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Counselors Explain 12 Healthy Social Media Habits for Teenagers

April 13, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

Social media plays a central role in our lives and the lives of teens. Teenagers spend more time scrolling through their news feed and reacting to their friends’ posts. While it seems like a negative part of their life, it can be great if they implement some healthy social media habits.

Teenagers need socialization, and connecting with their peers gives them a sense of self. They turn to YouTube, Discord, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok, and other platforms to socialize with peers and express themselves. You can prevent the development of addictive habits by teaching them to prioritize their well-being.

While there are negative aspects to social media, there can be benefits instead. Social media isn’t going away, so the only thing to do is learn about healthy social media habits for teenagers. If you understand healthy habits, you can teach teenagers to practice them, making their experience beneficial.

The Benefits of Social Media

You might be surprised to learn there are many positive aspects to social media. With all of the news about scary things that happen online, it’s hard to see past it. However, these benefits of social media might help you see things differently.

Social media allows teenagers to:

Gather information and news
Stay connected to people in your life
Express themselves artistically and creatively
Find humor
Learn something new
Gain inspiration
Feel connected to the world around them
Experiment with identity
Share their opinions
Find entertainment

Twelve Healthy Social Media Habits for Teenagers

Healthy Social Media Habit #1 – Be Mindful and Use Social Media for Good

Social media connects teenagers to their friends and family, providing a powerful tool for sharing goodness. It also gives them a platform for doing and promoting good in the world around them.

If your teen isn’t sure what it means to use social media for good, spend time brainstorming with them. Come up with ideas together for using the internet positively. Talk about raising awareness on important issues, spreading positive messages, or highlighting their work.

When using social media for good, teenagers should also avoid negative self-talk. It’s easy to compare yourself to other people on the internet, but it causes negativity. Teach teenagers to be mindful of their thoughts as they scroll through their social media feeds.

Healthy Social Media Habit #2 – Talk Openly About Social Media

When you talk openly about social media, it creates a safe space for your teenager. They’ll feel comfortable sharing their struggles and celebrations that occur online. It also encourages them to talk to you when they need an outlet away from their online connections.

Start the discussion by asking which social media apps your teenagers are using. As your teen explains each one, ask questions but avoid sounding judgmental. You don’t want your teen to feel like they can’t openly and comfortably talk to you about these things.

Don’t freak out or say anything harsh if you disagree with their online activity. You don’t want teenagers to start hiding their posts or concealing which apps they’re on. There’s a fine line between talking openly and offering a lecture, and you should always avoid the latter.

Healthy Social Media Habit #3 – Spend Time with Real-life Friends

Social media is great for staying in contact with long-distance friends and family. However, it shouldn’t be the only form of socialization teenagers participate in. A healthy social media habit is to use platforms as an extra tool for nurturing real-life friendships.

Teenagers should still have an interpersonal connection with the people they’re closest to. If in-person conversations aren’t possible, teens should aim to include phone calls, video chats, and text messages in their daily lives.

Healthy Social Media Habit #4 – Fact Check Any News That Comes Across Social Media

It’s crucial to teach teenagers that what they read on social media isn’t always true. If they make it a habit to fact-check everything they read, they’ll develop essential skills. They’ll be able to differentiate between reliable and unreliable resources, helping them understand which things are real.

Fact-checking helps them keep their guard up when socializing online. Even famous people share misinformation sometimes, so it’s essential to teach teenagers and help them develop healthy habits.

Healthy Social Media Habit #5 – Don’t Use It as a Way to Cope

Many people, including adults, use social media as a coping mechanism. They turn to technology for comfort, but it only deepens negative feelings long-term. Instead, teenagers should recognize that being active, spending time with real-life friends, or expressing creativity are more beneficial coping techniques.

If teenagers know positive coping mechanisms, they’re less likely to use social media as a way to cope. It helps them develop healthy social media habits as they know when to disconnect.

Healthy Social Media Habit #6 – Separate Smartphones and Schoolwork

If someone wants to look at their phone, they won’t be able to focus on anything else for long. Teenagers should make a habit of leaving their phones in another room when doing schoolwork. Keeping it out of reach prevents distractions from wanting to scroll through social media as often.

If your teenager is safe at home, there’s no reason they need to be attached to their phone. Please encourage them to leave it sometimes, allowing them to focus on and process their schoolwork without distraction.

Healthy Social Media Habit #7 – Be Picky About What and Who They Follow

Many people don’t realize they can curate their feed. Curating is when they control what they see and hear on social media. When choosing what will appear in their feed, teens can ask themselves the following questions:

Does it make me feel bad about myself?
Is it giving me a negative perspective on the world around me?
Does it add drama or stress to my life?

Teenagers with healthy social media habits will unfollow people or pages that cause these situations and feelings. They’ll focus on filling their platforms will positivity and joy.

Healthy Social Media Habit #8 – Don’t Post Anything Without Thinking About It First

Teenagers should know to think about what they post before making it public. People often overshare online, leading to humiliation, cyberbullying, and other traumatic situations. Teach your teenager to consider whether their post is accurate, kind, or helpful.

Please encourage them to post only things they would be comfortable saying in public. Their post should also make them feel good about themselves and not cause anxiety for days to come. If it could cause any of these problems, it’s best to resist sharing it.

Healthy Social Media Habit #9 – Avoid Scrolling Before Bed

Many teenagers like to check their social media feeds before going to bed at night, but it’s a bad habit to practice. The blue light from electronic devices negatively impacts their sleep quality.

If they don’t get enough sleep, they can’t regulate their mood the next day. Avoiding social media before bed can make a difference in how much quality sleep they get each night.

Healthy Social Media Habit #10 – Set Time Limits and Take Frequent Breaks

Teenagers sometimes struggle to put their phones down and connect with the world around them. Enforcing time limits and frequent breaks makes them less susceptible to distraction.

If it helps, teach them to set their phone to “do not disturb” for a few hours each day. Then, their phone won’t vibrate or make noise during their social media break.

Encourage them to take breaks while leaving their phone behind, too. Studies show that those who spend less time on social media have a more positive mindset, making it essential to their well-being.

Additionally, if a teen notices that social media makes them anxious or depressed, they should take a break from it. They don’t have to sign in every day if it isn’t good for their mental health.

Healthy Social Media Habit #11 – Set and Enforce Personal Boundaries

Research shows that anxiety and depression eased when people spent less time online. Encourage teens to limit their time on social media by setting time limits and creating no-phone zones in your home. Consider making the dining room a place where phones aren’t allowed to encourage more familial bonding.

You can also teach teenagers to be intentional when using social media. If they have a reason for logging in, they’ll be more likely to stick to their boundaries. They’ll also be more aware of the type of material they’re seeing and hearing.

Healthy Social Media Habit #12 – Living in the Moment

If teenagers can live in the moment, they’ll create more lifelong memories. They won’t miss out on experiences and opportunities, and they’ll form strong bonds with the people in their life.

Teach teenagers that they don’t always have to have the perfect photo to share. Instead, they should put their phone down and live fully in the moment.

How Adults Can Teach Teenagers to Stay Safe Online

If you want to encourage your teenagers to develop and maintain healthy social media habits, you must model the behavior. Implement healthy behaviors yourself, and avoid using your phone in ways you teach them not to. Your teenagers learn so much from watching you, so set the example you want them to follow.

Final Thoughts on the Research That Shows How to Preserve the Mental Health of Teens in an Online World

These healthy social media habits for teenagers can make all the difference in their lives. It’ll help them focus on the essential things, including schoolwork and real-life relationships. Practicing good habits also improves their mental health and overall well-being.

