulness (or meditation) practice can be incredibly simple.

Here are some examples:

– While eating breakfast, focus all of your attention on your food’s taste and smell.

– When commuting to work, practice some diaphragmic breathing. Breathe into the count of four, and slowly exhale to the count of four.

– While reading the paper, just read the paper. Try not to think about anything else.

5. Be grateful

We’re going to add a bit of substance behind the all-too-cliché “Be grateful!” advice that helps exactly no one.

Whether it’s while enjoying a cup of coffee, in the shower, or getting your kids ready for school, remind yourself of 3 things for which you’re grateful.

Write them down if you’d like.

Experience the positive feelings that these items of gratitude produce; bask in them, even if it’s just for a brief moment.

6. Don’t rush

If you examine how you live your life, you may just conclude that you’re in a perpetual state of hurry.

Now, there’s a vast difference between rushing and productivity. If the work you’re doing – no matter at what rate – makes you fulfilled, that’s awesome. Stick with it.

Rushing, on the other hand, produces no tangible benefits. Rushing around is nothing other than stress on fast-forward. In a state of rush, the only thing busier than your frenzied movement is your frantic state of mind.

If need be, create a schedule that includes some buffer time for each activity.

But whatever you do, slow down. Be present.

7. Learn the fine art of detachment

Consider the lifestyle of a U.S. Navy SEAL.

For the unaware, SEALs are America’s preeminent special forces group. It’s fair to say that they undergo the most intense military training in the world.

They’re elite warriors. But they’re also human beings. Human beings are placed in situations that would be unimaginably stressful for even the toughest among us.

When asked about how he handles such stress, he merely replied: “I detach from it.”

Detachment is viewing the stressor, whatever it is, from the perspective of a third-party observer. You won’t, you can’t, not feel the stress – that’s impossible.

See the stress, acknowledge it, but don’t dwell.

But don’t dwell.

Remain steadfast yet kind to yourself. The pain is only temporary.

Sources:
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/10-morning-habits-happy-people.html

10 Adult Behaviors of Someone Who Was Raised By Narcissists

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What is narcissism? What are narcissists like as parents? How can children who grow up in such a family thrive?

The Mayo Clinic describes narcissism in the context of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD):

“Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultra confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”

A therapist’s experience

“Often, children of narcissists are overly-sensitive, deeply insecure, unable to see themselves as good, worthy and lovable.” ~ Kathy Caprino

Kathy Caprino, an author,  life coach, licensed marriage and family therapist, and former corporate executive, has seen her fair share of narcissists.

“I saw firsthand (that) adult children of narcissists can live their whole lives (unless they get help to heal and overcome it) thinking they’re not good enough, and seeking validation and recognition at every turn, yet never feeling they get it.”

Caprino, perhaps not so surprisingly, met a few narcissists in the corporate world.

“One example was a supervisor, who, on the day of the 9/11 attacks, went around the office pretending to care about how the employees were feeling, when in fact, he was completely devoid of feeling … if you watched his eyes and his “effect” as he spoke to grieving and frightened people, you’d see clearly that he felt absolutely nothing…”

narcissists

The child’s brain and narcissists

Young children learn from what they see and hear.

Lacking critical thinking skills, a kindergartener exposed to violence may walk into a classroom and – without a moment’s hesitation – whack some poor classmate in the face. When asked “Why?,” the kid may say something along the lines of, “I say my (mom/dad/brother/sister) do it.”

Here are two facts about the extremely impressionable nature of a child’s mind:

  1. A child’s brain is 80 percent formed by age four.
  2. 95 percent of our subconscious is programmed by age six.

Most of the who, what, when, where, why decisions – even well into our adult years –  form almost entirely from this subconscious information.

In other words, the“forgotten years” can profoundly influence who we become. Sadly, this is terrible news for children of narcissistic parents.

Now Imagine…

Being the child of one (sometimes two) people who:

  • Believes they are “special” and unique and can only be understood by (other) special or high-status people.
  • Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited beauty, power, or success.
  • Always needs to be the center of attention.
  • Has an extreme sense of entitlement.
  • Exploits and takes advantage of others to achieve their ends.
  • Has a complete lack of empathy.
  • Is excessively arrogant and self-righteous.

Ten Things to Understand About the Children of Narcissists

Let’s discuss some shared thoughts and behaviors of those who had the misfortunate of narcissists as parents. Here are ten:

1. They’re isolated and rejected

Children of narcissists have feelings of isolation and rejection from early on. While the child’s higher-level thinking processes aren’t yet mature, they can intuitively grasp that they’re emotionally deprived.

The narcissist’s inability to nurture their child instills a feeling of alienation and rejection.

2. A child of narcissists may possess very low self-esteem

Children of narcissists are often victims of shaming. Unless the child lives up to the parent’s standards – which is almost impossible – they may hear that they’re dumb, worthless, lazy, or some other terrible thing. This low sense of self-esteem often carries on into adulthood.

children

3. They’re incredibly self-conscious

Children of narcissists face constant scrutiny over every detail of their young life – from how they act, look and speak. The child never hears any encouraging words that would inspire a sense of confidence. This ever-present sense of inadequacy inevitably continues into adulthood.

4. They have an intense fear of abandonment

When the child receives the love and nurturing their parents withheld, they are often oblivious to how to act or respond. Their brain tells them to “Hold on!” which, sadly, often pushes the other person away.

5. They don’t accept compliments well

Again, the inability to accept compliments (or appreciate achievement) stems from the deprivation of any sense of self-worth. They heard they’re not good enough hundreds of times. Thus, it’s no real surprise that compliments and other things they should take some pride in are foreign to them.

6. Children of narcissists often feel inferior

Answering my question earlier, it turns out that narcissists have children to “mold” them into what they, now as parents, failed to live up to. Unable to grasp the absurd nature of placing demands on a child incapable of carrying them out, they’ll vent frustration by bullet-pointing every one of the child’s perceived “failures.”

Too often, these children – and eventual adults – live with a profound inferiority complex.

7. They are afraid to speak up

“You don’t speak unless spoken to” is a directive issued to inmates, military trainees…and children of narcissists. Forced silence throughout childhood – combined with a deep sense of inferiority – often leaves a person unwilling or unable to voice their opinion or knowledge over the fear of appearing stupid.

8. They don’t feel worthy of love or respect

Throughout their first two decades, love was an emotion that the most influential person in their world withheld from them. Predictably, once this child steps into society, they have only a vague notion of how love and respect feel. And they’ll have a difficult time receiving both.

9. They’ll self-sabotage relationships

Being the child of a narcissist is a drama-laden, roller-coaster affair. Children who experience years of psychological turmoil will almost assuredly experience problems in platonic and intimate relationships. Worse, they may (subconsciously) gravitate towards relationships that cause further harm.

10. Children of narcissists frequently feel depressed and anxious

As mentioned, a young child’s mind is super impressionable, especially during the first six years of life. As such, it’s commonplace for the child of a narcissist – because of the extreme mental anguish experienced – to develop anxiety and depression later in life.

narcissists

Final Thoughts: Children of Narcissists Can Heal

Growing up with narcissistic parents can be a challenging and heart-wrenching experience, and the effects can follow the individual well into adulthood. These repercussions may manifest as low self-esteem, social anxiety, a fear of abandonment, difficulty accepting compliments, and a tendency to self-sabotage relationships, among other things. Additionally, there is a heightened risk of developing depression and anxiety disorders due to continuous stress and emotional neglect.

However, it is crucial to remember that these are not definitive life sentences. The strength and resilience of the human spirit, coupled with the right support and guidance, can bring about healing and transformation. A victim of narcissistic parenting can still create a fulfilling life, nurtured by healthy relationships and a solid sense of self-worth. There are many available resources, from professional therapy to support groups, self-help books, and online platforms, which can serve as valuable tools on this journey toward recovery and self-discovery.

If you or someone you know has experienced this form of parental abuse, know that awareness is the first step toward healing. Realize that you’re not alone, and it’s never too late to seek help and begin repairing the damage done. With time, patience, and self-compassion, overcoming these adversities and flourishing beyond the shadow of narcissistic parenting is possible.

5 Things Women Do That Men Will Never Understand

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Women know that men might never understand some of the things we do, so it is fun to torture them with the stark contrasts in our behavior and keep them guessing. Below we explore five of the top things women do that men find puzzling about our sex.

NOTE: We recognize that sometimes the opposite is true–that women do things that men can’t comprehend. We covered that topic separately, as the behaviors somewhat differ.

5 Things Women Do That Men Have A Hard Time Understanding

 

why men don't understand women

1. Intentionally subjecting ourselves to emotional or physical pain

If a tissue box is required for watching, you can bet that men do not understand a woman’s need to watch movies that make us cry. Why do women put themselves through these emotional roller coasters? Researchers say it is likely because we are seeking to understand how to achieve romance in a relationship. However, ‘chick flicks’ affect relationship expectations, beliefs, and overall relationship experiences for both women and teenage girls.

Seeking to understand the suffering of others in sad movies could be related to the reason women wear uncomfortable fashion; wearing those heels isn’t comfortable, but being comfortable is not the point. There will be times when we have to face difficult emotional and physical feelings. Subjecting ourselves to pain is a way to adapt to our own difficulties since a broken heart is nothing compared to a shoe strap that digs in to your foot all day.

2. The ladies’ room party

Revealing what happens when a group of women go to the restroom together feels like a betrayal to the female sex, but men may never otherwise understand this thing that women do. From sharing feminine hygiene products to talking about our dates to planning an escape from a bad date or trading makeup tips, there are many reasons we need a partner or three in the ladies room.

3. Asking trick questions

“Does this make me look fat?” or “Why don’t you just marry your friends since you spend all your time with them?” are trick questions that men know they should not answer, and yet women do this in conversation. Women are very good at expressing emotions, but sometimes we struggle to say “I’d like a compliment from you” or “I wish you enjoyed spending time with me as much as you do with your friends.” So before you answer, take a moment to realize that she needs some loving attention, and then give it to her.