Remember to model positive habits for your teenagers, giving them a good role model to look up to. You can’t control everything your teen does online, but you can teach them to be safe and respect themselves and others.

Beat Chronic Digestive Issues With This 4-Step Breathing Method

April 13, 2022 by Kristen Lawrence

Believe it or not, many of us have forgotten how to breathe in the modern world, and this can cause chronic digestive issues. Breathing and digestion are more interconnected than you might think. When you’re stressed out, you tend to take short, shallow breaths, raising your cortisol levels.

In turn, this triggers an inflammatory response in your gut, causing symptoms such as constipation, diarrhea, indigestion, abdominal pain, and nausea. In some severe cases, decreased blood flow and oxygen generated by high cortisol can lead to IBS, ulcers, or acid reflux.

Connecting Chronic Digestive Issues to the Brain

Since the brain and digestive system communicate almost constantly, it’s easy to see why stress would impact gut health. Many scientists refer to the gut as our “second brain” since it contains more neurons than the spinal cord and peripheral nervous system.

Containing a whopping 100 million neurons, our second brain controls digestive behavior and carries information to our “other brain” via the vagus nerve. The gut uses more than 30 neurotransmitters and houses 95% of the body’s serotonin. As such, our emotions impact both our digestive system and mental health in profound ways.

As mounting evidence shows, eating a balanced diet and exercising will improve mental and physical health. However, sometimes that isn’t enough on its own to eliminate stress and anxiety. We need an arsenal of resources available to heal our minds, bodies, and souls in our modern world. Below, we’ll show you how a simple breathing technique can improve your digestive health and calm your brain.

Beat Chronic Digestive Issues With This 4-Step Breathing Method

Before learning the breathing technique, you must reconnect with your mind and body. The first three steps will show you how to calm any mental restlessness and tune into your intuition. By doing this, better breathing will come naturally.

1 – Listen to your feelings.

Our modern world isn’t very conducive to emotional or mental healing, quite honestly. Profits and productivity often come before overall wellness, and we’re paying a steep price. We’re suffering from numerous diseases of modernity, in large part because of unrealistic expectations and sedentary living. These stresses take a toll on our mental and physical health, so much so that we forget our intuition entirely.

The modern world disconnects us from our spirits, but that doesn’t mean we can’t become in tune with them again. For a few minutes a day, check-in with yourself and see how you’re feeling. No matter what emotions arise, don’t fight them. Breathe through them and remind yourself that you’re worthy and safe.

Breathing through the feelings rather than running from them enhances our resilience and inner fire. Just remember that you’re a human being, and emotions don’t make you weak. The modern world may have you believe otherwise, but your inner self knows best. Getting back in touch with your emotional side can help you heal any chronic digestive issues.

2 – Tune into your body.

After checking in with your mental health, now it’s time to heal your relationship with the body. We’re far too sedentary in modern life, which explains much of the health crises we’re facing. Our bodies were designed for near-constant activity so that we wouldn’t pay much attention to our thoughts. In this world, however, it’s reversed; our bodies are stationary while our minds are restless, which can cause chronic digestive issues and other disorders.

Even if you have a desk job, you can still keep physically active. Before or after work, engage in some activity you enjoy. Go for a run or walk, dance, stretch, or do yoga. If you make the exercise a part of your routine and don’t view it as a chore, your body will heal naturally. The key to choosing an activity that doesn’t feel like a bootcamp. Please don’t torture yourself with it; be one with it.

3 – Accept any feelings that arise.

Many emotions will probably crop up after you’ve tuned into your mental and physical health. Some people even cry or feel an intense release after working out, likely due to endorphins. Whatever arises, sit with it and accept it. Remember that what you resist persists, so never fight your natural emotions. Our feelings aren’t permanent, anyway, so if we can learn to observe them, they will dissipate on their own.

4 – Now, breathe.

You may ask, “Well, how should I breathe?” This is a good question because many people breathe incorrectly, which only exacerbates anxiety and stress. For starters, you should only breathe through your nose, not your mouth. When you breathe through your mouth, the breath gets trapped in your upper chest and can induce anxiety. Breathing through your nose, however, allows the breath to travel to your diaphragm and activate the parasympathetic nervous system. Relaxing the body will help alleviate any chronic digestive issues and tension.

Breathing through the nose also lowers inflammation, improves oxygen levels, and relaxes the body for sleep.

You can also try a yogic breathing exercise called alternate nostril breathing. This helps balance the mind, regulate the breath and relax the nervous system. To do this, cover your right nostril with your thumb, close your eyes, and inhale through your left nostril. Exhale through the left nostril, release your thumb and cover your left nostril with your ring finger. Repeat on the right nostril, performing five to nine rounds of alternate breathing.

It’s best to perform this breathing exercise in the morning, so you’re refreshed and balanced for the day ahead. However, you can always tune into your breath throughout the day and make adjustments as necessary. No matter what you’re doing, breathe slowly and deeply. Remember, nature doesn’t rush but seems to accomplish everything nonetheless.

Final Thoughts on Healing Chronic Digestive Issues Through Breathing Techniques

Who would’ve thought that just remembering to breathe could heal chronic digestive issues? It’s incredible how turning inward and honoring our feelings can lead to profound healing on many levels. Breathing slowly through the nose can realign the mind and body, allowing us to feel recharged and relaxed.

The modern way of life may not honor the human spirit, but that doesn’t mean we can’t take our power back. This simple healing technique can help you overcome chronic digestive issues, stress, or anything else causing you discomfort. May all beings be free from suffering.

14 Relationship Myths You Need to Let Go

April 13, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

There are myths surrounding every topic in existence, including relationship myths. These myths are misguided, but many accept them as truth and pass the false wisdom to others. You can understand how relationships work when you let go of the relationship myths.

While you might think relationship myths are innocent enough, they can cause damage to healthy relationships. The idealizing misconceptions don’t match real life, forcing people to think of impossible ideals.

Fourteen Relationship Myths to Let Go of Immediately

These relationship myths are easily disproven, allowing you to recognize the truth. This knowledge can help you identify and correct misconceptions to improve your relationships.

1. Relationships Shouldn’t Have Conflict (one of the most common relationship myths!)

This myth can cause many issues in your relationships. Every relationship has conflict, even when people communicate well. People are constantly changing and growing, and sometimes challenging each other’s thoughts is necessary.

Instead of thinking of conflict as a sign of a failed relationship, view it as a natural aspect. When a dispute arises, make sure you practice good resolution skills to get through it. Focus on listening to your partner, respecting their opinion, and adjusting to changes.

Conflict and disagreement are healthy in a relationship because you shouldn’t always agree on everything. Plus, you should both feel comfortable enough to discuss things with one another and speak up. You’re good to go as long as there is a healthy balance between conflict and happiness.

2. Milestones Should Occur on a Specific Timeline

Every relationship is different, and there’s no set timeline for when things should happen. People can be together for decades without getting married, whereas others get married soon after dating.

There is no standard timeline that couples must follow. Do things at the pace you and your partner are comfortable with, and ignore outside pressure. When you’re falling in love, you don’t have to get engaged, move in together, or have kids at a certain age, despite what other people might tell you.

3. Both Partners Must Have the Same Priorities

Many people believe that couples must want the same things at every moment. They think that partners should prioritize the same aspects of life equally. However, waiting for someone with your priorities could be impossible.

While having a similar idea for the future is essential, you don’t have to do the same things as your partner. You’re an individual and don’t have to change your goals to align with someone else’s.

You and your partner should have differences, so don’t buy into this relationship myth. Continue doing the things you enjoy and chasing your goals, and allow your partner to do the same.

4. Your Partner Should Fulfill All Your Needs

No one can fulfill all of your needs because that is essentially up to you. A partner can’t cure every issue and satisfy your desire; you shouldn’t ask them to. Your partner doesn’t even have to meet every one of your expectations.