4. Saying the opposite of how you feel

“Nothing’s bothering me, I’m fine,” is not the truth, but saying the opposite of what we mean is one thing that women do that men cannot understand. Body language, tone, facial expression, and context are what she is hoping you can interpret when a woman doesn’t tell you what is wrong. Most likely, she doesn’t think you are capable of understanding why she is so frustrated with you.

5. Complain when guys hit on us

For most men, getting upset about constantly receiving sexual advances is something that they will never understand. But for women, it means bringing our ‘A’ game of diplomacy. Tactfully, yet assertively declining your offer and continuing to put you at ease all the while. There is an art to rejecting advances, and most women have had a lot of practice at it. Unfortunately, men don’t see their assertive pickup lines as a problem like women do.

Researchers in 2001 at the Women’s Studies International Forum say that sexual harassment is not a broad enough term for what women deal with in some oppressive environments. There were instances of sexism reported where although the women did not interpret these experiences as sexual harassment, they were not saying that they welcomed these experiences, either.

Equality between the sexes may have made social advances, but the differences between us can leave a vast cavern of misunderstanding. Improving emotional intelligence and ability to empathize with women’s emotions is a path to help men understand these 5 mysterious things about us women.

Sources:
http://www.thelist.com/79698/stuff-girls-guys-just-dont-get/
Chick flicks and relationship expectations
http://www.ncurproceedings.org/ojs/index.php/NCUR2013/article/viewFile/658/340

Relationship Expert Explains What to Never Say to Your Partner When They’re Upset

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When your partner is upset, you may immediately need to try and say something to improve it. Or, if they’re upset with you, you may feel the need to defend yourself. That’s natural! We all have the same human instinct to defend ourselves and make our loved ones feel better.

Unfortunately, things don’t always come out the way that we planned. In fact, sometimes we say things that can be taken the wrong way, or say things that we don’t mean at all. This can lead to even more upset between ourselves and our partners. Thankfully, relationship experts are here to tell us exactly what not to do when our partner is upset.

“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” – William James

Here Are 3 Things You Should Avoid Saying To Your Partner When They’re Upset

Avoid saying these things to someone who is upset.

1. “Come on, tell me what’s wrong.”

When your partner is upset, it may be hard for them to talk about what’s on their mind or what they’re feeling. Talking about emotions doesn’t come easily to everyone, and sometimes people may feel better keeping things to themselves until they calm down rather than talking about what’s upsetting them in the heat of the moment.

Psychotherapist and author Tina B. Tessina says, “Ask if you can help, then give your partner space to figure himself or herself out. Later, when it’s all OK again, ask what your partner would like you to do in those situations. Some people like to be left alone to work it out, some like to talk, some just want silent company.”

Therefore, trying to force your partner to talk to you by nagging them to tell you what’s wrong is one of the significant things you never want to do when your partner is upset. Not only will it make them feel like they can’t refuse or else risk upsetting you in the process, but it will make them feel upset that you’re not respecting their boundaries of communication. So, when your partner is upset, the best thing to do for them is to wait it out until they feel ready to tell you what’s wrong.

2. “I just want to help.”

This may be a true statement, and you may genuinely want to help … but, in the end, they’re the ones who are feeling upset. It’s their emotions that need validation right now. When you try to get your partner to talk to you and tell you what’s wrong, pulling out “I just want to help” shifts the focus off your partner’s genuine distress and onto your own feelings.

Psychologist Nicole Martinez says, “It all depends on how your partner handles their moods and what they need during these times… Some people need time and space, and if they do, let them have it, no matter how badly you want to help. This way, they can openly talk about their feelings, and you can either be there to support them, or the two of you can come to resolutions together…”

Wanting to help is a great thing, and so is feeling poorly when you’re unable to – it means that you have a great deal of empathy and genuinely love your partner. Unfortunately, getting them to tell you what’s bothering them before they’re ready by guilting them into letting you help isn’t the right way to do it. Instead, let them know that you want to help them and that you’re here for them when when they’re ready to talk about it. Extend your help as an offer rather than a demand.

how to comfort partner when they're upset

3. “You’re overreacting.”

When we feel emotions, we are often in the thickest part of our feelings. Everything is hypersensitive. Additionally, each emotion feels too large to contain. It may not seem like a big deal when your partner is upset about something. But you don’t live in your partner’s head.

Moreover, you do not experience their pain firsthand. If you tell them they’re overreacting, you may set the stage for your partner to no longer feel safe expressing certain emotions around you. At worst, you’re making them feel invalidated and unable to trust their own perception.

Dating expert Stacey Laura Lloyd says, “If your intent is to make him less upset and agitated, you’ll have the exact opposite outcome. These phrases are perceived as demeaning directives that belittle and degrade your partner. Rather than telling him how to feel and react to the matter, you’ll be better able to resolve things by letting him vent and listening carefully to what he’s saying.”

Even if they overreact, they’ll likely conclude the same when they calm down. But in the meantime, it’s important to validate how they’re feeling and talk it through with them. Offer your support and an ear to listen to, rather than trying to force them out of what they’re feeling.

Final thoughts on never saying these phrases to an upset person

Dealing with someone who is upset and emotional isn’t always the easiest thing to do. In fact, it is quite complicated. That’s because you never know if what you’re going to say will make them feel better or worse. What works for you may not work for your partner, and sometimes trying to be helpful can cause more damage than good. But, as long as you avoid saying things that will go wrong, you can work with your partner to find out what you can do when they’re upset to make them feel better without invalidating or making them feel worse.

References:
https://www.bustle.com/articles/181222-how-to-deal-with-your-partners-bad-moods-according-to-11-experts
https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/never-say-to-spouse/3/

8 Signs You Have A Corn Intolerance

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Corn intolerance?

Have you ever known someone with a corn intolerance? Do you deal with the condition? (If so, we’d love your opinion on the article. Please comment!)

A corn allergy is quite rare. Additionally, corn allergies are difficult to spot as the symptoms are similar to those of grain, grass pollen, and seed allergies.

Rare or not, food allergies can pose a severe threat to health. According to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), 30,000 people require emergency room treatment, and 150 individuals die yearly from food allergies.

The problem got so bad that 2004, the (FDA) passed the Food Allergen Labeling and Consumer Protection Act (FALCPA). The law was necessary, as food manufacturers failed to label products that included common and rare allergens appropriately.

Astoundingly, the language within FALCPA did not list corn as an allergen! (Kickbacks, anyone?)

Anyways, despite this egregious mistake, knowing the ingredients and products derived from corn is crucial if you’re concerned about a potential allergy.

Here they are baking powder, caramel, cellulose, citric acid, dextrin, dextrose, inositol, malt, maltodextrin, monosodium glutamate (MSG), semolina, sodium erythorbate, sorbitol, starch, vanilla extract, xanthan gum, and xylitol.

If you have a physical reaction after eating corn or corn-derived products – if you develop hives or become nauseated, or your nose begins to run, for example – you may be allergic to corn. ~ American College of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology

Symptoms of a Corn Allergy

Physical reactions to corn and corn products may be from mild to severe. A life-threatening allergic reaction anaphylaxis (pronounced ‘anna-phil-axis’) can happen very quickly. Because it can cause airway swelling, breathing impairment, and a blood pressure drop, it is an emergency. In fact, it warrants a call to 911, as it can be fatal.

Anaphylaxis can send the body into shock. It results from a sudden drop in blood pressure to the brain, heart, and lungs. It’s worth noting that, in several medical studies, symptoms of anaphylaxis have been linked primarily to the corn-based products dextrose and cornstarch.

Besides anaphylaxis, here are eight other possible signs of corn allergy:

– Breathing trouble (a medical emergency)

– Diarrhea

– Headache

– Hives (red skin bumps) or skin rash

– Muscle cramps

– Nausea

– Runny or stuffed nose

– Vomiting

Due to the potentially life-threatening symptoms of food allergies, you should pay particular attention to how the food(s) affect your breathing.

If you suddenly experience trouble breathing, contact emergency services immediately!

Identifying a Corn Allergy

If particular foods are causing physical reactions, however mild, it is essential that you:

– Book a doctor’s appointment

– Write down what you eat

– Write down any symptoms

The above information will greatly assist the physician in narrowing down possible causes of your reaction.

After ruling out other health issues that may cause the same kind of response, the physician will perform what is called a prick test or scratch test. This particular examination involves the doctor putting a tiny amount of food solution onto the area of the skin that is pricked or scratched.

If the skin forms a bump, it usually indicates that an allergy is present.

(It’s worth mentioning here that allergists are licensed physicians who specialize in diagnosing and treating allergic diseases. Visiting a specialist is covered by most healthcare plans.)

If you are not experiencing breathing problems and cannot visit a physician or specialist, try staying away from corn or corn products for a few weeks. That gives you time to see if your symptoms reside.

Prevention and Treatment of Corn Allergy

Regarding prevention, your top priority must be avoiding any product containing corn.

This includes ‘no-brainer’ foods such as corn muffins, cornbread, corn oil, and corn syrup (please read the labels!)

Corn byproducts are used as an ingredient in many of the following foods:

– Bread

– Candies

– Canned fruits and juices

– Cereals

– Cheese

– Deli meat

– Jams

– Juices

– Salad dressing

– Sauces

– Soda (diet and regular)

– Yogurt

And some other non-food products:

– Clothing

– Crayons

– Dishwasher Soap

– Makeup

– Paint

– Pet food

– Shampoo

– Toothpaste

gluten

Here are some recommendations for anyone who is – or may be – suffering from a corn or other food allergy:

– Entirely avoid the following: baking powder, corn bran, cornmeal, corn oil, corn syrup (including fructose), maize, and vegetable oil.

– Avoid processed foods whenever possible. Instead, eat fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meats, whole grains, and whole (‘100%’) fruit juice.

– Be extra cautious at barbeques, dining halls, restaurants, and other places where you purchase a meal.

– Carry an antihistamine, e.g., Benedryl, in case you experience a sudden episode.

– Ensure that your child’s caretakers are aware of their condition. Additionally, remind them periodically.

– Wear a bracelet that states you suffer from a food allergy.