No one is perfect, and expecting your partner to be perfect puts a lot of pressure on your relationship. You must meet most of your needs alone and turn to friends and family for help with other areas. Your partner will be there to help you along the way but don’t expect them to fulfill all of your needs.

Expecting your partner to fulfill your needs can hinder the growth of your relationship. Instead, look for ways to bring happiness without relying on anyone else to do it for you. When you take control, you’ll no longer feel like it’s your partner’s fault when you’re unhappy.

5. Romantic Partners Should Think the Same and Have the Same Opinions (almost impossible to achieve relationship myth)

Relationships are about compromise from both partners. No two people think the same, and they’ll each have opinions and preferences. Rather than feeling the same and wanting all the same things, partners must learn to respect and embrace differences.

Recognizing your similarities and differences can help you take the best path for your relationship. Sometimes, you’ll have to disagree respectfully, but that doesn’t mean your relationship isn’t great.

6. Your Partner Should Make You Feel Whole

Don’t look for a romantic partner who will make you feel complete. Relationships aren’t meant to help you feel whole; you should feel that way alone. You are enough as you are, and you are already complete.

Your partner will make you feel better when things get hard, but that doesn’t mean they make you whole. Work on yourself rather than searching for another person to bring peace to your soul.

7. You Should Always Feel a Spark in Your Relationship

At the beginning of a relationship, you feel a spark whenever you think of your partner. As time passes, the spark usually fades until you no longer recognize it. The initial spark turns into love and affection as you develop deeper feelings for someone.

You can do things to reignite the spark, but you’ll always have to work at it. Love changes and develops as the relationship progresses and you grow. The spark won’t always be alive, a regular part of a healthy relationship.

8. Perfect Relationships Don’t Involve Competition

Competition adds excitement to relationships, and a little challenge is always beneficial. People in healthy relationships love to challenge each other. However, the losing partner should still be happy because they also like to see their significant other succeed.

Couples in healthy relationships challenge one another so that they can expand one another’s limitations and awareness. Competition can strengthen the bond and highlight each partner’s qualities. Make sure to keep the rules fair, though, or it isn’t equal competition.

9. You Must Always Put Your Relationship First (this relationship myth impairs your flexibility in life)

While your relationship should be a priority, it doesn’t always have to come before other things. Relationships require flexibility, with both partners understanding that there must be a balance between romance, personal needs, career requirements, family time, and spirituality.

Sometimes you must put something else before spending time with your significant other, and it’s beneficial to do so. When you prioritize growth in all areas of your life, it won’t hurt your relationship if it’s healthy.

10. Your Feelings Won’t Change

Feelings change no matter what the situation is. The change doesn’t mean you won’t love your partner anymore, but things might feel different.

However, there might be times when you don’t feel in love and feel yourself pulling away. Other times, you’ll experience intense emotions reminding you of how in love you are.

These changes are expected in a relationship, and you can get through them. The only thing that matters is continuing to express love to your partner until you feel like you’re in love again.

11. Soulmates Aren’t a Real Thing (you probably already knew this relationship myth!)

Many people believe in soulmates, but there isn’t only one person for you. You have many potential partners, and it’s up to you to decide who you want to have a happy relationship with. Believing in soulmates causes unrealistic expectations and can cause anxiety.

12. There Is No Such Thing as a Perfect Relationship

Many people form the basis for their idea of relationships from childhood. They also gather ideas of a perfect relationship from movies and social media.

These ideas are misleading because no relationship is perfect. Good relationships take work every day, and both partners must make an effort. When you think that relationships should be excellent, it causes constant disappointment and feelings of failure.

13. Taking a Big Step Will Fix Relationship Issues

Couples go through hard times in their relationship, but some experiences get rockier than others. Some people believe that taking a big relationship step will fix issues within the relationship. They think having a baby or getting married will make everything better.

However, planning a wedding and having a baby are both stressful experiences. These steps won’t erase your problems and might even worsen the situation.

Work on overcoming relationship issues before making a life-changing decision about your relationship. Save these exciting steps for when your relationship is going well so that you can tackle it together.

14. When You’re in Love, You Aren’t Attracted to Anyone Else

Being in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you won’t be attracted to anyone else. Attraction is human nature, so don’t feel bad if it happens sometimes. However, taking the attraction to another level and damaging trust within your relationship is never okay.

Final Thoughts on Relationship Myths You Need to Let Go

You’ve probably heard at least a few of these relationship myths. Relationships aren’t perfect, and things get tricky sometimes. Don’t let these myths give you a false idea of what your romance should look like.

As your romance develops, remember these relationship myths and remember that love takes work. It won’t always be easy, but communication and respect can make a difference.

14 Quotes That Reassure You…It’s OK to Be a Hot Mess

April 12, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

Life isn’t always perfect, and you don’t have to pretend it is. It’s fine to be a hot mess and not have it all together all of the time. Your house might be messy, and your hair might be a complete mess, but that’s okay because your life doesn’t have to look like the pictures in magazines.

No one has a perfect life, even if they make it look that way on social media. Other people might pretend to have it all together, but you’ll get more out of admitting you’re imperfect. There’s no need to be a perfectionist when you know it’s okay not to have it all together.

When you are true to who you are and not afraid to show your real life, it’s an act of bravery. Many people hide their flaws, insecurities, and life problems. By handling things without shielding your flaws from everyone else, you empower others and let them know it’s okay to be a hot mess.

You might have a sink full of dishes, a stain on your shirt, or a messy head of hair. Even still, it’s okay, and the people who matter will appreciate that you aren’t afraid of showing your real life. Everyone is a mess in their way, and hiding it will only make you feel worse.

The Benefits of Being a Hot Mess

Life is unpredictable and intense situations happen all of the time. Emotional experiences happen, and things get hectic and overwhelming sometimes. Embrace those times, even if you wish things could be better, because it’s okay.

You don’t always have to have it all together, and these quotes can quickly reassure you. Imperfection is a part of life, and embracing your imperfections will lead you to others who are true to themselves, too. You can find people who have imperfect lives with dirty laundry and dishes or toys strewn around.

These are the people you can be yourself, sharing laughter, tears, and stories along the way. When you offer your true self to others, it allows them to be honest in return. You’ll form deeper relationships and influence others positively as you find the people who best fit into your life.

Quotes That Reassure You That It Is Okay to Be a Hot Mess.

“Those who are at times described as being a ‘hot mess’ or having ‘too many issues’ are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.” – Anthon St. Maarten

If you cry easily or often feel like you fall apart when issues occur, it’s okay. These characteristics show how caring you are and can produce the same effect on others. Show other people the real you, even if it’s a hot mess, so that the world can see what humanity looks like.

“Life isn’t meant to be lived perfectly…but merely to be lived. Boldly, wildly, beautifully, uncertainly, imperfectly, magically lived.” – Mandy Hale

Life wouldn’t be exciting if everything was perfect and went the way you wanted it to go. When things aren’t perfect, there’s a chance for magic and beauty that you wouldn’t have experienced otherwise.

“I always find beauty in things that are odd and imperfect – they are much more interesting.” – Marc Jacobs

Being a hot mess allows you to keep things interesting and exciting. If you were always perfect, everyone would know what to expect, and you would never have any surprises, either.

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” – Marilyn Monroe

If you always tried to hide your flaws, things would get boring quickly. Having to hide things means you can never let your guard down and get to know anyone. Plus, it forces you to miss out on opportunities and experiences out of fear of not looking perfect.