6 Brain Training Exercises That Make People Happier

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What can you do to be happier? It turns out that the answer is simple–think positive thoughts. But that’s not as easy as it sounds without training your brain to embrace positivity.

“Your brain is simply built with a greater sensitivity to unpleasant news. The bias is so automatic that it can be detected at the earliest stage of the brain’s information processing.” ~ Hara Estroff Marano: “Our Brain’s Negative Bias”

The Negativity Bias

Many people make negative thinking a habit.

These eight words may be a tough pill to swallow, but it’s an unfortunate truth. Here’s an example of one of the several experiments by John Cacioppo, Ph.D., and professor at the University of Chicago:

Cacioppo showed a bunch of people some images known to produce positive feelings (for example, a cute animal or nice car); then showed the same group images associated with negative and neutral emotions.

Images of the cerebral cortex demonstrate that the brain produces more electrical activity following negative stimuli. (The cerebral cortex plays an essential part in consciousness.)

We attribute the brain’s tendencies to focus on the negative – once again – to our fight-or-flight response.

To override the innate negativity response, we must retrain our mind and brain. One of the best ways to do this is through positive thinking exercises.

If we make the practice of positive thinking habitual, we will witness positive transformations in just about every area of life.

We’ll begin to think, feel, and act with more positivity. In turn, these effects will improve our relationships, make us more productive, create powerful feelings of gratitude, and – in general – enable us to see things in a more positive light.

How great would that be?

Let’s get to it, then!

Here are Brain Training Exercises That Make People Happier
mindset

1. Relish the Present Moment 

Martin Seligman, director of the Positive Psychology Network, emphasizes the importance of defining what a “good life” looks like to us.

Seligman recommends what is called the “beautiful day” exercise. The beautiful day exercise involves outlining how your ideal day would look like. Once you have your outline, put each step into practice while enjoying the present moment of each situation.

2. Breathe Mindfully 

Of all six tips, this may be the most important. Breathing has an incredible amount of power when you simply pay attention to it.

Most times, we’re unaware of our breathing. Unless you’re a yogi master or something, your “regular” breath is probably suboptimal. Anger, anxiety, fear, stress, and tension almost automatically contribute to shallower breathing.

All you need is five minutes. Whether or not you’re anxious, sad or whatever, take five minutes a few times a day to focus on your breath.

Here’s a quick exercise:

– Sit upright, but not tight. Shoulders back, chest out.

– Rest your hands in a peaceful position.

– Now, focusing on the sensations of the nostrils, breath in deeply for 3 seconds. The inhale should fill your belly and diaphragm.

– Pursing your lips, exhale slowly for six seconds.

– Repeat six times.

An easy way to remember the exercise is to remember the numbers 3-6-6. 3-second inhales, 6-second exhales, 6 times!

Breathing has an incredible amount of power when you simply pay attention to it.

3. Listen to music to be happier

Whatever music puts you in a good mood, listen to it. Many people find that relaxing, meditative music and “white noise” mixes can work wonders.

Good music has been found in all sorts of studies to increase the “feel good” chemicals in the brain.

So jam out!

happiness

4. Express gratitude

It’s human nature to always think about the “next big thing” whatever that may entail.

Look at your own life. Have you ever constructed a scenario when the “ultimate happiness” would manifest?

“When I finish college, I’ll be happy.” “When I get that beautiful home…” “When I get the job I want…” “When I finally get the money I deserve…” When I get married…”

Make no mistake. These are all possibly beautiful things.

They lose their power to make us happy, however, when we forget about them! Practicing gratitude is so powerful because it’s a reminder of the things we already have. Further, it may remind us that we don’t need many of the things we think that we do.

Simple practice: write three things you’re grateful for every morning.

5. Smile

Flashing an ear-to-ear grinner has a particular type of magic.

Many studies show that smiling, whether or not we “feel” like it, produce “happiness” within the brain and body.

In a 30-year longitudinal study conducted at the University of California-Berkeley, researchers examined the smiles of students in an old yearbook and measured their well-being and success.

The researchers then hypothesized the following: how fulfilling and long-lasting their marriages would be, how highly they’d score on a standardized test of well-being, and how inspiring they’d be to others.

Those who smiled the widest in their yearbook photo reliably scored higher in all of the above measures.

6. Simplify 

Whether we’re addicted to our phones, buying things we don’t need, overeating, or overcomplicating work – many of us can benefit from simplifying our lives.

Simplifying, and it’s close cousins – minimalism or decluttering – can make life easier.

When it comes right down to it, less is more – and these three magic words apply to just about everything, including possessions. It’s beyond the scope of this article to delve into everything simplifying entails, but it could mean:

– less clothing

– less clutter

– more open space (at work and in your home)

– eliminating debt

– going carless

– limiting expectations

The list is endless. And the feedback is overwhelmingly positive.

Sources:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/ericsavitz/2011/03/22/the-untapped-power-of-smiling/#23351f467a67
https://www.livestrong.com/article/125062-positive-thinking-exercises/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200306/our-brains-negative-bias

Harvard Researchers Explain How Optimism Helps You Live Longer

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The power of optimism. If someone told you “Hey, being positive can help you live a longer life” would you do anything different?