“You were born to be real not to be perfect. You are here to be you, not to live someone else’s life.” – Ralph Marston

It’s okay if you aren’t like someone else. You must be your person and show your true qualities and characteristics. If you feel like you’re imperfect compared to others, it is because they’re hiding their imperfections.

“The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.” – Doctor Who

Throughout your life, you’ll experience positive and negative situations. Not everything is perfect, and life is still a great adventure. When things get hard, remember this quote for reassurance that it’s okay to be imperfect.

“I think even a hero is someone who has sort of the flaw or imperfection of character.” – Hector Tobar

Even the person everyone else looks up to isn’t perfect. Everyone has flaws, and sometimes they’re a hot mess. No one is exempt from feeling like everything is out of control sometimes, either, but it all falls into place.

“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.” – Steve Maraboli

People often think they must hide their flaws, but that isn’t true. Be true to yourself, and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for who you are. By being comfortable with who you are, you’ll be more beautiful than if you’d tried to hide every imperfection.

“I think that’s the most beautiful thing about being confident – just loving yourself, not caring what everybody else thinks.” – Joanna Krupa

When you’re confident in yourself, you’ll love who you are without worrying about what other people think. Then, you’ll embrace your chaotic days and work through things in your way. You don’t have to have a life like anyone else, and the only opinion that matters is yours.

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously, that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case you fail by default.” – J.K. Rowling

As long as you’re trying and learning, you’ll fail. As Rowling explains, you will fail as long as you try to live a meaningful life. However, failing is better than not doing anything in life.

Embrace your chaos, mistakes, and flaws because it shows that you are trying. If you never fail, you aren’t truly living a fulfilling life anyway.

“I realized that I don’t have to be perfect. All I have to do is show up and enjoy the messy, imperfect, and beautiful journey of my life.” – Kerry Washington

As long as you show up each day and keep trying, it’s okay when things don’t go as planned. You can be a hot mess and still enjoy the beauty all around you. It’s best to give your all and not be perfect than not to try at all.

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” – Anna Quindlen

While it’s hard to give up on the idea of perfection, it’s well worth the switch. When you let go of the concept of perfection, as Quindlen suggests, you can improve who you are while enjoying life. It’s okay to be imperfect, and it’s okay not to have everything figured out right now.

Embrace the season of life that you’re in right now and keep moving forward. Everything else seems to fall into place when you let go of insecurity and love yourself for who you are.

“All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make, the better.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

When you’re learning and developing in life, you’re experimenting with different methods. As you grow and improve, you change your ways, and things seem to go better.

However, as with any learning process, you might be a hot mess from time to time. Even if you are a hot mess all of the time, it’s okay. It shows that you’re continually experimenting and becoming a better version of yourself all the time.

“In three words, I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on.” – Robert Frost

No one is perfect, but things turn out for the best anyway. Anytime you feel like your mistakes or imperfections are too much, remember these words of wisdom. Life goes on no matter what, whether you’re perfect or a hot mess.

Final Thoughts on Quotes That Reassure You That Being a Hot Mess Is Typical

Life isn’t perfect for everyone, and you don’t have to hide your imperfections. Embrace yourself for who you are and love your life how it is right now. You can strive to do better while still finding joy in your daily life.

You don’t have to be perfect, and you’ll get much more out of your life if you know that it’s okay to be a hot mess. Not only will you feel better about who you are, but you’ll attract other people who aren’t afraid to show their flaws.

Remember these quotes as you go through each day to help you find peace in every situation. You can mess up, make mistakes, struggle, or have bad days and still live a great life. These quotes will reassure you every step of the way.

13 Stages of Parenting the Experts Forgot to Tell You About

April 12, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

Parenting is an adventure, with many unexpected situations along the way. Whether you just found out about your pregnancy or have a teenager in the home, the surprises never stop. Reading parenting books is a good start, but they don’t detail all the stages of parenting.

The parenting journey is full of joy and wonder, but no one can prepare for everything. You’ll get lots of advice, even when you don’t want it, but you will still be surprised sometimes. Your children constantly evolve, and your parenting techniques will have to change, too.

Every time your child changes, you’ll enter a new stage of parenting. It might seem like every time you get used to one step, the next one quickly follows. No one knows what they’re getting into when they become a parent, but having as much information as possible can help.

Thirteen Stages of Parenting the Experts Forgot to Tell You About

These stages of parenting that the experts forgot to tell you about might come as a surprise. You may have heard of some of the steps but not quite know what to expect. The information provided here can help you understand what might be coming and how to get through it.

1. Not Seeing Your Child Who Lives at Home

There might come a time when you have a child who still lives at home, but you never see them. This situation typically occurs with young adults trying out their taste of independence and freedom. It could also happen with older teenagers with busy schedules.

Your child might not notice that they never see you and might not mind the personal space. You will notice it every single day, though, and it’s a stage no one prepares you for.

2. Feeling Like You Don’t Recognize Your Child

When your child goes through changes like puberty, you might feel like you don’t recognize them. They may become withdrawn, angry, confused, or emotional. Plus, they likely won’t want to spend as much time curled up with you anymore.

This stage is one of the hardest because the child you love dearly is now entirely different. You’ll get through it, but it helps to know about the situation ahead of time.

3. Friendship Problems and Drama

The drama between friends starts at an earlier age than you might expect. By middle school, your child likely has had their fair share of friendship problems. Your child might often cry during this time in their life, leaving you feeling helpless when you desperately want to help.

4. Toddler Temper Tantrums Are One of the Most Draining Stages of Parenting

You likely know about toddler temper tantrums well before you reach that stage. However, you might not prepare for the possibility of intense tantrums that don’t seem to end.

Some toddlers cry more than others, and they might become so frustrated and overwhelmed that it escalates. When this happens to toddlers, they might throw things or hit. This stage doesn’t happen for everyone, but it is often unexpected and comes as a surprise.

5. The Guilt of Having Another Child

Many people don’t know about the stage where they feel guilty for having another child. The parenting guilt can set in for many reasons, including spending less time with your older child. You’ll also feel guilt for not dedicating all your time to the new baby.

This stage of parenting is worse when your older child makes it clear they miss the old days. They might give you a look while you care for the new baby that tells you everything they want you to know. Other times, they will be vocal about their negative feelings surrounding the situation.

You’ll still feel guilty even if your child doesn’t tell you or indicate that they don’t love the situation. Any change in your child’s life will bring feelings of guilt and nostalgia for you. Don’t worry because you’ll find routines that make everyone forget the baby wasn’t there before.

6. Feeling Like a Failure

No matter how much you prepare for parenting, you’ll sometimes feel like a failure. You’ll never feel like you did everything perfectly and’ll likely always question some of your choices. However, remind yourself that you’re doing your best, and it is more than enough.

This stage will follow you throughout your life. Every time your child changes, you start the learning process over again.

7. Your Child Stops Believing You in Some Stages of Parenting

The most magical ones are the early years of parenting when your child believes in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, and the Easter bunny. However, there comes a time when your child stops believing in these ideas. Even though you know it’s coming eventually, nothing prepares you for how you’ll feel when the time comes.

You’ll feel sad and nostalgic, and it will feel like holidays lost some of their magic. These feelings occur when you realize that an unforgettable phase of childhood is over. You can still make the experiences memorable by starting new traditions with your children.

8. You Can’t Make Plans

When you have younger children, it’s nearly impossible to make plans. You might think you have everything all worked out, and then one thing changes, and the plans fall apart. This stage is challenging because everyone assumes they’ll still live a life like before they had kids.

Going along with making plans, you likely had all sorts of ideas about how you would parent. Before you have kids, it’s easy to say you’ll do everything perfectly and that your child will always look good. Then, you get thrown into parenting, and suddenly all the plans you had are gone.