Perhaps you’re inquisitive, you may want to know the source of such information. “Where did you hear that?” you ask, expecting some pseudoscientific drivel from a third-rate website. “Harvard University” they reply.

Your interest may heighten a bit more on hearing that; as well, it should.

Without going too much into the process of medical research, suffice to say that it’s rigorous, time-consuming, and stressful. It has to be. Scientists are required to be meticulous in their judgement, actions, and how they handle even the smallest of details. If they’re not, and people follow their published advice, the situation can get messy – and quick.

It’s safe to assume, then, that researchers at Harvard don’t put their credibility – and thereby their careers – at risk by publishing something without merit.

Especially when that “something” is extending life. And especially if it’s tied to something scientists are cautious about testing: emotions.

Yet, six scientists from arguably the most prestigious school on the planet have done exactly that.

“It has been demonstrated (that) optimism can be learned. If (the relationship) between optimism and broader health outcomes are established, it may lead to novel interventions that improve public health and longevity.” ~ Kim et. al

Why Did Researchers Perform This Study on Optimism?

pop quote

In the simplest terms, this research was conducted because mounting evidence suggests that lifestyle factors aren’t the only puzzle piece.

Though risk factors (alcoholism, poor diet, smoking) are indeed important, so is mental health and, more specifically, psychological well-being. Now, medical professionals want to know more about the relationship between a positive attitude (optimism) and life expectancy.

Some basics of the optimism study

Here are a few things you may want to know about the study’s methods:

– Data used for the research was derived from the Nurse’s Health Study, an extensive study conducted bi-annually to assess women’s health.

– 70,021 women were assessed over eight years.

– The Harvard study is the first to measure the direct relationship between optimism and health risk.

–  Severe medical conditions studied include cancer, heart disease, stroke, respiratory disease, and infection.

– Among the major health conditions studied, four are among the top five leading causes of death in the United States.

– Also studied was effect of “levels of optimism” on other mortality risks, including blood pressure, diet, and exercise.

What did they find?

The researchers found some promising stuff. Let’s dig in a little!

To keep things interesting, we’ll bullet point the study’s most important findings. In no particular order, here they are:

– Women ranking in the top quartile (25 percent) of “optimism levels” had a 30 percent lower risk of death across all major diseases.

– More specifically, the women had a 52 percent lower risk of death from infection; 39 percent lower risk of death from stroke; 38 percent lower risk of death from heart disease and respiratory disease; and a 16 percent lower risk of death from cancer.

– All of the abovementioned percentages remained steady; even when taking into account all high-risk factors!

– Positive optimism levels and health outcomes remained steady across self-reported risk factors. Among the reported conditions: high cholesterol, hypertension, type 2 diabetes, myocardial infection (heart attack), stroke, cancer, and body mass index.

optimism happy

What does this all mean?

Eric Lee, the study’s leading author, states “Our new findings suggest that we should make efforts to boost optimism, which has been shown to be associated with healthier behaviors and healthier ways of coping with life challenges.”

In short, Dr. Lee suggests that if you’re not a naturally positive person, it’s beneficial to become one. On the topic of “optimism conversion,” the study is clear: it is possible to be more positive!

“A common (illustration of) optimism versus pessimism is a glass with water at the halfway point, where the optimist is said to see the glass as half full and the pessimist sees the glass as half empty.” ~ Wikipedia

Not only is it possible to be more positive, the benefits of a more optimistic outlook extend far beyond side-stepping major health conditions.

A positive mindset proves in multiple studies to:

– maintain a healthy weight

– lower inflammation levels

– increase antioxidants

– strengthen the immune system

– clearer thinking and less “brain fog”

– healthier autonomic (involuntary) functions

Final Thoughts on Optimism

Though positive outlets are not in the study. But there are multiple ways to build a more optimistic mindset. To date, here are the best ways to do just that!

– Cultivate emotional intelligence: “the capacity to be aware of, control, and express one’s emotions…”

– Practice mindfulness: “the quality or state of being conscious or aware of the present moment.”

– Practice gratitude: “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciate for and return kindness.”

– Recite positive affirmations: “(self-directed) emotional support or encouragement,” e.g. “I am in control of my own health.”

Sources:
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/282929.php
https://academic.oup.com/aje/article-abstract/185/1/21/2631298/Optimism-and-Cause-Specific-Mortality-A?sid=7816bd15-60fd-491b-bd99-f2cd39646d10
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Optimism

9 Signs Of An Emotional Bully (And How To Stop Them)

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An emotional bully is not very different than a kid who physically shoves around smaller children on the playground. However, instead of using their hands as weapons, they choose abusive words.

Bullying is a distinctive pattern of harming and humiliating others,  specifically those who are in some way smaller, weaker, younger, or in any way more vulnerable than the bully.

Adults can be bullies, too

One of the most widespread misperceptions about bullying is that the behavior ceases – or is at best rendered irrelevant – when we reach adulthood. This mistaken viewpoint exists despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

A Nationally Known Emotional Bully

Look at the Harvey Weinstein case.