9. You Learn from Your Kids in Almost All Stages of Parenting if You Know How to Pay Attention

As much as you teach your child, you might not realize they teach you, too. You can learn about who your child is, encouraging them to develop in the way that suits them best.

Additionally, your child will teach you to value people for who they are instead of wanting them to conform. Your child teaches you how to parent them, and you have to be open to learning from them.

10. The Singing and Dancing Stage

Before you have kids, you might swear you’ll never sing and dance to kids’ music. However, you’ll quickly realize that you have no choice in this stage of parenting. Those kid songs are catchy; you’ll learn that dancing to the music encourages your child to do the same.

Parenthood involves doing many things you never thought you’d do, and you’ll happily do it for your child. You’ll start singing and dancing even when no music is on, making daily tasks more fun.

You’ll find yourself singing as you bathe your baby, cook dinner for the family, or clean the house. You might even change the words to popular songs to put your child’s name in it or make it apply to your current parenting situation.

11. Trial and Error

No one prepares you for trial and error involved in parenting. From the early days of learning about diapers to the later years of deciding on fair punishments, you’ll have to test things out.

With diapers, you’ll find that not all diapers fit the same or work for your baby. Some babies will leak through a specific brand of diapers, while others do great with that kind. As you can see, the trial-and-error stage of parenting begins right away.

Once you’ve figured out the best diapers to use for your child, you’ll move on to the subsequent trial-and-error situation. Every child is different, so what works for one child might not work for another. Strategies that worked on your older children might need to change for your younger ones.

Don’t be afraid to change how you do things when you realize it’s not working well. The learning process requires trying things out to see what works. Don’t be afraid to seek other options as you work through this stage.

12. You Stop Caring How You Look During the Busiest Stages of Parenting

There comes a time during the parenting adventure when you stop caring how you look. Being a parent is a busy time, and taking as much time getting ready as you used to isn’t always possible. This stage comes as a shock to many, but it’ll pass.

13. Changing Friends

One stage of parenting that takes adjustment is when you experience a change in your friend group. You’ll lose some old friends but become friends with new people.

Before you know it, you’ll meet new parents and make friends. You’ll realize that you make friends at the park or library and feel connected to other mothers you see in public.

Final Thoughts on Stages of Parenting the Experts Forgot to Tell You About

While you might have heard many things about parenting, there are always situations you aren’t prepared for. Experts don’t tell you everything and other moms might forget to mention it. It’s easy to assume that parents know what they’re getting into, but it’s not usually the case.

As your life changes, you’ll go through many stages of parenting. Once you get used to one step, you’ll be on to the next, resulting in constant change. Know that you aren’t alone in this situation and’ll get through even the most challenging times.

12 Ways to See the World with the Awe of a Child

April 12, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

As a child, the world seems like a magical place full of wonder. When you become an adult, the awe you experienced as a child doesn’t seem to exist anymore. If you want the incredible feelings from childhood to return, there are some things you can do to help you see the world differently.

Awe is the feeling you experience when something wonderful or seemingly magical occurs. Viewing the world positively and embracing each moment joyfully can help keep it alive. You don’t have to be a child to experience the sensation, although it does fade as you get old.

Awe is hard to describe, but you know the feeling when you experience it. It is a sensation or emotion when you sense you’re a part of something much larger than yourself. You feel connected to the world and develop a sense of wonder.

The awe of a child fades because you stop looking at things with a fresh mindset. You already have ideas and expectations, and you might not embrace the happy times like you used to. If you can shift your thoughts, you’re sure to tap into your inner child.

The Benefits of Seeing the World with the Awe of a Child

Awe isn’t only beneficial for bringing joy to your life, although that is one significant aspect. Other benefits include helping you be more curious, collaborative, humble, creative, and selfless. You’ll experience a sense of mystery and wonder while feeling hopeful for the future.

You’ll be less judgmental of yourself and others, and you won’t be as egotistical. It also has calming effects and promotes a greater sense of life satisfaction. Plus, this sense of wonder reduces inflammation, decreasing your risk of developing heart disease, autoimmune disorders, and cognitive degeneration.

Another benefit of seeing the world through the eyes of a child is that you don’t have to go far. You might think you must travel far and see the world’s natural wonders, but that’s not entirely true. Sure, those things can bring the feeling, but so can your surroundings, wherever you are.

How to See the World with the Awe of a Child

Add some of these behaviors to your routine to see the world again.

1. Spend Time in awe of Nature

Taking a leisurely walk outside can make all the difference in your life. Even fifteen minutes of walking and taking in your surroundings can bring the joy you remember having as a child. You’ll experience positivity and less distress.

You don’t only have to go on walks, either. Anything you enjoy doing outside will bring positive feelings and happiness. Consider kayaking, picnic, or reading a book while sitting under a tree.

An easy but beneficial way to enjoy nature is to look up at the sky because you can see it anywhere. The clouds inspire awe, so sit or lie back on the ground and enjoy the formations above you.

2. Put Your Phone Away

Some aspects of technology can inspire awe, but most don’t. You could achieve a sense of wonder if you’re looking for new artists, musicians, and places. However, most people use their phones for other things.

Using your phone to scroll aimlessly through social media hinders your ability to see the world the way a child does. You miss out on the great things around you and fill your mind with negativity or comparisons.

You can see beauty all around you when you put your phone away. You’ll notice things you didn’t before and realize there’s much more to life.

3. Enjoy Community Experiences

Engaging in community events or traditions helps you feel like you’re a part of something larger than yourself. Find events you’ll enjoy in your area and make it a point to go, even if you go alone. You can meet new people who like the same things you do, deepening the feeling of awe.

4. Allow Unstructured Time in Your Life

One reason that children experience awe is that they go through life slower than adults. They take time for play, relaxation, and spending time with family. If you allow unstructured time, you’ll experience a more open view of the world.

With unstructured time, you can take things slow and wander around. It allows for mystery, engagement, and visualization. Filling every hour with activities and obligations doesn’t allow you to explore this way, taking away your sense of wonder.

5. Looking for Patterns and Systems That Will Awe You

Kids always find patterns, even when most adults don’t notice. If you want to experience the wonder of a child, make it a point to look for systems around you. Look at the formation of birds flying or water droplets.

You can also look for shapes in the clouds or notice how they overlap. Wherever you are, take a moment to look around and find a working system or pattern and embrace the way things work together.

6. Surround Yourself with Good People

The kindness and courage of people around you can inspire wonder in you. If you see people helping others, go to those people. It will help you see the world differently, but studies show it’ll help you be kinder and more generous.

7. Create or View Art

When you take the time to create or view art, you slow down and relax your mind. Art acts as therapy, allowing you to contemplate your thoughts and embrace the present. Choose whatever form of creativity that speaks to you, including painting, drawing, pottery, or anything else.

8. Slow Down

Adults often spend their days rushing around from one task to another. If you have children, you might find that you always tell them to hurry and get moving. However, if you slow down and take your time as a child does, you’ll experience a shift in your mindset.

Make a conscious decision to slow down and embrace each moment of your life. Look at a flower or watch the clouds moving through the sky. Enjoy a thunderstorm while watching the rain come down rather than finding other things to fill your time.

Slowing down and embracing your surroundings will make you feel happier and more peaceful. Go for a hike and take your time instead of trying to cover more ground quickly.

9. Visit a New Place

If you can, pick a new place to visit when you need to experience a sense of wonder. Better yet, don’t pick and start driving in whatever direction you feel. It can be a local place or somewhere a bit further away.

Any new location will bring you a sense of wonder. You don’t have to stay outside because indoor museums or events can encourage the same feeling.

10. Visualize or Remember Moments of Awe in your Life

You can visualize the feeling by getting comfortable and closing your eyes. Visualize a place you’ve always wanted to go to and focus on the excitement of what you see. Pay attention to your senses and consider what you hear, smell, or see.

You can also remember the sensation by thinking of times in the past when you experienced it. Think about what you were doing, listening to, or watching, and then recall the experience. If you have photos, pull them out and remember how you felt in the moment.

11. Ask Why

Children constantly ask “why,” even when adults don’t know how to answer their questions. They’ll also ask questions when they’re asked to do something. As people age, they stop asking “why” so often and accept things for what they are.

However, asking “why” can help you achieve the sensation of childlike wonder. When you ask a question, it inspires you and makes you want to create things and explore.

12. Play with a Child

Playing with a child will help you view the world through their eyes. IIt’llremind you to slow down and look for the simpler things around you. Plus, you’ll start to notice the things that they see.

When you share laughter and play with a child, it promotes inspiring sensations. You’ll feel less stressed as you embrace the present moment.

Final Thoughts on Ways to See the World with the Awe of a Child

The awe of a child fades as people grow older, but it doesn’t have to disappear. Adults can incorporate child-like behavior and thoughts into each day, allowing them to experience the sensation again. You’ll feel happier and experience more peace in your life.

Humans are born with a sense of wonder, and life events and shifting mindsets end the feeling. Reverse the effects of your stressful life by following the tips above. Before you know it, you’ll experience a sense of wonder you haven’t felt in years.

12 Ways to Make Your Bathroom Smell So Good (#9 Is So Amazing!)

April 12, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

You know how hard it is to keep your home in perfect condition all of the time. After all, you live there, and if you have kids, the messes never seem to stop. However, you can make your bathroom smell good all the time.

Cleaning the restrooms in your home is likely the least favorite household chore. While everyone in the house uses the bathroom, everyone will avoid cleaning it. Those who avoid it haven’t learned that keeping the room fresh and clean is not as complicated as you think.

Keeping your bathroom smelling fresh is a simple yet effective way to enhance your daily routine. Whether you’re in the middle of a bathroom remodel Chicago or just looking to freshen up your existing space, using a few tricks to maintain a pleasant aroma can make a significant difference. You’ll feel more confident when guests drop by unexpectedly, and you’ll enjoy a sense of calm knowing your bathroom is always welcoming.

How to Make Your Bathroom Smell So Good

Keeping the room clean and smelling fresh can require much effort. The tips below can help you achieve the goal without wasting too much time or effort. Use a few ways simultaneously, and you’re sure to have a fresh-smelling room.

1. Find the Source of the Bathroom Odor

While more than one area of your bathroom might smell bad, you should find a starting point. Determine where the bad smells originate and tackle those areas first.

Once you clean the problematic areas, your space will start to smell better before following the rest of the tips. Determining the source gives you a good start and makes maintenance easier.

Ten Things That Cause a Bad Odor

Understanding why your bathroom stinks can help determine which tips to follow first. Knowing the source of the smells makes it easier to remedy the problem and have a fresher space in no time. The things that often cause a restroom to smell lousy include:

Lack of ventilation
Dirty sinks, toilet bowls, tubs, or showers
Extra moisture
Dirty clothes or towels
Clogged drains
Dirty bath mats
Bath toys
Dirty trash cans
Mold and mildew
Dirty toothbrush holders and soap dishes

2. Let Bathroom Air Circulate

When you allow fresh air to move in and out of the room, the space will smell better quickly. Don’t close the door when the bathroom isn’t in use, at least not always. Foul odors won’t accumulate much when air can freely move in and out.

If the room has windows, leave them open as often as possible. However, if it doesn’t have windows, open the nearest window to your restroom and leave the door open. Consider installing good vents or an exhaust fan that removes humidity and eliminates foul odors.

If you’re home alone, you can leave the door open while you shower to avoid nasty or musty smells. The steam from your shower will help push the odors out of the room if they can escape.

3. Implement a Regular Cleaning Routine

This tip is one that most people already know. You must clean your space regularly if you want it to smell good. A dirty sink, toilet bowl, or shower can cause undesirable scents.

You should clean the restroom at least a couple of times weekly and do a deep cleaning every month. Frequent maintenance will keep odors at bay, and deep cleaning will prevent issues. When you deep clean, you must set aside a few hours to get into every spot.

Start by taking out the trash because it’s sometimes the cause of the odor. Ideally, empty the trash every few days instead of waiting for it to get packed. Other areas to focus on include:

Sinks, faucets, and sink stoppers
Toilet bowls, including the tank and seat
The shower, including the showerhead
Bathtub, including faucets and stoppers
Bathroom mats, rugs, and hand towels
The floor, ensuring you clean every corner

Once you deep clean, set a maintenance cleaning schedule to help keep odors at bay. Setting a schedule can help you remember to do specific tasks regularly. With consistency, the bad smells won’t return as quickly. You’ll be able to get ahead of the odor so that it doesn’t get as bad as before.

While cleaning three days each week will work, you’ll want to increase the frequency for high-traffic restrooms. The restroom your family uses the most often should get cleaned daily to prevent odors. Daily spot cleaning doesn’t take much time, and the results are well worth the time spent.

Quickly wipe down the toilet seat, sinks, faucets, and counters with disinfecting wipes, and use a disinfecting spray in the toilet. Use a disinfecting wipe on doorknobs, light switches, and locks. You can also clean the mirrors or other glass as needed.

4. Add Fragrance

You can easily add fragrance to your restroom to make it smell good all the time. Choose from scented candles, diffusers, essential oils, and spray air fresheners. One way to add scent from oils is to add a few drops to the inside of your toilet paper roll.

Using scented hand soap will also leave a pleasant scent in the room whenever someone washes up. You can also use wax warmers for an easy way to make the room smell good.

5. Keep the Space Dry

When you take a shower, the room is sure to get damp. However, drying it up afterward is essential if you want the room to smell good. You also must remove wet towels and clothing to prevent bad scents from setting in.

6. Get Some Plants

Adding plants to your space is a great way to eliminate odors, increase oxygen levels, and provide a beautiful aesthetic. Any plant is fine as long as it gets enough light and water. You can also hang eucalyptus in your shower, releasing essential oil each time the water runs.

7. Use Baking Soda to Clean the Bathroom

Baking soda neutralizes odors, no matter where the smell originated. Once you locate the smell’s source, mix baking soda with boiling water. Put the baking soda and water mixture on the smelly area, and let it sit for a few hours. Wash it all away, and bask in the improved smell of the room.

8. Deodorize the Toilet Brush

Toilet brushes are a frequent source of bad smells. Since you use them to clean the toilet, they harbor germs and bacteria, resulting in unpleasant odors.

If you want to deodorize the toilet brush, you can add liquid disinfectant to its stand, eliminating potential smells. Adding essential oil to the toilet brush stand offers a more pleasant scent.

9. Use Lemon

Lemon is beneficial when cleaning because it contains citric acid. The citric acid makes it a powerful cleanser and neutralizes terrible odors. Go through with a lemon after you use your usual cleaning supplies, and add the fresh scent of the fruit. You can even leave slices of lemon in the room to reap the benefits of its powerful scent.

10. Add Detergent to the Toilet Tank

Adding a few drops of detergent to your toilet tank can make a huge difference in how the room smells. Each time someone flushes the toilet, the scent of the detergent will waft through the air. The fragrance also sticks around, allowing your bathroom to smell clean.

11. Clean the Bathroom Drains

Dirty drains often cause an unpleasant odor, so don’t forget to clean them well. Drains collect hair, toothpaste, soap scum, and dirt. The accumulation of these things leads to intense smells that you likely want to eliminate.