Weinstein is Miramax’s co-founder and former film executive, at one time a leading independent film motion picture and distribution company. Weinstein served as a co-director, director, and/or producer of movies such as Pulp Fiction, Shakespeare In Love, Reservoir Dogs, and Good Will Hunting.

Throughout his 20-plus year reign, Harvey Weinstein is alleged to have sexually-assaulted as many as 50 innocent women, though some speculate the number to be much higher.

Brit Marling, an alleged victim of Weinstein, wrote a compelling first-person essay piece for The Atlantic. In her piece, Marling describes the power of and influence of Weinstein at the time:

“Weinstein was a gatekeeper who could have actresses a career that would sustain their lives and the livelihood of their families. He could also give them fame, which is one of few ways for women to gain some semblance of power and voice inside a patriarchal world. They knew it. He knew it.”

Before Weinstein allegedly committed the crimes, he made it a point to demonstrate his power and influence over the actresses lives.

The women traumatized by Weinstein’s alleged criminal acts were emotionally bullied into submission.

In this article, we’re going to discuss nine common signs of emotional and psychological bullying – and, most importantly, how to stand your ground.

Emotional and psychological bullying serve as the focal points because both are often catalysts for other types of victimization – including physical, material, verbal, and covert harassment.

Here are 9 common signs of bullying (and how to deal with it)

1. Aggression

Adults will project their anger and insecurities onto others, including you, by using aggressive tactics. Aggression is in the bully’s DNA. It’s their persona. And they’ll use it to their advantage if allowed.

First, they’ll violate your personal space to “size you up.” Then they’ll push the boundaries further (unless they’re stopped).

2. Segregation

Overly-aggressive children often bully other kids by first attempting to segregate them from everyone else. Adult bullies operate similarly in this regard.

The workplace is an adult bully’s feeding grounds. They’ll try to persuade others to stay away from you. The adult bully may attempt to dissuade you from staying on with the company or team.

3. Blaming

When it comes to taking responsibility, grown bullies are (unsurprisingly) deficient. There is undoubtedly a narcissistic streak in adult bullies, and they’ll quickly and unabashedly pass the blame onto someone else.

They’ll also shun professional responsibilities, and create chaos in a team environment.

4. Smearing

As mentioned, bullies frequently operate “behind the scenes.” It should come as no surprise if you’re the target of behind-the-back insults.

Just don’t expect to talk some sense into the person. Bullies aren’t usually the most upfront characters.

Speaking of which, here’s number five.

bullying

5. Conflict Avoidance

Bullies do not have a courageous bone in their body. We can see this through bullies approach to conflict: running away or avoiding it.

Another way of observing their actual nature is standing up to them  – calling them out on their B.S. That tough exterior will evaporate quickly.

6. Instilling Fear

Fear is the bully’s ally. Fear helps them gain and uphold control.

The idea of intentionally instilling a sense of fear into innocent people is repulsive to the rational mind. Therein lies the problem: most bullies are impulsively reckless – exhibiting no evidence of rational thought.

7. Physical intimidation

Bullies whose modus operandi is more emotional than physical will rarely harm another person physically. However, they will violate personal space (see below) and leverage any advantages (size, build, etc.) to make the other feel inferior.

Men who prey on women use physical intimidation all the time.

8. Passive-aggressiveness

Because most bullies are essentially cowards, they’ll routinely avoid direct confrontation. Instead, they’ll opt for a more passive, indirect approach.

Emotional bullies who display passive-aggressive behaviors will often procrastinate, manipulate, pout, or gossip in hopes of inflicting harm.

9. Ignoring boundaries

Susan Biali, a medical doctor, writes about her experience with a bully in Psychology Today:

“I remember physically shaking in the face of it all (thankfully it was over email). My heart was pounding. I backed down immediately. I let them have their plans. It just wasn’t worth it to fight, not when something as mild as suggesting compromise provoked this intense a response.”

Whether in-person, by email, or through someone else, bullies prey on perceived weakness.

Dealing with emotional bullying

The ‘S-I-R’ method (Stand up, Ignore, Report) represents three easy-to-remember steps in dealing with emotional bullies:

1. Stand up for yourself

This first tip is crucial.

Standing up for yourself is a tried-and-true technique, as it gives the person some unexpected (read: shocking) pushback.

The emotional bully may not completely change, but the odds of them backing off are in your favor.

2. Ignore them

If this is your first go-round with the jerk, consider the simple (yet powerful) silent treatment.

If they keep it up, consider one of the other tips.

3. Report it

The majority of workplaces and schools do not tolerate bullying, especially given the recent public awareness campaigns. Companies and other civic organizations are being forced to reevaluate and revamp their internal policies.

Sources:
http://people.com/celebrity/harvey-weinstein-scandal-gallery/paz-de-la-huerta/

Science Explains What Happens To Your Soul After Death

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A few things fit the bill of fascinating, thought-provoking, and frightening. Death is one such thing.

Since the dawn of mankind, human beings have pondered the question “What happens after we die?” When you stop and think it, you quickly realize there are only two possible answers: something or nothing.