To clean the drain, you’ll want to remove the stopper entirely. Then, use a long-handled brush or a drain snake to remove accumulated gunk. You’ll be surprised by how much a difference cleaning your drains can be.

12. Don’t Leave Dirty Laundry Behind

If your bathroom has an unpleasant odor, it could be from dirty laundry. Don’t leave dirty clothes and towels in the hamper for too long. Try taking all of it to the laundry room at the end of the day, starting fresh and preventing odors.

You can keep your dirty clothes hamper smelling good throughout the day while you wait to take them to the laundry room. Place a scented dryer sheet in the bottom of the hamper for a pleasant aroma. Another option is to put a few drops of essential oils on a tissue instead of a dryer sheet.

Final Thoughts on Ways to Make Your Bathroom Smell So Good

If you want your bathroom to smell good, use these tips to achieve the goal. When the room smells good, you’ll enjoy the space much more. Plus, it’ll motivate you to keep it clean so that the scent remains.

These ideas for making your bathroom smell good are easy; you likely already have what you need. Make a plan and stick to it, improving your home one room at a time.

12 Phrases Identical Twins Never Want to Hear

April 11, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

Twins hear plenty of comments from the people around them, and identical twins have it even worse. Identical twins are asked the same questions and hear many repetitive phrases. While people don’t mean their comments negatively, it can be incredibly annoying.

You might think that you’re being funny by commenting on their relationship, but twins have likely heard it before. Everyone seems to believe they’re the first to come up with phrases for twins, but it’s not true. Twins have likely heard it all, and it becomes more of a nuisance than anything else.

There are many perks to being a twin, but it also has drawbacks. These phrases identical twins never want to hear are one of the drawbacks. Look for something else to say or avoid referring to their sibling relationship altogether.

Twelve Phrases Identical Twins Never Want to Hear

1. Are identical twins telepathically connected?

Twins share a special connection, and people falsely assume it means they can read each other’s minds. While they might think they know, there’s no way to know for sure what their twin is thinking. Twin relationships don’t come with supernatural qualities, so it’s an annoying question for twins.

If it ever seems like identical twins can read each other’s minds, it’s just a coincidence. They know each other well, so it’s easy for them to try and guess about each other. Plus, they have similar thought patterns due to spending so much time together.

2. Which twin are you?

Asking a twin which one they are is rude and offensive. It implies they aren’t an individual, and it shows that you don’t care enough to try and figure it out. While they’re often together, they still need a sense of individuality.

If you guess which twin you’re speaking to, they likely won’t get mad if you’re wrong. Instead, they’ll appreciate the effort rather than feel like it isn’t significant enough for you to think about. It’s more about how you approach the conversation rather than the topic.

3. Which twin is the smart one?

Twins have noticeably different qualities, but asking hurtful questions like this is never a good idea. Plus, comparing the two people is frustrating and detrimental to their well-being.

Asking questions like this one is a bad idea for a few reasons. First, it can hurt the person you’re speaking to if you imply that they aren’t smart. Plus, it can make them angry if they feel like you’re bad-mouthing their twin.

4. Does your twin feel it if you get hurt?

People love the idea that twins can physically feel what the other person is feeling. Some people even take it further by trying to inflict slight pain through pinching or something similar. The question is bad enough on its own, but adding in physical contact is the worst.

Some twins say they experience sensations when their twin goes through sometimes, but it’s not proven. Most twins say that a metaphysical phenomenon is not present and find the conversation irritating. Rest assured, if a twin experiences this, they’ll let you know if they want to.

5. Do you identical twins do everything together?

You’re likely to frequently see twins together, especially when they’re still children. However, they each have their own lives, and you shouldn’t assume they do everything together.

This phrase is another way of diminishing their individuality. Twins have their interests and enjoy doing things without the other person by their side. Each sibling will likely choose their path as they get older.

6. I like you better than your sibling.

This phrase makes twins uncomfortable, even if you mean it as a compliment to the one you’re talking to. Twins don’t like being compared to one another, and it’s hurtful no matter how it goes.

Plus, saying that you like one better than the other puts the twin, you’re talking to in an uncomfortable position. They don’t want to hear anyone saying negative things about their twin, even if it comes in the form of a compliment to them. Twins have often spent more time together than anyone else, and they share a deep bond.

If you have negative thoughts about one twin, keep it to yourself rather than saying something like this comment. They want appreciation as an individual, not when compared to someone else.

7. Is it fun being a twin?

Asking if it’s fun to be a twin or what it’s like to be a twin can be annoying. It’s a question twins hear often, and it can be tricky to answer. Twins don’t know what it’s like not to be a twin, so it’s hard to explain how their life is any different than yours.

Without a basis for comparison, twins dread being asked about what it’s like to be a twin. They’ll likely come up with a vague answer, so don’t be offended if this has happened to you. Next time, avoid this type of phrase.

8. Your twin is shorter.

Twins don’t like hearing about physical differences between the two of them. They already know the differences, and it only makes them feel scrutinized. Even identical twins can have slight differences in their physical appearance, so don’t stare too hard trying to figure it out.

Things like height and weight can be affected by DNA and lifestyle factors, so twins’ appearances are likely to differ. Levels of nutrition, sleep patterns, and physical activity level can influence physical appearance. Anytime you compare the twins, it diminishes their sense of individuality and can cause body issues.

9. You two must be identical twins.

This phrase seems harmless, but it can quickly get old. Twins don’t want to go through life hearing this comment everywhere they go. Again, it’s about individuality and repetitive comments or conversation.

Pointing out or asking if two people are twins also makes people feel scrutinized. It’s even worse if you then point out why you think they’re twins. In this instance, it’s best to keep the thoughts to yourself and avoid staring.

10. You’re pretty much the same person.

Twins are sure to have many similarities, but they’re still different people. While twin relationships typically involve being close, their personalities, hobbies, style, experiences, and dreams will differ. Saying that they’re the same person implies that you don’t recognize their individuality.

11. Who is the older twin?

Some twins like to brag about who is older, but it unnecessarily categorizes them. Even if you hear one of the twins mention it, they still won’t enjoy hearing it from someone else. It’s one of those things that the two involved can joke about, but no one else should.

On the other hand, some twins don’t like to talk about it. Play it safe altogether and avoid using this phrase that twins don’t want to hear.

12. I wish I were a twin.

Twins don’t know what it’s like not to be a twin, and you don’t know what it’s like to be a twin. Being a twin is a complex situation, and they might not like this statement. It’s frustrating when someone assumes they know what your situation is like. Plus, saying you wish you are a twin implies that the other person has it easy, a potentially offensive statement.

Other Things to Consider About Identical Twins

These phrases and questions aren’t the only things to consider when talking to twins. It goes beyond simple statements or questions, so make sure you’re ready.

The Things You Don’t Say Are Important.

It might not go over well when you tell one twin something but not the other. You can’t just assume that telling one means, they’ll both know. It’s a sign of respect to reach out and tell both identical twins individually.

Don’t Purposefully Call Identical Twins by the Wrong Name.

Sometimes people don’t even try to figure out which twin is which. Other times, they call a twin by their sibling’s name on purpose, assuming it’s funny. However, twins don’t think it’s humorous because it feels a little disrespectful.

Even if the twin doesn’t correct you when you call them the wrong name, it’ll likely be annoying to them. Some people will correct you, and they might not always be nice about it.

Avoid Calling Them “The Twins” or Combining Their Names to Make a Nickname

Calling them “the twins” diminishes their sense of individuality. It makes it seem like you think they’re a package deal rather than two separate people. Additionally, avoid combining their names to create a nickname.

Final Thoughts on Phrases Identical Twins Never Want to Hear

Most of us don’t know what it’s like to be a twin, so it’s essential to know what not to say. Avoid asking these questions or saying phrases that identical twins never want to hear. It’ll help the conversation flow better and promote a better relationship.

If you continually say the phrases mentioned above, you’ll likely make the identical twins uncomfortable. The questions are likely to annoy them, and they’ll want to find a way to escape the conversation. Use these tips as a starting place for when you encounter a twin, and you’re sure to find something better to discuss.

8 Signs You Crossed the Line from Supportive to an Enabler

April 11, 2022 by Sarah Barkley

It’s easy and understandable to view yourself as supportive even after crossing the line and becoming an enabler. There’s a fine line between supporting someone through a hard time and enabling their unhealthy or detrimental behavior.

An enabler is anyone who allows someone in their life to continue negative behavior patterns. It’s sometimes hard to see when you’ve crossed the line from being supportive to an enabler because you don’t do it intentionally. You might not realize what you’re doing as you think you’re just helping your friend or loved one through a tragedy.

Many people believe that enabling refers to a drug or alcohol addiction situation. However, experts explain that it can occur anytime you support problematic behavior. If you offer benefits or make it easier for the behavior to continue, it’s a sign of enabling, even if it wasn’t your intention.

Enabling doesn’t mean you’re happy about your loved one’s behavior. Instead, it simply means that you continually help, despite their refusal to make beneficial changes in their lives. If you think you might be an enabler, you must learn the signs and how to stop.

The Difference Between Enabling and Supporting

It’s sometimes hard to recognize the difference between supporting someone and enabling them. When you help someone, it means you do things that are in your loved one’s best interest. You help them conquer their problems so they can go on to live a better life.

Supporting someone involves speaking up and being honest when you see an issue. It requires that you don’t contribute to their negative behaviors. You might even help them seek outside help if necessary for their situation.

Supportive Behaviors

When you are supportive, you might do the following:

Give your loved one the tools they need to succeed
Help them find access to help and other resources
Teach them skills that will help them move past the situation
Empower them to make better choices and solve their problems
Offer emotional support after they experience trauma

When Supportive Becomes Enabling

However, enabling is much different than supporting someone. Once you know the difference, it’s easier to determine if you’re supportive or being an enabler.

When you enable someone, it makes it easier to continue their lifestyle. While you might not encourage the person’s behavior, that’s what enabling does. It gives them the means or motivation to continue living a detrimental lifestyle rather than forcing them to do what’s best.

Eight Signs You Crossed the Line from Supportive to an Enabler

There’s a fine line between being supportive and enabling someone’s detrimental behavior. However, once you know the signs of enabling, you’ll recognize if an enabling behavior pattern has developed.

1. You Cover for Them or Make Excuses

It’s normal to want to protect a loved one from the consequences of their actions, but it doesn’t help the situation. If you ever cover for someone or make excuses for their behavior, it’s a sign of enabling. They’ll see that you did it once and assume you’ll keep doing it.

Your loved ones will see no reason to change their behavior if they know you’ll cover for them to protect them. You might want to save your loved one from being judged harshly or negatively, or you might want to protect the person from other consequences. Either way, each time you cover for them, it contributes to the problem.

Even when you mean well or think you have no choice, your actions convey that your loved one’s behavior is okay. You might find yourself lying to your other friends and family members about why the person didn’t show up to family events or milestones. Additionally, you might cover them for bosses, teachers, and anyone else who can hand out punishment.

2. You Do Things for Them That They Should Do on Their Own

If you do something for someone they can or should do on their own, you’re enabling instead of supporting. Any time you do something for someone they should do, you teach them that they don’t have to do it.

You show them you’ll pick up the slack and handle their responsibilities. Plus, you’ll show them they don’t have to work hard to improve their lives.

3. You Neglect or Fail to Recognize Your Needs

When enabling someone, you likely sacrifice your needs to help them. You might lose time that could have been used for something else like work, self-care, or fostering other relationships. If you’re constantly struggling to get things done or feel burnt out from caring for someone else, it’s a sure sign of enabling.

Taking on your loved one’s daily tasks or responsibilities can cause you to miss out on your own needs and wants. You might change your schedule to accommodate the other person’s obligations, making your life a second priority.

Some of the responsibilities you might take on when enabling someone to include these:

Doing their household chores
Caring for their children frequently
Taking care of their daily activities
Finishing things that they left undone

4. Ignoring Problematic Behavior

If you ignore someone’s problematic behavior, it contributes to their problem. You might disagree with the person’s behavior but ignore it, thinking it’s for the best. However, addressing the issues is the best option when you want to be supportive instead of enabling.

You might focus on what your loved one does well so that you can continue ignoring the problems. However, even when they do well in one area, continuing detrimental behavior isn’t okay. Every time you miss it, you allow them to think it’s okay to continue.

5. You Blame Yourself or Others for Their Behavior

Instead of placing the blame where it belongs, you might give yourself a hard time. You might blame yourself for the problem occurring in the first place. Then, you might continue blaming yourself as your loved one’s behavior continues.

You might also blame other people for your loved one’s behavior. Rather than admitting that the person creates their problems, you’ll look for anyone else to blame.

6. You Struggle to Express Your Emotions with Your Loved One

If you struggle to tell your loved one how you feel, you might be enabling their behavior. You might be afraid of the way they’ll react or be scared of hurting their feelings. However, choosing to keep your emotions to yourself only enables their behavior.

7. Not Setting or Maintaining Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are essential for every relationship, including one where your loved one needs lots of help. If you don’t set boundaries, it’s a sign that you’re enabling the other person. Additionally, if you place limits but don’t enforce them, it contributes to the problem.

8. You Continually Offer Financial Assistance

While helping a loved one occasionally is okay, you shouldn’t do it regularly. Even if your finances allow it, continually offering financial assistance only exacerbates the issue. It enables the other person to continue their reckless or impulsive behavior, preventing them from wanting to do better.

Why Being an Enabler is a Problem (Versus Being Supportive)

If you or someone you know enables a loved one’s behavior, there is likely a good reason for it. Most enablers think if they don’t help, the situation will worsen. However, it only encourages their negative behavior, which is the worst possible solution.

While you might think enabling helps the person, it has the opposite effect. Enabling causes problems for the people around your loved one. Plus, they don’t see the consequences of their behaviors, making it nearly impossible for them to want to get help.

Your loved ones will never want to do better if you continually jump in to save them. They will think that the people in their lives owe them special treatment and they don’t have to do anything to improve their situation. Every time you enable, you contribute to the problem.

Your loved ones will never learn to do things for themselves. They will never see their potential or know what they can do when you cater to their every need and desire.

When your loved one constantly seems to have drama and hardship, it could be their way to seek attention. They might start making decisions that cause disaster to inflict drama on themselves. They’ll know how to get your support if you run to them whenever they call or fall apart.

How to Stop Being an Enabler (While Learning to Remain Supportive)

If these signs helped you recognize that you’re an enabler, you could make a change. To stop being an enabler, start with the following actions:

Speak up and acknowledge the issue
Encourage your loved one to get help
Set and enforce boundaries
Say no sometimes
Get therapy for yourself to overcome enabling behavior

Final Thoughts on Signs You Crossed the Line from Supportive to an Enabler

Being an enabler doesn’t mean you agree with your loved one’s behavior. However, it teaches the person that their behavior is okay and you’ll always be there to fix the problems. You must correct your actions if you have crossed the line from supportive to an enabler.

Don’t be afraid you’ll hurt your loved ones because you only want what’s best for them. You need to speak up, set boundaries, and stay supportive to help them overcome their issues. You might struggle to be firm at first, but it’ll get more manageable, and it’s well worth it.

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