Of course, religion adds some nuance to the abovementioned question, but that’s pretty much it. Either something happens, or nothing happens. Either we are matter to be disposed of and recycled – or we aren’t.

Which one is it?

Well, if you were to ask Dr. Stuart Hameroff, something happens – and it involves consciousness.

“I believe that consciousness, or its immediate precursor proto-consciousness, has been in the universe all along, perhaps from the big bang.” ~ Dr. Stuart Hameroff, MD

Scientists Reveal What Happens To Your Soul After Death

What is consciousness?

The word ‘consciousness’ is defined by the Oxford English Dictionary as:

  • a state of being awake and aware of one’s surroundings.
  • the awareness of perception of something by a person.
  • the fact of awareness by the mind of itself and the world.

Predictably, consciousness – like death – is heavily debated. Some believe that consciousness is the direct result of brain activity. Others think that outside forces, e.g., the ‘Universe,’ ‘God’ – and internal elements, e.g., the ‘Spirit,’ ‘Lifeforce,’ ‘Mind,’ etc., contributes to our state of being.

spirituality

The Orch-OR Theory

Dr. Hameroff oversees the Center of Consciousness Studies at the University of Arizona and has spent the last 50-plus years exploring consciousness as it relates to the field of quantum mechanics.

Quantum mechanics is “a fundamental theory in physics which describes nature at the smallest scales of energy levels of atoms and subatomic particles.”

To explain just how essential quantum mechanics is to the perception of reality – and to Hameroff’s theory– let’s quickly talk about where it all began: The “Double-Slit Experiment.”

(We’ll get back to Orch-OR in a bit!)

The Double-Slit Experiment

Every quantum physicist is baffled by the double-slit experiment. And they have good reason to be –it defies natural law.

Here’s all you need to know about the experiment:

  • Light particles called photons pass through two slits (hence the name).
  • Photons, as researchers predict, form an ordered pattern on a wall. (To help you visualize this, imagine two vertical lines filled with little ‘pellet protons’ shooting onto a screen.)
  • When an observational device (a detector) detects which protons go through which slit, no pattern emerges (no more vertically-aligned pellet protons).
  • In other words, human observation (via a technical apparatus) alters the pattern.
  • The predicted energy pattern, as should be decided by natural law, instead produces no pattern whatsoever.

Anil Ananthaswamy of New Scientist – in a piece called “Classic quantum experiment could conceal theory of everything” explains the experiment and potential ramifications:

“Our classical view of the world suggests that photons of light should pass through one slit or the other, and thus create two parallel bands on the screen behind. But instead, the light spreads out onto alternating bands of light and dark … (the) iconic physics experiment may be hiding more than we ever realized about the nature of reality.”

“Quantum Consciousness”

What do the human mind and the Universe have in common?

The answer: two things.

(1) We know relatively little about them.

(2) Quantum vibrations are found in both.

Read that again. It’s important.

While the phrase “correlation does not imply causation” is played on a loop within the scientific community (for a good reason, BTW), there is no denying the relationship between the human mind and universe.

But what is that relationship, exactly?

Back to ‘Orch-OR’

In 1996, Dr. Hameroff and Roger Penrose, mathematician, and physicist, proposed the orchestrated objective reduction theory of consciousness, or the ‘Orch-OR’ theory.

According the Orch-OR theory, consciousness derives itself from tiny protein structures within the brain called microtubules.

On a physiological level, microtubules are the cell’s “conveyor belts.”  They transport cellular resources and materials. Microtubules are also involved in cell division and the structuring of cells.

Microtubules also contain quantum energy.

“The origin of consciousness reflects our place in the universe, the nature of our existence. Did consciousness evolve from complex computations among brain neurons, as most scientists assert? Or has consciousness, in some sense, been here all along, as spiritual approaches maintain?”

Hameroff and Penrose answer their own rhetorical question:

“… our theory accommodates both these views, suggesting consciousness derives from quantum vibrations in microtubules, protein polymers inside brain neurons, which both govern neuronal and synaptic function, and connect brain processes to self-organizing processes in the fine scale, ‘proto-conscious’ quantum structure of reality.”

Bear in mind that the duo published their findings over twenty years ago. Since then, numerous technological advances (e.g., brain imaging and observational apparatuses) have taken place which appears to support Hameroff and Penrose’s theory.

Arch-OR and Death

The law of conservation of energy, resoundingly accepted by scientists, states that “energy can neither be created nor destroyed.”

Energy, however, can change forms. The energy within us must change forms. It’s the ‘law.’

death

Final Thoughts on Death and Quantum Energy

Quantum energy, the intrinsic energy that forms the universe’s very fabric, also resides within us. Indeed, it underscores our deep-rooted connections with the cosmos. This profound realization begs the question: Are we, as sentient beings, the direct manifestations of the Universe itself? Scientists continue to dive into our understanding of mortality through the lens of quantum energy. Thus, their research illuminates our existence’s potential vastness beyond the conventional constraints of life and death.

Do we ‘go home’ after shedding our bodily form, as Hamerof and Penrose seem to suggest? It certainly seems to be food for thought!

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